Georgiana Daniels Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Do the bride's parents still shoulder the financial burden for a wedding these days? Last night, our daughter and her fiance (how sp?) told us they want to get married toward the end of summer. This is much sooner than we were hoping for. (We love that they are in love, and he is a great guy, so that's not the issue.) With only 4 or so months to go, that's not enough time for us to come up with thousands of dollars, especially since we are trying to move. The idea of paying for this is stressful. Is it a giant faux pas for the bride's parents NOT to pay for the entire wedding these days? How have you all handled it? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Well, my parents didn't pay for squat. Nor did MIL. We paid for our own wedding (on a shoestring...entire wedding, incl rings, was under $1,000) Personally, I think that the parents of the bride paying for everything mindset has/should go the way of the dodo. Esp when so many cpls want a $$$$$ wedding. If you *want* to help out financially, figure out what you can afford to contribute, and tell them, "Here's $X to pay for your wedding." and leave it at that. If they want to spend more, then that's up to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Weddings can be paid for multiple ways (groom's family, bride's family, bride & groom...mixture). Sit down with them and have a frank discussion. What is affordable, what is not... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeneralMom Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I did not ask my parents to pay for my wedding, nor do I intend to pay for my daughters' weddings. I think it is an antiquated idea. I would much rather spend that money helping them with a down payment on a house and not blow it on a single day. I think people should wait to get married until they can afford the wedding they want. If my child wants an extravagant wedding, go for it, but I am not paying. Have you discussed the issue with her? Maybe she would be happy with a small, low-key, less expensive wedding? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 No, it's not set in concrete anymore who pays for what. Even at traditional weddings, cost is often split between two sets of parents and the couple. Also, it does not need to put anyone in debt IMHO. There are simpler yet elegant ways to have a wedding and all involved still walk away with their pocketbooks intact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 So is that pretty common then, to have the b/g pay, and possibly his parents too? My parents did pay for our wedding, but we had the smallest wedding known to mankind (we hardly invited anyone.) But they are talking about inviting everyone--and both have large families. I just don't want to seem cheesy to our daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 I did not ask my parents to pay for my wedding, nor do I intend to pay for my daughters' weddings. I think it is an antiquated idea. I would much rather spend that money helping them with a down payment on a house and not blow it on a single day. I think people should wait to get married until they can afford the wedding they want. If my child wants an extravagant wedding, go for it, but I am not paying. Have you discussed the issue with her? Maybe she would be happy with a small, low-key, less expensive wedding? I did tell her the longer they waited, the more chance they'd have of us helping. Surely enough, they want to marry sooner rather than later. She'd probably be happy with low-key, but I fear even low-key is $$$. I agree that a single day event is not what matters or is important--emphasis should be on marriage rather than wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I'd sit down with the couple and his parents if possible and decide what the cost could be and who is willing to absorb what part of it. In terms of food, I've been to weddings where it was dessert only after an evening wedding - but it was so elegant and beautiful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sk8ermaiden Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Do the bride's parents still shoulder the financial burden for a wedding these days? Last night, our daughter and her fiance (how sp?) told us they want to get married toward the end of summer. This is much sooner than we were hoping for. (We love that they are in love, and he is a great guy, so that's not the issue.) With only 4 or so months to go, that's not enough time for us to come up with thousands of dollars, especially since we are trying to move. The idea of paying for this is stressful. Is it a giant faux pas for the bride's parents NOT to pay for the entire wedding these days? How have you all handled it? :confused: My mom said I will give you $XX. You can use it to pay for your wedding in full, use it to pay for part of your wedding, or elope and use it for a house, etc. We ended up using it for about half the wedding and paying the other half ourselves. My in laws paid for our photography for us. All my friends are married now. The only people I know who the bride's parents paid for it all is the woman my BIL is marrying. Sit them down and tell them what you can afford. You could also mention that if they waited you could probably do X amount more. If they are sensible grownups they should be able to plan accordingly and be grateful you are contributing. It takes about $45 to get married. Everything else is frosting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I have always thought we were supposed to host and pay for a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, but that the wedding itself was the bride's family's honor. That said, I also am under the impression that the bride's family gets to call all of the shots - have the wedding where the bride grew up (or where she and her family want it) get married in her home church or something else she chooses, and sort of decide on the type of wedding to have - large or small, day or night, fancy or casual, at a country club or park. Too many people involved in those decisions can be a hassle. I know when I got married, I didn't really ask my in-laws to help decide what the meal would be, what colors to use, what kind of music to play. My parents were the hosts and so those were our decisions. I think it's okay to expect the couple to pay for their own wedding, though. I think you should clearly communicate your budget and then let the couple figure out what they want to do with that money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Do either of them have jobs? Will they have a place to live afterwards? I think it is a major problem when couples focus on an expensive wedding without considering how it will affect their ability to support themselves long term. This isn't to say that's what your daughter will want---I'm speaking from experience with extended family. Regardless of circumstances, there are lots of ways to make the wedding less expensive and still unique. We planned our wedding based on what we could afford, not our families, so that way everything they offered to contribute was gravy. My parents contributed $500 to ours (17 years ago, still not a huge amount--it was also almost after the fact, so it wasn't part of the budget--initially they weren't going to come at all, much less help out). My in-laws hosted the rehearsal dinner at their home and gave us a week of their timeshare for a honeymoon. Extended family and friends helped with the food for a small reception in the church hall afterwards (no dinner, no dancing, no dj). Other than that, we paid for everything. Now we did have jobs with modest but reasonable salaries and had been living together for a year, which made a difference. We already knew what living expenses would be, and we had a year from setting the date to do a lot of things for the wedding ourselves. I made my dress (my size is not easily found in thrift stores, particularly not in formal wear), baked my cake (his grandmother decorated it), cooked a lot of things ahead for the reception and froze them, made our invitations, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 my parents paid nil toward my wedding. We did it all (excluding rings )for less than 1K. I will probably (depending on our finances) give our daughters a set amount (probably less than 5K) and let them decide what to do with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Do the bride's parents still shoulder the financial burden for a wedding these days? Last night, our daughter and her fiance (how sp?) told us they want to get married toward the end of summer. This is much sooner than we were hoping for. (We love that they are in love, and he is a great guy, so that's not the issue.) With only 4 or so months to go, that's not enough time for us to come up with thousands of dollars, especially since we are trying to move. The idea of paying for this is stressful. Is it a giant faux pas for the bride's parents NOT to pay for the entire wedding these days? How have you all handled it? :confused: My parents gave my sister $X and me $X and let us plan our own wedding, etc. If we went under X, then we could keep the rest. If we went over, it was on us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 So is that pretty common then, to have the b/g pay, and possibly his parents too? My parents did pay for our wedding, but we had the smallest wedding known to mankind (we hardly invited anyone.) But they are talking about inviting everyone--and both have large families. I just don't want to seem cheesy to our daughter. What's the norm for weddings in your area and, more importantly, your social circle? This varies widely. Big sit-down dinner, dancing all evening with a live band, open bar, where the reception rather than the wedding is the big event? Cake, nuts and punch in the church hall after the early afternoon ceremony so that the focus is on the ceremony? It will make a huge difference in expense and expectations, as will the norm in his family's social circle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 When my oldest son got married, the bride's parents did not contribute anything. My dil and I planned the wedding, and it was very simple and low-key (but beautiful). My dh and I paid for half, and son and dil paid for half. With my second son, we did not contribute anything - her family wanted to do it all. When we asked about places to host the rehearsal dinner (out of state from us), we were told her grandmother wanted to host it, and she did not want us to help with costs. All that to say, I think today it is more situational who pays for what. Just tell your dd how much you can contribute and let her go from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) The parents paid for our wedding. But it was modest compared to most. We got married at my ILs and had a catered reception leftwards at a place nearby. I think there were 130 people total. My parents paid 1/3. My husbands parents paid 1/3. and the parents of the other groom paid 1/3 (It was a double wedding. The other couple was my husbands sister and her guy) My Mom also rented a limo and got something else extra. I forget what. ETA: I think, it's been awhile my parents share was maybe 1500. I can't remember. Something like that. Edited April 23, 2012 by Julie Smith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Weddings can be paid for multiple ways (groom's family, bride's family, bride & groom...mixture). Sit down with them and have a frank discussion. What is affordable, what is not... :iagree: My dh and I paid for nearly all of our wedding, and we were only 19 and poor, so it can be done. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and reception, but it was nothing overly fancy with ice sculptures or anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 In our families, it is traditional for the bride's family to pay for the wedding and the groom's family to pay for the rehearsal dinner. Our wedding, as well as my brother's and BIL's weddings were done this way. In your situation, I'd sit down with your DD and let her know how much you can afford. With that budget, she could perhaps have cake in the church hall. If she wants a big reception, perhaps she and her fiance could foot the bill or his family could contribute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 My parents told me they'd budgeted for $2000 for the my wedding, "You can take the cash and "elope." Or you can use it for a wedding." We chose to have a modest wedding and it was our first foray into budgeting as a couple. :D It did help that my mother is a retired florist and she bought our flowers from Sam's club and did all the bouquets and bouttonires at cost. It was truly about the future and not just a single day. I appreciated their ulterior message. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I think way too often there's way too much time and effort on the wedding day and not nearly enough time spent on the actual marriage relationship! As opposed as I am to divorce, with the rate of it today, I see no reason to spend thousands of dollars on a wedding. I liked what one poster said about how she'd rather spend beaucoup bucks on the downpayment for a house. More than anything, I agree with so many here that you should all sit down together (bride to be, groom to be, both sets of parents) and have a serious discussion about the upcoming event. You CAN have a beautiful wedding on a shoestring budget! HTH! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 While times have changed somewhat on who pays for what, you still want to know the norms. :auto: to Barnes & Noble and get a decent wedding etiquette book. Emily Post is a good one, but there are plenty more. If you plan to deviate from social norms, then all of that needs to be discussed with your DD. Her expectations and your abilities need to coincide first thing before any real planning gets started. The groom needs to be doing the same with his family. The average wedding in America I think costs around $20,000 or some such. So the couple needs to be prepared on parental contribution. Also check on destination weddings. That is an awesome way to save a lot of money. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 The average wedding in America I think costs around $20,000 or some such:) Wooozers. I wouldn't have guessed that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 :grouphug: how exciting. i tried to answer and it disappeared :confused:. but dd got married 4 years ago. we had saved money for the wedding. what she and her fiance wanted was way more than that. we stuck to our amount, reminding them that she has three other sisters, all of whom will be hoping for the same amount. his folks chose to match our amount, so they had double to work with. even so, they had to cut many things they wanted. but we found getting married at 11am, and having a luncheon was much less expensive for the same location, the same food, etc, etc.... and people don't drink nearly as much at noon. there is also not the same expectation of a band/dj etc. it also meant that older relatives were awake and happy, and the bride herself reflected that she was glad she didn't have more time to get really nervous on the day. have they looked for a location? its often harder than they think to find something that is available earlier. pm me if you'd like to chat more. but simple honest conversation worked really well for us. and i bought my dress on ebay for a fraction of what it would have been new. :grouphug::grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 The average wedding in America I think costs around $20,000 or some such. That is craziness! I went to a $35,000 wedding almost 3 years ago, and it was AMAZING! But the next weekend, I went to a $5000 wedding (my baby brother's), and it was just as AMAZING! My sil did all the planning and made all the decor (with help from me and some friends), her mother did almost all the cooking for the rehearsal and reception, her brother DJ'ed, etc. That made it even more special. I have 3 daughters, and I can go ahead and tell you there is no way I'm paying $20,000 for a wedding. Especially in light of the recent college costs thread, lol. Patrick and I will probably do what other posters have mentioned: give an amount we are willing to pay and let them decide what to do with that money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellesmere Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) . Edited April 20, 2014 by CaladwenEleniel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 12 years ago my parents gave us X dollars for our wedding or whatever we wanted. It covered about half the wedding. Hind sight, I wish we would have done a smaller wedding. We were trying to keep both Sets of parents happy with the invite list. I definitely think if it were me, I would sit down with the couple (or just your daughter if that's easier for you) and tell them what you can contribute. And then have no expectations about what will happen from there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 We had a wedding for about $3000.00; if you have a church wedding, do things like have a potluck lunch (where our part was lunch meat and special breads & cheeses), and then the cake, that would be almost enough... Maybe a bit more since ours was 10 years ago. We had a beautiful cake from our IGA store for maybe $100 or so? I purchased a beautiful cinderella type dress from a discount wedding store in PDX (Oregon)..... :) And... my ring is beautiful and from the pawn shop :) (And I looked around at different retail stores and chose what I loved best. And I absolutely loved the price!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Look at really old editions of Emily Post (1920's). She says that spending more than be comfortably afforded on a wedding is in very poor taste; she also describes some beautifully simple weddings. Try not to look at any bridal magazines -- IMO, they exist more for the providers than the brides and they will lead to gigantic lists of 'must-haves' that you had never thought of before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZooRho Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 You need to be very honest with the bride and groom with exactly how much you can pay. We don't have daughters, but our financial situation is tight. So right now what we can help with for a wedding would be very minimal. Also dh and I paid for most of our wedding ourselves. Both of our families gave us a bit of money or helped with some things but the rest we paid for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZooRho Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 You need to be very honest with the bride and groom with exactly how much you can pay. We don't have daughters, but our financial situation is tight. So right now what we can help with for a wedding would be very minimal. Also dh and I paid for most of our wedding ourselves. Both of our families gave us a bit of money or helped with some things but the rest we paid for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Why don't you tell her just what you told us? We love you, we love your guy, but this is coming up too quick on our radar to provide an entire lavish wedding party for you. Your father and I can contribute this much: (amount you and dh *can* afford). Your dd and her fiancé - like most responsible people these days - should plan to work within a budget. If they can get funds from other sources (his parents, their own savings), that increases the working capital. If they don't tho I they have enough for the ceremony in the style they want, they have the option to wait. You should never feel bad for doing whatever you can for your kids - but don't let what you "can" turn into what you are pressured into feeling you must. FWIW, I am personally a traditionalist, but these days I think the attitude is a lot freer. Again, let them establish a budget and work within their means. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I agree with being honest about what you can afford and then let them plan it from there---either within that amount or by adding to it themselves. Our wedding and reception (and rehersal) including the cake, clothes, etc. was under $800. Granted that was 19 years ago but I thought we had a nice wedding and reception. We are very happily married and had no debt. My mom was a single parent who couldn't afford to help out and I was still in college. Dh was working but not rich. I borrowed a wedding dress, people from church did the cake, flowers, etc. as their gifts to us, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4everHis Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) Well, my parents didn't pay for squat. Nor did MIL. We paid for our own wedding (on a shoestring...entire wedding, incl rings, was under $1,000) Personally, I think that the parents of the bride paying for everything mindset has/should go the way of the dodo. Esp when so many cpls want a $$$$$ wedding. If you *want* to help out financially, figure out what you can afford to contribute, and tell them, "Here's $X to pay for your wedding." and leave it at that. If they want to spend more, then that's up to them. so agree! If you want to help you tell them what that means $$ wise then if they want 'more' it's up to them to fund it. Same way you do their clothes in Jr./High school. Here's what mom & dad will pay for shoes, if you want 'different/more expensive/etc.' you come up with the difference. I paid for my wedding about $1,000. Borrowed a dress from a friend, cake and punch reception, it can be done. I'm just as married as the next girl and I don't have debt. =) Edited April 23, 2012 by connib Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 The average wedding in America I think costs around $20,000 or some such. :) Not in my family. We have had 4 children get married in the past 12 years, 2 of them in 2010. I don't think the total for all 4 of them would be $20,000. We had an interesting mix of who paid for what. However, traditionally we still paid for our share of the our daughter's wedding, but we got help from one groom's family. (They offered, we didn't ask) That was offset years later by us paying for the entire wedding for our son. Really, you do what you can. One of my mantras is that the reception should be what you can afford. If all you can afford is a cake/coffee reception, then that is what you have. Evening weddings followed by a dessert reception can be really lovely and elegant. Start with your husband and you deciding what you can afford, then the kiddoes and you have a talk. Including the potential in laws before you are ready with some answers is not advised, IMHO but it really depends on well you know them. Congratulations too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 One thing to consider if she really wants to get married quickly is to have a small private ceremony now and then the big reception on her 1st anniversary or some other date. DH and I did that when we decided to move our wedding up 18 months. My parents threw us a reception on the original wedding date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scuff Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 My mom said I will give you $XX. You can use it to pay for your wedding in full, use it to pay for part of your wedding, or elope and use it for a house, etc. We ended up using it for about half the wedding and paying the other half ourselves. My in laws paid for our photography for us. All my friends are married now. The only people I know who the bride's parents paid for it all is the woman my BIL is marrying. Sit them down and tell them what you can afford. You could also mention that if they waited you could probably do X amount more. If they are sensible grownups they should be able to plan accordingly and be grateful you are contributing. It takes about $45 to get married. Everything else is frosting. This is what my dad did. Gave us $5,000. Who controlled that money became a big drama issue since my parents were seperated. But, in theory, I think it's a great way to go. Gives them a budget they can work with or add to. Also gives thema chance to handle money together before the marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Having just a few months to plan will probably be a good thing- no time to obsess over table favors and engraved napkins. Our oldest moved her wedding up a year we ended up putting it together in a few months. What REALLY helped was to sit down and see what things were really important to them. And then we focused on that. There was no limo- they drove off in their own car, decorated by groomsmen. The reception food was simple but nice. It was done on a shoestring but nobody walked away thinking it was a tacky wedding- instead they felt they had witnessed the joining of two families and the beginning of Kimberly and Jason's new life. It can be done- but I totally understand how you're feeling right now!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3littles Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) We were both college grads, and I had just finished up my first year of working after completing my master's degree. My parents gave us several thousand. Substantial enough to cover a lot, but we did pick up some of it. ILs paid for the rehearsal dinner. We made compromises to have what we wanted-nice, sit down dinner, I did my own (fresh) flowers, my dress was fairly inexpensive. We got married in early December and I had purchased a lot of decor a year in advance on sale at 75% off (Michaels, AC Moore). We had a "wintery" theme but not "Christmas." We had a limo, but they upcharged for it being a wedding vs. just an hourly limo, so we went with a black limo and paid the hourly fee, which still came out to far less $$. We supplied beer, champagne, and wine all night, but did not have a true "open bar." No mixed drinks. We mostly financed our own honeymoon. What my parents paid covered the majority of the wedding and reception, but not all of it. We made compromises and had to really think about what was the most important to us, and I think that's okay. DH and I often say we have no regrets. We had a lovely wedding, received a lot of comments about how wonderful the food was and so forth. If I was doing it over, I would probably treat myself to a more expensive dress (although I don't dislike what I wore, this is just maturity telling me it would be okay to spend more than I did). Otherwise, there isn't much we'd change. I think if they are on a tight frame, it is time to have an open and honest conversation with them so they know what to expect. There are ways to trim costs-a brunch vs. a dinner, perhaps having the wedding on an "off" day-a Sunday ceremony on a long weekend, a classy punch, finger foods, and champagne type of reception (at an appropriate time of day of course, so people aren't expecting a full meal). I definitely urge you to talk to them now so they can adjust their expectations. They'll need to know how much you can help. After that they'll have to decide whether they want to save up on their own and wait a bit longer, pay for it out of their own pocket now, adjust their expectations and have a more modest reception, etc. But they can't arrive at those decisions unless they know what is available in terms of budget, and have time to figure out what they are willing to do about it. Edited April 23, 2012 by Momof3littles Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Yes. Expect that it will be all on your shoulders, and plan within that budget. If the groom's parents want to chip in, God bless 'em. It isn't necessary to spend "thousands of dollars." A simple wedding can be elegant. It doesn't need a sit-down dinner, 500 guests, flowers covering every surface, and a wedding dress that itself cost thousands of dollars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Well, my parents didn't pay for squat. Nor did MIL. We paid for our own wedding (on a shoestring...entire wedding, incl rings, was under $1,000) Personally, I think that the parents of the bride paying for everything mindset has/should go the way of the dodo. Esp when so many cpls want a $$$$$ wedding. If you *want* to help out financially, figure out what you can afford to contribute, and tell them, "Here's $X to pay for your wedding." and leave it at that. If they want to spend more, then that's up to them. :iagree:We paid for own on a shoestring as well. I think expensive weddings are a total waste and they should go the way of the dodo bird IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Thirty years ago my parents paid for mine, but every wedding I've been to in the past few years except for one was small scale. The last one we attended a month ago was at 1pm and had a "dessert reception to follow." From what I could tell everyone had the good sense to eat before hand. They did have hors d'oeuvres in addition to the cake--lots of cheese and crackers, swedish meatballs, spiral ham sliced with rolls nearby, big salad with italian dressing already on it. There was more, but that's what I'm remembering. My impression was that the brides relatives all brought something and everything was served in clear glass bowls and clear serving platters so it was beautiful. I heard they rented tableware too, but it did not have pot luck feel. It felt formal and was lovely. I enjoy these receptions so much more because I feel a part of it instead of waiting to be entertained at the high $$$ weddings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 Thank you all, so much! It really helps to know that we're not being tacky by offering what we can, and letting them work within that amount or add to it. Ironically, DD stopped by just now and we had a short chat--substantial talk to follow--and she assured me neither one has the expectation of anything extravagant. And truly, neither one is materialistic or lavish in anything they do. They've talked about his brothers (he has 4) playing the music (they had a band and are all skilled musicians) and some other ways of keeping it simple. Feeling MUCH better. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 There are a couple of other benefits to the destination wedding besides cost savings. One is you do not need to worry about tacky friends or relatives. Only very close friends and relatives are going to pay to go on vacation with you. So your wedding is shared with the best of the best. Two, your wedding will come up at every family gathering from that day forward. We got married in DisneyWorld, for example. The entire trip was filled with so much fun and magic for the guests that everyone gets all bubbly thinking about it, even years later. My sister married in the Bahamas with the same thought in mind. The money savings comes from the reduced guest list. Instead of 150 people attending back home, you might have 20 people at a destination wedding. You are also combining honeymoon and wedding costs. I have heard some cruise ship weddings are to die for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Tell them how much money you can contribute, and let them go from there. They can either have a small wedding in that budget or a bigger one and come up with the rest of the money another way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Thank you all, so much! It really helps to know that we're not being tacky by offering what we can, and letting them work within that amount or add to it. Ironically, DD stopped by just now and we had a short chat--substantial talk to follow--and she assured me neither one has the expectation of anything extravagant. And truly, neither one is materialistic or lavish in anything they do. They've talked about his brothers (he has 4) playing the music (they had a band and are all skilled musicians) and some other ways of keeping it simple. Feeling MUCH better. Thanks! This sounds like it's going to be a really fun wedding. Enjoy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Parents of the bride and groom should contribute whatever they are willing/able. They should communicate what that is to the happy couple. The happy couple should either make do, or come up with the rest of the amount themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 There are a couple of other benefits to the destination wedding besides cost savings. One is you do not need to worry about tacky friends or relatives. Only very close friends and relatives are going to pay to go on vacation with you. So your wedding is shared with the best of the best. Two, your wedding will come up at every family gathering from that day forward. We got married in DisneyWorld, for example. The entire trip was filled with so much fun and magic for the guests that everyone gets all bubbly thinking about it, even years later. My sister married in the Bahamas with the same thought in mind. The money savings comes from the reduced guest list. Instead of 150 people attending back home, you might have 20 people at a destination wedding. You are also combining honeymoon and wedding costs. I have heard some cruise ship weddings are to die for. That sounds like fun! Probably still out of our price range, but the memories would be incredible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kht2006 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I bought my dress at a consignment shop. My good friend ordered hers online cheap. We had a cake, punch, mints, nuts, coffee, iced tea only reception. I registered for some beautiful crystal vases, pitchers, and platters and used the ones I received as shower gifts as reception table center pieces. If she has a friend who is getting married or who just got married she may be able to borrow pew bows, centerpieces, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I did not ask my parents to pay for my wedding, nor do I intend to pay for my daughters' weddings. I think it is an antiquated idea. I would much rather spend that money helping them with a down payment on a house and not blow it on a single day. I think people should wait to get married until they can afford the wedding they want. If my child wants an extravagant wedding, go for it, but I am not paying. Have you discussed the issue with her? Maybe she would be happy with a small, low-key, less expensive wedding? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mchel210 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Do the bride's parents still shoulder the financial burden for a wedding these days? :confused: My parents gave us $3000 . We had a beautiful wedding. We paid anything extra we needed but it just took a little extra work....We may have spent a little more for photos on top of that. If I had to do it over..I would have a small wedding, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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