mchel210 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Do the bride's parents still shoulder the financial burden for a wedding these days? :confused: My parents gave us $3000 . We had a beautiful wedding. We paid anything extra we needed but it just took a little extra work....We may have spent a little more for photos on top of that. If I could do it over..I would have a smaller wedding, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeninok Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 Our wedding was about 2000, for 50 people. I actually did it at my parent's house in their backyard, they have a beautiful but comfortable home, so I just didn't see the need to rent out a place. We had a big tent, with lights and flowers, and did the food and music ourselves. Our flowers came from Sam's, a lot of the food came from Sam's and was prepped that week by me and my best friend. We did order chicken and beef from a local restaurant. We also had wine and beer, that I ordered at wholesale prices through a friend. My dress came from Dillard's, it was an adorable tea length white dress with a heart neckline...it cost all of 45 dollars on sale. Originally it had been closer to 200. I also made all of the invitations myself, and the favor bags, and wrapped silverware in napkins and ribbons etc etc. It really helped to be crafty, and to have a really great best friend to help with it all. It was a lot of work, for such a small wedding, but I cherish it, it was exactly the wedding we both wanted. The combination of a big tent, and tiny white lights was beautiful, the tent was a little pricey, but totally worth it in case it drizzled. I will never forget my dad drying the grass with giant fans that day. Let me see if I can get these links to a couple of the pictures working. http://i728.photobucket.com/albums/ww286/jennifer_chad/marks%20pictures/IMG_1253.jpg http://i728.photobucket.com/albums/ww286/jennifer_chad/marks%20pictures/IMG_1260.jpg http://i728.photobucket.com/albums/ww286/jennifer_chad/oklahoma37.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 My parents didn't pay one cent for my wedding. My mom & sister weren't even there. I don't plan to pay for the girls' weddings either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I think you figure out the dollar amount you can afford, tell your dd now and stick to it. If it's a church wedding, perhaps you can do an early ceremony and rent the church basement for the reception. Or rent a banquet room at a community center or VFW. If you thought you could count on the weather, someone's backyard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara R Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 One advantage you have for planning a cost effective wedding is the internet. Pinterest has a ton of ideas. There are many budget wedding blogs out there. Here is Young House Love's description of her lovely $4000 wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 Our wedding was about 2000, for 50 people. I actually did it at my parent's house in their backyard, they have a beautiful but comfortable home, so I just didn't see the need to rent out a place. We had a big tent, with lights and flowers, and did the food and music ourselves. Our flowers came from Sam's, a lot of the food came from Sam's and was prepped that week by me and my best friend. We did order chicken and beef from a local restaurant. We also had wine and beer, that I ordered at wholesale prices through a friend. My dress came from Dillard's, it was an adorable tea length white dress with a heart neckline...it cost all of 45 dollars on sale. Originally it had been closer to 200. I also made all of the invitations myself, and the favor bags, and wrapped silverware in napkins and ribbons etc etc. It really helped to be crafty, and to have a really great best friend to help with it all. It was a lot of work, for such a small wedding, but I cherish it, it was exactly the wedding we both wanted. The combination of a big tent, and tiny white lights was beautiful, the tent was a little pricey, but totally worth it in case it drizzled. I will never forget my dad drying the grass with giant fans that day. Let me see if I can get these links to a couple of the pictures working. http://i728.photobucket.com/albums/ww286/jennifer_chad/marks%20pictures/IMG_1253.jpg http://i728.photobucket.com/albums/ww286/jennifer_chad/marks%20pictures/IMG_1260.jpg http://i728.photobucket.com/albums/ww286/jennifer_chad/oklahoma37.jpg Beautiful photos! Thanks for sharing :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeninok Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I'm glad you like them, I would be happy to share more, or give you a link to more. They tend to get a little silly though once the main crowd cleared out and it was just our very closest friends and family. :party: But that is also why I cherish the whole night so much, we were able to be silly, and irreverent, and have a grand ol' time...because that is who we are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SebastianCat Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 My DH & I were older, living on our own and working full time when we married, so the situation was a little different. But my dad wrote us a check and let us do with it what we wanted. My mom bought my dress. My grandparents paid for the cake. DH's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner. DH & I paid for the rest. This is a wonderful opportunity for a young couple to begin handling finances as a couple. I think the idea of meeting together with both sets of parents and having a frank discussion about exactly how much you can contribute NOW, how much you could contribute if they WAIT, and what they want vs. what they expect is excellent! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 I'm glad you like them, I would be happy to share more, or give you a link to more. They tend to get a little silly though once the main crowd cleared out and it was just our very closest friends and family. :party: But that is also why I cherish the whole night so much, we were able to be silly, and irreverent, and have a grand ol' time...because that is who we are. We have a grand time at weddings also. I'll never forget my cousin sliding across the floor in her wedding dress when Footloose played. Good times! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gisele Marie Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Both of our boys got married last year- about 8 months apart! We gave a particular amount for the honeymoon, paid for the flowers and the rehearsal dinner. Hope this helps! Gisele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gisele Marie Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 My first son's wedding was beautifully simple. The wedding was held in the middle of the afternoon so to avoid having to provide dinner. They had elegant white boxes tied with ribbon that matched the brides maid's dresses- that contained a deli sandwich, piece of fruit and a bag of artsy looking chips ;). They had a candy bar and cupcakes. No one went away hungry and again it was beautifully done! Gisele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Yes. Expect that it will be all on your shoulders, and plan within that budget. If the groom's parents want to chip in, God bless 'em. It isn't necessary to spend "thousands of dollars." A simple wedding can be elegant. It doesn't need a sit-down dinner, 500 guests, flowers covering every surface, and a wedding dress that itself cost thousands of dollars. :iagree:It is traditionally the responsibility of the bride's parents, and the groom's family should not be expected to contribute to the cost. If they offer, that's lovely, but it would be the height of tackiness to ask them. Tell your dd how much you can contribute and leave it at that. She and her fiancé can make up the difference if they want something more lavish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JenC3 Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 (edited) Our wedding was pretty simple. We split the cost with both sets of parents. We paid for rings:$330 Flowers: I got a wholesaler to give me 4 dozen red roses shipped to our wedding FREE. We paid about $80 for the wedding party flowers. Honeymoon ski trip to Canada;) Made our programs and favors. Centerpieces were roses and dollar store bowls with floating candles. We burned all of the cds and rented a dance floor. Best friend played piano at the wedding. I wore my Grandmother's dress from 1950. We had the rehearsal dinner at a cheap Local burger joint and everyone gambled on the riverboat across the street. Nothing formal. 90% of our guests, including us due to a move, were from out of town. We made up gifts bags of water and snacks and delivered them to all the hotel rooms to welcome guests. Groom parents paid for pics. Open bar-they wanted this. My parents paid for the church/priest $200, a cathedral decorated for Christmas, we didn't do a thing. Rental fee for the space we rented, an amazing space above a refurbished theatre that had great views of downtown. Appetizers and desserts for guests. We were married in the evening. Invitations. Our weddng was wonderful. Very retro and classy. We didn't have cake, etc. My only regret was letting dh hire the photog. Edited April 24, 2012 by JenC3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 :iagree:It is traditionally the responsibility of the bride's parents, and the groom's family should not be expected to contribute to the cost. If they offer, that's lovely, but it would be the height of tackiness to ask them. Tell your dd how much you can contribute and leave it at that. She and her fiancé can make up the difference if they want something more lavish. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 I think that, more and more, people are sharing the costs of weddings. It can be done in many ways -- sometimes the couple and both sets of parents all chip in, sometimes both sets of parents, or the couple and the bride's parents. It really depends on the family situations. FWIW, I think it's unreasonable to expect the bride's parents to shoulder all costs. I also think that it is unreasonable assumption for a bride to expect that of her parents, too. I think you should sit down with your dd and her fiance and start discussing how much you CAN comfortably contribute and ask them how they'd like to pay for the rest, or if they'd like help making the wedding fit that budget. A bride is NOT entitled to a wedding that costs "thousands of dollars" unless she is willing to pay for most or all of it herself. So, letting them know what you CAN offer them will probably help them to think realistically about what kind of wedding they can really AFFORD as opposed to what kind of wedding they WANT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 Looks like a pretty good consensus! We won't ask the groom's parents to pay for anything (plus we haven't met them yet, so talk about awkward!) After a bit more discussion (big talk still to come) I'm reasonably confident our daughter and fiance don't have unrealistic expectations. At this point they seem to be more concerned with being married than with the wedding, and for that I'm thankful. Silly wedding shows on TV that my daughter used to watch endlessly kind of had me worried! Good thing she didn't set her standard by that. Whew. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tristangrace Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 I'd say that it is traditional for bride's parents to pay for the wedding and for the groom' parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner . . . but not many people do things traditionally these days, and in this case, I think that's a very good thing! I also imagine that it is more common for the parents of younger bride to shoulder the cost than it is for parents of brides who have been out on their own for several years, but that still doesn't mean it's good to spend more than you can. In my case, I was almost 29 when I got married and my husband and I did not expect our parents to pay for our wedding. However, my in-laws had/have more money than my parents, so they very graciously offered to pay for our reception, while my parents paid for the rehearsal dinner--almost a complete reversal of tradition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyCrazyMama Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 There are a couple of other benefits to the destination wedding besides cost savings. One is you do not need to worry about tacky friends or relatives. Only very close friends and relatives are going to pay to go on vacation with you. So your wedding is shared with the best of the best. Two, your wedding will come up at every family gathering from that day forward. We got married in DisneyWorld, for example. The entire trip was filled with so much fun and magic for the guests that everyone gets all bubbly thinking about it, even years later. My sister married in the Bahamas with the same thought in mind. The money savings comes from the reduced guest list. Instead of 150 people attending back home, you might have 20 people at a destination wedding. You are also combining honeymoon and wedding costs. I have heard some cruise ship weddings are to die for. You must have missed some of the destination wedding threads. They might save but that cost is transferred to the guests, unless you plan on paying for their travel expenses and then you wouldn't be saving much, if anything. It is not a simple solution and comes with it's own sticky situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StartingOver Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 I didn't ask my parents, we paid for everything but the reception drink bill up front. My father surprised us while we were on honeymoon by paying that bill. The reason I am sure, he was friends with the owner, was that he got behind the bar and was serving drinks like mad. And they weren't weak drinks. The bill we had estimated to be around $1000 cost dad $5000. LMAO I was thrilled he paid it, I didn't have that much cash left over. Our total bill, including flying in my older children was only twice his total. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMRB Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 My parents gave us a specified contribution (knowing it wasn't enough) and paid for my dress. DH and I had to decide how much of our own money we wanted to spend and do all of the budgeting and paying ourselves. Having been through it, I am personally glad that my parents left us to handle that first major money challenge alone. I firmly believe that engaged couples should be thrown into the fire so to speak to see if they can handle creating and executing the budget together. I think the days of mom controlling everything and dad just handing over the credit card are (and should) be long gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 I think the days of mom controlling everything and dad just handing over the credit card are (and should) be long gone. Well, that would be the extreme end of the bride's parents paying for the wedding, but it's not reality for many people. As I said before, my parents paid for our wedding. It was not a cheap affair, but they were able to afford it. They offered to do so when we told them we were engaged. I am the only daughter and they had planned and waited for this for 20-something years. My mom and I had great fun planning it and to this day (nearly 14 years later), she regards it as one of her fondest memories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 We had a church wedding and church hall reception. Wedding at 10am, luncheon buffet afterwards. No alcohol. We did all of it (rentals, wedding dress, lunch, cake, photographer) for around $5,000 and we could have cut it less but the photographer was about $2,000. Glad her expectations aren't too high. BTW: MIL hated our wedding, told us it was too "cheap" because she wanted alcohol and a fancy dinner......but we are the only ones of her children still married after 17 years......just sayin' ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 There are a couple of other benefits to the destination wedding besides cost savings. One is you do not need to worry about tacky friends or relatives. Only very close friends and relatives are going to pay to go on vacation with you. So your wedding is shared with the best of the best. You really need to keep the finances of the people you care about in mind with destination weddings. You may be including your tacky Aunt Martha who is independently wealthy and has way too much time on her hands, while excluding your single parent sister. It can also be seen as shoving the cost of the wedding onto the guests. I've seen friends get invited to destination weddings where the cost to the bride and groom was very inexpensive because the wedding costs were covered by the guest packages. That's tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Our wedding was a "mom controlled everything and dad paid" deal and I loved it. They paid for the honeymoon too. I just sat back and enjoyed it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertDweller Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 Well, that would be the extreme end of the bride's parents paying for the wedding, but it's not reality for many people. As I said before, my parents paid for our wedding. It was not a cheap affair, but they were able to afford it. They offered to do so when we told them we were engaged. I am the only daughter and they had planned and waited for this for 20-something years. My mom and I had great fun planning it and to this day (nearly 14 years later), she regards it as one of her fondest memories. This was my dil. She isn't an only, but the youngest and only girl. When she and ds got engaged, she and her mom (along with some input from ds) planned everything. They were willing to pay for it. It was by no means extravagant, but it was probably one of the nicest weddings/receptions I'd ever been at. They did many things to cut costs, but they wanted to have certain things and her family was willing to pay for it. I know her mom put a lot of thought and time into it. It was a very special time for both of them. We did plan and pay for the rehearsal dinner and a few other things that the groom's family might normally take care of, but overall they planned and paid for most everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted April 24, 2012 Author Share Posted April 24, 2012 We had a church wedding and church hall reception. Wedding at 10am, luncheon buffet afterwards. No alcohol. We did all of it (rentals, wedding dress, lunch, cake, photographer) for around $5,000 and we could have cut it less but the photographer was about $2,000. Glad her expectations aren't too high. BTW: MIL hated our wedding, told us it was too "cheap" because she wanted alcohol and a fancy dinner......but we are the only ones of her children still married after 17 years......just sayin' ;) Wow...just, wow. That's an awful thing for her to have said :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 we both paid for our wedding--parents didn't do anything--mom did end up getting my wedding dress for me but it was her decision and she surprised me.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted April 24, 2012 Share Posted April 24, 2012 We paid for our wedding and we were 22 and 21. My mom did buy my wedding dress ($99 at a clearance sale at David's Bridal). We had a tiny wedding and all the costs were probably in the few hundreds. We couldn't ask my mom to pay for anything else, since she was a widow without much money and was dying from a terminal illness at that point. It was why we got married before my dh's senior year in college- so I would have one parent alive for my wedding. I made the right decision because my mom did die a few weeks before my dh's graduation from college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiebird Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 I just watched two sets of lower income parents (my DH's parents and the bride's parents) take out loans or get second mortgages on their house (in my DH's parent's case) to pay for a wedding. My Bil and his FI came home one day saying they were engaged and wanted to be married in 9 months. They expected to contribute nothing. Both parents went along with it because one was the baby of the family and the bride was the only girl. :glare: I think it was immensely stupid since they are very young and naive and that didn't help teach them anything. Also, I might be biased because those same parents didn't offer to help with anything for DH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susann Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 Sit them down and tell them what you can afford. You could also mention that if they waited you could probably do X amount more. If they are sensible grownups they should be able to plan accordingly and be grateful you are contributing. It takes about $45 to get married. Everything else is frosting. :iagree: DH and I totally paid for our wedding 25 years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 (edited) old thread Edited August 30, 2012 by KatieinMich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 You tell them how much you can afford to pay for, then they either plan a wedding inline with that budget or they can choose to pay for the rest themselves, or ask his family for a contribution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 old thread Yes, it was a newbie who bumped several old wedding threads and posted one liners. I saw that her comment was completely eliminated from this thread, leaving it looking like Prairiebird bumped it up. It wasn't her though. I noticed the newbie this morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted August 30, 2012 Share Posted August 30, 2012 The couple are married now! And I hear the wedding was wonderful!;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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