If you attend a family integrated church or bring children into the service

[Dustybug]

How do you get them to be (mostly) still and (mostly) quiet? Our church has a nursery that I do utilize for my youngest DD (19 months), however we also attend my FIL's church on a fairly regular basis because he has only recently become the pastor there and is trying to rebuild. It is small mountain church that has had waning attendance in recent years. This church has no facilities geared towards young children. My oldest two do well most of the time with some pencils and paper or coloring pages throughout the service, but my youngest starts squirming and fussing as soon as the preaching begins. She will want to nurse, which my DH isn't comfortable with me doing in the sanctuary, so I either have to get up and go to a small, small room used for the few older children's sunday school class(which is not toddler friendly and the walls are thin anyway, so any noise she makes there can still be heard out in the sanctuary)or out to the car. After she nurses, she still refuses to be entertained in any way. Today she kept crying and yelling, "Walk!" because she wanted to get down and walk around, which we would not allow. I ended up spending the bulk of the service out in the car with her (which happens frequently when we attend there). I don't know what to do, but I feel like I should just stay home with her when DH wants to visit there. This frustrates me because I WANT to go, but have tried everything I can think of to try to keep DD occupied quietly. My other two were easily placated at that age and would sit quite happily with me if I had a book or crayons, etc.

 

I should mention that it does NOT help that the service starts at the time DD is usually lying down for her daily nap any other day of the week.

Edited February 20, 2012 by Dustybug

[milovany]

Maybe try practice runs at home when the pressure's not on. Have times when she has to sit still quietly for 5 minutes while you do something else nearby. Just have this be something you do regularly and then start increasing it little by little. Let her look at books (if that's something you'd let her do at church).

 

We keep our kids with us at Divine Liturgy, and I have found that it's also effective to be whispering in their ear what's going on. "Look, the priest is carrying out the Gospel book and we're all standing because we want to show reverence for it," or "Can you hear the words? We're saying the Nicene Creed which tells us what we believe as a church. Listen, we're going to say 'light of light'. Tell me when you hear it."

 

Hope that helps.

[Starr]

I think the church has a problem. They aren't going to grow if there isn't anywhere safe for little ones. Can you just toddle around with her in the back of the church?

[HiddenJewel]

At the age of your little one, I would end up standing at the back. (And we are pretty strict about our dc sitting quietly in church.)

[MrsMommy]

This is my best advice on children in church. We've had all of our children with us in the pew from the time they were a few weeks old. It's not always easy, but I think it's very important for families to worship together, and the amount that even toddlers can learn from a church service is astounding!

[SweetandSimple]

I resort to fruit snacks quite often during our service. They're a special treat, and not messy-- no crumbs or anything to litter the floor.

[Calm37]

I thought I was such a great mom when my first three had no problem with sitting in church. Superior training, you know. Well, the Lord sure humbled me with my fourth! No way would she sit still and be quiet. There was really nothing, nothing I could do. She is still a wiggle woman at 13. I still have to tell her to sit still in church!

 

Just go with your family. I remember those feelings, "Ummm, why did I bother to get all dressed up for this?" But, you know, there is still more going on than just the service. And you are all together. And this, too, shall pass! :) Perhaps your husband would be willing to take a week here and there dealing with her.

 

Blessings,

[carlychan]

We have our children in service with us. The best advice is just give it time. If they are in church regularly every week they will learn to sit quietly. Give her crayons to color with. Let her look through a quiet book that she only gets at church. I take a bag with a sippy cup, coloring books, and another activity that changes every week. I take lacing animals, counting/sorting bears, small puzzles, baby dolls, legos, etc. My kids usually get bored of those and just cuddle on my lap, but when they were smaller I had to keep them busy. She will get used to it. Does it bother your father in law? I bet he doesn't even notice the kids when he starts preaching. My father-in-law and husband are preachers and they totally block out the "kid noise." I bet it bothers you more than anyone:) Hang in there. It will get better.

[chepyl]

Crayons, and 8.5x11 paper cut in half. Keep it in a baggie that fits in your purse. Just a few crayons....not enough to spill and go everywhere. And some sort of finger food treat. My grandparents church used to hand these items out as you entered the service.

[ktgrok]

I would either discreetly nurse, and or walk around the back of the church carrying her. or end up outside, lol.

[LAS in LA]

We've never attended a family integrated church, but we do keep our children with us in the service. The older two can manage themselves now. DS3 has a bag of "sermon-time-only" toys. The lacing puzzle sees a lot of action; there are also finger puppets, crayons, little cars, a bendy man. One of those soft "busy books" might be fun, too. When the children were younger (<2), and when we attended smaller churches, I often ended up in a lobby or other room with them.

 

BTW, I love the idea of being able to prime children for what's coming up in the liturgy.

[Dustybug]

I think the church has a problem. They aren't going to grow if there isn't anywhere safe for little ones. Can you just toddle around with her in the back of the church?

 

The church itself is tiny. There is the foyer (which is really only a few steps long), the sanctuary, the room I mentioned earlier, the bathrooms and a miniscule kitchen. The fellowship hall is a row of picnic tables with a cover over them. :) There really isn't anywhere to have a nursery type place. Maybe if they grew more and brought in more money, but there are only about 30 members there right now. It is in a very small mountain community.

 

I resort to fruit snacks quite often during our service. They're a special treat, and not messy-- no crumbs or anything to litter the floor.

 

Snacks don't work. She will eat one or two and tire of it.

 

I thought I was such a great mom when my first three had no problem with sitting in church. Superior training, you know. Well, the Lord sure humbled me with my fourth! No way would she sit still and be quiet. There was really nothing, nothing I could do. She is still a wiggle woman at 13. I still have to tell her to sit still in church!

 

Just go with your family. I remember those feelings, "Ummm, why did I bother to get all dressed up for this?" But, you know, there is still more going on than just the service. And you are all together. And this, too, shall pass! :) Perhaps your husband would be willing to take a week here and there dealing with her.

 

Blessings,

 

My husband wouldn't mind taking turns, but he works so much that he misses the Wed. evening and Sun. evening services at our own church every week. I'd hate to ask him to miss the one service a week he can attend, when I get to to go to both of the others.

 

We have our children in service with us. The best advice is just give it time. If they are in church regularly every week they will learn to sit quietly. Give her crayons to color with. Let her look through a quiet book that she only gets at church. I take a bag with a sippy cup, coloring books, and another activity that changes every week. I take lacing animals, counting/sorting bears, small puzzles, baby dolls, legos, etc. My kids usually get bored of those and just cuddle on my lap, but when they were smaller I had to keep them busy. She will get used to it. Does it bother your father in law? I bet he doesn't even notice the kids when he starts preaching. My father-in-law and husband are preachers and they totally block out the "kid noise." I bet it bothers you more than anyone:) Hang in there. It will get better.

 

Actually, it does bother FIL. He isn't annoyed by the noise per se, but he believes that noisy children in a church service could distract someone who isn't saved from hearing the message. DH sort of feels the same. *shrug* If we were members that this church, I might take issue with that, but we really just visit to give support and help where we can. We are the only young-ish couple and the only ones with younger children there. At our own church, this kind of thing isn't a problem. We have a nursery, with workers, and even if you bring children into the service, no one bats an eye at slight noises here and there.

 

It isn't so much the little bit of expected toddler noise, it is that once she bores of being there, she will cry and protest loudly. *sigh*

[JenniferB]

In our church the service (liturgy) means work of the people, and sometimes your work is with your little one, and that's ok. Practically, though a blankie and snuggle tight with mom with binkie in. 19 months is so young to expect or require behavior, in my opinion.

[Dustybug]

Maybe try practice runs at home when the pressure's not on. Have times when she has to sit still quietly for 5 minutes while you do something else nearby. Just have this be something you do regularly and then start increasing it little by little. Let her look at books (if that's something you'd let her do at church).

 

We keep our kids with us at Divine Liturgy, and I have found that it's also effective to be whispering in their ear what's going on. "Look, the priest is carrying out the Gospel book and we're all standing because we want to show reverence for it," or "Can you hear the words? We're saying the Nicene Creed which tells us what we believe as a church. Listen, we're going to say 'light of light'. Tell me when you hear it."

 

Hope that helps.

 

 

I do like the idea of practice runs. I had never really thought of that.

 

 

This is my best advice on children in church. We've had all of our children with us in the pew from the time they were a few weeks old. It's not always easy, but I think it's very important for families to worship together, and the amount that even toddlers can learn from a church service is astounding!

 

I just read your post(thank you for sharing) and I already do most of that! lol. We sit in the front, I don't bring noisy toys, etc. This little one is just a bundle of squirms and noise! I feel helpless. :confused: Today I did actually realize that I shouldn't make it more "fun" by taking her somewhere to run or play when we leave, so that is definitely something to work on.

[Starr]

Can't the one room be made more child friendly so you could go out for the sermon? Actually I always thought nursing during the sermon was brilliant.

[ktgrok]

After reading your response I think hubby should go to show support, and you should stay home with the kids. Or go to the Sunday morning service at your normal church. If the whole point is to be supportive of your FIL, and he finds the kids distracting, than I see no purpose in you going.

[Natalieclare]

Stated in one of the programs for our fellowship of churches: Patiently train your children to be with you in the service....(or something close to that.) I love that word: Patiently!!! Some children have required me to be much much more patient than others!!!!! My current toddler falls into that category; he's about 2 and sounds pretty much like yours. He's number 6. I know by the time he's 5, he'll be pretty much a piece of cake, no matter what I do now.

 

Sometimes I put him in the baby backpack and walk him; sometimes I go on the front steps of the church (outside) and hold him where his resistance isn't going to disturb others. Sometimes we just take turns stepping out of the room with him. One of the moms in our church used to put her noisy napneeder into a stroller and walk back and forth across the back of the church til he fell asleep. Shrug.

 

It's a season. It doesn't last forever. Some kids are much much harder than others.

 

Don't forget to pray about it!

Edited February 20, 2012 by Natalieclare

[Dustybug]

Can't the one room be made more child friendly so you could go out for the sermon? Actually I always thought nursing during the sermon was brilliant.

 

Maybe? But since we are the only family with younger children there and we aren't actual members, I'm not really sure I would feel comfortable asking them to change it. It isn't dangerous or anything, just small. There is a small table and craft supplies in there. There isn't much room to move about and many times, whatever craft the olders made that morning are still lying about the room until after the service is over.

 

After reading your response I think hubby should go to show support, and you should stay home with the kids. Or go to the Sunday morning service at your normal church. If the whole point is to be supportive of your FIL, and he finds the kids distracting, than I see no purpose in you going.

 

I should probably clarify slightly. FIL doesn't expect children to be silent and unnoticed, he just doesn't like loud, continuous noise, kwim? He loves when we come to church and hasn't actually said anything to us, but DH knows his feelings on the matter because, well, he grew up with him. lol

 

I would attend our church while DH went to FIL's, but we share one vehicle.

[Laurie4b]

After reading your response I think hubby should go to show support, and you should stay home with the kids. Or go to the Sunday morning service at your normal church. If the whole point is to be supportive of your FIL, and he finds the kids distracting, than I see no purpose in you going.

:iagree: I would take your children to your church, though, so they continue to grow to be more and more a part of your own church body, but if you both think it's important, dh could take the older ones with him. Since you aren't going every week to FIL's church, it's going to be really hard to train her. I'm not sure at all that it is worth it in that context. In a church where no one else has little ones, there is likely to be unreasonable irritation on the part of others in addition to your FIL.

[Tutor]

I draw (bad) stick-figure representations of the sermon for my kids to see when they are that age (up through about age 10). I will whisper occasional clarifications in their ears while I draw, and they are allowed to whisper questions to me. It keeps them engaged in what is going on in the service and they learn to connect the pictures with words they are hearing in the sermon and begin to (slowly) pay more and more attention to the sermon.

 

If they are very antsy, I'd let them play quietly on the floor with some quiet toys or coloring rather than make them sit in the pew or I'd walk slowly with them in the back of the sanctuary.

 

When all else fails, out we'd go. :D

[PeacefulChaos]

After reading your response I think hubby should go to show support, and you should stay home with the kids. Or go to the Sunday morning service at your normal church. If the whole point is to be supportive of your FIL, and he finds the kids distracting, than I see no purpose in you going.

 

:iagree: tbh. :)

And I get where your DH and your FIL are coming from with their opinion on a lot of noise. I don't disagree with them. (Which is why I could NEVER attend a church where my children couldn't be a part of a great kids program. EVER.)

I totally see why you are doing this, though. :) This too shall pass.

[IsabelC]

Would you 19mo nap on your lap in church if you got her super tired out beforehand? (I know you'd ideally like her to learn to pay attention, but just as an interim measure...)

 

If your FIL wants to grow a vibrant church family, though, he really needs to look at making it more geared to young families. Even in a small community, there would be others with toddlers. There may well be families who would attend if it were more child friendly.

[nono]

Would a rocking chair help? I think our little church got the rocker specifically for my son and me! :)

[momofkhm]

FIL doesn't expect children to be silent and unnoticed, he just doesn't like loud, continuous noise, kwim? He loves when we come to church and hasn't actually said anything to us, but DH knows his feelings on the matter because, well, he grew up with him. lol

 

BUT grandparents feel differently about their grandchildren than about their children. What annoyed FIL when your husband was little may not annoy him with his grandkids.

 

We have a nursery at our church, but there was a week that we had a visitor there with very young ones in the service the whole time. She found a corner, laid out a blanket and sat on the blanket with no noise toys with the baby. There were happy baby sounds but no fussing. Her slightly older child was happy in the pew with dad with crayons and little books.

 

So maybe instead of sitting up front, you could sit on the side, toward the back and sit with her on a blanket? Blanket train at home.

[MegP]

BUT grandparents feel differently about their grandchildren than about their children. What annoyed FIL when your husband was little may not annoy him with his grandkids.

 

We have a nursery at our church, but there was a week that we had a visitor there with very young ones in the service the whole time. She found a corner, laid out a blanket and sat on the blanket with no noise toys with the baby. There were happy baby sounds but no fussing. Her slightly older child was happy in the pew with dad with crayons and little books.

 

So maybe instead of sitting up front, you could sit on the side, toward the back and sit with her on a blanket? Blanket train at home.

 

 

That is a great idea! But whether you use a blanket or not, if you don't work on this DAILY at home, you are unlikely to see any success in this area.

[Soror]

She is 19 months? That was around the worst age for all of mine. We sit up front so they can see, bring quiet things like books and paper to draw and we pass the baby around trying to quietly placate. However, at that age they don't always make it the full hr being still and quiet. Sometimes we take them to the back- sometimes I'd go nurse and sometimes to walk around. We try to continue to hold them even if we take them back and not put them down and let them play. Our 2 yo now usually stays in service the whole time, last week dh took her out for about 10-15 min and walked her around(she hadn't had a nap yet and was super tired). He brought her back when she was asleep. Ours have went every week since they were born. I think that helps as well. Also, as pp mentioned a lot is in personality dd2 is a pretty easy going baby, ds1 was much more challenging due to a lot of reasons I'm sure but it seemed it took forever to make it a whole service. Dd1 was the worst from around 18 months-2 and dd2 was off and on from about the same.

[Dustybug]

Would you 19mo nap on your lap in church if you got her super tired out beforehand? (I know you'd ideally like her to learn to pay attention, but just as an interim measure...)

 

If your FIL wants to grow a vibrant church family, though, he really needs to look at making it more geared to young families. Even in a small community, there would be others with toddlers. There may well be families who would attend if it were more child friendly.

 

She rarely will fall asleep in my arms. I've tried. DH has tried. She fights it. Yesterday I took her out to the car, put her in her carseat and drove around the parking lot until she fell asleep.

 

 

 

I just might try the blanket training idea as well. Thank you everyone for the ideas! I really needed some outside input.

[sunriseiz]

:iagree: tbh. :)

And I get where your DH and your FIL are coming from with their opinion on a lot of noise. I don't disagree with them. (Which is why I could NEVER attend a church where my children couldn't be a part of a great kids program. EVER.)

I totally see why you are doing this, though. :) This too shall pass.

 

and

 

She is 19 months? That was around the worst age for all of mine.

 

:iagree:

[HayesW]

Our children have all been with us through nearly every service from birth. We do have a "nursery" in back, but I use it only as a nursing space for my young nurslings and for a cry room when I have an upset infant.

 

Practice.

 

We don't take in books or toys or games as I find it causes me lots of stress and distraction trying to find what each child wants. I carry pens and notepads for my 2 littlest ones now. The bigger children all hcarry their own bags with a Bible, notebook, and pens/pencils.

 

During times of corporate worship - singing, praying, scripture reading, Lord's supper, no one has anything out other than a song book or a Bible. Ours get paper and pens for the sermon, about 20 -30 minutes of the service.

 

19 months is a tough time. However, I wouldn't leave services to nurse my 19 month old. I would make sure she was well fed, and then ask her to wait.

 

Constant reinforcement worked for us. Before each thing we do, I told my little ones what was happening.

 

"Now, we are going to sing a song. That's Mr. Gavin up there. He is a song leader. He helps us to all sing together."

 

"Now Mr. Richard is going to read from Romans. Let's look up Romans in this Bible."

 

"Now it's time for the Lord's supper. It is very important. Mama and Daddy will be talking to God. You must be very quiet and not talk at all right now. Thank you so much."

 

Etc. I know every church and every family is different. Consistency is key. Decide what will work for you, and make sure you do it!

[Parrothead]

After reading your response I think hubby should go to show support, and you should stay home with the kids. Or go to the Sunday morning service at your normal church. If the whole point is to be supportive of your FIL, and he finds the kids distracting, than I see no purpose in you going.

:iagree:To me the idea that children are not welcome in church during services is foreign. But I won't bring dd where she isn't wanted. There are other ways to show support.

 

but he believes that noisy children in a church service could distract someone who isn't saved from hearing the message.

This sounds a bit arrogant to me.

[jennsmile]

:grouphug: It is hard but this too shall pass.

 

We have sacrament meeting with our kiddos everyweek. We bring book (religious themed), crayons, I have made quiet file folder games, I have some felt activities. Snacks are nice sometimes as well.

 

At that age though I spend a lot of time either with them in a carrier and me standing (they often fall asleep) or I walk the halls, thankfully there is usually a speaker so I don't miss much. Sometimes they also walk the chapel. Not the most reverent idea but sometimes they find a person to sit with who doesn't have any kids and has new things to look at. I remember when my oldest had just figured out commando crawling and went to explore he was fine for the longest time and then he realized he wasn't with me and screamed.

[Vanna]

I don't attend a family-intergrated church but we do believe in the practice of having the children in services from age 3 y.o. and up.

 

This is my best advice on children in church. We've had all of our children with us in the pew from the time they were a few weeks old. It's not always easy, but I think it's very important for families to worship together, and the amount that even toddlers can learn from a church service is astounding!

I liked some of Amanda's suggestions. Keep these in mind for when your little one is a little older. I don't like the idea of snacks and toys, JMO. I did not use these in training our children to be in service. Some of my friends have used toys and/or snacks -- it's a matter of choice here. :)

 

Our training started at home in having family devotions after dinner (and "schooltime" devotions when we started homeschooling). Basically we would teach the children to sit and pay attention to a 5 min. devotional (usually using Bible-based picture books) and gradually increase that time.

 

We also used the Shepherding a Child's Heart model of training/discipline.

 

...My husband wouldn't mind taking turns, but he works so much that he misses the Wed. evening and Sun. evening services at our own church every week. I'd hate to ask him to miss the one service a week he can attend, when I get to to go to both of the others...

I know you'd hate to ask him, but if he's willing and if you are both on the same page in terms of child training, you should really take him up on it. The Bible makes it clear that it's primarily the father's job to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Eph 6:4).

 

So, your dd is a little young to be trained to sit, IMO. I guess you'll have to make the best of your situation (but please don't go to separate churches).

[DusksAngel]

We go to a small county church (30 total people there on a normal Sunday morning, including children) and our children are with us at all times. The church is one large room with a small entryway and 2 bathrooms. We currently have 6 children, all under 5.

 

I used to bring lots of "quiet toys", snacks, coloring supplies, and books. Now, I let them each pick one thing and have paper/pens in my purse. We let them "read" hymn books as well.

 

My husband and I sit on each end of the pew and the children are allowed to play between us. They must whisper and cannot crawl all over the floor, although they may sit on the floor to play (I try to remember to bring a few blankets for this). If they start getting restless, they must sit down on the pew with us.

 

If they are making more noise than is acceptable I've taken them to the back and walked with them in my arms, to the bathroom, or outside. As soon as they are calm again, we go back. Sometimes I feel like a yo-yo doing this over and over, but eventually it seems to work.

 

P.S. I always sit by the side aisle so I can slip out easily. This is also good for potty breaks.

[NicAnn]

I liked some of Amanda's suggestions. Keep these in mind for when your little one is a little older. I don't like the idea of snacks and toys, JMO. I did not use these in training our children to be in service. Some of my friends have used toys and/or snacks -- it's a matter of choice here. :)

 

Our training started at home in having family devotions after dinner (and "schooltime" devotions when we started homeschooling). Basically we would teach the children to sit and pay attention to a 5 min. devotional (usually using Bible-based picture books) and gradually increase that time.

 

 

 

Agreed. We do a weekly bible study, weekly family meeting, and school seat work each day. At age 4, Dd can sit in the meetings for 2 hours now with little issue. At age 1...maybe 10 minutes! But they learn quickly. We make it clear that this is just how it it. We came here to learn about God and show respect.

 

Good luck!

[Ellie]

Actually, it does bother FIL. He isn't annoyed by the noise per se, but he believes that noisy children in a church service could distract someone who isn't saved from hearing the message. DH sort of feels the same. *shrug* If we were members that this church, I might take issue with that, but we really just visit to give support and help where we can. We are the only young-ish couple and the only ones with younger children there. At our own church, this kind of thing isn't a problem. We have a nursery, with workers, and even if you bring children into the service, no one bats an eye at slight noises here and there.

So, a fussy/noisy baby has more impact than the Holy Spirit? Hmm...

 

It isn't so much the little bit of expected toddler noise, it is that once she bores of being there, she will cry and protest loudly. *sigh*

Some people say that working with their children at home to sit quietly is better than trying to teach them to sit quietly during an actual church service. I wonder if that would help you? You know, several times a day have your dc (including the toddler) sit quietly--no crayons or anything--for a few minutes at a time, increasing the time a little more as they can handle it.

 

Catholics take their large families into Mass all the time. The priest keeps doing his thing, the people in the pews keep doing their thing, God keeps doing His thing. :)

[2squared]

:grouphug: My youngest is 15mo, and mass is very difficult at this age. BTDT, and it's not fun. We sit up front as a family, and we don't take toys or snacks. By 2.5yo - 3yo, the kids do really well at mass. They also do well from birth - 1yo. It's the walking/toddling stage that is nearly impossible. Knowing it is a season, we just deal. I nurse whenever ds lets me, and after that, one of us usually takes the toddler out of the service so he can toddle around somewhere else. Dh & I and my older two dc take turns toddler sitting.

 

You are close to the period where your youngest will calm down. I would just wait out this stage.

 

Catholics take their large families into Mass all the time. The priest keeps doing his thing, the people in the pews keep doing their thing, God keeps doing His thing. :)

 

:iagree: It's probably easier for us knowing that the congregation expects my toddlers and babies to make noise and be distracting. When mass is over, other parishioners make a point of thanking us for coming and chuckling at the kids' antics.

 

I would hope that the people attending church with you are glad to see young kids at the service. A church can't grow and be vibrant without little, noisy people.

 

BTW, I once had a priest praise me for nursing at mass. He was glad to see a nursing mother in church, and he pointed out that Jesus would have been nursed as well. He thought that if it was good enough for Jesus, it should be good enough for us. :001_smile: I just loved his perspective.

[Daisy]

We went to a FIC yesterday. The very young and antsy toddler (who was adorable) sat on a blanket at her mother's feet and babbled to her baby dolls and toys through the entire service. It was fine. She had freedom to move around a bit and had toys to occupy her. I think she may have had a snack also. No one was distracted (well, other than by her utter cuteness). ;)

 

It wasn't a problem at all that she was making noise. No one expected her to be completely silent. I know if I had tried to keep my children on my lap, it would have been WWIII. My kids had to be able to move around a bit or they'd lose it and start making noise.

[Maus]

:grouphug: It is hard but this too shall pass.

 

We have sacrament meeting with our kiddos everyweek. We bring book (religious themed), crayons, I have made quiet file folder games, I have some felt activities. Snacks are nice sometimes as well.

 

At that age though I spend a lot of time either with them in a carrier and me standing (they often fall asleep) or I walk the halls, thankfully there is usually a speaker so I don't miss much. Sometimes they also walk the chapel. Not the most reverent idea but sometimes they find a person to sit with who doesn't have any kids and has new things to look at. I remember when my oldest had just figured out commando crawling and went to explore he was fine for the longest time and then he realized he wasn't with me and screamed.

Yes, we LDS bring our children to church, always. We tend to have large families (I only have three), and be crafty. (Except me! :tongue_smilie: )

 

Our usual solution is to bring an activity bag with quiet activities. A very popular one right now is an Ispy bag.

 

Google "sacrament meeting activities for toddlers" for some ideas. Some will be very LDS, like "temple matching cards," but many could be used as is or with very little adaptation. My SIL, who has seven kids, gave our little one a whole bag of homemade quiet activities for Christmas.

[Susan in TN]

Maybe try practice runs at home when the pressure's not on. Have times when she has to sit still quietly for 5 minutes while you do something else nearby. Just have this be something you do regularly and then start increasing it little by little. Let her look at books (if that's something you'd let her do at church).

 

We keep our kids with us at Divine Liturgy, and I have found that it's also effective to be whispering in their ear what's going on. "Look, the priest is carrying out the Gospel book and we're all standing because we want to show reverence for it," or "Can you hear the words? We're saying the Nicene Creed which tells us what we believe as a church. Listen, we're going to say 'light of light'. Tell me when you hear it."

 

Hope that helps.

 

These suggestions have helped us, as well.

 

We've also found that silly putty and a little yarn work well for quiet activities. For my kids, it was important to not have too many activities available - for some reason it just made them more squirmy. We have just one or two small things available. Once in a while they might get a lollypop if they are really struggling. When they do get squirmy, I remind them to sit quietly and listen to Pastor (or whatever else is going on) since that is what the real goal is.

[HiddenJewel]

:iagree:To me the idea that children are not welcome in church during services is foreign. But I won't bring dd where she isn't wanted. There are other ways to show support.

 

I didn't get that children are not welcome. But children that are loud enough to be disruptive need to be taken out. It really makes it hard for everyone else to concentrate on the service. Taking a noisy child out is actually a selfless act. A pain as a parent, but necessary. Sitting on the back row for years because of little ones can be a drudgery for some too. But it is a respectful thing to do. Little noises are no issue if you are near the back. Loud noises don't work no matter where you are sitting.

[Dustybug]

I didn't get that children are not welcome. But children that are loud enough to be disruptive need to be taken out. It really makes it hard for everyone else to concentrate on the service. Taking a noisy child out is actually a selfless act. A pain as a parent, but necessary. Sitting on the back row for years because of little ones can be a drudgery for some too. But it is a respectful thing to do. Little noises are no issue if you are near the back. Loud noises don't work no matter where you are sitting.

 

Yes, this is it. Children are welcomed, but loud distractions are not. :) General babbling, cooing, the odd quiet sound here and there is not even noticed. It's the loud crying, yelling, etc. that he does not like.

[mom2samlibby]

I would probably sit in the back row and nurse her. That would keep her quiet during church and in the back no one would know that you are nursing.

 

I personally think that children can be more of a distraction in the front on the church where everyone can see/hear them. We always sat in the back with ours, so if needed, we could step out quickly and quietly.

[simka2]

Yes, this is it. Children are welcomed, but loud distractions are not. :) General babbling, cooing, the odd quiet sound here and there is not even noticed. It's the loud crying, yelling, etc. that he does not like.

 

Can you walk with her around the back or out in the hallway. This is what I did for many years.

 

I have soft approach to children in church. Especially children with STRONG personalities. Let them feel loved and valued IN church, just as they are....not based on how they behave. Especially in one so little!

 

 

 

....this sunday we had 10 under 1yr olds and about 20+ 1-10yr olds in the service (smaller church under 200). It was LOUD! Sometimes the moms will take them outside for bit, but mostly there is just a lot of baby walking going on. :D

 

The big picture for your child is what is paramount!

[NotAVampireLvr]

I would train your kids in your church, not the church you are visiting. Kids thrive on consistency. My oldest wouldn't sit for anything until we started attending the same church every week. It took him about a year to be fully behaved in church and even now at 7 he still wiggles. The other two are easy-peasy in comparison. Some kids just CAN'T sit still. I would stay home or attend my own church on days that your husband visits his dad's church. Sitting in the car is ridiculous IMO and not fair to you or the child.

 

In our church the nursery is available when needed, but the kids are all encouraged to stay in the service with mom & dad. A lot of the kids old enough to sit away from mom & dad do sit up in the front row. I think it does help.

[HiddenJewel]

I have soft approach to children in church. Especially children with STRONG personalities. Let them feel loved and valued IN church, just as they are....not based on how they behave. Especially in one so little!

 

 

Having been raised in a church where exterior behavior was glorified over a proper heart attitude, I TOTALLY agree with this!

[LMD]

At the age of your little one, I would end up standing at the back. (And we are pretty strict about our dc sitting quietly in church.)

 

yep, this exactly. My 18 month old still usually has a nap right around church time, so with some luck we can get him to sleep through most of the service in his pram. Recently though my little darling has been turning on the tantrums at church so either DH or I are having to take him out/home. He is a powerball of energy though and I suspect it's going to take a while of teaching to get this one sitting still.

 

ETA: he is still much loved and welcomed at church and in the service - we have a lot of small children/toddlers in our services every week and our minister often emphasises that children are part of the church family and are welcome in the service. Most other attendees have either btdt or are dealing with the same thing atm, so although we are teaching him to behave, he is understood, loved and welcomed.

Edited February 20, 2012 by LMD

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

We bring all of our children to mass with us every week and have since they were born. Other than for babies and young toddlers, we don't bring toys, and we also don't bring food or coloring books, etc. The only thing we bring is books. The younger kids seem to look up to the bigger kids, so when the big kids are acting appropriately and participating in the mass, the little kids do better, too. My 2yo is held by either dh or I for most of the mass. Sometimes he looks at books or walks a little bit between us in the pew. DS is no longer nursing, but I always nurse my kids when they ask during mass.

 

I noticed that the service is during your toddler's nap time. We choose to attend an 8:30 mass because it is a better time for all of the kids. In fact, when we attend daily mass at 7:30am the kids behave even better. I'm not sure what you can do about that, as you probably only have one service.

[Dustybug]

We bring all of our children to mass with us every week and have since they were born. Other than for babies and young toddlers, we don't bring toys, and we also don't bring food or coloring books, etc. The only thing we bring is books. The younger kids seem to look up to the bigger kids, so when the big kids are acting appropriately and participating in the mass, the little kids do better, too. My 2yo is held by either dh or I for most of the mass. Sometimes he looks at books or walks a little bit between us in the pew. DS is no longer nursing, but I always nurse my kids when they ask during mass.

 

I noticed that the service is during your toddler's nap time. We choose to attend an 8:30 mass because it is a better time for all of the kids. In fact, when we attend daily mass at 7:30am the kids behave even better. I'm not sure what you can do about that, as you probably only have one service.

 

Yes only one service.

 

My DH is highly uncomfortable with me nursing during the church service, so that isn't something that I will do. Our home church has a mother's room with comfy chairs and a speaker system so that you can still hear the service while nursing, but FIL's church does not.

 

I really appreciate all of the suggestions from all of you! I am taking them all in and trying to come up with a plan of action that suits our family. Thanks everyone for your input!