DH gets yelled because overweight kid can't play on team

[AuntPol]

Sigh.

 

My DH is VOLUNTEERING to coach football for 10-11 year olds through the city league. The kids have to weigh between 75-120 to play. The very first practice is a weigh-in. If you are within 5 pounds, you get two weeks to lose the weight. DH had to cut one kid for being overweight (156# -under 5 foot) and one for being underweight (60#). The weight limit is on the sign up. It was explained to the parent that child can't play, why they can't play, and that they could get a refund.

 

Parent brought child in to play today. They were told he couldn't play and thus, child started crying. THe mom has a fit and says that it's my husband's fault, he has to let her son practice until she gets a refund, etc. He kept trying to explain that he doesn't make the rules.

 

Honestly, we're not talking about a few pounds. He's more than 30 pounds over the limit

 

Really, I can't believe people!

Edited August 24, 2011 by AuntPol

[Impish]

The rules are what they are. Not a secret.

 

If she doesn't like them then she needs to contact the powers that be and see what can be done, not take it out on the coach.

 

How would practicing until she gets her refund be of any help to anyone? :confused:

[Mrs Mungo]

That is crazy. How big of a weight difference does she think they can allow before a kid gets seriously hurt? A kid who weighs 150 lbs is twice the weight of a kid who weighs 75 lbs. It is a safety issue, not a judgment.

[Grover]

That is crazy. How big of a weight difference does she think they can allow before a kid gets seriously hurt? A kid who weighs 150 lbs is twice the weight of a kid who weighs 75 lbs. It is a safety issue, not a judgment.

 

exactly. It's not like it's a secret.

[Bang!Zoom!]

Is she out of her cotton picking mind?

 

my husband's fault, he has to let her son practice until she gets a refund:blink:

[Jen in PA]

That is crazy. How big of a weight difference does she think they can allow before a kid gets seriously hurt? A kid who weighs 150 lbs is twice the weight of a kid who weighs 75 lbs. It is a safety issue, not a judgment.

 

:iagree:

[lmrich]

I hate this kind of thing. She doesn't get it. She honestly thinks that it is her right (or son's) to do anything regardless of other people's. It is sick. Your poor dh. Maybe he can sign up to play with kids twice his size and see how it feels to be at the bottom of that tackle.

[Amy1k]

Is there a team in your area that does not have weight restrictions? I know there are both types in my area. Maybe he could refer the parents to them. Here they will also offer to move a kid to an older team (obviously not always ideal for the "big" kid, though). :(

[Mrs Mungo]

My son is on the underweight part of that rule. He would be way too small, and he is 10. We have transitioned him to playing individual sports versus team sports. So, I do understand, but it is what it is.

[West Coast Mom]

I totally understand the point of the rule. Safety is important. We are talking about young kids and you have to protect them. There is no point in fussing at the volunteer coach for upholding league rules. He is doing a good thing for the community.

 

I do find it a little ironic that sports leagues are turning down the chunky kids. I mean, all we hear these days is how fat American kids are and that they NEVER play outside. Here is a kid that wants to play ball and he isn't allowed due to his size. Maybe the city needs to form a plus sized team. Besides, aren't many pro football players pretty hefty?

[Shellydon]

I totally understand the point of the rule. Safety is important. We are talking about young kids and you have to protect them. There is no point in fussing at the volunteer coach for upholding league rules. He is doing a good thing for the community.

 

I do find it a little ironic that sports leagues are turning down the chunky kids. I mean, all we hear these days is how fat American kids are and that they NEVER play outside. Here is a kid that wants to play ball and he isn't allowed due to his size. Maybe the city needs to form a plus sized team. Besides, aren't many pro football players pretty hefty?

 

 

It isn't fair for a 160 pound child to be pitted against an 85 pound child. That is why there are rules on weight ranges.

[Amy1k]

Assuming there are sports in schools where this kid is, he'll get plenty of chances to play. His size will give him a great advantage.

[EthiopianFood]

Wow, I had no idea this sort of thing was typical. :001_huh: I guess it makes sense, from a safety standpoint, but if a chubby kid actually WANTS to be more active, it is just so difficult that he has to be turned away. I can't imagine having to tell my child that they can't play because they're too big. :( The mom is just a jerk if the requirement was on the sign up, and she is making her child go through this anyway as though she didn't know. Ugh.

[Amy1k]

In my area, there are also leagues that limit the size of a player in a "skilled position." But bigger kids can still play on the teams.

[ktgrok]

My son can't play because of his weight. He's underweight. It is really disapointing. There are leagues without weight restrictions though that she could look into. Basically, the allow kids of all sizes to play, but have restrictions on what positions they can play. So you don't have really big kids tackling running backs for instance.

[West Coast Mom]

It isn't fair for a 160 pound child to be pitted against an 85 pound child. That is why there are rules on weight ranges.

 

I get it. My 10 year old weighs in at 61 pounds and he would not be eligible to play. It would be dangerous for him to be tackled by a kid weighing 100 pounds more. I wouldn't fuss over the rule.

 

I still find it contradictory to all the rhetoric I constantly hear regarding childhood obesity. I would think a city league would create teams for the bigger kids since we are told there is such an abundance of them.

[fhjmom]

Our local FB leagues have weight limits but they still let the bigger kids play, they just "red stripe" them. Any kid over the weight limit had a red stripe put on their helmet and they are only allowed to play on the line; that way you don't have a big kid putting a huge hit on a little running back or a receiver.

 

I don't blame your hubby at all, it's not his fault that the league rules are what they are - the mom should have known going in what the requirements were. She was out of line taking it our on your DH. However, I do disagree with the league and think they ought to offer alternatives for kids who don't meet weight limits rather than just telling me they cannot play (and I do agree with weight limits being a safety issue). Smaller kids should be allowed to play down and bigger kids either limited by position or playing up.

[Dina in Oklahoma]

Perhaps the frustration the boy's Mom is taking out on your husband is really the guilt she feels for letting her son be so unhealthy. I tend to think she would also be the first one to complain if something happened to her son.

[Hen]

I like the red-stripe idea. My bonus student signed up for football this season, and he was a bit chunky- he had to lose weight before he could be on the team. I understood the safety point, but I also wondered why they couldn't let him at least practice with them, even if off to the sidelines- being dressed up in all that gear and being physical would have helped him lose the weight very quickly. He couldn't even practice till he lost the weight.

 

He did lose it in time, and he is starting to look very trim now.

 

I am sad for you Dh, the mom was way out of line!

[LidiyaDawn]

This is the first time that I've ever heard of a kids sports team having weight restrictions. :001_huh:

[Guest submarines]

This is the first time that I've ever heard of a kids sports team having weight restrictions. :001_huh:

 

That was my first thought, but then I realised it was the nature of this particular sport.

[WishboneDawn]

That is crazy. How big of a weight difference does she think they can allow before a kid gets seriously hurt? A kid who weighs 150 lbs is twice the weight of a kid who weighs 75 lbs. It is a safety issue, not a judgment.

 

Ah! It's all about hockey or soccer here so I didn't get why there was a weight restriction. That makes sense.

[LidiyaDawn]

So what IS the option for the 10/11 kids who are "too small" or "too big" [and gah, I REALLY dislike the whole 'make weight in two weeks' thing for these little kids! they're too young for that…this isn't college wrestling..] ? Could the smaller child play on a younger team? The larger child play with some slightly older kids?

 

Something about being rejected for your weight/size at such a young age just seems yucky.

[mom2scouts]

Could your dh direct her to a local flag football program so the boy could still play? Can he play "up" with older kids? Is he just large or overweight? We have a neighbor who was always MUCH bigger than the other kids and he had to sit out a year or two of tackle football because he was so huge and a danger to the smaller boys. In his case, he got to high school and started varsity as a freshman and had major college football programs interested by the time he was a sophomore. Unfortunately, this would be his senior year and he's fighting cancer.:sad:

[Joyofsixreboot]

I think it's just another example of adults acting like spoiled children who want what they want when they want it and have a tantrum if they don't get it. For the record my kids play soccer and run because they are skinny.

[AuntPol]

Could your dh direct her to a local flag football program so the boy could still play? Can he play "up" with older kids? Is he just large or overweight? We have a neighbor who was always MUCH bigger than the other kids and he had to sit out a year or two of tackle football because he was so huge and a danger to the smaller boys. In his case, he got to high school and started varsity as a freshman and had major college football programs interested by the time he was a sophomore. Unfortunately, this would be his senior year and he's fighting cancer.:sad:

 

 

THe #60 pound kid was able to go down a level to the 8-9 yo because he was 10. My husband asked if the bigger kid could go up to the next level (12-13) and was told, he could go up if he were 11. This kid is 10. We don't necessarily agree w/ the rules but to be a coach, he has to play by the rules. As it is, the 3 kids that are overweight are not be given pads until the next weigh in and not allowed to tackle in practice. They can do the conditioning workouts, etc. No kid will be given equipment until they come to at least 3 practices and gone through conditioning anyway. All kids are supposed to be weigh-in before every game.

 

If it were flag, it wouldn't matter. However, it's tackle and it is unsafe to have a kid who is 4"10 and 156 pounds pitted against a kid who is barely 75. I'm already worried about the 125 kids against my 75 pound kid. Furthermore, when someone is this heavy, you have to worry about other health issues. I'm overweight and this kid weighs more than I do and I am 8 inches taller. He is more than twice my sons weight at the same height!

 

 

My son barely made the weigh-in. We knew it was coming and we knew he was under the minimum, so we worked on his weight all summer. The weight is listed in the brochure that came out in May. Registration was in late July and it was made clear that there would be a weigh-in. The weigh-in was a week ago and there were 2 practices since. He also has to deal with weigh-ins for BJJ and for Scouts (too small for some Scout trips).

 

I don't know of any flag football other than the homeschool league and I wouldn't recommend anyone to that league. I'm sureif she asked the parks and recs, they could point her in a good direction.

 

I just don't get why yell at the coach. He doesn't make the rules. He doesn't even do the weigh-ins. The parks and rec center does the weigh-ins. They told her the deal last week and offered a refund. Perhaps, she thought she could just ignore that and bring him and the coach wouldn't say anything.

 

On the bright side, the parents love him. This is his first year coaching contact football and he was nervous about it. Most of the team has been together for years but the old coach didn't come back. They have been telling him that he's the first coach to actually explain how to play football to the kids! He also does all the sprints, flutter kicks, etc twice -once before they show up (and the early birds see this) and again with the team. Apparantly, that is unusual.

[Soror]

I feel sorry for your dh, I'm sure with coaching there are always whack job parents, it is obvious that this is a safety issue. In life you cannot always do what you want. Dh wanted to join the army, he couldn't because of congenital health issues, entirely not his fault.

 

It is not as if this is only thing to do and now the kid is going to be overweight forever because he is not allowed to play tackle fb. It is not his responsibility to find this out, the mom should have started looking in May when she seen how far off from the weight he was, as the chance of losing that amount of weight for a kid that age is slim. It sounds as if she was just trying to skirt him around the rules regardless of the danger to the other kids.

[Carrie12345]

It sounds as if she was just trying to skirt him around the rules regardless of the danger to the other kids.

 

Exactly.

 

As far as playing up/down goes, there are other issues with that. I've gotten plenty of raised eyebrows for ds playing down in Little League, but he was playing at his appropriate skill/experience level. Still, parents get all in a competitive tizzy. :glare: (Of course, he happened to tower over the majority of the other boys!)

[unsinkable]

kid who is 4"10 and 156 pounds pitted against a kid who is barely 75. I'm already worried about the 125 kids against my 75 pound kid. Furthermore, when someone is this heavy, you have to worry about other health issues. I'm overweight and this kid weighs more than I do and I am 8 inches taller. He is more than twice my sons weight at the same height!

 

.

 

So you are 5'6" and weigh less than 156 and consider yourself overweight?

[Wabi Sabi]

This is the first time that I've ever heard of a kids sports team having weight restrictions. :001_huh:

 

That was my first thought, but then I realised it was the nature of this particular sport.

 

Same here, then I realized it means that my ds will most likely never be allowed to play football. Good thing he's not interested in team sports for the most part.

[unsinkable]

She didn't look overweight to me. :001_huh:

 

She wrote that she was overweight, not me.

 

I wouldn't consider that overweigth either.

 

I am not accusing anyone of being overweight.

[AuntPol]

She didn't look overweight to me. :001_huh:

 

You're too kind.

 

I grew up being very, very skinny. At age 27, I was struggling to keep the 104 minumum for the Marines. I still have skinny (but flabby) arms and legs. I'm not overly hippy. I am an Apple.

 

At the conference, I was 154 pounds. I had a 39" belly!!!! Today, I'm still 154 pounds but have a 34" belly. (You see my pics of before and after 6 weeks of Cross Fit!!!!). However, I'm still overweight by BMI and by body weight standards. Plus I can't go without my Spanx! Clothing can really make a huge difference. I can look "fat" or "average" depending on what I am wearing. Of course, "average" in the South is still overweight LOL.

[LauraGB]

So what IS the option for the 10/11 kids who are "too small" or "too big" [and gah, I REALLY dislike the whole 'make weight in two weeks' thing for these little kids! they're too young for that…this isn't college wrestling..] ? Could the smaller child play on a younger team? The larger child play with some slightly older kids?

 

Something about being rejected for your weight/size at such a young age just seems yucky.

 

Assuming this is a tackle team, the other options would include flag football, some other sport where body contact isn't the norm, or just waiting it out until the small child grows into his body (or the large child grows into his body) - she's talking about pre-adolescent boys.

 

Ds is on a tackle team this year. He's 120. If he tackled a 60 lb kid, he'd seriously injure him, regardless of padding. The weight restrictions are there for a reason - so no one ends up eating through a straw for the rest of their lives. The mom the OP is talking about is dangerous.

[AuntPol]

She wrote that she was overweight, not me.

 

I wouldn't consider that overweigth either.

 

I am not accusing anyone of being overweight.

 

I didn't read it that way and I don't think Wendy did either. LOL

 

By Marine Corps Standards-I am ONE pound under regs for weight but over for body fat.

 

BY Medical Standards/BMI-I am ONE Pound under by weight

 

By Met Life, I'm okay for a large frame, 7 pounds overweight for medium frame, and 18 pounds overweight for a small frame (**NOTE-I'm a small frame)

 

BY the Devine and Miller formulas, I'm 23 pounds overweight!

 

By the Miller formula, I'm 19 pounds overweight (This is my target: 135 -where I think I look best).

 

By the Hamwi formula, I'm 25 pounds overweight.

[unsinkable]

I didn't read it that way and I don't think Wendy did either. LOL

 

By Marine Corps Standards-I am ONE pound under regs for weight but over for body fat.

 

BY Medical Standards/BMI-I am ONE Pound under by weight

 

By Met Life, I'm okay for a large frame, 7 pounds overweight for medium frame, and 18 pounds overweight for a small frame (**NOTE-I'm a small frame)

 

BY the Devine and Miller formulas, I'm 23 pounds overweight!

 

By the Miller formula, I'm 19 pounds overweight (This is my target: 135 -where I think I look best).

 

By the Hamwi formula, I'm 25 pounds overweight.

 

Thank you for understanding!

 

I just worry about women being unrealistic when it comes to a healthy weight.

 

I understand what you mean about being an apple, though. If you (general you) have thin arms and legs but carry all your excess weight in your chest/tummy, the numbers aren't going to work for your body.

 

I wish you all the best to get where you need to be!

[Renthead Mommy]

It's not the volunteer coach's responsiblity to find other alternatives for this kid. It's his mother's. I would have felt bad for the kid, but I would have had to tell him "I'm sorry, but your mother knew the regulations when she signed up."

 

As to other teams, would there even be enough overweight kids in that age group actually wanting to go outside and run around to create another team? Much less teams for them to play against? Part of the problem is these kids DON'T WANT to run around. They want to sit and play video games.

 

While it would be nice if these rec and school sports programs could be all things for all kids, it's just not something that can be done.

[AuntPol]

If you are 5 ft 6 and were 154 that doesn't make you overweight per the BMI chart I just looked at. It might be more than you want to weigh, but seriously you didn't look overweight to me.

 

It's 24.9 which is "normal" but if I gain a pound (which i can do easily during PMS), then I am 25 BMI which is overweight!

 

For women, a waist measurement of 35 inches (89 centimeters) or more indicates an unhealthy concentration of belly fat and a greater risk of problems such as heart disease, high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes. This is even with a healthy BMI. I just got below this last week!!!

 

I wish I knew how to upload my pics of the changes I've made since the conference!

Edited August 24, 2011 by AuntPol

[AuntPol]

Assuming this is a tackle team, the other options would include flag football, some other sport where body contact isn't the norm, or just waiting it out until the small child grows into his body (or the large child grows into his body) - she's talking about pre-adolescent boys.

 

Ds is on a tackle team this year. He's 120. If he tackled a 60 lb kid, he'd seriously injure him, regardless of padding. The weight restrictions are there for a reason - so no one ends up eating through a straw for the rest of their lives. The mom the OP is talking about is dangerous.

 

Exactly! Tackle football is already dangerous without adding in a kid more than twice the size of the smallest and 30% larger than the largest kid! This kid's BMI is in the obesity category and believe me, it's not "muscle."

 

He can play flag football somewhere. He can play baseball, basketball, or most other sports that don't involve player to player contact.

 

My son competes in BJJ, and has to weigh in for every meet. This is to make sure he competes with someone in his own weight class. Occasionally, they will let one fight up a class Even then the weight range is 10 pounds. A kid on the high end will beat a kid on the low end a majority of the time. The only other factors that can make a difference is skill (if one kid just got belt and other is close to being the next belt) and sometimes age.

 

**Note this is DS's first year playing contact football because he was under the weight standards until now. We spent the whole summer working on helping him gain weight (and gain safely-not just eat a bunch of junk lol).

Edited August 24, 2011 by AuntPol

[LauraGB]

And what if they did bend the rules and he tackled a kid half his size and broke his back? That boy would have to live with the fact that he destroyed another person's life for the rest of his life. That mother needs her head examined.

[Lady Florida.]

It's not the volunteer coach's responsiblity to find other alternatives for this kid. It's his mother's. I would have felt bad for the kid, but I would have had to tell him "I'm sorry, but your mother knew the regulations when she signed up."

 

 

 

:iagree:And just because he can't play football, doesn't mean he can't be active.

[Whereneverever]

:iagree:And just because he can't play football, doesn't mean he can't be active.

:iagree: No one is telling the kid he can't be active- just that this isn't the right place.

[Renee in NC]

So what IS the option for the 10/11 kids who are "too small" or "too big" [and gah, I REALLY dislike the whole 'make weight in two weeks' thing for these little kids! they're too young for that…this isn't college wrestling..] ? Could the smaller child play on a younger team? The larger child play with some slightly older kids?

 

Something about being rejected for your weight/size at such a young age just seems yucky.

 

We have this problem with an 8yo who is too big for the 7-8-9 bracket (WAY too big.) He is almost too big for the 8-9-10 bracket as well. He could still play in the upper age range, but mentally he isn't ready to play with 8-9-10 year old boys (he has a lot of language LDs and working memory problems that would make it very diffcult for him to be on the higher aged team.)

 

He really wanted to play football, but we couldn't make that happen for him. He's decided he may play baseball next spring.;)

[Shellydon]

I didn't read it that way and I don't think Wendy did either. LOL

 

By Marine Corps Standards-I am ONE pound under regs for weight but over for body fat.

 

BY Medical Standards/BMI-I am ONE Pound under by weight

 

By Met Life, I'm okay for a large frame, 7 pounds overweight for medium frame, and 18 pounds overweight for a small frame (**NOTE-I'm a small frame)

 

BY the Devine and Miller formulas, I'm 23 pounds overweight!

 

By the Miller formula, I'm 19 pounds overweight (This is my target: 135 -where I think I look best).

 

By the Hamwi formula, I'm 25 pounds overweight.

 

I get where you are coming from! I gained 20 pounds after my last child weaned a year ago and I am now overweight - 5'9" and 162 lbs. I need to be 140ish, however I am often told that 160 isn't overweight when really it is. I think we are so accustomed to seeing obese people that are eyes are not accustomed to healthy weight on people.

 

 

ETA - here is a link that calculates your ideal weight by each scale. http://www.cordianet.com/calculator.htm

Edited August 24, 2011 by Sheldon

[Audrey]

Size and weight are serious issues in a sport like football. It's a good thing they have size limits along with the age limits. Is it at all possible for the larger child to play up an age group? I have seen occasions where parents have petitioned for such a thing and been granted permission to do that. Sometimes, it is not an issue of being overweight, but of being larger (height, build) than the average in their age group. The same holds true for smaller children. They might be able to petition to play down an age group.

 

Just my 2-cents...

[twoforjoy]

Personally, I think the rules are nonsense--if it's about safety, make sure the kid is healthy and is put in a position where they won't be tackling really small kids (and put smaller kids in a position where they won't be tackled by larger kids), rather than using weight as a determiner of health or just not letting kids who are seen as too much larger or smaller than average play at all--but if those are the rules, then that's that.

[Love_to_Read]

 

They told her the deal last week and offered a refund. Perhaps, she thought she could just ignore that and bring him and the coach wouldn't say anything.

This. I grew up with that mom...as a teen/adult, we had conversations like, "Well can't you just show up..." "NO." "Can't they make an exception." "NO." "Who's going to enforce that anyway?" "They are. / I am." Now I just avoid telling her anything that might lead to those discussions, but back when I was kid subject to having my mom always looking to bend the rules that couldn't possibly apply to her...it was humiliating. Sure, there's value in trying to politely ask for a compromise if you can think of one that satisfies the spirit of the rule, but you have to be willing to hear no. That poor boy should have been given a chance to get over it in private at home, not paraded in front of the team by his mother under the impression that he was going to play. She should have weighed him, and called your dh privately if she wanted to ask whether therer were any further loopholes to try legitimately. Edited August 24, 2011 by Love_to_Read

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Personally, I think the rules are nonsense--if it's about safety, make sure the kid is healthy and is put in a position where they won't be tackling really small kids (and put smaller kids in a position where they won't be tackled by larger kids), rather than using weight as a determiner of health or just not letting kids who are seen as too much larger or smaller than average play at all--but if those are the rules, then that's that.

 

In football, you cannot completely control which players will be tackling each other. Even on the offensive line, a much larger child will often be in position to lay a significant hit on a smaller player.

Weight is not being used to determine health - it is being used as a safety factor for all players. This is also why players below a certain weight cannot play either.

[Mrs Mungo]

Personally, I think the rules are nonsense--if it's about safety, make sure the kid is healthy and is put in a position where they won't be tackling really small kids (and put smaller kids in a position where they won't be tackled by larger kids), rather than using weight as a determiner of health or just not letting kids who are seen as too much larger or smaller than average play at all--but if those are the rules, then that's that.

 

Are you a football fan? Quarterbacks look small out on the field, but OU's starter this year is 6'4" and 225 lbs. I just don't see how anyone could orchestrate what you propose.

[LG Gone Wild]

Football is a contact sport. Weight matters, possibly more than skill. Besides, if the child is 30lbs overweight and it isn't muscle, the mom is running the risk of injuring her son for competing at a level of fitness he isn't ready for.

 

Many unkind words brewing in my mind regarding that mother. :glare:

[Cinder]

These weight rules have been around for decades. I only remember because when my brother was playing Pop Warner over 30 years ago he was allowed to "play down." Being only a year older and well within the weight range of the younger group, it was recommended he stay in that group and not advance to the older and bigger group.