If your adult child lives at home (or spends summer at home)...

[Colleen in SEVA]

do you expect them to contribute to the family while they are living at home?

 

I was talking to a friend last night who said her 20 year old DD is home from college for the summer (living at home for free, though she is working part time to save up money so she doesn't have to work during the school year), and that her DD has informed her that she will not be doing any chores around the house while she is at home because she is on vacation, and that none of her friends have to either. The mom then listed all the things SHE had to do while home for the summer, and her dd replied that "kids don't do that kind of stuff anymore."

 

Mine are younger, but in my mind an adult child living at home should do MORE to help than they did as kids. Do you agree?

 

I am adding a poll...

[Renee in NC]

Well, considering I just had my adult child who DOESN'T live here folding laundry and vacuuming...I'm not buying it!:lol:

 

I don't care WHAT others do or don't do in their homes. Mine are going to pitch in to help whenever and wherever they can - my house, grandma's, a friends, etc.

 

If the "adult" in the OP wants to do nothing around the house all summer, then she can be a boarder and pay me rent at the going rate as well as a "maid fee."

[NanceXToo]

At first I thought you meant contribute financially and I was going to say no.

Then I saw you meant chores and as such- yes!

 

ETA I checked everything except family laundry and the last three boxes. But in the case of cleaning other rooms, I meant help out some and clean up after themselves, and in the case of watching younger siblings unpaid, that would be an occasional, not a regular, thing.

Edited July 21, 2011 by NanceXToo

[Mrs Mungo]

do you expect them to contribute to the family while they are living at home?

 

I was talking to a friend last night who said her 20 year old DD is home from college for the summer (living at home for free, though she is working part time to save up money so she doesn't have to work during the school year), and that her DD has informed her that she will not be doing any chores around the house while she is at home because she is on vacation, and that none of her friends have to either. The mom then listed all the things SHE had to do while home for the summer, and her dd replied that "kids don't do that kind of stuff anymore."

 

Mine are younger, but in my mind an adult child living at home should do MORE to help than they did as kids. Do you agree?

 

I am adding a poll...

 

Informed her? I think informing the person who is supporting you that you owe them nothing is pretty crappy. If I could not show them the error of their ways, then I would probably show them the door.

[Orthodox6]

Getting a job would be answer to his, ours, and everybody's prayers. Our college son knocked himself out silly both last summer and this summer with determined effort to find work. We cannot fault his serious attempts. If the Texas economy is robust, somebody is hiding the jobs.

[Mrs Mungo]

I voted for both the chores and for get a job & contribute. But, it would probably be one or the other, not both.

[Murphy101]

Wow.

 

That's some kind of rude nerve she has going there.:glare:

 

I'd only half jokingly say that she isn't a kid any more and as of that moment I'm on vacation too, so she needs to find some other place to stay for free that also offers free full catering and maid service.

[Danestress]

What I told my son is that no real adult would expect to live in our house for any length of time without contributing. Even dinner guests generally offer to help with dishes, though their help is politely declined. If they spent two nights, their help would be graciously accepted after about 24 hours. Further, no well bred adults would expect to keep whatever hours they pleased as guests. They would come in at a normal time of night so as not to disturb the hosts. They would certainly do their own laundry if necessary, would want to help with meals, and would keep their rooms impeccably clean. They would offer to contribute for expenses.

 

Obviously a kid home from college is not strictly speak a "guest," and I did want my son to enjoy coming home. However, they ARE only home if that is agreeable to both the parent and the child. If the adult child felt there was a better situation in terms of being treated like royalty, they would be free to pursue that option, being an adult and all. So in figuring out where they fall between "guest" and "family member" there would not really be anywhere on that line that would include being a free agent, free of chores and rules, but indulged with room, board, and access to "stuff." A pregnant daughter or DIL living with me and on bed rest would get the royal treatment. Everyone else just rises up and does what needs doing like any normal person living in a normal home.

 

So my son, while he did keep his room sort of messy, also did his own laundry, emptied the dishwasher, did dishes, mowed the lawn, washed cars. He took his turn at these jobs - he wasn't the only one doing them. He also drove a lot of carpools for me, which was amazingly awesome and absolved him from houseworky chores when I could strike that bargain!

[Pamela H in Texas]

My adult daughter, a college junior, lives at home full time. She does EVERYTHING and then some.

It never crossed my mind to require it of her nor her mind not to contribute though.

 

The only "rule" which has been in place since before my kids were born is that an adult child must either be in school, volunteering, or working full time - or some combination thereof. If working is the choice, it requires room and board payment (which, though not discussed, will be kept in a separate account to be given to the person when they are ready to move on).

[Mrs Mungo]

You know, just thinking about this sort of ticks me off. We live far away from our parents and have for our entire marriage. But, even when we go "home" to visit, we still help out. DH does handyman work for his mom. I cook meals at both my MIL's house and my parents' house. I help clean up. We help them with neglected chores that they haven't had time for. We do our own laundry, we make our beds, we keep our stuff picked up and our kids' stuff picked up. I plan outings and get togethers for the family. I often pick up the tab for those things. I buy groceries. I order and pay for take out once or twice. I wouldn't expect *all* of that from a college kid, but I would expect at least *some* of it.

[cindergretta]

Wow. Just wow.

 

In our house, if you are living here (permanently or for the summer) you will help out with meals, chores, cleaning, etc. If you are working, you will be expected to handle your own expenses and if able, contribute a little toward food and utilities. If you aren't working through no fault of your own (can't find a job, for example) you will be expected to pitch in a bit more.

 

I am not running a free hotel or flop house. Everyone here contributes. If you don't want to contribute, you need to find other living quarters.

[Mama Geek]

I don't have a child anywhere near that age, but from the adult child's perspective I voted for all but the working in a family business unpaid and contributing money to the household and of course do nothing.

 

If the adult child is saving money to go to school, I wouldn't expect money from them. Also if they are already working 1 job or more I wouldn't expect them to work unpaid in a family business.

 

They should help out a lot around the house. It is not a vacation it is life. If they aren't going to help with extras they should clean up after themselves and pay rent.

[Colleen in SEVA]

You will love her response... :lol: She told her parents that if they were going to expect her to do chores around the house she would just get an apartment with a friend instead. I love the irony of that! I wonder how long it will be until she is BEGGING to move back home where she ONLY has a couple of chores to do! :lol:

 

On a side note -- she also pointed out that she is the only one of her friends who has to pay for their own college (through working in the summer and student loans). I know when she is older she will realize what valuable lessons she has been able to learn because of this (lessons I learned myself while working to pay for college), but at this point in her life she is not seeing it that way. She is the youngest sibling, her parents were not in a position to pay for her siblings' college either.

 

She really is a great girl, I was just shocked that she didn't think she should have to do ANYTHING to help out while living at home FOR FREE!

[myfunnybunch]

LOL, my response to your friend's dd would have been, "You're not a kid any more. Welcome to adulthood." With a :) . I'd likely have handed her a toilet brush while I said it, if she was in a good enough mood to be light about it.

 

My adult dd is not living at home right now, but she was for a short time, so we've been through this.

 

In our home, if an adult child is not paying rent, he or she is expected to help with household chores, including occasional babysitting for younger siblings. S/he is also expected to care for personal areas (room, bathroom) and chores (clean room, laundry, etc.). If it's college break, that's all. Our dd has decided not to attend college, so she was also expected to look for a job. Had she gotten a job and paid a minimal rent, we'd have re-negotiated her household responsibilities, but she'd still have had some. (Instead, she got a job in a nearby town and moved. She's happy there and is doing a good job taking responsibility for herself. :) )

 

The guidelines are pretty easy for us to establish because we host college-age exchange students who *do* pay rent. They are still expected to do their own laundry, help clean up after family meals (per the student agreement--we'd likely excuse them, but it's suggested to students and families that students help with some chores because it helps them to interact with family), keep their own room clean and clean up after themselves in the bathroom. So our adult dd was expected to do the same, plus help with day-to-day household chores like cleaning the house, helping with siblings, etc.

 

FTR, she did not believe she should have had to do most of that either. But we've heard "None of my friends have chores" since she was about 12 (which was true), so she knew what the expectations were in our house and didn't complain too much.

 

Cat

[Chris in VA]

I can see Mom maybe cooking a favorite meal or two, helping adult child with laundry and organizing stuff brought home, maybe making sure their bed is changed and made up---

 

This is, of course, just for the first 24 hours or so. :D

 

Then reality kicks in.

 

Ds has to contribute to college expenses, so we expect him to work during the summer. We also expect him to help out around the house--so he cleans up, throws in a load of towels once in a while, scoops the cat box, takes out the trash, and he's been doing his own laundry since he was 10, so that's a no-brainer.

 

It's not "assigned chores," but "see what has to be done, and do it" around here.

 

OP's dd's attitude makes me irritated. What's the entitlement about?

[Lynnette in WA]

That definitely seems wrong! To keep a home running, EVERYONE needs to help out wherever and whenever they can. I have 2 adult children with full-time jobs living at home -- they're excused from major chores, but do their own laundry and help out with non-regular chores. My home-from-college son has part-time work and volunteer work, but is expected to help out around the house with regular chores and do his own laundry. My living-at-home college daughter works 25 or so hours a week and is taking summer classes, so her chores at home are fewer, but she still does her own laundry. (As a matter of fact, the only laundry I do for our family is towels and my husband's, 9 year old's, and mine.)

I don't think any family member should live like an honored guest in their own home!! (Except me -- I think I should be treated like an honored guest :) )

[myfunnybunch]

She told her parents that if they were going to expect her to do chores around the house she would just get an apartment with a friend instead. I love the irony of that!

 

LOL, this is what our dd did. She's very happy, but still (I suspect) does not see the irony.

 

I think some adult children really do tend to get a little stuck between still wanting to be their parents' child (and the parents taking on the responsibility that goes along with that) and the independence of adulthood. They see chores as being told what to do....and don't get that they're adults now and should really do it without being told.

 

Cat

[Wheres Toto]

My oldest is 17 and does quite a few of those things. She has been doing her own laundry for at least 5 years, cleans her own room, ocassionally cooks dinner, watches the younger kids without pay if its while I run errands while she's home but we pay her if its a planned night out for hours. I always felt like this was pretty minimal due to her school, dance, cheerleading, work schedule.

 

Last year she was able to get a job for the first time working at her dance studio. Since her father (ex-h) was out of work and wasn't paying his half for her dance expenses (half is over $200/month) she ended up working and never seeing any of her paychecks because she paid for half her dance. She could have cut down on the dances she did in order to have extra money but she chose to work for what was important to her. I was very proud of her because she worked hard (even when she had to miss fun stuff) and kept her grades up with a very hard course schedule (5 different honors and AP courses), even improved her GPA over the course of the year while dancing 4 or 5 nights a week and being a cheerleading captain from August through November. She definitely learned some time management skills that will serve her well in college.

 

If my adult child refused to contribute to the household chores - especially things like cleaning up after themselves and doing their own laundry - I would suggest they find a different living situation.

[In The Great White North]

What I told my son is that no real adult would expect to live in our house for any length of time without contributing. Even dinner guests generally offer to help with dishes, though their help is politely declined. If they spent two nights, their help would be graciously accepted after about 24 hours. Further, no well bred adults would expect to keep whatever hours they pleased as guests. They would come in at a normal time of night so as not to disturb the hosts. They would certainly do their own laundry if necessary, would want to help with meals, and would keep their rooms impeccably clean. They would offer to contribute for expenses.

 

Obviously a kid home from college is not strictly speak a "guest," and I did want my son to enjoy coming home. However, they ARE only home if that is agreeable to both the parent and the child. If the adult child felt there was a better situation in terms of being treated like royalty, they would be free to pursue that option, being an adult and all. So in figuring out where they fall between "guest" and "family member" there would not really be anywhere on that line that would include being a free agent, free of chores and rules, but indulged with room, board, and access to "stuff." A pregnant daughter or DIL living with me and on bed rest would get the royal treatment. Everyone else just rises up and does what needs doing like any normal person living in a normal home.

 

So my son, while he did keep his room sort of messy, also did his own laundry, emptied the dishwasher, did dishes, mowed the lawn, washed cars. He took his turn at these jobs - he wasn't the only one doing them. He also drove a lot of carpools for me, which was amazingly awesome and absolved him from houseworky chores when I could strike that bargain!

 

:lol::lol::lol: I love this! I was laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face [as I read this to ds (19)]

[Mommy22alyns]

Informed her? I think informing the person who is supporting you that you owe them nothing is pretty crappy. If I could not show them the error of their ways, then I would probably show them the door.

 

 

:iagree: Exactly my thoughts!

[gardenmom5]

I was talking to a friend last night who said her 20 year old DD is home from college for the summer (living at home for free, though she is working part time to save up money so she doesn't have to work during the school year), and that her DD has informed her that she will not be doing any chores around the house while she is at home because she is on vacation, and that none of her friends have to either. ..

 

 

hmm. I guess the little darling can move in with her friends too. then whether she does chores or not will be between her and her friends.

[Truscifi]

Informed her? I think informing the person who is supporting you that you owe them nothing is pretty crappy. If I could not show them the error of their ways, then I would probably show them the door.

 

:iagree: I hope she enjoys her apartment. Though I would ask her if she will be able to afford living expenses and saving for school at the same time?

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

Getting a job would be answer to his, ours, and everybody's prayers. Our college son knocked himself out silly both last summer and this summer with determined effort to find work. We cannot fault his serious attempts. If the Texas economy is robust, somebody is hiding the jobs.

 

:iagree: Ditto.

[Halftime Hope]

Boy, that sense of entitlement is nasty!

 

I would have told the young adult in no uncertain terms that she had two choices. She would be 1) welcome to live at home, and do her level best to find a job, then pitch in with household *work* as her work schedule allowed, all the while finding things to do to help out the family during her off hours, OR 2) she would be welcome to join the family once a week for dinner, because we love her and do want to see her, even though she is *living elsewhere*, on her own dime. There is no in between. The attitude is non-negotiable.

 

I'm not going to say that it is perfect, but we've been around this block a couple of times with ds (college junior), and we've got it worked out for the most part. He works overtime when not in school and part time when taking classes, but he still has chores to do around the house. His rent (nominal) quadruples if he chooses not to take classes. When I work in the summer, he and ds#2 alternate cooking dinners, because I don't get home until 1.5 hours after the family eats dinner. (The rent requirement was to force ds to get a job instead of sitting on his duff.)

 

Dd is working her fingers to the bone at camp 5.5 days a week and needs every dime to pay for her schooling, so she doesn't pay rent, but she still *volunteers* to wash dishes or help with cooking.

 

Dd has struggled with trying to shake off the attitude of entitlement that many around her at college display. She thinks it's awful, but it's very insidious.

[Delighted3]

My 20yo dd lives at home, goes to college, and works a part-time job. I would expect any/all of the above from her, but not at the same time. She can help with dishes on the weekends. She can clean a bathroom occasionally because that can be done at any time of day;), so she can fit it into her schedule. If she is home when towels need to be folded, she can fold towels. Every 6 months or so, I might even ask her to stay home on a Saturday and babysit her siblings.

However, I do try not to over burden her because she does have a lot going on and needs to be able to relax at home. If she had her own place, she would have to cook, do dishes, laundry, clean bathrooms, etc., so I think it is practical that she can contribute to household chores.

She doesn't pay any rent and I don't expect her to give us money from her job and would think that is unreasonable unless she refused to help out or we were in a truly desperate financial situation.

JMO,

Joy

[nrg]

I voted, but our son has mental health issues which limit his function, so he does well to take care of his own basic needs (with lots of reminding). The expectations have a learning and retraining component for him.

[raceNzanesmom]

Mine works and has to pay the difference on car insurance and his phone. He also buys all of his own things- clothes, hair cuts, bath items, etc, and is saving for classes next month.

 

He is expected to do chores like he always has, keep his room clean, do his laundry, help with his brother, do yardwork, etc etc. He lives here, it isn't a vacation! :glare:

[Cedarmom]

My son helps with dinner, does his laundry, helps out with chores and just pitches in where necessasy.He was not able to find a job this summer, but has done some yard work for others occasionally to earn $. He is expected to pitch some $ in for help with expenses.

 

He lives with us all year long and commutes to college. He does less during the school year. But even then he does help out with dishes, picking up etc. If he is swamped with school work he may ask to be excused from helping clear the dishes (I say yes) but he always asks.

 

I think if he refused and wasn't willing to help, I'd tell him to find a friend and move in with them.

 

Oh, his room is a disaster! But, I save my nagging (encouraging?) for having him pick up after himself around the rest of the house. Cause he still needs reminding about this.:001_smile:

[Tarreymere]

My step-daughter lived with us for a while after she became an adult. She told me "I don't have to do chores, I have a JOB". :glare:

 

So, I asked her exactly how much of her paycheck she planned to give me since I also worked full time and still did 'chores'. Kids can be such snots. She didn't want to give up any of her paycheck, although I also pointed out that I gave nearly all of the money I earned back to the family to pay bills and buy groceries. She wouldn't give in, so she got a deadline to move out.

 

Same thing, a little less dramatic with the next three to move out. I have one clinging to the nest with all his might right now. He is very happy to help out with anything I ask, including babysitting his younger siblings, he will happily give me money or pick up whatever I ask for from the store and not expect to be paid back. He does his own laundry and will finish mine if it is in there, he mows the lawn without being asked, and sometimes brings home pizza for dinner. He would just love to stay here forever, but I think he really needs the experience of being out on his own and practice managing his money so he has a deadline now too (he is twenty and SN).

 

I think that girl in the OP has very unrealistic expectations of what real life is all about. Personally, I would not be providing anyone with her attitude with free room and board, plus maid service.

[Impish]

Informed her? I think informing the person who is supporting you that you owe them nothing is pretty crappy. If I could not show them the error of their ways, then I would probably show them the door.

 

Wow.

 

That's some kind of rude nerve she has going there.:glare:

 

I'd only half jokingly say that she isn't a kid any more and as of that moment I'm on vacation too, so she needs to find some other place to stay for free that also offers free full catering and maid service.

:iagree: with both of the above

You will love her response... :lol: She told her parents that if they were going to expect her to do chores around the house she would just get an apartment with a friend instead. I love the irony of that! I wonder how long it will be until she is BEGGING to move back home where she ONLY has a couple of chores to do! :lol:

 

On a side note -- she also pointed out that she is the only one of her friends who has to pay for their own college (through working in the summer and student loans). I know when she is older she will realize what valuable lessons she has been able to learn because of this (lessons I learned myself while working to pay for college), but at this point in her life she is not seeing it that way. She is the youngest sibling, her parents were not in a position to pay for her siblings' college either.

 

She really is a great girl, I was just shocked that she didn't think she should have to do ANYTHING to help out while living at home FOR FREE!

I'd be telling her to be sure to give us the number so we can call and invite her for dinner.

 

Absolutely ridiculous, imo. An adult living on their own has household responsibilities, so why would she think that she's entitled to do nothing and be catered to?

[PiCO]

...her DD has informed her that she will not be doing any chores around the house while she is at home because she is on vacation

 

If vacation is what she wants, she is more than welcome to go on one. Elsewhere, because I am not running a B&B.

 

the mom then listed all the things SHE had to do while home for the summer, and her dd replied that "kids don't do that kind of stuff anymore."

 

The "nobody else has to do this" excuse never works at my house. My kids know our family is different, and I don't care what everyone else is doing. LOL!

[Night Elf]

I could only check 2 poll choices: doing her own laundry and cleaning her own room.

 

My dd19 lives at home and works full-time. I don't expect her to contribute anything to the family as a whole just simply because she is a young adult and no longer a child. I do not believe in charging her rent/utilities. She isn't using up anymore space, electricity, or water than she did when she was under 18 so I see no reason to make her pay now. I would much rather her save her money for when she moves out (and she has a pretty decent amount in her savings account). I know someone who charges her son $600/month to cover those things including food. He also pays for everything else he uses, including his car, insurance, gas, car maintenance, and clothing. The problem is that he can't save ANY money and will probably not be able to move out anytime soon. I feel like she's shooting herself in the foot. I also feel like she's just wanting extra money, but that's another story.

 

Dd19 works full-time and makes a decent salary. She pays for nearly everything she uses, including toiletries and food. In fact, she's hardly ever home so she simply isn't involved in family meals. She pays all expenses for her car, including insurance. She pays for her own cell phone. The only thing I really contribute is the occasional chocolate milk and fruit roll-ups! She does clean the kitchen or bathroom sometimes, if she sees something that needs to be done, but I do not have an expected chore list for her or for any of us really.

 

I am sure I would feel differently if she didn't have a job and just expected me to hand her money, but we're not in that position.

[ereks mom]

I don't care WHAT others do or don't do in their homes. Mine are going to pitch in to help whenever and wherever they can - my house, grandma's, a friends, etc.

 

If the "adult" in the OP wants to do nothing around the house all summer, then she can be a boarder and pay me rent at the going rate as well as a "maid fee."

 

:iagree:

[Night Elf]

and that her DD has informed her that she will not be doing any chores around the house while she is at home because she is on vacation..

 

Hmm.. where can I get a vacation like that? When we go on vacation, we have to pay for our room & board, buy our own food, do our own laundry, etc. Now, room service such as making beds and vacuuming/dusting are free, but only because we've paid a fee to be in that room and get those services.

 

Vacations are never free and I would be happy to point that out to said child. :)

[TN Mama]

I do not have adult children, so I didn't vote in the poll, but I will say that if my "adult" child spoke to me like that I'd pull a Cliff Huxtable on her so quickly, she wouldn't know which way was up.

 

Talk about disrespectful.

[Lovin Learnin]

Ds is home from college for the summer and will be starting his junior year next month. From the beginning we stressed that when he is home, all rules apply. This means he does his own laundry, helps to clean up after meals, pays for his own entertainment (including meals out) and helps with any special projects we have going on in the house. He also abides by our curfew. The only thing I don't insist on is keeping his room clean, unless we have out of town guests coming. This is pretty much how I handle it for all of the kids. Dd keeps her room clean because she likes having friends over, and I won't let them have guests if their rooms are not clean.

 

Ds has no problem following our rules and doesn't complain. It is what it is.

[BlsdMama]

do you expect them to contribute to the family while they are living at home?

 

I was talking to a friend last night who said her 20 year old DD is home from college for the summer (living at home for free, though she is working part time to save up money so she doesn't have to work during the school year), and that her DD has informed her that she will not be doing any chores around the house while she is at home because she is on vacation, and that none of her friends have to either. The mom then listed all the things SHE had to do while home for the summer, and her dd replied that "kids don't do that kind of stuff anymore."

 

Mine are younger, but in my mind an adult child living at home should do MORE to help than they did as kids. Do you agree?

 

I am adding a poll...

 

 

"Informed" her eh? I would have laughed so hard I might have fallen off my seat. And then I'd have had a little "informing" of my own.... ;)

 

But it sounds as though this child thought this was acceptable so I have to wonder what she did when she did live at home full time.

 

My children wouldn't be under such a delusion, lol. We who live in the home, care for the home. Period.

[mama2cntrykids]

we'll be hitting this period in thr next two years w/my step-son...

[J-rap]

Everything but the last three. They DO have full or near full-time jobs for the summer, but I want them to keep the money they earn for buying things they need at college. They mostly save what they make, and use that money for misc. school fees, books, groceries, clothes and drug store items they might need during the year...anything else besides tuition, room and board.

 

I don't think it ever occurred to them to not have a job or not help out around the house.

[justamouse]

Informed her? I think informing the person who is supporting you that you owe them nothing is pretty crappy. If I could not show them the error of their ways, then I would probably show them the door.

:iagree:

 

You are home with the family, you function as a family member. We are not your maids and chefs. You will be a part of the team.

[NilaGroveSchool]

My 22ds is a great guy. He likes to live at home. He is absolutlely required to have a job, he pays us "rent", that helps to pay for car, insurances, cell, food, etc. He is required to clean up his room and rooms he messes up, but needs to be reminded (nagged) to do so. He and dd6 are good "friends". We have good days and ok days, but we all enjoy the arrangement for now. Dh and he play sports and watch guy shows together (and fight, too). He will get groceries or whatever, etc... I think we all generally like each other,etc... I do most of the cooking and laundry, but not all... he usually launders his work clothes.

[Rosie_0801]

I think I'd put up with a bit of self-centred attitude, because I remember resenting visiting Mum (for a day, or a few hours) and having her tell me to put the washing on the line or wash dishes, just like she did when I lived at home. I needed to be able to separate in that way to seal that boundary, or something, to have the expectation/ demand removed so I had the space to choose to do it.

 

Perhaps my situation was different though. I had moved out of home and living an independent adult life just as Mum was. If I was home on uni holidays and was still financially dependent on her, I'd certainly appreciate the above, but I wouldn't expect to be treated as an equal adult because I wouldn't be.

 

Rosie

[Osmosis Mom]

Let me be the dissenter. Dd in college works really hard and when she is home, then it is a treat to her and to us. She did her share of chores over the years and is allowed to some extra love when she is home. Second dd works and on days when she works, then I don't really require her to do chores. She is not paying a dime at home, but then she buys her own things with her money. When she is off to college in the spring, then she won't be required to do any chores at home either.

 

However, as the college kids get used to their study and work loads, then they know the expectation is that they help around as needed without me specifically asking them. Or they might do me some real favors like take care of the house while I go away on a conference! Stuff like that where they take out time of their schedule and do it happily and with love.

[yellowperch]

Nadia, that sounds perfect. The trick, and it is a real one, is raising children who are wonderful, generous people. I wish I knew how to do that. Until I do, I'll keep trying to figure it out.

[Osmosis Mom]

SK, some kids are just a pleasure to raise, I guess. Still have some real challenges ahead of me, but oldest is a joy and the best pseudo-mama my kids could get!

[mcconnellboys]

Ummmm, NO. Why would she even have to ask if that is wrong, LOL?

 

If my son tried pulling something like that on me, my response to him would be to pack his bags and see which one of those suckers would let him live off them for the summer, because he's not doing that here.

 

Every member of a family has responsibilities, of course! That should go without saying! That said, of course if a particular family decides that they wish to allow a member to be "on vacation" from their duties, that's their business, but for someone to suggest that it is some kind of standard that is expected is simply preposterous.

 

My son has picked back up with his regular responsibilities since returning home and also helps prompt his little brother to get his chores done. None of the things he does are so costly of his time that they should present any undue hardship on him. I've not noticed him having to be late to work or miss out on any personal activities due to completing his chores, LOL....