Babysitter Question ... How Would You Feel?

[Purple Cat]

My head is spinning. For the very first time, I planned to use a 16 y.o. girl to come babysit my two children one morning. I had paid her for an hour of her time to spend 20 minutes meeting my children and going over instructions. About 36 hours before she was to show up, she told me there was a "small chance" she would have to cancel because she was working another job and might have to work late that night. She explained she would not get home at midnight and then would be unable to be at my house at 9 a.m. the next morning. (She lives 10 minutes away). She promised to call me that night to let me know for sure. No phone call that night. The day before she was to babysit she called and said she could not babysit on Saturday morning because she was scheduled to work until 11 p.m. and would not get home until midnight. Therefore, she explained she would not be able to be at my home at 9 a.m. the next morning. (My children would likely be sleeping for the first several hours she was there).

 

I felt very disappointed and very unhappy with her. In my view, only getting 8 hours of sleep the night before is insufficient reason to cancel the last minute. I cannot even say it's an insufficient reason. I don't consider it a reason at all. I also felt very unhappy that I had paid her to meet my children based on her agreement to watch the children a few days later, when in fact, she knew she might not be able to work for my that day because of conflicts with another job. (Her other job was a temporary job that she apparently thought would finish Friday afternoon but knew could require her to work Friday until 11 p.m.)

 

My sister's response was the babysitter did the right thing to cancel because she wouldn't be "on her A game" if she only had 8 hours of sleep the night before, and I should view the babysitter as responsible in cancelling because she wouldn't be on her "A game" (to watch my children sleep for all but 1 1/2 hours).

 

My relationship with my sister has been very weird. I'm inclined to think her response is more icky on her part than valid. But I wanted to get others' reaction.

 

So, what do you think? Both about the babysitter's cancellation and my sister's response?

[KristinaBreece]

I watch kids 24/7 (mine & some others) and I can't tell you how what I would give to get anything close to 8 hours of sleep on any given night. lol-- Definitely not a valid excuse. My guess is that she really had something else she wants to do on Saturday morning.

 

And I think your sister... well, she's right that at least the girl called instead of pulling a no-show. but this is an issue I would side with you on. Carppy to cancel last minute, unless there was a real emergency or she was sick.

[wapiti]

Find another sitter. She is not reliable, whatever her "reasons."

[4everHis]

I think the sitter could have made it. If her mom was taking her to the mall early the next morning she would have been able to do it on so little(?) sleep. I also might mention to her that she took your $$$ for meeting the children leading you to believe she would follow up with sitting. I wouldn't use her. I realize I will get flamed for these thoughts but to me this is why good work ethics are dwindling away.

 

as for your sis? would she come over and sit for you?;)

[KristinaBreece]

I think the sitter could have made it. If her mom was taking her to the mall early the next morning she would have been able to do it on so little(?) sleep. I also might mention to her that she took your $$$ for meeting the children leading you to believe she would follow up with sitting. I wouldn't use her. I realize I will get flamed for these thoughts but to me this is why good work ethics are dwindling away.

 

as for your sis? would she come over and sit for you?;)

 

I don't think you'll get flamed. A lot of people here will likely agree with you.

 

I do want to say that I don't think that's WHY good work ethics are dwindling, but that it is a good example of dwindling work ethics. ;)

[Starr]

You can't count on her. I wouldn't use her unless it didn't matter if she cancelled. And not being able to get there by 9 is crazy. I'm sure she's been up late and off to school by 8. :) Your babysitting job isn't important to her.

[Parrothead]

Would it have been a true 8 hours of sleep? How many people can get off work, go home and go straight to sleep? There may have been an hour to unwind, get a meal, check email, etc. That puts the earliest she could go to bed is 1am. More than likely it would be closer to 2.

 

I think she did the responsible thing in canceling.

[AuntieM]

Find a new sitter. You feel shortchanged, and that you were. She led you to believe you had contracted her services, and she bailed.

 

Honestly, I think we give people too much sway over us. When I am looking for a paid service, I hire someone to work when *I* need them. At the first sign of wishy-washy, I would have said, "It sounds to me like you may end up unavailable, and then I'd be stuck. I am afraid I will have to hire out this work to someone else."

[hsbaby]

Ridiculous! I had a summer babysitting job as a teen and had to be there by 5:45 AM. I doubt I even got 8 hours of sleep. It's all about priorities. Sounds like the job you offered her is not one. I would definitely look elsewhere!

[jelbe5]

:iagree: with find another sitter. Since she already has a job sitting is not her priority. I would also consider not paying for the initial meeting with a new sitter. Usually one is not paid for a "job interview", even if there is more than one interview. If you feel you must compensate the new sitter add it into what you pay for the first official sitting job. My dd (16 in July) is just beginning to sit and we would expect her to be paid only for actually sitting, not an initial "getting to know you" type meeting. :)

[abbeyej]

Yeah. You can't count on her. You need to find someone else. Ugh.

[clarkacademy]

No, I think it was wrong on her part. She should also give you your money back. Why does she think she can keep your money if she didn't do the work?

[Girlsx3]

I wouldn't use that sitter again. She obviously didn't want the job badly enough.

 

A responsible person would not call in to work because they weren't on their "A game". There's lots of days that one is on her "B game" or even "D game" and carries on with life nonetheless.

 

Too bad I can't refuse to parent my kids when I don't get a full night's sleep. :)

[RanchGirl]

You can't count on her. I wouldn't use her unless it didn't matter if she cancelled. And not being able to get there by 9 is crazy. I'm sure she's been up late and off to school by 8. :) Your babysitting job isn't important to her.

 

:iagree: I would never use her again as she is not reliable. Giving you a day or two notice is better than not showing up, but not a lot better. She is still not meeting her commitment to babysit for you. And she's giving a pretty lame reason as well. Either she doesnt need the money because she works this other job, or something in the pre training period made her nervous? Either way: Fired.

 

In the future, if you need to pre train a sitter, go run some errands or go to the bookstore and read for the rest of the hour so you get a little benefit as well! And hopefully you can get some references for a sitter who really wants to babysit.

[Carol in Cal.]

The bottom line is that you have learned that she can't make a genuine commitment to you and to her schedule with you. So you can't afford to count on her.

 

It's time to look for someone else.

 

You will always wonder whether she is going to come until the minute when she shows up. If you have an event that can't stand that amount of flexibility, such as a wedding or tickets to a play, you will never be able to relax and know that she will be there for you. Time to move on.

[Parrothead]

I wouldn't use that sitter again. She obviously didn't want the job badly enough.

 

A responsible person would not call in to work because they weren't on their "A game". There's lots of days that one is on her "B game" or even "D game" and carries on with life nonetheless.

 

Too bad I can't refuse to parent my kids when I don't get a full night's sleep. :)

It is one thing when they are your own children. What would you (or anyone) have done if she showed up to work, fell asleep on the sofa while waiting for the kids to get out of bed? The toddler then commences to go outside and play in traffic while the babysitter is asleep. Who are you going to sue for everything she has because your kid got injured or dead? Who is going to be looking at jail time?

 

I wouldn't want anyone watching my child who wasn't at their absolute best and I certainly wouldn't allow my child to babysit someone else kids when my child isn't at her best. That is just asking for trouble. I can't believe how many people are calling this babysitter irresponsible.

[elegantlion]

Find a new sitter. You feel shortchanged, and that you were. She led you to believe you had contracted her services, and she bailed.

 

Honestly, I think we give people too much sway over us. When I am looking for a paid service, I hire someone to work when *I* need them. At the first sign of wishy-washy, I would have said, "It sounds to me like you may end up unavailable, and then I'd be stuck. I am afraid I will have to hire out this work to someone else."

:iagree: Sounds like she changed her mind and getting off work late is an easy out.

 

I'd leave it at the above, find someone else, and let it go. I was the queen of excuses as a teen. I could find a reason to get out of anything. It took me years to realize an upfront "No, I can't commit" was better than saying yes and backing out later.

[eternalknot]

She's 16, so I'm wondering if her parents may have had some say in the cancellation? Maybe not wanting her to report to work at 9am after working late hours the night prior?

 

I don't know that I'd jump right away to poor work ethic. Maybe still hammering out how to manage her responsibilities, but she agreed to babysit and also holds another (albeit temporary) job. She's not bumming on her mom's sofa, ordering pizza and cancelling the babysitting gig to get her nails done instead. Or maybe she is, I don't know LOL.

 

I'd probably give her another try, mostly because she gave some notice that it was a possibility. I'd guess she didn't call the first night because she was waiting to hear back from someone else (maybe the scheduler or someone possibly covering her late shift) - if she didn't hear back from them, she had no new info for her. An adult might still call anyway, saying just that, but I think that's the sort of thing most people do once they've been on the other side of that fence - you know? Maturation, life experience, yada yada.

 

I'm a flight attendant. On paper, our layovers sometimes look good - to the schedulers and anyone not actually on the layover. In reality, 9 hours on paper isn't always reflective of real life. She has to travel home, maybe grab a quick bedtime snack, shower, prepare for bed, ... and even after a long day at work many people find it hard to go right to bed/sleep - lots of us need a bit of wind-down time, be it a book or tv or phone calls to catch up on. If she's not getting home until after midnight, it could take another hour until she's actually head-to-pillow. To be at your house at 9am, she'd have to leave at 8:45ish. Most people can get ready in about an hour - showering if need be, hygiene, quick breakfast, dressed. So say she wakes up at about 7:45am. She might even set her alarm for 7:30 so she can get that one snooze in. That's less than 7 hours of sleep, assuming she only needs an hour after work and an hour before reporting to your house.

 

Moms run on that often; not always well. Maybe her parents thought it was too much for her, and told her she couldn't babysit for you. Maybe she knew she wouldn't be a good sitter on so little sleep. Who knows. You could always ask. I think asking for an explanation before re-hire is reasonable, if handled right.

 

I'd be disappointed, too. I don't think you are wrong to be. I think that the bigger picture here, though, is that she kept in you the loop to the best of her ability. I'd let her know I was disappointed, and would have to think about using her again; perhaps even conditionally, as in my hiring her would depend on her other job - no more last minute maybes. I think that is reasonable. I'd not be upset about the $10-15 because I'd consider that an insurance. I'd want to pay it so she could meet my kids but more importantly so I could meet her meeting my kids. Before I left them with her. You know? If she had been a nutjob, you'd still have spent the same money but you would know not to leave her with the kids - it wasn't wasted money, you just haven't yet gotten any returns on it yet!

[Harriet Vane]

Find another sitter. She is not reliable, whatever her "reasons."

 

:iagree: The babysitter is being ridiculous. Get a new one.

 

ETA: Having read the rest of the thread, I have to admit to being really, really puzzled by those posters who think the sitter was reasonable. I have been working since 14yo. I went to a challenging, private, college-prep school AND worked a job at the same time. In college I worked two jobs most times, and one memorable semester I worked three jobs. I know full well how exhausting it can be, and how difficult to juggle many responsibilities. As far as I am concerned, the sitter had the opportunity for a minimum of 6 hours of sleep, and probably more like 8. That's really plenty of sleep. And, she's almost an adult--there is NO employer out there who would allow a cancellation based on this lame excuse. She might as well learn this now.

Edited June 8, 2011 by strider

[Melanie in WI]

Find another sitter. She is not reliable, whatever her "reasons."

 

:iagree:

[SweetBean]

Find another sitter. She is not reliable, whatever her "reasons."

:iagree:

[Robin's Song]

Why did you pay her for meeting your kids? I put that on the same level as a job interview. Who expects to get paid for going to a job interview (or three?). I think you're too nice :tongue_smilie:.

[Robin's Song]

I thought the same. Nobody ever paid me for that. That was extra super nice of you. In fact, had someone done that I would have felt I needed to be even more loyal to them.

 

My sense of propriety would never have allowed me to accept payment for that!

[eternalknot]

ETA: Having read the rest of the thread, I have to admit to being really, really puzzled by those posters who think the sitter was reasonable. I have been working since 14yo. I went to a challenging, private, college-prep school AND worked a job at the same time. In college I worked two jobs most times, and one memorable semester I worked three jobs. I know full well how exhausting it can be, and how difficult to juggle many responsibilities. As far as I am concerned, the sitter had the opportunity for a minimum of 6 hours of sleep, and probably more like 8. That's really plenty of sleep. And, she's almost an adult--there is NO employer out there who would allow a cancellation based on this lame excuse. She might as well learn this now.

 

We sound like we come from similar backgrounds. My family has always owned restaurants and other businesses, so I've always worked for family -often without pay- on top of school and paid babysitting for neighbors (who also owned their own small businesses). I worked two jobs in college, always did 18 credit hours per semester because anything from 12-18 was "free", and still helped out family and neighbors with babysitting. My family is East Asian, and on top of it all we were expected to maintain scholarships and graduate with highest honors. No fluffy feel-good liberal arts degrees either, trust me I tried LOL.

 

I'm not a superhero, even though I have always worked more and slept less than many of my classmates. I know firsthand it can be done. That doesn't mean it should be or has to be. Or that everyone is cut out for it the way you and I were/are.

 

I consider it reasonable that a 16 year old gave advance notice that she may be unable to fulfill her obligation. In American culture the teen-age years are viewed as the time one learns these nuances and skills, and we could spin-off into an entirely different thread about the hows, whys, and (in)appropriateness of that (because I DID go back and get fluffy, feel-good liberal arts degrees as an adult LOL). Are they my expectations? Not really. Are they reasonable within the established social norm? I think so, sure. She seems to have given the OP new information as she got it rather than just not showing up or calling at 8am the morning of.

 

FWIW, this isn't all that uncommon in my line of work. We line up Plan As, Plan Bs, and such when we re-work our schedules. The company also has a pool of ready bodies serving on-call because every single day we get last minute cancellations - both "lame" and 'worthy' - and all the company wants to hear is: I can't make it in today. End of story, they don't even ask why.

 

To sum, I think she acted reasonably within her social norms. This is the time of her life when she's to be learning these things; this was as much a lesson for her as it was for the OP.

[WishboneDawn]

Would it have been a true 8 hours of sleep? How many people can get off work, go home and go straight to sleep? There may have been an hour to unwind, get a meal, check email, etc. That puts the earliest she could go to bed is 1am. More than likely it would be closer to 2.

 

I think she did the responsible thing in canceling.

 

Me too. And it isn't like you didn't have some warning that this might be an issue.

 

Honestly, an irresponsible teen would never have warned you and would simply not have shown up on the morning you needed her.

[myfunnybunch]

I think the babysitter is flaky.

 

I think your sister just has a different opinion. Nothing "icky" about it, just a different viewpoint. If it's typical for her to find an opposing perspective to things that bother you, that's probably bothersome, but her opinion doesn't seem completely unreasonable in this particular instance. (Hope that makes sense.)

 

Cat

[WishboneDawn]

:iagree:

 

And she is 16. She is not a mother. She is not experienced. Her parents may be limiting her working time. I think when you hire someone young you are probably giving up some reliability.

 

Exactly. Especially since the OP knew there was a chance the girl would not be able to make it.

 

The OP took a calculated risk in choosing her, didn't make out so well with it and has to move on. No big deal.

[Carol in Cal.]

Regardless of why the girl didn't come, the fact is that she had a long-standing appointment that she cancelled rather late. It doesn't really matter whether her parents made her, or she thought she would be tired, or what. Unless there was blood or fire involved, she treated the commitment as less than a commitment. That means that you'll never know whether she is coming or not. If that's OK with you, keep working with her. If it's not, don't. Either way, for heaven's sake don't plan on expecting her to change.

[Parrothead]

:iagree: The babysitter is being ridiculous. Get a new one.

 

ETA: Having read the rest of the thread, I have to admit to being really, really puzzled by those posters who think the sitter was reasonable. I have been working since 14yo. I went to a challenging, private, college-prep school AND worked a job at the same time. In college I worked two jobs most times, and one memorable semester I worked three jobs. I know full well how exhausting it can be, and how difficult to juggle many responsibilities. As far as I am concerned, the sitter had the opportunity for a minimum of 6 hours of sleep, and probably more like 8. That's really plenty of sleep. And, she's almost an adult--there is NO employer out there who would allow a cancellation based on this lame excuse. She might as well learn this now.

I can't see trusting my child to a young person operating on only 6 hours of sleep. Sixteen is not an adult. It is a safety issue. Tired and irritable could mean abuse. Tired and falling asleep could mean kids outside unsupervised. Honestly why take the chance? It only takes a second for an unsupervised little one to get into a life threatening situation. I can't believe so many are so oblivious to the dangers.

[Kate CA]

I watch kids 24/7 (mine & some others) and I can't tell you how what I would give to get anything close to 8 hours of sleep on any given night. lol-- Definitely not a valid excuse. My guess is that she really had something else she wants to do on Saturday morning.

 

 

I agree! I think it is terribly rude to commit to something and then flake at the last minute - call or no. My 16yo babysits and unless she is ill, she is absolutely going to be a person of her word. I would never use that girl again as she has proved she is not reliable when you need her. I am sorry she put you in a bind.

[MrsBasil]

I would be disappointed too, especially since it can be really hard to find a sitter the day before an event.

 

I don't canceling automatically says anything about her personally, but I would not be inclined to call her again. For a sitter, I want someone more reliable.

[elfgivas]

i'm wondering how you chose her? do you know her mother well enough to call and say something like...

 

" i really appreciated your daughter letting me know in advance that she might not be able to babysit. i'm a little puzzled about the reasoning though and i was wondering if you had the impression that she just didn't want to sit for us and didn't know how to say that so used an excuse, or if it really is that she needs that much sleep or ??? if she doesn't want to sit for us again, then i won't call and ask the next time"

 

eta: i'm thinking its better to ask than to guess?

 

hth,

ann

[Carol in Cal.]

It doesn't matter if her parents made her?

 

It doesn't matter in that that leaves her unreliable as well. The reason she is unreliable is not the point. The point is, the OP can't count on her to show up, so in a situation where plans can't easily be changed at the last minute, she would be a poor choice.

[wapiti]

I look at it this way. If I were the boss at Safeway, I wouldn't take too kindly to a person calling in sick for their first day on the job, even if the person is only 16. I'm offering a job, that pays money. If she can't commit in advance, I will find someone else who will. It's a tough job market, and reliability is a critical component of a good babysitter. I've had plenty of very reliable 16 y.o. babysitters - they are out there.

 

If a 16 y.o. is not reliable, then losing a customer ought to be a learning experience. This is the time to start growing up, not being cut slack for one's age.

 

However, I would not accept a non-commitment in the first place. That's setting up a minor (or major) disaster.

[Susan in TX]

Find another sitter. She is not reliable, whatever her "reasons."

 

:iagree:

 

I also would never pay a potential sitter to meet with me and my children. That is part of the interview process, not something one should get paid for.

 

Susan in TX

[Murphy101]

I really don't care what her issue is.

She isn't reliable, so move on.

[Night Elf]

I'd call it a wash. It's unfortunate that you had to pay her to meet your children, but it is what it is. I wouldn't ask her to take care of my children because she's unreliable. I mean, I do think it's good that she let you know somewhat in advance, but she could encounter that situation again. You may find she cancels more than she sits. I'd spend time finding someone who is more reliable.

[Little Nyssa]

She doesn't seem to be responsible enough. What I don't like is that she promised to call you and did not.

 

However, lots of teens & even college students are like this, and then suddenly they grow up & realized they are accountable for what they do.

 

If you explain to her that you always need a firm commitment, and you require 48 hours notice to cancel, and because of that you will not need her services RIGHT NOW, she may learn something, and in 6 months or a year you could check her out again and see if she would be a better sitter. I mean, if you like her overall and she is good with kids.

[Little Nyssa]

Also, why couldn't she say to the people she was sitting for at night, I'm sorry, I can not stay since I have another job the next morning at 9 am?

[reamaria]

Glad you were able to see her true colors before leaving her alone with your kids.

[TXBeth]

I'm wondering where you live that it's legal for a 16-year-old to be working until midnight.

[Pretty in Pink]

I would be annoyed by her cancellation and would not consider her for future babysitting jobs. I don't really understand why she was paid for her initial interview, but that is besides the fact at this point.

 

I'm wondering where you live that it's legal for a 16-year-old to be working until midnight.

 

I am pretty sure it is legal in the state of Georgia. That's where I had my first job and I worked until midnight on a regular basis. IIRC, a licensed driver under the age of 18 could only be on the road after midnight if they were driving to or from work. My memory might be a bit fuzzy.

[Wheres Toto]

I wouldn't use her anymore. I would expect a 16 year old to be better at meeting commitments.

 

As for the safety of having a half-asleep teenager watching your kids - how old are your kids? That would make a big difference to me. If you are talking about a newborn/young baby it might be a factor. I also don't think 6 to 8 hours of sleep should lead to a teenager who is falling asleep on the job unless there's a health issue.

[Harriet Vane]

I wouldn't use her anymore. I would expect a 16 year old to be better at meeting commitments.

 

As for the safety of having a half-asleep teenager watching your kids - how old are your kids? That would make a big difference to me. If you are talking about a newborn/young baby it might be a factor. I also don't think 6 to 8 hours of sleep should lead to a teenager who is falling asleep on the job unless there's a health issue.

 

Yes--well said.

[Harriet Vane]

 

I'm not a superhero, even though I have always worked more and slept less than many of my classmates. I know firsthand it can be done. That doesn't mean it should be or has to be. Or that everyone is cut out for it the way you and I were/are.

 

 

 

Coming back to this thread to say I appreciate your perspective. I want to clarify that I do NOT think that everyone should have to work as hard as I did. I would have much rather had more sleep, better nutrition, more family support (practically non-existent), and far more money. I worked as hard as I did because otherwise I would have been hungry, without clothes, and uneducated. I don't wish that on anyone.

 

Having said that, I think we'll have to disagree about this one. A job commitment is a promise given. That commitment should be honored unless there is an emergency. The natural consequence of not following through is that people will no longer want to hire you.

 

Thanks for the dialogue. :)

[katilac]

I would definitely be taken aback if someone told me they couldn't babysit at 9 am because they weren't getting home till midnight. Chronic sleep deprivation is a danger, sure, or a night with almost no sleep, but one night of six to seven hours sleep? What kind of sissy teen can't handle that? :D

 

I guess I think she didn't need a perfect night or morning - ie, there's no need to eat at midnight just b/c you get home at midnight, you don't HAVE to take an hour to get ready in the morning, etc. Home at midnight, an hour to unwind and get ready for bed, in bed by 1 am, stay in bed till 8 am or even a bit later, extra large mug of coffee, and you're good to go!

 

Really, we can imagine horrible scenarios, but I can't imagine a normal, healthy person not being able to stay awake after one night of six to seven hours sleep.

[Scarlett]

I watch kids 24/7 (mine & some others) and I can't tell you how what I would give to get anything close to 8 hours of sleep on any given night. lol-- Definitely not a valid excuse. My guess is that she really had something else she wants to do on Saturday morning.

 

And I think your sister... well, she's right that at least the girl called instead of pulling a no-show. but this is an issue I would side with you on. Carppy to cancel last minute, unless there was a real emergency or she was sick.

 

I wouldn't use her again....

 

As far as the sister....ridiculous....a 16 year old should be capable of babysitting on far less than 8 hours of sleep. It isn't like she would be driving them somewhere.

[cindergretta]

There is too little information. I know my teens (almost 15 and 17) seriously need a LOT of sleep. Thank God we homeschool!! :tongue_smilie: They literally drag when they don't get enough sleep. And for a working high schooler who isn't homeschooled, Saturday morning might be when she typically catches up on sleep. So it is a bigger deal than one night of less than 8 hours. I know dd's team mates get 6 or 7 hours a night during the week and sleep until noon on Saturdays to make up for it.

 

She might be reliable and responsible. She might be a flake. She might be trying to work as many odd jobs as possible for extra money and discovering that she can't keep up. I don't know. But I am not willing to assign negative intent to a 16 y/o I have never met and assume she is being deliberately twitty. (Again, she might well be. But since I don't know her, I can't make that leap. :) )

 

You don't need a reason to not use her again. Just don't use her. There are other teens you can hire. Maybe she wasn't comfortable with your dc and didn't know how to say as much (teens are notorious for not knowing what to say or how to say it) and backed out the only way she immaturely knew how. Who knows?