Remudamom Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 There was a mom with a handful of littles and a darling baby in her lap who hadn't been able to take a bite of her brunch. I offered to hold the baby right there at her table so she could eat. Nope. No way. No how. I guess I'm scary looking. I really needed a baby fix today.:crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 :grouphug: Hate to admit it, but I've never been able to allow a stranger to hold any of my kids...partially cause its a stranger, but also b/c my kids would lose their ever. loving. minds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susankenny Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Don't take it personal at all. I would never let a stranger hold my kid. :grouphug: Your heart was well intended & that's all that matters. It wasn't that you were "scary", it was just a mom that didn't feel comfortable. People can be totally weird about their babies and letting people hold them. Really, don't worry about it. It wasn't you at all:grouphug: Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 There was a mom with a handful of littles and a darling baby in her lap who hadn't been able to take a bite of her brunch. I offered to hold the baby right there at her table so she could eat. :grouphug::grouphug: I tried to help a mom at a conference I was at recently. She was very polite. "No, I can handle it." 'I know you can, but I'd like to help.' Sorry. I know what it's like to want that baby fix! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Awwww... :grouphug: Was it Momma or baby who wasn't amenable to your offer? I understand when Mommas say no, but it does sort of hurt my feelings when babies turn me down! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 :grouphug: I wouldn't take it personally. It may be that she's uncomfortable having strangers hold her babies. It might be that the baby has serious stranger anxiety. It could be because she's been burned before by offers of "help," and has found it easier to just deal with her kids herself, rather than ask or accept help. :grouphug: I'm sorry you weren't able to get your baby fix. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Oh, and ftr, I'd let you babysit, hold, even MIL any of my kids! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serene Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 (edited) I'm sure you're not scary looking, it's more about the mom (& maybe the baby). My oldest would have screamed had I tried to hand her off to anyone - friend or stranger. As a new mom of a fussy baby, I wasn't comfortable giving her to others. My youngest would go to *anyone* - she didn't meet a stranger. :001_smile: Try not to feel offended. I hope you get a very good baby-fix, very soon! :grouphug: ETA: I'm obviously a slower typist! It took me longer to say what everyone else has already said. =) Edited April 24, 2011 by serene Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 You could hold my 9 year old but she's the smallest one I've got - unless you count the cat. He's much more baby sized! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 I'd have let you. If the baby cried, I'd have taken her back, but I'd have been grateful and happy to have you ask. I think we've lost something valuable when we're afraid to let a nice, grandmotherly woman hold a baby an arm's length away. I've always shared my little ones with mamas craving a little baby snuggle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 I'm really not into letting strangers even touch my babies, but I'll let you come get your fix if you'll put my leftovers away! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 :grouphug: I'm so sorry. If it helps, it might have been the baby. My mom loved to tell me that I was the only baby at church and would scream my head off if anybody other than family held me. There were many disappointed ladies at our church. I work in the nursery once a month to get my baby fix. Do you have anything like that you could do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mallorie Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 I'd have let you. If the baby cried, I'd have taken her back, but I'd have been grateful and happy to have you ask. I think we've lost something valuable when we're afraid to let a nice, grandmotherly woman hold a baby an arm's length away. I've always shared my little ones with mamas craving a little baby snuggle. I agree with the bolded statement. That said, I still would not have let a stranger hold my baby. I would however, have been open to getting to know the nice lady who offered a kindness and work toward that kind of trust. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Wish you'd been at our church this morning.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 :grouphug: so your feelings were hurt. Mine would have been too. We stayed home today instead of doing the in-law event at bil's. There's been comments made each time my wild six-pack shows up and we decided to just stay home and relax. Then I got on FB later this afternoon and read my niece's comment made the day before about how she wasn't looking forward to spending Easter with all the little wild cousins . . . :001_huh: Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Probably spent the first of many holidays with just dh and the family here. It was peaceful, relaxing, and no stress of expectations from the inlaws. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Awww. It is hard not to take it personally. I offer myself and my teens up all the time to hold littles, and it is usually well received, but there are always a few who say no. I let anyone and everyone hold my kiddos when they were little, so it took me a while to get used to. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 (edited) I'd have let you. If the baby cried, I'd have taken her back, but I'd have been grateful and happy to have you ask. I think we've lost something valuable when we're afraid to let a nice, grandmotherly woman hold a baby an arm's length away. I've always shared my little ones with mamas craving a little baby snuggle. I totally agree with the bolded. That kind of attitude is just ridiculous, IMO. My mother always says that babies are for sharing, and I agree. That's what makes us a community, the ability to share, even our children, with others. Safely, of course, goes without saying. Walk off with my baby (meaning, not the bounce the baby mama-walk)--no way. Hold her at the table with me? You bet! Edited April 24, 2011 by Caitilin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 :grouphug:Hate to admit it, but I've never been able to allow a stranger to hold any of my kids...partially cause its a stranger, but also b/c my kids would lose their ever. loving. minds. Mine, too. I have some very attached babies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 That was a very nice offer! But I would have turned you down as well. I'm sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Here's the other thing too... My nephew, as I've mentioned, was born with a closed valve, a hole in his heart, and was just released from the hospital today after a bowel infection. Needless to say, he's not passed around. Period. His health is simply too precarious, and he's due for another heart surgery by the time he's 4-6 mths old. My bro and his wife are doing better than I would...I'd make everyone scrub down, glove and gown up before going in the same room! There may be issues that aren't apparent, and that the parents don't feel like getting into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 There was a mom with a handful of littles and a darling baby in her lap who hadn't been able to take a bite of her brunch. I offered to hold the baby right there at her table so she could eat. Nope. No way. No how. I guess I'm scary looking. I really needed a baby fix today.:crying: Awww, I'm sorry. I let anyone (within reason) hold my babies. I know moms need to get their baby fixes! I would not think someone at your church think you were a "stranger", so I would have been surprised your offer to help was turned down as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zillymom Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Here's the other thing too... My nephew, as I've mentioned, was born with a closed valve, a hole in his heart, and was just released from the hospital today after a bowel infection. Needless to say, he's not passed around. Period. His health is simply too precarious, and he's due for another heart surgery by the time he's 4-6 mths old. My bro and his wife are doing better than I would...I'd make everyone scrub down, glove and gown up before going in the same room! There may be issues that aren't apparent, and that the parents don't feel like getting into. :iagree: We had to be careful with my DD when we first started taking her to church. We kind of stopped explaining ourselves because we got tired of getting the whole "germs are good for her, they'll build up her immune system" spiel from people. :glare: To be fair though, our church knew DD's story, and most people were really wonderful and sensitive, and admired her from not-too-close. :001_wub: She's 21 months now, and we have just gotten to the point where we can relax and not worry about her catching normal stuff. It feels sooooo good! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyBlueLobsters Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I would have come sit in your lap. :) (is that awkward?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl in NM Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) :grouphug: Aw, she just doesn't know you like we do! My neighbor has a 3 month old. You could fly down here, train my horse and have baby time. Ok? :tongue_smilie: Edited April 25, 2011 by Cheryl in NM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted April 25, 2011 Author Share Posted April 25, 2011 I would have come sit in your lap. :) (is that awkward?) Snort! Would you let me bounce you and toss you up and down? You did help even if you didn't know it. I had a blast with Logan, it really lifted my spirits today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helena Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Awww.. I would have let you hold my babies! :001_smile: I used to bring my babies to work in a baby bjorn (I worked at a funky bead shop), and the ladies loved to hold them. I remember one time an old old old grandma (in broken english) asked to take the baby down the street for a walk, her granddaughters started apologizing and saying she was "from the old country" :lol: It was great! I said no. :001_smile: I loved having them in that environment, and I loved to watch my girls being loved and held. Who knows, if you keep asking around, you just might get a taker eventually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helena Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I would have come sit in your lap. :) (is that awkward?) :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) My tiny babies didn't mind being held (up to about 3/4 mos they were fine with it), and I would let women in my church hold the baby when the three oldest were younger and I was juggling small children. I didn't consider anyone at my church strangers (it was a small UU congregation). Kind people know to hand the baby back it they are crying, I find. I didn't mind at all. Are you scary looking? ;) lol Edited April 26, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I learned to loan my babies out early on when ,y mom took my newborn out of my arms and gave it to a 80 something year old woman who volunteered at the library. That woman's smile and sheer thankfulness -it's bringing tears to my eyes even now. So from then on I found the older ladies and always asked them if they wanted to hold my babies. I don't know what magic holding babies has, but it helps the soul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyBlueLobsters Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Snort! Would you let me bounce you and toss you up and down? You did help even if you didn't know it. I had a blast with Logan, it really lifted my spirits today! Hey, if you could have lifted me...sure. You could have bounced me or tossed me in the air all you wanted. Logan was fascinated with your shirt and hair yesterday! :) PS...I'm trying to rack my brain to figure out who it was..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Aww, I am sorry! I'm sure you're not scary; maybe her baby is just going through stranger anxiety, or maybe Mama was afraid of being a burden on you. I will generally let people I know hold my babies, but not if I don't know them. Also, at an event with food, I'd be less likely to let someone hold the baby, unless I knew them *very* well, because we have a history of allergies in the family and are super cautious about early foods. Not everyone is respectful of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsrevmeg Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I never let people at food related events hold my kids after my mother decided my son needed to "try" something. I can't remember what it was now. I had specifically told her NOT to feed him from the table. He was very small and we had some allergy issues already. She did. We spent the night with him crying from a stomach ache. The mother in question could have had a similar experience. It was probably not anything against you personally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I m so sorry this happened to you. I probably would not have let you hold my dd either. She was a preemie and her first year was a very long year as her immune system was very low. Now, if you had come to see me 7 tears earlier when my son was small, I would have considered it. He was healthy, and I would even let the waitress carry him to her tables in our favorite restaurant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalgirl Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I'd have let you. If the baby cried, I'd have taken her back, but I'd have been grateful and happy to have you ask. I think we've lost something valuable when we're afraid to let a nice, grandmotherly woman hold a baby an arm's length away. I've always shared my little ones with mamas craving a little baby snuggle. :iagree: ITA!! As a mom of a bunch of littles, I would've gladly let you hold my youngest so I could get a bite to eat. If the baby had stranger anxiety, I think a pleasant and short explanation of it to you would have been nice. Otherwise, I just don't get this fear so many moms have of letting someone who is sitting right next to you or in the same room hold your child for a bit, even if you do not know them. Yesterday, we were at a potluck for Easter and there were quite a few people there we didn't know. My 1.5 yr. old was passed around, tickled, whatnot. It is fun to see others enjoying my little kids. Lord knows there are enough people who DON'T like little ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I learned to loan my babies out early on when ,y mom took my newborn out of my arms and gave it to a 80 something year old woman who volunteered at the library. That woman's smile and sheer thankfulness -it's bringing tears to my eyes even now. So from then on I found the older ladies and always asked them if they wanted to hold my babies. I don't know what magic holding babies has, but it helps the soul. Yep. When my grandma had Alzheimer's, one of the only times we saw her relax was when she was holding one of my newborns. She would sit back in her chair and just hold that little bundle up to her shoulder for the longest time with a smile. It was beautiful. Could she have given them germs (or even dropped them)? Possibly. But I know God is faithful when I obey his call to love others, and it always went well. Older people need the ministry of touch, especially widows who were used to children and husband's hugs and kisses. Put you arm around them, hold their hand, and let them hold your babies/toddlers. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeaganS Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I never let strangers hold my babies, but that's mostly because all of my babies have hated strangers so far once they get past 3 months or so. They just cry when they get held by someone they don't know, so it is easier just to say no. If a stranger picks up my child, I usually just feel really uncomfortable until the baby cries enough and they put them down. Then I have to apologize for my rude baby. I just would rather avoid the whole thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I'm sorry. Maybe it was just a no stranger or I'll scream kind of baby. There was a mom with a handful of littles and a darling baby in her lap who hadn't been able to take a bite of her brunch. I offered to hold the baby right there at her table so she could eat. Nope. No way. No how. I guess I'm scary looking. I really needed a baby fix today.:crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 :grouphug: I wouldn't take it personally, although it does seem easy to do. I probably would. Perhaps she was severely sleep-deprived and even just the thought of such an offer, let alone the actual offer, dazed her a bit. ;) Maybe she wasn't feeling well? Or the baby? And, she didn't want to impose on anyone? Just trying to brainstorm for ideas. If that happens again, perhaps you could ask if she needs prayer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susie in SWVA Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 My daughter is expecting a baby any day now. Wanna come? She'll be glad to let you hold her baby. Susie in SWVA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 My babies were all very afraid of strangers from around 4 months or so. Even my current 21-month-old will not let a stranger hold her without completely freaking out. (LOL, her visiting uncles can't even look at her without her breaking into tears! I'm not exaggerating!) Honestly, what may appear to be an inconvenient situation (trying to hold a baby while eating) isn't half as bad as having a screaming baby who then takes quite some time to calm down. Might as well poke her with a sharp stick as let a stranger hold her. Add to that the significant public embarrassment that my baby isn't "well-behaved." So I'd have said no, too. I'm sorry, but it wasn't about you. On the germ angle, FWIW, it's still RSV season in most parts of the country (for an adult or older kid, that's "just a cold"). Though not all babies are equally susceptible, I've had two babies hospitalized for this, no fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 Oh don't be crushed. :grouphug: You made a decent offer. For whatever reason, the other person didn't accept Isn't that what's wonderful about a free society? One can choose to offer/not offer, and one can choose to refuse/not refuse, based upon our best interests at that moment. And gently, your need for a baby fix doesn't trump the mother having the ultimate authority in the situation. I spent a few sleepless nights with my dd raging after people picked her up unexpectedly and ignored her protests to be put down right now. It is just more work to have to argue with someone who doesn't listen to the child, and then possibly you, when you demand that they comply with your child's wishes to be released. And the raging and lack of sleep in the middle of the night really made me run interference up front so that the whole scenario didn't unfold any more.* None of those folks needing a baby fix were there when I was exhausted and miserable to my family the next day... *And because of that, I'm sure I missed some genuinely nice people's offers who would have reacted appropriately when my dd freaked. The risk/reward scenario was too skewed at that point...Ah, so glad those days are done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missiemick Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 A mother with a hand full of littles AND a baby -- I'm assuming there was no husband around. If that was me I'd be doing well just to manage the morning by myself. Maybe one more thing (stranger holding her baby) was just too much for her. If it was me, though, I'd think fondly of a church where people were willing to help me -- even if I wasn't able to accept it at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeekingSimplicity Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 When my kids were babies I didn't let anyone help. Mostly because I had so few offers to help that I didn't know how to accept the ones I did get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I have a lot of children and I have had a lot of little ones at one time and I do not let anyone hold my babies unless it is a very close friend or family member. I would not care that I could not get a bite to eat. Well as I reflect on my history as a mom...- that is not totally true(that I do not ever let people hold my babies)- but in that exact situation-I would most likely have acted the very same way... or maybe let an older church mom hold my baby- but still felt uncomfortable and weird. I do not enjoy other people wanting to "help" me in that way- especially when it is really about them. I.e.- they just want to hold a baby. It is totally not to offend the person. I am sincerely UNCOMFORTABLE with just anyone holding my babies and cuddling them, etc. We also have a child (now eight and a half) with severe, life threatening food allergies (since the time he was a wee baby) and that has very much altered my life experience and what I am comfortable with. Also- and this is said gently- I do not feel like my babies need to satisfy someone else's need for a "baby fix." I really don't. I have never looked upon other people to help me or meet my need that way when dealing with lots of young children. That is me... My husband and I tag team and work as a team together in all those situations. Also- women- especially older women can be so critical and possessive with other people's children- wanting you to feed them this, thinking you need to do that, holding them this way or whatever. I find it frustrating. I also do not like my babies smelling like someone else's perfume, clothes, etc! So- there is another perspective for you! But it certainly is NOT personal. From the others side...;) Rebecca Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted April 25, 2011 Author Share Posted April 25, 2011 I would never force myself on a mom or baby that didn't want to be held or didn't want help. Yesterday I just smiled and left. But I am very thankful for gracious mothers like MyBlueLobsters and AnotherLinda who have helped me through these hard years of no more babies and no grandchildren yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I hear you; my baby is almost 14. The mom is probably kicking herself for passing on your offer. I would never force myself on a mom or baby that didn't want to be held or didn't want help. Yesterday I just smiled and left. But I am very thankful for gracious mothers like MyBlueLobsters and AnotherLinda who have helped me through these hard years of no more babies and no grandchildren yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 With two of my kids, I probably would have let you assuming I knew something of you and you didn't look like a scary baby stealer :D But with my middle kid, she *screamed* if I handed her over to anyone else but DH or my mom. Though I would have at least explained that to you so as not to hurt your feelings! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I would never force myself on a mom or baby that didn't want to be held or didn't want help. Yesterday I just smiled and left. . :) You were also at church. I would think offering to help at your church is not quite the same as stalking someone with babies at Walmart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 :) You were also at church. I would think offering to help at your church is not quite the same as stalking someone with babies at Walmart. True, but some churches are HUGE. Attending the same church is no guarantee that they would recognize you at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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