Curious... What age do you consider "old" to

[BlsdMama]

be pregnant or have a new baby?

 

It's curious. My mom was considered "old" when she had my sister at 33. She told me a few months ago I might be getting too old for babies. :001_huh: The thought hadn't really occurred to me, especially as they seem to be coming CLOSER together now instead of further apart. (I heard fertility wasn't supposed to work that way.) Plus, frankly, I just don't feel like an "older" mom. Maybe a little bit experienced, but not "older" though my body definitely handles pregnancy differently now than when I was younger!

 

Many of MY friends from high school are just NOW starting their families and have toddlers, new babies, etc. Goodness, I'm only 34. It does feel odd that this baby and our oldest will be 15 years apart.

 

So when does someone *begin* to fall into that "older mama" category?

[Parrothead]

I think I'm too old now. I'm 44. But that is me personally. I have one half grown child and really don't want to start again. I'm getting to a point that I can do things on my own again.

 

Don't get me wrong. I would have loved to have had 5 or 6 or 9 kids but we have unspecified infertility. :confused: We were lucky to get one.

[JVA]

I think 35 is considered AMA- Advanced Maternal Age.

[3lilreds in NC]

Since I had Schmooey right after I turned 36, I don't think you're too old for babies. :)

 

People from our parents' generation have a different perspective on what an "older" mother is, I think. They were generally married younger and had their children younger that women do now; there weren't as many career options and such. My mom, for example, was married at 18 and had me at 22. I will say that everyone in her family thought she was pregnant - she's quite proud of having the record-setting gestational period of 4 years. :lol: My sister is nearly 6 years younger than I am, so she was born when my mom was 28. That's when I had my first child. (I'd have liked to have her sooner, but that is neither here nor there.)

 

My MIL said something similar about someone having babies over 30. If you were 34, just starting, and planning to have 10, I might question your sanity - but it's still up to you. At 34, having your 10th, I am not sure how else you would have done it!

 

Is she thinking you might not be able to have any more because you are "older," or that you should think about stopping now?

[Ginevra]

To me personally, it's 40+, but really I don't pay attention to it unless the mother was working against nature to have a baby.

 

I do know people though who think anything over 30 is too old. Or 35. I think if the body parts still work, it's not too old.

 

There are advantages to being a child born later in the parenting years, i.e., the parents usually have a better handle on what they're doing and why.

[Jennifer in MI]

I had my last at 35. I felt GREAT!!! AMA nothing!

 

But, I'm now 40. Dh is 45. I wouldn't necessarily feel old at this point, but, after a scare last month, my dh admitted that he would.

 

We have a woman at our church who had twins at 53!!!

[Eleni]

I think 35 is considered AMA- Advanced Maternal Age.

 

:001_huh: and :glare:

 

That is depressing.

I will be 35 in a few weeks and Im having a hard time with it. Dh and I toss around the idea of another child sometimes, which made me realize a few weeks ago that I don't have years of fertility ahead of me anymore. Our youngest is 7.

 

My mom had my brother when she was 42...

[Desert Rat]

For me, 40+. I'm turning 40 in a few months I feel too old for another at this point. Medically, I think 35 is when you start earning extra tests and more warnings.

[elegantlion]

I consider 40+ as well to be "older". I was 30 when ds was born. Dh was 37. For us it was the right age as I we have more patience being older parents.

[Lawana]

I consider 40+ to be old for having babies. I had dd at 37, and ds when I was just a few months shy of 40. That seemed to be old enough.:glare:

[LidiyaDawn]

Well, I'm 34 and having one in June, so I obviously don't find that "old". :laugh:

 

Most (maybe all, not sure about one) of the moms in our local homeschool group are actually older than me and I only have one friend who is younger - so I don't tend to feel 'old' in general anyway. :p

 

As for what's old? I don't know - and really, it ain't up to me. If someone feels like they can be a mom at [whatever], I say go for it.. it's your body, your family.

[Veritaserum]

Mid-40s and up.

[merry gardens]

be pregnant or have a new baby?

 

It's curious. My mom was considered "old" when she had my sister at 33. She told me a few months ago I might be getting too old for babies. :001_huh: The thought hadn't really occurred to me, especially as they seem to be coming CLOSER together now instead of further apart. (I heard fertility wasn't supposed to work that way.) Plus, frankly, I just don't feel like an "older" mom. Maybe a little bit experienced, but not "older" though my body definitely handles pregnancy differently now than when I was younger!

 

Many of MY friends from high school are just NOW starting their families and have toddlers, new babies, etc. Goodness, I'm only 34. It does feel odd that this baby and our oldest will be 15 years apart.

 

So when does someone *begin* to fall into that "older mama" category?

Past menopause is usually too old. :D Fertility and having babies are signs of youth. If you're young enough to get pregnant, you're young enough to have a baby.

[Haiku]

While I would certainly never want to be pregnant or have a baby at my age (late 30s), I don't really consider it "old" until about 40. My sister had a baby in September and turned 40 in December. I'd say she just slipped in under the "old" rope.

 

Tara

[dangermom]

By 42 it's getting tricky. But my MIL had her last at 42, I believe; my mom was 39 for her last. I would say that if you're trying to start at 42, there's a good chance you'll have a hard time because you're getting older.

[In2why]

When you have children younger then your grandchildren. :lol:

[lauracolumbus]

My limit was 45 which is the age my grandmother had my aunt. I had my last child at 41 and wanted another til I was about 44. I'm 48 and that seems ancient to have a baby. I know when I was 35 w/my first everyone thought that was ancient and of course looking back that seems rather young!

 

Laura

[mommymilkies]

I would say 45 simply because of the increased risks and the decreased chances of pregnancy.

Edited April 9, 2011 by mommymilkies

[Kalypso]

34 is still young for having babies, I think. I had my last at 40, and I have many friends in their late 30's and early 40's that are still having babies.

[indigomama]

I think it's definitely a personal decision. I wanted to be done, done, done by 30 and I will be:001_smile:.

I know a woman who started at 33 or 34 and had 8. She was a very active involved mama and she loved it.

[tricia]

I didn't stop having babies until they stopped coming. My youngest of 12 is a preschooler now and so far no more babies have arrived.:tongue_smilie: Sadly. I suppose I would consider too old to have babies when they simply stop coming!!

[ChristusG]

Personally, I'd rather not have babies after 35 or 36. I dont want to be elderly when my kids are grown.

[LisaKinVA]

Well, considering about 1/3 of my 42ish friends are preganant, or have just had a baby... it's not too old. I'm having serious baby pangs right now.

 

My baby is 2. I had just turned 40 before she was born. My mom didn't hit pre-menapause utnil she was 52, and it lasted :gulp: 8 years until the change was finally over.

 

I'm borderline...have a baby or not have a baby. Kinda hoping if it's meant to be, it will happen. (like #3 and #5). Our record for being on the wrong side of the "odds" is pretty good, apparently.

[WiseOwlKnits]

My mom was 38 when she had me and I've always thought that was really old. But, that was back in the 80s when having a child "late" wasn't nearly as common. People constantly confused her for my grandmother. She was always the oldest mom of my friends.

 

My kids have the opposite issue. I was 26 when DD was born, which I didn't think was that young but apparently is for our area... All of our children's friends are 5-10 years older than DH and I are. A couple of them with kids the same age as DD are old enough they could be MY parents (which doesn't bother me...don't get me wrong). It does make me sad though that most of the kids DD is friends with have made comments that they wish I was their mom because I'm young and active.

 

We're having #3 (a surprise) in October and this will definitely be our last. Mostly because I can't handle another Hyperemesis pregnancy. But partly because I feel like I'm getting near the point of being too old to be the type of parent I want to be when the child is 10, 12, 17.... (I'll be 33 next month.)

[UnsinkableKristen]

I think what we view as "old" keeps changing as our child bearing years are increased with medical science and societal norms.

[Heatherwith4]

Personally, I'd like to be done by 30. That means DH will be 39. We want some time to ourselves after the kids are grown. :)

I will say I am much more patient at 28 than I was at 23 when I had my first. ;)

[Danestress]

but I would say that anything over 60 is too old to have children still in my home.

 

I don't want to be planning a wedding at 65. I don't want to have DH retiring and having "boomerang" kid home for a year after college. I don't want to be up at midnight waiting for my teen to come home with the car when I am 60. I don't want to pay for college at 62. All of that seems just too old to me. I don't plan on being a really "old" 60 year old, either. My Mom didn't seem old at all at 60 - and I know 60 is the new "middle aged." But still, I want to enjoy those years in a different way that I am enjoying these years.

[In2why]

I think what we view as "old" keeps changing as our child bearing years are increased with medical science and societal norms.

 

I think so as well. A lot of it has to do with the shape you are in. I am in my mid 40's and I coach both of my boys soccer teams and play a mean game of Basketball. I think the only thing I won't do with the youngers that I did with the olders is ride RollerCoasters. I didn't like them then, but I rode them, now I won't for any reason because they make me feel sick.

[JVA]

I think 35 is considered AMA- Advanced Maternal Age.

 

 

I laughed when my OB told me that- since I was 39 , having our 5th. I have several friends who have had babies up into their 40's. Not a big deal, really.

[mom2scouts]

At one point in my life, I thought mid to late 30's was too old, but then I started having recurrent miscarriages and stillbirth. I ended up having my 4th son at age 38, followed by a stillbirth and then my dd at age 42. I'm a little less energetic than I was with my older children, but I love having young children at this age.

[Joanne]

I'll be 45 next week.

 

I think for me, that is too old.

 

However, I would have still felt comfortable in my early 40's.

 

35-40 would not even cross my radar as "advanced maternal age".

[amy g.]

I'm almost 45, and I really feel like I'm getting too old.

[SonshineLearner]

I think it's more of "why" you're having babies :) I can say that I appreciate that my mom can be a Grammy and not a "mom" to a lot of little kids right now. Of course, it's your own business... But, after around 15 or 20 yrs of having babies... it seems like at some point a person might reach "enough kids" versus being too old.

 

My parents were both born to their moms ... when their moms were about 45. So, I am glad that their moms had them :) Their fathers were both older than 45... Course, my g-pa died when my mom was 15... and I loved my g-ma... but essentially I didn't really have grandparents. (My g-ma lived till I was 13... after being really sick for a while... so I had a g-ma long distance... till I was that age..)

 

:)

[Scuff]

I'm 34 and it's just starting to sink in that I'm not young anymore. Seems kinda crazy that I have a 10yo or that my friends when I was a teenager have teenagers. Doesn't seem like that should be possible. So 34 can't be too old. It wasn't that long ago we were kids ourselves, right....

[journeytolily]

I started very late. Our kids were adopted, and our first one was born when I was 40. I will be turning 50 this month (OMG, did I just type that???), and we have a 9 yr old, a 7 yr old, and a 2 yr old. We are also working on our fourth, and last, adoption right now. Did I ever imagine that I would be "having" babies when I was 50? No. But I feel young, and my DH and I are very active with our kids. We love being parents, and we love having a large family.

 

Really, I would say over 40 is an "older" mother. But there are tons of older mothers these days, so I have plenty of company!

 

Veronica

[Hannah C.]

When you have children younger then your grandchildren. :lol:

 

:iagree: :lol:

 

But just because you're an "old" mom doesn't mean you're too old. :D

[pbt1294]

I just had my 6th at 35. I don't feel old and my kiddos see me as young. I have people ask me two questions all the time.

 

1. Are all of these yours?

 

And

 

2. How old are you???

 

I feel like I have to prove that I wasn't a pregnant teen (not that it is really any of their business). I say, well the first one came when I was 23, so I was old enough. I just try to take it as a complement. :001_smile:

 

Wow, I have never thought about being "too" old to have kiddos until this thread. I just figured when God shut the factory down we'd be done! LOL!!!!

[Gailmegan]

I didn't start having kids until I was 30. Had #3 right before I turned 38. I'm 40 and would love another one.

[kchara]

I think that when you hit menopause (assuming it's natural, and not induced by a hysterectomy or something), it's probably getting time to stop having children.

 

OTOH... I have a half-sister who's in between my first and second kids in age. Dad seems to do fine.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm 47 and would love another one. We're not trying or anything like that. I know that if I got pregnant it would set off all sorts of alarm bells at the OB/GYN's office due to "Advanced Maternal Age".

[Tap]

My father was 47 when I was born. He had a 2yo grandchild. He died when I was 29, he was 75. When I was 22, my husband-to-be and I moved in to his house to nurse him through cancer. My dad retired when I was still living at home. From my 21-30yo, I didn't have a father, he was a physically sick-depressed man. I only knew him for a couple of years as an adult. I would have like to have had more. Everyone in his family lived into their 90s as vital, active people...he thought he was fine having a child at 47.

 

One of the things that was hard for me, was hearing all the stories about my dad and how he used to take my siblings to do things. Swimming, camping, etc. He was very active with them. He was tired when I was old enough to do those things. My memories of my dad are similar to my memories of my grandmother. Sitting around talking about the olden days, and the things they used to do.

 

 

 

Due to my experience, I personally wouldn't have a child in my late 30s. I DO NOT in ANY WAY, begrudge people who do. Everyone has a different path. I would not encourage a parent over 45yo. Ds16 was born when I was 22 (younger than even I had planned :tongue_smilie: ) and dd12 when I was 26. Dd4 was an unexpected adoption (we thought we were just fostering her LOL), and she was born when I was 36.

 

Having children later in life isn't looked down on in my family, but we are just a family who have families young. Maybe that is why we are largely uneducated LOLLOL

 

This is probably only interesting to me: of my 9 siblings and dh's 2 siblings...none of us gave birth after 30yo (almost all were under 25). My 2 nieces who have also given birth, have 3 children each, all born before they were 25yo. Young moms/dads run in our family. We have had several moms under 15-16yo with babies in my immediate family.

 

ETA: I don't think age has anything to do with having babies, in the sense that any certain age is too old to have a baby. My experience is that of an adult daughter whose parent was fine at 47 to father a child, tired at 57, ill at 67, and dead at 75.

Edited April 9, 2011 by Tap, tap, tap

[Tabrett]

I had my first at 22-that, IMHO was really, really young!

 

I had my last at 36. I didn't feel old at all. I am almost 40. Although I am done, I don't feel like I am too old. I would say mid 40's.

 

I when I was pregnant with my last dc, I was was told I was maternally old. I thought it was quite funny!

 

I think having a baby's between 30-40 is very normal.

Edited April 9, 2011 by Tabrett

[Pretty in Pink]

I'd say 40+ is older in terms of having babies. Of course, I just turned 30 and my mom told me that I was too old to still be having babies when we told her about this pregnancy. :001_huh: I have friends who haven't even started their families yet, and those who are just starting.

 

My mom was 28 when she had her last baby.

[Mommyfaithe]

be pregnant or have a new baby?

 

It's curious. My mom was considered "old" when she had my sister at 33. She told me a few months ago I might be getting too old for babies. :001_huh: The thought hadn't really occurred to me, especially as they seem to be coming CLOSER together now instead of further apart. (I heard fertility wasn't supposed to work that way.) Plus, frankly, I just don't feel like an "older" mom. Maybe a little bit experienced, but not "older" though my body definitely handles pregnancy differently now than when I was younger!

 

Many of MY friends from high school are just NOW starting their families and have toddlers, new babies, etc. Goodness, I'm only 34. It does feel odd that this baby and our oldest will be 15 years apart.

 

So when does someone *begin* to fall into that "older mama" category?

 

My oldest and youngest are 18 years apart in age. I think it is old to have a baby after 45. I was almost 40, but also very I'll the past 8 years.....so we stopped having babies with my last. :-(

 

Faithe

[Peela]

It seem "young" nowadays to have kids in your early twenties- as if you shoudl wait till you are more mature, had more life experiences etc- but really, you are at your fertile peak then. Dh's mum had hi, when she was 21, my um had me when she was 21, and her mum had her when she was 21- it was normal back then to start young.

I am 43 and if I got pregnant (not happening ) I would consider myself an older mum, for sure. But now that i am here- I think being an older mum would really have some advantages. I like myself nowadays :)

I had my 2 in my late twenties and that was probably ideal for me. But most people I know who have kids similar ages to mine, are older than me, and had their kids through their thirties. I feel like a "young" mum of teenagers and am often told I look too young to have teenagers, but I think it is all relative.

[Guest momk2000]

I was 35 when I had my first, you have plenty of time yet. :)

[JFSinIL]

My mom was the oldest of her group of friends to have her first - at age 25!!!!

I didn't have my first until I was 32...had the last the month before I turned 37.

 

You are not too old.

[Mrs.MacGyver]

DH and I laughed so hard during my last pregnancy at 35 and the doc actually wrote down the words "ELDERLY PREGNANCY." :confused: really?? Can we at least stick to the regular medical terminology?

 

And, I am 38 and pregnant right now... I still feel as young and excited as I did with the first one. Do whatever you and your hubby feel is right...:D

[Maverick_Mom]

I didn't stop having babies until they stopped coming. My youngest of 12 is a preschooler now and so far no more babies have arrived.:tongue_smilie: Sadly. I suppose I would consider too old to have babies when they simply stop coming!!

 

This describes me, too.

[cjbeach]

I had my first at 30, last at 35, and now at 40 I *FEEL* too old to go through another pregnancy. I'd love another baby, but not another pregnancy, kwim?