A Public School Teacher Confronted Me

[TXMary2]

Last night at my 7 yo ds's baseball game I was "confronted" by a public school teacher. She happens to be one of the moms from the team.

 

I usually bring something to read during the time leading up to the game or during practices. When the game starts, I put it away. So, as usual I was perusing something (the RSO download I printed out) and I was taking a highlighter to it.

 

This mom is kind of obnoxious. Basically, you can't miss her. She rather loudly and with disgust in her voice and on her face asked me, "Are you always studying?" Before I could get my answer out she said, "It's because you homeschool right? Can I just ask WHY you would do that?"

 

Wow. She said it right there in the bleachers and suddenly all eyes were on us. I paused and didn't answer right away because I didn't want to lower myself to her level. I think I said, "Because I don't really care for the public education system. It's nothing against teachers, I just think the system is broken. I am the parent and I decide what my children will be taught."

 

She glared at me and said, "It's just a lot of work for you. I don't know why you would want to do that. You are better than me." And then she rolled her eyes and turned away. Really? I have two kids I am teaching. She is a 5th grade teacher with what - 20-25 students? Am I supposed to believe she is really concerned about how much work it is for me? If she were honest, like her tone suggested, she would have just said she doesn't think parents are qualified to teach.

 

I thought of so many things I could have said afterward, but they were all snarky. This was only the first game and now there is tension with this person. I couldn't believe how rude she was. My friend, whose son is also on the team, wasn't there. She homeschools too - so I feel like if she were there with me this teacher wouldn't have said anything because it would have been two to one.

 

I shouldn't care, but now I feel self conscious about bringing stuff to read or work on before the game. Then the fighter in me feels like bringing my copy of "The Harsh Truth About Public Schools." LOL

Edited March 29, 2011 by TXMary2

[lionfamily1999]

You're better than me too :lol:

 

I'd have sunk to her level.

[SailorMom]

It sure would have felt good to say more - but what you did say was perfect, and made you certainly look more mature than her :)

[SweetMissMagnolia]

ugh hate it when people act like that....I would have probably been snarky too lol-- :D your response was appropriate--I'm like you,in after thought I can always think of nice little come-backs that slip my mind during the confrontation...... :grouphug:

[KnitWit]

BTDT too. I had an AP English teacher take me to task when a relative mentioned that I homeschooled. She ranted about how I was going to *cripple* my children when it came time to take the SAT/ACT and then they will have issues with college English.

 

I just listened until she was done and let everyone give her the big *hurrah* and then I told her that she need not worry. My eldest earned a 32 on the ACT, was a National Merit Finalist and earned perfect scores in English on both tests which put her in Advanced Freshman English in college, WHICH she completed LAST semester with a perfect A.

 

Then, I put another bite of food in my mouth.

 

**rolling my eyes**

[MrsMe]

You're better than me too :lol:

 

I'd have sunk to her level.

 

OMG! This is too funny. I totally agree!

 

And FWIW, I'd keep bringing your work AND I'd bring the Harsh Book About Public Schools in addition, if even just only to use as a hard surface to write on. Good book!

[J-rap]

***

Edited February 19, 2023 by J-rap

[KnitWit]

Yes, stare at her, then cock your head sideways...like Scooby-Doo when he says "Huh?"

[Kalmia]

Don't let her rudeness stop you from using your time wisely. Bring all the books you want and highlight away! If she is snide again, put on your most angelic face and tell her that you love learning and the work isn't a burden to you at all, in fact, you find it fun.

 

Rest assured, unhappy people or those who have self-doubt often act contemptuous toward those who demonstrate the qualities they most wish they possessed. Feel sorry for her. Who would want to live a life filled with ugly feelings?

[tammyw]

I'm kind of surprised at her "I could never do it" even though SHE herself is a teacher. You're teaching two students, and she's obviously teaching a lot more. Is she saying she could only ever do all that work if she was being paid?

 

FWIW, I would have been sugary sweet also. No need to confront someone who's obviously not going to back down. You did the right thing. I just wouldn't let it change how you behave with "studying" and reading :001_smile:

 

Although, like you, I might be tempted to read Dumbing Us Down next practice.

[UnsinkableKristen]

BTDT too. I had an AP English teacher take me to task when a relative mentioned that I homeschooled. She ranted about how I was going to *cripple* my children when it came time to take the SAT/ACT and then they will have issues with college English.

 

I just listened until she was done and let everyone give her the big *hurrah* and then I told her that she need not worry. My eldest earned a 32 on the ACT, was a National Merit Finalist and earned perfect scores in English on both tests which put her in Advanced Freshman English in college, WHICH she completed LAST semester with a perfect A.

 

Then, I put another bite of food in my mouth.

 

**rolling my eyes**

 

 

I would have paid good money to watch this go down :lol:

[MrsMe]

On another note, I'd tell her that "Because I just LOVE it!:D:D

[melissel]

It sure would have felt good to say more - but what you did say was perfect, and made you certainly look more mature than her :)

 

:iagree: My first response would have been, "No, actually, you can't!" You definitely came off better than she did. What a psycho!

[Nicole M]

On another note, I'd tell her that "Because I just LOVE it!:D:D

 

Yeah. That woman is in a lot of pain, and lashing out at the OP. Or else she's just super insecure. Or who knows what? I never make it about public schools when I'm asked. Once a very obnoxious professor of German asked me why I homeschool. I said, sinking to his level quite beautifully, "Because I'm ****in' good at it." The f-bomb is very effective in shutting people up.

 

If I had to deal with that woman on a regular basis, I would make, "It's not about you" my mantra. First word out of her mouth, "It's not about you." What a jerk.

Edited March 29, 2011 by Nicole M

[nono]

My 2 cents:

 

Pretend it never happened. Just keep doing what you are doing. You handled the situation perfectly. Let it go, and certainly don't let it change your behavior!

 

Well done!

[Harriet Vane]

My 2 cents:

 

Pretend it never happened. Just keep doing what you are doing. You handled the situation perfectly. Let it go, and certainly don't let it change your behavior!

 

Well done!

 

:iagree:

[LG Gone Wild]

Yeah. That woman is in a lot of pain, and lashing out at the OP. Or else she's just super insecure. Or who knows what? I never make it about public schools when I'm asked. Once a very obnoxious professor of German asked me why I homeschool. I said, sinking to his level quite beautifully, "Because I'm ****in' good at it."

 

Yeah, this is response is more my style.

 

To the OP, that person is a loon and since you have to interact for awhile with that person, you were right on with your reaction. You were demonstrating to others on how to be civilized.

[TXMary2]

BTDT too. I had an AP English teacher take me to task when a relative mentioned that I homeschooled. She ranted about how I was going to *cripple* my children when it came time to take the SAT/ACT and then they will have issues with college English.

 

I just listened until she was done and let everyone give her the big *hurrah* and then I told her that she need not worry. My eldest earned a 32 on the ACT, was a National Merit Finalist and earned perfect scores in English on both tests which put her in Advanced Freshman English in college, WHICH she completed LAST semester with a perfect A.

 

Then, I put another bite of food in my mouth.

 

**rolling my eyes**

 

I was looking for the LIKE button for this! I love it.

[SweetBean]

Maybe she just wanted to make start a conversation, but is too awkward to know how to generate a thoughtful discussion.

[amey311]

You could blandly look at her and mention that "this is my planning period" or something :)

[Nicole M]

You could blandly look at her and mention that "this is my planning period" or something :)

 

:D

[ChristusG]

Ummmm.....wow. The nerve of that lady! Some people really just have no tact. And to think that rude woman is influencing a group of children in a classroom.

 

Yes, next week I would TOTALLY bring a book with a "snarky" title and read it....and make sure to hold it at an angle where she can read the title.

[Parrothead]

I would have paid good money to watch this go down :lol:

I would have also.

[newday]

Your reply sounds perfect. :thumbsup

[Jean in Newcastle]

You did just fine.

 

I'm afraid that I would have blinked at her comment about not wanting to do all that work. And I would have sunk to her level by saying "I did just as much work preparing to teach other people's children. I guess you are one of THOSE teachers who doesn't." :glare: (I know a lot of teachers and there is definitely a huge difference between those who go and put in their time and those who really care about teaching the kids.)

[FaithManor]

Refuse to engage in defending yourself. Cock your head to the side, put your hands on your hips, stare her in the eyes, wait a second or two, and then say, "Wow. You don't really have any sense of propriety or manners. Is this the kind of inappropriate social behavior you role model to your class?"

 

That will shut her up. If she approaches you again, say, "This is not something I will discuss with you. Please do not approach me again."

 

95% of obnoxious individuals will take the hint. If she is in the 5% of truly, obsessively, opinionated and can't keep it to themselves no matter how many times they embarass themselves, then you'll have to do something truly appalling like sneeze into your hand, wipe it on your jeans, swipe your nose, and then offer a handshake.

 

Faith

[CAMom]

Sorry...was just meaning to...well, nevermind...didn't mean to make anyone feel bad. :(

Edited March 29, 2011 by CAMom

[Nicole M]

Refuse to engage in defending yourself. Cock your head to the side, put your hands on your hips, stare her in the eyes, wait a second or two, and then say, "Wow. You don't really have any sense of propriety or manners. Is this the kind of inappropriate social behavior you role model to your class?"

 

That will shut her up. If she approaches you again, say, "This is not something I will discuss with you. Please do not approach me again."

 

95% of obnoxious individuals will take the hint. If she is in the 5% of truly, obsessively, opinionated and can't keep it to themselves no matter how many times they embarass themselves, then you'll have to do something truly appalling like sneeze into your hand, wipe it on your jeans, swipe your nose, and then offer a handshake.

 

Faith

 

Ding, ding! This is what I was trying to get at, but it's still early here, and I need more coffee. Do not engage!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Just a note that the zingers from people with phenomenal scores to share are great if your kids have them, but not every wonderful homeschooling parent will get those results because our kids have varying skills, learning levels and abilities.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I wouldn't let this person make me feel bad about using my time before a game or practice to my benefit. It sounds like the woman was sensitive to the idea that you were putting in extra work on behalf of your "class". Maybe she isn't. Maybe she's just annoyed that she can't get the parents of her kids to even come to teacher conferences or see that the kids have done homework. You probably don't know what is going on behind the scenes for her.

 

Just pretend that it didn't happen. People who are caustic tend to be recognized as such. FWIW, I never really mentioned homeschooling with my kids' last soccer team. About half way through the season I had two moms pumping me about info on homeschooling because they were so unhappy with the local school.

[myfunnybunch]

Rest assured, unhappy people or those who have self-doubt often act contemptuous toward those who demonstrate the qualities they most wish they possessed. Feel sorry for her. Who would want to live a life filled with ugly feelings?

 

Yep, this.

 

Don't let her change what you do one little bit. :grouphug:

 

Cat

[Jennifer3141]

OP, you did an awesome job!

 

One thing I have done when confronted by someone obnoxious like this is say something like, "You know, I just don't talk about my education/parenting discussions in casual settings with people I'm not close friends with."

 

I'm not going to get into what I think is wrong with institutional learning in our society when I'm out and about. Now if you want to have a thoughtsfull discussion over lunch with wine and bread, I'm there. But at a basketball game? Nope.

 

I did this for extended breastfeeding, cosleeping, etc. etc. whenever some nosy, obnoxious person butted in. It worked great with a dork cousin I see every 10 years or so decided to "confront" me at a family wedding when I nursed my 3 month old son.

[amey311]

Oh - another simple one is "Thanks for letting me know."

 

A friend used to say this to her kids and I started doing it with mine when they want to tell you something (often over and over and over) and it's the kind of thing that doesn't really warrant a response other than "Okay" but the child isn't content with just "okay."

 

My younger son is slowly turning into Cliff Clavin - reading loads of non-fiction and then reciting the facts to us. "Thanks for letting me know" is a wonderful response (and kinder than "Dear child, I completely do not care what the top speed of the Murcialago is. Honest.")

[Lisa R.]

BTDT too. I had an AP English teacher take me to task when a relative mentioned that I homeschooled. She ranted about how I was going to *cripple* my children when it came time to take the SAT/ACT and then they will have issues with college English.

 

I just listened until she was done and let everyone give her the big *hurrah* and then I told her that she need not worry. My eldest earned a 32 on the ACT, was a National Merit Finalist and earned perfect scores in English on both tests which put her in Advanced Freshman English in college, WHICH she completed LAST semester with a perfect A.

 

Then, I put another bite of food in my mouth.

 

**rolling my eyes**

 

Wow. That is classic. Just classic. Well done. A calm, quiet response like this has a huge impact. If you'd gotten all huffy and defensive, you would've lowered yourself to their level. Excellent job! (That is for you *and* your daughter.)

[pdalley]

You did a great job.

 

I would like to say stuff like:

 

'Excuse me - you're interrupting my parent/teacher conference'

 

or

 

'Pardon me, but you're interrupting my planning period.'

 

But I would have probably snarkily said 'Uhm defensive much?'

 

And I would probably take my copy of Gatto's 'Dumbing Us Down' to read the next time.

 

But I'm passive aggressive that way.

[Pink Fairy]

I think you did a nice job. :grouphug:

 

Next time she approaches you, if you aren't feeling confrontational, you can just reply, "Why are you asking?" Then a, "Hmmm, I see." Followed by silence. Of course, if she's too dense to take the hint, I'd be tempted to use Nicole M's reply.

 

What an @sshat. But on a positive note, she's not doing public education any favors with her little hissy fit. She makes homeschooling look gooooooood.

[KellyKelley]

You are better than me. I would have told her that I homeschooled so that my kids didn't get taught by judgemental closed minded people like her and I would totally take that book with me to all practices and games until she said something about it. I have become a lot more confrontational since I started taking martial arts though because I am tired of people trying to make me feel bad for doing what is best for MY family instead of following the herd.

[Princess Peach]

BTDT too. I had an AP English teacher take me to task when a relative mentioned that I homeschooled. She ranted about how I was going to *cripple* my children when it came time to take the SAT/ACT and then they will have issues with college English.

 

I just listened until she was done and let everyone give her the big *hurrah* and then I told her that she need not worry. My eldest earned a 32 on the ACT, was a National Merit Finalist and earned perfect scores in English on both tests which put her in Advanced Freshman English in college, WHICH she completed LAST semester with a perfect A.

 

Then, I put another bite of food in my mouth.

 

**rolling my eyes**

 

Love it!

[merry gardens]

'Excuse me - you're interrupting my parent/teacher conference'.

:lol:

[Rivka]

Yikes. I've always liked Miss Manners' suggestion of "It's so kind of you to take an interest. Delivered unsmilingly, and with a level stare, it should get your point across.

[AuntieM]

I just listened until she was done and let everyone give her the big *hurrah* and then I told her that she need not worry. My eldest earned a 32 on the ACT, was a National Merit Finalist and earned perfect scores in English on both tests which put her in Advanced Freshman English in college, WHICH she completed LAST semester with a perfect A.

 

Then, I put another bite of food in my mouth.

 

**rolling my eyes**

 

All the blood, sweat and tears of 12+ years of homeschooling would be worth it for the opportunity to deliver a line like that at the proper time and place. Glad you earned your chance.

[TXMary2]

You all have some great and funny replies!! I think at the next game I might wear my "Proud Homeschool Mom" t-shirt. :D

[astrid]

I'm kind of surprised at her "I could never do it" even though SHE herself is a teacher. You're teaching two students, and she's obviously teaching a lot more. Is she saying she could only ever do all that work if she was being paid?.

 

She's a parent of a kid on the team, who also happens to be a teacher, correct? Given that background, I'd assume that she meant she couldn't homeschool her OWN kids. Don't we hear that all the time from other parents, regardless of their profession (or lack thereof?)

 

I don't interpret her comments to mean that she'd only teach anyone anything for pay. She was just a parent speaking to another parent.

 

astrid

[Jyniffrec]

What I don't understand is why she has a problem with people who study outside of school. :confused: Isn't it ideal that everyone is always improving themselves and learning in whatever profession they are in?

[Ellie]

It sure would have felt good to say more - but what you did say was perfect, and made you certainly look more mature than her :)

:iagree:

 

Miss Manners does not allow you to be rude back, but she points out that by *not* replying in kind you are actually allowing the rude person to realize he has been rude (or at least that he has done something wrong, even if he can't figure out what).

 

An open-mouthed stare is a good tool in one's arsenal, too.

 

Next time, you should bring an armful of books to "study.":D

[tammyw]

She's a parent of a kid on the team, who also happens to be a teacher, correct? Given that background, I'd assume that she meant she couldn't homeschool her OWN kids. Don't we hear that all the time from other parents, regardless of their profession (or lack thereof?)

 

I don't interpret her comments to mean that she'd only teach anyone anything for pay. She was just a parent speaking to another parent.

 

astrid

 

I realize all of this. I was responding to the comment "It's just a lot of work for you. I don't know why you would want to do that. You are better than me." I would assume it's a lot of work to teach 25 students - why would she want to do that? I'm also wondering why it would be considered so much easier to teach 25 random kids rather than two of your own? Anyway, that was just my observation.

[DawnM]

I probably would have started with, "Well, the correct sentence would be, 'You are better than I am', not than me. These are the kinds of errors we find trained school teachers teaching our children, and we just simply cannot allow that." :lol::lol::lol:

 

I rarely have to deal with those kinds of issues because they tend to stop talking after they find out I taught high school for 17 years. I DO NOT think that is my qualification to teach at home by any stretch, but it seems to appease the general population.

 

Dawn

 

She glared at me and said, "It's just a lot of work for you. I don't know why you would want to do that. You are better than me." And then she rolled her eyes and turned away. Really? LOL

[lionfamily1999]

If I had to deal with that woman on a regular basis, I would make, "It's not about you" my mantra. First word out of her mouth, "It's not about you." What a jerk.

Oh, if you delivered that with a mock therapist sympathetic head tilt and hand pat it would be priceless.

You did just fine.

 

I'm afraid that I would have blinked at her comment about not wanting to do all that work. And I would have sunk to her level by saying "I did just as much work preparing to teach other people's children. I guess you are one of THOSE teachers who doesn't." :glare: (I know a lot of teachers and there is definitely a huge difference between those who go and put in their time and those who really care about teaching the kids.)

This one too. "Oh, you're one of those teachers." Then move away quickly (like she's got something you may catch) :lol: Follow up with a fake whisper conference with your son and some obvious pointing back at her. Not really, but it WOULD be funny.

 

Like I said, sink sank sunk, right to her level if it was me :p

"Are you always studying?" Before I could get my answer out she said, "It's because you homeschool right? Can I just ask WHY you would do that?"

Because of teachers like you. :glare:

 

Although the responses above are great too ;)

[Ohdanigirl]

:grouphug:

 

I am sorry you had to go through this. Some people are just so rude. I feel sorry for the 25-30+ children she has locked up with her all day. If she treats other adults this way, how does she treat her students?

 

It s great that you did not sink to her level. You showed much more class.

 

Danielle

[astrid]

I get that; I guess I just took it more as, "oh, I couldn't take on all that extra work at home; I could never homeschool my kids," the kind of thing I hear a lot at ball games from parents of public schooled kids. I hear this a lot because I don't live in an area with a lot of homeschoolers, so the fact that we homeschool is often met with that kind of comment.

 

astrid