Poll: Have you turned into your mother?

[*anj*]

I was just thinking about this today. I found myself typing something and when I went back and read it I realized that it sounded just like my mother. And not in a good way. :confused:

 

I love my mom dearly, and there are some ways that I don't mind being like her, but there are quite a few others that I'd prefer not to. I know we all have things like that, so I thought that a poll would be a fun way to start the conversation.

[Amy in Orlando]

Ummm ... slowly, but surely, yes. In fact my mom and I laugh about it. I remember being about 16 (my oldest's age) and listening to my mom lamenting the fact that she was turning into my grandmother. Nearly 30 years later, her transformation is complete and mine is well underway. In fact, I've found myself grabbing at the air to take certain phrases and words "back" into my mouth. This doesn't work.

[gardenschooler]

Well, maybe.

 

My mother talks in circles. (But she's sweet, so we try to overlook it). She'll start talking about one thing, stop, start another, then another, then go back to the first topic, and expect you to keep up. If you wanted to interject something about topic 1 or topic 2, well, try to catch her on the next go-around!

 

My kids have recently pointed out that I do the same thing, but it's not the same. I just talk to 4 people at once, like this, "You need to set the table...did you finish your math? Oh, you're home. Get in the bathtub!"

 

And they say, "Who me?" But I figure they should know who I'm talking to - the bath for the person that has already been told, the hi to the person that just came home, the one who needed to finish her math, and so on. It's not that hard to keep up. Just stay alert.

 

My kids also say I stop in mid-sentence a lot. They claim I'll say, "So, did you ever....." and then completely forget that I was even talking. I just have to stop and think sometimes.

 

Actually, my mother is starting to seem like the sane one. :lol:

[Unicorn.]

I voted "purposefully try not to be", and other. Why other? Because while trying so hard not to be my mother, I turned into.......... my father! Waaaaaaa!

 

Now I'm realizing I should have tried to be more like her in some ways. Oh well, we are who we are!

[Peela]

I have just said farewell to my mother after she has visited for 2 days on her way somewhere else- I hadnt seen her for 2.5 years before that. We live on opposite sides of the country.

The parts of my mother that I am aware I have in common are mostly the good parts. She has a love of nature, of art and crafts, of living a relaxed and natural lifestyle surrounded by beautiful things. She is not a control freak, or a nagger, she doesnt criticise me or my housecleaning, she gives me compliments and expresses fondness and appreciation. She loves our homeschooling.

Maybe the part of her I absorbed and have had to fight over the years is a tendency to low self worth. She has grown a lot though, and I certainly have, too. She used to have a tendency to sacrifice herself for others and then get upset, angry, resentful, if they didnt appreciate her. Pretty human, but caused her a lot of suffering over the years. She has a partner now who appreciates her dearly.

I dont feel the need to not be like her- I admire her in many ways- but I have certainly done a lot of therapy over the years and worked on myself to let go of residual resentment toward her for a very, very rough teenagehood. She was a young mother, and dad left her when I was 13- horrible for me, but I was a kid and didn't appreciate how horrible it was for her too. She also had strong beliefs about her children needing to be independent and free- which had a dark side of me never quite feeling loved and secure as she encouraged my independence and discouraged my neediness as a child. Probably why I was attracted to attachment parenting for my own children.

Lots of water under the bridge. I love her to bits, no problems with her, but we live our own lives and just stay connected and appreciative of each other as adult women. We certainly don't have an unhealthy or neurotic relationship.

[dangermom]

I am very like my mom, which gives my husband and dad no end of amusement. We have similar interests and we sound very alike. But my sense of humor --and my looks-- come from my dad, and I think I'm more relaxed than my mom in some ways.

 

I find myself sounding like my mom, and that's pretty much OK, but I certainly don't try.

[Audrey]

I actively try to be like my mother. She was an amazing woman -- incredibly strong, free-spirited, loving, nurturing, intelligent, patient, creative, funny. I could go on and on...

 

IMO, she was the absolute best mom a kid could have ever wanted... ever! Period! No matter what, she was always there for us. She was our biggest fan, our most trusted confidante.

 

No one on this planet ever had a mom as wonderful as my mom! ;) I think that if I can be even half as good a mother as she was, then I'll be a fantastic mom.

[Snickerdoodle]

I want to be like Audrey's mom but occasionally my mother comes out of my mouth and it's usually not my best moments. There's a bit of pain and irony there though, for me, considering she passed away ten years ago before I had kids.

[crazycoffeechic]

I actively try to be like my mother. She was an amazing woman -- incredibly strong, free-spirited, loving, nurturing, intelligent, patient, creative, funny. I could go on and on...

 

IMO, she was the absolute best mom a kid could have ever wanted... ever! Period! No matter what, she was always there for us. She was our biggest fan, our most trusted confidante.

 

No one on this planet ever had a mom as wonderful as my mom! ;) I think that if I can be even half as good a mother as she was, then I'll be a fantastic mom.

 

:iagree: Audrey, you took the words right out of my mouth! She was my best friend, she was there for everyone, you didn't hear her complaining one time. Even when she was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer, she never complained, she was always worrying about us, never about herself. When she died, I lost the best friend I'd ever had. So I would be honored if I acted or sounded anything like my mom.

[JFSinIL]

Why would I try and be like a self-centered, self-involved, conceited...you get the picture. My poor sister still lives in the same state as Mom.....

[Susan in IL]

My mom has been gone for 4 years. Sometimes I think I say things she did and sometimes I act like she did. Some of those are good, some are not so good. I do try to not talk or act like her.

[Jenny in Atl]

In some ways, I am like my mom and in others not. I do find it sad that recently I have drifted from her, as I have become a stronger person in my own right. She was my one true friend as a child, at least I saw her that way; I was the odd one at school who actually liked my parents. But, as an adult, I now see how damaged both my parents are.

 

I still love my mom, but I don't wish to be like her. She was and is still a good mom, very talented (an artist), giving, and caring - still I hope, in the end, to be "there" in the moment more for my kids, then she was for me.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I'm turning into my father, Lol.

 

My mother and I are very different in most ways. The way in which we are both alike is in the amount of worrying we do. I hate it that I do this and try very hard not to.

[asher]

My mom is an amazing woman, but she was VERY critical of me while I was growing up (still is to some extent). She is also very high strung. So, while I admire her strength and her dignity, I hope that I'm not as hard on my kids. Too, I hope I'm not that high strung. :tongue_smilie:

[unity]

I am so unlike my mother that my husband has asked me if I am adopted. Other than some physical similarities, we have very little in common, and very few mannerisms or personality aspects in common.

 

Funny enough, I was not actually raised by her. My grandmother raised me from age 5 up, so in a sense you could say I was "adopted." Grandma has some real issues (personality-wise and worldview-wise) so I made a real effort starting around age 11 *not* to emulate her. By now it's second-nature and I'm not much like her, either.

 

However I have a LOT of behaviors in common with my husband, who has been the major influence on my life since I was 14. Fortunately, that is usually a good thing. :-)

[lynn]

I swear I channel my mother sometimes and it's not a pretty sight:confused:

[Danestress]

Obviously since I am a woman, I have certain things in common with my mother and not with my father. But as far as basic personality and temperment, I am probably more like my father - in good ways and bad. There are times when I am parenting and I have a tangible sensation of being my mother - there are certain things I do very much the way she did - some on purpose and some despite my best efforts not to. There are also a lot of really odd little things in common that we share. And sometimes we meet and are wearing the same outfit. I mean the exact same outfit - more than once. One time we went to the movies and it was winter and when we took off our overcoats, we were wearing precisely the same pants and sweaters from Talbots - we looked ridiculous.

 

But just as far as making people laugh with the whole "apple/tree" thing in terms of personality, I really think they are more seeing my father in me.

[Mamagistra]

I'd like to be more like my mom. She is the most joyous and patient person I know.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

but, I couldn't be more different from her if I tried! I'm more like my dad. My mom and I are really close and I think that if we were more alike, we maybe wouldn't be. But, if I had some of her characteristics, I'd be honored.

[Elaine]

That poll made me sad. I absolutely adore my mother and can only hope to be half the mom she was. Was she perfect? Far from it, but I knew that I was loved and cherished and treated with kindness and respect.

 

I am sorry for all of you girls that didn't have that, I truly am.:grouphug:

[Tammyla]

My mom lives so many miles away.:sad: I think she is awesome and find it amusing when she pops out in me.

[mamalotsoftots]

I voted amused when I find myself doing something just like her.

My mother is a strange woman I believe she wanted to be a good mom she just didn't know how. So, while they protected us they didn't know what to do with us.

Most of my parenting is direct opposite of what she did. I want my children to be close to me and DH, not feel alone, and definately know that they mean more to me than outside people and things. *sigh* bittersweet memories

[Hannah]

I remember my mother for her joyousness, unconditional love for my sisters and I, unwaivering support, wisdom, independence, creativity, fantastic sense of humour, loyalty to her family and friends and absolutely living by the maxim that "if you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all". She was always positive and upbeat about life - even when she was very ill.

 

My mom passed on when I was 18 and I would have liked to have known her as an adult. I think we'd have got on well. She would have loved having grandchildren and being part of our lives.

 

The bargain-hunter gene most definitely came from her - she loved a good find! I'm also pretty organized and must have learned that from her too.

[WTMindy]

I'm crazy about my mother and I continue to want to be more like her. She has a reputation for being a woman of prayer and I want to be like that!

[Krista in LA]

Growing up, I saw how my dad was turning more and more into my grandfather and now I see my brother and myself turning into my dad. I love my mom, but I do not want to be the narcissistic hoarder that she is. She has issues.

[Quiver0f10]

I have worked very hard and continue to work hard to be nothing like her. I think I am doing good so far, but it is a struggle at times.

[Ravin]

My mom is a great lady and I often take her parenting advice, etc. The way she parents NOW is pretty awesome.

 

I do sometimes find myself parroting things she did when I was a kid that weren't so marvelous--reactions when depressed and overwhelmed, such as yelling at children, for example. There are a few things my mom did/said when I was a kid that I seriously never want to repeat. But I think knowing that she's overall a great mom but made occasional mistakes also helps remind me that I'm not going to break my DD"s spirit by yelling now and then...especially if I know how to apologize afterward.

[Guest Shanna]

No, I have turned into my grandmother.

[cin]

My Mother was very controlling and a neat freak. You could literally eat of off the ktichen floor. I do NOT want to be like her. And I probably won't. DH & I think she was OCD. I have ADD. While I do wish I was a little neater and a little more organized, I would not want it to be to the extent of my mother's.

[OnTheBrink]

My son often thanks me for NOT being like my mother.

[Audrey]

:iagree: Audrey, you took the words right out of my mouth! She was my best friend, she was there for everyone, you didn't hear her complaining one time. Even when she was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer, she never complained, she was always worrying about us, never about herself. When she died, I lost the best friend I'd ever had. So I would be honored if I acted or sounded anything like my mom.

 

I know just what you mean. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, she went through it like a real fighter. Wow! She was amazing. I've never seen courage and strength like that. I, too, felt like I'd lost the best friend I'd ever had. To hear my father say that exact same thing was heartbreaking. Both of them were a lesson to me to marry your best friend. So, many years later, I did just that.

 

I got an awesome mother-in-law out of it, too. You'd never find my dh's mom in a MIL joke, that's for sure. Unfortunately, she, too, lost her battle with cancer a few years ago. I was very lucky to have known her, even if only for a little while. I got two great examples of "mom-ness" in my life. Believe me, I know how lucky that was. :Angel_anim:

[Elaine]

I know just what you mean. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, she went through it like a real fighter. Wow! She was amazing. I've never seen courage and strength like that. I, too, felt like I'd lost the best friend I'd ever had. To hear my father say that exact same thing was heartbreaking. Both of them were a lesson to me to marry your best friend. So, many years later, I did just that.

 

I got an awesome mother-in-law out of it, too. You'd never find my dh's mom in a MIL joke, that's for sure. Unfortunately, she, too, lost her battle with cancer a few years ago. I was very lucky to have known her, even if only for a little while. I got two great examples of "mom-ness" in my life. Believe me, I know how lucky that was. :Angel_anim:

 

I have an awesome MIL, too. I have never had a problem calling her "mom."

 

 

I am sorry for your losses, though.:grouphug:

[crazycoffeechic]

I know just what you mean. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, she went through it like a real fighter. Wow! She was amazing. I've never seen courage and strength like that. I, too, felt like I'd lost the best friend I'd ever had. To hear my father say that exact same thing was heartbreaking. Both of them were a lesson to me to marry your best friend. So, many years later, I did just that.

 

I got an awesome mother-in-law out of it, too. You'd never find my dh's mom in a MIL joke, that's for sure. Unfortunately, she, too, lost her battle with cancer a few years ago. I was very lucky to have known her, even if only for a little while. I got two great examples of "mom-ness" in my life. Believe me, I know how lucky that was. :Angel_anim:

 

Yeah, after the third time:rolleyes:I finally married my best friend. We have been through a lot in the past 5 years. After my mom died in September, we moved in with his mom to help with her bills, she got sick and went to the hospital the day after Christmas (the same year) and in February, she died. I just couldn't believe it, I had gotten so close to her after momma died, it was like it had started all over again. She was just as good a "mama" as mine was. I wouldn't have traded her for anything.

[Audrey]

I think you and Elaine and I need to start our own "great moms and MILs" thread. :D

[Tap]

:)

[Teddi]

I love and respect my mother. She did the very best she could with what she had (which, at times, wasn't much). She was one of my two best friends (dh is the other).

 

When I find myself acting like her, I am amused.

[Mesa]

I grew up in a very abusive home, and my mom was the main abuser. I most definitely am not like my mother. I find that when I have the same views as my mother it's the things I need to change... TMI but she always told me "sax" was bad and dirty, now lo and behold I have zero desire. I think Its gross and bad, etc etc. This is something I know is wrong for me to think, but I cant get over it. I love my hubby dearly and I am working on my messed up views.

So no way am I like my mom. Thankfully!

[Brigitte]

I was just thinking about this today. I found myself typing something and when I went back and read it I realized that it sounded just like my mother. And not in a good way. :confused:

 

I love my mom dearly, and there are some ways that I don't mind being like her, but there are quite a few others that I'd prefer not to. I know we all have things like that, so I thought that a poll would be a fun way to start the conversation.

 

I, too, love my mother dearly. In many ways she is a lovely lady. However, she is very negative and a worrier and not demonstrably loving. I find that I have a hard time showing affection and try to overcome that. I have also noticed that I can tend toward the negative. I am trying to make it a rule that for every negative thing I have to say, I say two positive. Or, when I find a conversation turning negative, I stop it. I am not always successful, however.

 

My mother's negativity is getting so bad, that my sisters are avoiding her. That is not good at all. I don't think my mother realizes how she comes across.

 

So, should I tell her?

[crazycoffeechic]

I think you and Elaine and I need to start our own "great moms and MILs" thread. :D

 

Yeah we do! ;)

[4arrows]

I am very much like my mother. I would like to be more like her.

[sweetbaby]

Yes. I don 't try to be but it comes out anyway.

[*anj*]

I

 

My mother's negativity is getting so bad, that my sisters are avoiding her. That is not good at all. I don't think my mother realizes how she comes across.

 

So, should I tell her?

 

Maybe. If you think she'd really "hear" it.

I can sometimes joke my mom out of it. For instance I had a really busy week recently and didn't get to call her as often as I usually do. When I finally spoke to her she said "Well, you could call more often. You know, I haven't talked to you in awhile and it would be nice if you'd call...."

 

So I said "Hmmm...yeah, well I'm having so much fun chatting with you right now, I can't wait to call again!"

She laughed. My dad was in the room and she told him what I said and he thought it was really funny.

So it all depends on your relationship with her and her temperament.

For the record, I had been in the habit of calling my mom maybe 5 times a week, but lately I haven't been talking to anyone that often. I just haven't been in as much of a telephone mood. So I still call her probably twice a week, but that feels like "not often" to her.

[Vanna]

...this would happen.

 

I wrote some of the things I learned from her (directly and indirectly) on my (very humble) blog (if interested, you'll find it under Thirty-five Things My Mommy Taught Me).

[Kanga]

I voted other because I have tried to emulate the things I admire in my mother and form different patterns for the things I do not.

[Lizzie in Ma]

 

We took this on Mother's Day. Could we LOOK more alike???:lol:

[Kelli in TN]

My mom and I are nothing alike. But we learn so much from each other and we enjoy the differences in our temperments.

 

We never talk politics!!:D But we can and do talk about everything else.

 

I think my mom did the best job of teaching me to take a hands off approach with my kids as they reach adulthood. I am, by nature, a meddler and I have refrained from meddling because she refrained from meddling in my and my brother's lives.

 

She is amazing, career wise. She never graduated from high school and yet, now holds a supervisory position with the state overseeing a rent assistance program. She has always been promoted for her abilities, sometimes over people with degrees.

 

She and my brother and I are such good friends, but we are nothing alike!!!!

[mcconnellboys]

NO!!!! And even if I *am*, I'll never tell you or another living soul. And I'll DENY it! Forever! And ever...... No, absolutely not......