Broke Down Yesterday

[Impish]

I know that with tragedies occurring across the world (Japan in particular), my situation is nothing other than being selfish and self absorbed.

 

But I broke down and sobbed anyways.

 

Its funny. I never cried when I was diagnosed with RSD. It was actually along the lines of, "So that's whats happening! I'm not going crazy!"

 

But.

 

Over the last 10 days or so, I've gone from having a full, thick head of hair to having my scalp visible. My pony tail used to be as thick as my wrist, maybe thicker. Now...a finger.

 

I cried on the way to the psychologist (cab driver is a friend), then cried AT the psychologist, and then last night after the kids were in bed, I completely broke down. You know the one...chest heaving, snot running...

 

I know how self absorbed this may seem to some of you. My hair was the ONE thing that I always liked about myself. My dh loves my hair, loves that I wear it long...I've joked about cutting it off in the summer time, and he's threatened to sleep on the couch if I do. I asked him if he would still love me if I was bald...and how ugly I feel, how could he find me attractive anymore?

 

Its just...one more thing. One more thing for me to have to deal with. Isn't there, couldn't there, shouldn't there be a limit somewhere? Where enough is ENOUGH?

 

I was supposed to see my GP on Tues, but he didn't go into the office, so I see him Friday. My only hope is that my thyroid meds are too strong, and thats why this has happened. I've been hypothyroid for almost 20 yrs, and have NEVER had this happen.

 

If its not the thyroid...its another special side effect of RSD. I've heard of men who end up bare chested and bald.

 

If you wouldn't mind praying for me, giving me some support I would be so grateful.

 

I'm just falling apart, and its like I'm standing on the edge, and its crumbling. I'd never hurt myself or others, so please don't take it that way...I'm just on the edge of losing total control and start screaming and crying.

 

Honestly, I just feel like I've lost enough to RSD. My dominant hand and arm, dreams of getting my LPN, having another baby. How much more can I lose to RSD?

 

I HOPE its a thyroid issue. That has a chance to recover from. If its RSD...there's nothing they can do.

 

And yeah...I cried the whole time I typed this out.

[Mom2absh]

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry this is happening, Impish. I would be devastated, too. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

J

[Diane in CO]

:grouphug: I am so sorry you are going through this. I will pray that it is your thyroid and your doctor can adjust the medication.

 

You have gone through so much this year, my hope and prayer for you is that there will be a light at the end of this dark tunnel :grouphug:

[Kfamily]

:grouphug:

[Alyeska]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am so sorry. And I don't think it sounds self absorbed or selfish at.all.:grouphug:

[missesd]

Oh sweetie... I wish I could hold you and give you a BIG hug... you know the kind, the ones that aren't any good UNLESS there is snot running down the sleeve of my shirt. I would say I understand, but I don't even know what RSD is :( I do know though, that I am not a vain person, but one of the things I treasure most is my hair. I'm already fat, graying horribly- and have been since 18, if I lost my thick ponytail too... well I'd be blubbering and in bed. At least your up!! Facing the day... again. And it sounds like things have not been easy for you, so that in itself is a feat. I know I can't imagine what your going through, and I am new here, so I don't really know you. But my heart goes out to you, and my heart aches for what you are going through. I wish there was more I could do, but if all I can offer is some prayers and a virtual shoulder, then you've got it.

 

:grouphug:

[Mynyel]

It is decidiedly not selfish of you. Goodness one has to live their own life as well! Don't worry about Japan. There are plenty of us who can for you.

 

I have you in my prayers and a few :grouphug: as well.

[Jen500]

:grouphug:

[mereminerals]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I cried for you just reading this. Prayers definitely being sent up for you.

[Parrothead]

I used to have hair like that. I thank God I used to have hair like that. Now that I've lost half of it because of auto-immune disease. Thank goodness I had so much hair that I'm not bald due to the hair loss.

 

If you are seeing scalp, you need to get your meds checked. You also should have a whole hormone panel and be checked for vitamin and mineral deficiencies.

 

If you want I'll trudge upstairs, heft the big honking book down the stairs and report back what it says about hair loss.

[Starr]

Oh Baby enough is enough. I am so sorry! I'm going with the thyroid prayer big time! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Granny_Weatherwax]

:grouphug:

 

Praying for you.

[fairfarmhand]

:grouphug:

 

if it makes you feel better, I would have bawled my eyes out if I was losing my hair. I can totally sympathize.

[Flux]

:grouphug:

I have been going through some horrible health issues of my own for the last year and no one has been able to diagnose me with anything yet. I have felt like I am on a slippery hill and am powerless to stop! I am starting to lose all faith in doctors, but I have digressed, I really just wanted to let you know I am empathizing with you.

 

On a couple different occasions this past year, my hair started falling out by the handful. My kids were coming to me to help unwrap it from their hands and feet, and get it out of their mouths, I was vacuuming daily. I almost felt like I was in a horror movie. My hair was always thin and I didn't think I had much pride in it specifically....until it was all over the house instead of in my head! My hair was about down to my armpits when I broke down and sobbing in the bathroom mirror, cut it into a very short bob. It was so thin, it would just lay flat on my scalp under its own weight and would be greasy by midday. If I brushed my hair out from my head I could see my scalp all the way back past my ears.

 

I also felt bad for being so upset by the whole affair when I had other health issues to worry about, and when other people had so many worse things to contend with. My hair mysteriously started growing back after a few months of this and I now have this fuzz poking out all over my head. I am not in the least bit embarrassed by this, I am thrilled! I hope they can figure out what is going on with your head, and that you get to see fuzz in the mirror soon. Oh, I just really wish I could hug you because I know what it feels like to mysteriously lose your hair.:grouphug:

[katemary63]

:grouphug::grouphug: So sorry. You are right. There are people dealing with worse things. There always are. But that doesn't mean we don't grieve our own losses what ever they are. I've cried buckets over the losses I've had in the last 9 months I've been disabled. I've cried because I couldn't drive. I've cried because I couldn't do my barn chores or even visit the barn most of the time. I've cried because I couldn't do my housework and my poor DH had to do it all. I've cried from the pain over and over again. But you know what? I cried the hardest, sobbed and sobbed and still occationaly sob, over the fact that I'll never ride my filly again. I've got a quarter horse filly I raised from my favorite mare. She turned three last spring and I had her broke to ride. I waited 3 years to be able to ride her and I was beyond excited. I rode her 3 glorious times before my pain started. I will never ride her again. My husband and I have mutually agreed that if I'm ever able to ride again (It's still unknown at this point if I will and that will be a whole other level of sobbing for sure if I can't.), I will limit myself to our gaited horses because they are so much smoother and put less stress on my artificial joint. So, how's that for frivolous for you? Sobbing my guts out over a horse when there are so many "worse" things that could happen. But nobody knows what she means to me. How much I love her and loved riding her. What my plans for her were. It's a personal loss to me and I must grieve it. It doesn't mean I don't recognize the much more significant suffering others are going through. Don't feel guilty about your sobs. You are justified. I'm so sorry you have lot some hair. I'll be praying it grows back.

 

On the other hand, don't forget to find the joy in each day, no matter how small it is. Don't forget to do what you can for others. It always lifts your own spirit when you help someone else, even with just a kind word if that's all you can do. We can grieve. But life continues and we must continue on with it so find some time each day to focus on the future and the positive things that are coming with it. There are always positive things. The sunrise. Your child's smile. The love of a good husband. There is always something to look forward to and that is what we must do. God Bless you.

Edited March 17, 2011 by katemary63

[Impish]

Thanks Chucki, I would appreciate that. I just had a full workup a month ago. Thyroid is the only possible culprit, other than RSD.What bothers me is how fast its hit. I mean, the nurse who was out last Friday came again on Tues. She was shocked at the difference.

[Parrothead]

Thanks Chucki, I would appreciate that. I just had a full workup a month ago. Thyroid is the only possible culprit, other than RSD.What bothers me is how fast its hit. I mean, the nurse who was out last Friday came again on Tues. She was shocked at the difference.

Okay. I'll do it for you. I've been so engrossed in it that I only allow myself to read it before bed. I'll go get it and report back.

[DaffodilDreams]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Impish]

Thank you so much, Chucki, and everyone else that's responded for not making me feel like such a self centred jerk.:grouphug:

[mom4him]

:grouphug: I am so sorry. I doubt that there is a woman on planet earth that would welcome mass hair loss. Praying for peace and healing.:grouphug:

[Susan in TX]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Susan in TX

[specialmama]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You are entitled to feel this way! Hang in there. Praying for quick resolution on several fronts. :grouphug:

And girl, don't worry about what your dh thinks. When I saw you the other day I thought d@mn, she looks GOOOOD in an army cap! And you really do! Wolf is a smart guy who, well, okay, he is a guy, but he is not that shallow. He knows you didn't do it on purpose. :tongue_smilie: You ain't pullin' no Brittney! :tongue_smilie:

[Sahamamama]

:grouphug:

 

Wow, you are really going through it. I've been where you are now, and it is so hard. It feels as though life will never be normal again, never be bright and happy, never be fun to live.

 

All I can say is, keeping putting one foot in front of the other, Impish. Go forward, and perhaps your circumstances will change, however much or little. Sometimes, one minute of not being in pain is a sign of hope. I just pray for those minutes now.

 

As for Wolf, didn't he covenant with you to cherish you "for better or for worse?" This is the "worse." Here it is, and he will cherish you through it, Lord willing. (And the Lord is willing). Give him the benefit of the doubt that his love for you is real, and not dependent on your health or your hair....

 

I say this because there were a few years in there when I really, really struggled with the whole, "How can he love me now?" question. And in some ways, my husband grew weary of it. I had to snap out of that, because we only had enough energy to deal with the health issues, not the peripheral emotional stuff of having the health issues. Does that make sense? He said, "I love you no matter what." It was a MONUMENTAL effort for me to take that in, once and for all, and just live on that foundation. But it was exhausting for him to take care of everyone AND convince me, so for his sake, I stopped going there.

 

IOW, I had to make the decision to focus on being as healthy and strong as I can be, then accept that the ME that I am is the ME that my family loves. That was so hard for me, to believe I could be enough of a wife, and especially, enough of a mother. What works is to just keep on going, to do what I can to serve and love them all each day, and to release the rest as being "not on my plate." If it's impossible for me to do it, then... well, then there it is... what can I do?

 

Praying for you today... :grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm sorry, Imp. :grouphug:

[3lilreds in NC]

:grouphug:

 

What you're going through would be a lot for anyone, Sweetie. I think you handle it admirably. I hope if I am in the same situation someday I can be as gracious as you are.

 

You're allowed to grieve loss, too. I would find it hard to believe that anyone in the world could lose their hair, no matter what the reason, and not be upset.

[Gratia271]

I know that with tragedies occurring across the world (Japan in particular), my situation is nothing other than being selfish and self absorbed.

 

But I broke down and sobbed anyways.

 

 

There is nothing selfish about your sorrow. Others losses don't negate yours in any way. You have been through hell, and you need a break from it. I don't understand the hell you have been living through, but I understand sorrow and grief that just seem to compound as days go by and a future that seems bleak. I wish there were a way to end all the senseless suffering people are forced to endure in this life. All I can offer is a :grouphug: and prayers for you.

[Melanie in WI]

:grouphug: Praying for you. :grouphug:

[Parrothead]

Okay, here it is:

Hair Loss

 

 

• Medical name is alopecia. Hair loss can occur anywhere on the body, but it usually happens on the scalp.
  
• Aloecia areata is a sudden loss of very circumscribed areas of hair for no apparent reason or secondary to systemic disease.
  
• Symptoms: loss of hair in various patterns
  
• Consider: Low thyroid functioning, poor digestion, parasites, nutrient deficiencies such as iron and biotin, hormonal problems, aging, secondary to trauma, post-pregnancy, skin disease, diabetes, chemotherapy and stress.
  
• Special notes: If large amounts of hair are lost, it is important to see a doctor to rule out an underlying disease. Circulation to he scalp is important. Increase exercise, scalp massage and try lying on a slant board for 15 minutes a day.
  

 

 

Treatments

 

 

 

• Diet: whole foods diet high in the outer coverings of plants such as potato skins, green and red peppers, sprouts and cucumbers. These are high in silicon which gives strength to hair and nails. Foods high in iron, such as some lean meats, and raisins are also important. Sea vegetables such as kelp are good for the hair and thyroid. drink goat's milk instead of cow's milk.
  
• Nutritional therapy: Flaxseed oil, biotin, zinc. amino acid blends, Bit B complex, iron, trace minerals (Kelp is a good source of trace minerals)
  
• Aromatherapy: for temporary or severe hair loss use lavender, rosemary, thyme and sage
  
• Ayurveda: The Ayurvedic herbs ashwagandha and amla are reputed to simulate hair growth. Apply warm bhringaraj oil or brahmi oil to the scalp regularly.
  
• Flower Essences: Crab apple
  
• Herbs: Massage the scalp nightly with an oil made of one part rosemary oil ad two parts almond oil. Internal treatment will depend on the cause of the hair loss.
  
• Homeopathy: Sepia, Arnica, Acidum nit.
  
• Juice therapy: Carrot, beet, spinach, nettle, alfalfa. Add a little onion juice to the veggie juices.
  
• Topical treatment: 1. Massage scalp with fingers daily. 2.Use double strength herbal sage tea as a hair rinse or apply to scalp every day as a tonic. 3.Rub vit E oil into scalp nightly. For two nights, rub Castor oil into the scalp for 10 minutes then apply a hot damp towel for 30 minutes. put a plastic shower cap on overnight and wash out the following morning. Then the next two nights use olive oil, hen use wheat germ oil for two nights. Rest one night and repeat the seven-day cycle. 4.Apple cider vinegar used as a hair rinse may stimulate hair growth.
  

 

Hopefully that will help in some way.:grouphug:

Edited March 17, 2011 by Parrothead

[Twigs]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

Oh, Imp -- definitely praying, hugging, everything! With much love!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

ETA: IF I thought it would help, I would buy you a red AGA -- but I KNOW that won't help a bit.

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Don't even worry about the people-suffering-more guilt. There's ALWAYS someone suffering more, & if only the 1 person suffering the very most was allowed to mourn we'd all go crazy. It's a (hopefully temporary) loss. Go ahead & mourn it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Want me to knit you a sweet hat for the moment?? I can but I don't know your address. :D

[OLG]

:grouphug: Go ahead and cry...it's therapeutic.

[Slartibartfast]

I am so sorry. :grouphug:

 

One of my most identifying features has always been my hair. I have long curly hair and if lost it I would be crying and breaking down as well. I don't blame you at all for feeling so terribly sad.

 

I hope it is your thyroid meds and it gets worked out.

[Sugarfoot]

:grouphug: It's not selfish at all. Praying for renewed health and peace for you.

[MyBlueLobsters]

:grouphug:

[Impish]

Thanks to everyone who responded. Chuckie, I'm hoping its thyroid, but it says there 'low thyroid'...I've been speculating that the thyroid problem is that the meds are too high. I don't go anywhere, hardly, so I don't see how I would have contracted anything that wouldn't be affecting the rest of the family. RSD is a 'systemic disease' though. :(

 

 

Oh, Imp -- definitely praying, hugging, everything! With much love!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

ETA: IF I thought it would help, I would buy you a red AGA -- but I KNOW that won't help a bit.

Well...It would sure cheer me up :Angel_anim:

[TheReader]

It doesn't sound selfish at all. It sounds like you are dealing with something very traumatic to your life. Or if not traumatic, at least quite disruptive.

 

Hugs and prayers to you. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

[Parrothead]

Thanks to everyone who responded. Chuckie, I'm hoping its thyroid, but it says there 'low thyroid'...I've been speculating that the thyroid problem is that the meds are too high. I don't go anywhere, hardly, so I don't see how I would have contracted anything that wouldn't be affecting the rest of the family. RSD is a 'systemic disease' though. :(

 

 

 

Well...It would sure cheer me up :Angel_anim:

Do you have the other hyperthyroid symptoms? Thinking back on my early days with hyperthyroid I lost the weight first, then the hair came out - like about month 4, maybe 5. That isn't to say you would be exactly the same.

 

 

• Palpitations

• Heat intolerance

• Nervousness

• Insomnia

• Breathlessness

• Increased bowel movements

• Light or absent menstrual periods

• Fatigue

• Fast heart rate

• Trembling hands

• Weight loss

• Muscle weakness

• Warm moist skin

• Hair loss

• Staring gaze

 

[Denisemomof4]

:crying: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Merry]

...

[Mom0012]

I know that with tragedies occurring across the world (Japan in particular), my situation is nothing other than being selfish and self absorbed.

 

But I broke down and sobbed anyways.

 

Its funny. I never cried when I was diagnosed with RSD. It was actually along the lines of, "So that's whats happening! I'm not going crazy!"

 

But.

 

Over the last 10 days or so, I've gone from having a full, thick head of hair to having my scalp visible. My pony tail used to be as thick as my wrist, maybe thicker. Now...a finger.

 

I cried on the way to the psychologist (cab driver is a friend), then cried AT the psychologist, and then last night after the kids were in bed, I completely broke down. You know the one...chest heaving, snot running...

 

I know how self absorbed this may seem to some of you. My hair was the ONE thing that I always liked about myself. My dh loves my hair, loves that I wear it long...I've joked about cutting it off in the summer time, and he's threatened to sleep on the couch if I do. I asked him if he would still love me if I was bald...and how ugly I feel, how could he find me attractive anymore?

 

Its just...one more thing. One more thing for me to have to deal with. Isn't there, couldn't there, shouldn't there be a limit somewhere? Where enough is ENOUGH?

 

I was supposed to see my GP on Tues, but he didn't go into the office, so I see him Friday. My only hope is that my thyroid meds are too strong, and thats why this has happened. I've been hypothyroid for almost 20 yrs, and have NEVER had this happen.

 

If its not the thyroid...its another special side effect of RSD. I've heard of men who end up bare chested and bald.

 

If you wouldn't mind praying for me, giving me some support I would be so grateful.

 

I'm just falling apart, and its like I'm standing on the edge, and its crumbling. I'd never hurt myself or others, so please don't take it that way...I'm just on the edge of losing total control and start screaming and crying.

 

Honestly, I just feel like I've lost enough to RSD. My dominant hand and arm, dreams of getting my LPN, having another baby. How much more can I lose to RSD?

 

I HOPE its a thyroid issue. That has a chance to recover from. If its RSD...there's nothing they can do.

 

And yeah...I cried the whole time I typed this out.

 

You poor thing! That is so hard. I hope very much it turns out to be your thyroid medication and there is a fix for it. :grouphug:

 

Lisa

[Ibbygirl]

Oh sweetie! I'm heart broken reading your post. I wish there was something I could say or do to take your pain away. I'm so so sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: I don't know why you are having to suffer like this or why God is allowing this in your life, but I KNOW He is good and you will be vindicated and glorified in the end. It's SO HARD to go through it though. I am always praying for you sweetheart and will continue to do so. :grouphug: :grouphug:

[tex-mex]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[newlifemom]

Praying for you Imp.:grouphug:, :grouphug:, and more :grouphug:.

[Stacie]

:grouphug: Gracious! You need a break. I wish there was something I could do to help you. :grouphug:

 

Did you get your vitamin levels checked very carefully? I lost a lot of hair quite a few years ago. Something happened where I was unable to absorb and maintain my levels of B vitamins. I had to take large amounts of B complex, biotin, zinc, and C. It worked wonders, improved my energy levels noticably, and my thick red hair grew back just like before. I looked like a troll doll while it was growing in, but didn't care one bit!! God bless you, Imp and hang in there. You'll get your hair back.

[Mommyfaithe]

Thank you so much, Chucki, and everyone else that's responded for not making me feel like such a self centred jerk.:grouphug:

 

:001_smile::grouphug:

 

Oh...you are so NOT a self centered jerk! I am praying for you....I do think it is thyroid related....falls out of the head and grows on the face...fashionable,huh? I hate it...I lost tons of my hair. It used to be sothick, we couldnt get a ponytail around it...now, it sort of looks like the "no capes". Woman from the Incredibles....I have lost so much of my beauty....I don't even recognize myself anymore. Not vanity....just sad.

 

Faithe

[Hedgehog]

:grouphug: I'm praying for you. Sometimes you do wonder how much more you can take.

 

I found some notes from a Bible talk I'd heard on faith, from years ago, during my tidyings up. At the end I'd written -

 

"Faith is the strength to bear the unbearable, to face the unfaceable, and to pass the breaking point without breaking."

 

Hold onto your faith. God can help you with this too. :grouphug:

[Parrothead]

....I don't even recognize myself anymore. Not vanity....just sad.

 

 

This right here sums it up for me. I look in the mirror and wonder who that old lady is. I'm 44 and need a mini (lifestyle) lift because the weight came off so very fast. The stress of the disorder and the stress of living with and dealing with doctors has accelerated my hair turning gray. What is left of my hair in its natural state is 100% gray. The bugged out eyes make me look like a freak.

 

It isn't normal to age that much in 5 years. People think dd is my grandchild. It is just sad.

[_melody_]

I don't think you sound selfish at all. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with all this. I'm praying that this will turn out to be reversible and that things will get better for you. :grouphug:

[KrissiK]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry! And don't beat yourself up because your suffering isn't as "bad" as other people's suffering. I hate it when people say stuff like, "Yeah, well at least you're not having thus and such happen to you!" As if knowing that it's not as bad as it could be makes you feel any better. Because it doesn't. It just makes you feel guilty for feeling bad, which compounds things.