Am I the only Parent that wont let their child choose?

[AnnaM]

I was reading through some posts and noticed alot of parents saying they would let their child choose where they went to school. I am not sure I understand why anyone would let an inexperienced child have control over something as important as their education. So am I the only mean mama who will not let her children have that choice (whether that means sending them to private/public school or homeschooling)?

 

 

Meant for this to go on the general board. Sorry!

Edited March 9, 2011 by AnnaM

[Jen500]

I was reading through some posts and noticed alot of parents saying they would let their child choose where they went to school. I am not sure I understand why anyone would let an inexperienced child have control over something as important as their education. So am I the only mean mama who will not let her children have that choice (whether that means sending them to private/public school or homeschooling)?

 

What ages are you referring to? Kindergarten, middle school, high school?

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Nope. I'm the mom I decide (with dh ofcourse :001_smile:) Children make decisions often based on feelings (my friends go there therefore I want to go there or they think I'm weird because I am homeschooled therefore I want to be "normal")

 

 

I want my kids education to be the best possible and I KNOW that will not happen in our county elementary school (we have 1 elementary school for the whole county, I just so happens to be down the road)

[redsquirrel]

I am guessing you are not the only one.

 

Some people are fine with it and some aren't.

 

I think there is room for both. I can see good reasons for both. I have held each point of view at one point or another.

[blakereese]

I do think there is a point in their education that children should have input. Somewhere around middle school and high school they will be setting some goals for their future, and their education will help take them there. So I do think it is important for them to have a part in the discussion and to be part of the decision making team.

 

Now my kids are young now, so I will be making that choice for them. :) But there will come a time when I will have to look at what I can provide vs. the other options out there...and my child(ren) will help me to make that choice. Their father and I will have the final say, of course.

 

It is our job to educate them or help to educate them so they will have the ability to make important decisions. Just all part of the process, I guess.

[waa510]

Nope. I'm part of the mean mommy club too! ;) It astounds me to see some parents allow a 6 yr old to make such a huge decision. The kid has no idea what they're getting into, and half the time it was simply a curiosity about the school bus more than anything else at that age! It confuses me, because the same parents who would never let their kids decide to eat ice cream all day are the same parents who let their kids dictate where they are educated! :confused:

 

I also have no intention of letting a teenager, on their own without my blessing, decide to go to high school. I hope to raise my girls to be more mature than I was at that age, however, I just don't think that I could send them to ps for high school if dh and I don't 100% agree with the decision. Any trepidation about their intentions and they're home with me. Who's the parent?? I'm a bit of a hard-a** though, admittedly, when it comes to my kids. We try to give them lots of choices and consider their opinions/feelings in as much as possible, but their education is *not* one of them!

[mytwomonkeys]

my son does not have a choice (but thankfully he loves homeschooling). my daughter is 9 1/2 and i really value her thoughts (not that i don't value my son's...but he's 6 & i know homeschooling is best for him). if my daughter really was unhappy homeschooling (which she isn't thankfully), i would definitely look at what we needed to do to make it pleasant for her. public school isn't an option, but there is a private university model school nearby & i would consider that for sure. i would definitely include her in the process & try to figure out something that we both agreed upon.

[lionfamily1999]

I'm another that thinks it depends on what type of school. College? That's up to the dc. Everything else, I accept their input and will consider their opinions, but ultimately it's up to me.

[Guest Momlovesbooks]

I think each parent makes the best choice for their family.

[newbie]

I let my dd choose her high school and after 1.5 yrs she wants to switch. I put my foot down and said no, she cant switch every year.

[plain jane]

At 6 years old, no, mine don't have a choice. At 16 though, yes, I do think they'll have a lot more say. If my child was adamant about going to high school and had valid reasons for doing so I wouldn't put my foot down and say never (not saying I'd say yes either ;)). I know I can't make all the decisions for my children forever, they do need to grow up one day. :)

Edited March 9, 2011 by plain jane

[AnnaM]

I also have no intention of letting a teenager, on their own without my blessing, decide to go to high school. I hope to raise my girls to be more mature than I was at that age, however, I just don't think that I could send them to ps for high school if dh and I don't 100% agree with the decision. Any trepidation about their intentions and they're home with me. Who's the parent?? I'm a bit of a hard-a** though, admittedly, when it comes to my kids. We try to give them lots of choices and consider their opinions/feelings in as much as possible, but their education is *not* one of them!

 

 

This is basically how I feel. Mine are young so it's easier right now to say no, but at the end of the day, where they are educated is down to their father and me.

[AnnaM]

Also, I guess I dont consider education to be the only deciding factor on why I dont send them to PS. I have religious and moral reasons too and it is unlikely that the system is ever going to live up to those. Even if my child had valid educational reasons I would still say no for other reasons.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

.

[twoxcell]

No I do not let my kids choose root beer floats for dinner either:lol:. If they were in late Jr. High, or high school I would consider their thoughts a lot more.

[TracyP]

The age, grade, maturity level, and real-life going's on all have an effect on the decision of whether to keep a child home or send them to school. I think that at a certain age, yes, absolutely, the child has A say, not necessarily THE say.

 

My 1st grader wants to go to school so he can ride on the big yellow bus? No. My jr high student wants to go to school because it has the best music program in the state? Maybe. My senior high student wants to go to school because they offer advanced science labs and math classes I cannot possibly duplicate at home? Yes.

 

Every situation is unique. Never say never or always. ;)

:iagree:

[chrissymama]

My kids are young and both love homeschooling right now. If they wanted to go to school, we would seriously consider it, but ultimately it will be up to me and dh.

[RanchGirl]

The age, grade, maturity level, and real-life going's on all have an effect on the decision of whether to keep a child home or send them to school. I think that at a certain age, yes, absolutely, the child has A say, not necessarily THE say.

 

My 1st grader wants to go to school so he can ride on the big yellow bus? No. My jr high student wants to go to school because it has the best music program in the state? Maybe. My senior high student wants to go to school because they offer advanced science labs and math classes I cannot possibly duplicate at home? Yes.

 

Every situation is unique. Never say never or always. ;)

 

:iagree:, especially with the last line.

[Mom28kds]

I'm doing both. DS (4th gr) will be coming home from PS next year. He didn't want to but I believe he needs to and so he's coming home. He cried at first but he has come to terms with it. I have also told him some fun things we could do next year.

DD (9th) is in PS and is considering coming home. This is her decision. She HSed through 4th gr. then went to PS. She knows both kinds of schooling. I have discussed with her the pros and cons of both and we are letting her make the decision.

[Guest Cindie2dds]

I was reading through some posts and noticed alot of parents saying they would let their child choose where they went to school. I am not sure I understand why anyone would let an inexperienced child have control over something as important as their education. So am I the only mean mama who will not let her children have that choice (whether that means sending them to private/public school or homeschooling)?

 

 

Meant for this to go on the general board. Sorry!

 

:iagree:

[dragons in the flower bed]

It's not up to the children here, either.

[Homeschooling6]

The age, grade, maturity level, and real-life going's on all have an effect on the decision of whether to keep a child home or send them to school. I think that at a certain age, yes, absolutely, the child has A say, not necessarily THE say.

 

My 1st grader wants to go to school so he can ride on the big yellow bus? No. My jr high student wants to go to school because it has the best music program in the state? Maybe. My senior high student wants to go to school because they offer advanced science labs and math classes I cannot possibly duplicate at home? Yes.

 

Every situation is unique. Never say never or always. ;)

 

No I do not let my kids choose root beer floats for dinner either:lol:. If they were in late Jr. High, or high school I would consider their thoughts a lot more.

:iagree: Thankfully, everyone at Homeschooling6 loves being home for school ;) Our plans are to continue through high school.

Edited March 9, 2011 by Homeschooling6

[razorbackmama]

I was reading through some posts and noticed alot of parents saying they would let their child choose where they went to school. I am not sure I understand why anyone would let an inexperienced child have control over something as important as their education. So am I the only mean mama who will not let her children have that choice (whether that means sending them to private/public school or homeschooling)?

 

 

Meant for this to go on the general board. Sorry!

 

Heck no I won't let them choose. (To put it mildly.:lol: )

 

My oldest is just DYING to go to high school. He honestly doesn't care if it's public or private, as long as it's not homeschool LOL. Well, we cannot afford private in any form or fashion, and the public high schools are a JOKE. (One of the science classes has an entire UNIT on extraterrestrials. Seriously???????????:001_huh: )

 

I talked it out with him and discovered that his main issue is that he doesn't want me as his main teacher for everything. So I am trying to accommodate that as best I can.

 

But no way is going to the public high school. I care too much for his education than that.

[Dmmetler]

At age 6, no-I'm choosing. Luckily, DD prefers homeschooling, or, at least, prefers that school only takes a couple of hours and then she can spend the rest of the time dancing, reading, playing with legos, drawing, and creating scratch projects.

 

But if DD really hated homeschooling for whatever reason, and it was straining our parent/child relationship, I'd seriously consider changing how she was schooled-because ultimately, she can learn from different types of schools and teachers, but we're the only parents she has. That parent-child relationship has to come before the teacher-child one.

[mama27]

I was reading through some posts and noticed alot of parents saying they would let their child choose where they went to school. I am not sure I understand why anyone would let an inexperienced child have control over something as important as their education. So am I the only mean mama who will not let her children have that choice (whether that means sending them to private/public school or homeschooling)?

 

 

Meant for this to go on the general board. Sorry!

 

No, you are not the only one! even if my high schoolers wanted to go to ps I would tell them to forget it. Now, I DO discuss their curric, the books they read, etc. with them and listen to their input there but as far as going to private/ps? No. Not even an option here.

[CanaryMelody]

You are not alone. For our family, we feel God wants us to be in charge of our children's education. Their thoughts, wishes, or concerns are listened to but ultimately DH and I are the ones who make the choice of where and how they should receive their education from start to finish.

[abbeyej]

No. I'll take a child's individual temperament and other factors into consideration in deciding what is best for them and for the family as a whole, but I don't let them "choose". In high school, potentially. Even as early as middle school, I want them to know that their thoughts on the matter are *important* to me and carry weight. But the decision is ultimately mine.

 

With a young child? No.

[AngelaNYC]

My kids may choose to go to high school, but I find the best 3 (out of hundreds to choose from) - based on reviews, stats, friends' opinions, the kids' interests, etc - and they can pick from that.

[TheAutumnOak]

No I do not let my kids choose root beer floats for dinner either:lol:. If they were in late Jr. High, or high school I would consider their thoughts a lot more.

 

:iagree:

 

I will consider my boys thoughts as they get older, but I will not let them make their own choices...Especially about something as important as their education...I have always been a "mean old mommy" :tongue_smilie:

[laurad1125]

No. DH and I are the adults and we make final decisions about important things: health, education, etc. We do take their input but good luck to either of my kids that said to me, "I want to go to school."

[kchara]

Nope. Mine don't decide. I figure when they're paying for it themselves, they're free to go where they want (which will be college, I would think). Until them, God put them in my care, and I will school them the best way I see fit. I will listen patiently (sometimes... DD is on a kick at the moment, and I'm getting impatient with it), I will try to figure out what's going on, but that is not a decision that they will get to make.

[tristangrace]

There's no way I could answer that question without more context. But to give you an idea of how I approach the question, I think responsible parents train their children to make responsible decisions, and I hope that by their mid-teens my children would have enough sense, wisdom, interest, information, and ownership of their education--i.e., adequate maturity-to make substantive decisions about it. If they are not adequately mature, in my opinion, to make a good decision, I would decide for them.

 

I do not think it makes good sense to assume that a kid will magically become capable of making good decisions for themselves at age 18 if they have had no prior experience, coaching, and ownership of substantive decisions until that point, so my intention is to provide experiences and coaching all along the way in hopes of encouraging ownership and maturity.

[RoundAbout]

I always find it funny that this question comes up among homeschoolers but not PSers. When someone who sends their kid to school asks me this question I always turn it around: "Would you let your child stay home if they wanted to?" This usually ends the conversation. While I'm sure many here are an exception and started homeschooling at their children's request, most people can't imagine pulling their kids out of PS just because their kids don't like it.

 

I think a high schooler should have input into their own education and would consider all options at that point provided there is a well-reasoned case, but for an elementary student - "No way." They have no way to judge the quality of the local schools vs. what I can provide at home.

[StartingOver]

Mine have no say, add me to the mean mom club. They might get some say when they are older, but I doubt it. It is still my job to make sure they get what I think they need. When they are adults they will have tons of time to figure stuff out on their own.

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

I was reading through some posts and noticed alot of parents saying they would let their child choose where they went to school. I am not sure I understand why anyone would let an inexperienced child have control over something as important as their education. So am I the only mean mama who will not let her children have that choice (whether that means sending them to private/public school or homeschooling)?

 

 

Meant for this to go on the general board. Sorry!

 

No. In our home that specific issue is a parental decision as well.

[sassenach]

Depends on the age. My littles don't get a choice. However my 13yo had a lot of input about going back this year. I think a high schooler definitely should have input. I'm not of the mindset that a teenager is incapable of being part of the decision making process about their education.

[Just Robyn]

Sorry. I haven't read the whole thread, so maybe this has been said. Most parents with children in public school did not give their child a choice, and I imagine the same is true for private school. Nobody questions the parent's authority when it comes to a traditional path, so based on that, I don't see how the child *should* have a say in whether or not they homeschool.

 

That said, part of me does feel like children *should* have a say at some point, or maybe that *some* children, depending on their maturity, should have a say at some point, so it is a battle in my mind. As for us, right now our children are young and they don't get a say in it. What happens when they get to high school age is still undecided.

Edited March 9, 2011 by crstarlette

[CoastalGal]

Sign me up for the MMC (Mean Mommy Club)... I'm the Mom, I make the decisions regarding education.

 

At or around Middle School/High School, I would consider letting a child have input as to curriculum...but the final decision is mine.

 

Children do not always know or choose what is best for them. ;)

[Sue G in PA]

Would never let my elem. aged children make a decision like that but we are in the middle of debates with ds12 over going back to ps for 8th grade on up. So far, he hasn't convinced me that ps would be of benefit to him but dh disagrees. He thinks we need to let him test his wings...feels we are "clipping" his wings by homeschooling him when he obviously wants to go to school. Ugh. Anyway, I do feel he must have some say...but not final say. It IS his future.

[delaney]

I let my older 2 go to school because DH kind of felt strongly about them continuing with soccer in school and they both WANTED to stay there. We only just started this journey and my original intent was to keep them out of the elementary school I hate. Now my middle school DS came home with an scab on his arm where the new "trend" is to erase a few layers of skin! One kid got suspended for going all the way up his arm! WTH??!! Add that to the disgusting behavior of the girls in school and the lack of morality, ridiculous dress code while the cheerleaders flaunt their rears at games, and substandard academics...yuck. No, the younger 4 get no say and I tell the older boys every day that if they wanted to come home they could.

Just wanted to add that yes it is their future but the desire to go to PS rarely has to do with better academics. If they want to make the best decision for their future then they would stay with me, roll through more than they would get at school, and not waste their time on the drivel they offer in our high school.

[Joker]

I let my 5th grader decide. She came to us with a long, well thought-out list of why she should be able to decide. One of those being that she was going to hit us up next year anyway about the idea of attending middle school. She thought it would be better "to try it in 5th to get settled and figure out if it was what she wanted before the rigor of middle school." Her words.:tongue_smilie:

 

She's a very motivated and mature kiddo though so we said ok. She hated it because it was boring and easy. She came home every afternoon and got out her 5th grade hs materials and did lessons so she "wouldn't forget." We pulled her after a month and she said she has no desire to try again and the next school building she enters will be college.

 

I would never let her younger sister make the same decision because she is nowhere near as motivated and mature. Everyone needs to parent the way they feel is best and that was what was best for us. A good lesson was learned and we've moved on.

[Mommy22alyns]

I can see both sides. When I was in fifth grade I asked to go to public school instead of the private school I was in. My parents let me go on the condition that I couldn't switch back in the middle of the year. I wish they had just kept me in private school because I was so out of sync with everyone when I came back.

 

However, I did let Sylvia decide to come home after 4 months of 3 yo preschool. She wasn't hysterical or anything about it and I frankly wasn't invested in having her attend preschool. Some people might think that was weird.

 

I guess I'll cross that bridge if/when I come to it. :)

[AngieW in Texas]

I have to worry about my whole child, not just academics.

 

We moved during my oldest dd's 5th grade year and we couldn't find any girls (or boys even) over the age of 7yo for her. She was incredibly lonely. She needed a social outlet and I couldn't find one for her through hsing. If we hadn't moved, she would never have even though about ps. She requested ps in the hope that she'd be able to find friends. She ended up staying there for two full years and then returning to hs. The rule I had was that you can try ps once for each level (elementary, middle, high). If you come home, then you are home for the rest of that level.

 

We also tried ps for the youngest in 5th grade. She had a list of reasons why she should try ps for a limited time. She ended up going for just two weeks and then returning to hs. It was actually quite good for her. She found that she wasn't at the bottom of the class like she had expected that she would be (because of her dyslexia). She was re-energized and quite happy with hsing for that year and the next year.

 

Problems started with 7th grade this year because nearly all of the older girls (11yo and up) disappeared. Quite a few went to a new charter school that opened up this year. Others just stopped coming. Parkdays were no longer the social outlet that she needed. We started looking at ps because she NEEDED to have people. The local ps really wasn't much of an option, but the charter school that many of the kids from our hs group were going to was an option. She wanted to apply for the next year (8th grade). We don't know if that will happen or not at this point. She is on the waiting list. Even if she makes it off the waiting list, the friend of hers that she most wants to spend time with is begging to return to hs. She definitely won't go to ps if the friend is hsing.

 

For her, it really is all about having the social time.

 

Yes social time can happen just fine with hsing. But at middle school age, the hsers start to vanish. My middle dd has ONE friend at parkday and that friend is probably going to be at the charter school next year, but she will be able to take classes at the cc starting this summer, so I have high hopes that she'll be able to make friends there.

 

If my youngest ended up going to the charter, she would probably come home for 11th and 12th because she'd be able to take dual credit classes at that point and that would give her the social time she needs.

[MrsMe]

Nope. Adults choose here as well. I don't believe it's a choice for a child to make.

[Dolphin]

There's no way I could answer that question without more context. But to give you an idea of how I approach the question, I think responsible parents train their children to make responsible decisions, and I hope that by their mid-teens my children would have enough sense, wisdom, interest, information, and ownership of their education--i.e., adequate maturity-to make substantive decisions about it. If they are not adequately mature, in my opinion, to make a good decision, I would decide for them.

 

I do not think it makes good sense to assume that a kid will magically become capable of making good decisions for themselves at age 18 if they have had no prior experience, coaching, and ownership of substantive decisions until that point, so my intention is to provide experiences and coaching all along the way in hopes of encouraging ownership and maturity.

:iagree::iagree:

 

My son was a part of the conversation when we decided that this year he would be home schooled. He also choose to continue with home school for next year.

 

However...

 

My dh and I have already decided what was happening, we then presented him with his options and talked him through making the decision. I can say nicely that we coached him, but really we manipulated him into the right decision. We look at it as part of his education, how to make decisions and what types of things to look at. It also helps as when he gets a little grumpy, I am able to remind him that this was his choice, it gets him right back on track.

 

Same with curriculum. I narrow it down, but whenever I come to 2 choices and I think both would work equally well, he picks. I think it helps him to feel that he really is a part of things, and he is learning to make good choices.

 

Nicole

[OK Family]

I was reading through some posts and noticed alot of parents saying they would let their child choose where they went to school. I am not sure I understand why anyone would let an inexperienced child have control over something as important as their education. So am I the only mean mama who will not let her children have that choice (whether that means sending them to private/public school or homeschooling)?

 

 

Meant for this to go on the general board. Sorry!

 

No you are not the only mean mom, and personaly I don't believe you are mean. :) I homeschool my 7 yr old, 4 yr old and 3 yr old. It was my choice (and my husbands). I do not intend to let my children make that decision until college time!

[Mommyfaithe]

I was reading through some posts and noticed alot of parents saying they would let their child choose where they went to school. I am not sure I understand why anyone would let an inexperienced child have control over something as important as their education. So am I the only mean mama who will not let her children have that choice (whether that means sending them to private/public school or homeschooling)?

 

 

Meant for this to go on the general board. Sorry!

 

My kids do not have a choice. I can and do listen to their input and take it into consideration, but the ultimate decisions on their education, and many other aspects of their lives, are decided by dh and me.

 

Faithe

[cindergretta]

We decide. We live in a basically lousy school district and I am not willing to let my dc's whims decide where they go to school.

 

If we lived a *good* district and I felt like my dc had rational reasons (beyond "public school would be more fun!" :glare: ) then my answer *might* be different, kwim? But that isn't the case here. ::sigh::

 

On a more selfish note, we have 6 dc. I am not about to go running all over the place so this one can go to public school and that one can be homeschooled and this one can just be a pill, regardless. :lol: I have a hard enough time coordinating everything as it is, without complicating it with one or 2 on someone else's schedule, kwim? (I have one is asks monthly if I will ever "make her" go to public school. She dreads the very idea. I have one who thinks his life would be utterly perfect if I would just send him to the local high school. That would be a NO. Drugs, gangs, HIGH drop out rate, low academic performance - no freaking way! I have one who wants to go to public school but instead enjoys the benefits of being hs'd and I have 2 who don't seem aware that not everyone is homeschooled! :lol: All of their friends are homeschooled, so maybe their POV is warped??? :tongue_smilie: )

[skueppers]

If my kids wanted to go to high school, I'm sure my husband and I would be open to the idea. I'm not sure how we'd respond if it came up earlier.

[AmyinMD]

It really depends on why the child wants to go. A few years ago my second dd was begging to go so she could ride the bus and have lunch with her friends. The answer to that was a no.

 

For my oldest who was struggling with finding friends and seeming to need more last year then the answer was yes. PS has been a mixed experience for her. I'm not sure if she will continue next year but she has met some new friends which has been good. Our homeschool co-op has had a problem with kids dropping right around age 12 so last year dd was one of the oldest ones. They opened a teen class this year which has attracted a ton of new families and had I realized that would happen I may not have sent her.