Socialization

[Guest adamb924]

Hello,

 

I'm looking for people's thoughts on socialization. As much as I appreciated the academic content in TWTM, I would summarize the chapter on socialization as: there is no socialization problem.

 

I think we all know there's a socialization problem.

 

So, please offer any thoughts you may have. Especially if you think your kids are well adjusted, and especially if you think you did something that helped that process.

 

Thanks,

Adam

[Ester Maria]

Define socialization. Define socialization problem. Define what exactly your children are so terribly missing out on by not being eight hours daily in an institution that it couldn't possibly be provided outside of its walls.

 

ETA: I'm not being snarky, those are actually very serious questions. What's socialization? Do homeschooled children lack other people, and other children, in their lives? Are social difficulties unique and directly related to the homeschooling population? What's inherently so special about eight hours daily in an institution? Are there no ways to replicate quality free time, activities or even learning time with other children outside of the institution?

Edited February 27, 2011 by Ester Maria

[Peela]

Hi Adam- you sound like you might be a father considering the possibility of homeschooling your child/ren? And you are concerned for your kids?

 

It is common for people not familiar with homeschooling to be concerned that children who don't go to school wont have a social life and therefore not learn appropriate social skills, but it is generally not true at all and it often does annoy homeschoolers that people presume there to be a problem when there is not.

 

Everyone's circumstance is unique and its true that some children are isolated by homeschooling. But it is by far the minority and for many of us the problem is when to fit the school work in amongst the social opportunities, and we have to be very discerning because too many social activities become exhausting.

 

Homeschooled kids can join in afterschool activities and weekend activities just like other kids- Scouts, sports, church activities, camps, dance, gym, art....but there are often many opportunities for homeschoolers themselves to meet up with each other and many form co-ops and meet once a week for classes- hiring teachers or pooling the skills of the parents.

 

There are often park days, zoo days, museum days.

 

Many kids also have other kids to play with in their neighbourhoods, or on their own streets, which gives a daily after school playtime.

 

Sometimes parents have to work to make a social life happen for their kids- I did at first- but after I plugged into the local homeschooling community, as well as the Scout organisation, my kids had a very rich social life which has continued till this day.

 

Homeschooled kids often have excellent social skills simply because they interact with other people of all ages and backgrounds, including many adults- rather than many kids only their own age. My two teenagers are both very socially competent and have many, many friends from different walks of life.

 

So, unless you live in a very isolated place, be assured that it is generally speaking not an issue at all and in fact kids form very good friendships with kids older and younger, adults, and are often very close to their own parents as well, rather than being wrenched apart by the peer group pressure at school. Peer pressure tends to be less of a problem with homeschooled kids.

 

It is one of homeschooling's best secrets that the thing that many people are frightened of- that homeschooled kids are kept cloistered away from the world- is actually false- but also that homeschooled kids can have the most opportunities for very meaningful social interactions, and develop very good social skills away from the jungle environment of the school yard.

 

Please understand that your question may arouse some irritation on these boards because it is a common prejudice and sometimes we get a little tired of it, but I have tried to answer you as if you are very sincere as I understand you are probably a concerned dad.

[choirfarm]

Hello,

 

So, please offer any thoughts you may have. Especially if you think your kids are well adjusted, and especially if you think you did something that helped that process.

 

Thanks,

Adam

 

How would you describe well-adjusted? What do you want you children to be able to do??

 

Now everyone, before you jump all over him, it is a valid question and some of it has to do with the personality of your child. My oldest who is nearly 16 is just not social. He loves adults. He can talk about a wide variety of interesting topics, but he just doesn't fit in with the high school crowd at church. He doesn't have a cell phone, a girl friend or any interest in the latest movie, either. Now my daughter cannot enter a room without saying hello to everyone she meets of any age. She goes and talks to her 102 year old previous SS teacher, hugs the youth minister an pastor, talks to the high school girls, says hi to another of our friends that is our age before she sits down at church. ( She is 9.) She just loves people. My oldest does not. They have the same parents, the same exposure to various extra-curricular when they were young ( most homeschoolers do little league sports of various kinds, scouts, etc) My middle child is somewhere in between the two. God just made them that way.

 

One thing my children do have an advantage in is practical skills. My oldest does the kids laundry every week. ( without being told) He is also a good cook and will often cook dinner on Thursdays when I am with my youngest at violin and running errands in the neighboring town. He can straighten the house pretty well. I still haven't trained him to clean the bathroom to my standard, though. :glare: I still have a couple of years.

 

Christine

[nono]

I think we all know there's a socialization problem.

 

 

 

Is that statement an example of good socializeation? If so, then you are correct! My children have a socialization problem. They are not being taught to use presumptive and condescending statements in their conversation with others.

[brasilmom]

The questions posted by Adam are ones that occur to many of us as well. Now, as for me, I will say that my oldest child is 5 1/2 yo and while she does not seem to have a social problem, I think she needs a bit more time with other children her age. Now, I have moved to this area only 3 years ago, our neighborhood is mostly older people, so not much going on on our streets or backyards. She does attend homeschool programs locally where she is then involved with other children. She just can use some free time to play. I work on that as much as I can and now a wave of elementary children joined the group, so new friends are being formed.

However, I will say that some play time together I avoid all together. One example is a little friend of hers that is a complete delight. The mother, however, is very, very particular to the point of being ridiculous. So, when my dd when to their house to play, they play for a bit, then the mother cannot deal with their noise and also they will run a bit in the house. She then turns on the tv and tell then it is time to sit down and watch something. So, if my dd is there to play for 2 hours, they will play for maybe 30 minutes. Now, this is a social problem in my eyes. Play time is play time. My dd is better off playing with us in our house.

 

I guess I rather her have fewer friends but quality ones. A boat load of school peers can be overwhelming and also poor in experience and enrichment.

 

Adam, thank you for posting your questions. I appreciate reading it and giving food for my own thoughts.

 

Be well

 

Miriam

[Joyofsixreboot]

My thoughts are that socialization isn't really a problem, socializing is. My kids want contact with kids. The more the better. My kids are involved in what many here would feel are too many activities but it works for our family. Among these are Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts, local play production, 4-H, church youth groups, co-op Spanish and PE, band, choir, sports and Boys&Girls club. This means they see children nearly daily. It works for us and they don't behave 'oddly'. That was dh's worst fear. He doesn't happen to like the behavior of the stereotypical hs kid-quiet, speaking only to the adults, being deeply involved in some solo interest. I'm not saying that is bad, it's just not his cup of tea.

[Dmmetler]

As a mother of an only child, who lives in a neighborhood where most of the children her age are not only in school but in child care until their parents finish work (so usually aren't getting home until 6:00 or later), I put DD in first preschool and then kindergarten because she wasn't around other children much. And she liked it. She went, she played with her friends while at school, and she never saw them outside of school because she didn't really connect with them enough to want to set up a playdate or play with them. What's more, I didn't know their parents, most of the other parents worked, and it was next to impossible to set up playdates even when we wanted to do so. When she had her birthday party, we invited the class, but except for the couple of friends she regularly saw at church or in the neighborhood, no one came. She was just too different-she talked differently, she thought differently, she acted differently. The fact that she was reading, that she was already doing math was an obstacle to her school classmates, who didn't like the attention she got. And the fact that DD's mind is always thinking, that she tends to talk about what comes to her mind, and that she is still working on learning tact led to her often being separated during the social times in the day for "talking out" when she was supposed to be quiet-which in turn, meant she fit in even less.

 

Fast forward to now.

 

DD has a wide range of activities, mostly with the same groups of children. Our homeschool group, for example, has a park day on Monday, which is just several hours of unstructured playtime for the kids, while parents talk, usually moving inside to a skating rink or bowling alley or some other indoor venue during the Winter. We have a Tuesday "Fetch Club", which does various challenges, mostly science-related, led by different parents. We have a Friday morning World dance class, where one of the parents who takes belly dance lessons talked her instructor into opening her studio for our group and offering a low-cost class for our kids. And she also does a separate homeschool science class and a group music class, where, in both cases, about half the kids attending are from our group.

 

She dances fairly seriously, and is at the studio 3x/week, with many of the same girls, and spends a lot of time with them, both in and out of class. A one hour dance class often ends up being a couple of hours at dance class and playing on the playground or dancing around outside as a group.

 

 

And, of course, she still has her friends from church and the neighborhood.

 

When she had her party this year, almost everyone she invited either came, or really really was upset that they couldn't come. She has a much wider range of friends now-so she HAS someone to talk about books with, even if that person is 12. She has someone to build involved lego projects with-he's a 10 yr old boy. She has someone to discuss scratch programming with. He's a 40 yr old computer engineer :). She has dance friends who she not only dances with, but sets up complex dance programs using barbie dolls and making costumes out of pieces of lace and scenery out of big sheets of paper and markers. She has friends to just run around and play with.

 

And no one cares that she's reading different books, doesn't like the same TV shows, loves playing with words, or can do math in her head-all of which were obstacles in school.

 

I'd say that yes, indeed-my daughter had a socialization problem. And we solved it by homeschooling.

[RegularMom]

Hello,

 

I think we all know there's a socialization problem.

 

So, please offer any thoughts you may have. Especially if you think your kids are well adjusted, and especially if you think you did something that helped that process.

 

 

Hi Adam.

 

Right off the bat, I'd like to warn you that your tone in these statements will put people on the defensive. Be prepared.

 

In fact, my sharp snarky response to you would be simply this:

 

Yes, we all know there's a socialization problem. That's WHY we homeschool.

 

But to explain myself a bit further, I'd like to say that yes, I've met many a homeschooled child who didn't seem "well-socialized". In fact, one of my own children would probably be classifed into that undesirable category by people who don't know her well and make assumptions about her as a homeschooled child.

 

What I've learned is that homeschooling doesn't have all that much to do with it. If I put my quirky child in school, she wouldn't suddenly lose her quirks. She'd keep them, and they'd probably escalate and the mainstream "normal" children would descend upon her and eat her for lunch.

 

Keeping her out of school ensures that I can work with her individually in all the many and varied social situations we find ourselves in every day and show her how to get along in the world. I can do this far far better than a large mob of 10-year-olds.

 

Traditional schools are full of children who don't seem well-socialized. They are usually targeted for bullying and their emotional well-being is rarely protected.

 

And really: in our experience, the homeschooling community has its share of bullies and mean girls and all that. Just on a smaller scale, maybe. And we don't have to see these people every day for 7 hours straight. We can choose to not be with them anymore when we come across them. Or we can continue whatever activity we're doing with them, and I am on hand to help my children cope with these types of children if necessary.

 

If you're really interested in homeschooling, I'd suggest investigating all the social opportunities provided by homeschoolers in your area. You might be surprised how much like regular school children they are.

 

Good luck.

[....]

I think we all know there's a socialization problem.

 

Um, what?? :confused: Two of my daughters just ran a booth at a multi-cultural fair on Friday, my son and my oldest daughter scored several baskets together in their basketball game on saturday morning, my 2nd daughter did a half-time show with her cheerleading squad at a different basketball game (and hour later) and then all four of my kids worked a girl scout cookie booth saturday afternoon, selling dozens of boxes of cookies for the girl scouts.

 

The socialization thing is a myth. We're actually not going to service today because I am really exhausted from all their "socialization". :D

[pdalley]

Actually my kids - who don't read social cues very well due to autism - socialize better than I do. And I am a 12 year public school graduate. I socialized best in college actually. :001_smile:

 

My kids had more problems socializing when they were in public school. Now they can and do meet with people in their interest areas. They are active in our youth group and are able to carry on conversations with older, younger and peers.

 

Our family is quirky. No amount of throwing us into the deep end of the pool and expecting us to learn to swim will change that. We do actively try to teach our children social skills but we would do that regardless of where they were educated due to their autism.

 

And, to copy another poster, I do NOT give my permission to be quoted outside of WTM. If you desire to quote me, you must obtain my express written permission.

 

 

Same here. I don't appreciate being 'interviewed' without realizing that is what is going on. So just to be safe....

Edited February 28, 2011 by pdalley

[Farrar]

I think we all know there's a socialization problem.

 

Um. No. We don't. My kids have never been to school. They have many good friends that they see on a regular basis. They interact with them extremely well. Our family has absolutely no "socialization problem" unless its the fact that we are pulled to spending too much time in social activities.

 

Let me restate that for you. I think we all know there's a socialization hurdle. The families I know who are unhappy with their kids' social schedules either live in places where it's difficult to meet other homeschoolers like them (because they're secular, the "wrong" kind of Christian, the "wrong" style of homeschooler or because they live in very rural areas without a lot of other homeschoolers around) or they don't take the time and effort to put themselves out there socially. If you want your kids to have a premade social group without any effort on your part, then you either have to live in a close-knit neighborhood filled with kids or you have to send your kids to school. Getting a stable but varied set of friends for your kids when you homeschool takes effort, plain and simple. However, most places, it also can be done, but only if you accept that it's worth the time it takes.

Edited February 27, 2011 by farrarwilliams

[lmrich]

I would encourage you to spend time with lots of kids - home school, private, public, and you will discover that in all segments there are kids who have socialization problems. Look around in your office, aren't there different types of people there? I have taught public, private and homeschool classes. I have seen a lot of "weird" kids in every situation. (don't take offense to "weird", but you know what I am talking about...) Take a closer look around your community.

I would like to know when did education become the way to socialize kids. Why not use social situations to socialize kids? (Now I am going rant) I hate that people think that school is about socialization; school should be about EDUCATION! Don't you think?! If you want your kids to learn socialization skills, then put them in social situations. If you want your kids to learn, put them in a situation that best suits their educational needs, not their social needs.

[Tarreymere]

My kids run around with the neighborhood kids after public school lets out and during public school holidays and breaks. My kids run around with homeschool kids during the time that public schools are open. My kids hang out with the nieghbors, including the adults, and have friendships with people of all ages. My kids do volunteer work of their choice with adult mentors they have sought out, during which they interact with all kinds and ages of people. We live in a community and my kids are active in our community.

 

I suppose if we lived in some isolated area with no other human contact I would be concerned, but we don't. I also don't understand how spending hours in a highly regulated environment with only people of one's exact age is socially beneficial. I think that raising my kids to live and interact successfully in a community begins with, well, actually being in that community and not locked up in a school building.

[jujsky]

While I've met some socially-awkward homeschoolers (I'm assuming those are the ones with a socialization "problem" as you put it) most of those kids are children with Aspbergers, so they would be somewhat socially awkward whether they were in private or public school as well. The few other children I've met who have been socially awkward are rarely let out of the house and around other children, but families like those are a gross stereotype. In actuality I think I've only met one family like that. You wouldn't know on first meeting them that most of the homeschoolers I know homeschool. People often express surprise when they find out we homeschool, and I can just see by the look on their faces they're thinking, "But you're so normal!"

 

My kids have been in a variety of activities from an early age. In fact, this is our "easiest" activity year schedule-wise because we only have to leave the house 4 days/week instead of 6 days/week for activities. This year my daughter is in 4 dance classes. She's been in dance with one of these girls since she was 2 and many of the other since she was 3. Those girls have become her core group of friends because she sees them regularly AND more importantly, they share a common interest. DS plays hockey and takes a gymnastics class. Both kids are in Spiral Scouts together and we take part in a small, weekly co-op with 4 other families. They have become close with their co-op friends. I'm also looking into the Lego League for my son next year. In addition to all this, they have friends we still see for playdates and such from when they were in a playgroup as infants. We also do playdates with our friends from co-op and activities. We are as busy or busier than many of our friends in PS. We often have too many social opportunities and have to turn people down in order to get school done and keep the house from falling apart.

 

I'd say the only socially weird thing my son does is he doesn't know how to wait his turn. If we're in a group setting or at a field trip he doesn't understand the concept of raising his hand and waiting to be called-on. He will just burst out with the answer, or the presenter will say something that sets my son off talking about something marginally-related. We're working on that. He's not the only homeschooler who does this either. I've seen this behavior in several homeschoolers. He doesn't have the day-to-day reinforcement of this rule that he would get in school. I think it's ridiculous to make him raise his hand at home when I have only 2 kids. I have started prepping him to raise his hand and wait his turn before we go to any group activity where it may be an issue, and he has gotten better about it. My daughter is one of those natural rule-followers and picks up better on subtle social cues. Hand raising has never been a problem for her. The most unusual thing you'll notice about my kids compared to PS kids is that they are very comfortable talking to adults. They are not intimidated, and at 6 and 7 can hold a conversation with just about any adult.

[4wildberrys]

Hello,

 

I'm looking for people's thoughts on socialization. As much as I appreciated the academic content in TWTM, I would summarize the chapter on socialization as: there is no socialization problem.

 

I think we all know there's a socialization problem.

 

So, please offer any thoughts you may have. Especially if you think your kids are well adjusted, and especially if you think you did something that helped that process.

 

Thanks,

Adam

 

I get the feeling that Adam is a troll---deliberately posting provocatively? :confused:

 

If not a troll----I have to laugh! As much as the academic content is so wonderful, thorough etc.----the BIGGEST concern is socialization?? How and why? Because our biggest socialization problem when we first started homeschooling was how to cut back on it-----and now at the high school level it's how to socialize without getting caught up with the drug taking, drinking, smoking, drunk driving, immoral, overly s*xualized kids around here!

[Plucky]

nm

Edited February 28, 2011 by True Blue

[Denisemomof4]

I can tell you the worst mistake I ever made in the name of socialization was to put my boys into public school. They learned how cut throat, ugly, and MEAN you really need to be to survive public school. My oldest son, very handsome with the appearance of a "cool" kid, was ostracized for being the one to accept EVERYONE, and his world was crushed when he realized he wouldn't be accepted by all. It nearly killed him to be bullied, but worse on him was to see other's bullied. He stuck up for the low man on the totem pole, and he was made fun of because of it. He was sickened when kids dropped their trays of food and expected the 70+ year old lunch woman to clean it up. He would clean it up. he was sickened to watch the "cool" kids rip apart those who were mentally and physically challenged.

 

It was very, very hard for him to see just how ugly people are. This ruined his view of all humanity. He's still fighting those scars.

 

The ONLY good that came out of putting my son in public school is the girl he's with now. She's liked him since the day he stepped foot onto the school campus. Why? Because he was always so NICE. Nice just doesn't cut it with kids these days, so school was tough on him. He's going to marry that girl who whom he met at school, and that's the ONLY reason I'm thankful I enrolled him.

 

My younger son is different. He has become the cool child. He does all that is necessary to fill those shoes. Suspensions, attitudes, kicked off of buses, etc. You name it, he does it. School changed him, too, and NOT for the better.

 

My boys lives were filled with positive socialization until we put them in school. I wish we had waited until college. That would have been the better choice. It's not as cut throat in college as it is in high school.

[Mejane]

Define socialization.

 

 

Then define socializing. Then clarify your question. You will get much more relevant answers. :001_smile:

[alpidarkomama]

Now everyone, before you jump all over him, it is a valid question and some of it has to do with the personality of your child.

 

The question's not the problem; it's a question many have before they start homeschooling. The part that was a little off the mark was "We all know there's a socialization problem."

 

I would guess that most of us have found that "socialization" really happens by grown ups modeling and reinforcing positive social behaviors. And I would also guess that most of us have more than enough social activities to choose from to keep our kids happy.

[Sweetpeach]

Adam's first post on the WTM forums made me right out loud cackle.

 

Way to cannon-ball into the deep end, Adam! Make a splash. Let people know you're here! :)

 

In response to your question:

 

It's a myth to think that children need 25 other children their own age, all day long, to be adequately "socialized". Do you want your child to be in such an unnatural environment 8 hours of the day?

 

Admittedly, it sometimes takes homeschooled children a few extra years to become a bit more savvy in the social arena, but I don't consider that a bad thing. Schooled children learn quickly to stay in line, shut-up and march to the beat of the one adult's drum. I never wanted that for my children.

 

My kids are now 12, 10 and 7 and I don't see them as being socially awkward. They are very active in sports, church, community and they have many opportunities to broaden their social spectrum.

 

Do I think some homeschooled kids are socially awkward? Of course I do.

 

You've probably never met a socially awkward public schooler, right? :D

 

All the best, and I hope the Hive doesn't chew you up -- after all, we enjoy our deck-time over here and a big splash can be irksome. Sorta, umm, well, socially awkward?! (Just giving you a little teasing!)

 

Warmly, Tricia

[Joanne]

It's a myth to think that children need 25 other children their own age, all day long, to be adequately "socialized". Do you want your child to be in such an unnatural environment 8 hours of the day?

 

 

 

I realized about 8 years ago that the "socialization question" was really:

 

How do you make your days and homeschool look most like what I understand to be the normative pattern of interaction between children.

 

I observed that even homeschoolers were quick to offer answers: 4H, Scouting, sports, choir, etc.

 

In trying to make a homeschool "fit" the mainstream, default choice, we missed the point.

[Mommyof4ks]

My children don't seem to have socialization issues. Many adults have asked if we homeschool simply by talking with my kids for a few minutes. They look the adults in the eye, answer their questions politely, and offer to help if the adult appears to need it. They have learned to get along with people of all ages and interact appropriately.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Be careful not to feed a troll.

[Trish]

Well, my kids still have friends, teams, parties and playdates. Activities, events, groups and get-togethers.

 

I, on the other hand, don't get to see adults sans kids as much as I used to. So I'm under-socialized. What should I do about my "problem?"

 

:D

[pqr]

Hello,

 

 

I think we all know there's a socialization problem.

 

 

 

No we do not.

 

The "socialization problem" is a weak argument used by those who oppose hsing. I see it in NEA comments and others with an "interest." Anyone who actually knows hsers and has met them would know that if anything the average hs child is better adjusted than many in a ps.

 

If you are actually sincere in your question, toss in a few examples to support your assertion.

[akmommy]

Since when did public school become the center of socialization? A regular statement I heard from teachers in my 13 years of schooling was " you are not here to socialize". Now there seems to be this belief that it is the primary purpose of school.

Most of my socializing with other children happened in the after school hours and summers when we were free to run and play our games without the constant interruptions of bells and whistles.

[Trish]

I seem to recall a socialization problem with Adam and Eve in their garden homeschool.

 

Adam, Adam? Is that you?

 

:lol:

[iamrachelle]

Adam's first post on the WTM forums made me right out loud cackle.

 

Way to cannon-ball into the deep end, Adam! Make a splash. Let people know you're here! :)

 

In response to your question:

 

It's a myth to think that children need 25 other children their own age, all day long, to be adequately "socialized". Do you want your child to be in such an unnatural environment 8 hours of the day?

 

Admittedly, it sometimes takes homeschooled children a few extra years to become a bit more savvy in the social arena, but I don't consider that a bad thing. Schooled children learn quickly to stay in line, shut-up and march to the beat of the one adult's drum. I never wanted that for my children.

 

My kids are now 12, 10 and 7 and I don't see them as being socially awkward. They are very active in sports, church, community and they have many opportunities to broaden their social spectrum.

 

Do I think some homeschooled kids are socially awkward? Of course I do.

 

You've probably never met a socially awkward public schooler, right? :D

 

All the best, and I hope the Hive doesn't chew you up -- after all, we enjoy our deck-time over here and a big splash can be irksome. Sorta, umm, well, socially awkward?! (Just giving you a little teasing!)

 

Warmly, Tricia

 

:lol:

 

Yep, what sweetpeach said. :D

[Mommy22alyns]

I think we all know there's a socialization problem.

 

 

 

Oh really? Nice first post. Welcome to the boards and all!

[Jean in Newcastle]

1st post, no other posts. . . either a troll or someone writing a story on homeschooling who wants some good quotes.

[pqr]

1st post, no other posts. . . either a troll or someone writing a story on homeschooling who wants some good quotes.

 

I tend to agree.

[myfunnybunch]

I think we all know there's a socialization problem.

 

So, please offer any thoughts you may have. Especially if you think your kids are well adjusted, and especially if you think you did something that helped that process.

 

Hmm. Not all of us "know" (believe) that homeschooling brings with it inherent socialization problems.

 

socialize: to make social; especially : to fit or train for a social environment (Merriam-Webster online)

 

I see daily that homeschooling offers my children natural training opportunities for a variety of social environments.

 

No problem.

 

What we do that helps: We treat homeschooling as an educational option, then we live our daily lives, much as we would if our children were in public school. We go to the grocery store, we play at the park, we ride the bus, we visit neighbors young and old, we volunteer at the community garden. We go to community events, birthday parties and extracurricular activities. The only difference is that my children are educated at home.

 

Cat

[jazzyfizzle]

I think Adam is munching under the troll bridge.

 

:toetap05:

[Mrs Mungo]

1st post, no other posts. . . either a troll or someone writing a story on homeschooling who wants some good quotes.

 

I am going to agree with Jean, because if I totally agree with pqr again this week universes might collide.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I am going to agree with Jean, because if I totally agree with pqr again this week universes might collide.

 

Hey, that's a good quote!:lol:

[Guest adamb924]

Thank you to all of those who replied about your experiences. I especially valued comments from people who spoke about differences between individual children, and about the intentionality required to create social environments.

 

I am not a troll. But I am glad that I deleted one of the original sentences of my message, "If you don't believe there is a socialization problem, then your child is probably an exemplar of it." Because there's no call for needless provocation. :)

 

I will leave it to the forum to wonder whether the shrill denials of the existence of a socialization problem allayed my fears or not. I would be a little surprised if a post about a true non-issue generated 33 replies in less than 24 hours. Again, thanks to those who shared about how their children are different, and how they have dealt with that.

 

Some kids are naturally social, and some need help. I could lock my middle son away for ten years, and I'm sure he would come out as social as ever. My older son needs a lot of help.

 

Definitions: I can't give a rigorous definition, and of course no one can. The mother who wrote about the child who spoke out of turn and went off on tangents hit the nail on the head. (And since she is aware of the problem I'm sure she will be able to deal with it successfully.) But you talk to some kids and the smallest thing sends them off rambling, apropos to nothing, about constitutional law or whatever. It's neat that they can talk about constitutional law, but if they don't know how to have a normal conversation, then that's a problem. They don't know how to talk to people who don't agree with them. They don't know not to start a formal debate without consent from the other party. It's disingenuous to deny the existence of these people, particularly if you're all involved in co-ops and social groups and can see it in other peoples' kids. (Though I don't believe that anyone who denied the existence of a socialization problem/hurdle also mentioned that their children participated in these groups. Perhaps that's just a coincidence.)

 

Thanks again for your thoughts,

Adam

[jazzyfizzle]

Audrey, are the stars lining up in certain way the past few days???

 

 

:blink:

[Mrs Mungo]

It generated replies because it is a hot-button issue within the community. I don't know how familiar you are with internet forums. Generally one spends some time getting to know a community before one begins poking it with a stick. Otherwise, people may think one has not been properly socialized.

[jazzyfizzle]

Generally one spends some time getting to know a community before one begins poking it with a stick. Otherwise, people may think one has not been properly socialized.

 

 

 

:D:D:D

[Retired]

Thank you to all of those who replied about your experiences. I especially valued comments from people who spoke about differences between individual children, and about the intentionality required to create social environments.

 

I am not a troll. But I am glad that I deleted one of the original sentences of my message, "If you don't believe there is a socialization problem, then your child is probably an exemplar of it." Because there's no call for needless provocation. :)

 

I will leave it to the forum to wonder whether the shrill denials of the existence of a socialization problem allayed my fears or not. I would be a little surprised if a post about a true non-issue generated 33 replies in less than 24 hours. Again, thanks to those who shared about how their children are different, and how they have dealt with that.

 

Some kids are naturally social, and some need help. I could lock my middle son away for ten years, and I'm sure he would come out as social as ever. My older son needs a lot of help.

 

Definitions: I can't give a rigorous definition, and of course no one can. The mother who wrote about the child who spoke out of turn and went off on tangents hit the nail on the head. (And since she is aware of the problem I'm sure she will be able to deal with it successfully.) But you talk to some kids and the smallest thing sends them off rambling, apropos to nothing, about constitutional law or whatever. It's neat that they can talk about constitutional law, but if they don't know how to have a normal conversation, then that's a problem. They don't know how to talk to people who don't agree with them. They don't know not to start a formal debate without consent from the other party. It's disingenuous to deny the existence of these people, particularly if you're all involved in co-ops and social groups and can see it in other peoples' kids. (Though I don't believe that anyone who denied the existence of a socialization problem/hurdle also mentioned that their children participated in these groups. Perhaps that's just a coincidence.)

 

Thanks again for your thoughts,

Adam

 

.

 

What are your children's ages and are they currently attending any type of traditional educational classes?

 

What would be different if someone is naturally social or naturally awkward. Does traditional education classroom help?

 

We that have homeschooling for a very long time just really are tired of the "socialization argument" Sorry but there just freaky, ill mannered, socially awkward people, you and I and everyone else has worked with or attended classes with them and guess what none of them were home schooled.

 

Your initial statement sounds more like a troll and your second one still has not convince me of your sincerity regarding home school.

 

I would perceive from your initial provocative statement that you are one of those awkward, rude, know-it-all properly socialized adult that others want to avoid at the party

 

So if you are troll I really did wast some of my "socializing time"

 

If you aren't a troll then your "posting style" sucks:001_smile:

[wapiti]

But I am glad that I deleted one of the original sentences of my message, "If you don't believe there is a socialization problem, then your child is probably an exemplar of it." Because there's no call for needless provocation. :)

 

Then why did you repeat the sentence here? Tact, diplomacy and judgment might get you a lot further; i.e., you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

 

I will leave it to the forum to wonder whether the shrill denials of the existence of a socialization problem allayed my fears or not.

 

No one's wondering. Your point of view is clear, though your motive is suspect.

 

I would be a little surprised if a post about a true non-issue generated 33 replies in less than 24 hours.

 

It is clear from this comment that you haven't spent time reading here. A similar or greater response might be engendered by crockpots or even tea, let alone a thread about the #1 charge leveled against homeschoolers by the public school community. This is a very large board. Consider reading for awhile. Also, there's a neat search feature that might be of assistance.

 

ETA: all right, here are threads you might read re: socialization http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/search.php?searchid=7178577 Have fun.

Edited February 28, 2011 by wapiti

[Mrs Mungo]

If you have a question such as:

 

I am strongly considering homeschooling as an option, however, my elder son is quiet/reserved/introverted/bossy/has asperger's/argumentative/obnoxious and I am worried about how he will relate to his peers/adults/the family/highschool/college/the workplace, then say so.

 

If you come in with a rejection of something experienced homeschooled parents have found to be true, then it is not surprising that you would meet with resistance.

[LibraryLover]

Really, OP?

:lol:

[jazzyfizzle]

Awww Come back and play! I should be going to bed but this was more fun.

:tongue_smilie:

[Rosy]

 

I think we all know there's a socialization problem.

 

So, please offer any thoughts you may have. Especially if you think your kids are well adjusted, and especially if you think you did something that helped that process.

 

If I had to choose, I would rather have kids that are slightly awkward than kids that are subjected to poor supervision, bullying, and homogeneous and artificial social opportunities. However, I do not have to choose and I feel that my kids, who are not perfect, can interact meaningfully with people their own age and other ages. I work hard to teach respect, kindness, and a willingness to help others and work hard. I see the evidence of this with my oldest, the others are young and still learning but the feedback I get from others is that they get along well with other kids and are responsive to adult leadership.

 

I would be a little surprised if a post about a true non-issue generated 33 replies in less than 24 hours.

Apparently, you don't know us very well.

 

It generated replies because it is a hot-button issue within the community. I don't know how familiar you are with internet forums. Generally one spends some time getting to know a community before one begins poking it with a stick. Otherwise, people may think one has not been properly socialized.

:lol::lol::lol:

[snipsnsnailsx5]

I'm curious too about the socialization problem?

 

At school not much socialization was going on - unless it was the bad type in which my boys were supposed to be sitting in seats and doing work rather then socializing. lol

Even as late as 5th grade, my oldest son only had one friend and it wasn't a very healthy friendship. He would end up spending his "recess" or lunch breaks eating alone and then just reading a book in the hallway because he didn't know how to socialize.

That was before homeschooling.

 

Now, our first year of homeschooling, and I see him interacting with groups of people that he wouldn't have before. I see him making fast friends at homeschool co-ops.

The same goes for my other children.

 

The socialization opportunities that we have outside the home include church 1x week, scouts 1x week, soccer (depending on the season, they don't do soccer year round), and a homeschool co-op (2x week). Then there are all the times I take them to the library, the store with me, to friend's/family's houses...the list goes on.

 

There is no problem with socialization.

[snipsnsnailsx5]

Actually my kids - who don't read social cues very well due to autism - socialize better than I do. And I am a 12 year public school graduate. I socialized best in college actually. :001_smile:

 

 

:iagree:

 

I am a 12 year public school graduate also. I am an introvert. I don't do well with socialization. I have troubles carrying on long conversations, I don't know when I should interject so I mostly just listen and have a hard time giving my input. I have a phobia (minor) of making phonecalls. It drives my husband crazy. I have a phobia of speaking up in groups of people, even at my book club. I just feel so socially awkward at times.

 

My kids don't have those problems.

[KidsHappen]

Yes, we all know there's a socialization problem. That's WHY we homeschool.

 

My thoughts exactly. :001_smile:

[KidsHappen]

No we do not.

 

:iagree: Who'd have thunk? :001_huh: