Another s/o on number of children--did you feel "done" when you were done?

[TKDmom]

If you are not going to have any more, did you feel "done" or do you wish you could have more?

 

I'm just asking about you, yourself (not your spouse). I know in my case, my dh is done, and I'm just not sure. He tells me I'm crazy to even consider more. :lol: (And he's probably right.)

[littlebug42]

Not right away but I do feel it now.

[mommaduck]

Yes, hubby and I both felt done at the same time.

[mom4him]

I voted other.

We had 3 children and then could not have more. The longer time went the more I yearned for more children that I knew I could not have. I had always thought I would have 6 children and 3 just simply wasn't it.

Fast forward to when I was in my early 50's. We started doing foster care and I very soon realized I did not want to always give them up. I felt that we would adopt and we thus brought our two youngest into our home and lives as infant/toddler.

I know, that is still only 5 but I tell people that God figured that our youngest son was the same as two.:lol::lol::lol:

 

By the way with them I definitely felt that they had completed our family.

[RamonaQ]

I felt very done after the birth of my second (and last). I still feel verydone, but now when I see babies I am nostalgic and sometimes yearning, however, not enough to do it again....I am still done.

[Mommy22alyns]

Yes and no, depending on the day/hour/minute....

[Ginevra]

We had 3 children and then could not have more. The longer time went the more I yearned for more children that I knew I could not have. I had always thought I would have 6 children and 3 just simply wasn't it.

 

This is me, exactly. I am sadder now about not having 6 children than I was 7 years ago and the door looks more closed now than it has ever been. I don't think I'll ever feel "done"; my heart is not done. In practical terms, there is a part of me that is happy that I don't have to do "all that" at this point, but I would trade it without a backwards glance if I could have/adopt/raise/whatever another kid or two...or three.

[TKDmom]

Yes and no, depending on the day/hour/minute....

 

:lol::lol: Ok, yes. I can agree with that. One minute I wish I could have another right now. And the next I'm wondering, "Why did I ever think I should have any children at all!? I wish the zoo accepted children." :001_huh:

[JessieC]

We only have two, and our family is complete. I do have "what if" moments of yearning, but DH is definitely done, and I know deep down that our quality of life will be better with two. I am looking forward to moving on to the next stage of parenting as the kids get older!

 

Jessica

mom of 5yo and 3yo

[MarinesWife]

YES YES YES!

 

LOL

 

I am done. No doubt about it. No desire, no yearnings, no goo goo gagas when I hold a baby. Nothing. That was it.

 

After I had #4 I remember questioning out loud to my mom about why they stopped and if she wanted more and she had wanted more and never felt done and I was questioning if I would ever feel done. She didn't know of course!

 

But yep. Done. I have no doubts. Six children ... I'm good. :)

[freethinkermama]

Yes and no, depending on the day/hour/minute....

 

Yes.

Generally, I'm fine with being done. Really, each pregnancy and each c-section got worse. I still love babies, and love holding babies, and smelling their heads, and their tiny turtle-beak mouths and the fine, transparent fingernails. But, there was just no way we could do any more, and it was ok. I've never wept over my tubal ligation or wanted to have it reversed. Mostly I just wish I could be a better mother to the ones I have, and know that I would be a worse mother to more :)

 

We definitely felt done, but it doesn't mean we were cheering or didn't mourn the passing of this stage of our lives.

[ChristineW]

I'm done with bio kids. The last pregnancy was too taxing on my body. I wouldn't trade my baby bear but I'm not willing to do it again--being sick every day, a kidney infections, bleeding at 24 weeks and two months of bedrest (especially since each of the two miscarriages prior to her put me in the hospital.)

 

Three is good. Three kids five and under is about all I can handle anyway.

 

Christine

[yellowperch]

I have five but would have been thrilled to have more. At 44, I think I've finally aged out of the game. I feel lucky, of course, to have the children I've been blessed with.

[Heather in Neverland]

I am the "other". I had ds #1 and felt DONE. Five years later I did not feel done any more so we adopted ds#2 and then I felt DONE. Five years later I did not feel done any more so we adopted dd and now I feel DONE. Ask me in 5 years. :D

Edited January 5, 2011 by Heather in NC

[Dawn in OH]

If I were younger, or I had begun having children at a younger age, I would probably have more. Right now, four is plenty. I have my hands full. By the time I could handle having another baby, I'll be older than I want to be for having babies.

[Denisemomof4]

I voted other because although I would have wanted more children, I realized I was DONE after our last.

[kalanamak]

I picked other. I would have liked another, but I knew what a risk it would be (I would have been 45 or 46), how unlikely it was, and then there was that little fact that hubby was a newly 50, newly SAHD who'd never been up all night with a sick child. His opinion on another was "I think it would kill me".

 

So, I didn't do it, and, at bottom, wouldn't have done it due to genetic risk.

[LibraryLover]

Nope. I still think there might be a child or two out there who we might be needing and who may be needing us.

Edited January 5, 2011 by LibraryLover

[AmyP]

I never vote other, but this time I did! :D After our last I really felt certain that I wouldn't want another child. Now I'm not sure I want another, but I'm not sure I don't either.

[JenneinCA]

I wanted more, but after three late (16-19 week) miscarriages, we had to stop. The emotional costs were too high. I still sometimes count to four when out with the kids or wonder what that missing little person would be like.

[BamaTanya]

Factors:

1. my most difficult pregnancy (nothing serious, but difficulty breathing and moving for 9 mos was scary - esp when trying to care for/teach 4 older siblings)

2. the autism spectrum diagnosis of 2 of our older children

3. maternal age

 

I wonder if I would have felt the same if we we hadn't been going from specialist to specialist to get help for our sons during that time . . . It was so stressful.

 

That said, we had thought #4 might be our last, and that was before the autism complications were apparent. Each child was welcomed, celebrated, and appreciated. Number 5 was an unexpected blessing who happened to add great joy during a difficult time!

[cathmom]

Given our situation (and I mean every angle of it: financially, energy levels, number of hours in the day, future goals, etc), dh and I will not have more. I checked other, though, because it makes me sad that I cannot say "yes" to more children, even though I don't necessarily yearn for more.

[Sahamamama]

Yes, we both felt done. We still do.

[Night Elf]

I do not feel done, but having more is not a consideration unless by a miracle and I had to let go of that dream about 3 years ago.

Edited January 5, 2011 by Night Elf

[Sparkle]

I picked other. I absolutely feel done having biological kids, but I would adopt if I could. I wouldn't mind having 1 or 2 more at all, if finances permitted.

[Laurie4b]

I did not feel done at the time and grieved for a while, but was older and biology kind of puts a limit on things. However, now I wonder how on earth I would have handled more than we have. I miss the younger years, though.

[texasmama]

Yes, after I had baby #4, I felt done. I never felt done until I got pg with her. I knew that there was another baby out there for us, that we were not "all here". We are all here now.

 

This is helped along by the fact that I have four, will turn 44 in two weeks and life is just very different than I had expected. (Not because of the kids but other factors.) I know when I have reached maximum capacity.

 

I do so miss nursing babies and toddlers, though.

[babysparkler]

Dh is done, but I'm not in my heart.... so we are done :(

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Well, I was DONE 13 years ago. Then, 6 years ago, we discovered we weren't quite as done as we thought we were. Now that dd is 5yo, we are still completely, without reservation, quite DONE.

 

I'm 47, though, so that may make a difference for me.

 

BTW, my brother (1 year younger than me), and his wife, and their two daughters (teens, both), are in the process of adopting three babies (ages 1, 2, and 3). They have been fostering them for two years, got the newest baby when it was two days old because mom and entire family is on meth). Parental rights for all three have been terminated, and the babies will soon be theirs. I admire their huge hearts and their energy, but I have no desire to follow their lead. No more babies, or toddlers, or preschoolers for me.

[Mimm]

I almost never take advantage of the Other option, but I did this time. :) I didn't feel done all at once, but over time I realized I was done. A couple times I've had a brief bout of insanity, where I wish for another baby. I'm not sure why, I'm not much of a baby person. I kind of feel like I didn't enjoy my kids' babyhood enough or something. Fortunately, I get over it quickly. (Like, a couple days. It never lasts.) :)

[tricia]

I should have voted other. We have 12 and would love to have more but they've stopped coming. Kinda makes me sad.

[myfunnybunch]

Other. Both.

 

My head knew we were done.

 

My heart...well, that's another story.

 

Cat

[Amy in NH]

When we were pregnant with #4, I knew that dh was done. Four were enough for him. I was afraid I wouldn't feel done, but she did complete our family and now I am at peace with wanting more.

[Dmmetler]

In my case, I was warned by my OB after DD was born that I was probably done-that, in fact, due to the adhesions and scarring he was amazed I'd been able to get pregnant with DD at all.

 

Now, 6 years later, and apparently going into perimenopause, I feel like I need to admit defeat and accept that DD is going to be an only, unless DH and I decide to adopt. I don't like it, but I guess that's how it's going to be.

[MamaT]

We both knew we were done with our 6th. She was an adoption and was our third child in two years - one by birth and two by adoption. We both knew we had all we could handle.

[Lolosoli]

I do not think I will ever feel "done". I could be an old lady with a dozen or so kids and I'd still be wanting, "Just one more".

 

We decided do to financial reasons to not have anymore children. It is hard for me to accept....but, it is the right thing to do for the entire family.

[melissel]

I'd have to say other. I felt done for some reasons, but not done for others. Overall, I'm fine with my decision of being done.

 

I agree with this sentiment. I loved being pregnant and miss it terribly. I loved nursing and just about everything that goes with having a little baby and young toddler. I feel a strong urge to have all that again.

 

BUT...I'm also very happy with where we are now, and I don't really want kids spaced 6 years (or more) apart if I can help it. I also know that while I love the baby/young toddler part, I have a MUCH harder time after that.

 

So we're done (assuming no failure of preventive measure, which is always possible, of course), and I'm OK with it, but I still feel open to another baby because I know there's always that chance of a surprise, however small.

[Parrothead]

No. Maybe if we had some say in it...

[Carrie12345]

We said we were "done" after #3, and again after #4, but there was still a bit of maybe at some point after each. Now that #5 is here, I feel absolutely 100% DONE with pregnancy, but I'm not sure I'll ever feel 100% positively done with raising children. Adoption may always be a maybe for us.