AmyP Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I'm so sorry. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 It's OK to feel angry and upset. It's fine for you to come here and vent or dump. We all support you and are here for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: So sorry!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug: So sorry. I have no words. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I am so sorry. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Inna* Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 oh, kari, I can only imagine how much this opens up your wounds. PLEASE have your friend open the package first. You can not afford a mistake with this one. I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say. It makes it all the more tragic, if that were even possible. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Country Mouse Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I am so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyndie Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 My heart breaks anew for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayle in Guatemala Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug:I'm so sorry. It really makes no sense.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bokons Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Of course you are mad at your son. You want him to walk in the kitchen so you can tell him how mad you are. You love him. I am so sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Let your friend be there for you when you open the mail. You are in my thoughts and have a safe haven here for support. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Oh, Kari. :grouphug: The report really brings up some distressing details. I am so sorry. :grouphug: My heart aches for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 the outcome was so tragic regardless. But the details of this are just so extra painful. I will be praying for you in the next few days as you await the report. I'm so sorry, Kari. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Oh my goodness, I am so sorry! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I cant find good words. :grouphug: Our sons are the same age and I think of you every time I think of my oldest. I am so sorry. So sorry. My heart is heavy for you. I've asked my mother's prayer group to pray for you and your boy. You are in my heart constantly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Kari, I would be angry too. This is like experiencing it all over again and I'm so very sorry you have to deal with this - especially the excrutiating details of all the things that needlessly went wrong. You are in my prayers continually - not a day goes by that I do not turn my thoughts to you and your sorrow and pray that God would hold you close and dry your tears. I'm just so, so sorry.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 It's those split-second decisions that alter lives this way that just freak me out. My friend's son died 2 1/2 years ago in a car accident. He was 19. 4 boys in the jeep. Two buckled. Two did not. A drunk driver hit them. The two unbuckled boys died at the scene. They were both ejected from the vehicle as it flipped in the middle of the interstate. A split second decision that could've saved them. The other boys had minor injuries. It haunts me to this day. I watched this child grow up and I have watched the parents suffer greatly. My friend's brother had died in a wreck at 19 as well. She was reliving the nightmare of losing her brother and living the nightmare of losing her son. I wish we could protect our kids from ever making poor choices. I wish we could be with them to make sure they did the things we wish they always would. I cannot imagine your grief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyg Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 So, so, so sorry, Kari. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 (edited) :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I wish I could fill a page with them, so big that you could feel it.....:grouphug: Edited January 5, 2011 by Tap, tap, tap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celia Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Kari, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine anything more painful than losing a child, and the circumstances are so devastating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 What a horrible mix of emotions you must be feeling, anger, frustration, sorrow. I am so sorry. A little boy on my son's basketball team passed away recently and someone wrote this on the funeral home's online guest book and I just thought it was nicely put: death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Kari, Firstly, I am so sorry you are going through this. When my dad died, we were all walking around in a daze - except my mom. I remember being very confused by that, and asking her why she was doing so well (relatively). She looked at me and said "after the first death, there is no other". Then I remembered she had lost my oldest sister as a baby. It is hard, so very hard. Don't listen to anyone tell you that you'll "get over it", or that "it just takes time". It doesn't. You will have days that are better than others. Somewhere along the road, you will wake up and realize that the better days are greater in number than the horrible days, but there will still be closet days. And you have to allow yourself to have them without guilt. When you're a soldier, especially a young soldier, you have to believe you're immortal. It is the only way you can wake up every morning and do your duty. Even when you're not "in the sand", the weight of the world has been placed on your shoulders, and to face it, to carry it, you have to know, to the core of your being, that you can look your mortality in the face - and laugh. It is what brings you through battles, it is what brings you home. And, unfortunately, it sometimes leads you to make very poor decisions. You bore a hero, Kari. A man who made the hard choices, who stared danger in the face, laughed, and lived to tell about it. One poor choice does not invalidate all of the good. Yes, be angry. Be very, very angry. For as long as you need to. I can guarantee you that he was equally angry when one of his buddies died. And then live, Kari. Live for your baby. asta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: So sorry for your loss.:grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug: Oh Kari. I'm praying for you and your family. I experienced a lot of anger when my BIL passed away in a car accident. Different circumstances but the anger was one of the harder parts for me of the grief process. God holds you in the darkness even if you don't feel His arms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freethinkermama Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I'm so sorry. That's just horrible. :grouphug: (I've never actually used a hug smiley before. But this called for it.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomemom Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 There are not any words good enough to convey my sadness for you. :grouphug: & many prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I am so glad you have a dear friend who will come and be with you to help open it. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I al SO sorry that you have to endure this trial. My BIL was killed in an accident under somewhat similar circumstances. (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysticamethyst Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 We feel angry when we are cheated and you were cheated in the worst way possible. Have your friend there when you open the mail. I think of you and family daily :grouphug::grouphug: and prayers as you face this next challenge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie in AR Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I'm so sorry, Kari. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chickenpatty Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awtl Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug: There are so many factors in this, a change in any one of which could have produced a different outcome. My heart would ache, too, until it exploded, I think. Talk all you want. It is healing.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in AL Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Kari, my heart just aches for you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug:I am so sorry. :grouphug::grouphug: me too.... ~~Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug:I'm sorry, hon. In defense of the second officer, he may very well not have had knowledge of the ticket four days prior. I know that in no way helps you though. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 Wow! I can't thank you enough for all this love. I was at a very low, yesterday. I had been doing so much better. Never good, but better. Then it just hits me and I felt like I was going to curl up and die. I still don't feel wonderful today, but at least I am able to not cry all day. Thank you so much for being wonderful ladies that listen to me. I can't even tell you how much that helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 More :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabeline Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug: I am so sorry for your pain. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 I am so sorry. I would be angry too. My son's dating someone who has had many tickets -- some wreckless, and it worries me too. I think women get off on traffic offenses far too often. I mean, I never did, but from what I've heard, there's a way women work them. I have never intentionally gone more than over the speed limit, and yet I've had two speeding tickets. One was in a school zone -- I thought I was out of the zone. Two, I was too scared to question the officer, but I am sure I wasn't going as fast as he said I was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 :grouphug: It's okay to be mad. I'm still mad at dd's fiance'. I'm mad that he went over that waterfall. I'm mad that he did it in front of dd, on her birthday. I'm mad that her perfect life is ruined. I'm mad that I'll never get to see their adorable kids with the long legs and big noses. I'm mad that I'll not get to see him graduate from med school. And I'm mad that it's the 5th again, and I'm crying again. More hugs to you::grouphug: :grouphug: How horrible. I didn't know about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lasulliva Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Coming out of lurking to comment... I went through a similar situation with my dad (he was out fishing with my nephews when a teenager on a skidoo swerved in front of the boat and hit them). Reading the accident report was nearly as bad as the moment I found out about the accident - there are some times I wish I'd just asked the lawyer for the pertinent parts and not read the rest. For what it's worth, though, in some ways it felt like that was the true moment of closure. Just.... be prepared for that - I foolishly thought it wouldn't hit me so hard, and ended up bawling like a baby at a rest stop on the NY thruway. :grouphug: to you, and a separate :grouphug: to your friend for being there for you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Coming out of lurking to comment... I went through a similar situation with my dad (he was out fishing with my nephews when a teenager on a skidoo swerved in front of the boat and hit them). Reading the accident report was nearly as bad as the moment I found out about the accident - there are some times I wish I'd just asked the lawyer for the pertinent parts and not read the rest. For what it's worth, though, in some ways it felt like that was the true moment of closure. Just.... be prepared for that - I foolishly thought it wouldn't hit me so hard, and ended up bawling like a baby at a rest stop on the NY thruway. :grouphug: to you, and a separate :grouphug: to your friend for being there for you I just got his wallet in the mail today. I didn't expect a wallet. They had given me his car keys, license, phone, ipod and chapstick then they brought his body home. There was a wallet in with his belongings that were shipped from his room. I didn't expect a wallet. My husband came home tonight and found the box on our doorstep. I called him while I was out and I thought he sounded a bit off and down since I had talked to him earlier. He said he was fine. When I got home, he asked me if I had seen the box. I said that I had seen it when we left for gymnastics and I just thought it was something he had ordered. He told me it was Timmy's wallet. I was pretty good today and now I am just sick again. I just want all of this to go away. I can't take each little bit that comes at me when I am not expecting it. I do not know if I will read the accident report. I can see how I have completely gone downhill just hearing it was available. I am thinking if I read it that I will just lose it for awhile. I think I may just put it away for 20 years. I don't know. Thank you for sharing your story with me. It does help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Kari, Firstly, I am so sorry you are going through this. When my dad died, we were all walking around in a daze - except my mom. I remember being very confused by that, and asking her why she was doing so well (relatively). She looked at me and said "after the first death, there is no other". Then I remembered she had lost my oldest sister as a baby. It is hard, so very hard. Don't listen to anyone tell you that you'll "get over it", or that "it just takes time". It doesn't. You will have days that are better than others. Somewhere along the road, you will wake up and realize that the better days are greater in number than the horrible days, but there will still be closet days. And you have to allow yourself to have them without guilt. When you're a soldier, especially a young soldier, you have to believe you're immortal. It is the only way you can wake up every morning and do your duty. Even when you're not "in the sand", the weight of the world has been placed on your shoulders, and to face it, to carry it, you have to know, to the core of your being, that you can look your mortality in the face - and laugh. It is what brings you through battles, it is what brings you home. And, unfortunately, it sometimes leads you to make very poor decisions. You bore a hero, Kari. A man who made the hard choices, who stared danger in the face, laughed, and lived to tell about it. One poor choice does not invalidate all of the good. Yes, be angry. Be very, very angry. For as long as you need to. I can guarantee you that he was equally angry when one of his buddies died. And then live, Kari. Live for your baby. asta Thank you for writing this. I have read it a few times today. You are right that he thought he was immortal. I had talked to him 2 days before about the danger of texting and driving. He had just gotten a new sports car and had a lead foot. He could have just as easily killed himself with the speed he liked. I told him he needed to be careful. I can hear him as clear as day saying, "I am not afraid to die, Mom." It haunts me because it was just 2 days before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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