Jump to content

Menu
Giving You and Your Child a Road Map to the Best Possible Education
The Well-Trained Mind Community

Sad update on my sister

Moxie

By Moxie,
in General Education Discussion Board

 Share

Recommended Posts

Moxie

Moxie

Posted
Posted

Baby Jacob will be delivered today. He is only 18 weeks so there is no chance. The hospital offered to have a photographer take pictures but my sister said no. I'm so worried that she is making a mistake and that she will want pictures later. I don't know what to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Catwoman

Catwoman

Posted
Posted

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry. I was praying for a miracle, but I knew the chances were incredibly slim.

 

Is there any way that you can arrange for the photo to be taken and just not give it to your sister right now? That way, if she ever changes her mind, it will be there for her, and if she doesn't, she needn't ever know it existed.

 

Cat

Link to comment
Share on other sites
OnTheBrink

OnTheBrink

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry. What a horrible end to the year!

 

I have a friend who's an ob nurse and she says they take pictures even if the parents say no, because most of the time, the parents come back and want them. They aren't the glamorous pics, just hospital ones, but most of the time, the parents do want them later.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
*~Tina~*

*~Tina~*

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry for your family's loss :grouphug: Your sister and family must be devastated.

 

You can certainly encourage and share your feelings about the pictures, but I'd do so gently and not push the matter. It is ultimately up to her and I can see where that'd be a very tough decision to make. There are other ways she can memorialize and honor her son.

 

I wrote a poem called "Until Then" to help me with my grief when I had a miscarriage. It's something you are welcome to print off and share with her. Maybe you could print it or another comforting poem on a sheet with an ultrasound picture inset or beautiful background along with the baby's name and "heaven date" and frame it for her?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
mom26

mom26

Posted
Posted
I'm so sorry for your family's loss :grouphug: Your sister and family must be devastated.

 

You can certainly encourage and share your feelings about the pictures, but I'd do so gently and not push the matter. It is ultimately up to her and I can see where that'd be a very tough decision to make. There are other ways she can memorialize and honor her son.

 

I wrote a poem called "Until Then" to help me with my grief when I had a miscarriage. It's something you are welcome to print off and share with her. Maybe you could print it or another comforting poem on a sheet with an ultrasound picture inset or beautiful background along with the baby's name and "heaven date" and frame it for her?

 

I went to your blog and read your poem...beautiful...I have had 2 losses as well and a friend just delivered her son at 25 weeks...sadly he lived only a few hours. I will copy this poem for her...they did have pictures taken and they are such a comfort to the family(this was to be #7 and the kids were so excited for another boy) The pics were so tastefully done and displayed at the memorial a few weeks ago...but I realize it is such a personal decision and what is right for one may not be a help to another.

 

Sorry for your losses as well~

Link to comment
Share on other sites
i.love.lucy

i.love.lucy

Posted
Posted

I am so sorry.:grouphug:

 

Not sure about the pictures. Babies at that stage don't look like our plump little pretty babies. My son was born at 29 weeks and even though he is healthy and strong now, I have a hard time looking at pics of him back then. I don't know though, maybe it's because it reminds me of what we *almost* lost. But if I had lost him maybe I would be glad I had the pics. I suppose I might err on the side of encouraging her or the hospital to do it and she can decide later as she processes her grief better.

 

So, so sorry!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
StephanieZ

StephanieZ

Posted
Posted
:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry. I was praying for a miracle, but I knew the chances were incredibly slim.

 

Is there any way that you can arrange for the photo to be taken and just not give it to your sister right now? That way, if she ever changes her mind, it will be there for her, and if she doesn't, she needn't ever know it existed.

 

Cat

 

No, don't do this. I know it is well-meaning, but if the mother doesn't want the pics to exist, then I think you have to respect that. It could be seen as a deep betrayal.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nakia

Nakia

Posted
Posted

God bless her. I am so very sorry. I will continue to pray for her and your entire family. :grouphug:

 

ETA: At the hospital where I work, the ob nurses take pictures of the babies with a disposable camera. Then mom and dad can decide later if they want to get them developed or not. I'm not sure if all hospitals do that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
astrid

astrid

Posted
Posted
No, don't do this. I know it is well-meaning, but if the mother doesn't want the pics to exist, then I think you have to respect that. It could be seen as a deep betrayal.

 

I agree. She might want to think of Baby Jacob as she always imagined him. Just a thought.

 

So sorry for your family's loss----keeping you all in thoughts and prayers.

 

astrid

Link to comment
Share on other sites
DawnM

DawnM

Posted
Posted

So sorry. I had a college roommate to whom this happened. Baby girl born at 20 something weeks, stillborn.

 

They did take pictures, but it was planned that way.

 

The next Christmas I gave them an ornament with the baby's name and date of birth on it.

 

Praying,

 

Dawn

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ginevra

Ginevra

Posted
Posted

:grouphug: I am soooo sorry. She will want the photos. I would suggest taking some with your own camera, or even just take them without getting her permission. I lost a baby at birth (full-term stillbirth) and those photos are priceless to me. I only wish I had more of them. I took pictures with a camera that had no film in it (before digital). I wish my SIL had just taken pictures without getting my consent.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
snipsnsnailsx5

snipsnsnailsx5

Posted
Posted

I think it depends on the person. My parents lost my first sister at 38 weeks. The hospital took pictures and gave them to my parents. But my parents, after one look, never wanted to see them again. They refused to show them to us kids (even as adults) and I think they actually destroyed them eventually. It just wasn't what they wanted to remember their baby by. :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites
*~Tina~*

*~Tina~*

Posted
Posted
I went to your blog and read your poem...beautiful...I have had 2 losses as well and a friend just delivered her son at 25 weeks...sadly he lived only a few hours. I will copy this poem for her...they did have pictures taken and they are such a comfort to the family(this was to be #7 and the kids were so excited for another boy) The pics were so tastefully done and displayed at the memorial a few weeks ago...but I realize it is such a personal decision and what is right for one may not be a help to another.

 

Sorry for your losses as well~

 

Thank you. I'm sorry for your losses and your friend's as well. I hope the poem brings her some small comfort.

 

I think any gesture or gift with a personal touch is appreciated in such circumstances. I don't know if you saw the following post on my blog, but this was something my sister did for me after the first miscarriage that was meant so much to me.

 

http://seasonsoflearning.blogspot.com/2009/12/something-so-precious.html

 

I even added a second ornament this year for the second loss. It's just a small way to remember.

 

To the OP, even with the best of intentions, I would not take pictures against the mother's wishes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Erica in PA

Erica in PA

Posted
Posted
I think it depends on the person. My parents lost my first sister at 38 weeks. The hospital took pictures and gave them to my parents. But my parents, after one look, never wanted to see them again. They refused to show them to us kids (even as adults) and I think they actually destroyed them eventually. It just wasn't what they wanted to remember their baby by. :(

 

I can relate to this. I had an ultrasound picture of a baby that I miscarried, and every time I came across it, it broke my heart all over again. I eventually threw it away, because I just couldn't take the sadness that the picture brought up. I have never missed having it, though I will *always* miss that baby. Not having a picture hasn't made me forget, but having the picture made me remember too vividly. People handle these things differently, so please respect your sister's wishes. I will be praying for her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
beezus

beezus

Posted
Posted
I can relate to this. I had an ultrasound picture of a baby that I miscarried, and every time I came across it, it broke my heart all over again. I eventually threw it away, because I just couldn't take the sadness that the picture brought up. I have never missed having it, though I will *always* miss that baby. Not having a picture hasn't made me forget, but having the picture made me remember too vividly. People handle these things differently, so please respect your sister's wishes. I will be praying for her.

 

This was me as well. I just didn't want that graphic reminder of a baby that miscarried. I can understand that people can feel strongly one way or the other, and neither seems inherently right or wrong, but your sister has expressed her wishes on the subject, and I think those wishes should be respected.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Moxie

Moxie

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Updating

 

Thank you all for your prayers. We need them.

 

After making her wait all day:mad:, they did some more tests and Baby Jacob has passed away. She will deliver tonight. Her doctor encouraged her to have the pictures done so she is going to have them. I'm not there with her but my Mom and another sister are, thank God.

 

It is so unfair. She struggled to get pregnant for so many years and now this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
AngelBee

AngelBee

Posted
Posted
Updating

 

Thank you all for your prayers. We need them.

 

After making her wait all day:mad:, they did some more tests and Baby Jacob has passed away. She will deliver tonight. Her doctor encouraged her to have the pictures done so she is going to have them. I'm not there with her but my Mom and another sister are, thank God.

 

It is so unfair. She struggled to get pregnant for so many years and now this.

:( I have no words. I am expecting myself and can not even fathom what she is going through. :::crying:::

 

:grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
jenL

jenL

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry... that is horrible news. My heart aches for her. When I was pregnant with my eldest, my co-worker had to deliver her son at 24 weeks. He lived an hour and a half. Knowing this, I was so worried when you said Baby Jacob was only 18 weeks. I am so very sorry. :grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ginevra

Ginevra

Posted
Posted
Updating

 

Thank you all for your prayers. We need them.

 

After making her wait all day, they did some more tests and Baby Jacob has passed away. She will deliver tonight. Her doctor encouraged her to have the pictures done so she is going to have them. I'm not there with her but my Mom and another sister are, thank God.

 

It is so unfair. She struggled to get pregnant for so many years and now this.

 

I am so sorry. It will hurt her for a long, long time. I would say it took all of seven years for me to get to somewhat of an okay place, but it's also possible that when I get to 10 years, I will realize that there was still more healing I had not gotten at this point.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Impish

Impish

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry. Glad she's getting the pics done...even if she can't bear to look at them now, time may change that.

 

This is a quote that a friend of mine who gave birth to a 'sleeping baby' (her term) found great comfort in, so I wanted to pass it along.

 

An angel with the book of life wrote down my baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book, "Too beautiful for earth"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...