Grandma feels that we are abusive, afriad she will say something to kids

[Lovedtodeath]

She sent me this article about sexual boundaries.

 

My daughter (8) refuses to bathe alone, so DH and I take turns watching her in the bath or shower while she washes herself. We all dress/undress/run from the shower naked in front of each other. We share our beds; our children have never gotten used to sleeping alone and don't want to.

 

I feel that we don't have a problem now, but if Grandma says something to her about it then she might start to feel ashamed, etc. and an abusive type feeling memory could ensue. Ugh. I don't know what to do.

 

http://www.wethechildren.com/boundriesenglish.htm

[Jean in Newcastle]

First off, stop telling Grandma about all this. I figure that you must have told her and that she wasn't sitting there watching you watch her in the tub, or running around naked. . .

[Claire in NM]

Just reading your thread is a bit disturbing. Since your dd will be maturing physically soon, I would strongly recommend you remove DH from bathroom duty with your daughter.

 

Claire in NM

[misidawnrn]

I grew up in a very "naked" house, meaning, the bathroom door was always open whether someone was going potty, showering etc. It was just common place for us girls to watch mom get dressed (never our stepdad though) but I remember seeing my bio dad in his underwear a lot, no big deal.

The same is at our house now. DD's see me naked, little DD showers with me and DH (she is almost 2), big DD bathes with little DD and sometimes showers with me (never with my DH, who is her stepdad). Our bathroom door is open all of the time when I am in it. DH gets to potty alone mostly but little DD butts right in.

Little DD doesn't sleep in our bed anymore but does go to bed in our bed, snuggles and nurses and then goes to her own bed. Both DH and I sleep in our underwear.

 

I think if you don't make nudity an issue it won't be. When and if DD's show any aversion to it and want modesty, then it will be honored. I don't let big DD run around the house naked however, she needs to at least have a towel on. I fully trust my DH to the max but my stepdad molested my 2 sisters so I have some weird thing about that I guess. DH respects that completely.

 

I would stop telling gramma too so it doesn't become someone else's preferances given to your children.

[missesd]

I agree, some things in a family are personal and should stay such, even within your extended family.

 

However I disagree with Claire. I have an 8 yr old boy, and I would see nothing wrong with sitting with him while he was in the bath/shower. My daughter is nearly 7, and I also have no problem with DH doing the same. We don't do that, but I don't have a problem with either scenario. I think it we make it a "bad thing" in our mind, overtly sexual or whatever, then it will be... but it doesn't have to be. To me, it is completely innocent. These are OUR children we are talking about, not a neighbor kid. WE have changed their diapers, treated their rashes, took them to the Peds, bathed them.. there is nothing even slightly "risque" there... they are OUR babies. Plain and simple, there is a cherished innocence about that, that one should never taint. Now if she was closer to 10, I might say yeah it was time to back off- especially for DH. The approximate age for maturity varies, but I think about 10 is a good age to start to set some boundaries and step back a little.

 

In my house, my babies sleep with me. Lena in my bed, Livvy next to my bed in her own bed, and Jamie sometimes crashes on the floor near me. Many times they ALL end up in my bed... and that is o-kay ;) They are only little for so long, and they are my last so as long as they need me, I will be here for them. That is what I am here for, what I am designed to be... their mother in whatever capacity that is.

 

I do potty with the door open, DH does not, but I like to hear what is going on. I only use the potty in my bedroom though, so it isn't so bad. And I am deaf in one ear. I do not shower or bathe with any of them. I stopped that when my youngest was about 2 or so. I will put a bra on in front of the littles, no shame, but not panties for propriety sake. But I nursed all of them, and the older ones saw it with their younger siblings. Usually though I will turn away.

 

I don't make nakedness an issue so much either. It's not a major situation, but I am on Olivia a little more these days about not running around in her panties, and to put a top on over her little bippies. I am trying to teach her it is inappropriate for a girl to run around like that. Her 4 yr old sister, of course has a little more lee-way where that is concerned. I have counseled Jamie though about changing his underwear in front of everyone, or running from the bath/shower to the bedroom stark naked... LOL He is getting older, and he needs to be more sensitive to those in the house not comfortable with that. Hubby does run around in his undies, but they consist of a tee-shirt and very loose boxer brief type bottoms. Usually, though he has pj bottoms on over it or sweat pants.

 

Now that I have given a run down of how naked we are in my house... I think I'll be going... LOL

[cindergretta]

Just reading your thread is a bit disturbing. Since your dd will be maturing physically soon, I would strongly recommend you remove DH from bathroom duty with your daughter.

 

Claire in NM

 

I have to respectfully disagree.

 

On a more general note, I think it is sad that a father is automatically assumed to be unable to "handle" being around his daughter. :(

 

OP - keep private family matters private. If a certain situation is working well for your family, don't let others, even family members, turn it into something dirty. I am all about respecting boundaries and privacy. My dc determine when they want to start closing the door to the bathroom, changing in their own room, stop chatting with me while *I* use the potty. ::giggle:: I leave it up to their comfort to set the boundary. And dhd and I respect their boundary.

 

Interestingly, the oldest two are much more private with their own person than with mine. :lol: They have *no* problems talking to me when I am using the bathroom or coming in to chat while I shower!! :tongue_smilie:

[missesd]

I have to respectfully disagree.

 

On a more general note, I think it is sad that a father is automatically assumed to be unable to "handle" being around his daughter. :(

 

I just want to say in regards to what I said up above, it's not that I don't think he could handle it, though my husband had a hard time even bathing the girls as babies, because of all the stigma against men as fathers being the automatic suspect of abuse. I said that for the fathers protection, because of all the jump to conclusions.

[cindergretta]

I just want to say in regards to what I said up above, it's not that I don't think he could handle it, though my husband had a hard time even bathing the girls as babies, because of all the stigma against men as fathers being the automatic suspect of abuse. I said that for the fathers protection, because of all the jump to conclusions.

 

::hug:: This is what I find sad - the stigma. :( The fact that loving fathers are afraid to change dipes or hug their dds.

[Hannah]

because of all the stigma against men as fathers being the automatic suspect of abuse. I said that for the fathers protection, because of all the jump to conclusions.

 

I find this extremely sad.

This is one thing about American society that I've learned on this board - that there is an expectation that nudity and sexualisation go together. And the suspicions that men have to live with.

[Ravin]

Your mother is being a prude. We honestly have a higher expectation of clothing around here than I would have otherwise because BIL lives with us and he's not comfortable with nudity. In our bedroom, though, DD has seen us naked and who cares? She still showers with me sometimes--generally at her request. She likes having help with rinsing her hair to keep water out of her eyes. And DH is as likely as me to be the one meeting her with a towel when she gets out of a solo shower.

 

Anyway, there are always boundaries--I'm the only one who ever goes to the bathroom with the door open, and then only to littles--DD is having to learn to leave me alone in there for that. DD, I think, will come to appreciate bathroom privacy a bit more once she has a mobile younger sibling.;)

 

If I was you I'd do my best not to let your mother's issues cloud your children's comfort levels with nudity/modesty/communal bathing.

[Peela]

The article you have linked to is just silly-it's just someone's opinion- dont be fooled by the fact they are "doctors"- they are just people with opinions and their opinion is no more valid than anyone else's. Its an issue of values and lifestyles, not medical science. THere are many articles you could find that would refudiate that article.

I also grew up in a family where nudity- even of my father- was normal and no big deal and definitely non sexual. It was nothing to see either of my parents walk from the bathroom to the bedroom naked, and my brother and I were the same.

Live the life YOU want to live with your kids and dont be intimidated by others. Have confidence that how you are is natural, not sexual. But also...your dd will respond to anything granma says with half an eye on how YOU respond to what granma says. So be really clear yourself that what you are doing is fine...and then get clear with how you might deal with granma is she were to somehow find out and then somehow decide it is abuse. I think I would keep granma at a healthy distance if she was that sort of a person, personally.

My kids never took on granma's values. Their nanna used to make comments about my dd's very healthy figure and tell her not to eat too much because she wouldnt want her little tummy to get any bigger...things like that. For one thing...nanna hasnt been a huge part of our lives. For another....we always immediately counter anything like that with our own perspective and nanna's well meaning comments just slid off.

And one day your dd will realise that some other people dont walk around naked even inside their own homes, and thats ok too. Kids are smart- they work it all out pretty quickly and adapt accordingly.

The Family Bed is a well documented phenomenon- I wouldn't worry about it.

[Lovedtodeath]

Emily is close to my mom and she will say things that let Mom know what is going on... especially about the sleeping issue. I really don't know how much she tells or Grandma knows.

 

Regarding the article... I could see us gradually changing, and we are... but suddenly setting a boundary at age 3 is just stupid.

[nd293]

I think Hannah observations about the skewed view of the relationship nudity and sexualisation is very astute.

 

But, to offer specific support, there is a lovely picture book called "Staying at Sam's" by Jenny Hessell which compares the different boundaries in place at two homes - from once-a-year-kisses reserve to everyone-in-the-bathroom-at-the-same-time openness. The beautiful thing about the book is that each child feels loved and at home in his own home - the approaches are different, not right or wrong. Although the book is aimed at younger children, it would make a good introduction to a discussion about different values and expectations of privacy.

 

Nikki

[Laura Corin]

Just reading your thread is a bit disturbing. Since your dd will be maturing physically soon, I would strongly recommend you remove DH from bathroom duty with your daughter.

 

Claire in NM

 

If family nakedness is the norm then it can continue until someone feels unhappy about it. I see Hobbes naked regularly - he doesn't cover up in front of me. At some point, just like Calvin before him, he'll start to avoid my seeing him naked - that will be fine.

 

Laura

[Peela]

Just reading your thread is a bit disturbing. Since your dd will be maturing physically soon, I would strongly recommend you remove DH from bathroom duty with your daughter.

 

Claire in NM

 

No, in many families it is quite normal for fathers and daughters to be very matter of fact about opposite sex nudity, and mothers and sons too. In other cultures also, there is not such a fuss about nudity. It is very much a cultural thing, rather than an inherent one.

[MomOfOneFunOne]

Do not sweat it (I mean, unless there is a problem you're not mentioning). It is absolutely no big deal. At 8 my daughter still wanted company when she was bathing. She's say, "Bathing is a lonely business, Mom. Come and read to me."

 

She'd never close the door for any bathroom business and couldn't understand why anyone else would.

 

Then she began to develop. All the rules changed.

 

Now her door is closed and locked b/f she'll even change into her jams. If we even knock to say something or see if anyone is there, she's outraged and her whole sense of privacy has been infinged.

 

Parenting is a crazy ride.

[Nestof3]

Why do you have to watch her? I mean, she could just pull the shower curtain.

 

I have seen the boys in the bathtub, and the boys still run through the house naked when they go to get dressed. They'll stop when they are uncomfortable with it.

 

I'm just saying the curtain could be closed, but you could still be in the bathroom. I mean, if it's an everyday sort of thing. That's all.

 

We don't have any adult nudity here.

Edited December 25, 2010 by nestof3

[Tree House Academy]

Just reading your thread is a bit disturbing. Since your dd will be maturing physically soon, I would strongly recommend you remove DH from bathroom duty with your daughter.

 

Claire in NM

 

I absolutely disagree. I often help my ds7 get dressed or help dry him off good after a shower. He is still a little child. Trust me, when a child starts to FEEL self conscious (my 11 year old wouldn't dare let me in the bathroom while he showers! Nor would I need to be there for any reason..), that is when it is time to stop. Until then, it is NOT a big deal unless you make it one. My ds7 is my son. I changed his diaper and I am a trusted adult - I gave birth to him for God's sake! He will let me know when he wants me to respect his privacy (just like my older ds did with starting to close the door and such) and at that time, I will absolutely do so.

 

We do not get naked in front of him, though.

Edited December 25, 2010 by Tree House Academy

[Lovedtodeath]

 

Until then, it is NOT a big deal unless you make it one.

I am comfortable with our decisions. What I worry about is my mom making it into a big deal.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

Why do you have to watch her? I mean, she could just pull the shower curtain.

Too afraid to do that too. :001_rolleyes: Mainly so that she can see us though. It is not like we stare at her. :001_rolleyes:

[Lovedtodeath]

Thanks for your support everyone!:grouphug:

I think Hannah observations about the skewed view of the relationship nudity and sexualisation is very astute.

 

But, to offer specific support, there is a lovely picture book called "Staying at Sam's" by Jenny Hessell which compares the different boundaries in place at two homes - from once-a-year-kisses reserve to everyone-in-the-bathroom-at-the-same-time openness. The beautiful thing about the book is that each child feels loved and at home in his own home - the approaches are different, not right or wrong. Although the book is aimed at younger children, it would make a good introduction to a discussion about different values and expectations of privacy.

 

Nikki

Thank you. I will look for it.

[susankenny]

Wow. I didn't realize it would be considered weird to see parents or children naked. My kids both see me naked. Heck, my 7 year old (boy) will still jump in the shower with me. My husband will not let our 9 year old see him naked at all, but my little man still can see his daddy. When my daughter matures, she won't be naked in front of my husband either, but right now she's just a little girl and feels comfortable changing into PJ's with my dh around, etc. It's no biggie at all. With other people, there is total modesty, but with each other...it's not an issue. It certainly doesn't seem weird ...at least not to us.

 

 

Susan

[Tree House Academy]

I am comfortable with our decisions. What I worry about is my mom making it into a big deal.

 

Oh, I know. I was responding to the post I quoted. I think what you are doing is absolutely FINE and your mom needs to butt out (but don't they all? LOL).

[Truscifi]

Ds7 is just now getting to the point that he doesn't want us to be in the room when he changes clothes. He has also started closing the bathroom door when he bathes or uses the bathroom. Of course, he still occasionally streaks through the house too, and a closed door when one of us is in the bathroom is meaningless, he just opens the door to talk to us, then closes it back when he's done. We have never made nudity an issue other than to tell him it is not polite to be naked in front of strangers or guests - he used to dislike wearing clothes due to sensory issues, so we at one point had to make a rule that he had to at least wear underwear when company was over. It has only been in the last year that he has stopped running naked at home.

 

Grandma's issues are her issues, not yours. Explain to her that your dd is scared to be alone in the bathroom, and when she starts wanting privacy you will happily give it to her. Or better yet, tell her you can raise your kids just fine, thank you very much, and don't give her any explanation.

[OnTheBrink]

Why is your dd afraid to bathe alone? That seems more strange to me than her father being in the bathroom with her. But, I don't think it's strange in some bizarre, perverted sense.

 

Unless there is some law against a father seeing his 8 year old daughter nekkie, then I'd not worry about it. As long as your dd is ok with it, it's her comfort that's important here, not Grandma's.

[Tohru]

When I was in 4th grade, I remember several incidences where this one girl friend would tell us that she saw her dad naked and thought it was gross, but was scared to tell her parents she didn't like seeing either of them naked.

 

And I also remember hearing a boy tell his friends how he got to see his mom's "****" and the other boys in awe asking what they looked like.

 

Personally, I wonder about the childs future sexuality.

Edited December 25, 2010 by jadedone80

[Laura Corin]

 

Personally, I wonder about the kids future sexuality - will they be laying in bed with their spouse remembering their parent's naked bodies?

 

The last thing I found it was sexually stimulating. It just was what it was: family with no clothes on.

 

Laura

[Cindyz]

When I was in 4th grade, I remember several incidences where this one girl friend would tell us that she saw her dad naked and thought it was gross, but was scared to tell her parents she didn't like seeing either of them naked.

 

And I also remember hearing a boy tell his friends how he got to see his mom's "****" and the other boys in awe asking what they looked like.

 

Personally, I wonder about the childs future sexuality. - will they be laying in bed with their spouse remembering their parent's naked bodies?

 

My dad walked around the house naked up until he moved out when I was about 14 or 15. I didn't like it but was afraid to say anything. It's one of my most distinct memories of him and yes I have told my husband about this and at 40+ years old I am still reminded of it from time to time. Eventually I realized that he was very well endowed and it was a bit disconcerting to realize that I was inadvertently comparing size.

 

Having said all of that and blushing at the same time, I still believe that it's ok to be naked in front of our kids and vice versa up to a certain point. I believe that point is puberty, and even then I think it's ok for dads and sons and mothers and daughters to be naked and shower together at the gym or pool communal showers and to get dressed in front of each other indefinitely. For fathers and daughters, and sons and mothers, I think it should stop by puberty (and for most will naturally).

 

As for the family bed, I see nothing wrong with it whatsoever. Most adults don't like to sleep alone, so why should children be forced to do so? My son is welcome in our bed most anytime he wants. He slept with us full time until he was about 3 or 4 and then just naturally migrated to his own bed most of the time, but still asks to sleep with us occasionally and I always say yes.

[kalanamak]

No, in many families it is quite normal for fathers and daughters to be very matter of fact about opposite sex nudity, and mothers and sons too. In other cultures also, there is not such a fuss about nudity. It is very much a cultural thing, rather than an inherent one.

 

I make a big deal out of not making it a big deal...neither the nudity, nor the kid's desire for privacy. For awhile, when 4, kiddo was barging into my room, and I wanted him to knock "in case I was dressing". After our little talk, he forgot one day and came pelting in a full speed to tell me something. I was dressing. He kept running, kept telling me about it at top volume, but covered his eyes and ran full pelt into my metal bed, bounced off and fell down. After he finished telling me about the bird at the feeder he announced he wasn't hurt and hadn't seen me either.:lol:

[lionfamily1999]

We're not big on naked here :p But, we only have one bathroom ;) That gets shared A LOT.

 

Your mother should know from experience that when kids start developing they are the ones that lock doors and scream for privacy ;) Don't worry, when Emily and your little man need their privacy they will let you know.

[colleenebeans]

I make a big deal out of not making it a big deal...neither the nudity, nor the kid's desire for privacy. For awhile, when 4, kiddo was barging into my room, and I wanted him to knock "in case I was dressing". After our little talk, he forgot one day and came pelting in a full speed to tell me something. I was dressing. He kept running, kept telling me about it at top volume, but covered his eyes and ran full pelt into my metal bed, bounced off and fell down. After he finished telling me about the bird at the feeder he announced he wasn't hurt and hadn't seen me either.:lol:

 

This is what my son does! He is now 10 and it doesnt happen as often. (Not going thru puberty yet) He is oblivious to any type of privacy. I would be in my room changing with the door closed and he will bust in to have a conversation and if he even noticed that I was changing he would cover his eyes and bounce around the room(depending on what he ran into) and keep on a goin' with what ever it was that he needed to tell me. We have 1 bathroom and if he needs to go, he has no shame coming in and standing right in front of you to tell you...LOL. Even when he is taking a shower, he will call me in and just want to talk if something is on his mind. We dont have a curtain, but we have glass sliding doors and he could care less. We have never made nudity an issue and I encourage open talk about our bodies to him. He just isnt too interested in it all yet and when he starts to mature, Im sure his "lack of privacy" will change. I remember when he was little, if a woman had a bikini on he would say "ahhh, shes naked, my eyes, they burn..." :lol: Its just not a big issue in our house.

 

My best friend has a huge issue with being anything less than fully clothed in front of her kids. Her son is to the point where he has developed a fear of people seeing him in swim trunks or naked at the doctors.

 

So, saying all of that, I think there are extremes on the "is nudity okay" spectrum and somewhere in the middle is just right...LOL. I think your situation is okay, just keep making sure she is not uncomfy and you will be fine.

 

Oh, and Im totally for the family bed, but I only have one child so it works. Over the last year or so my son has finally been sleeping in his bed more than ours. My major concern as was his doctors, was that everyone was getting a good nights sleep, could care less which bed it was in.

[NanceXToo]

Personally, I do not feel that there is anything wrong with your husband seeing your daughter in the bath if your daughter is still at an age that she's comfortable with that. (Heck, my daughter just turned 10 and she still has no qualms whatsoever about her father seeing her naked, although that is just naturally becoming much more rare these days).

 

I don't feel there's anything wrong with you dressing/undressing in front of your daughter and vice versa if you are both comfortable with that.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with sharing your bed if that works for your family.

 

The ONE place where I do personally draw the line, though--- I wouldn't personally find it appropriate for my husband to be undressing in front of my daughter if she were older than like age 6 or so.

 

ETA: As for the article...I find a lot of it ridiculous. (P.S. I kiss my 5 y/o son's neck all.the.time! I guess I'm abusing him :P)

Edited December 26, 2010 by NanceXToo

[Joanne]

She sent me this article about sexual boundaries.

 

My daughter (8) refuses to bathe alone, so DH and I take turns watching her in the bath or shower while she washes herself. We all dress/undress/run from the shower naked in front of each other. We share our beds; our children have never gotten used to sleeping alone and don't want to.

 

I feel that we don't have a problem now, but if Grandma says something to her about it then she might start to feel ashamed, etc. and an abusive type feeling memory could ensue. Ugh. I don't know what to do.

 

http://www.wethechildren.com/boundriesenglish.htm

 

Ugh. Please don't read or use this site. It's awful. I'm nearly finished earning the same educational designation, and I am so not impressed with this site. It's poorly written, poorly documented, offers bad parenting advice and is mis-informed and the writers are unable to distinguish cultural from inherent.

 

I'm against spanking and I *hate* the no spanking advice on this site.

 

I'm glad you are comfortable with your choices. Stop discussing them with your mom and don't have her around when they are going to be demonstrated (such as when your afraid dd needs company in the bathroom).

[parias1126]

That article is just ridiculous! I mean, seriously, my 6 yr old ds just started about 2 months ago bathing himself. He hates water in his face and refused to take a shower and always asks for help in the bath. He will be 7 in February.

 

In my house, I haven't been able to go to the bathroom in peace since I had a child 17 years ago. I have a 17 yr old DD who still sleeps on the floor next to my bed very often.

 

I just can't even believe this. If it were my mom, I would tell her to mind her own business. She raised her family already. Assuming this is your mom, I am sure she realizes she raised a decent human being so its time for her to step off and let you be the mom now and raise your family as you see fit.

[Lovedtodeath]

Ugh. Please don't read or use this site. It's awful. I'm nearly finished earning the same educational designation, and I am so not impressed with this site. It's poorly written, poorly documented, offers bad parenting advice and is mis-informed and the writers are unable to distinguish cultural from inherent.

 

I'm against spanking and I *hate* the no spanking advice on this site.

 

I'm glad you are comfortable with your choices. Stop discussing them with your mom and don't have her around when they are going to be demonstrated (such as when your afraid dd needs company in the bathroom).

 

Thank you Thank you Thank you!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[hsbaby]

I just read the article. What a bunch of garbage!!! A child sleeping in your bed as crossing some sort of sexual line? Completely absurd!!!

[KatieH]

When I was in 4th grade, I remember several incidences where this one girl friend would tell us that she saw her dad naked and thought it was gross, but was scared to tell her parents she didn't like seeing either of them naked.

 

 

 

Yeah, this seems pretty common. Just because mom and dad are fine with it doesn't mean the kids are. When you make a big deal about how being naked isn't a big deal, it makes kids who are uncomfortable with it feel like there's something wrong with them.

[Heather in AL]

I can't get over that article. Wow. There are some really strange things written in there.

 

While I am a very private person and prefer to dress/undress in private, I have no problems with those who are the opposite. We all have different comfort zones. Your dd will tell you (either by words or actions) when she is ready to have privacy while bathing.

 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. :grouphug:

[Farrar]

::hug:: This is what I find sad - the stigma. :( The fact that loving fathers are afraid to change dipes or hug their dds.

 

I think it's not just sad, it's horrible. And the more people who give into it by suspecting without any evidence that their daughter's friend's father might be touching their kid inappropriately or that the child's grandfather might molest her if they let him spend time with her or that their own husband might think about a daughter that way just makes it worse. Also when men change their behavior to not hug their daughters and not be involved in totally normal ways with children in their communities, it's giving in to a completely false, illogical assumption. It's sick that our society is now suspicious of men this way.

 

To the OP, as she does grow up, you might think about doing casual check ins to see if she's still really comfortable with things as they are. And you might think about encouraging a stronger sense of privacy for the future. I don't think there's anything wrong with things as they are, but I do think it's important to think ahead - she really can't bathe with you in the room forever - eventually it won't seem appropriate anymore - not because of abuse, of course, but because she has to grow up. But you may already be on top of that.

[....]

Ugh. Please don't read or use this site. It's awful. I'm nearly finished earning the same educational designation, and I am so not impressed with this site. It's poorly written, poorly documented, offers bad parenting advice and is mis-informed and the writers are unable to distinguish cultural from inherent.

 

I'm against spanking and I *hate* the no spanking advice on this site.

 

I'm glad you are comfortable with your choices. Stop discussing them with your mom and don't have her around when they are going to be demonstrated (such as when your afraid dd needs company in the bathroom).

 

:iagree: As someone who shares a 1000 square foot house with 6 people in it...and is married to a man born in a foreign country...we wouldn't be having this discussion in Europe or parts of Asia.

[justamouse]

We're a naked house. (I know, don't act all surprised :D)

 

I used to let the littles run nekkid outise all the time (especially good for potty training!) I asked the neighbor across the street if it bothered her. She, being French Canadian was not bothered IN THE LEAST and told me some funny stories @ herself before the neighborhood got built up. :001_smile:

 

I find this extremely sad.

This is one thing about American society that I've learned on this board - that there is an expectation that nudity and sexualisation go together. And the suspicions that men have to live with.

 

:iagree:

 

Emily is close to my mom and she will say things that let Mom know what is going on... especially about the sleeping issue. I really don't know how much she tells or Grandma knows.

 

Regarding the article... I could see us gradually changing, and we are... but suddenly setting a boundary at age 3 is just stupid.

 

 

If there is a talk about boundaries that has to be had-it's one with your daughter and telling her that she isn't allowed to share everything with gramma.

 

:iagree: As someone who shares a 1000 square foot house with 6 people in it...and is married to a man born in a foreign country...we wouldn't be having this discussion in Europe or parts of Asia.

 

lolol

[tammyw]

A friend once said "soon we'll be forced to gouge out our eyeballs for seeing our own children naked". It makes me sad. Yes, there are sick people out there, but that's something different altogether.

 

I definitely think that people will have negative thoughts about EVERYTHING we do. Hey, many think that breastfeeding past six months is sexual abuse!! I guess the most important thing is to do what feels comfortable in your family, which is different in every household.

 

We know that there are things we just can't talk about with others. Our kids migrate to our bed every night, at some point. Sometimes it'd be nice to have more than a foot of bed, but I keep thinking that when they are grown, I am going to have these special memories of waking up with my sweet children next to me, and getting to look at their sleeping faces.

 

I think when kids start feeling uncomfortable with nakedness around their parents, they will automatically become more private, and it's important for the adult to follow that lead also. Otherwise I really don't see an issue with it.

[Hedgehog]

 

Attention Children:

The Bathroom Door is Closed!

Author Unknown

 

 

Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out.

 

Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken. I am not trapped.

 

I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in there, but it's been 10 years and I want some PRIVACY.

 

Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done.

 

Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.

 

Do not go running back to the phone yelling: "She's in the BATHROOM!"

 

Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.

 

Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them. This was only funny when you were two.

 

Do not slide pennies, Legos, or notes under the door. Even when you were

two, this got a little tiresome.

 

If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.

 

Oh ... And yes, I still love you.

 

Mom

 

 

[lionfamily1999]

Attention Children:

 

The Bathroom Door is Closed!

Author Unknown

 

 

 

 

 

Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out.

 

 

 

 

Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken. I am not trapped.

 

 

 

 

I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in there, but it's been 10 years and I want some PRIVACY.

 

 

 

 

Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done.

 

 

 

 

Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.

 

 

 

 

Do not go running back to the phone yelling: "She's in the BATHROOM!"

 

 

 

 

Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.

 

 

 

 

Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them. This was only funny when you were two.

 

 

 

 

Do not slide pennies, Legos, or notes under the door. Even when you were

two, this got a little tiresome.

 

 

 

 

If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.

 

 

 

 

Oh ... And yes, I still love you.

 

 

 

 

 

Mom

 

 

 

:lol: I may PAINT this on the door.

[colleenebeans]

Attention Children:

 

The Bathroom Door is Closed!

Author Unknown

 

 

 

 

 

Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions. Wait until I get out.

 

 

 

 

Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken. I am not trapped.

 

 

 

 

I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in there, but it's been 10 years and I want some PRIVACY.

 

 

 

 

Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done.

 

 

 

 

Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.

 

 

 

 

Do not go running back to the phone yelling: "She's in the BATHROOM!"

 

 

 

 

Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.

 

 

 

 

Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them. This was only funny when you were two.

 

 

 

 

Do not slide pennies, Legos, or notes under the door. Even when you were

two, this got a little tiresome.

 

 

 

 

If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.

 

 

 

 

Oh ... And yes, I still love you.

 

 

 

 

 

Mom

 

 

 

 

AWESOME! LOLOLOL...Now, if I can get my ds to realize that I taped that on the door....:D

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

We don't make a big deal out of naked, here, either. Personally, I can't wait for the day when my kids think seeing me naked is gross, because then maybe I can take a bath in peace. I still supervise the bath situation for them, too.

 

6 year old still wants someone to sleep with him, and 7 year old ends up in our bed half the time in the middle of the night. No big deal. IMO, the people who want to make this stuff into a big deal have the problem, not you or I.

[mo2]

She sent me this article about sexual boundaries.

 

My daughter (8) refuses to bathe alone, so DH and I take turns watching her in the bath or shower while she washes herself. We all dress/undress/run from the shower naked in front of each other. We share our beds; our children have never gotten used to sleeping alone and don't want to.

 

I feel that we don't have a problem now, but if Grandma says something to her about it then she might start to feel ashamed, etc. and an abusive type feeling memory could ensue. Ugh. I don't know what to do.

 

http://www.wethechildren.com/boundriesenglish.htm

 

 

I feel that grandma needs to find a hobby, something to occupy her time.

[Nakia]

I know it's been said, but that article is a load of BS. Some of those things made me laugh; they are so dang ridiculous. Making your child take a bath with their underwear on? HAH! A two year can apply medication to their own genitals? Seriously?!?!? If your two year has a diaper rash, you should instruct them in applying desitin? How silly.

 

My husband has taken our daughters in the men's room before, when they were younger. What else was he supposed to do when he is out in town alone with them? You cannot send a 3 year old into a bathroom by themselves. He always tried to make sure the men's bathroom was empty, but it wasn't always possible. He discreetly took them into the stall, and they did their business. No harm done. We never thought twice about it.

 

My husband tries his best not to run around the house naked, but like a pp, we have a 1000 square foot house and 5 people, so when he forgets his underwear when he gets out of the shower, he sometimes has to walk down the hall to get some. No biggie. It's not like the girls are gawking at him. They don't see it as anything weird. It's just their dad. They know dad has a penis.

 

Our oldest is 10 now, and she does not run around naked because she has developed a sense of modesty. The others...different story. Emma is currently running around in a t-shirt and underwear, per usual. We are lucky to get Cora dressed to go out to town.

 

There is always at least one child in our bed by morning, usually two. They start in their own beds, mostly, but they make their way into our room in the night. I wouldn't have it any other way. There is nothing sweeter than waking up with a sweet little face on your pillow. I dare someone to tell me there is something sexual about that.

 

Whomever wrote that article is an idiot, and if my mother sent it to me, I would have to wonder why she was so obsessed with my child's sexuality. And I would tell her to go fly a kite.

:grouphug: Lovedtodeath. You are doing fine!

[MangoMama]

I read most of the replies, but not all of them. I agree with the folks that said you are doing nothing wrong. G-ma needs to mind her own business. I don't know how to get her to do that, but I wouldn't stop what you are doing at home with your own children. IMO, G-ma is a little strange to think that something is wrong with bathing your own children at such a young age.

 

:grouphug:

[Scarlett]

Why is your dd afraid to bathe alone? That seems more strange to me than her father being in the bathroom with her. But, I don't think it's strange in some bizarre, perverted sense.

 

Unless there is some law against a father seeing his 8 year old daughter nekkie, then I'd not worry about it. As long as your dd is ok with it, it's her comfort that's important here, not Grandma's.

 

My ds, almost 11...is just NOW not afraid to bathe/shower alone. Well, he was fine from4-6 or so....then fear set in.

 

My ds has just in the last 6 months stopped letting me see him naked. And even now if he wants to show me something...or request a tick check or something...he does! No big deal.