Engaged on Christmas Eve = ripped off?

[specialmama]

I was chatting with someone (female) who said that her husband proposed on Christmas Eve. Although she was thrilled and screamed "YES!" right away, she said she lost a little bit of respect for him shortly after. The more she thought of it, the more she thought he took the easy way out of getting her a gift. The ring is the only thing he got her for Christmas.

 

What sayeth the Hive?

[Spy Car]

I was chatting with someone (female) who said that her husband proposed on Christmas Eve. Although she was thrilled and screamed "YES!" right away, she said she lost a little bit of respect for him shortly after. The more she thought of it, the more she thought he took the easy way out of getting her a gift. The ring is the only thing he got her for Christmas.

 

What sayeth the Hive?

 

The poor guy. She sounds like a real winner (not).

 

Bill (who proposed on Christmas himself :D)

[silliness7]

I was chatting with someone (female) who said that her husband proposed on Christmas Eve. Although she was thrilled and screamed "YES!" right away, she said she lost a little bit of respect for him shortly after. The more she thought of it, the more she thought he took the easy way out of getting her a gift. The ring is the only thing he got her for Christmas.

 

What sayeth the Hive?

 

 

Maybe he got her a nicer ring than he could have afforded if he'd had to get her a tennis bracelet too. Does she want a really nice engagement ring or a measly ring as well as a pair of earrings? Poor guy...she sounds high maintenance.

[Dawn in OH]

My first thought on that is that it's really petty and materialistic. I sincerely hope that my daughter doesn't grow up to think like that.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'd say she is spoiled. Not only was that a very special gift, and an expensive one too, but he was committing to her for life. She will have years of Christmases and Christmas gifts with him in the future. And I can't imagine basing my respect for a man on how many gifts he gives me. Note- I would never have the courage or the gall to say something like that to someone's face.

[ktgrok]

I WANTED my dh to propose on Christmas, as it is my favorite day of the year and that would have made it even better. But...I would have expected normal gifts too!!!! Actually , funny story. On christmas day we met up with all his friends at 10pm for coffee at Denny's. That's a normal tradition for them. Afterwards everyone walked outside and they were standing around when I walked out. Everyone then kind of gravitated into a circle, still just standing there. I was CONVINCED he was about to propose in front of everyone, and that was why they were all standing there in a circle. Um, No. After me standing there for about 5 minutes breathless in anticipation every one just left :(

 

(he proposed 2 months later, the day after our anniversary. He didn't do it on our anniversary because he thought that was too predictable. So i wore a nice dress and everything on our anniversary expecting him to propose and he didn't. Instead he did it at a theme park while I was all sweaty and gross.)

[Abigail4476]

Wow. I think I'd be happy with the ring and call it a day. The *female someone* sounds petty and self-absorbed. :tongue_smilie:

[ktgrok]

Lest I sound materialistic in my previous post, when i said I would have expected other gifts too....I meant small gifts. We spend less than 100 dollars on each other each year. To me a christmas gift is a novel, or a pretty calendar. I didn't mean I would have expected other big gifts.

[jasar31629]

I'd say she is spoiled. Not only was that a very special gift, and an expensive one too, but he was committing to her for life. She will have years of Christmases and Christmas gifts with him in the future. And I can't imagine basing my respect for a man on how many gifts he gives me. Note- I would never have the courage or the gall to say something like that to someone's face.

 

:iagree:

[Abigail4476]

I suppose I would consider a ring and a proposal to BE the Christmas gift. No other small accompaniments necessary.

 

I guess I'm a bit bumfuzzled by the fact that it was even a thought. I was so ecstatically happy when my husband proposed that I can't imagine having a critical thought about it not being *enough.* My head was too much in the clouds for that.

 

IMO, the annoyance at the lacking [additional] gift shows immaturity and selfishness, which doesn't bode well for their future together. :glare:

[farmgirlinwv]

I agree w/ everyone else. That is a pretty pathetic attitude she has.

[Jen in PA]

I guess Dh and I have never given much in the way of gifts for any holiday. Being proposed to would have been gift enough to me, whatever the date.

[funschooler5]

Yeesh. She sounds like a very materialistic person.

 

(spin-off rant: )

 

This kind of thing has always really bothered me. I absolutely hate it when women get engaged and then feel the need to take a photo of the ring, as if the size of the diamond shows how much her fiancée loves her. Also, I think the whole promise ring/engagement ring/wedding ring is a little ridiculous. How much money does the poor guy have to spend for him to prove his love? I knew guys in high school whose first line of credit was at jewelry stores, do they could buy expensive gifts for girls they weren't even going to end up with!

[Corraleno]

Poor guy...she sounds high maintenance.

:iagree:

 

Jackie

[ThatCyndiGirl]

The poor guy. She sounds like a real winner (not).

 

Bill (who proposed on Christmas himself :D)

 

 

I always hate it when I hear about women like this: petty, self-absorbed, obsessed with gifts and trinkets. I feel like guys hear about them and think that we are ALL like that. Yuck. :glare:

 

The proposal WAS the gift, the best gift she could have received, I'm guessing. That poor guy, indeed. :001_huh: I wonder if she is still like that?

 

ETA: Bill, could you please kindly stick your fingers in your ears and 'la-la-la, I can't hear you!' when you read something like this?! Please spread the word that we aren't all like this!

Edited December 15, 2010 by ThatCyndiGirl

[Unicorn.]

I sayeth he should run. Now. Before it's too late. Oh, wait. You said husband.. Poor guy.

[catalinakel]

I'd say to your friend that she is probably not ready for the rigors of marriage...it is so not about the ring. Or the gifts. But what do I know.

[Abigail4476]

I sayeth he should run. Now. Before it's too late. Oh, wait. You said husband.. Poor guy.

 

Oh, wow. I totally missed that they were already married. I agree; poor man. :glare:

[Aubrey]

Wow. I think a Christmas proposal is very romantic, but I'm biased by Meet Me in St. Louis & my great-grandparents: Grand Dad proposed on Christmas Eve during the Depression. Any ring at all was stunning.

 

That poor girl. She's going to go through life (w/ whomever she goes thr life) very unhappy.

[Ibbygirl]

My dh never even gave me an engagement ring and that was fine with me. I feel sorry for your friend for letting her doubts and desires about more gifts taint one of the most special days of her life. :(

[alpidarkomama]

I'd say she is spoiled. Not only was that a very special gift, and an expensive one too, but he was committing to her for life. She will have years of Christmases and Christmas gifts with him in the future. And I can't imagine basing my respect for a man on how many gifts he gives me. Note- I would never have the courage or the gall to say something like that to someone's face.

 

Yep.

 

My first thought was, "Uh oh. Not a good sign!" DH is the best gift I ever got (kids too!), and if I never got another gift in my LIFE, who cares? I already got the golden ticket. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

My dh never even gave me an engagement ring and that was fine with me. I feel sorry for your friend for letting her doubts and desires about more gifts taint one of the most special days of her life. :(

 

:iagree: No engagement ring here either.

[KidsHappen]

I am so not a gift person. I would have been upset if my hubby had bought a ring at all. I realize that I am not like most women but even still it seems like an engagement ring would be more than enough of a gift.

[Ibbygirl]

:iagree: No engagement ring here either.

 

:) I'll bet it didn't even matter to you either did it? For me, I know it would have been nice, but it wasn't a deal breaker. My husband is practical person. He looked me straight in the eye and asked, "do you want a ring or a house?" I chose the house. lol Good thing I did too or I wouldn't be in the financial situation to homeschool today.

[Abigail4476]

:iagree: No engagement ring here either.

 

Me, either. We couldn't afford it. We picked out wedding bands together a couple of years later, and we still have the same ones. They were the most we could afford at the time; we paid about $250 for the set. I told my husband he was NEVER allowed to have my tiny little diamond ring reset. If he wants to buy me a second ring (like an anniversary ring) at some point, I'll happily accept, but I am very attached to these rings that were such a huge splurge at the time and the result of a lot of scrimping and saving.

[AndyJoy]

I was chatting with someone (female) who said that her husband proposed on Christmas Eve. Although she was thrilled and screamed "YES!" right away, she said she lost a little bit of respect for him shortly after. The more she thought of it, the more she thought he took the easy way out of getting her a gift. The ring is the only thing he got her for Christmas.

 

What sayeth the Hive?

 

Methinks he's probably "lost a little bit of respect" for her since then as well. The fact that she told anyone this part of the story leads me to believe that she's not very mature. It's one thing to feel a little let down, but quite another to be telling other people about this at least a year later! Way to cut your husband down behind his back.:glare:

 

I would totally understand not having any other gifts and be overjoyed, though I would find it slightly odd. I certainly wouldn't whine to anyone else about it, though.

[Jen in PA]

:iagree: No engagement ring here either.

 

I found an inexpensive ring to wear as an engagement ring at an antique store a few months after I proposed to Dh.

[Crimson Wife]

I would've been over the moon had my DH proposed to me on Christmas Eve. We had been "pinned" (like a promise ring in the Greek system) since May but it wasn't until nearly a full year passed that he proposed.

 

He gave me his grandmother's engagement ring, which has a small stone (only 1/3 carat) but means more to me than a new ring with a ginormous diamond :)

[ccmom]

, she said she lost a little bit of respect for him shortly after. The more she thought of it, the more she thought he took the easy way out of getting her a gift. The ring is the only thing he got her for Christmas.

 

What sayeth the Hive?

 

It sounds like getting her a different gift would have been a lot easier! I wonder if he might look back and think he should have just given her the gift, rather than his commitment and future.

 

For putting more thought into this, she sure is thoughtless and selfish. Just my opinion.

[MrsBasil]

I guess I can't imagine any other gift from my fiance being anywhere near as special after getting engaged.

[Rosie_0801]

Oh, have a whinge. Worse things can happen.

 

Let's pretend dear bloke tells dear girlfriend he's going to buy her an engagement ring the following year once he's finished uni and is working. 18 months later, dear girlfriend casually wonders where that idea went and is informed that dear bloke no longer believes in marriage and has no memory of ever promising a ring. ;)

 

After a stern conversation about how it is very important to inform your partner about major changes in philosophy, dear girlfriend felt glad she didn't have to bother organising a wedding. My family and his in the same place at the same time? :svengo:

 

 

Unless the fella handed over the ring and told her that he expected her to kit out his home gym in return, I can't see what the problem is. An engagement ring, wedding, honeymoon and a bloke to support her while she has some babies seems more significant than a dvd and a box of chokkies, or whatever he usually gives for Christmas.

 

Rosie

[asta]

(now) DH and I had been dating quite some time and I thought he was going to propose one Christmas at his parent's house. He didn't. His brother proposed to his girlfriend. I got a knit glove and scarf set.

 

Fast forward, (now) BIL dumped his fiance one month before the wedding by announcing he had been dating/sleeping with her best friend. He married that girl, and they've been married for 20 years.

 

I had that scarf and glove set for about 5 years. We've will have been married 19 years this coming May. Nice gloves. :lol:

 

 

a

[specialmama]

:lol: K, everyone has to read this with a drunk Irish slur... :lol:

You should moonlight as a comedian, Rosie!

 

Oh, have a whinge. Worse things can happen.

 

Let's pretend dear bloke tells dear girlfriend he's going to buy her an engagement ring the following year once he's finished uni and is working. 18 months later, dear girlfriend casually wonders where that idea went and is informed that dear bloke no longer believes in marriage and has no memory of ever promising a ring. ;)

 

After a stern conversation about how it is very important to inform your partner about major changes in philosophy, dear girlfriend felt glad she didn't have to bother organising a wedding. My family and his in the same place at the same time? :svengo:

 

 

Unless the fella handed over the ring and told her that he expected her to kit out his home gym in return, I can't see what the problem is. An engagement ring, wedding, honeymoon and a bloke to support her while she has some babies seems more significant than a dvd and a box of chokkies, or whatever he usually gives for Christmas.

 

Rosie

[Ibbygirl]

(now) DH and I had been dating quite some time and I thought he was going to propose one Christmas at his parent's house. He didn't. His brother proposed to his girlfriend. I got a knit glove and scarf set.

 

Fast forward, (now) BIL dumped his fiance one month before the wedding by announcing he had been dating/sleeping with her best friend. He married that girl, and they've been married for 20 years.

 

I had that scarf and glove set for about 5 years. We've will have been married 19 years this coming May. Nice gloves. :lol:

 

 

a

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Ibbygirl]

:lol: K, everyone has to read this with a drunk Irish slur... :lol:

You should moonlight as a comedian, Rosie!

 

:iagree::iagree::lol::lol:

[Peela]

I reckon the woman is probably disillusioned with her bloke later on in life, as frequently happens ...maybe he no longer buys her nice gifts? (I know a happily married couple and the husband NEVER buys his wife gifts- it hurts her a lot but she still loves him and buys herself gifts instead). And she is just having a whinge, wondering if she should have seen the signs way back. Surely there was some sort of wry humour in the woman's comment? Its the sort of off hand thing people say sometimes without it meaning as much as it seems to.

[Laura Corin]

It sounds as if she didn't trust him and this preyed on her mind: if it had been the right relationship then the ring would have been the gift and the proposal would have been plenty to keep her happy.

 

Laura

[Laura Corin]

My dh never even gave me an engagement ring and that was fine with me. I feel sorry for your friend for letting her doubts and desires about more gifts taint one of the most special days of her life. :(

 

We couldn't afford a ring when we got engaged. After we had been married for ten years husband bought me a nice ring with a stone.

 

Laura

[Ibbygirl]

We couldn't afford a ring when we got engaged. After we had been married for ten years husband bought me a nice ring with a stone.

 

Laura

 

That's so sweet! :) My dh and I have been married 14 years and he asked me just the other day if I thought he should buy me some sort of expensive jewelry. I told him I don't want to wear anything that's worth more than my life. ;) :) And truth be told, if he were ever to spend that kind of money on me, I'd infinitely prefer a Les Paul instead. :D :drool:

[Sebastian (a lady)]

When we got married my dh swore an oath to me.

 

With this ring, I thee wed. With my body I thee worship. All my worldly goods I thee endow.

 

What else did she want? A mixer?

 

I hope that she never shares her disappointment with her dh.

[Mrs Mungo]

My dh proposed at Christmas. He scrimped and saved and ate a lot of tuna to buy my ring. It never in a million years crossed my mind that he should have bought an ADDITIONAL gift. I would never upgrade the ring I received when we were young and poor and madly in love, either.

Edited December 15, 2010 by Mrs Mungo

[Zuzu822]

DH proposed to me on Christmas Eve after church (actually a fun story since I "ruined" the proposal) but it took some hard thinking while I was reading this thread to remember that he did give another present that year...a Wizard of Oz ornament. I used to collect them and I think he gave it to me early. The proposal is obviously what sticks out about that year!

[Sahamamama]

My husband proposed to me, shivering on his knees in the freezing cold, in a gazebo in a park where we used to go walking....

 

On Friday the 13th! :lol:

 

The very next day, his brother proposed to his beloved, on the rim of the Grand Canyon, while reciting a poem he had written about her, as the sun was setting.....

 

On Valentine's Day! :001_wub:

 

I said yes, she said yes, we are both GLAD we did. I didn't get the poet, but I did get my beloved. :001_wub: Although, I do love my brother-in-law, too. He's very sweet, but my husband is... well, you know.

 

I think your friend needs to get a clue. :tongue_smilie:HE was her Christmas gift.

[Renee in NC]

I was chatting with someone (female) who said that her husband proposed on Christmas Eve. Although she was thrilled and screamed "YES!" right away, she said she lost a little bit of respect for him shortly after. The more she thought of it, the more she thought he took the easy way out of getting her a gift. The ring is the only thing he got her for Christmas.

 

What sayeth the Hive?

 

I am responding without reading anything other than the above.

 

She has issues. I can't imagine being so materialistic as to think that he "got out of" something by giving her an engagement ring. If this is all it takes for her to lose some respect for him, then they won't be married long.:glare:

[Tap]

My sister is this way...

 

My dh and I were married the week of Valentines. It wasn't on purpose, as our wedding was spontaneous and planned in a few days. We had been together for 3.5 years, we just finally decided to get married.

 

My sister was very upset at me, insisting that I had ruined a gift giving holiday and would now forever be stuck with a combo Valentines/Anniversary celebration/gift. :confused: :lol:

 

I guess she has a serious 'gift love language'. This same sister is very superficial. She will have things that look nice on the outside, but are cheap/poor quality on the inside. I think the two personality traits are related...at least in her. It is all about appearances and not the sentiment or thought behind the gift. She likes quantity not quality.

 

Gifts are not my 'love language' so I don't understand this mentality....but I guess her husband has figured it out, as they have been together almost 30 years.

[TravelingChris]

I actually have no idea when we specifically decided to get married. We had planned on getting married after dh graduated from college. But we had to speed up the plans (there really had been no plans, just a notion that that is when we would marry) and got married right before his senior year. (My mother had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and I wanted at least one living parent at my wedding). We did have wedding bands but I had no engagement ring. We were college students and couldn't afford such items.

[Danestress]

the awkward thing to me would be that if she's surprised by a ring, that would be so lovely. But then I would have to give him my gift, which would inevitably be something sort of lame like a fleece jacket or a bike helmet or a dog calendar. I wouldn't feel cheated out of a gift, but I would feel really embarrassed to receive a beautiful ring and then give a dog calendar in return, lol. Those are the things, though, that make sweet memories, and I can't really relate to her sense of entitlement. I also can't fathom telling someone I have lost respect for my DH in any way unless he pulled a John Edwards or Bernie Madoff type stunt.

[Laurie4b]

Oh brother.

 

To the guy: run the other way.

[Chris in VA]

I wonder what he got her the second Christmas?:001_smile:

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

Oh, have a whinge. Worse things can happen.

 

Let's pretend dear bloke tells dear girlfriend he's going to buy her an engagement ring the following year once he's finished uni and is working. 18 months later, dear girlfriend casually wonders where that idea went and is informed that dear bloke no longer believes in marriage and has no memory of ever promising a ring. ;)

 

After a stern conversation about how it is very important to inform your partner about major changes in philosophy, dear girlfriend felt glad she didn't have to bother organising a wedding. My family and his in the same place at the same time? :svengo:

 

 

Unless the fella handed over the ring and told her that he expected her to kit out his home gym in return, I can't see what the problem is. An engagement ring, wedding, honeymoon and a bloke to support her while she has some babies seems more significant than a dvd and a box of chokkies, or whatever he usually gives for Christmas.

 

Rosie

 

Rosie, you need to have your own advice column! I love your "take" on issues - "Twisted Home-Spun Advice and General Musings" from Rosie. You posts always bring a smile to my face!!

 

I'd love to hang out with you.