How old do your kids have to be before you leave them alone?

[Shawn On the Border]

Ds15 is in private school 20 minutes away from our house. Every morning I have to drag ds12 out of bed to go with us. In the afternoon, I have to cut his homeschool work short to pick up his brother. It seems like a waste of time for ds12, but I feel like he's a little young to be alone for that length of time. When do you allow your kids to stay home alone?

[NorthwestMom]

In my state there is no law, so it is an individual decision for each parent. If you don't think your DS is ready, go with your gut. My 11yo does stay home alone very successfully, but a friend of his could never handle it. Good luck!

[OregonNative]

I may be weird, but my kids would have to be 14. Ppl are too creepy these days and I don't care what kind of neighborhood you live in!

[Pippen]

By age 12 all of my kids were staying home for periods of time longer than that--up to 90 minutes during daytime. If he's a responsible child and he's aware of your safety rules, I don't see what the problem is? Provided they can handle it and you don't know of any sincere threats to their safety (as in living in a problem neighborhood or inability to comply with rules), I think it's good for them to gradually have increasing periods of time home alone from around age 11 on.

 

I started babysitting for the neighbor's kids when I was 12, and before I'd turned 13 was watching my brothers overnight while my single parent mother worked.

[JaniceO]

I leave my 12 (he'll be 13 next month) year old home all the time. I'll even leave the younger ones (who are 11, 9, and 5) with him for shorter periods of time. When we lived in Italy, the base rule was 12 to be left alone and to babysit, so we went by that. Here in WA, the law appears to be they can be left alone when you feel comfortable that they could handle it.

[Laura Corin]

It depends on the child. Calvin stayed home alone for short periods when he was ten - we haven't started that with Hobbes yet. Calvin is now babysitting Hobbes.

 

Laura

[fairfarmhand]

my dd is 13 and has been staying home alone since she was almost 12. Part of it is that we are pretty isolated ( I would not do this in a subdivision) another is that she is very level headed and responsible. Also we have BIG dogs that stay here too.

[EarleneW]

I would leave my 12 year old.

[patchfire]

IF our house were configured differently, I would have let dd start staying at home for short amounts of time already (age 10). As it is, she'd have to stay in her room and not leave it, otherwise technically she could be seen from the road. We'll be moving sometime in the next 6ish months, hopefully, and at that point, we'll begin letting her stay home alone for short periods of time.

[LidiyaDawn]

10/11 for short bits (run to the store, pick up a sibling, etc)

12+ for longer and babysitting others.

[Unicorn.]

I leave my 12 yos home for that length all the time. They also stay home when I take my dad to dr. appts, and I am gone 3-4 hrs, and am about 20-30 min. away. At 12 kids can babysit, so they should be able to stay home alone-imho.

[Starr]

It's always harder when they are alone. In my experience, my expectations of what got done while I was away had to drop as well. So if you aren't sure about it I would take him. Maybe find an audiobook they could listen to in the car.

[AFwife Claire]

My oldest is 13, and I started leaving him at home with the younger ones when he was maybe 12 1/2. Usually I took the baby though. Now he stays at home with them all whenever I need to run errands, go to an OB appointment, whatever. I actually prefer to leave them all, as opposed to just one. My next oldest is almost 12, and I feel like the oldest 2 are a really good team! At 12 I also would have left my oldest by himself with no qualms, especially if he had schoolwork or chores with which to occupy himself. In fact, when I go to an OB appt. (which is 40 minutes away at the nearest military hospital), I leave detailed lists of schoolwork and chores to be accomplished while I am gone-cuts down on the potential for bickering and problems if everyone is busy! We live in a great neighborhood where we know our neighbors, so if there were a problem, there are plenty of people he could call for help.

[AuntieM]

Check your state law. I think some actually have statutes regarding minimum ages. I would think age 12 would be legal anywhere.

 

As for me, it would depend on the child, as well as time of day, length of time, etc.

 

Just want to add that I think that driving talk-time is VERY valuable to relationship building with your 12yo, as well as with your older son. My ds just started driving himself to class last week and I miss that time with him already! Also, he learned a ton about driving just by being an observant front seat passenger. In your shoes, I would probably still take him several times a week and make a point to let him stay in the front seat with you. Now that he is driving, my older ds is deferring to his 13yo brother: "You sit in front, bro, and watch the road!" I can tell he feels good choosing to sacrifice the shotgun position and younger brother feels special by his doing so.

[kewb]

Out state has no law about age. I started leaving ds home alone for short periods of time when he was 11. I will leave both my kids (12 & 10) home alone for a couple of hours if I am local.

 

Dd started staying home alone for short periods when she turned 10. I will leave her home alone for extended periods if I am within 20 minutes. In all honesty, if it wasn't for the fact that we have a large, protective dog I would probably not leave her home for those extended periods yet. I would have waited until she was 11.

[Princess Peach]

I don't know. I just know we aren't there yet. We live in a city and too many things can happen. I don't know that DS, 11, could handle an emergency properly. The other issue for us is that DH and I only have cell phones (no landline) and DS doesn't have one. So, he would be home w/o a phone. Or he would have one and I wouldn't while I was out, which would mean I couldn't check in with him and vice-versa. Anyway, I don't have a reason to leave him at this point.

[LaissezFaire]

11 for runs to the store or errands (under an hour) but there are 2 of them so I feel a little better about it. At 12 I will leave them for longer (and they babysit other people's kids but always together.) They also babysit their siblings sometimes but not longer than 90 minutes or so. We live in a very small town where we know everyone. My in laws also live just a couple streets over so I feel safe about it.

[momofkhm]

Ds15 is in private school 20 minutes away from our house. Every morning I have to drag ds12 out of bed to go with us. In the afternoon, I have to cut his homeschool work short to pick up his brother. It seems like a waste of time for ds12, but I feel like he's a little young to be alone for that length of time. When do you allow your kids to stay home alone?

 

It's more maturity than an age. Here they tend to hit it around 10. DS is "old enough" to stay home alone but it just doesn't happen too much. We're still in the "stay home while I run your sister somewhere". That means I'm gone maybe 20 minutes total. We haven't done the "stay home while I go shopping" yet. At least one of his sisters is home or he comes.

 

If you don't think he's ready, then don't leave him. I'd start with really short trips - 5-10 minutes and work up from there.

[mcconnellboys]

I left mine at home in the mornings when he was 9 while I drove my older son to school. He was generally with me when I picked him up.

 

We live in a very safe town and our neighborhood is also very safe. I had my cell phone with me and on in case he needed to call me for any reason, and he was generally still in bed while I was driving to school and back. I generally got him up when I got home so that he could start school.

 

Now, if I felt that he was untrustworthy in any way; that he'd open a door or answer a phone when he was home alone, then I would not have done this. We talked at length about what he was and was not to do while he was home alone. And I regularly tested him, too, to make sure that he would not do those sorts of things....

[Jennifer in MI]

I started leaving my oldest around 10 for short trips. At 14, he now watches the others all the time.

 

The others have all started staying home alone around 10. This semester, ds 14 is taking a CC class 25 minutes from home. I leave the 13 and 10 yo home alone to pick him up.

 

But, we have strict rules about it - no answering the door, no answering the phone (unless it's mom, dad, grandma), no cooking on the stove (microwave is okay), etc.

 

Works for us!!

[myfunnybunch]

10/11 for short bits (run to the store, pick up a sibling, etc)

12+ for longer and babysitting others.

 

Us too.

 

My 10 y.o. stays home once in a while when I pick up his sister from school, about 15-20 minutes.

 

Cat

[kokotg]

I was babysitting regularly at 12 (I know that people like to say "things were different then," but that's exactly what people said when I was a kid, too. Crime rates have actually gone down since then); I would definitely leave a relatively responsible 12 year old home alone for the amount of time you're talking about. I let my 9 year old stay home now if I'm going for a walk around the neighborhood or running a very short errand (30 minutes or less).

Edited December 9, 2010 by kokotg
quotations must have a beginning AND an end.

[Sparkle]

Ds15 is in private school 20 minutes away from our house. Every morning I have to drag ds12 out of bed to go with us. In the afternoon, I have to cut his homeschool work short to pick up his brother. It seems like a waste of time for ds12, but I feel like he's a little young to be alone for that length of time. When do you allow your kids to stay home alone?

 

I'd leave him if I thought he were mature and trustworthy. I leave my ds13 at home alone (and have since he was 12), I also let him go to the park or drop him off at the library with a cell phone. Why don't you try it once or twice and see how it goes? If either of you feels uncomfortable with it though, then don't.

 

ETA: I've also left my 10 & 8 yos home alone for short periods of time - like a quick run to the post office or library - like 10-15 mins, and they've done fine.

[cin]

We've been leaving our 2 alone for about a year, since dd was 8. The first time it was a complete accident. DH and I miscommunicated and what we thought would be 5 minutes turned out to be 2 hours. I walked in and after I unglued them from the TV they asked what was for lunch. DD 9 has mild asperger's so a very strong sense of right and wrong. Fortunately, dd6 worships her older sister. We don't leave them for long periods of time (max is 2 hours and I'm less than 5 min away then) or if we're going far. The gym is 1o minutes away and I leave them to go for a 40 min workout. I have run to the store to pick up something. - would probably leave my 12 year old for the trip you described.

[mazakaal]

My oldest was 12yo when we started leaving him for short periods. As time went on, we left him for longer. 2nd ds was left for short periods when he was 11yo. He's 12yo now and get left for a couple of hours at a time. In fact, if dh is out of town, I'll leave him in charge of the two littles to drive my oldest to the bus. Of course, they're all asleep at the time, and it's only for about 5 minutes. You know your ds. If you think he's up for it, I don't think 12yo is too young to be left for 20 minutes. You could always work up to it, leave for just 5 minutes and see how he feels about it.

[Scarlett]

Ds15 is in private school 20 minutes away from our house. Every morning I have to drag ds12 out of bed to go with us. In the afternoon, I have to cut his homeschool work short to pick up his brother. It seems like a waste of time for ds12, but I feel like he's a little young to be alone for that length of time. When do you allow your kids to stay home alone?

 

No law in my state. I'd say it depends on the kid. I started leaving ds alone for brief periods (15 min) when he was 9....now he is almost 11 and he stays alone up to 3 hours during the day---not on a regular basis---but sometimes he doesn't want to go run errands with me...so I let him stay home.

 

I too was babysitting younger brother by age 12. I can't think of many 12 year olds who should not be left alone for that short time period you are describing....is there some specific concern you have? Neighborhood? Medical issue? Otherwise I would be hard pressed to think of a reason he couldn't be left a lone for less than an hour twice a day.

[Paige]

I would leave an average 12yr old. We started leaving my 9yr old for short trips to take his sisters places and he is fine. He knows the rules, knows how to make calls when needed, and knows which neighbors' houses he can go to in an emergency. I make his 6yr old sisters come with me to take the youngest places because I don't think he's old enough to be an authority figure or babysit. Our state has no laws but the guidelines suggested that children could stay home alone from ages 9-11, and could babysit from 12 and up.

[Lolly]

Most states do not have any laws on an age to leave. Very, very few do. Some offer guidelines, but not legally binding, set in stone laws. Most of the guidelines suggest 10 as the age for being left alone for short time periods. Red Cross offers babysitting classes starting at age 12. (Translation, 12 is the age kids they consider old enough to babysit.)

[Scarlett]

Check your state law. I think some actually have statutes regarding minimum ages. I would think age 12 would be legal anywhere.

 

As for me, it would depend on the child, as well as time of day, length of time, etc.

 

Just want to add that I think that driving talk-time is VERY valuable to relationship building with your 12yo,

 

I totally agree with this. So maybe she could take him on one of the trips and leave him home for the other....I would let him sleep in the mornings and take him in the afternoon when he is likely to be more talkative.

[Tammyla]

Depends on the kid, where you live, the time of year, weather etc. I wouldn't want a young kid waiting out in frigid/wet temperatures if the fire or carbon monoxide detector went off.

 

I've had to shelter/help neighbor kids that we didn't know because they weren't capable of handling something. Locked out, creepy guys in van followed a girl home, and a lost kid who couldn't find her way home.

[lovinmyboys]

I hope 12 is old enough. We are going to DH's office party tonight and the 12yr old neighbor is watching all three boys while we are there. Her parents will be home (next door) and she is super responsible and has younger siblings (the youngest is one). She has watched my kids before for short bits or longer while I have been home, but this is the first "real thing."

[KatieH]

I think it depends on the child. I wouldn't leave my dd1 (who's 9) alone, but not because I think *all* 9 year olds shouldn't be left alone. She gets panicky if I'm gone for more than a few minutes. She doesn't even like to use the restroom alone in public. If she were comfortable being home alone, I'd be comfortable leaving her for short periods (to run to the store, for example).

[K&Rs Mom]

8 for short trips (15-20 min), but my 8yo has always been extremely responsible. I can't see leaving my now-6yo alone when she's 8, because she's just more goofy.

[holdoll]

I waited until youngest dd was 12. We're members of HSLDA and I remember signing something that I would not leave a child alone during the school day that was younger than 12.

 

Otherwise, it would have been sooner because she is very responsible.

[NanceXToo]

Leaving a 12 year old home alone for about 45 minutes? Yep, I'd do that (unless I had some reason to worry that said 12 year old couldn't handle it- like they'd get scared or do something stupid or not know how to react if something came up like a smoke alarm or stranger at the door etc). I was spending a few hours home alone by the time I was 11.

[Abigail4476]

Assuming there aren't any local or state laws against it, I would say it depends on the child. My dd15 has been the responsible type since she was a toddler, although I never left her alone until she was 10 or 11. (And then it was only for about half an hour.)

 

My dd13, however, is absent minded and I worry about her leaving the stove on, leaving the door open, or freaking out in an emergency. Ds8 is still too young to leave alone, but I have left him with his oldest sister for a few hours. If I'm going to be gone more than an hour, I check in regularly and make sure that my cell phone is on.

 

I do have a bit of a phobia about leaving kids home asleep, though. If I have to leave early in the morning, I want them up and about and aware of what is going on. So even if you don't take your 12 year old, you might want to wake him and have him get up and eat breakfast and get started on some reading or other homework while you're out. In the afternoon, save the time you're away picking up your oldest for the 12yo's music practice or independent reading, etc.

 

Our rules for home alone:

 

* No cooking on the stove

* No playing outside

* Don't answer the door (or look out the window where anyone can see you)

* Don't inform anyone that you're home alone

* If there's an emergency, call the neighbor, or go to her house.

Edited December 9, 2010 by Abigail4476

[EKS]

I started having my older son stay home alone when he was 11--for maybe 30 minutes at a time. By the time he was 12 he was babysitting his younger brother for 1-2 hours at a time.

[Laurie4b]

Check your state regulations first. However, I think 12 is quite old enough to be left alone for 20 min. Our state minimum is age 8--that is per fire regulations.

 

I left three out of four of mine home alone for longer than that when they reached the age of 9. There was a neighbor home. In fact, my neighbor who had been a CPS supervisor left her kids home alone at this age, too.

 

I have one son who is less mature than the others were. I waited until he was 11 before I left him home.

 

My choice to leave them home alone young was for their benefit, not for my convenience. In fact, I would sometimes take older kid(s) with me so that the next in line could be home alone. Kids who are on their own develop more independence and I wanted that for my kids. I wanted to do it gradually. I was babysitting at age 11 1/2 and I was competent at it.

[Shawn On the Border]

Thank you so much for all your replies. I am going to let ds12 stay home in the mornings to start. He will probably sleep through the time I am gone. If that goes well, maybe I'll leave him sometimes in the afternoons (some days we have activities planned, so he'll have to go). It could help him to get his work done! All this driving around cuts into our school time.