The "Yes Ma'am" "No Ma'am" issue...what's your stance?

[Ellie]

It has nothing to do with age. It has to do with respect. Too bad more parts of the country don't teach their youngin's to say yes ma'm and no ma'm. :)

[TN Mama]

Ok. I'm 36 years old and I know I'm not as stylish and my waist isn't exactly 27 anymore, but I feel sooooo old when people call me ma'am.

I live in south Alabama, so I know this is common here, and I guess in our "culture" it's best to err on the side of ma'aming when unsure, but I'm finding it irksome. My neighbor is 24 and he calls me "Ma'am"!

I want to ask them how old DO I LOOK? ( i know I need a makeover, but....whew!).

 

:confused1:What's your opinion?

 

When did you notice getting the "Ma'am"s?

Did you like it or not?

What state are you from? (want to compare regional differences)

At what age gap do you think a person should "Ma'am" someone ---- a 10+ year age seniority gap, a 15+ or what?

 

I remember getting ma'amed by a young child when I was just 21. When I told him he didn't need to call me ma'am his mother said that he did. And since then I haven't minded or told someone not to ma'am me, because I know they are a) doing it out of respect and b) were taught to say it.

 

I grew up in SE MO and we always said ma'am and sir. Wasn't as popular when I moved to the Northeast. I raise my girls to say it and they are often complimented on their manners. We live in TN/MO.

 

I don't mind being called ma'am and don't think there is a particular age gap that makes it more appropriate. Besides, I am a terrible judge of age.

[justamouse]

I love it. It's so nice to hear a teen ma'am or sir someone. Restores my faith in the world. I've also been ma'amed by older men, and I love that, too.

[Annie]

I didn't grow up saying it, but my children will be asked to reply with either "yes, ma'am" or "yes, mama." I started using ma'am and sir in college while taking insurance claims over the phone. It apparently stuck with me quite well. My midwife made a passing comment to my mother about how she must have raised me to be very polite because it seems I was still calling the the hospital staff ma'am and sir when I transferred there after 30 something hours of labor / 5 hours of pushing at home. I have no memory of doing so. :tongue_smilie:

[TechWife]

I grew up in Georgia and I've been getting "m'am" all my life - it's "yes sir" and "yes m'am" no matter what.

[TechWife]

BTW, I LIKE being called ma'am ;)

:iagree:

[orangearrow]

I like my kids to say yes ma'am and no ma'am - but I loathe anyone else over the age of 15 to call me ma'am (unless I know them, I guess...). It insults me every time - even though I know better, lol. If I've run into a store or something and come out grumpy, dh will laugh and ask if the sale clerk dared call me "ma'am" while I was in there! :glare:

 

:lol:

Edited August 28, 2010 by orangearrow

[HRAAB]

I was not taught to use Ma'am, nor have I taught my children to do so simply because it's not used where I live. On the rare occasion I do hear someone say Ma'am, it sounds old fashioned and quaint. Respectful. Reminds me of a bygone era. And since I like old fashioned and quaint, it's all good. I'm glad to know it's still alive in some parts of the country.

[eclipse]

You know, it's weird. I really don't like being called ma'am - I guess it's from growing up in Southern California. All of my friends' parents were known by their first names to all the kids - and if I ever heard anyone sir or ma'am them or Ms or Mr them, they would ask the kids to call them by their first names. I really, really don't like being Miss, Ms., or Mrs - it really irritates me, even though I acknowledge that people do it to show respect and be polite. When I worked as a cashier, I did use sir and ma'am, but only because there's not really a polite way to say "hey you over there!" However, now that I live in Mexico, Señora doesn't bother me at all, even though it's essentially the same thing.

[rootsnwings]

Yeah, my 22yo cousin ma'am's me all the time! DOH! I'm not even 30!!

 

I do ma'am everyone out in public, whether they're older than me or not. I don't care if you're handing me food through a drive thru, I want my kids to see me respecting EVERY person we come in contact with. And for us, saying yes ma'am & no sir, etc is all about respecting others and using good manners.

[The Girls' Mom]

I am teaching my kids to use it. In fact, we just had this conversation yesterday. To me it's a matter of respect, not an insult about your age. I have ma'am'ed and sir'ed people of all ages, younger and older than me. I'll even yes ma'am the 18 year old clerk at Wal-Mart.

[QueenCat]

I grew up in the north. One year in middle school, there was a new girl from the south. She said, "Yes ma'am" to a teacher and nearly got in trouble because the teacher thought she was being sarcastic! Sarcasm would have been the only time it was used where I grew up.

 

 

:iagree:Same here. It is cultural, which people don't always understand. I grew up in MD, and you only heard people use sir or ma'am in sarcasm, it was NEVER considered respectful. Which would be why the first time, after moving to GA, I got rather upset with the check out clerk when he called me ma'am. I brought my children up in the south, and have taught them to use it if expected by someone, but it's never been a discipline issue, and I don't allow them to call me ma'am, ever. That said, if someone else does, I understand where they're coming from, and don't correct them.

[QueenCat]

It has nothing to do with age. It has to do with respect. Too bad more parts of the country don't teach their youngin's to say yes ma'm and no ma'm. :)

 

We did not use it in Maryland; it was considered sarcasm, fresh, not respectful. We were certainly taught to be respectful, just in a different way. Children called their teacher "Mrs. Jones". So if asked a question, the answer would be "Yes, Mrs. Jones" not "yes ma'am". "Yes ma'am" meant you were being RUDE to the teacher, and you were going to the principal's office.

[amy g.]

If I don't hear "yes Ma'am" or "no Ma'am" at least 50 times each day, I feel like I'm not doing my job.

[SonshineLearner]

I think it sounds respectful... My son says it...

:)

[Paintedlady]

I've never understood people being bothered by being called Ma'am or Mrs. To me, it's a simple show of respect, not age. I like being referred to as Ma'am or Mrs. *******.

[MaMa2005]

My answers in blue.

 

When did you notice getting the "Ma'am"s? I started teaching elementary school at the age of 22 and the children answered with 'Ma'am. When I switched to middle school teaching, the students still were responding with Ma'am. My DH has always taught high school and rarely gets 'Sir'. :glare:

Did you like it or not? I like it. It is what I grew up with and I feel it shows respect.

What state are you from? Georgia

At what age gap do you think a person should "Ma'am" someone ---- a 10+ year age seniority gap, a 15+ or what? Under 18 should respond to adults appropriately. In the professional workplace, I always responded to my bosses with Ma'am or Sir regardless of our age difference.

[Carrie12345]

As a Northerner, it comes across as sarcastic and/or military to me. Having worked in a daycare with many military children, I did get somewhat used to it, but it's been years and that's worn off.

 

The rest of my family has transplanted to the south. My sister fully intends to teach her now-1yo to sir and ma'am. Not because she likes it, but because it's usually expected.

 

When my kids (rarely) ma'am me, it's definitely intended to be faux-military in response to my barked orders. ;)

[Swirl]

It has nothing to do with age. It has to do with respect. Too bad more parts of the country don't teach their youngin's to say yes ma'm and no ma'm. :)

 

But you have to understand, some us were just born and raised in the wrong state. It's not our fault, we just don't have that "good southern breeding". :D Stupid Kansas. :banghead:

[BMW]

I understand if you weren't around this type of speech... I was raised in southern California, so I didn't often hear the yes ma'am and yes sirs. BUT, I did spend some time back in the south and picked it up as an early teen. I loved it because it seemed so respectful.

 

No matter where one grows up, I find it disrespectful to any adult for a child to address them by first names. I know others differ and that is okay, but I cringe when a child calls me by my first name. I don't let it show, but I am thinking, "Hello? I am not your peer!" Now, I LOVE children, but they are not peers. I would prefer a child to address me "Ms. Bee" than by my first name. Many children have such inflated egos and they are so glorified and enabled... it's a huge turn off for me. My two stepsons were raised as equals to all adults! They called every adult in their life by their first names and ran around disrespectfully everywhere they went. They could have cared less about others or rules. One of the first things I re-taught them was respect for others. If they are not relatives or very close friends, they may not use first names. They must stay with me in stores. They had the true full inflated egos. They cared way too much about themselves than about others and I still have to teach them that they are not the center of every scene in life. I notice that they revert right back to their old habits if I don't stick to it even now... and they are not a pleasure for others to be around, so I try to stick with the program! Sorry... guess I have a rant...

 

Teaching yes ma'am and yes sir and to call adults Mr. or Mrs. is respectful. To me, it's one of the starting points for raising them to not be self centered, but to care about others.

[lllll]

..

Edited January 2, 2013 by ksva

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Raising kids to be respectful should never be out of fashion.

 

Even when it makes me feel old to be on the receiving end of the Ma'am-ing.

[lauranc]

I grew up in the midwest, with a brief stint on the East coast-- I never grew up saying 'yes ma'am' etc.. can't recall ever hearing it either.

 

When we moved here (NC) a number of years ago, I was taken aback by being called Miss. Laura or ma'am-- even the teenagers call me Miss Laura-- which is not the same as ma'am, but I still find it curious.

 

We might have said that as preschool aged children to our preschool teachers, but never as teenagers to an adult. But I digress... :001_smile:

 

Now that we've been here awhile, I get the feeling it's a Southern thing. I don't hate it, I just think it's... interesting.

[QueenCat]

In our culture, it is the mark of a well-reared child, just as important as "please" and "thank you."

 

We said "please" and "thank you" in Maryland.... but not ma'am or sir, as that was very rude in that culture. Different parts of the country really do have different cultures.

[Spy Car]

Ma'am certainly does not play in my neck of the woods, largely I suspect because it reminds people of a time and place that still rubs people the wrong way.

 

Bill

[Ellyndria]

Haaate being called ma'am. It sounds so old!

[smrtmama]

If they're older than you or on a higher social rung (boss, teacher, church elder) say ma'am and sir. Period.

[leighp]

It doesn't really bother me to get a ma'am. I am 31 and live in South Georgia. I ma'am my dd, so I guess for me, it is good for all ages. Young and old.

[Joker]

I've lived in CA, IA, TX and FL and never had a person have a problem with ma'am and sir. I don't force my dds to use the terms but they usually do with strangers. Yesterday a man held the door open for us and my older dd said, "Thank you, sir." He just smiled and said, "You're welcome." They say Ms. or Mr. "last name" for people they do know. It doesn't bother me or make me feel old to hear it - its just about being respectful.

[hornblower]

strictly reserved for doddering oldies around here.

 

I don't like being called ma'am. Luckily I can't really remember anyone calling me that. I think when I'm a doddering oldie I won't want to be called ma'am either.

 

Except maybe by a cabana boy. Or a drop dead handsome dude in some military uniform whom I'm ordering around....... now that, I could go for. :D

[Snowfall]

It has nothing to do with age. It has to do with respect. Too bad more parts of the country don't teach their youngin's to say yes ma'm and no ma'm. :)

 

But it's only a sign of respect if you MAKE it that way. Kids elsewhere are not less respectful simply because they don't say "Ma'am?" instead of "Excuse me?" when they didn't hear what their mom said or because they answer "No," instead of "No, sir." Now, if your teenager has internalized that whole message, then perhaps it's less respectful for them to purposely omit it, but if my 6yo fails to say "ma'am" to you (or me or anyone else) it's NOT because she's less respectful than your kids.

 

This kind of regionally biased stuff really gets on my nerves as a military spouse forced to live in all kinds of different places. I have lived in several states and I can assure you that I have not found people in the southern states to be more respectful, more polite, or anything else great that other people in the U.S. are not. You may use different words, but that doesn't mean anything.

[rootsnwings]

It just gives an audible cue that the child is showing respect. That may not mean my children are more respectful than yours but when someone hears them using ma'am/sir it is instantly obvious this child is being respectful. What about at a job interview or something like that? Who do you think would leave the better impression, the person who showed respect to the hiring manager by saying ma'am/sir, or the one who said "yes"?

[Jean in Newcastle]

It just gives an audible cue that the child is showing respect. That may not mean my children are more respectful than yours but when someone hears them using ma'am/sir it is instantly obvious this child is being respectful. What about at a job interview or something like that? Who do you think would leave the better impression, the person who showed respect to the hiring manager by saying ma'am/sir, or the one who said "yes"?

 

Depending on what part of the USA the job interview is in, it could be interpreted as respectful or disrespectful.

[QueenCat]

What about at a job interview or something like that? Who do you think would leave the better impression, the person who showed respect to the hiring manager by saying ma'am/sir, or the one who said "yes"?

 

Depends on where the job interview is being held, and who is doing the interviewing. I can guarantee to you that I never said "ma'am" or "sir", and had NO problems getting jobs during high school and college. My teachers loved me, I was a great student, and I would never say "ma'am" or "sir" to them, it would have been disrespectful to do so!

[QueenCat]

Depending on what part of the USA the job interview is in, it could be interpreted as respectful or disrespectful.

 

:iagree:Exactly!

[eclipse]

If I was interviewing someone and heard a constant "ma'am," I would feel like it was overkill and fake. If the person was obviously southern, I would probably just assume it was cultural - but otherwise, it sounds kind of obnoxious.

 

When it comes to the issue of first or last name for adults, I teach my kids that it is polite to address anyone as they wish to be addressed. So, if someone introduces themselves as Mr. Jones, that's what you should call them. If they introduce themselves as Bob, that's what you should call them. If they introduce themselves as Robert, it would be rude to call them Bob or Robby - all regardless of the age of the person. I had a teacher who insisted on addressing his students as Mr/Miss Lastname and I hated it. I felt very disrespected that he couldn't just use the name I wished to be called. I didn't call him by his first name because I knew he'd hate it - he shouldn't be calling anyone by their last name once he knows it bothers them. Anyhow, my point is, I don't think kids calling adults by their first name has anything to do with respect, especially in areas where it is the way that most adults are addressed. I don't know ANYONE in real life that would prefer that kids call them Mr/Mrs. Even most of my teachers when I was in school would have preferred to use their first name, but kids were prohibited from using first names by district rules. At the school that my son attended for two years, almost every teacher used their first names with their students (and those that didn't went by Mr/Mrs FirstInitialofLastName), and I didn't see kids disrespecting them. Even the principal went by Dr. Wendy, and she told me she only used the "Doctor" because it inspired kids to ask what she was a doctor of, and led to interesting discusions about college and degrees.

[Snowfall]

It just gives an audible cue that the child is showing respect. That may not mean my children are more respectful than yours but when someone hears them using ma'am/sir it is instantly obvious this child is being respectful. What about at a job interview or something like that? Who do you think would leave the better impression, the person who showed respect to the hiring manager by saying ma'am/sir, or the one who said "yes"?

 

The fact that you are unable to accept that this is not true in every part of the world doesn't make it true. It simply means that you are so culturally ingrained to believe that it's true, that you can't see any other way of looking at it. I held many jobs in high school, college, and after college, and I can assure you I never said "sir" or "ma'am" during an interview or at any other time when speaking to my bosses. Despite my apparent complete disregard for manners and respect (in your opinion) there is only one job I've ever interviewed for that I didn't get, and that is almost certainly due to the fact that I was pregnant and they knew I'd be there only temporarily. (DH is military and we'd just moved to the area. I couldn't work in my field due to the pregnancy, so I was looking for a job to take me to the end of the pregnancy.)

 

You simply cannot insist that your way of looking at things is the only way to look at them, and that everyone agrees. Well actually, I guess you can, since you can say/think anything you want, but it doesn't make it true. The first step to seeing the world as it really is, is recognizing that you (general you) have cultural biases. When you insist that all that "sir" and "ma'am" stuff is "proof" that someone is being respectful, you are exhibiting the same kind of bias as people who insist that a southern accent is "proof" that someone is less intelligent. I hear my nieces and nephews say it all the time, because if they don't, they get in trouble. When they remember to say it, it's not because they're being respectful; it's because they don't want to get yelled out.

 

If I were to say "sir" or "ma'am" at a job interview, it would be because I was in the south and I knew they wanted me to say it. It would annoy me, because I would think it was stupid that they'd hire or not hire someone based on idiotic things like that, but I would humor them in order to get the dang job. Now tell me, where on earth is the respect in all that? :001_huh: (Editing to add that I am not calling the custom "idiotic" but rather the fact that an employer would be unable to recognize that it's a regional thing, meaning the failure to conform shouldn't get someone labeled as less respectful or not worthy of hiring. THAT is idiotic, IMNSHO, not the custom of saying "sir" or "ma'am".) You cannot honestly believe there aren't thousands of teens across the south doing the same thing. I happen to know a few of them. I guess you truly believe you'd be able to weed out those of us who do it to humor you and those of us who do it out of sincere respect. I doubt your bs meter is that good, though. The teens I know with jobs would suggest most bosses' bs meters aren't that good. ;)

Edited August 29, 2010 by Snowfall

[kewb]

I was in my late teens/early 20's the first time someone called me ma'am

 

I am not offended if someone calls me ma'am. I definitely prefer ma'am to being called honey. Neither am I offended if someone does not say it.

 

The respect culture where I grew up (NY) does not include ma'am and sir after a please and a thank you. It is used when assisting someone and you don't know their name. i.e. "Excuse me, ma'aam, do you need anything else today."

[naturegirl7]

Growing up in PA - this didn't happen. I called my parents friends by their first names, all our friends called my parents by their first names. I mean, you always started with Mr & Mrs. so-and-so - but then the grownup would laugh and say "Oh no, Mr./Mrs. so-and-so is my father/MIL, call me *insert first name*" It was not a lack of respect at all.

 

Down here in FL it is the total opposite - very weird and hard to get used to for us. I get Ma'am-ed all the time and honestly I detest it! I am not a little old lady who deserves any sort of difference and extra respect.

The tendency is to call grownup Miss/Mr FirstName too - which is just weird. That was saved for preschool and sunday school teachers....

I have some playgroup friends call me Miss Michelle and it is just weird. I don't make a fuss over it, but I also don't teach DS that he has to call people by that. If they introduce themselves to him as Jess, then he calls them Jess. If they introduce themselves as Miss Jess, then that is what we use. I also don't do the ma'ams and sirs. I stress "yes please" or "no thank you" which I think shows more respect. BUt we have a really laid back circle of friends too - so no biggie if some kids do it and others don't

[mommaduck]

Growing up in PA - this didn't happen. I called my parents friends by their first names, all our friends called my parents by their first names. I mean, you always started with Mr & Mrs. so-and-so - but then the grownup would laugh and say "Oh no, Mr./Mrs. so-and-so is my father/MIL, call me *insert first name*" It was not a lack of respect at all.

 

Down here in FL it is the total opposite - very weird and hard to get used to for us. I get Ma'am-ed all the time and honestly I detest it! I am not a little old lady who deserves any sort of difference and extra respect.

The tendency is to call grownup Miss/Mr FirstName too - which is just weird. That was saved for preschool and sunday school teachers....

I have some playgroup friends call me Miss Michelle and it is just weird. I don't make a fuss over it, but I also don't teach DS that he has to call people by that. If they introduce themselves to him as Jess, then he calls them Jess. If they introduce themselves as Miss Jess, then that is what we use. I also don't do the ma'ams and sirs. I stress "yes please" or "no thank you" which I think shows more respect. BUt we have a really laid back circle of friends too - so no biggie if some kids do it and others don't

Ugh, my BIL and his family have taken to the "everyone by their first name" bit here in PA also. I can't tell you how much it irks me for my nieces and nephews to come up and call me by my first name without "aunt" or "auntie" in front of it. It's disrespectful (and you have to know this BIL and these kids...they are rude in MANY other ways as well, intentionally so).

[JennyD]

 

When it comes to the issue of first or last name for adults, I teach my kids that it is polite to address anyone as they wish to be addressed. So, if someone introduces themselves as Mr. Jones, that's what you should call them. If they introduce themselves as Bob, that's what you should call them.

 

This is what I do, too. Where I live (NYC) the current norm seems to be for adults to introduce themselves to children by first names. If I am doing the introduction myself I say," This is Ms./Mr. Smith" and then 9 out of 10 times the adult corrects me, "Oh no, call me Pete."

 

I have to admit that I found it rather strange at first for little kids to call me by my first name -- I grew up in this area but this norm has apparently changed over the last 30 years -- but when it was clear that all of the other moms were using first names only, I felt that it came off as slightly ostentatious for me to be the only mother going by Ms. Jones.

 

As far as ma'am goes, I have no real opinion -- I've almost never heard it and I don't think I've ever used that word in my whole life. Sounds fine, though.

[ma23peas]

Lived in Seattle/Atlanta...traveled abroad...but raised in the South...it merely is a term of respect and essentially anyone 1 year older than you can call you ma'am! :) It's a good thing! :)

 

When in Rome...

[Kari C in SC]

Yep, I live in SC and am Ma'am'd a lot. :D

 

It has to do with politeness and civility in the South, as well as respect of younger toward older, and respect of authority figures.

 

I say "yes ma'am" to cash register ladies, even if they are younger than I, as well as ladies who are obviously older than myself.

 

:iagree: I am not originally from SC, so it was strange for me when I first moved here. A friend of mine's husband called me ma'am once when I was helping him out with something. It was odd to me! I told him not to call me ma'am. Now a year later, I hear myself telling my children to say "Yes, ma'am or No ma'am" when I am telling them to do something. I guess I am settling in to SC afterall.