My world just ended....

[annandatje]

You have received wise advice, both practically and spiritually. I truly hope you find friends and a spiritual home that do not look down upon you and your family. One of the best mothers I know had her child at 15.

 

I read only the first page of posts so I may have missed whether anyone already has asked about this. Honestly it is none of my business but I am curious.

 

In conservative Christian culture, I had gathered that "to court" meant that both sets of parents approved of the potential match and that both families, particularly the sweethearts themselves, shared religious and cultural values. I understand that courting is usually chaperoned and that the young couple met secretly.

 

My question is this: how is it that the young man and his family share extremely different viewpoints about the father honoring the mother-to-be by marriage or at the very least being a true father to the baby? If I recall correctly, you stated that he already had another lover. What are the boy's parents doing to counsel him away from his destructive behavior?

[eight_gregorys]

Sadly, I've been there. I was 15 when I got pregnant with my oldest dd. It was hard. I was shunned by our church....people would whisper and snicker when I walked by....even in church. Looking back now...it was just sad how ridiculously judgmental people were. I wouldn't concern myself with it if I were you. Just find support for yourself and your daughter. I know its hard....just let her know that she has your support. I will be praying for your family.

[hana]

Congratulations to your daughter and your family!

 

Good luck as you struggle through the difficult parts of this.

[tex-mex]

Certainly a life-changing mistake but not the end of the world. Praying for you and your daughter. :grouphug:

:iagree: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[twilkin]

The boy in question has no father in his life. His mother was very much a part of their relationship, watching over them, giving them advice. Now he has completely shut her out too. We have left him messages that it is ok for him to call my dd, our pastor has also left him messages offering support, but he has completely shut everyone out. We only found out about the new relationship through his facebook status.

Obviously we thought he was an honorable young man to let our dd court him. And yes, they snuck out together at night because we would not allow them time alone. I'm not saying he is bad at all just that he is very confused, scared, and probably going to make stupid decisions right now while he is not thinking right. My heart goes out to both dd and this young man as they try to deal with the consequences of their actions. Please pray for them both.

[3littlekeets]

Worrying about what other people think is the wrong direction. It never matters.

Just love your dd and her baby unconditionally, and without judgement. Its that what real Christianity is about anyway? Its not your job to judge her.

Stay open and soft and teachable, and support your dd without taking away her responsibility for the consequences of her choices. You are not repsonsible, she is.

I think it would be terrible to be "supported" by parents who judge me and feel terrible about the whole situaiton, wringing their hands in angst over what they did wrong, subtly and not so subtly reminding me frequently of my guilt and sin. Ugh. A new baby doesnt need to come into a situation like that. It needs acceptance and love, and so does the mother. And so do you.

 

Wow...that was so lovely. If only we could all take that wisdom to heart each and every day....

[tex-mex]

...I cannot imagine what you must be going through. Your family sounds a lot like ours, and I know this must be devastating for you.

 

My sister also became pregnant as a teenager. My dad was a pastor, and felt much the same as your dh:

 

 

 

My dad even resigned from his church for a time and took a secular job while he sorted things out and dealt with his feelings. My sister was a senior in high school when she became pregnant, and she had her son (he's 30 years old now!) just a week after she graduated from high school--about 6 weeks before she turned 18. She eventually went to college and became a nurse.

 

The same thing happened to the dd of some dear friends of ours. The father is a pastor. Their dd got pregnant at 16. Now, the girl is 20 years old and has an adorable 3 year old son. She and her son live at home with her parents; she finished high school and is attending college (making excellent grades) and plans to go to medical school to become a pediatrician. She is very smart, and has the support of her family, and I believe she will succeed.

 

I say all of this to encourage you: this is NOT the end of the world. God can and will use even this situation to bring glory to Himself and to bless your family.

 

In our homechurch, we have a 28 yr old woman who (back when she was a teen) was pregnant and went thru a similar situation with her family who were church going and in a small town. They weathered the storm of judgment and the teen decided to let the baby be open-adopted by a Pastor's family. Now 12 years later, the woman is an amazing person! God used that event to draw her closer to him. The baby and Pastor's family are fantastic people. The woman (still single -- she made a vow of celibacy afterwards until she gets married.) and her parents live a few hours away and visit the adoptee's family often -- it is an wonderful story! I hope this encourages you. :grouphug:

Edited July 13, 2010 by tex-mex

[kalanamak]

If he gets away with dumping the girl when she's pregnant, he'll just do it to the next one, and the next ... (jmo)

 

 

:iagree: I have a relative who was number 3!!

[OnTheBrink]

This might be some comfort to your dh. http://www.amazon.com/Daddy-Im-Pregnant-Familys-Turning/dp/0899008003 It's written by a man who was a pastor when his young daughter became pregnant. It's written as a diary and chronicles the feelings and decisions and results of the situation when the pregnant girl is a pastor's daughter. Your dh might find some encouragement and hope in this father's words.

 

Please tell your daughter that God separates our sins from us as the east is from the west. She repented and she has nothing to feel ashamed about. Look forward with joy this precious babe's arrival--he/she is a blessing!

[MistyJ]

There are those who know they are children of a loving, and merciful God, and who know their own sinfulness and dependence on grace. These people will love your family through this.

 

There are those who are spiritually proud, and will be scandalized by this.

 

You will be surprised by who abandons you, but those who support you will be 10x more valuable. God is sifting out the wheat from the chaff.

 

We can teach our children, but we can't control them. That's how God feels about us, right? Love your daughter, and help her weather the social consequences gracefully.

[Liz CA]

Indeed congratulations are in order! I was so hung up on the title of the post that I completely forgot. So...this will be a winter/early spring baby? Makes me think of crocheting cute little hats and jackets. :001_smile:

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

The boy in question has no father in his life. His mother was very much a part of their relationship, watching over them, giving them advice. Now he has completely shut her out too. We have left him messages that it is ok for him to call my dd, our pastor has also left him messages offering support, but he has completely shut everyone out. We only found out about the new relationship through his facebook status.

Obviously we thought he was an honorable young man to let our dd court him. And yes, they snuck out together at night because we would not allow them time alone. I'm not saying he is bad at all just that he is very confused, scared, and probably going to make stupid decisions right now while he is not thinking right. My heart goes out to both dd and this young man as they try to deal with the consequences of their actions. Please pray for them both.

 

Oh, I'm so sorry. Your daughter must be a jumble of emotions.

 

I will be praying.

[dragons in the flower bed]

Another girlmom here, once was, anyway, and I want to pass on something my grandmother said to me that meant a lot at the time...

 

A baby is a wonderful thing. Congratulations.

 

I want to add, it won't be the life you imagined, but it will be okay and even great in it's own ways. Don't let anyone tell you your life is ruined before you're thirty. Being a girlmom is more like, well, you thought you were going to London, and it turns out you were going to Rome. It's a whole different wonder, a whole different joy. Don't get disheartened looking at the lives of your peers. Remember that the lives of all those people who did go to London as planned are going to be just as hard as yours in Rome will be, only at different times and in different ways. In nine months you will shake in horror at the idea that you might never have known this child, and while you rock your little bit you will sing praise songs, I promise.

Edited July 13, 2010 by dragons in the flower bed

[LauraGB]

The boy in question has no father in his life. His mother was very much a part of their relationship, watching over them, giving them advice. Now he has completely shut her out too. We have left him messages that it is ok for him to call my dd, our pastor has also left him messages offering support, but he has completely shut everyone out. We only found out about the new relationship through his facebook status.

Obviously we thought he was an honorable young man to let our dd court him. And yes, they snuck out together at night because we would not allow them time alone. I'm not saying he is bad at all just that he is very confused, scared, and probably going to make stupid decisions right now while he is not thinking right. My heart goes out to both dd and this young man as they try to deal with the consequences of their actions. Please pray for them both.

 

The fact that you are this generous and wise right now speaks volumes about your character. Many parents in this situation would not be so kind to this young man. Your daughter is very fortunate to have such wise and loving parents.

 

My best friend in high school was pregnant at 16. She had her baby by 17, finished high school (a private Catholic one where everyone looked down upon her). I went with her when she told the boyfriend. He begged her not to tell his parents and told her she could do whatever she wanted, but he didn't want anything to do with the situation. And he never has. With her parents' support (and not financial), she put herself through nursing school and worked and raised her lovely daughter. She is now head of the OB department at the hospital where she works, she put her daughter through 12 years of private school and her daughter is now a freshman in college. She also married a few years ago and has two young sons. She has a wonderful life and is incredibly blessed, and much of that has to do with the support her parents gave her.

 

:grouphug: to you and your family as you work through this and plan for the future.

[LauraGB]

Honey, I say this gently, but your world did not just end. It is only beginning. 22 years ago - I was a pregnant 16 year old. I gave birth to the most wonderful gift. His name was Timmy and he lit up our lives for 21 amazing years. He was killed in a car accident in May. This morning, the Army brought all of his belongings. I opened the box with his blanket and pillows. I buried my head in his pillow to smell him and sobbed. My heart is broken and I feel like my life has ended, but it hasn't. I have to keep going on. I was that 16 year old who went to high school pregnant. I was the girl that was supposed to have a scholarship to any school of her choosing. I chose to get pregnant - not by accident because I loved my boyfriend who has now been my husband for 20 years.

 

My dad got very sick one month after Timmy was born. He spent the next 9 years battling devastating illness. My mom always said that Timmy was sent to light her way. She would look at my dad falling apart in front of her and then look at Timmy smiling at her. He was the best thing and not a bad thing at all. I know this is tough for you, but remember that God has a plan. As hard as that has been for me to believe these last 2 months, I keep telling myself. I keep asking why God gave me Timmy when I was 16 and then took him away - I don't know and will never know until I get to heaven. Please, breathe and know that this is not the end... it is just the beginning. Blessings to you!

 

ETA - Many times over these last two months, I have sat quietly and thought about being pregnant at 16. I have wished that I could go back and hold my baby boy. I can't and I know that. Please love your daughter and her child. Do not worry about what people will say - if they will say anything at all. I can't remember a single person saying anything awful to me. It really will all be okay.

 

Oh Kari! :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[jenL]

Some of the replies here have been incredibly insightful, heartfelt, and beautiful. I don't know what else I can add, but I have a story I'd like to share.

 

My sil grew up in a very Christian household. She found herself pregnant at 17 and the guy denied the entire thing even though it was the first time she had ever had sex. Through it all, she was accepted and surrounded in love, and my niece, Kayla, was born. My sil planned to give her up for adoption, but once she saw her, she realized God wanted her to have this little girl. Kayla graduated from high school this year, and she is off to college in the fall. She is a delightful, funny, talented young woman, and I cannot imagine what it would be like to not have her in my life. My sil thanks God for her daily. My sil was raising my niece alone when she met dh's brother. He married her, and both have been blessed by Kayla's presence. My sil is an amazing, homeschooling mother despite having her child at 17. She has gone on to minister the community through volunteering at the local Crisis Pregnancy Center, and her story is an inspiration to many young moms who find themselves young and pregnant. This may be your daughter some day... God will take care of her; He has promised us that.

 

This is not the end, but a new beginning, and God's plan WILL be great. Tell your daughter we are praying for her. We are praying for you and your family. As someone has already said, "Grace is enough". God bless you all. :grouphug:

[Lymeade Mom]

I have wonderful friends who became parents at the same age. It was a one time mistake that changed their lives too. They had struggles for many years, but God has redeemed their marriage and their teenage dd is a wonderful girl who at this point is not following the same road.

[Catiejoy]

we had a similar situation in our family, I can attest that God can work all things for good, the relative is now married to someone who is unable to have children due to having cancer as a child and that baby is a blessing, Prayers for peace are coming your way from us

[hillfarm]

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

 

 

Perhaps you could gently suggest your dh consider how God feels, look how many of His children have gone astray. If our Heavenly Father, who could force all His children to behave, chooses to allow free will and personal responsibility, how could your dh offer any less?

 

While your dd has made her life tougher, it certainly isn't over. She does not have to be a statistic. She can still map out a great life with the variables she still has to work with.

[CLHCO]

How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

 

God is still in charge of your ministry. He certainly understands the sorrow from the situation that brought you this challenge, and the trial ahead it will bring. However, I believe He was aware before time began it would occur, and it is already built into His plans for your family. It may not be YOUR plans, but He created this baby and already knows the child's future in His Kingdom. This situation is woven into your future, and the future of that grandbaby, His glorious creation.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm just pleased as punch over the kind replies you've received here. I think you'll be surprised to find they're far more common than you're imagining right now. When you find the few who will throw you scorn, try not to focus on them so much that you forget all of those who will simply love you through this.

[m0mmaBuck]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[MyThreeSons]

:grouphug: I think you'll find that for the most part people will be more understanding than what you're expecting. Your world hasn't ended -- the future simply isn't going to be as you had planned.

[Greta]

Twilkin, I have to tell you in all honesty, I was so relieved and happy to read the content of your post! When I saw the title, I thought of Kari, I feared the worst, and I couldn't even bring myself to open this thread for awhile because I was so afraid your child had died. What wonderful, joyous news that your family is growing, that you will be blessed with the birth of a grandchild! Please give your daughter an extra hug from me, and tell her that a perfect stranger in Albuquerque, New Mexico wishes her a healthy pregnancy, an easy birth, and many years the joy of motherhood, the most incomprehensible, inexpressible joy in the world!

 

I am so happy for her, because I know that while the road ahead of her is not an easy one, it is so worthwhile. I know that joy of holding a newborn baby in your arms and feeling for the first time that you understand the purpose of your life. Your daughter has such bliss ahead of her. Challenges and hardships yes, and bliss.

[QueenCat]

Our pastors and friends couldn't be better support for my daughter or my family. My dd definately plans on keeping the baby and will be a wonderful mother. And I know God will turn it all around for good. Already my daughter and I are closer because of this and spending a LOT more time in prayer.

 

As far as the boy is concerned I don't want to ruin his life. If he chooses not to be part of this it will be his loss. His own mother is very much wanting to be a part of it and is horrified at her son's response. (Also raised in church) We are reaching out to her as much as possible so she does not blame herself. It takes two after all.

 

/QUOTE]

 

I am so glad your pastors are supportive. Please re-think the thoughts on the daddy. It is unfair to expect your daughter to raise all of the $ for the next 18-20 years to raise this child, nor for your family to do so either. I know $ is only one factor but do think about that when you have had time to get control of your emotions. And you aren't ruining his life by having him contribute to the finances of HIS child.

[QueenCat]

I couldn't agree more. In a church we attended as a teen, the pastor's step-daughter became pregnant. They made her stand before the church, apologize, and give the details of the event. My mother left for good.

 

Oh my, so sad, and to me, not a church led by Christians. So very sad.

[twilkin]

Kari's post certainly put everything into perspective. I don't know why I felt guilty about being excited about the new baby but this forum has been absolutely wonderful. I never expected the support that has been shown. I would love to print out all the posts and put them up on a wall to be a constant reminder of God's love, grace, and forgiveness. The stories everyone has shared have broken my heart and given me a feeling hope. I can only liken my feelings to a first child leaving home. It was as if I suffered a loss and was too busy mourning that loss to realize the blessing in front of me. I'm still mixed emotions, but trying desperately to focus on dd's relationship w/ God, her self-image, and the future and not the past.

Thank you again everyone. Your support and encouragement have meant so much.

[Ohdanigirl]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Don't worry about everyone else. Remember that when they point a finger at you there are always three pointing back at them. Life is not over. Different, yes. You can get though it together as a family and be stronger because of it.

 

School is still possible. I was able tp attend college while raising two. It was hard, but meant all the much more.

 

Good luck. You will be in my prayers.

 

Danielle

[Heather in OK]

Congratulations!! Children are a blessing from the Lord!

 

I'm a little late coming to this thread so I may be repeating something but a few things stood out to me in your OP.

 

she will have to deal with the judgement of everyone she comes into contact with, the whole family will be judged.

You can not control the reactions of other people. What you can control is your trust in God, choosing to move through this time with grace, and welcoming this little one into your family.

 

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

What do you represent? Do you represent a God who turns away from His children when they do not follow His plan for their lives? Do you represent a God who looks at you and says, "Oh gee. How will I ever be able to bring another soul into My Kingdom when you are living this way? I can't believe you did this to Me." Do you represent a God who looks at the choices you make and gives judgement instead of grace.

 

I certainly hope not.

 

God still loves her, is standing right next to her through this, and is going to use her story (and your family's story) to minister to someone someday.

 

She needs the same grace and love from her Daddy.

 

The pastors are behind her because she is repentant but even they will suffer backlash for supporting her. Even the younger siblings will suffer pain from the comments made by people.

It's great your pastors are supporting her. But...who gives a flying flip what other people think??? Honestly, it's none of their business what goes on with your family. I certainly hope your pastors will stand up to any backlash and be an example of the grace given to us.

 

I've been reading through all your wonderful encouragement and I've decided to let my daughter read this thread because I think all of your comments will be incredibly encouraging to her because they have been to me. Thank you all.

Congratulations!!!! I pray that you have a wonderful and healthy pregnancy and delivery!

[LibraryLover]

I did not realize Kari had posted before I had. Kari, your unimaginable loss and reality is profound-- my hypothectical is not. You are living every mother's worst nightmare, and I think of you and your boy daily. I did not know you had posted...your words would have been enough.

Edited July 13, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Caraway]

My cousin got pregnant in high school, following the death of her father. I think that since I was not much younger my parents made a big point about what a bad situation this was for my cousin. My cousin's sister did everything "right" and she was held up as the one who followed the rules. She got married to the "perfect" guy, and then had a baby. Turns out Mr. Perfect beat her and threw her down the stairs, breaking her jaw. They divorced and she has raised her son alone in very trying circumstances. My unwed pregnant cousin quietly married later, had additional kids, and is leading a fantastic life.

 

What looks perfect is not always so. And what looks... wrong, can turn out very right.

 

It is okay to mourn. But it is also okay to be happy and excited.

 

:grouphug:

[Teachin'Mine]

Twinklin you didn't go wrong. God has given us many gifts, and one of them is the gift of free will. We don't always make the best choices. Your daughter is 15, and she will be judged by others, but hopefully she will be supported by her family.

 

Love her, help her, and welcome her baby into your family. Jesus would do no less for any one of us. :)

[Laurie4b]

Every child is a blessing and God is so gracious! Joseph's brothers sinned against him, but God took that sin and turned it around back into something that ended up blessing those who had sinned against him, his father, and more.

 

Your dd's baby is alive and she is choosing that. That is a moral good to choose life. Your dd sinned. She has repented and is forgiven. Move on in the grace of God.

 

I would neither concern myself with whether i was ruining the father's life nor automatically press the father for child support. You want to make the decision based on what is best for the child. I would encourage you to think about. Sometimes having an irresponsible father tied to the child is worse than no child support. I would encourage you to decide whether his presence will be a good thing or a negative thing for the child. You may not know one way or the other until the child is born. Once he pays child support, he's entitled to visitation, etc. Again, that could be good or bad, depending on the character of the father. Sometimes it's better to have the father sign away his parental rights and him not pay child support and your dd be able to raise the child in peace. Other times, it's better for the father to be part of the life of the child.

 

Blessings to you, your husband, dd, her baby, and your other children.

[Jugglin'5]

This has been a lovely thread to read in many ways - so much wisdom offered. Twilkin, I think your daughter must be a wonderful girl, and I'm sure she will be a wonderful mom. So many times God's path for us or our children is not what we imagined it would be. I've no doubt He will bring your daughter and your family through this.

[tampamommy]

And she got pregnant at that same age. Her parents had her finish high school, too. It was difficult for her, and many people at school were not kind. Some people at our church were not kind either (we went to the same church). That made me sick to my stomach - the absolute height of hypocrisy in the church. It still makes me angry, just thinking about it.

 

I always tried to be kind to her and show her support. I didn't ask questions that weren't my business. I listened when she wanted to talk, always said hello and smiled, and we got to know each other fairly well between 10th and 12th grades. We live very far apart now, but we still exchange Christmas cards. About 10 years after that first pregnancy, she told me that my friendship had meant a lot and helped her get through it. I had no idea of that. My heart just went out to her at the time and I helped in the only way I felt I could.

 

So maybe help your daughter to focus on people who are not judgemental and not nosy, but are kind and loving. The others aren't real friends anyway.

 

My friend's boyfriend was a senior when she got pregnant and he too became uninterested and moved on to other girls. But after the baby was born, he got back together with her. They got married when she was 18. She never did get to college, but she had two additional beautiful children, and all three children are now grown. She and her husband are still married and have been since then.

 

Things did work out, albeit not the way at all that she and her parents had originally planned her life and education. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to you all.

[NorthwestMom]

This has been a lovely thread to read in many ways - so much wisdom offered. Twilkin' date=' I think your daughter must be a wonderful girl, and I'm sure she will be a wonderful mom. So many times God's path for us or our children is not what we imagined it would be. I've no doubt He will bring your daughter and your family through this.[/quote']

 

I completely agree. This thread has been one of the highlights of my day. Not one person condemned your daughter. We have all made mistakes and used poor judgment. A baby is not the worst consequence that could have happened. I hope your DD has a healthy and happy pregnancy and this child lives a blessed life.

[angela in ohio]

There are those who know they are children of a loving, and merciful God, and who know their own sinfulness and dependence on grace. These people will love your family through this.

 

There are those who are spiritually proud, and will be scandalized by this.

 

You will be surprised by who abandons you, but those who support you will be 10x more valuable. God is sifting out the wheat from the chaff.

 

Exactly. We went through something recently, and it was fascinating to see who really loved us (when we had NO idea they did!) and who acted it before but didn't really. I am grateful for that insight that God granted us, even though it came through a painful time.

 

A friend once told me that so many are vile sinners, but their porn addiction/ anger/ infidelity/ etc. doesn't show on the outside. A teen girl wears hers visibly, and so others feel so free to condemn, even if they are unrepentant for sin in their own life.

 

You will no lose your witness. It will just be a different one; it will be to other parents who need you very much.

Edited July 13, 2010 by angela in ohio

[Guest Cindie2dds]

Love, love, love on your daughter! She needs you to be a mama bear for her right now. Seeing you love her unconditionally; that can be a very powerful witness of your Faith. When that precious angel arrives, your fear of man will dissappear.:grouphug:

[HeidiKC]

I completely agree. This thread has been one of the highlights of my day. Not one person condemned your daughter. We have all made mistakes and used poor judgment. A baby is not the worst consequence that could have happened. I hope your DD has a healthy and happy pregnancy and this child lives a blessed life.

 

:iagree:

 

This is my favorite thread I've ever read, because of all the wonderful support and encouragement offered. I will never look upon an unwed teen the same way again and will be sure to offer congratulations. You people are just wonderful!

[mommaduck]

:iagree: Absolutely. If he's man enough to impregnate your daughter, he's man enough to step up and claim his share of the responsibility.

:iagree:

 

btw, YOU didn't go wrong. Each of us can only do our best as parents and kids DO make decisions (and I don't know a single one of us that has ALWAYS made the right ones all the time). We ARE blessed with Grace though. And that is what we should have for each other. The best way to minister, is to be there to support your daughter and grandbaby...to love them and help them continue on. And skip the people that want to be in judgment of anyone else.

 

One of our former pastors had a daughter (albeit a bit older and engaged) get pregnant before they married. Not a single person in the church stood in judgment of the young couple. Instead, they got our love and support.

[unsinkable]

In our homechurch, we have a 28 yr old woman who (back when she was a teen) was pregnant and went thru a similar situation with her family who were church going and in a small town. They weathered the storm of judgment and the teen decided to let the baby be open-adopted by a Pastor's family. Now 12 years later, the woman is an amazing person! God used that event to draw her closer to him. The baby and Pastor's family are fantastic people. The woman (still single -- she made a vow of celibacy afterwards until she gets married.) and her parents live a few hours away and visit the adoptee's family often -- it is an wonderful story! I hope this encourages you. :grouphug:

 

I know a few girls, now women, who became pregnant and let the babies be adopted. (Not open, though.)

 

Adoption is a courageous decision, IMO.

[Pippen]

I know this must be incredibly painful, but your world has not ended. Your world has changed. It changed from what is was two weeks ago and it has changed what you had envisioned for your daughter's future.

 

Now she will have to deal with the judgement of everyone she comes into contact with, the whole family will be judged. We've worked so hard to raise our children in the Lord only to have this happen. Where did we go wrong? We have always been a church family. Every Sunday, Wednesdays, serving the church and people every opportunity. We talked with her about waiting. .

 

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily? .

 

The pastors are behind her because she is repentant but even they will suffer backlash for supporting her. Even the younger siblings will suffer pain from the comments made by people

 

This may be a time in your life when you will find yourselves having to re-examine what you believe and who you choose to believe with. We can choose to listen to and believe words of self-incrimination and doubt, along with the judgmental remarks of others. Or we can choose to believe scripture when it tells us that God's forgiveness is complete and that judgment belongs to God alone (James 4:12).

 

God is not through with your daughter or your family because of one choice. If what you have worked so hard for was to be a family who is obedient to Christ, then you move forward from here with that same goal. Love her, love the baby, and protect all involved from acts and words that represent man taking God's business into their own hands.

 

:grouphug:

Edited July 13, 2010 by Pippen

[lovemyboys]

:iagree::grouphug: Kari, I cried while reading that. My thoughts continue to be with you and your family.

 

To the OP God didn't call us to minister and be strong in just the good times. He forms us and holds us during what we perceive to be the worst moments of our lives. And as he is God, sometimes, in time, those become our moments of greatest blessing.

 

:grouphug: Kari

 

:grouphug: OP

 

Beautiful wise words by so many here.

 

My sister had a friend who got pregnant at 14. The one big difference was that her young boyfriend was mature beyond his years. They got married near the end of high school. The grandparents all helped care for the baby. Over 30 years later, that "girl" is still married, they had 5 children and are now great-grandparents. God will see you through this and bless your faithfulness in ways you cannot even imagine.

[Hockey Mom]

Can I just say that I wish we lived in a world as kind and as caring as this online community is? :)

 

Twilkin, I too am of the opinion that all babies are a blessing from God. May the Lord grant you peace of heart, strength for your DD to endure, and a change of heart from anyone who judges your family harshly.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

:iagree:

 

This is my favorite thread I've ever read, because of all the wonderful support and encouragement offered. I will never look upon an unwed teen the same way again and will be sure to offer congratulations. You people are just wonderful!

:iagree:

[lionfamily1999]

It doesn't have to be the end of everything. It will be difficult, but (but but BUT) the backlash you are worried about will be much worse in your own head than in reality (my sin is always before me). Your daughter's testimony has changed, :grouphug: she can still testify.

[Lovedtodeath]

 

leave a father off of his child's birth certificate?

As far as I know it is illegal now.

[Alicia64]

I haven't read the other posts, but I just wanted to say congratulations. You're about to have a beautiful new baby in your life and, one day, you're going to be so, so thankful.

 

Babies are blessings. Period.

 

Mature, wise people know that life happens. Teens do dumb things. Smart people know that. It doesn't matter who your parents are.

 

There are many people out here -- myself included -- who HONOR you for being a wonderful mom (and dh a wonderful dad) in this situation.

 

Anything less is not honoring God.

 

Take good care and congratulations again,

 

Alley

[TXMomof4]

It may be hard to see now, but you will be even more qualified to minister to other people because you will have lived through a hardship and made it to the other side.

 

 

:grouphug:

 

It's easy to talk about grace and forgiveness. It's much harder to truly ACCEPT grace and forgiveness and to KNOW what it means. This can serve to make you and your family much stronger. Think of the parable Jesus told to Simon the Pharisee. Who is more grateful, the man who was forgiven a pittance or the man who was forgiven a fortune. Jesus knows and loves all of you - including that precious child growing right now.

[QueenCat]

I have to say something here.

 

Why the automatic response to leave a father off of his child's birth certificate? It doesn't take away the fact that he is that child's father and if he wants visitation he can still get it. If his rights need to be terminated so that the OP can adopt her grandchild, fine, but leaving him off the bc doesn't help that much. He and his parents already know that this is his baby.

 

There are no words to convey how crushed my husband would have been if his former girlfriend had simply left him off our son's birth certificate. It's wrong. You know who the father is, his name should be on the document. Kids need dads and I am forever grateful that my son's bio mom realized that, and has never tried to shut dh out of ds's life. He is a better boy because he has his father firmly in his life. Yes, dh had to grow up fast, but he did it and he is raising an amazing young man.

 

I don't know the boy in the OP obviously, but a lot of people seem ready to malign him right from the start. His actions could mean that he is a creep but they could also be the mistakes of an immature and shocked 16 yo kid. Only the OP and her dd know if his actions stem from lust, shock and immaturity that can be overcome, or if his actions are evidence of a deeper character issue.

 

Men and women all make wrong choices, let's not pin this all on the young man and make him out to be a villain, ok?

 

:iagree: I agree, give the young man some time to absorb this, and maybe he'll man up, it already sounds like his parents will be encouraging him to do so. If it were my son, we would be involved even if our son didn't man up in the beginning.

[Carrie12345]

:iagree: I agree, give the young man some time to absorb this, and maybe he'll man up, it already sounds like his parents will be encouraging him to do so. If it were my son, we would be involved even if our son didn't man up in the beginning.

 

:iagree::iagree:

It took ds' father (who was in his 20's) MONTHS to come to terms with an unplanned pregnancy, and years to become a decent father. I can only imagine how much harder it might be for a teenaged boy.

 

Today, despite the fact that my husband has been the main father-figure in ds's life, my ex plays a very important role to ds. *I* may hate the whole thing, but it isn't about me. It's about my son deserving to know and love his biological father.

 

If this boy decides to voluntarily sever his rights down the road, then that may be for the best. To intend to *pursue* that based on his initial reaction is awfully extreme.

 

Sharing a child may not be fun, but it IS one of the consequences of creating a child with another person.