Very personal ? for atheists (from an atheist)

[Carrie12345]

Please, oh PLEASE, do not let this thread get twisted!!!!

 

Being atheist in a religious culture is something I've learned to live with. "God bless you"'s, mentions of heaven, and general references of a higher power typically don't bother me in the least.

 

Right now, I'm waiting on my CVS results. Last week, we were told our baby is at *extreme* high risk for Trisomy 18 or 13, both considered fatal. They recommend further testing at around 1:100. My blood came back as 1:<5.

 

It's been an excruciating week that hasn't been helped by my (well, one of my) midwives' religiously biased "counseling". I've been with that practice for over 7 years, and I never would have guessed the response I got. Not even when I lost 2 earlier pregnancies did I hear any religious talk from a hcp (including my midwives).

 

I've pretty much locked myself in my house b/c I'm so sick of hearing about angels and people praying for me. Yes, I know they have the best of intentions, but I don't want an "angel", and my baby's chromosome testing is going to reveal what his or her chromosomes already are, and my potential pain is not going to be eased by believing this could be someone's will.

 

Wow. That's more of a rant, huh? But I am wondering how other atheists handle not only a devastating situation, but the responses of everyone around them. What's meant to be helpful is doing nothing but adding to my negative emotions. I thought I was an introvert before, but now I'm wondering if I'm ever going to leave my house again!

[Nan in Mass]

Well, I don't exactly fall into the atheist catagory, but I wanted to reassure you that if I were in your shoes, just about anything anybody said to me would not be helpful. Nothing but gritting my teeth and waiting it out would, and I would be better off doing that safe in my house away from having to deal with other people and their emotions. I don't think your problem is just being an atheist surrounded by religious people. Some people need to deal with stress in a safe place away from people. Some people need to grieve that way, too. I am one of them. Don't worry. When you are through this and strong again, you will once again have the energy to spare to be able to deal with other people and their emoting. I think the victorians were onto something with their veils and mourning clothes, nice obvious signs to keep people at a distance and give you some privacy and keep people from "intruding on your grief". You aren't stuck inside forever. Just pay attention and try to notice when you cross over the invisible line when going out will be good for you. Meanwhile, try to stick with older people who are more likely to be more formal and give you some space.

My condolances,

Nan

[Caraway]

:grouphug:

 

I am not an atheist... but what you describe would still make me very uncomfortable, especially from a HCP.

 

I think that if I were emotionally able I would say:

 

"This is a very personal event and I am trying really hard to process this in my own way. Please respect my right to have a private experience."

 

Then if I still didn't think the HCP was going to "get it":

 

"So, NO more talk about angels and praying strangers!"

[Mommyfaithe]

:grouphug:

It really sucks what you are going through and I am so sorry. The waiting is agonizing. I have no advice...just:grouphug: and tears for you and hoping that it all turns out ok and the original test was in error.

 

I am not an athiest, but when i was going through my own horrible times with an abrupted placenta and a m/c at 19 weeks, what comforted me was a good shoulder to cry on...being allowed to be pissed off and friends who loved me unconditionally.

 

I hope there is someone IRL who can be there for you. You can always pm me. i am a good listener.

 

Faithe

[2cents]

I'm not what I consider atheist. I'm probably closer to agnostic but I really hate labels anyway. I do believe that there are things we can't explain however. I feel your pain and I know it is hard to hear those types of sentiments when you have different beliefs. I had a high risk preg. and felt at times the same way. I think a lot of it comes from those people not really knowing what to say to you. They know what makes them feel better (their beliefs) and that is how they think you'll be comforted. It is their way of trying to connect and make you feel encouraged. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time. :grouphug::grouphug:

[hana]

Also closer to agnostic, and have never been in such a devastating situation, but I couldn't read and not offer support.

 

I'm so sorry you are in this place, and I hope you are able to surround yourself with people with beliefs more like your own that might help you find peace.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Carrie, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. No doubt the stress is difficult.

 

Though I have a very strong faith, I would be just as upset as you regarding this. Like you, I believe the chromosomes are what they are. Additionally, I also wouldn't take comfort in the "God's will" thing. In fact, because of my faith, I'd be even more upset about my God being maligned in such a way.

 

Do you have others around you that believe similarly? I think that the fact that I'm a part of a large group of people who understand and believe as I do would be the only thing that would give me any peace at all. I would actually be afraid to mention it on this board just because others believe SO differently and so though I know they mean well, what you're getting IRL would drive me batty. You certainly don't need any more stress!

 

I hope your results come back soon.

[KnitWit]

Oh ((((Carrie))))

 

I'm sorry for what you are facing.

 

I'm not an atheist, I'm a Christian, but I will tell you that, unfortunately, people who don't know *what* to say, rather than just shutting up, often say things that are not true or applicable. You are exactly right. Angels are created beings who already exist, your baby will not *become* one, and what is going on with your baby is already set in motion and going on and God is not a magician. Truth is...sometimes life is just HARD stuff.

 

I am not posting to frustrate you...but just to tell you, I'm very sorry.

[Parrothead]

I'd imagine the "proper" response should be "Thank you, please pass the bean dip."

 

I think you need to get a support system in place if you don't already have one. Someone you trust to rant at, cry with and hold a hand.

 

I also wouldn't give out too much information. I know your midwife needs to know, but other wise maybe a, "We're doing fine, thank you. Please pass the bean dip," is called for.

[Audrey]

I am an atheist, and I am terribly sorry you are going through this. :grouphug:

 

Religious folks have no idea how much worse they are making your situation with their platitudes. I would have no problem telling them so. You can simply say that you don't want to hear religious talk of any kind because you do not share their faith.

 

That does beg the question of what do you feel WOULD help you? This is easier said than done, I know. However, since HCPs are supposed to help you, it would be easier on you if you are able to articulate what kind of support you do need and want, and then let them know in clear terms.

[Stacia]

I think a lot of it comes from those people not really knowing what to say to you. They know what makes them feel better (their beliefs) and that is how they think you'll be comforted. It is their way of trying to connect

 

:iagree: (not that the reasoning makes the actions right or easier to endure, though...).

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[MamaSheep]

I'm also not an atheist, but just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Waiting for results is AWFUL. I sometimes think the waiting is almost worse than the knowing. I'd be holed up somewhere alone too. And I think I might be tempted to see if I could switch midwives if there were another one at the practice who would suit. Hugs to you, and hopes for happy results. :grouphug:

[Rivka]

Oh, how awful. I am so sorry.

 

People say the stupidest, most horrifying things when someone is experiencing a tragedy or a loss. I think they're trying to distance themselves from having to face how awful it is. But, you know, it is EXACTLY THAT AWFUL. I'm sorry that you have to face what you're facing *and* unhelpful responses at the same time.

 

You don't have to hear people out just because they're trying to be helpful. As soon as you can tell what road they're starting to go down, you could say firmly "Please stop. That is not helpful to me." You don't have to explain why. You don't have to bring up atheism and put yourself at risk of them trying to save your soul. You can just be a broken record: "Because it just isn't helpful to me. I don't want to hear it."

 

In my experience grief is just something you need to grit your teeth and ride out. The only way out is through. It's helped me sometimes to go someplace quiet and beautiful outside and try to remember that I am one tiny part of an immense connected universe - that I may be overwhelmed with pain and fear, but I'm not all that there is, and there will be plenty of world left when my pain and fear are gone. But then, you know, other times I've just wound up lying on the floor crying a lot. There really isn't any way out but through.

 

I'm not an atheist but I don't believe in an interventionist God that could change your baby's chromosomes, or a heaven with little angels in it. I will be hoping like hell that your baby's all right, and failing that I will be hoping that you find strength and peace within yourself, that you're able to be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself, and that the people you love will circle around you and hold you up.

[hornblower]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Carrie.

 

Tell them stop. I think you may need to be more outspoken about how these views are not ones you share & how they are not welcome. Perhaps your dh can do it? Perhaps do it by phone - sometimes it's less awkward than face to face.

 

I would caution you against isolating yourself too much. Do try to find a support group of some sort. A psychologist? Maybe online?

 

And finally, I am sorry.

[Parrothead]

Something else I thought of. If you get someone who is terribly persistent, walk away. Don't worry about offending said terribly persistent person. They haven't the sense to be offended or they will put it down to your state of mind.

 

:grouphug:

[Nakia]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, Carrie. :grouphug::grouphug:

[Avila]

:grouphug: I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you have safe people in your life who won't say those things to you and to whom you can turn for real comfort and support.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Could you possibly just say, "I need to keep this on a very professional basis right now."? I know that I would.

[3littlekeets]

I'm a scientist -- a humanist, and a parent of a child with Down syndrome.

 

Right after she was born, when people said "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle." I snarked back, "Oh, so you think a child is a da*n*ed test! Some God you have!."

 

When people said, "Oh, you must be one special mother to have such a special child," I'd reply, "Thanks. I'm sure that is code for 'thank God it isn't me since 97% of people who know prenatally terminate!"

 

Or when they'd say "God only gives special babies to special people," I'd say, "really explain that to Crack Babies."

 

Oddly, I chose not to test prenatally not because I am religious, but quite the opposite, I believe in letting nature take its course and I believe in biology.

 

And, after my daughter was 3 or 4 months old, and I had heard all the religious comments I could stand, I finally realized that people had absolutely NO CLUE how their comments could be interpreted. I finally learned to say gently, "I respect your beliefs, but I do not share them. I believe Down syndrome is the product of cell-division in nature, and I adore my daughter just as she is. She is not a burden/a gift/ a test. ... etc.... She is what she IS, a child with an extra 21st chromosome."

 

Clearly, your situation is different and your pregnancy may end with a very sad loss, which will only bring more well-meaning comments. It is important, it sounds, for you to think through WHAT you want to express, graciously to your friends who are trying to show support, but do not share your world views.

 

This stinks and I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling right now with your uncertainty and your fears. Know that you are in my thoughts as you wait for your results and I do hope for the best.

 

Much love and support!

 

edited: Perhaps just saying: "truthfully, I don't share your beliefs and this is a very hard time for me. I'm pretty upset and this just isn't helping," might change the direction of the conversation.

Edited June 21, 2010 by 3littlekeets

[melissel]

Carrie, I'm so sorry for all you're going through right now. I agree wholeheartedly with Nan. I'll be thinking about you and hoping for the very best news :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Guest Amy in MS]

Please, oh PLEASE, do not let this thread get twisted!!!!

 

Being atheist in a religious culture is something I've learned to live with. "God bless you"'s, mentions of heaven, and general references of a higher power typically don't bother me in the least.

 

Right now, I'm waiting on my CVS results. Last week, we were told our baby is at *extreme* high risk for Trisomy 18 or 13, both considered fatal. They recommend further testing at around 1:100. My blood came back as 1:<5.

 

It's been an excruciating week that hasn't been helped by my (well, one of my) midwives' religiously biased "counseling". I've been with that practice for over 7 years, and I never would have guessed the response I got. Not even when I lost 2 earlier pregnancies did I hear any religious talk from a hcp (including my midwives).

 

I've pretty much locked myself in my house b/c I'm so sick of hearing about angels and people praying for me. Yes, I know they have the best of intentions, but I don't want an "angel", and my baby's chromosome testing is going to reveal what his or her chromosomes already are, and my potential pain is not going to be eased by believing this could be someone's will.

 

Wow. That's more of a rant, huh? But I am wondering how other atheists handle not only a devastating situation, but the responses of everyone around them. What's meant to be helpful is doing nothing but adding to my negative emotions. I thought I was an introvert before, but now I'm wondering if I'm ever going to leave my house again!

 

I'm so very sorry for what you're going through! I can't imagine how hard it is to be in your position and then to have people who mean well making it worse because of their assumptions. I just want to send you hugs, and to wish you courage and strength. You are going to know what's best for you and your family, and I hope that others will know that too and have compassion wherever your road leads.

 

:grouphug:

 

Really, I don't feel I have anything truly worthwhile to offer you in how to respond, but this is one option that comes to mind. . . I'd perhaps tell people that [whatever the religious thing they just said was] was not a comfort to you, as you do not believe in such things and actually find it cruel, but that you would certainly accept their well meaning assuming that's what it was (If you have the energy for that, sometimes it's not worth the effort, but when you can it might fend off any future comments.)

 

My heart for you!

[Lovedtodeath]

Well, I don't exactly fall into the atheist catagory, but I wanted to reassure you that if I were in your shoes, just about anything anybody said to me would not be helpful. Nothing but gritting my teeth and waiting it out would, and I would be better off doing that safe in my house away from having to deal with other people and their emotions. I don't think your problem is just being an atheist surrounded by religious people.

I don't believe it is God's will to make a baby sick, nor do I believe that angels would change anything.

 

:grouphug:I am so sorry that while you are going through this people say things that are hard for you. It is a common occurrence unfortunately.

Edited June 21, 2010 by Lovedtodeath

[Karen in CO]

:grouphug:

Oh I am sorry for your pain. I am an atheist, but a very vocal one. You need an advocate telling people that what they are saying to you isn't helping. Maybe one loud outburst to please respect your beliefs and quit talking about their religion might help. I wouldn't share the information with anyone that didn't need to know until you were ready to handle the pity that you are going to receive. People really try to help in the best way they know how. I would never tell a religious person something that would offent their beliefs when they were grieving. You have that same right. This isn't the time for you to undertand them - people supporting you need to either understand you or go away and leave you in peace.

[JudoMom]

Another non-athiest here, but I wanted to give you a :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:. I agree that people often don't know what to say, so they say stupid things. I wouldn't expect the comments from a midwife, though, unless we had discussed religion and knew we were on the same page.

 

I am so sorry you're going through this. How much longer do you have to wait?

[TXMomof4]

I agree with Nan - people say things just to have something to say. When our dear friends lost a baby the ignorance that people displayed in the things they said was absolutely shocking. The arrogance as well. I would say just keep it short - "You are not helping me right now. What I need is not religion, just support. Be quiet." (Funny enough, I've had to say that to my husband and I am a religous person.)

 

Hoping for the best for you.

[OnTheBrink]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. People say things that end up bringing more pain because they don't know what to say.

 

When I had a m/c years ago, people said things like "Just be thankful for the kids you already have!" as if the one I lost was superfluous or something. My own mother told me, "God certainly knows what he's doing!" It's horrible and people are thoughtless.

 

I'm a deeply religious person and I can't think of one thing to tell you that would bring ANYONE comfort at a time like this. I don't presume to know the future or the reasons for the present. But I am truly sorry for what you're enduring right now.

[Audrey]

:grouphug:

Oh I am sorry for your pain. I am an atheist, but a very vocal one. You need an advocate telling people that what they are saying to you isn't helping. Maybe one loud outburst to please respect your beliefs and quit talking about their religion might help. I wouldn't share the information with anyone that didn't need to know until you were ready to handle the pity that you are going to receive. People really try to help in the best way they know how. I would never tell a religious person something that would offent their beliefs when they were grieving. You have that same right. This isn't the time for you to undertand them - people supporting you need to either understand you or go away and leave you in peace.

 

 

Excellent advice, but I would lean towards having an advocate speak for you if you're feeling really tense. When I miscarried, my big "outburst" to an overtly religious nurse was to tell her to go f--- herself and the god she rode in on. Not exactly my best moment. :001_unsure:

Edited June 21, 2010 by Audrey

[Carrie12345]

Thank you, sincerely, for not letting me think I'm nuts. :)

 

Excellent advice, but I would lean towards having an advocate speak for you if you're feeling really tense. When I miscarried, by big "outburst" to an overtly religious nurse was to tell her to go f--- herself and the god she rode in on. Not exactly my best moment. :001_unsure:

 

That's kinda where I'm afraid I'm headed if I open my mouth! ;) I'm trying so hard... but then I'm feeling resentful for even having to try! It's ALL a no-win situation!

[Guest Amy in MS]

Thank you, sincerely, for not letting me think I'm nuts. :)

 

 

 

That's kinda where I'm afraid I'm headed if I open my mouth! ;) I'm trying so hard... but then I'm feeling resentful for even having to try! It's ALL a no-win situation!

 

You're not nuts at all, Carrie.

Because religion and faith are so prevalent in our society, most religious people have privilege and blithely assume everyone appreciates, even if they don't agree, with religious sentiment. That you "even have to try," is the sad, "crazy-making" thing. It is rough that you have to ward it off in addition to everything else going on for you!

 

I wish I'd be ballsy enough to say what Audrey said in her situation! :D

Pulling for you!

[Sweetpeach]

I'm so sorry you're walking this path. Painful, gut-wrenching choices.

 

Again, not an atheist, but I want to reassure you that people mean well, even though they don't come across well. A dear friend of ours lost her infant baby due to complications from Downs . . . she is a woman of faith, and I clearly remember her venting and ranting about how callous people could be, though she knew they didn't mean to be.

 

Though she navigated the religious one-liners with tremendous grace [i'm quite certain I would have dropped the gloves had I been in her situation], I know it still caused her pain.

 

I'm sorry you're experiencing pain on top of pain.

 

Lovingly, Tricia

[Haiku]

I am a member of a religious community but I do not believe in a divine being, so I understand where you are coming from. I NEVER, NEVER, NEVER tell people that I will do anything religiously oriented for them because I KNOW FIRSTHAND how extremely irritating it is.

 

Unfortunately, I think the best thing to do is simply say "Thank you" when someone says they will pray for you. As far as a healthcare practitioner getting religious on you, I think that "My beliefs are not the same as yours" or something along those lines would do the trick. But don't listen to me, it took eight years of me going to the same pediatrician, who did talk about god in front of me, and me finally getting a visible tattoo with significance in my religion, before we came to an understanding that we don't share the same faith. :001_smile:

 

Tara

[jenL]

Nothing to add; I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry you are dealing with ALL of this. :grouphug:

[Starr]

Carrie, I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm also a non-athiest but don't think your midwives should say things that will upset you further. I think you should tell them how you feel. Or tell one of them that can share with the others. :grouphug:

[Teachin'Mine]

:grouphug:

[Daisy]

:grouphug:

Oh I am sorry for your pain. I am an atheist, but a very vocal one. You need an advocate telling people that what they are saying to you isn't helping. Maybe one loud outburst to please respect your beliefs and quit talking about their religion might help. I wouldn't share the information with anyone that didn't need to know until you were ready to handle the pity that you are going to receive. People really try to help in the best way they know how. I would never tell a religious person something that would offent their beliefs when they were grieving. You have that same right. This isn't the time for you to undertand them - people supporting you need to either understand you or go away and leave you in peace.

 

:iagree: I completely agree with this and I'm not an atheist.

 

To the OP, I'd just want you to honestly tell me that I wasn't making anything better by sharing my beliefs. It would make me feel horrible to know that I was making your pain worse. I wish people would just ask people what it is they need instead of assuming.

 

Tell yourself you are doing all future atheists a huge favor by being honest with this woman and telling her that she needs to find another means for comforting those in such a difficult time.

[Melinda in VT]

:grouphug:

 

I'm not an atheist (although I have my agnostic moments) but I have been in the position of waiting on CVS results to confirm or deny Trisomy 13, 18, or 21 and it stinks!

 

I also know how unhelpful those comments are. I, too, believed that praying would not change the baby's chromosomes. In fact, we purposefully didn't tell anyone (except for one or two extremely close friends) while we were waiting for the test results because we didn't want to hear about God or prayers.

 

I found the boards at babycenter.com to be extremely helpful while we were waiting. It's been a while, but they used to have a board just for prenatal testing and diagnosis.

 

:grouphug:

[KnitWit]

:iagree: I completely agree with this and I'm not an atheist.

 

To the OP, I'd just want you to honestly tell me that I wasn't making anything better by sharing my beliefs. It would make me feel horrible to know that I was making your pain worse. I wish people would just ask people what it is they need instead of assuming.

 

Tell yourself you are doing all future atheists a huge favor by being honest with this woman and telling her that she needs to find another means for comforting those in such a difficult time.

 

I completely agree with Daisy. It might be hard for me to hear, but I would NEED to hear it. Sometimes, we just need to *stop* before we speak.

[Ester Maria]

:grouphug:

 

Personally, I used to find it quite irritating when I was younger (I don't mean childhood, but even my adulthood, up until some 7-8 years ago), the fact that my life is so intertwined with believers who either make similar comments out of genuine ignorance of the fact I don't share in their beliefs or, the worse option of the two, they do so on purpose because I don't believe (not to spite me or anything, no malintentions; but I suppose assuming I would be more prone to accepting that way of looking at things, or more peaceful with life at that point, if they brought up their religious views).

 

For the most part, I ignore it. I know that a bunch of my husband's family and my friends are praying for me, and I respect it as a sort of "having me on their mind", "mentally caring", if you wish, and I even sometimes think that accumulated positive energy cannot possibly harm. I do prefer they spare me the information that they pray for me, or that God this and that, and sometimes I still get annoyed if it pops up somehow, but I try to elegantly ignore it.

 

Situations of enormous "emotional charge", especially negative or anxious, however, are not situations in which any of us thinks a lot about how we will come across and even simplest of things, even when genuine, can be a trigger. I don't think anyone should judge you or anyone else who in such a situation crossed some limits with how they replied. People will understand it, and realize they might have triggered something, as they've all been in a situation that something somebody said with good intentions was a trigger for somebody unaccustomed on that mode of talking and perspective.

 

I do understand that those people usually have good intentions and/or the need to say something they hope will uplift you, and I also fully understand, firsthand, why it comes across as not comforting at all and even worsening how you feel for people who don't share in their belief.

 

I'm sorry for everything you're going through. Best wishes. :grouphug:

[duckens]

There are no words.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[mommaduck]

I am an atheist, and I am terribly sorry you are going through this. :grouphug:

 

Religious folks have no idea how much worse they are making your situation with their platitudes. I would have no problem telling them so. You can simply say that you don't want to hear religious talk of any kind because you do not share their faith.

 

That does beg the question of what do you feel WOULD help you? This is easier said than done, I know. However, since HCPs are supposed to help you, it would be easier on you if you are able to articulate what kind of support you do need and want, and then let them know in clear terms.

As a person of faith, I would say that Audrey hit it right on the head. If I had crossed the line, even with the best of intentions, saying this would let me know that you have that boundary there and that you don't need/want it crossed. I would respect that.

 

I am sorry to hear you are going through all of this :(

[Brindee]

There are no words.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

:iagree:

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Mejane]

Carrie, I understand what you're saying. When my mom died, some believers were very sensitive, but some were so in my face, it was all I could do to not punch them. I'll keep a good thought for you.

[Lolosoli]

(((HUGS)))

 

I don't have any advice...but, my fingers are crossed for you and your little one and your family!!!!!!!

[MariannNOVA]

I am an atheist, and I am terribly sorry you are going through this. :grouphug:

 

Religious folks have no idea how much worse they are making your situation with their platitudes. I would have no problem telling them so. You can simply say that you don't want to hear religious talk of any kind because you do not share their faith.

 

That does beg the question of what do you feel WOULD help you? This is easier said than done, I know. However, since HCPs are supposed to help you, it would be easier on you if you are able to articulate what kind of support you do need and want, and then let them know in clear terms.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this - I went through a similar experience approx 13 years ago.

 

I'm not an atheist. I do think that Audrey's suggestion is an excellent one. There have been times when I have not wanted to hear 'religious talk' and I have plainly told foks that.

[Denisemomof4]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Just Robyn]

I am an atheist but have never had such an experience. I've never had a HCP mix religion with their job. I can only imagine I would scowl and say only medically necessary words until they left my presence. I'm sure it would come off as very rude, but not as rude as what would come out of my mouth if I opened it. If my husband were constantly with me I would make him do all the talking since he is so much better at being polite. :grouphug::grouphug:to you.

[kathkath]

I'm so sorry you're walking this path. Painful, gut-wrenching choices.

 

Again, not an atheist, but I want to reassure you that people mean well, even though they don't come across well.

 

Lovingly, Tricia

 

Yes. I'm so very sorry you're going through this. Having been through a very difficult situation in the past, it's amazing what people will say. They mean well and want to say something to help you--so even if saying "this isn't helpful" is too hard, you can always, privately in your head, go, "la la la la la la la I can't hear what you're saying la la la la." Hang in there. I will be thinking about you.

[GWOB]

Excellent advice, but I would lean towards having an advocate speak for you if you're feeling really tense. When I miscarried, my big "outburst" to an overtly religious nurse was to tell her to go f--- herself and the god she rode in on. Not exactly my best moment. :001_unsure:

 

I am a Christian and I almost said that exact same thing to people trying to "comfort" me during my miscarriages.

 

Carrie,:grouphug:. This sucks. It just sucks. Period. People will continually put their feet in their mouths for a while. They will say the dumbest things ever. You will want to punch some of them. Hard. Especially the uber-religious ones. Go crawl under that rock and let the crazies pass by. You need time to process this info without all the added stupidity.

[Rosie_0801]

:grouphug:

 

Rosie

[secular_mom]

it took eight years of me going to the same pediatrician, who did talk about god in front of me, and me finally getting a visible tattoo with significance in my religion, before we came to an understanding that we don't share the same faith. :001_smile:

 

Tara

 

If you don't want to tell them out loud that you don't share their beliefs, maybe bring a book, wear a t-shirt, make a button to wear, or something like that, that would make your point for you.

 

I haven't been in your situation, I can't imagine the pain. I think insulating yourself at least while you are waiting can be a good thing. You could try writing down your REAL feelings about the religious comments, and then ripping up the paper or burning it to 'let it go'. You could try writing down a tame version of your thoughts to share with the midwife who's driving you batty.