So how old do you think a child has to be before you can leave them in a bookstore...

[melissel]

Or some other generally safe place (the library, a fast food restaurant)? If a responsible 11- and 8-year-old (together) are not old enough, what is the appropriate age? How old would a responsible child have to be for you to leave them home alone for little while? (DH and I have been discussing this last one--he thinks DD7 is mature enough, I say not yet.)

[elegantlion]

My ds is 12 and the only place we've left him so far has been a card/gaming store where he was watching a tournament. He has his own phone and the owner knows him well. Of course my ds doesn't like to be alone in a section of the store, he'd rather follow us around.

 

I think 7 is too young for him to be in one store and you another. IMO some markers I would look for would be:

 

1. Does he have a phone so he can call when necessary? If he doesn't have a phone, does he know your phone number. Seriously, I forget phone numbers now with speed dial, My dh is 2, ds is 3, kwim.

2. Is he articulate enough to tell employees he is fine on his own?

3. Is he safety conscious enough to follow your safety guidelines?

4. Does he know where the bathrooms are and what your guidelines are for using, as in don't go in without a parent. Seriously, I remember some of my biggest fears in a store being if I knew where the bathroom was located?

5. Does he get anxious in the unknown?

6. Is he mature enough to follow your rules, like don't leave this section, don't leave this store?

[Willow]

So much depends on the kid and the location. I live in New Zealand, I feel differently about this than someone in, say, New York.

 

I think 7 is too young however.

 

Basically can they cope in a crisis? If the restaurant or library has a fire alarm, and all are evacuated, do they know what to do? What if a man comes over to talk to them? Do they know what to do?

 

Also 2 or more together are MUCH safer than one alone for soooo many reasons.

 

Also what are the truancy laws in your area? Can they be removed to a place of safety if assumed to be truanting?

 

Once mine were 11 or so they pretty much went anywhere, but I preferred them not to be alone. I would leave a 9 year old in the library for a short time, alone. BUT I live in a very low crime area.

[dragons in the flower bed]

A responsible child in a familiar place with a cell phone? Eight. I'd worry about well-meaning strangers harassing him about where his parents are, and maybe calling the police, but I'd still do it.

[justamouse]

I would leave my 11 yo and his 8 year old sisters, no problem. They would go up and down the aisles reading books. I never have a problem with them in any store.

 

After we do it a few times I plan on letting them go to the library by themselves, and cross a street to do it. I would also leave my 8yos with a cell phone in a familiar store if I was not far away. I grew up that way. Nana left me to go out and didn't expect me back until lunch, then I went back out again till dinner. And she even napped while I was out playing. As young as six.

Edited May 17, 2010 by justamouse

[Lolly]

For my kids- Home alone for a short while: 8. In a bookstore: 8ish (not ds though/9 or 10 for him)

[....]

Public place? I'm gonna say early teens...but my kids aren't that old yet, so I'm not sure.

 

The home alone thing...you have to check your county and state laws because I have heard some places are 12. Before aged 12, you can be charged with a crime for leaving them home alone.

 

However...when I was 8, I was staying home alone ALL day during the summer. :D I was perfectly fine and I actually was babysitting for money at that age also. I made $1 an hour. Isn't that awful? :lol:

 

Where we are from in MO, there are home alone classes that kids can take at age 8 or 9. They go over the "what to do" scenarios and rules for staying home alone. I would google your county and state first, to make sure there is no set age limit.

 

On a funny note, my husband and I were watching this really old Western. The dad saddled up his horse and told his two kids (who were about 7 and 3) that he was riding across the state and he would be back in a couple of weeks. :lol: I guess that was OK back then. LOL!!

 

"Kids. Your father and I are going to Hawaii. We will be back in a couple of weeks. Don't forget to change the baby's diaper." :auto:

 

Just kidding. :tongue_smilie:

[Julie in CA]

I would leave my 14yo in Barnes & Noble for a short time, but not my 12yo.

I would leave any of my boys alone in the house, but I would only leave my girls (14 & 12) if they were together.

I will leave the kids overnight at home, but only if the 19yo is home to supervise.

I'm not knocking those who do otherwise, though I can't really imagine leaving a kid under about age 12 alone, either in a store or at home alone.

[....]

A responsible child in a familiar place with a cell phone? Eight. I'd worry about well-meaning strangers harassing him about where his parents are, and maybe calling the police, but I'd still do it.

 

Yeah, I have heard stories here in TX about kids being harrassed during the day by truancy officers.

[RoughCollie]

I take into consideration what many store clerks and librarians have told me: They do not want to be the responsible adult in the area when children are left by their parents, no matter how mature a child is. Being a babysitter is not in their job description. I understand their point of view.

 

I would never even consider leaving one of my children alone in a public place when they were 7 years old.

 

I would leave my kids alone in a safe, public place at age 12, if I were nearby and we had cell phones with us, and if the location did not have rules posted otherwise. For example, our athletic club in Mass did not allow kids to be left alone there who were below age 16.

Edited May 17, 2010 by RoughCollie
I am an expert at making a short story long & I am saving you from that.

[Michelle My Bell]

My kids are responsible. So it is not a question of how they would act, it is about the city that I live in. I don't leave them anywhere other than at home alone. Including my 15 year old daughter.

 

Now when we have gone to safer places over the years, the rules have been different. It is a matter of taking good care of them because I love them so much. I see no reason why "I" can't be there with them.

 

Michelle

[melissel]

"Kids. Your father and I are going to Hawaii. We will be back in a couple of weeks. Don't forget to change the baby's diaper." :auto:

 

:lol::lol::lol: If only!!!

 

I know my DD7 is mature enough to stay home while I run out for the 10 minutes to get her sister from preschool, and yet I still couldn't do it. You're right, though. I was a latchkey kid from age 7 on (had to cross major train tracks to get to and from school, too), ran to the corner store all the time alone, walked a 1/2 mile to the library and spent hours upon hours there from the same age onward, etc.

[Jean in Newcastle]

10 or 11.

[Country Mouse]

I saw a notice on the door of the local public library today that stated that children under 11 were not to be left there alone. I guess they expect/accept that kids 11 and up may be there without parents.

 

Personally, I'm not sure at what age I will feel comfortable leaving ds. He is very impulsive and not very responsible. :blushing:

[Sandra in FL]

worried about them letting strangers in - more about them getting into an argument. But that's rare - the electronics (DS lite, TV, Wii) have them more than entertained.

 

They recently have been allowed to walk 2 blocks over to their grandmother's house by themselves with a cel phone and a stick (in case of dogs). They have to call when they get there and also when they leave. They love the freedom, but my neighborhood is pretty safe.

 

The 11 year old (but not the 8 yr old) is left at the library or at soccer with a cel phone.

[Mynyel]

Honestly I have no earthly clue. I have a 12 and 8 year old (not including the 2 yo because I would always take him with me). I couldn't leave them alone anywhere...and they really don't like to be.

 

I am way to jaded to think they are safe for even a minute if I was to leave them alone in a bookstore or anywhere else for that matter. (now that isn't to say other parents can't or won't I just can't myself)

 

I, perhaps, watch the news to much to think they are safe. I have left my 12yo alone at home when we have gone to the store I think 3 times and I leave a cell phone with her (no land line) and I text her frequently.

 

I am just soooo paranoid!

[SonshineLearner]

With an 11 yr old, an obedient 8 yr old is old enough I think.... :) (With directions.... Don't leave with anyone but me... if you need help, go to the cashier.... and a phone...)

[simka2]

I have a 9yr old. The closest she has gotten to being alone is being allowed to remain in the childrens section of a bookstore, while I go to another. :)

[Tap]

Not before 11-12 in a community place. I would want them to be old enough to have an internal sense that something isn't right with a situation and the confidence to get themselves out of 'simple dangers'. By that I mean, if someone other than a child-starts a conversation, they leave the area; if they notice someone watching them, they leave or move into a group of people; that if confronted by a store personnel about who they are shopping with, they can respond appropriately and confidently.

 

I do think that 7-8 is too young, 9-10 would be very iffy. I live in a biggish city, so that probably has something to do with my judgement.

 

If it was a small town, and I was leaving them in a bookstore where people knew my child, I may consider a younger age, but not in the city we live in.

[MomLovesClassics]

It depends on the maturity of the child, some could be ready while others are not. I think it is good to trust children with responsibility when they are able to handle it.

[Pretty in Pink]

Alone in the bookstore with a cell phone with me right next door? Probably twelve. I wouldn't leave a younger sibling in his care. I don't think it's a fair responsibility to place on my twelve year old.

[Susan in KY]

I saw a notice on the door of the local public library today that stated that children under 11 were not to be left there alone. I guess they expect/accept that kids 11 and up may be there without parents.

 

Boy. One of our local libraries has children dropped off and left there to hang out all afternoon (after school) and evening. The neighborhood is home to a lot of migrant workers. I don't know what they would do without the library! I once saw a very young girl sitting outside the library doors waiting for it to open, holding her soft toy in her hand. She looked so little and vulnerable, I felt badly for her.

[TravelingChris]

I follow the rules of the place we live in at the time. My youngest is now 13 and there are no more restrictions beyond what I feel comfortable with. The restrictions for her are not anything I don't do with even the older one. SHe can't be left overnight and dd16 can but we have no need to do so. Here are Fairfax County, VA rules7 years & under: Should not be left alone for any period of time. This may include leaving children unattended in cars,playgrounds, and backyards. The determining consideration would be the dangers in the environment and the ability of the caretaker to intervene. 8 to 10 years: Should not be left alone for more than 1½ hours and only during daylight and early evening hours. 11 to 12 years: May be left alone for up to 3 hours but not late at night or in circumstances requiring inappropriate responsibility. 13 to 15 years: May be left unsupervised, but not overnight. 16 to 17 years: May be left unsupervised. In some cases, for up to two consecutive overnight periods.

[HRAAB]

Our library has signs all over saying to not leave unattended children, but they don't specify what age that is. My 12 yr. old. (almost 13) dd has been left alone with her younger sisters for a couple years now. I've never left her alone in a store of any kind; not that I don't think she is responsible enough - she is - just that it hasn't occurred. However, now I would worry about it. As I think about it, she looks older than 12 and could probably pass for 14. That might make a difference if someone were thinking of calling the police.

[OnTheBrink]

It depends.

 

In my state, 14 is the legal age to leave a child unattended at home, so we still have a few more years before dd will be allowed to stay home alone.

 

As for public places, I'll let dd go into a smaller store, like Walgreens, alone to buy a soda, if I were sitting outside in the car, but never someplace like Walmart, or a B&N. It has nothing to do with how she'd behave; I don't trust anyone else. Safety in numbers is a myth.

 

I have been teaching her that when she does go into a store to get something, that she walk tall and confidently, look up (as opposed to down at the ground) and go purposefully to where the item is she wants, get it, and walk to the cash register. I read somewhere that if you appear confident and sure, you won't be a target.

 

As for the other thread, had I been the B&N employee, I'd not have called the cops, but I'd have been irritated that the children were left alone. I would have felt personally responsible for them and would have felt that I was now in the role of babysitting without having been asked to do so. I'm not saying that's what the OP was presenting, but that's how I would have felt. I also would have kept an eye on them, for their safety.

[Laurie4b]

We began to leave 3 out of 4 of ours home alone for short periods of time when they were 9 years old. (The other one, we didn't leave until he was 11. He was less mature.) I think in most places, 7 would be too young. 8 is the bare minimum in our state because of the fire code. That said, children of immigrants are left alone at younger ages more frequently because of cultural differences; they are also given more responsibility at younger ages than typical US kids. You have to take into account the laws where you live. I'll bet 7 is too young.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Where does one find the regulations for their state? I'm not sure what to even google...

 

I was babysitting at age 12 or 13. I have no idea what age I'll feel comfortable leaving my kids in a 'safe' public place or at home, but I can't imagine it being past 13. Guess it'll depend on how responsible my boys are. FWIW, I see kids that young (or younger) riding their bikes all over town or walking home from school.

[*********]

Honestly I have no earthly clue. I have a 12 and 8 year old (not including the 2 yo because I would always take him with me). I couldn't leave them alone anywhere...and they really don't like to be.

 

I am way to jaded to think they are safe for even a minute if I was to leave them alone in a bookstore or anywhere else for that matter. (now that isn't to say other parents can't or won't I just can't myself)

 

I, perhaps, watch the news to much to think they are safe. I have left my 12yo alone at home when we have gone to the store I think 3 times and I leave a cell phone with her (no land line) and I text her frequently.

 

I am just soooo paranoid!

 

This is me.

 

I've only recently become comfortable with letting dsd15, dss13, and ds7 stay at home by themselves, with dsd15 'in charge' of the boys. (We don't live the littlest boy with her 'cause he can be too much of a handful; and, ok, I'm just not ready to, LOL).

 

It has nothing to do with dsd; she's a wonderful, mature, loving big sister, she'll be 16 very soon, she's great with the boys. She babysits other children frequently. It's just because of my OWN baggage/issues. I'm just not thrilled about leaving the boys. Period. And, I was forced to be the primary babysitter of my little sister from the time she was born when I was 12. If I wasn't in school, I was watching her. Even all summer long, all day long. It was too much responsibility.

 

So, I'm not a good person to answer your question. :tongue_smilie:

[iquilt]

I believe here they must be at least 12 to be home alone, and I think the library extends the rules to their premises as well. The last time we went to the library there was a 3 year old wandering the library alone and the librarians had to find a spot for him to be safe while they searched for a responsible adult. They spend a lot of time trying to find adults for young children left alone. Personally, we allow our oldest to go to other parts of the libary, bookstore, grocery store by herself to practice what we teach about strangers and doing as she says she is going to do. I think she'll have to be at least 12 before I will leave her at the library alone.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Where does one find the regulations for their state? I'm not sure what to even google...

 

I was babysitting at age 12 or 13. I have no idea what age I'll feel comfortable leaving my kids in a 'safe' public place or at home, but I can't imagine it being past 13. Guess it'll depend on how responsible my boys are. FWIW, I see kids that young (or younger) riding their bikes all over town or walking home from school.

 

Ah, I found it. In our city:

 

"A person having custody or control of a child under 10 years of age commits the crime of child neglect in the second degree if, with criminal negligence, the person leaves the child unattended in or at any place for such period of time as maybe likely to endanger the health or welfare of such child."

 

(So, apparently, someone in authority gets to decide whether the child's health or welfare was endangered.....)

 

There is no law regarding a required age for babysitting, but 12 or older seems to be recommended.

[Shelly in the Country]

My oldest child is 10 and I can't imagine leaving her alone in a store or at home. I was left alone to fend for myself at a fairly young age and I hated it, so this may affect my opinion some. I found out through the previous B&N thread that my state sets the minimum age at 14 and that sounds about right to me.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

It would really depend on the place and the maturity of the kids. For my 11 yr. old goddaughter, I would say I could safely leave her in a bookstore or library for a short while. I would probably say 10-12 for my boys if they are mature enough and responsible when they get to be that age. I was babysitting for a family with 4 children when I was 12, but I was also the oldest of five kids.

[littlebug42]

To be home alone, I think 12 or 13 but not with a younger sibling also. As for the store, I will have to revisit that but I am thinking at least 13 but again not with the care of a younger sibling.

[TravelingChris]

I have a hard time believing that you have to be a high schooler to be left alone at home in IL. That is an outrageously old age to me. As I previiously posted, something like the VA rule seems to be reasonable. 8- 10, up to l.5 hours at home alone. So yes, a quick run to pick up another child is fine. 11-12, up to 3 hours alone but not late at night. Over 12 and up to 15- any amount but not overnight. 16 and 17, up to two overnights. It all depends on the child, the safety of your area, and the law i your state or locality. The IL law is so far removed from reality that it is a nuisance law. I lived in Chicago for 6 years and I did not see 13 year olds continually being supervised nor did the parents I worked with put their middle schoolers into daycare. One easy way to figure out supervision rules is to see when daycare stops. In Florida, it stopped with age 10. Here it stops with 12. I have a 13 yo that I have no issues at all with her staying home. SHe is old enough to babysit.

[Ravin]

Let's see...DD has stayed home alone for short periods (up to 2 hours). I set an appropriate phone number on the redial on the phone so she can call if she needs. She can also call Phone Friend if she's home alone (or home with me and I'm sleeping because I work nights), if she's just bored and wants someone to talk to.

 

At 6.5, she will do things like go a couple of aisles over at the grocery store or wal-mart to grab an item for me, and last time we were shopping she checked items at the self check while I went over to a speedy to purchase our ad-match items (because it's a PITA for the cashier to do ad-matches at the self-checks but DD LOVES that self-scheck machine!). Last time we were at the library she went downstairs to the children's library to return an item that had to go directly there (Hooked on Phonics, they inventory it on the spot so it can't go in the book drop), while I stood in line at the upstairs circulation desk to get us a museum pass. We've probably been in that library an average of once a week since she was an infant, she's very comfortable there and knows her way around, and the librarians recognize her.

 

DD also roves our neighborhood on her bike or scooter, going as far away as the last block before the major road. Our neighborhood is a sort of pocket, with no thru traffic, so the kids can free range pretty easily. She's allowed to go inside at several friends' houses, as long as she lets me know ahead of time.

 

My stepsons would walk to the bus stop at 11 and 9 to meet their mom when she was coming home from work. Now at 13 and 11 they'll walk to the nearby grocery store (near the bus stop but across a large intersection) or even take the bus to their mom's work (A fairly long trip involving 2 different buses, but on a very familiar route they've taken with their mom plenty of times). They usually go such places together, rather than alone, and the 13 yo. has had a cell phone since he was 10. (The 11 yo. just recently got one). They're responsible kids and have also (singly b/c often one will go with their mom to work) watched DD at home for short periods (not often, because they live with their dad most of the time and on visits here the focus is on them getting a chance to spend time with their mom).

 

I can't say what I will and won't let DD do as she gets older. It will depend upon her maturity level, how responsible she is, and her desire for indepenence. For example, I don't go out and leave her in the evening to go to an SCA meeting unless she wants me to. She can come with if I absolutely have to be there, and if not I can stay home. She may not get a choice in the matter if it's because of work (one evening last week I had to leave for work before DH, DW#2, or BIL got home), but usually when that situation arises she's already tucked into bed and is too tired to care.

 

FWIW, we periodically review safety rules like what to do if a strange adult tries to talk you into their car or house, not to go into adults' houses period or anyone's house unless she's let me know where she is first, fire safety, calling 9-1-1, basic first aid (i.e., when to get yourself a bandaid, when to get a grownup, and when to call 9-1-1), etc. She can use the toaster, is learning how to use the microwave (major obstacle there is that it's above the stove so she has to get up on a stepstool to reach it), what boundaries she is to stay within on her bike, etc. We're also working on her navigation skills by going places together but me leaving it up to HER to find our way (places like the grocery store at the end of the street, DH's work, the park).

[FaithManor]

Our state does not have a law and this is true in some other states as well. There are social worker guidelines but a parent can not be charged based on the guidelines. There must be some other mitigating factor if a child under the age of the guideline is left alone and the parent gets in trouble.

 

6th grade is the typical age that kids in our area begin babysitting. DD began when she was eleven since she didn't turn twelve until the end of 6th grade. She was great at it and we have not heard of any case in which a parent was charged with neglect or abandonment for leaving their children with an eleven year old babysitter. That said, I do know of stores that post signs saying "no child under 7" can be left with another child under 12. So, I would consider this to be a store policy and obey it.

 

DS was 12 before we let him stay home with his brothers. He needed another year of maturity. They are fine home alone now and ds is okay in a store although I wouldn't leave him and go to a different store. We have issues with many local proprietors being "snoopy" shall we say. They just love to "grill" homeschool kids. I even had this happen in my presence at a quilt store. The woman at the cutting counter started shouting out multiplication problems to "see if you really do teach your kids." I told the kids not to respond and asked her if she grills the publicly schooled kids in the same manner to see if they are being taught as well. She didn't like my retort. The owner said that it was her and her employees' jobs as responsibile members of the community to address why a school age child would be in their store during school hours. I gave them a piece of my mind and left. I've never been back. This has been my only bad experience with homeschooling and store employees but it left me thinking "is ds ready to deal with that kind of pressure on his own?"

 

By the time he turns 14 (he's thirteen now), I hope that he'll be ready to answer such an ignoramous and not have stress about it. Ds 11.5 would just SPEAK HIS MIND and tell them off while his dimples flexed and his sparkly eyes flashed. He's the kid that is just soooooo hard to take seriously when he's mad because he is just too cute! But, he would hold his own. Ds 10 would refuse to talk. The only response would be "You are a stranger to me." I would hate to be the police officer who flagged him down. He's the original Mr. Spock from Star Trek....he'd say, "I'd like to see your badge up close. It might be a fake."

 

Unfortunately our closest decent shopping is in a small city that is just the pits for violent crime and last year there were two women, in two separate incidents, kidnapped in broad daylight near there. In both cases, they were set free as soon as they got cash from their ATM's for the scum. But, knowing that....I would probably not leave the store, but I would let them be in one side while I was in the other if the store were not huge.

 

The interesting thing about this discussion is that more pre-teens and teens have money to spend than any previous generation and their parents are busier. So if they can't be allowed to shop alone, the store is, to some degree, biting off its nose to spite its face.

 

As I said in a previous post, my dad used to, at age nine, get up at sunrise, pack a sandwich, an apple, two turnovers or corn fritters, and a canteen and take off for the woods with only a whittling knife for protection. He'd be gone until dusk (he was required to be home before dark or there was going to be trip to the wood-shed involved if his excuse was not really good). This did not inspire terror in his parents or the neighbors. There was no community man-hunt...no visit from the social worker, no trips to the counselor. His friends did this as well. It was a normal summer time pursuit. I think our society has reacted as a pendulum and swung too far in the opposite direction.

 

Faith

[Mergath]

I don't have any experience with this as a mother, but when I was eleven- this was in the mid-nineties- my 7 year old brother and I would bike five miles into town and spend the day going to stores, the library, the beach, wherever. Once you hit ten where I lived, you were pretty much free to roam. Assuming my dd is reasonably mature at that age, I'd have no problem leaving her in a bookstore for an hour or two, and I think someone that age is perfectly capable of watching a 7 or 8 year old.

[Daisy]

I just can't really imagine why I would need to leave my kids (aged 8-12) alone in a store? :confused:

 

My daughter is nearly 11 and I'll leave her in the children's department of the bookstore while I go look at history books, but she knows right where I'll be.

 

I wouldn't leave my children alone in the library because I can't stand parents who do that. I think it is rude to the librarian who is constantly having to tell children to behave. That said, I wouldn't have a problem with it from a safety stand point. Those librarians know my children almost as well as I do.

 

We like to go places as a family so I can't really see when I'd need to do this.

 

Even at home, I've given my children the option of staying at home while I run down to the store which is a mile away, and they prefer to come with me.

[PinkInTheBlue]

Public place: I'd say early teens with a cell phone. I wouldn't leave a child younger than 10 with said child.

 

At home varies so drastically on a per child basis that it would be impossible to give an age. I would say it would be an extraordinary child to be left alone for more than 30min for younger than 10 (that's just me).

[m4given]

I take into consideration what many store clerks and librarians have told me: They do not want to be the responsible adult in the area when children are left by their parents, no matter how mature a child is. Being a babysitter is not in their job description. I understand their point of view.

 

 

 

 

:iagree:

[Quiver0f10]

In a public place I'd say 13 but I would not leave a younger child in their care.

[mammaruss]

I think it depends on the child, his/her maturity, the accessibility of the parent, the location of the bookstore, etc.....

My youngest ds is very mature, responsible, will stand his ground, knows how to use his cell, and is cautious. If it was a small town bookstore--I would allow him to go in there and hang out--but with me only a couple stores away. He knows the owner and employees of the bookstore. If I were to go 45 min away to a B & N--I would not be so willing to leave him. I would be fine leaving him to go to a different section of the store.

For some reason--I have no problems with him when we head to "the cities" for a sport show. We have 2 major sport shows that we work at yearly and he has grown up going to these since he was a few months old. The last couple years -he has been allowed to walk around our section of the sport show. He is not allowed to go to a different section of the building, downstairs or outside. He is a social butterfly and he knows almost every vendor and the security guards at every door. He does carry his cell phone on him and he is required to call us about every 10 minutes--which he normally just stops back at our booth to give us the latest news.:D If anyone were to give him strange vibes, he knows to call us asap and head back to us escorted by the nearest vendor or security guard. Btw, he is NOT allowed to use public restroom at these events by himself.

We will be attending an expo soon and he will be the one doing the dog demos for the public. This will be our first time at this expo and he will not have the freedom that he does at our other shows...

I would not trust him at these functions with a friend--when he is with a friend he tends to forget about safety and its all about having fun--he is not as aware of his surroundings.

[NanceXToo]

Hmm I really don't know! I will say that my 9 1/2 year old would not be left alone in a public place anytime in the foreseeable future, I would not feel comfortable with that at all. She's never even been left alone at home for more than ten minutes tops, if that, either, and that's only if I'm running to my brother's house 3 houses away or once in a while to quick pick up a pizza at a shop like two blocks away and coming right back home (knowing that the aforementioned brother is just three houses away if there were any problems in the 5 or 10 minutes I was gone).

[angela in ohio]

The library would be different to me than a place of business. At the library, I will leave them at 13 or 14 yo, but not with any younger siblings. That is within the library's policy.

 

At a store, I will let my dc run in and buy things or go to another area to grab things in pairs as long as the oldest is 12 yo or so. I don't think I'd leave them hanging out in a store, though, as I don't believe it is the employees job to supervise them.

 

I did leave my 14 yo and 12 yo with 8 yo, plus a 6 yo niece, in Bob Evans recently to finish their lunch, as my baby niece started screaming her head off and I had to take her to the van. :001_smile: They are all extremely well-behaved, it wasn't for more than 20 minutes or so, I tipped well, and they were buying something (food,) so I was okay with it.

 

As someone else said, leaving them alone isn't a need I usually have, as we like to do things together.

 

We started leaving our dc home along together when oldest was 13 yo. We don't leave her alone without younger dd. I do it to go to doctor's appointments, and dh and I go out ona date every other week or so on a weeknight.

[lauranc]

Or some other generally safe place (the library, a fast food restaurant)? If a responsible 11- and 8-year-old (together) are not old enough, what is the appropriate age? How old would a responsible child have to be for you to leave them home alone for little while? (DH and I have been discussing this last one--he thinks DD7 is mature enough, I say not yet.)

 

Honestly, I would only now feel comfortable leaving my 15 yr old in a bookstore alone. I feel 11 and 8 are too young to be left alone in a store; not only for their own safety, but I wouldn't want anyone to feel they have to 'look after' my kids (just thinking about what someone working in a store might possibly feel).

 

I've been leaving my 15 yr old alone at home for about a year or so---

 

..Laura

[Elisabeth in IL]

Our library has a rule that any child under 10 needs to be supervised by an adult. I started leaving my boys home alone (10 minutes when dropping my other son off at speech therapy) at age 8. I was very nervous about it though. I feel totally comfortable leaving them home alone for a couple of hours now. They are 12 and 10. The 5 year old stays with them but never alone. ;)

[melissel]

This thread has been so interesting. My overwhelming feeling after the "helicopter parent" threads we've had in the past is that this board leaned much more toward the free-range parenting side than to the "better safe than sorry" side. I remember feeling so defensive after those threads, like I was some kind of freak for feeling like my kids didn't need to be left unsupervised at young ages. I'll have to revisit them and see if I can look at them with a new lens!

[Jean in Newcastle]

My 12 year old can go down to our grocery store and make a purchase. He takes a walkie-talkie with him. He talks to me while he passes another pedestrian on the street (not too often in our suburban area).

 

My 8 year old will take 1/2 of my list and do my grocery shopping for me. I will be usually in another part of the store doing the other 1/2. But I would feel totally comfortable going next door to the drugstore for a minute. I did give the deli counter clerk a piece of my mind when she refused to serve my daughter and cut cheese and lunchmeat for her. I told her that if we asked for the lunchmeat and then refused to pay for it then they would have a case, but not until then. Now they do it with no trouble.

 

I left my 12 year old in the library not too long ago. But it was a special situation. He was in the midst of a research project with our reference librarian. They still had at least an hour's worth of research to do and I had a chiropractor appointment 10 min. away. I asked her if it was ok and she said yes, since she'd be working with him one-on-one anyway. I did take my 8 year old though so that she wouldn't feel responsible for her.

 

Both my kids will go down to the park 1 block away and will set up a zucchini bread stand to sell their wares. Again they have the walkie-talkie with them.

 

My kids have walked to and from a farther park (about 1 mile away) together.

 

My ds12 was stopped once when he had to go out of the mall to get some medicine for me out of the car. A store employee stopped him and asked him if he was lost, he simply said "no" and finished his task.

[Wendi]

Some kids are probably mature enough at 10yo, and most would be at 12yo. (In my estimation.) My ds is 13yo, but has special needs and doesn't always use good judgment. I just left him at Gamestop for about 10 minutes today while I went to mail a package in the same shopping center. It's a small store, he had a bunch of games he wanted to look at, and I knew I wouldn't be long. I wouldn't leave him in a big store or mall. However, when I was his age, my mom routinely dropped me off at the mall with my best friend. We shopped, then went to the movie theatre to watch a matinee (they were $1.50 then!), and my mom or hers would pick us up when the movie was over. We were very mature and responsible, and never got into any trouble at all. I would not do the same with my ds, not yet anyway.

 

Wendi

[Haiku]

To leave home alone, I'd say 10-ish, depending on the child and how long I would be gone (and how close by I was). My oldest (15) wasn't ready to be home alone at 10. We didn't start leaving her home alone until she was 13. I doubt my youngest will be ready at 10, either. I could probably leave my current eight year old home alone for brief periods, but I don't.

 

In a store or other public place, I would say that 11 and 8 is probably good as long as they get along well. If it were one child alone, I would say 12-ish.

 

Tara