s/o -- kids eating at others' houses

[Jenny in GA]

In light of the very enjoyable thread about the dinner guest who announced, "I only eat fish, and I prefer Chilean Sea Bass" ...

 

How do you kids manage when they have to eat somewhere else?

 

I once had my daughter's friend come over, and stay long enough to have dinner with us. The mother had told me, "She a picky eater; just give her PBJ and she'll be happy." So I offered her what we were eating (which she passed on) and I also made her a PBJ.

 

She was upset because the sandwich was made with an end slice of bread, and she didn't eat crusts. I went to get a fresh loaf of bread out of the fridge, and she didn't want that either because it was "too cold."

 

How picky are your kids?

Do you think picky eaters are born or made? What have you done to keep your kids from being too picky?

Do you give your kids certain "instructions" on what to do if they are a guest and are served food that they don't care for?

Does it bug you when kids over the age of six are at your house for dinner and they don't touch a thing but the bread?

Do you think a lot of kids are too catered to food-wise these days, and if so, why?

 

I'm not talking about food allergies, or even "I'm a vegetarian." I'm talking about "I don't like tomato sauce," or "I don't eat vegetables" or "I need you to pick the nuts off that because I don't like them."

 

Jenny

[littlebug42]

My children can be picky. They have been taught that when they are offered things they may not like they are to say, "No thank you", take what they will eat and leave it at that. However, they don't eat anywhere except the homes of family otherwise, I am with them. If we are going to a friend's for a more casual dinner and I don't think there will be anything for them, I feed them before we leave. The manners part comes in when they are places like Bible school and offered a snack etc. Personally, I would be mortified if I knew my child behaved that way when at someone else's home because I was just taught as a guest that you have no say and if you don't like it, you say "No thank you" and eat at home later if necessary.

[Snickerdoodle]

It doesn't bother me on one hand because I know that kids get used to the way they normally eat. Mom always cooks best (even if it's the worst SAD possible).

 

 

On the other hand, eat what I cook, or go home hungry. Sorry. I slave in the kitchen for home cooked meals that are allergen free (for my kids). I serve pretty kid friendly but healthy food.

[Ellie]

In light of the very enjoyable thread about the dinner guest who announced, "I only eat fish, and I prefer Chilean Sea Bass" ...

 

How do you kids manage when they have to eat somewhere else?

 

I once had my daughter's friend come over, and stay long enough to have dinner with us. The mother had told me, "She a picky eater; just give her PBJ and she'll be happy." So I offered her what we were eating (which she passed on) and I also made her a PBJ.

 

She was upset because the sandwich was made with an end slice of bread, and she didn't eat crusts. I went to get a fresh loaf of bread out of the fridge, and she didn't want that either because it was "too cold."

Oh please.

 

How picky are your kids?

Not at all. Mr. Ellie was, but the Air Force cured him of that, lol.

Do you think picky eaters are born or made?

I once would have said that they are made, but now that I've been hanging out here for so long and realize that there are many issues children have no control over that might cause them to be picky--IOW, they were born that way.

 

What have you done to keep your kids from being too picky?

I didn't make them clean their plates. I put food on the plates--small, child-size portions--and if they eat it all, fine; if not, fine. I don't bribe with dessert (rarely any dessert, anyway). I tried to pay attention to foods dds might not care for (older dd couldn't tolerate potatoes in any form for many years), and didn't prepare/serve that very often, and if I did, dds weren't required to eat it...but I didn't prepare something different for them. What was on the table was what there was to eat.

Do you give your kids certain "instructions" on what to do if they are a guest and are served food that they don't care for?

"You eat what is put in front of you. If you don't like it, play with it, and eat the things you do like [Miss Manners' advice]. If you don't like it, don't say anything at all. Thank the hostess when you're finished and ask to be excused."

Does it bug you when kids over the age of six are at your house for dinner and they don't touch a thing but the bread?

No. It's their problem.

Do you think a lot of kids are too catered to food-wise these days, and if so, why?

Some are. A good friend was not invited back to my house because her ds was so incredibly picky. Argh. I don't know why people cater to their dc so much.

 

I'm not talking about food allergies, or even "I'm a vegetarian." I'm talking about "I don't like tomato sauce," or "I don't eat vegetables" or "I need you to pick the nuts off that because I don't like them."

"I need you to pick the nuts off because I don't like them"? Yeah, like that's gonna happen.:tongue_smilie:

[Ravin]

Mine tries to be picky. I think how picky kids are has partly to do with how parents handle it, and also a good deal to do with inborne personality. I usually deal with DD's pickyness by indulging it only when said indulgence is reasonable. If I cook dinner for the family, I'm not making a second meal just for her, but if we're scrounging in the fridge for lunch, I usually give her what she's in the mood for out of what's available. If she's going to be picky about the bread heel, she knows she'd better say something BEFORE I've spread anything on the bread. Dinner often results in a temper tantrum, then she'll calm down and actually eat what she's been served and, more often than not, declare how much she likes it. Times she doesn't, she's not required to eat the leftovers, but I still won't make her a second meal at dinner.

 

As guests, I try and remind DD to use good manners, but also because of her food allergies, not hesitate to ask if there's egg or peanut in something if she's even remotely unsure (and I do the same and inform people to whose house she goes of the restrictions ahead of time).

 

It bugs me when older kids are picky, but if they're guests (or at least not regular residents, one of my DSS's is quite picky and they're here one weekend a month), I let it slide. It's up to DSS's mom, not me, whether he eats what's been cooked or makes up his own alternative (usually ramen noodles, yech). She also does more of the cooking when they're here.

 

I think kids get catered to too much foodwise when they eat out more than they do at home, or when their parents behave like short order cooks in their home kitchen. A lot of people don't seem to understand that there's a difference between dealing with serious things that cause pickiness (like sensory issues), and kowtowing to the will of a small child just because they whine.

 

With DD, I expect her to eat what she's given, and I know that if I hold firm, she eventually will. Many parents never even try.

[CalicoKat]

My dad was a lovely role model for this very thing when I was a 9 yo. We were invited to dinner by a lovely widower who prepared a home cooked meal for my family of 6. When we arrived we could immediately tell what was for dinner and it was something we knew my dad loathed.

 

We started giggling.

 

As we put our coats in the spare room my dad whispered to each of us, "Not a word, no giggles, eye rolls, or elbow jabs about my likes/dislikes." Of course we knew better than disobey.

 

This lovely gentleman dished our plates FULL with his homemade saurkraut and sausages. And my dad ate every bite with a smile. Unfortunately he finished slightly before the rest of us and was served a 2nd FULL serving. He ate that too, graciously, very very slowly. :D Our host never never knew. And we kids had a huge huge example.

 

So we tell our kids that story. We also teach them to say, "No thank you."

It's easier to get a snack later than it is to repair hurt feelings or damage a relationship.

[Margo out of lurking]

If my child acted as your friend's child did, I would have been embarrassed; however, I would go hungry rather than eat the bread heel. If a child "must" have a certain thing, it might be a good idea for that child's mom to provide that.

 

Unless there are extenuating health issues, I think picky eaters are made--to a point.

 

On the flip side of that, when possible, our meals reflect my family's different tastes. For example, if I fix pasta, my dd will have hers buttered, I might toss mine with Italian dressing, I would open a jar of red sauce for my dh, and my ds will choose any of those. If my kids don't care for what we are having, they are free to have cereal instead. I tend to be more flexible when it's something *I* don't like--such as tomato sauce.:blushing:

 

Kids can come to my house and pick off their own nuts, choose to eat the apple with skin on (or eat around it), or drink water. But I'll offer them a choice of sandwich filling, or pizza topping, etc. and try to accommodate. I assume they won't starve.

[elise1mds]

My kids are better than a lot of kids, I think. DD can be a picky eater (as evidenced by this weekend when she went to my mother's and ate only the 'trees' of the broccoli, refused to touch the grapefruit, wouldn't eat cereal, decided she didn't want to eat lasagna, etc. She did at least eat the salad and the enchilada casserole), but she's a lot better now than she was a few years ago. She was awful as a baby and hated anything green. I totally think she was born that way, because I fed her the same diet I fed my son, and that's just how she came out. He'll eat everything. Literally everything. And he always has.

 

I do insist that my kids eat a wide variety of foods and try them multiple times before completely rejecting them. I wasn't surprised when my mom said that DD wouldn't eat the grapefruit; she honestly doesn't care for the flavor. When she was offered an orange instead, she took it. But even so... I still felt bad when my mom was telling me about the troubles she'd had.

 

I usually don't have to worry about telling my kids what to or not to eat, because they're pretty polite about things they don't like. They'll take a few bites and then just work around it. If asked, they'll say they don't care for it much. But that rarely happens. DD this weekend was unusual and possibly caused by her getting three shots on Friday. She and I will have a chat about it, anyway.

 

If other kids are over, I do try to cater to what I think are popular "kid" tastes, but even so, it's sometimes a losing battle. I once had a birthday party for my son and let the kids make their own mini-pizzas. I had all sorts of toppings out, including tons of cheese for kids who just want that and nothing else. And STILL I had one mom come up to me and say, "So-and-So doesn't eat pizza." WHAT??? Um... tough? I couldn't make PB&Js because one of my personal friends is deathly allergic to peanuts, and I honestly didn't have anything else on hand. I had to tell the mom that I was really sorry, but that was what I had. She understood, but her son was pretty upset, and I could tell she didn't really know what to do. She didn't tell him to just pick something and try it, either.

 

I don't know that kids are catered to, per se, but I think that a lot of the popular convenience/cafeteria foods are just what they grow up on and they just don't get to know anything else, and kids are pretty nervous about change. They *might* love fried plantains, but they look weird, and if you've grown up on French fries, they DO have a unique taste that might take some getting used to. KWIM? I'm sure a lot of moms and dads don't eat a lot differently. Just IMHO.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Pickiness was not allowed in our home. I never would have entertained such behavior. I think picky eaters are both born and made, but more of the latter than the former, specifically from being permissive and overindulgent. It is perfectly okay for a child to have difficulty with a texture or hate a taste. Children are people, of course they have preferences and even extreme dislikes of foods. I gave my kids a wide range of foods, encouraged trying foods regularly (enough that they learned to like most things), and let them skip things they didn't want (weren't hungry, disliked, etc). Basically, I believe in BALANCE :)

 

If they are a guest, I expect that they'd be gracious. They are to try foods, enjoy what they can, show appreciation, and just remain quiet about foods they dislike.

 

It would not bug me when school aged kids prefered just the bread. However, I would encourage most to at least try the food, pick out parts they can at least try, etc. I've gotten EXTREMELY picky kids to eat almost a whole plate of food plenty of times.

 

I think WAY too many kids are too catered to food-wise. EVERY child I've been responsible for eats for me though MOST were supposedly "picky" and eats obnoxiously for their parents. And it's constant excuses from parents on boards, IRL, in daycares, etc. But these same exact kids will eventually eat for other people. They may still dislike a certain vegetable or tomato sauce or...

 

I guess another reason I am so strong about this is that I have a kid that had extreme sensory issues. It took a lot to get past a good bit of troubles with that but we worked on it, didn't baby him. And he was perfectly capable, even as a little tyke, of being respectful and kind. Seriously, I think people have to have the expectation of a high standard, teach their kids to that standard, and watch it happen. It may be harder for some or easier for some (btw, I also have one of the easiest kids on earth), but almost every child can live up to reasonable expectations if we help them.

 

BTW, my mother just learned a year or so ago that I don't like tomato sauce. I knew spaghetti was a quick and easy meal that a person can cheaply make for a large group of people so I never said anything. I took a small bit, ate more salad and bread, and she never knew. Now I don't think kids have to go THAT far (I probably could have found SOME time in 30some years to tell her), but I think they can suck it up a whole lot more than most people ask them to.

[Jan in SC]

Well, my kids are somewhat picky, but they aren't terrible. I probably do give them what they prefer too often. However, I have never seen an adult leave a picky child alone. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. I have seen several children politely say -no thank you- only to be hounded by an adult. I see this happen at church pot-lucks and birthday parties. I had one dad make two of my children sit in time-out because they would not eat a hot dog. (I had fed them before they left-my mistake!)

[FriedClams]

My kids have been trained since birth to smile and eat what they are given. When directly asked if they like something, they can reply "No, I don't care for that. Thank you." That's it. I am ruthless.

 

I think it's so rude when a kid complains or doesn't eat when given something at someone else's home. Seriously - when we were kids you ate what you were given and said thank you. Can you imagine our grandparents whining about a snack? Allergies - I am very accommodating. Preferences - tough luck. I let the kids know - this is what we are having. If you want it great. If you don't - then you can wait until you get home to eat.

[Snickerdoodle]

After reading some of the responses, I do have a texture sensitive and food allergic son. I think it's perfectly acceptable to say, "No thank you" and to be excused from eating.

 

It is not acceptable as a guest to ask for a different meal or to whine and complain.

[abbeyej]

There's definitely more inborn pickiness in one of my kids than the other. But it's totally unacceptable in our home. So while I still think of her as "picky", the fact is, she'll eat anything (within reason), and I have no concerns about her behavior at other people's homes with regard to food. She'll eat (or quietly eat around) whatever she's given, and she won't starve.

 

My other child -- who really will eat anything -- was allergic to everything for a while. He's still allergic to nuts, but has gained back all of those other missing foods (most grains, all legumes, dairy, a number of fruits and veggies, seeds). So yeah, there was a time when I had to send food with him wherever he went. And a few good friends were really kind about figuring out a couple of simple things he *could* have, and trying to keep those on hand for him (grapes, for instance, were pretty safe).

 

I try to be understanding when *other* people's kids come over. While I'm pretty rigid about my kids eating what is served for dinner, it's not my job to do that with other people's kids. So I'll try to be accommodating (pasta and sauce separately, for instance, or cutting up some raw veggies they might prefer to the cooked ones I'm serving) -- but I'd be frustrated in the situation you describe. Ds has a friend who, over the years, got to where he really only wanted to eat one brand of pizza, and a few other brand-specific items. It became very frustrating to have him over, and I honestly wished he would just bring his own food rather than act disgusted with *everything* I offered.

[duckens]

I'm so lucky.

 

DD3 is the best eater ever! She oooh and aaah over broccoli or red peppers.

 

Part of this is her personality. She has always been an easy child.

 

A big part of this is her dad: Loverboy eats my cooking without complaint, and he supports when I try to make healthy choices for our family (like trying a vegetarian meal or using brown rice, etc).

 

I am also proud that we don't make a big deal about what she eats. We serve XXX for supper, and put it on her plate. If she doesn't eat it and is ready to go play after 5 minutes, we don't make a big deal about it. I have a lot of food hangups, and I don't want her to inherit that from me.

 

Loverboy is very good about cooking her an egg or making her a sandwich or other snack just before bed so that she doesn't nurse all night on me.

 

Disclaimer: if she was older, we would probably be more strict about specific eating times and limits.

 

P.S. I would die of shame if I learned that my child behaved the way the PBJ child behaved with you. If she cannot be polite and thankful, then she cannot have dinner at her friend's house. I would not inflict my child upon others if she was going through a phase like that.

[abbeyej]

...I think it's perfectly acceptable to say, "No thank you" and to be excused from eating.

 

It is not acceptable as a guest to ask for a different meal or to whine and complain.

 

Yes, I agree. I would even go so far as to say that a child could make a request if the hostess offers something else (whether that's, "I have cheese sticks here or carrots") or simply asks what the child might like from her pantry ("Could I have some crackers, please?").... But I'd far rather my child go politely hungry for a short time (as my son had to do many times when his allergies were so broad and dangerous) than make demands on a hostess. (And again, with a child who is allergic or has gag-reflex issues, I think it's best to bring something from home, whenever the necessity of eating at someone else's home can be foreseen.)

[NancyNellen]

I really like this response - and agree completely. :-)

 

I really do believe that, for the most part, picky eaters are created.

[Melinda in VT]

I have four kids, three boys and a girl, ranging in age from 14 to 4.

 

With two of the kids, my big concern when they eat somewhere without me is that they will eat too much. The third child is mildly picky but well-mannered enough to hide it. The fourth is extremely picky. Ridiculously so. But he's still young enough that the only meal he might eat without us is lunch, and he loves PB&J.

 

I'm convinced that some kids have a real challenge with food. But I also think parenting can exacerbate or moderate that. In our case, our son seems to have a real sensitivity to smell. But I also think he's built up the food issue in his mind quite a bit. Now that he's four, we're clamping down a bit and seeing small but noticeable improvements in his behavior with regards to food.

[2cents]

Mine will eat anything. :) I've had other parents compliment my children because they are easy to feed.

[Pretty in Pink]

How picky are your kids? They're really not past the age of 5 or 6. My eleven year old will eat whatever is placed in front of him in someone else's home, regardless of whether he cares for it or not. The only thing my 6yo will. not. touch. is nuts and nut butters; other than that, he eats what the host serves.

 

Do you think picky eaters are born or made? What have you done to keep your kids from being too picky? I'll bite and say that, for the most part, I think they are made (barring allergies and sensory issues).

 

Do you give your kids certain "instructions" on what to do if they are a guest and are served food that they don't care for? Sure. They know to say, "No thank you" if they'd rather not eat something; on the other hand, they know that they should be polite and eat something, even if they just take a small serving (and really, there's never been an entire meal that they wouldn't care for, so maybe they pass on the mashed potatoes and just have the meat and salad, but they do eat).

 

Does it bug you when kids over the age of six are at your house for dinner and they don't touch a thing but the bread? Nope. I figure it goes with the territory when you have kids over. I try to serve kid-friendly meals and, beyond that, if I see that a kid doesn't care for what I've made I will just offer a sandwich and a piece of fruit or something. No big deal.

 

Do you think a lot of kids are too catered to food-wise these days, and if so, why? Probably, but it's really not my business what other people choose to do in their own homes and with their own meals and I don't really care. I have friends who cater to their children' food demands because it is easier than the alternative, and I have friends who serve mostly processed food because it's just easier than preparing fresh meals, so their kids have developed a taste for it.

[swellmomma]

When my kids go to a friend's house to eat my usual words to them are "You. Like. Everything." They are permitted to say no thank you but no one is allowed to complain about the meal served. If they don't like it tough luck, their friend's mother is not expected to make something else for them they can eat when they come home. I have been complimented every time they go to someone's house to eat about how gracious they are and how well mannered. They get invited back to eat often. If only the rest of their behaviour was as good as when they eat elsewhere.

[LibraryLover]

My kids know a meal at a friends' house ia not their 'last meal'. Be polite for the night, then come home and eat what you want. For kids 10 and up, I wouldn't have patience if my kids pulled that. If I had a picky kid over, I would ask them what they wanted and serve that, as I have. I feel no ned to push my miso-buckwheat meals on children who would be happy with some pasta & Newman's sauce. If possible, I will make a meal according to a young guest's preference. Nobody has ever asked for anything crazy, so that does help. lol

 

But if my kids' host doesn't ask, my kids are able to eat what is the least offensive to them , or suffer the 8 hours and come home and eat what they prefer. My motto? You will not die. It is not your last meal.

Edited March 29, 2010 by LibraryLover

[LauraGB]

My kids, like every other person in the world, have thier likes and dislikes. I think eating at home is a place where you can be "picky" if you want to be. Eating at someone else's house becomes an issue of manners, not personal preference. If my kid complained about the dinner, and then complained that the secondary dinner the hostess made for them wasn't right, and then when the hostess tried a dinner for my child a 3rd time and the temperature wasn't right - well, lets just say that would *never* happen a second time. Guaranteed.

 

Mostly my kids will graciously accept what is served them and do thier best to be polite about it. It works out better if every one gets to serve themselves rather than be handed a full plate, imo. If they feel so inclined to complain about it, they can do it at home.

 

As a hostess, I will try to appease the guests. If it is a child, I state what is for dinner and ask if they "hate that stuff". If they kind of give me the "maybe..." look, I offer a sandwich. But usually they are well mannered enough to say, "No, thank you," and end up just picking at whatever it was that they didn't like.

[Mommyof4ks]

My kids are picky, but then so am I lol. Rules for other houses include, be polite, try some of everything that is made (after asking if it contains artificial sweeteners because those do not sit will with my kids yuck!), thank the cook, and if you are still hungry when you get home then you can have fruit or yogurt. I tell them not to ask the cook to change anything for them, however once the food is on their plate they can remove ingredients that they do not like (onions, peppers, etc). My kids are generally polite when with other families, but we still struggle at houses where the family is picky or follows a certain diet like veggie, high protein, or something. It is a work in progress.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Well, dd just had supper at our neighbor's house. Our neighbor was happy to report that she ate well - in fact she mentioned it 3 times so she must have been really surprised! Dd can be picky. I just do not cater to it.

[RoughCollie]

How picky are your kids?

 

I have 2 picky eaters. The other 2 will eat anything that doesn't eat them first.

 

Do you think picky eaters are born or made?

 

Born. There is absolutely no reason for two of my kids to be picky eaters. None. Zero. Zilch.

 

What have you done to keep your kids from being too picky?

 

Offered many varieties of nutritious food.

 

Solicited and received their pediatrician's support.

 

Thoroughly checked out, with several specialists, whether one of my kids had any physical cause for being so picky.

 

Do you give your kids certain "instructions" on what to do if they are a guest and are served food that they don't care for?

 

Yes! Eat the food that is offered to you. If they are to serve themselves, don't take food you won't eat.

 

Does it bug you when kids over the age of six are at your house for dinner and they don't touch a thing but the bread?

 

Yes. Generally, kids who are guests stay for dinner on the spur of the moment. They always say they like what I am serving, and that they are hungry.

 

It bugs me if a kid then does not eat because it is a waste of food. I tell them that, and that they will not be fed here again for that reason.

 

Do you think a lot of kids are too catered to food-wise these days, and if so, why?

 

Don't know. I don't cater to my kids, beyond telling them that if they don't eat dinner, they are on their own.

[Parrothead]

In light of the very enjoyable thread about the dinner guest who announced, "I only eat fish, and I prefer Chilean Sea Bass" ...

 

How do you kids manage when they have to eat somewhere else?

Dd does very well. She will now eat most anything.

 

I once had my daughter's friend come over, and stay long enough to have dinner with us. The mother had told me, "She a picky eater; just give her PBJ and she'll be happy." So I offered her what we were eating (which she passed on) and I also made her a PBJ.

 

She was upset because the sandwich was made with an end slice of bread, and she didn't eat crusts. I went to get a fresh loaf of bread out of the fridge, and she didn't want that either because it was "too cold."

That child would probably have been hungry when her mom picked her up from my house. There is only so much pickiness I'll tolerate.

 

How picky are your kids? Not very. Dd's pickiness is more of a sensitivity than a dislike except for fruit. But I"m still working on that. We have built her up from nothing to grapes, apple slices, strawberries, bananas, and watermelon.

 

Do you think picky eaters are born or made? I think it is a bit of both. The kid who has never been exposed to a green veggie in his life won't learn to love them. But there are children who have been exposed repeatedly and still not like something. Once a year dd has to try a fruit she has previously not liked. That is how we got to the point we are at now. She also has a texture thing and can barely tolerate an egg in her mouth no matter how well it tastes to her.

 

What have you done to keep your kids from being too picky? Dd has to taste a new dish even if it looks funny. She is not allowed to hurt the cook's feelings. Over time dd has realized that some things that look odd are actually very tasty.

 

Do you give your kids certain "instructions" on what to do if they are a guest and are served food that they don't care for? Yup, she is not allowed to hurt anyone's feelings. The words, "What is that?" or "Ewwww" are not allowed to come out of her mouth in relation to what is put on her plate. She knows that if she does not like something she is to tell the mom, "Thank you, but I don't like this."

 

Does it bug you when kids over the age of six are at your house for dinner and they don't touch a thing but the bread? No. I know not all kids are exposed to the same foods I serve. But I do not keep offering to fix something else. They will go home hungry.

 

Do you think a lot of kids are too catered to food-wise these days, and if so, why? Yup, I really think some kids are. I've heard it too many times before. "My kid won't eat that." How do you know if you've never tried. I think there is a bit of a psychology to feeding kids. I never tell one that they won't like something. I have told mine many times that she will like ___ when she is older. She always has an expatiation that one day she will like mango.

 

I'm not talking about food allergies, or even "I'm a vegetarian." I'm talking about "I don't like tomato sauce," or "I don't eat vegetables" or "I need you to pick the nuts off that because I don't like them."

There are a lot of kids that will eat plain buttered noodles instead of red sauce so I do ask first. I can't make someone else's kid eat her veggies so if they are not wanted they do not even go on the plate. But the kid that wants the nuts off his salad can darn well pick them off himself.

 

Jenny

;)

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

How picky are your kids?

Do you think picky eaters are born or made? What have you done to keep your kids from being too picky?

Do you give your kids certain "instructions" on what to do if they are a guest and are served food that they don't care for?

Does it bug you when kids over the age of six are at your house for dinner and they don't touch a thing but the bread?

Do you think a lot of kids are too catered to food-wise these days, and if so, why?

 

I'm not talking about food allergies, or even "I'm a vegetarian." I'm talking about "I don't like tomato sauce," or "I don't eat vegetables" or "I need you to pick the nuts off that because I don't like them."

 

Jenny

 

I dont let my kids be picky. I just started giving them EVERYTHING we ate from the beginning. My 4&5 y/o LOVES brussel sprouts, spinich, brocoli all the stuff kids normally dont eat. If they get older and truly dont like something I still make them eat a little (not much).

 

That being said, I have niece that will only eat bread, chicken nuggets FROM MCDONALDS, carrots, pizza and watermelon. She will be coming for a two week visit this summer (she lives in Michigan we live in Wyoming). She is 15 and everybody has catered to her with that her whole life. She will NOT eat like that here (2 weeks is long enough to make anybody hungry enough to eat what we are having right??) This should be a fun (or not so much) visit. Luckily my mother in law is bringing her, so Its not just on me to deal with her. PRAY FOR US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited March 29, 2010 by wy_kid_wrangler04

[Parrothead]

 

That being said, I have niece that will only eat bread, chicken nuggets FROM MCDONALDS, carrots, pizza and watermelon. She will be coming for a two week visit this summer (she lives in Michigan we live in Wyoming). She is 15 and everybody has catered to her with that her whole life. She will NOT eat like that here (2 weeks is long enough to make anybody hungry enough to eat what we are having right??) This should be a fun (or not so much) visit. Luckily my mother in law is bringing her, so Its not just on me to deal with her. PRAY FOR US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

15?!? Oh, my! Unfortunately she may eat for you, but once she gets back she will be probably be catered to again.

[Mom-ninja.]

I used to tell my kids they had to eat what I prepared.....then they were tested for allergies. I was floored at what they tested positive too. Now, I'm almost afraid to tell them to eat something if they say they don't like it because I'm afraid they may be allergic to it. :001_huh:

 

But bread being too cold....um no.

 

Little story....We were at my sister's future grandma in-law's house. She is very deep south gracious. My then 5 yr old asked for some water. She gave him some in a plastic cup. He looked right at her and said, "I'm sorry. I can't drink from plastic. My mom doesn't let us use plastic. I use metal cups at home." I wanted the floor to swallow me! I was mortified. I gave a her weak smile, and told her that the cup was fine thank you. I handed it to my ds and told him to thank her for the water. He says, "But are you sure, Mom? It's plastic." Geesh, if I ever wanted duct tape.....

[Willow]

We have quite simply given up eating at other peoples houses, we politely decline. I have a coeliac, orally sensitive aspie. He is quite happy to sit quietly and not eat. But other people get upset at his inability to eat their food, even if i say, we will bring our own food, or he will eat later at home, people get wound up about it, so we don't visit.

 

Willow.

[myfunnybunch]

I have one child who will eat anything. I was also like this as a child, and still am.

 

I have two children who are p-i-c-k-y. They were born that way. One is sensitive to strong flavors, the other to texture. My sister was also like this as a child, and still is. She eats very healthy foods, but a very limited selection because she cannot abide many foods.

 

Both my family of birth and my current family eat healthy foods. Homecooked meals, lots of vegetables and fruit, whole grains, very little junk or processed food. My mother did not prepare special foods for my sister; I do not prepare special foods for one picky boy. (The other is mildly hypoglycemic, so he gets a sandwich if he doesn't eat much dinner; otherwise, he gets sick.) And still...some kids picky, some not. I firmly believe some picky eaters are made, and some children are just born that way.

 

People who know us well understand these two boys and will make sure there's something mild on the table. If I leave them with someone else, I always leave a snack or bread and ham/soy butter (peanut allergy) so that the boys can make a sandwich.

 

My boys know to say, "No, thank you. I don't care for that," when offered something they don't like. They also know to ask, "Does it have peanuts?" :)

 

At home, my children know that they must try a new dish (and often re-try foods when they show up at a later meal) before they can pass on that food. Imagine their surprise last night when they both discovered that they do indeed like cornbread! They are both slowly adding new foods to their lists as they mature and we keep insisting they try two bites at each meal.

 

Picky guests: My second daughter has autism, and so do some of her friends. Many people with autism have very particular food preferences, so I am used to catering to guests with food sensitivities, allergies, and preferences. It doesn't bother me one little bit, even to cater to run-of-the-mill pickiness. I can't cater to the "feed me chicken nuggets" crowd, though, because we don't have any in the house, but usually a plate of fruit, milk and a couple slices of cheese will satisfy those kids.

 

Although, I must admit that my oldest dd's sleepover friend (not autistic, just a regular guest) threw me for a loop when she didn't like the eggs I'd served for breakfast and told me (not asked, told) she wanted me to make her more. :glare: I did, because I am a gracious hostess, lol.

 

And...I believe creating picky eaters (as opposed to kids born that way) happens when children are not exposed to a wide variety of fresh fruits and veggies and freshly prepared foods. They get hooked on the simple salty-sugary-fatty bland tastes of processed foods and more complex-tasting foods simply don't taste familiar or delicious.

 

Cat

[Jean in Newcastle]

I just wanted to say that I always cater to allergies.

 

But also - I've had a number of kids whose parents have warned me that they were picky and would not eat what I've served. Every single time these kids have happily eaten my food. I'm not quite sure why. And there parents don't know why either. They've been floored when I've told them that they just ate it up or have in some cases observed them eating. I'm never mean about it. And I try to make my food healthy but "normal" if I'm having guests. When I serve it I am very matter of fact about the food. Perhaps that is why they eat it?

[myfunnybunch]

I used to tell my kids they had to eat what I prepared.....then they were tested for allergies. I was floored at what they tested positive too.

 

I used to say (nicely), "If you don't like what's for dinner, you can wait until breakfast."

 

I was floored when we finally realized that my youngest ds was mildly hypoglycemic, and skipping dinner was making him physically ill. So he gets a pass. He sits with us for dinner, tries everything, usually finds something to eat...and gets to make himself a sandwich later if he needs one.

 

The same kid refused peanut butter and turned out to be allergic to peanuts.

 

Cat

[Luanne]

I have a cousin who when she was growing up and even as a teenager would only eat pbj sandwiches and basically nothing else. I don't know if she ever got past that since I haven't been around her at all as an adult. I always thought it was strange. We (my 3 siblings and I) had always been taught to eat whatever was put in front of us no matter what. We weren't even allowed to say "no thanks" nicely ... it was "eat it" and "eat it all". It wasn't until I became ill at the age of 11 that my mother stopped making me eat things with tomato in them. The doctor told her not to feed me things that were acidic or spicy. I had to endure many years of stomach aches because she thought I was just being picky.

 

My daughter also cannot eat acidic things (especially tomatoes). She also is allergic to eggs and has some texture issues. My mother also has texture issues, especially pertaining to certain fruits (which by the way she won't eat) and yet she forced us as children to eat everything on our plates regardless. I find this interesting to say the least.

 

I think some children are born picky ... but my cousin was definitely made that way because my aunt catered to her (not just in the area of food).

[m0mmaBuck]

My husband is an extremely picky eater. It drives me crazy. He will refuse to go to dinner at someone's house unless he knows what they are making and it's one of the few things he likes. He won't go to most restaurants. He will demand that his parents cook something different if he doesn't like what they are serving on Sundays. At our house, he can eat what I cook or have a bowl of cereal. He used to make himself chicken nuggets or some other 'fast food' type food but when he realized it detracted from whatever I was serving, he stopped. I think he didn't like the fact that the kids would want some of his food too.

 

I grew up in a house where the most negative thing you were allowed to say about dinner was "Thank you" without a compliment attached. We didn't have to clean our plates but we were expected to try everything. And there weren't alternatives offered if you didn't like what was served. You ate it or you went hungry.

 

My children are not picky at all. They will have a 'no thank you' serving of anything someone puts in front of them. They might not like it, but they know enough to be polite to whoever has served them food. We did have some issues with DSS early on (when he first came to live with us) but those were nipped in the bud. He would complain about something at every meal (from "you should have put xyz in this" to "Jamie Oliver would have used fresh herbs from his garden" to "next time you should blah blah blah"...). I told him fine, since he knows so much about food (he watched the Food Network incessantly but never cooked a thing in his life) that he was in charge of the menu and cooking for the next week. I told him he had to cook in such a manner that everyone would eat the meal (i.e. not too spicy for the little kids, sticking within the things his dad likes or at least could eat around, limiting the things I am allergic to). I don't think he's complained once since that week!

[tex-mex]

My dad was a lovely role model for this very thing when I was a 9 yo. We were invited to dinner by a lovely widower who prepared a home cooked meal for my family of 6. When we arrived we could immediately tell what was for dinner and it was something we knew my dad loathed.

 

We started giggling.

 

As we put our coats in the spare room my dad whispered to each of us, "Not a word, no giggles, eye rolls, or elbow jabs about my likes/dislikes." Of course we knew better than disobey.

 

This lovely gentleman dished our plates FULL with his homemade saurkraut and sausages. And my dad ate every bite with a smile. Unfortunately he finished slightly before the rest of us and was served a 2nd FULL serving. He ate that too, graciously, very very slowly. :D Our host never never knew. And we kids had a huge huge example.

 

So we tell our kids that story. We also teach them to say, "No thank you."

It's easier to get a snack later than it is to repair hurt feelings or damage a relationship.

 

:iagree: That's the rule at Grandma's house. Eat what is served on the plate. Of course, grandma serves kid-sized portions. But my son eats it and over the years has developed a like for the way grandma cooks certain meals (i.e. Weight Watcher's homemade cabbage casserole or homemade mac & cheese) that I try to replicate and cook at home... but it doesn't taste the same as grandma's. She loves it. I'm thrilled he likes her style of cooking. :D

[IsabelC]

How picky are your kids?

It varies from one child to another, from one age to another and from one day to another. Overall, I'd say they are about average: certainly won't eat everything, but they're not hugely fussy and they're pretty willing to taste things.

 

Do you think picky eaters are born or made?

Born and made, a bit of each. There is a lot of evidence that difference people actually do experience foods differently. Everyone has individual taste and smell receptors, and some people can taste elements of food that others can't, or can taste things more strongly than others. So it is a genuine physical difference. But, there are also many environmental factors that effect a person's fussiness or adventurousness. Parents may model finickiness, or not offer much culinary variety. Children may copy their peers' food foibles. They may react to rules around food being too strict or too lax (or non existent). Etc etc too many causes to list.

 

What have you done to keep your kids from being too picky?

Nothing particular. Just encourage them to taste a variety of foods and demonstrate that food is interesting and enjoyable.

 

Do you give your kids certain "instructions" on what to do if they are a guest and are served food that they don't care for?

I tell them to taste everything they're given, as they might find they like it. If they don't like it, they don't have to eat it, but don't make a fuss about it. No complaining about food is allowed: if you like it, you say "thank you, this is delicious" or similar, if you hate it, you say "thank you" and then shut your mouth!

 

Does it bug you when kids over the age of six are at your house for dinner and they don't touch a thing but the bread?

I try not to pass judgment on the child, because I don't know 100% what is going on for her. So I don't make an issue of it, but I'll quietly mention to the parents that their child is welcome to help herself to some fruit or anything else from our kitchen.

 

Do you think a lot of kids are too catered to food-wise these days, and if so, why?

Generally, no. OK, so there are a few parents who think they have to be short order chefs and whip up whatever the whim of their spoilt child dictates at any moment. But that's not the norm, or at least not amongst the people I meet. I think that most children are no more fussy than their parents. Parents appear to be less fussy, because they have more control over their diet: they filter out what they don't like before the food reaches the kitchen. (If you think you are not fussy, try this. While you are waiting at your supermarket checkout, take a look at the person in front of you and count how many items they are buying that you would not buy. It's very likely there will be things in their trolley that you wouldn't eat.)

 

 

ETA with your guest who didn't like anything (except Chilean sea bass, lol) I wouldn't be making her stuff. I'd just lead her to the kitchen and invite her to fix something for herself. That way she gets something she can eat, and you don't give her fussiness unnecessary attention.

Edited March 29, 2010 by Hotdrink

[Laura Corin]

My boys are under instructions to eat as much as they can of what is offered, to leave on the side of their plate anything they really can't manage and to say 'No thank you' politely if they are offered something they don't like.

 

Laura

[angela in ohio]

"You eat what is put in front of you. If you don't like it, play with it, and eat the things you do like [Miss Manners' advice]. If you don't like it, don't say anything at all. Thank the hostess when you're finished and ask to be excused."

 

As usual, I agree with Ellie. We don't allow our dc to be picky eaters anyway - at home they eat what is on their plate for dinner and that's that - but if they encounter something new or poorly prepared, they know to follow the above advice.

 

We once went to dinner and the main dish was something my entire family had never had before and didn't care for. You would have thought we loved it! :D Dh and I model for them how to get over it. We care about other people, and we want to show them that we appreciate all the work they do to feed us. I think dc learn that from seeing their mothers (and fathers) work hard to feed other people. When you know that having someone to dinner means mom worked extra hard all day, you appreciate what is in front of you at someone else's house, no matter what it is.

 

I do always inquire about allergies and preferences and such when we have guests, but most people we know are along the same lines as us and so their dc eat what is serve. I do prepare separate food for my nephews, who have no allergies, but are picky, but I just want to keep peace with dh's brother, and I love them more than most, so I don't mind. :001_smile:

[ConnieB]

My kids, thank heavens, are very UNpicky eaters....yes they have strong preferences, but we let them know early in their lives that this is what is for dinner, eat it or go hungry....there's another meal in a few hours or in the morning.

 

I do think that a lot of picky eaters are made....but I also think there are some kids who just have the personality that they'll starve rather than eat the green beans and mean it, lol. I can only base this on watching my friends with their picky eaters.....rather than insisting they try something new or at least be a little more flexible, they seem to cave into their children's demands.....and I'm not talking just on food so it's not a food issue/allergy that I'm not aware of, lol. I see it more and more and believe it's developing a lot of very picky people who believe they are entitled to their demands...about everthing in life. My husband has some of those tendecies himself.....but we've been married long enough that a particluar look from me kills that off, lol. Maybe my kids just learned early on about the look and never tested it, lol.

 

I actually feel sorry for these picky people because they always seem so unhappy when their needs can't be accomodated.....being flexible and going with the flow is not being wimpy (like one mom who told me she wanted her kids to stand up for exactly what they wanted, even what kind of bread, rather than be a wimp!!). It's accepting life as a varying adventure to be marveled at and enjoyed, not whipped into compliance with your comfort zone, lol. I know the joys that these people will never experience because they aren't open to them.

 

I have one child that would turn cartwheels if I ever told her no more vegetables ever....but she eats them. Some days when she's feeling particularly sassy her chewing is with a grimace on her face as though she's eat live worms, but that's her personality. She's probably "gone hungry" the most but she's survived it all.

 

I don't particularly like crusts either (we save them and make croutons) nor do I like cold bread (but 5-10 seconds in a microwave is long enough for bread to warm up). Of course, as an adult I'm aware of the social graces that say you don't complain at someone else's home about minor things like this (though I also typically volunteer to help so my bread gets nuked, lol). A child without a parent around to guide probably either won't remember this rule or hasn't learned it yet, and is reacting like they would at home "Mom you know I don't like heels or cold bread". I probably would have just offered to warm up the bread and moved on....the Mom did warn you after all, lol. But...I'd also probably not bother to invite this particular child to stay again....unless I was serving PB&J on warm bread. At our house 50% of the invite is to partake of our food...the other 50% is companionship of course....but I really like full participation, lol.

 

I would NEVER take it personally though, as I doubt the child (or even an adult) is trying to insult you or drive you insane with their food requirements. But around here they'd be killing off their future invites, lol.

 

So...anyone wanna come over for dinner, we've having live worms on warm bread. No fish, sorry.

[happyhomemaker25]

My middle daughter does not like most food. She just does not. That being said she has learned how to eat food she doesn't like.

My girls would eat what they were given at someone's house and not say anything unless asked.

My boys on the other hand are still learning that tact. Though my oldest boy eats what we give him without problems. Just at someone elses house he might be more vocal, because he could get away with it with them. LOL

We don't offer substitutions here. You eat whats on the table. Food you don't like you get a very, very small portion. I have seen tastes change in my kids just by doing this.

I would reprimand my kids for being rude if they did that at someone's house. I think it's poor manners.

Just my thoughts.

[2squared]

I think that most children are no more fussy than their parents. Parents appear to be less fussy, because they have more control over their diet: they filter out what they don't like before the food reaches the kitchen. (If you think you are not fussy, try this. While you are waiting at your supermarket checkout, take a look at the person in front of you and count how many items they are buying that you would not buy. It's very likely there will be things in their trolley that you wouldn't eat.)

 

:iagree:

 

My dh hates fish, so my kids are never served it. I am sure they wouldn't eat it somewhere else. They would appear picky to another family but it's not their fault.

 

My dh also hates tomatoes, mayo.....

 

I filter out my dislikes as well. Anything dh & I don't like is not served to my kids, so I would assume that they wouldn't eat those things elsewhere.

[Frontier Mom]

My problem is keeping food in the house once their friends come around, LOL. I just insist they use their manners and I have been told they do that very well. My dd went to a neighbors house where their grandmother was making egg rolls. She is Asian so these are the REAL EGG ROLLS!! My dd, who would never eat this at a restaurant, came home telling me she ate 4. Glad she got the treat.

 

She told me, "I'm glad I at least tried something new because they were delicious." I try to teach this and my dcs have turned out to be well-rounded eaters.

[Mejane]

I remember once asking my dad (half-kiddingly) what my dinner choices were. He said, "Eat it or starve." He wasn't kidding. We ate what was put in front of us, whether at home or away.

 

I expect the same from my kids. They don't have to love it, but they're not allowed to gag, roll their eyes, say they hate it, or ask for something different. If they really hate something someone else makes them, they will pick and push the food around. No one has ever starved from missing one meal.

[lynn]

My kids are not picky to the point of being snarky, making faces etc. They will just take what they will eat and pass on the rest. I don't have a problem with this at all. I do try them to encourage to tray little bits of things that they don't know if they'd like it or not. If we invite their friends to stay for dinner I just tell them to eat what they like. I don't mind if they pass on something. I have never had a request to make something special. Most nights are spaghetti nights where their friends stay for dinner. Most kids like spaghetti.

 

I must say I did get caught off guard once when my ds had a friend from our co-op come over and planned on picking up a pizza. The boy said, I can't eat pizza I can't have cheese. It was fine with me but I was caught off guard that a kid would not eat pizza....lol Funny thing was I asked he would like taco bell and he did and what he ordered had cheese on it?? It really was not a big deal to me. I'm flexible.

[mommaduck]

Mine are not picky. But then mama is a TCK and we have a varied kitchen. I will say that there are a couple things that certain ppl in the house don't like, but some dislikes are to be expected, not considered picky.

 

With other ppl's kids, I inform them that this is what I fixed and I don't fix more than one meal simply because one person doesn't like what is prepared. Usually the child will eat what is in front of them after a few minutes. I've found that some kids like to see how much they can push their host/ess.

[Parrothead]

.being flexible and going with the flow is not being wimpy (like one mom who told me she wanted her kids to stand up for exactly what they wanted, even what kind of bread, rather than be a wimp!!).

IMHO she is not raising her kids to be picky. She is raising them to be rude.

 

 

 

I must say I did get caught off guard once when my ds had a friend from our co-op come over and planned on picking up a pizza. The boy said, I can't eat pizza I can't have cheese. It was fine with me but I was caught off guard that a kid would not eat pizza....lol Funny thing was I asked he would like taco bell and he did and what he ordered had cheese on it?? It really was not a big deal to me. I'm flexible.

I know with me I can eat way, way more cheddar than I can mozzarella. He might experience something similar. Or it could be that you were scammed.

[stripe]

"I need you to pick the nuts off because I don't like them"? Yeah, like that's gonna happen.:tongue_smilie:

I was once at a friend's house and her mother-in-law suddenly reached over and removed the skins from my pan-fried potatoes. ;)

[Niffercoo]

We have quite simply given up eating at other peoples houses, we politely decline. I have a coeliac, orally sensitive aspie. He is quite happy to sit quietly and not eat. But other people get upset at his inability to eat their food, even if i say, we will bring our own food, or he will eat later at home, people get wound up about it, so we don't visit.

 

Willow.

 

 

This is how it works for us, too. We actually went over to a friends' house for dinner a week ago, and when she asked what to fix, I suggested that we pick up some pizza on the way. I knew that it was 50/50 whether or not Reece would eat it, since we weren't at home, and I didn't want the other family to be upset about it. It ended up being fine and everyone at quite well, but we simply do not go to eat with other people.

 

It's not only because of my children. I am a much pickier eater than they are, and I grew up being chastised by people (family included) for what I did or didn't eat. I was always polite, never said a word to the hostess, and would just sort of move the food around on my plate if it's not something I cared for, but people still insisted on commenting. It's a horrible feeling.

[littlebug42]

 

I must say I did get caught off guard once when my ds had a friend from our co-op come over and planned on picking up a pizza. The boy said, I can't eat pizza I can't have cheese. It was fine with me but I was caught off guard that a kid would not eat pizza....lol Funny thing was I asked he would like taco bell and he did and what he ordered had cheese on it?? It really was not a big deal to me. I'm flexible.

 

 

I have one that won't eat tomato sauce so it always makes pizza fun around here. She LOVES raw tomatoes but does not like the taste when they are made into sauce. She likes her pizza with cheese, ham and sliced tomatoes. She is my pickiest child but the funny thing is that in the long run, I think she makes healthier choices than the rest of us.