"Gift Equality" for little kids - $ or number???

[BikeBookBread]

This sounds RIDICULOUS...there is obviously a training issue we need to tackel, and heart issue that needs to be addressed in our home as to gratitude, however, I don't want to do it on Christmas morning this year!

 

So, when you buy Christmas gifts for your small children (7 and under), do you worry about the appearance of equality and therefore:

 

 

• do you purchase with the total dollar amount in mind?
  
• the number in mind?
  
• the physical size in mind?
  

 

I didn't do a poll because I never give logical choices!

 

This year, I bought almost to the dollar the same dollar amount for each girl; however, LLL has one more than PDG. LLL wouldn't really freak about this if the situation was reversed, but PDG is very literal and fairness-minded (being 5 going on 6 and all!)....should I just go out and buy some little thing to even up the number?

[midwestbelle]

and for budgeting purposes I allocated about the same amount of money for each DC, but I don't get technical about it. Can you wrap two of DD's gifts together to appear as one? If not, I'd get something small to have the same number of packages.

[AK_Mom4]

I am not a nice mom. The child (regardless of age) that counted presents and complained about number or quality would be sent away from the Christmas tree to eat breakfast and not allowed to return to the festivities until much much later. I might even make a comment about said child being over tired and ask them if they needed a nap before rejoining the family celebration.

 

Oops - forgot to add - I do NOT purchase presents baszed on fairness of quantity or $$$ amount spent. I think that's a bad trap to get into for parents. I think it's better to purchase things that each child will enjoy based on their own personality.

[Mabeline]

I do the same number. I don't worry about the price because they really don't have a grasp of how much each gift is worth. But they can see if one has more than the other in number.

[Harriet Vane]

My in-laws have always gone by dollar amount. It works well.

 

We give our children 5 gifts:

 

Something you want;

Something you need;

Something to wear;

Something to read.

 

+ one ornament

 

For those that struggle with comparing and thinking that things have to be exactly alike, we address this by talking it through:

 

Life isn't always fair or equal, though we just try our best.

Things can be fair without appearing to be the same.

When someone gives you a gift, the only acceptable response, ever, is THANK YOU.

[TammyinTN]

This year is by cost. My daughter wanted some expensive stuff and we got it. My son's stuff isn't as expensive, but the same amount is spent on all our children even the ones we adopt for the holidays.

[Caitilin]

When someone gives you a gift, the only acceptable response, ever, is THANK YOU.

 

:iagree:

 

I do try to make things mostly equal in number, but sometimes this is tricky. However, with 5 other children besides you opening gifts, it'd be REALLY hard to keep track anyway. :)

[JudoMom]

Mine have never compared, but I've always done the same number. It's just easier on me. This year, though, the littlest guy is getting one extra "personal" gift. This year they are each getting a new comforter, a trash can, gum, a toy (the little guy is getting 2, but one is a sweeper he wants, so I also got him a little toy), a book, a slinky, and a Star Wars cuddle wrap.

 

We've always done mostly group gifts, though, which is why most of their personal gifts are practical things. Since they are all so close in age, and all boys, it's hard to give things like Mindstorms to just one., when more than one boy wants it equally.

[Happy]

When our guys were small, we did that same number of gifts. Since we go around the family opening one gift at a time on CHristmas morning having the same number makes life easier. Creative wrapping helps even things out.

 

By the time everyone is a teenager, I simply said we spent roughly the same amount on each kid, but the number of gifts would not necessarily be equal.

[dragons in the flower bed]

I purchase with the wow factor in mind. I try to make sure each child will be equally excited. We also try to time it so that no one will be still opening after the others are done. With kids the ages of ours, that's tricky.

[Guest Alte Veste Academy]

So, when you buy Christmas gifts for your small children (7 and under), do you worry about the appearance of equality and therefore:

 

 

• do you purchase with the total dollar amount in mind?

• the number in mind?

• the physical size in mind?

 

 

 

At these ages, I buy according to number of package openings (I sometimes bundle gifts of a smaller size to make one gift, ex. many woodworking or sewing supplies being packed into toolbox or sewing basket) and play value for each child (not physical size but, rather, "grandness" of the gift in the eyes of the child receiving the gift).

 

This year, DS6 gave me a lesson in why not to go by price. Each of my kids asks Santa for one item. That's it. So, they pick carefully. DS6 decided he wanted Star Wars Legos this year, but couldn't decide which set. I took him to the wall of Legos at the store to help him decide. Within the space of 60 seconds, he went from a $60 Y-Wing to a $120 Cruiser and finally settled on the $20 version of Anakin's fighter. I got quite a kick out of that. He did not look at the prices at all. Didn't care. I will soak that up as long as it lasts. The dollar value of toys isn't important to him or his siblings, just the play value, so that's what I look at. So, he gets the $20 Lego set he's dreaming of, DD5's roller skates cost a bit more and DS3's scooter was the most expensive. No one will know or care (although DH and I secretly get a kick out of DS3's scooter being the most expensive item, since he's historically received the cheapest gift).

 

This year, I bought almost to the dollar the same dollar amount for each girl; however, LLL has one more than PDG. LLL wouldn't really freak about this if the situation was reversed, but PDG is very literal and fairness-minded (being 5 going on 6 and all!)....should I just go out and buy some little thing to even up the number?

 

 

Would it be feasible to wrap something for LLL as a 2-in-1 gift? For instance, ds6 is getting another set of woodworking/handicrafts books from us along with (don't laugh), lumber and a vice to make a new workbench for himself. That counts as one gift. DS3 is getting a pirate ship and accessory set, wrapped together, counts as one gift. Just a thought.

 

I do make sure they have the same number of items in their stocking but the value will be way off and they really won't have a clue. DD5 is obsessed with chopsticks so she's getting a rainbow set of 7 and it was cheap but they will thrill her. DS6 needs a booklight to read in bed and will get that in his stocking, even though it is more pricey than the chopsticks.

Edited December 12, 2009 by Alte Veste Academy

[Emmy]

We purchase same # of gifts for each kid and as Rose said above - we are aware of the "wow" factor. This does not always mean they get the same $ amount spent.

 

I do believe as kids get to be teens it's important to do same $ amounts- but then in that age range I would expect more maturity in understanding how much things cost.

 

If you anticipate issues, I might prepare the kids ahead of time with a reminder that we all need to be appreciative of what we receive and such. I would not send a child away from the tree or family during gift opening simply for having a natural child-like reaction that they couldn't control in the moment - to me, that would be truly unkind parenting. A hug and whisper in the ear to remember "to be grateful..." would be so much more effective than shaming a child.

[LND1218]

We tend to do by number roughly because of the age spread in our crew.

 

One present different and I wouldn't buy another one. I do think it's important for them to learn gratitude. But I try to stick closely to the same number of things even though I spend vastly different amounts on the kids. It such a bummer to have 2 gifts while sibling has 8 or something. But my kids love giving gifts more than getting them, so they never notice. My oldest has 3 gifts already for each of her siblings - they are small, some where made, but she's not done yet. So we focus a lot on what we give each other not what we get.

 

We tend to buy the same gifts - everyone got a bike the same year, or on certain years ~ like everyone got a DS when they were a certain age etc.

 

This year -

#4 is one and frankly doesn't need anything expensive. So I picked up a few needed things and spent very little.

 

#s 2 and 3 got roughly the same things in the same number for the same amount of money.

 

#1 needed something expensive - so we are getting it for Christmas for her. And that's about all she's getting. I spent more on her one gift than all 3 of the other kids combined. But I would have had to buy this anyway...

[KidsHappen]

 

We give our children 5 gifts:

 

Something you want;

Something you need;

Something to wear;

Something to read.

 

+ one ornament

 

 

 

We do something like this. Everyone get pjs and books plus a gift or two of their choosing depending on our budget that year and then I almost always pick a surprise present as well. So they always get the same number of gifts (between three and five) but it usually turns out that I spend very close to the same amount on each child as well. I don't plan that. It just seems to happen. I decided this year that I really wanted to start an ornament each year but the budget would budge so I think I will start that next year.

[QueenCat]

We spend approximately the same amount on each child. When they were younger, I would try to have close to the same number of packages, combining like items if necessary. We talked about fairness and such before Christmas, as was age appropriate. I would NEVER punish a child on Christmas morning if they didn't understand fairness or gratitude. What a horrible memory that would be for the child in the future.

[QueenCat]

I would not send a child away from the tree or family during gift opening simply for having a natural child-like reaction that they couldn't control in the moment - to me, that would be truly unkind parenting. A hug and whisper in the ear to remember "to be grateful..." would be so much more effective than shaming a child.

 

:iagree:

[MelanieM]

We have a similar gifting approach to strider's family. Each of our children gets a couple of books, a game (often a family gift, but sometimes a game each), an item of clothing, a toy, and a stocking with various useful and fun items and some sweets. We don't worry about dollar amounts, but we do give the same number of gifts to each child. I think it could be a bit of an issue for us if we were giving a different number of presents at their young ages, and I wouldn't want to set us up for those types of discussions at Christmas. (That's what birthdays are for. Ha!)

 

I guess I could see us changing our approach as the kids get older and want more specific items. However, we really try to keep things fairly simple and not go overboard with gift-giving, so I can't imagine us ever getting into huge issues regarding how much is spent on each child.

[swellmomma]

I try to spend approx the same amount on each child. Though I will admit dd2's santa gift is a fraction of the cost of the other kids. The younger they are the more I can get for said $ amount, so it looks like they got more but in the end it balances out. The older kids understand that while their pile may be smaller it has things like technology gadgets, movies etc. They all get things they wanted/needed and are so happy about their gifts I don't think they notice the amount each one got. Once you factor in all teh gifts they get from extended family there is definitely no shortage of gifts. Everyone in the family buys for the kids based on $$ equaly divided. I spent around $250 per child this year, my sister spent $50 on each one, my brother about the same, my folks spent around $200 per child. Even for the big kids with more expensive items their pile is still huge.

[Tess in the Burbs]

we give 3 presents for each child on Christmas. the total gift amount is the same. some years it's one big one and two little. Some years it's three equal presents. but yes, it's equal in our home as best is can be

[springmama]

My little ones have no clue about the prices of the toys they want and my oldest is old enough not to compare. The youngest is a baby and doesn't care. We make sure the middle two get roughly the same amount of gifts, give or take a few. The baby gets much less with regards to cost/amount. I think I got most of his things at yard sales this fall. My oldest mainly wants gift cards, cds, speakers for her ipod, and she'll probably get all of that but it will look like she has nothing under the tree compared to the younger kids but we probably spend about the same.

[H.S. Burrow]

This sounds RIDICULOUS...there is obviously a training issue we need to tackel, and heart issue that needs to be addressed in our home as to gratitude, however, I don't want to do it on Christmas morning this year!

 

So, when you buy Christmas gifts for your small children (7 and under), do you worry about the appearance of equality and therefore:

 

 

• do you purchase with the total dollar amount in mind?

• the number in mind?

• the physical size in mind?

 

I didn't do a poll because I never give logical choices!

 

This year, I bought almost to the dollar the same dollar amount for each girl; however, LLL has one more than PDG. LLL wouldn't really freak about this if the situation was reversed, but PDG is very literal and fairness-minded (being 5 going on 6 and all!)....should I just go out and buy some little thing to even up the number?

 

 

I haven't read all of the responses, but what I did when my were that age was to spend an equal amount of $ on each child and organize the gifts so that they each opened the same number.

 

We never had any issues over who had how many gifts, but my older would feel bad if she had one more to open than my younger.

[Dawn in OH]

My oldest 2 are close in age (13 months), so when they were younger I did a bit of all 3 options.

 

They were too little to understand not getting the same number of presents.

 

One child having a giant size present and the other tiny.

 

So I tried to make sure that if one got something "large" they both did. They both got the same number of gifts. I spent roughly the same amount on each of them (but not necessarily to the dollar).

 

With them being so close in age they often got the same of similar gifts. One year they each got a pair of tennis shoes, a pair of sunglasses, new pajamas, a dress up costume, a book, etc.

 

Now that they are older it's a flat money amount. I have x dollars to spend on each kid. If one gets 5 gifts out of that and the other gets 6, well that's life. And they are both old enough to understand that now (for the most part).

[AK_Mom4]

I would not send a child away from the tree or family during gift opening simply for having a natural child-like reaction that they couldn't control in the moment - to me, that would be truly unkind parenting. A hug and whisper in the ear to remember "to be grateful..." would be so much more effective than shaming a child.

 

Whoa....shaming? Unkind parenting? I would definitely not shame a child on Christmas morning. Or be unkind! That's not what I meant at all - I'm sorry it sounded like that. I see it as taking care of their basic needs as a priority. A kiddo who is counting other people's presents and is unhappy has a problem - over stimulated, too tired, hungry, something. Removing them from the unhappy scene, feeding them, and giving them a chance for a "do-over" is all I meant, rather than handing out what might be more usual unpleasant consequences in our house for total rudeness. Sorry about that!

[OnTheBrink]

I've always done $$ amounts, but I'm not sure that's always been the best way. My dc are 10 years apart in age as they've gotten older, the gifts have gotten more expensive. So, one might get one item, while the other got several. The only time it was ever an issue was one year when my son got a desk for his Christmas present and he got it before Christmas. There was nothing under the tree for him and he really felt left out. So, even though he's an adult now and usually just wants cash, I tell him to give me ideas for things he can open. No matter the age, it's a drag to have NOTHING to open Christmas day while everyone else is opening gifts.

[Veritaserum]

We have five kids. I generally try to make sure they each have the same number of things to unwrap. Cost may vary greatly, however, since I go more by what each child really wants/needs/would enjoy.

[OrganicAnn]

We have an only child, so we won't have to worry about this issue. But my parents did the following. They always told us that they didn't spend exactly the same amount on us, but it was always close. They explained that sometimes with sales and ages, that each year they spend a different amount. They said that it always would even out, as it was never the same kid that had more spend on them. Since they didn't seem to have favorites or go crazy on one kid or always skimp on another, we accepted it. They did try to make the # of presents somewhat even. Because the way we take turns opening them, it just makes it nicer if there isn't a big discrepancy in the numbers. You can easily do this by combining small presents into one box. They also did things like get us all a new blanket or new pjs.

 

Kids will accept alot if you are talk to them and create the expectations you want them to have.

[Tree House Academy]

Here...between the 6 and 10 year olds, it is all about the number of gifts. Size of the box matters, so I wrap everything I can in matching size boxes...even if the gift itself is small. They don't care about size once the box is opened...only before.

[Luanne]

I would not send a child away from the tree or family during gift opening simply for having a natural child-like reaction that they couldn't control in the moment - to me, that would be truly unkind parenting. A hug and whisper in the ear to remember "to be grateful..." would be so much more effective than shaming a child.

 

 

:iagree: I think that at the young ages your children are having an even number of gifts is probably a good idea.

[Sherry in OH]

Our children get the same number of gifts - three plus the contents of their stockings. We take turns opening gifts, an uneven number would be noticed.

[AnneC]

Our children get the same number of gifts - three plus the contents of their stockings. We take turns opening gifts, an uneven number would be noticed.

 

Same here. I have wrapped two things into one gift before. My kids all know that they will be getting 3 gifts from us this year. I have a maximum limit but I've only reached if for one of the kids this year and I came in way under budget for the baby.

[lynn]

when my 2 were little I kept the number the same. Now that they are teens I try to keep the dollar amt equal for my them but the gift count the same for the 2 little ones.

[Cera]

Mine are 3 and 5. We have decided to number the gifts and then pull randomly from under the tree (but I know that one is odds and one is evens in case we are pulling gifts out really unevenly). I think it will make it easier to have a different number of gifts if we aren't going around the room taking turns.

 

We have almost the same number of gifts for each kid. The older has one more under the tree and the younger has 2 more in her stocking. I thought about making it even but life isn't fair (which I am constantly reminding them) and fairness is relative. I would rather just keep it close and have explain to them ahead of time that being different isn't the same as being unfair.

 

We did make sure that the wow factor was similar though, and as they get older we will set a budget range to stay within and keep the value close (but again, not the same).

[rafiki]

.

[jujsky]

I get an even number of gifts & try to spend around the same amount of money. They each get one or two big gifts (retail of $50-$100) and then smaller gifts ($20 or under). I try to bargain-shop throughout the year and squirrel things away, so doing an equal dollar amount wouldn't work well for me, and probably wouldn't come out to be that fair in the long run. Because I buy a lot of the things on sale, it would always look like I spent more on one child than another. An equal number with the retail price-range in the same neighborhood works better for us.

[Hannah]

So, even though he's an adult now and usually just wants cash, I tell him to give me ideas for things he can open. No matter the age, it's a drag to have NOTHING to open Christmas day while everyone else is opening gifts.

 

This makes me think of a TV program we used to have here years ago, "Money or the Box?" What about wrapping his money in a box?

[dsmith]

I only have one, so I don't normally think about this. That being said, one Christmas we managed to be together with sil's family at my mil's house, which hadn't happened since he was a baby. Everybody purchased gifts based on monetary values (at least I think they did...) and ds ended up with a very small amount of presents while sil's kids had piles and piles. He's an aspie, and is very observant, very concerned with fairness (his version of fairness that is :)) and easily upset by things he takes as being wrong. To see him watching the others opening and opening with tears in his eyes was pretty heartbraking. He is a very generous kid, always a good gift receiver, very thankful, and would have been just as upset if this happened to one of these very same kids. But even at this age, he would not understand that spending the same money and buying different amounts of gifts as being fair in any way. When buying for nieces and nephews, I usually try to have a balance between amount spent and quantity of gifts, but I don't go nuts with it.

[Coleroo]

For little kids, "number" equality is what I go for first & foremost. Sometimes, wary of the parents opinion, I'll also try to make sure the dollar value is pretty equal, although I have no problem with giving the older of a set of siblings a little "more expensive" gift (by say, $5-10 more) if the situation arises.

 

A 3 year old opening one expensive gift will just not understand why she has to patiently await while her 5 year old brother opens 4 gifts (even if they're equal in total $$ value to hers).

[Alice]

My kids are the same age as yours and my 6 yr old would notice and be bothered by the "unfairness" of his brother getting one more. He's actually a kid who is pretty good with being generous and unselfish, but at this stage of being 6 he'd notice. :) I do pretty much what everyone heresays, buy the same number for each. I don't worry about $ amounts as they have no clue what things cost. The 3 yr old will get one extra as I have the 6 yr old buy him a present with his own money....but the 6 yr old understands that's fair because he gets an allowance and the 3 yr old doesn't.

[Ester Maria]

We don't do Christmas, but for Chanuka (8 nights of gifts :D) we've always tried to make it even out in total. We try to give "equal" presents on most nights (to each a book, to each a clothing item, etc), but the price may differ, so if yesterday my younger daughter got an obviously more expensive book than my older one, today when they both get perfumes my older one's will be more expensive, etc. In the end it kind of evens out.

[IsabelC]

We only buy one book for each child for Christmas, so we don't have that issue. I like the idea of Strider's little talk about fairness and gratitude though. Presents aside, you can never treat every child exactly the same, so I believe it's important for them to learn that being equal doesn't mean being identical.

[Kim in Appalachia]

I usually go for the same number, but I tend to come fairly close in amount as well. But there have been times (like this year) that we get something special for one of the kids. The amount spent on her was over what was spent for the other kids.

[SnowWhite]

I'm with Emmy and Rose, I weigh "wow factor". For example, we bought each of the school age boys a Lego and a Transformer toy, then a Tek Dek set for them to share. But the older boy is really the one who wanted the Tek Dek stuff, and he'll be getting a much desired board game from Grandma, and the other grandparents bought matching older themed gifts (construction tools), and the baby's getting a ride-on toy... So I am rethinking- planning on giving the Tek Dek stuff just to the older ds and buy the middle ds something he's been begging for (a certain plug and play video game). I want to see his eyes light up on Christmas, just as his brothers' eyes will do. He's at a tough stage because he wants everything his older brother has and doesn't have any age appropriate desires. I'm not about to spend a lot of money on an expensive item for him which will wind up broken.

[dragons in the flower bed]

He's at a tough stage because he wants everything his older brother has and doesn't have any age appropriate desires. I'm not about to spend a lot of money on an expensive item for him which will wind up broken.

 

That is hard for me with my middle kid, too. Also, the youngest already has hand-me-down toys of almost everything I'm willing to buy.

 

Last year was so much easier. We happened upon a country auction where Melissa & Doug and educational toys were going for nothing; all the kids got whatever was there.

[KidsHappen]

My mother was TOTALLY into "fair". Every year, one or the other of us would find $.50 or $1.25 in our stocking to balance the total. It cracked us up (it still cracks us up, actually!).

 

That sounds like something I would do. My kids would appreciate the humor as well.

[Haiku]

We don't worry about buying the same number or spending the same amount. We get our kids what we think they will like. Equality constraints would hamper our ability to individualize the gifts.

 

Tara

[prairie rose]

Each of our kids gets one gift from me, one gift from dad and one gift from Santa. We've also done a Christmas Eve gift of new PJs and a book to open before bed on years we could afford it. The dollar amount on each kid is rarely the same. This year I spent a grand total of $25 on my 3yo, I'm happy I got her things she will love and did so for such a small amount (mostly because of some great sales). Her older siblings are getting a large combined gift from Santa this year. There is no way I'm spending another $150 on my 3yo just for the sake of fairness. We put candy in their stockings so I just buy several big bags and some candy canes and divide it evenly.

 

Holidays at our house do not excuse bad or rude behavior. A child sincerely just wants to know why another sibling had one more gift and asked discreetly and kindly would be gently reminded that it's not in the spirit of Christmas to count presents they've been given and if I think they are old enough to understand I might explain why the other child had an additional gift. A child who rudely points out the difference or throws a fit would most definitely be punished for such an offense. They are not allowed to make everyone miserable and uncomfortable at their perceived injustice especially on Christmas.

[eternalknot]

I don't do equal gifts, in terms of money OR number. It wasn't a conscious decision, it's just nothing I gave any thought to either way. I've never felt the draw to create a semblence of "fairness" to the kids, in any aspect of their lives. I guess that might be because I didn't grow up in that kind of household either. It's a non-issue for me; I don't remember ever being bothered that a sibling got more or more costly gifts. Maybe it's a personality thing.

 

Neither of my children has ever indicated that he or she was keeping score, so I'll assume it is also a non-issue for them at this point. They are four and nine. Their birthdays are a week apart so those are also celebrated within close enough proximity that a discrepency in gifts would be noted, if they were paying attention for it. The fact that they don't pay attention is probably rooted in their personalities, moreso than anything I've done as a parent IMO. But fairness is never something I consider or strive for in our home. Life isn't fair, and it would be remiss of me to prepare them as though it were.

 

I don't care if it's Christmas Day or not, if this were something that needed work on ... we'd work on it. Perhaps proactively (as in explaining how to show thanks and appreciation before the gift-giving happens) instead of reactively. Christmas would be the perfect time to work on this, as there will be a fair amount of practice to be had given the number of gifts!

[phathui5]

We don't attempt to make it even, in $ or in numbers. We just get things for each kid that we know they'll like.

[nukeswife]

We always have a budget of $$ we'll spend on each of our 3 kids. They know that even though the youngest may have more things to open that it all costs the same.

 

This is just a habit I got from my mom. She keeps a notebook in her purse to this day and makes sure it's and even $$ amount between my brother and I. She's even pulled out the notebook to show us from time to time, though we've never asked her too.

[Jill- OK]

I purchase with the wow factor in mind.

 

"Desire Quotient" is what I was going to say, lol.

 

We give each kid three gifts; a book, a group gift that's meant for all of them, with the one who will be most excited opening it, and a personal gift that they will really like.

 

I think the focus on being appreciative is most important; I don't know that I'd arrange my whole gift-giving scheme around how a child will react. They need to adjust to what's decided. (As long as that's reasonable, of course.)