Do you wish like crazy to post in a controversial thread, but

[LauraGB]

drive yourself crazy NOT posting because you are a conflict avoider?

 

I swear my fingers burn to type out a comment, but I'm entirely too non confrontational to post. Plus, I thoroughly enjoy a lot of the posters to whom I would be "arguing" with, so I don't want to start a conflict.

 

I'm weak, I know. But I like to come here for non judgemental relief.

 

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

[Joanne]

I'll share my over abundant, revealed and uncovered posting moxy with you! My cup runneth over. ;):D

[shalom22]

You are not alone.

[LauraGB]

:lol:

 

I think I feel the vibe! (referring to Joanne, forgot to quote)

[BigMamaBird]

No, you're not the only one.

 

Sometimes I really want to say something, usually because someone is just annoying me. But then I realize, it's the internet. I'm not going to waste energy arguing with someone who 1) bears no weight in my life 2) probably only wants to argue and doesn't really care to hear other opinions.

[runninmommy]

Nope. The older I get, the less I hold back.

 

Why muddle through nonsense?

 

Get to the point.

 

Either you agree or don't but don't stick yourself in the middle.

[BridgeTea]

I am a conflict-that-serves-no-purpose-to-me avoider. How's that? Maybe it's the middle child in me. :) It doesn't mean I don't have a strong opinion on real issues, it just means that I may read something in a forum, have a thought one way or another, then shrug and move on.

 

I could never say that I have felt the burning urge to type but hold back to the point of it bothering me.

[AuntieM]

I do enjoy reading the controversial threads. Not because I like to see posters taking shots at one another, but because such threads cause me to think through what I really believe about topics and valid points of view that may never have otherwise entered my sheltered little sphere.

[Georgiana Daniels]

LOL--many, many times I've wanted to post. But, like you, I'm non-confrontational. Add that to the fact that I have my name and picture on my profile which makes me feel super responsible with my words, moreso than if I were posting anonymously. (Not saying that everyone who posts anonymously is more inclined to jump into the fray, just saying how I would be:D Also not saying those who post in the contentious threads with their own face/name are not being responsible. Look--here's me trying to be non-confrontational!)

 

If only I had the moxie to start a ruckus even with my real mug on here;)

[amydavis]

You are not alone. I start to type something sometimes, and then think, hmmm... maybe I should just leave this alone!

[LauraGB]

I do enjoy reading the controversial threads. Not because I like to see posters taking shots at one another, but because such threads cause me to think through what I really believe about topics and valid points of view that may never have otherwise entered my sheltered little sphere.

Oh, I enjoy them, too - for that very reason! But there are some I would really like to share my opinion on, but I wouldn't dare even dip my big toe into.

 

(I'm not proud, but there it is.)

[Carol in Cal.]

Usually I avoid controversial threads. I tend to join them late if at all.

 

Often what moves me to join them is something that I think is egregiously wrong--just so so wrong that I can't let it lie. At least I try to sleep on it, though, and often the thread is gone by the time I decide to post. Which may, actually, be just as well.:lol:

[Georgiana Daniels]

:iagree:

 

Also, many times the thread is locked or deleted by the time I hop online at the end of the day. In my case, it's just as well....

[AuntieM]

Oh, I enjoy them, too - for that very reason! But there are some I would really like to share my opinion on, but I wouldn't dare even dip my big toe into.

 

(I'm not proud, but there it is.)

 

Yes, well, I am sitting there on the edge with you.

Pool boy, bring us a cold drink!

 

Or maybe just a tepid one, given the circumstances:glare::lol:

[Peek a Boo]

: handing y'all some extra thick rhino skin :

 

{{I've got plenty ;) }}

 

seriously? It's not uncommon to disagree vehemently w/ a poster in one thread and back them passionately in another. Many of us don't take the bickering too personally. Especially the ones you routinely see in the "controversial"

threads.

 

and for me, feel free to roll your eyes and tell me how very wrong I am, but you'll still buy me a coke :D

[Tangerine]

Oh, I enjoy them, too - for that very reason! But there are some I would really like to share my opinion on, but I wouldn't dare even dip my big toe into.

 

(I'm not proud, but there it is.)

 

I think the threads need people like you. If it's just overflowing with the confrontational, the voice of reason is sometimes hard to hear.

[Remudamom]

I don't mind confrontation and frequently look for it. And I don't even much care if I'm logical about it either.

[Denisemomof4]

MANY times I've wanted to ask a question but was nervous at the outcome of the thread.... so I've avoided. I also hate to cause the moderators, who are very generous of their time for all of us, extra work to have to delete, close threads, ban people for awhile, etc.

[OnTheBrink]

I don't mind confrontation and frequently look for it. And I don't even much care if I'm logical about it either.

 

One of your many charms. LOL

 

Many times I hold back because what I'd have to say would never in a million years be read as I intended, and it's not worth it.

[OneRoomSchoolHouse]

I swear my fingers burn to type out a comment, but I'm entirely too non confrontational to post. Plus, I thoroughly enjoy a lot of the posters to whom I would be "arguing" with, so I don't want to start a conflict.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Daisy]

I think it depends on my mood. I'm getting better at typing out everything I want to say, just letting it all hang out, and then hitting DELETE. LOL.

[AuntieM]

I don't mind confrontation and frequently look for it. And I don't even much care if I'm logical about it either.

 

 

And then there are the times that I don't need to even consider getting involved cuz Remudamom has gone and said all there is to be said!!!

 

(I do always enjoy your posts, y'know!)

[ereks mom]

drive yourself crazy NOT posting because you are a conflict avoider?

 

I swear my fingers burn to type out a comment, but I'm entirely too non confrontational to post. Plus, I thoroughly enjoy a lot of the posters to whom I would be "arguing" with, so I don't want to start a conflict.

 

I'm weak, I know. But I like to come here for non judgemental relief.

 

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

 

;) Sometimes, though, I go ahead and post, but I do try to word my post to be as sweet and unthreatening as possible and still make my point.

[Rosie_0801]

Oh, I enjoy them, too - for that very reason! But there are some I would really like to share my opinion on, but I wouldn't dare even dip my big toe into.

 

(I'm not proud, but there it is.)

 

 

You won't get better if you don't practice! Heheheheh.

 

:D

Rosie

[Tree House Academy]

My issue is more "getting caught up in the drama" than not being able to respond. Both are bad. LOL

[GWOB]

I do have to hold back for many reasons.

 

1) I have not been here as long as most other posters, so I do not understand all the subtle nuances in speech. I may just be misunderstanding someone.

 

2) I have a B.S. degree. I was in the gifted program all my life. You ladies make me feel dumb. I feel like if I am not an authority on a subject I should just shut up.

 

3) Was it Mark Twain that said "Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt?" This applies to me.

 

With all that said, I do learn a great deal from you guys. I am a horrible lurker and am trying my best to connect with others, but the controversial threads are not the best opportunity to make friends.

[kalanamak]

 

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

 

I usually want to say something sarcastic that will clack people's heads together.

[GWOB]

I usually want to say something sarcastic that will clack people's heads together.

 

:iagree: Sarcasm is my middle name. Most people do not like that. Therefore, I shut up.

[Rose in BC]

And interestingly, irl I am known to love controversy. I certainly don't shy away from entering into debates regardless how hot they are. For some reason I do not feel completely free to post to controversial threads even though I have plenty to say! :001_smile: (I'd venture to say my family would be shocked to here this.)

[swellmomma]

Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't, depends on what else is going on my life. Sometimes putting my 2 cents in on a controversial thread lets off enough steam for me to carry on in other areas of my life. Other tiems I am content yelling my opinions out loud at the computer screen and avoid typing them out ;)

[Jolash]

drive yourself crazy NOT posting because you are a conflict avoider?

 

I swear my fingers burn to type out a comment, but I'm entirely too non confrontational to post. Plus, I thoroughly enjoy a lot of the posters to whom I would be "arguing" with, so I don't want to start a conflict.

 

I'm weak, I know. But I like to come here for non judgemental relief.

 

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

 

I don't post unless I have something to add to the discussion. I've found in my 4+ years of visiting these forums that almost anything devolves into controversy around here and, at the risk of starting one, it's usually the same posters who get it started. It's just not worth it to me to get into it with people I only know in the virtual world. But now that I think about it, I don't know that it's worth it to get into with my IRL friends either. I'm confident enough in my own beliefs/values etc to not need validation one way or the other. Life's too busy and short for all this arguing.

[Peela]

I don't mind a bit of controversy......I don't take what is said here to seriously or too much to heart, usually. It's all play, even when the issues are fairly serious.

The same old discussions and controversies can get old...but the years of reading and posting here have helped me refine my viewpoints, and opened my mind to others' viewpoints, so it's all good.

[Ibbygirl]

The same old discussions and controversies can get old...but the years of reading and posting here have helped me refine my viewpoints, and opened my mind to others' viewpoints, so it's all good.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: You've just expressed perfectly the way I feel. Sometimes the controversies drive me batty, but I learn so much here too that it keeps me coming back. That and that I've met some people whose company I enjoy very much and I would miss them too much. :)

[Mrs. Frankweiler]

I've started a few controversial threads in my short time here. (relatively speaking.)

 

I had no idea they would get as controversial and snarky as they got. Again, this is probably due to my inexperience here and I had no idea my little post would start such a firestorm.

 

I've started a couple of threads because IRL I'm fed up with something I've seen or heard. I have (wrongly?) used the forum as a sounding board, almost as an attempt to ask, "Am I the only one who feels like this? Is there anyone out there like me?" At which point, the controversy starts with a few (or sometimes many) others who try to convince me that 1)yes, I am the only one and 2)I'm wrong for my opinions.

 

In my limited experience, I've learned the start of the thread has a lot to do with it. Start off with a question without giving your true opinion (How do you guys feel about_____________?) and the thread has a better chance of becoming a true debate rather than a mean-spirited catfight. Start off with something like, "I can't stand the way people do this________________" and you're in for a wild ride. This is probably obvious to most people, but it took me a while to figure it out. I've also learned that even if you have a question or issue that seems benign, someone out there will not agree with you, almost like this:

"The sky is blue."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

Then it starts to go downhill like this:

"Only narrow minded people would think that the sky is blue. We free thinkers are a lot more accepting of things."

"Why do you call me narrow minded just because I have an opinion?"

"You're fat and ugly." (not really....but sometimes it feels like they might as well say this!)

 

Sound familiar? I can see why joining such a thread may take some pretty thick skin. Of which I do not have, and my feelings have been hurt in some of these threads. But, my skin is getting thicker. I could never, never deal such a catty exchange in real life. I would start to cry right in front of you. This isn't good either. Sometimes the controversial threads help me get a little tougher, so that when an uncomfortable situation comes up in real life, I'm more likely to stand up for myself rather than just cower away in the corner. I'd rather practice arguing with my "pretend" friends than actually argue with the people I have to see everyday, whether they're my friends or not. I can ignore my computer, but it's a lot harder to ignore my next-door neighbor.

 

So, I've learned if I can give my opinion, others can give theirs as well...and I might really, really oppose it. If I start a thread, I feel it's my duty (?) to stick it out and defend my point, and if someone gets a little snarky with me I'll call them on it (and they'll certainly call me on it as well.)

 

Finally, one of the best things about being in a controversial thread is that it gets me out of my bubble. I (and many others, probably) tend to stick around like-minded people. This is not being narrowminded--it's just the reality of life. There's a whole other world out there. Listening to the other side does help me see a bunch of different perspectives. I probably won't be persuaded to join the other side, but it does help me be a little more compassionate. I hope "the other side" maybe learns a little about my perspective as well.

 

(sorry for my rambling post!)

[MamaT]

I love reading the contraversial threads, but can't bring myself to post. I am pretty non-confrontational, unless someone is messing with my kids. The contraversial threads have made me think about things in a deeper way and I really love hearing the differing opinions and viewpoints. I'm just too chicken to get in the middle of it.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

drive yourself crazy NOT posting because you are a conflict avoider?

 

I swear my fingers burn to type out a comment, but I'm entirely too non confrontational to post. Plus, I thoroughly enjoy a lot of the posters to whom I would be "arguing" with, so I don't want to start a conflict.

 

I'm weak, I know. But I like to come here for non judgemental relief.

 

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

 

Yes. Every day. There are some topics I wish I could reasonably discuss without any drama ensuing. I hate the feeling of being attacked, I'd rather just keep my opinions to myself. I'ts amazing how much calmer I am when I don't even open a controversial thread. :001_smile:

 

Am I a conflict avoider? Youbetcha. I am a conflict avoider that loves to learn and grow in my own sweet time. I guess I'll just stay that way.

Edited October 5, 2009 by Virginia Dawn

[Scarlett]

drive yourself crazy NOT posting because you are a conflict avoider?

 

I swear my fingers burn to type out a comment, but I'm entirely too non confrontational to post. Plus, I thoroughly enjoy a lot of the posters to whom I would be "arguing" with, so I don't want to start a conflict.

 

I'm weak, I know. But I like to come here for non judgemental relief.

 

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

 

I seldom really keep up with who I am actually 'arguing' with. So in other words, let's say you like me and disagree with me.....the next time I see a post from LauraGB I'm not very likely to think, 'oh she is the one who thinks I should stop breastfeeding my 9 yearold! Hmfp!'

 

I do remember the personalities and lives and opinions of some long time posters, but even then I rarely feel personally attacked. When my religion is attacked I feel squirmish, but that is about it.

[kpupg]

drive yourself crazy NOT posting because you are a conflict avoider?

 

I swear my fingers burn to type out a comment, but I'm entirely too non confrontational to post. Plus, I thoroughly enjoy a lot of the posters to whom I would be "arguing" with, so I don't want to start a conflict.

 

I'm weak, I know. But I like to come here for non judgemental relief.

 

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

 

Yup. Also, what I want to say has already been said, usually. So I would just be yakking, which I abhor as much as confrontation.

 

ETA: BigMama Bird made a comment about "it's just the internet," which also comes into play for me. Let's be honest -- very few of us know each other IRL, so it's not the same situation as an IRL relationship. Many times I draw back from joining in when I remember "it's just the internet -- I don't even know these people, who cares what I think or what they think?" I don't mean that in an offensive way; just in a reality-adjusting way. I hope that makes sense.

 

:grouphug:

Karen

Edited October 5, 2009 by kpupg

[Tiff in TX]

I love to read them, but I don't like to post.

 

I figure if it is a topic that I feel so strongly about and have such passion for then I am not going change/alter my feelings about it, so why get in a persuasive discussion with people of distenting views who also aren't likely to change their stance.

 

I prefer to debate in person. One of my closest friends is the polar opposite of me when it comes to most topics and she feeds my need to banter back and forth with someone who is clearly wrong:lol:

[KidsHappen]

Nope. The older I get, the less I hold back.

 

 

 

:iagree:

[KidsHappen]

: seriously? It's not uncommon to disagree vehemently w/ a poster in one thread and back them passionately in another. Many of us don't take the bickering too personally. Especially the ones you routinely see in the "controversial" threads.:D

 

I absolutely find this to be the case. I can't think of a single poster that I always disagree with nor many that I always agree with.

[KidsHappen]

I seldom really keep up with who I am actually 'arguing' with. So in other words, let's say you like me and disagree with me.....the next time I see a post from LauraGB I'm not very likely to think, 'oh she is the one who thinks I should stop breastfeeding my 9 yearold! Hmfp!'

 

I do remember the personalities and lives and opinions of some long time posters, but even then I rarely feel personally attacked. When my religion is attacked I feel squirmish, but that is about it.

 

I also find this to be the case. I can only recall two of three incidents where I actually remember a disagreement with a specific person regarding a specific issue and in every single on of those cases it was because it was something that cut too close to the bone for me and I personally let my emotions get the better of me. I try not to engage in issues like that.

[sassenach]

No, you're not the only one.

 

Sometimes I really want to say something, usually because someone is just annoying me. But then I realize, it's the internet. I'm not going to waste energy arguing with someone who 1) bears no weight in my life 2) probably only wants to argue and doesn't really care to hear other opinions.

 

That's my big reason. Participating in those threads takes time and energy. It is really pointless for me to pour my time and energy onto an internet board. In the end, what do you really gain? Most of my posts here are short and take very little mental energy. I will put more effort in if I feel like I can truely help someone, but otherwise I try not to get sucked in.

[KidsHappen]

I don't mind confrontation and frequently look for it. And I don't even much care if I'm logical about it either.

 

Yes, I always check the thread to see if Remudamom as already spoken because if so then she has probably already said what I would have said. There are a few others that I feel the same way about.

[Impish]

I tend to heavily edit what my initial response is. I'm very aware that nuances aren't evident in typing, and so edit in order to ensure (or attempt to) that its not coming across as an attack or insult of another poster. Disagree, sure, but appropriately, in regards to the idea/subject at hand.

 

I learn to like some folks while debating, and that tends to stick...regardless of if I'd agreed with them during the debate or not. Otherwise, it doesn't follow me around to different threads. Just because I don't agree with someone on something doesn't mean I dislike them at all.

[PinkInTheBlue]

I'd love to contribute more often to conversations of opinion and thought but I just don't take the time. However, the moment the people who attack and accuse start jumping in, I'm completely uninterested. If someone can't respond with thought and respect, they're just a trouble starter. If someone's opinion is different than mine, even radically different, I love to talk about it and hear about it. It's immature to me when it turns into a "you're wrong and stupid" conversation among grown adults.

 

I despise confrontation because I believe it's seldom necessary and nearly never profitable. Usually discussion and conversation gets you much further and you come out knowing more.

[mammaruss]

I do enjoy reading the controversial threads. Not because I like to see posters taking shots at one another, but because such threads cause me to think through what I really believe about topics and valid points of view that may never have otherwise entered my sheltered little sphere.

:iagree:

 

I really do get irritated (and fingers itch) when someone posts asking for advice.....and then gets upset with the responses they get back!! Everyone does have a right to their own opinion-especially when it was asked for! It does not mean the poster has to agree with the advice given--but they should be courteous to the person that took the time to respond to their post!;)