Mom-ninja. Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 A friend of mine told me that her husband explained to her that every time he encounters another man, he wants to physically fight them. Even if he's just passing the man in a store aisle or on the sidewalk. He says he feels this aggression toward every man unless the man is a good friend. She mentioned to me that she feels this is normal for males, and that she bets a lot of men feel this way. She would like feedback from others. So ask your male partners if they feel physically aggressive towards other men. She would like complete honesty. My DH is out of town in training so I have to wait until he calls tonight to ask him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My dh said no. There is something wrong with her husband. He added that he finds that idea disturbing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingM Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My dh said no. There is something wrong with her husband. He added that he finds that idea disturbing. I'm a man and I also find this disturbing. I very rarely feel aggressive feelings toward someone and generally only when someone like the person above makes hostile moves toward me or my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My dh and step-father both said that they do not feel that way. One said that this guy has some problems, the other said it sounds like he's suffering from some male superiority (or inferiority?) issue, where he feels he has to prove something to someone from his past, possibly his father. My step-father did admit that he has felt that way, but only toward a new boy on the scene interested in one of his daughters! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdie Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 (edited) My youngest is like that if someone challenges him. When there is a conflict his natural instinct is to fight and conquer. I call it the alpha dog syndrome. He doesn't care how old they are, how big they are or the reason. If someone disses him he wants to take them down physically. Sometimes I think I am raising Attila the Hun's ancestor. My dh and oldest are peacemakers so they don't get him sometimes. Is it really all the time or just when he feels threatened? Edited September 3, 2009 by Ferdie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Disturbing. My DH only describes feeling aggression toward another man if that man is a wife-beater, child abuser, puppy kicker, etc. Basically, he in inclined toward agression if the man in question is agressive/abusive to others, not to men in general. I find it disturbing that this man wants to fight every man he sees, even if he currently resists the urge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My husband does not feel physically aggressive toward every man he encounters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I didn't ask dh, but the only time I've ever seen him get into a state that could be called agressive is when someone cuts him off on the freeway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Dh is at work, so I can't ask him yet, but I know him well enough to know that he does not feel that way! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 (edited) A friend of mine told me that her husband explained to her that every time he encounters another man, he wants to physically fight them. Even if he's just passing the man in a store aisle or on the sidewalk. He says he feels this aggression toward every man unless the man is a good friend. She mentioned to me that she feels this is normal for males, and that she bets a lot of men feel this way. She would like feedback from others. So ask your male partners if they feel physically aggressive towards other men. She would like complete honesty. My DH is out of town in training so I have to wait until he calls tonight to ask him. Are you sure he wasn't trying to show his wife how tough he was? Maybe in his own mistaken way he was trying to turn her on? That is just so weird. Edited September 3, 2009 by True Blue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Like others have stated, the only time Wolf is prone to a violent reaction is when it comes to abuse, be it against women, children, or animals. He has said, many times, that if an idiot driver or drunk driver ever caused an accident that hurt/killed his wife and kids, he would crawl over to the other driver if need be, and blame any forthcoming injuries on the accident. I wouldn't call him aggressive. Protective to the nth degree, sure, but not aggressive. Aggression tends to imply that they're willing to take on anyone for any or no reason. Wolf only has aggressive tendencies when it comes to protecting the vulnerable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vettechmomof2 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My hubby thinks there is a problem with that man. And I have to say I do as well. I asked my brother and father and both agreed there is something strange with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My DH said he felt like this in the beginning of our relationship due to jealousy, he said he just couldn't stand the idea of any man (looking at me) He now after 23 years is just glad I stuck with him during all his stupid insecurities:D I ask my dad just to hear a older mans opinion (63). He said he felt like this when he returned from Vietnam. He said he really was hyped up with anger. He said really just wanted to knock down every man he saw. He spend plenty of time in bars doing just that. He thinks the guy has anger issues that need therapy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 DH answers: Not in the least. That isn't normal and the guy should seek help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 No way. I would question if he has anger problems or has had steroid use ('roid rage). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Dh is at work, so I can't ask him yet, but I know him well enough to know that he does not feel that way! This is my answer too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Wow, no. I find that bizarre. The only time dh has expressed a desire for physical aggression was when he felt his family (me or the children) was threatened in some way. There have been maybe 2-3 instances over the years when he felt that way (but never acted on it). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pip Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 (edited) Well, dh is pretty easy going, so no. However, if he feels his loved ones are in danger, or anyone/thing is being abused, I can see the testosterone kicking in. But not just because there is another guy present. I find this always-ready-for-a-fight thing disturbing. Edited September 3, 2009 by Pip Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 No, dh doesn't feel that way. He says when he was younger he would wonder who would win in a fight when he met new men, but admits that was immaturity on his part and he never fought with someone without provocation. How old is this other person? Maybe he just needs to grow up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wagnfun Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 A friend of mine told me that her husband explained to her that every time he encounters another man, he wants to physically fight them. Even if he's just passing the man in a store aisle or on the sidewalk. He says he feels this aggression toward every man unless the man is a good friend. She mentioned to me that she feels this is normal for males, and that she bets a lot of men feel this way. She would like feedback from others. So ask your male partners if they feel physically aggressive towards other men. She would like complete honesty. My DH is out of town in training so I have to wait until he calls tonight to ask him. My dh said not unless said man gives me a reason to fight him. So, no he does not feel that agression everytime he passes another male. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangerdad Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Very strange. I say this as someone who used to have a short fuse. I never felt this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillieBoy Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Wow, that's scary. Same as other posters my husband only feels aggressive when persons weaker, be it women, children, or animals are in danger and can not fend for themselves. But even then it is something very controllable, he would not to act upon something that would in turn endanger his family. I think this man has some issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 No for my dh, unless the man is ogleing (spelling, sorry) the dcs or myself. He did say there are some guys that seem to let off a vibe, like they're simmering, just busting for a fight. He doesn't feel violent towards them, so much as wary and a little part of him says, 'touch me, c'mon, I'll wipe the floor with you, give me a reason,' but it's not an every guy thing. I will admit, having seen guys like that, that part of me wants to kick em' in the hoohas and run, lol, but I think it's more fight and flight than anything else. I didn't ask dh, but the only time I've ever seen him get into a state that could be called agressive is when someone cuts him off on the freeway. Okay, well, in that case, I'm in your dh's boat. I'm working on it though :rofl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 That man needs help. His feelings are not normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I don't even have to ask him to know the answer to this one. We've talked about this sort of thing (male aggression) in the past. My dh is very gentle. He's the type of person to calm people down, not want to fight them. He would find that idea despicable. The idea of some guy out there wanting to beat up every other man he sees is ridiculous. Like some sort of billy goat or moose or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Does your friend's husband ever act on these urges? I find the thought of someone walking around like that very disturbing. I have to wonder if he wasn't just messing with his wife, or, as a pp said, trying to turn her on in some bizarre way! No, my husband said he would never feel the urge to fight someone unless he felt me or the kids were in danger. In any case, it's not an aggression thing, it is a protection thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cricket Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My dh said he would fight this guy anytime, anywhere. :lol: Before dh and I met, when he was younger, he got into many, many fights. He had an abusive upbringing and definite anger issues! He felt threatened by many people even though a "normal" person wouldn't have felt threatened in the same situation. He still won't sit in a restaurant without his back to the wall. When we are in a group situation he always picks out someone he doesn't like or trust. He knows it's silly but it is just a sad reminder of his past. At least he he limits it to one person and not *everyone* he meets. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Thanks everyone. I'll share the responses with her. My DH does not think it is normal either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My dh's comment was, "That guy has issues." He is 6'3", played hockey, has broken several arms and noses in fights that others started, but doesn't feel aggression towards random men he sees. When the situation demands it, he can be aggressive. For example, when he was 17, two teens tried to jump him with a knife outside a darkened restaurant. He broke one guy's arm, sent them running, and kept the knife! He generally rolls his eyes when guys get into one-up-manship, show-off-who is-tougher mode. He IS very protective of me (walks next to the curb, broke the nose of a jerk who falsely claimed to have slept with me when we were engaged, etc.) It sounds like this guy has some sort of insecurity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lvbnhome Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 It happens with Roosters and Bulls... Why wouldn't it be any different with a human being? Something chemical maybe? I think it is normal to a point, but obviously we have the ability to reason and know punching out every man the guy met...probably wouldn't be such a good idea.. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My dh said he has never felt this way against a total stranger who was not bothering him or his family. He is the opposite, really. He will gladly stop the car to help another man fix his own, etc. I find what her husband said to be very disturbing. It reminds me of male dogs who aren't neutered. I don't mean that rudely....perhaps he is having a testosterone issue???? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brehon Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 So, I'm on duty right now and called dh to see what he would say. After the long pause which screamed "WHAT? Have you finally lost what was left of your mind? Oh, you must be on 'the boards' again" :lol: he answered the question. As I thought, he's on the "Wow. I think that guy has issues" side. And, just because my dh is a wee bit older (50), I asked both my partner (35) and my fire crew (4 of them - all under 30). All of them agreed that those were not normal feelings for a guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E_Edgerton Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 This is definitely not a typical feeling or way to behave. My dh said this is very disturbing indeed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jayfromcleveland Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I think this wrong and it also seems troubling. But if you ask any guy, I'm sure the majority will tell you that, at some point in their lives, they saw a guy they just wanted to punch -- as though the guy had a very "punchable" face. I'd be a liar if I didn't admit this myself. My wife and I watch LOST, and frankly, I feel that way about the character of Ben Linus. I'm sure the actor Michael Emerson is a very nice person, but when Ben comes on the screen, I just want to punch him! But this partly good acting and good writing, and well executed, since the character is utterly despicable on a visceral level. As far as male aggression and the typical negative response from women is concerned, that's the way God made us, ladies! We're just not women! We don't expect you to be like us, so please understand that we're not like you! Don't get mad at us for liking movies with car chases and explosions, and we'll try real hard to not laugh at you for getting all weepy while watching "Titanic." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My wife and I watch LOST, and frankly, I feel that way about the character of Ben Linus. I'm sure the actor Michael Emerson is a very nice person, but when Ben comes on the screen, I just want to punch him! But this partly good acting and good writing, and well executed, since the character is utterly despicable on a visceral level. OT: I saw Michael Emerson at Whole Foods one day! People were looking at him but nobody approached him, it was like he was traveling in a bubble. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 But if you ask any guy, I'm sure the majority will tell you that, at some point in their lives, they saw a guy they just wanted to punch -- as though the guy had a very "punchable" face. I'd be a liar if I didn't admit this myself. :lol: My dh has used that *exact* term before! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macrina Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I wouldn't think so much that the guy "needs help" or "has issues" as much as a chemical imbalance. Not necessarily his fault. I think his wife should be proud that he shared this with her and made himself so vulnerable. I also think he should start fencing, playing basketball and boxing 3x a week! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Mine doesn't feel aggressive. He thinks that is odd and if your friends dh feels that way then maybe something is wrong with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 A friend of mine told me that her husband explained to her that every time he encounters another man, he wants to physically fight them. Even if he's just passing the man in a store aisle or on the sidewalk. He says he feels this aggression toward every man unless the man is a good friend. She mentioned to me that she feels this is normal for males, and that she bets a lot of men feel this way. She would like feedback from others. So ask your male partners if they feel physically aggressive towards other men. She would like complete honesty. My DH is out of town in training so I have to wait until he calls tonight to ask him. Ewww, I hope not!! I would be really shocked and dismayed if my dh said he feels that way!! I will ask him when he gets home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I asked Wolf. He said no way, and this guy is headed for jail if he doesn't calm down. He also said he got in a lot of fights when he was 18 or so. He used to be quite a pool player, and won a fair bit of money now and then from guys who weren't pleased to lose...and also for saying Hi to a female that he didn't know was with someone. As he put it, "I said 'Hi' not grabbed her butt or anything" with a bewildered look on his face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 He says insecure men get aggressive. My dh says when he was 20 he felt that way against other males once in awhile. He adds that man has issues and no, he doesn't want to fight him. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 She would like feedback from others. So ask your male partners if they feel physically aggressive towards other men. She would like complete honesty. I have met two males like that. Both were in restraints A LOT, and both were heavily medicated. Your friends hubby needs to "get out more", as the saying goes. My hubby has never been "in a fight". He was more muscly than most as a kid, and no one challenged him. A drunk BIL once walloped him on his ear, but he didn't strike back. "Not worth my time" he said. He said his wild yahoo-ride-unbroke-horses sister used to wallop him to see if she could GET him to fight. Until her death in her 50's she was still sometimes slamming the phone down on him. He'd chuckle and get on with life. (The slamming down I witnessed was when my hubby would not agree that Jefferson's Dec of Ind was divine words coming through his pen. :)) I once saw a man who absolutely loathed hubby make a sarcastic remarks about his severe lack of education. Hubby's daughter had gotten some honors level award at her HS graduation and this man, in front of a lot of people, finally poked hubby in the ribs and asked "what the best thing you ever did was, huh? Huh?" Hubby stepped back and said "The greatest thing I ever did was take my first breath". Luckily that shut him up, because I was about to start shouting. Really, I'm more likely to wallop a male than hubby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pongo Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 My dh said, "I think this guy has a problem and obviously a bad attitude". He said maybe this man is intimidated by other men, and thinks is disturbing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petepie2 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 My DH said "Uh...No!.....now if some man slapped my kid in Walmart, that would be another story!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macrina Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 DH says: <snort> no, I just want to hit women. Jeeze, talk about sarcasm in bad taste! He says he has only felt like hitting another guy a handful of times over the course of his life, mostly at school, when another guys was being a jerk. But he couldn't pin down more specifics then that. Then when asked what he thought about the guy in question: "He wants to hit every guy? I think he has something going on." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 My dh said no. There is something wrong with her husband. He added that he finds that idea disturbing. My dh and my stepfather both said no way and think that there is something wrong with this man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 My dh said no; he doesn't think this is natural and finds it disturbing, also. Janet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Not my dh. He doesn't want to fight anyone ever. However, he is certainly not timid. He would fight easily if he really needed to. He likes action movies, gets angry enough at the tv. etc. However, he hasn' fought in adulthood and certainly would not without provocation and since he is active duty, not even with mild provocation. We plan to go to the giant Sept. 12th march on Washington and we will not be getting into fights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 DH answers: Not in the least. That isn't normal and the guy should seek help. :iagree: Please understand, this IS. NOT. NORMAL. and encourage this man to seek help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 (edited) My husband and I spoke about this again just now. He says the guy sounds like a psychopath and needs anger management. He says it sounds like an angry version of a sex addict. eta: Hubby also says fighting is too physically draining for him to want to fight everyone. Edited September 4, 2009 by Mrs Mungo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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