What are your "rules" for teen girls' clothing?

[Perry]

My girls are pushing it when it comes to clothing. This hasn't been a hill I wanted to die on in the past, but if I don't set some standards we're going to be in trouble. We're going shopping for school clothes today and I need some guidelines.

 

I'm curious how others set limits.

[Nestof3]

I don't have girls, but all of my friends do. I am close to some of their daughters as well, and what I've seen is that when the daughters understood the effect of clothing (or the lack of it), the daughters were mature enough in their teen years to shun certain styles because of their effect.

 

I've always thought rules should go hand-in-hand with understanding, once a child is old enough to understand.

 

If I had daugthers, the "rules" would be:

 

nothing low-cut

nothing tight or that purposefully accentuates/draws attention to the breast

no tight bottoms

nothing shorter than calf length

Edited July 31, 2009 by nestof3

[Tap]

I have a 10yo but here are a few friends rules:

 

No spaghetti straps...straps must be 1" or wider and cover all parts of a bra. The only exception is a tank designed to be worn under something else or to create a layered effect. Violations of this rule mean the shirt goes in the garbage.

 

 

Shirts must cover all skin when the arms are lifted over the head.

 

Shorts much come to the knuckles on the hand, when put on and the arms laid straight down.

 

Skirts, in the same position as above must come to the finger tips (since there is no fabric between the legs).

 

Shoes must not have soles smaller that the heal. (no pumps, wedges etc unless it is for dress)

 

Coats must come to the waist line of pants when arms are lifted up. (colder climates may have diff rules.)

 

No designs with words like Diva, Princess, Hottie, Kiss... anything that signifies a bratty attitude, sex or inappropriate behavior. A general guideline is 'would you be embarrass for the pastor, grandparent, ect to see you in it, then the answer is no'.

 

No prints that have scary looking designs (mainly boys t's with skulls or the like).

 

No dry clean only fabrics.

 

No hang to dry fabrics.

 

No sun dresses for school.

 

Nothing with pre made holes.

 

No gang colors if you live in a heavy gang area.

 

It must match with something to buy it. Don't figure something will come along and go great with purple pants. Put them on hold if you want to, and look at other stores to find the perfect top. But don't just buy random things and hope that you will find something later.

 

Winter shoes must be appropriate for winter. Just because you are willing to only own flip flops in Montana doesn't mean we are buying 5 pair and no winter shoes.

 

Must be able to put your hand under a shirt and not see the knuckles of the hand. (Speaks to the tightness of the shirt)

 

Bras/underwear must be neutral colors or not Ever be seen.

 

Pants can be low rise (only with a belt)...but not ultra low, micro, or so low that you can see low rise panties. Have them wear the lowest rise panties you will allow to see where they fall in the store. Have them face away from you and squat down to see the pantie area and then have them stand.

 

Socks can not be hand wash. Angora socks are cozy but not practical.

[FriedClams]

I would recommend working through this article with your girls and having some really honest discussions. At the bottom is a Modesty Checklist (you can find it here in .pdf) that includes items like

 

"· The same check is needed if I am wearing sleeveless. When I move around can I see my bra? If I do, I need the pins again!

 

· Am I wearing a spaghetti-strap, halter-top or see-through blouse? Not even pins will fix this problem! Most guys find these very unhelpful. It’s time to go back to the closet.

· Can I see the lace or seam of my bra through my shirt? In this case, seamless bras are a better option. ...

· Does my midriff (or underwear) show when I bend over or lift my hands? If so, is it because my skirt or my pants are too low? Either my shirt needs to be longer or I need to find a skirt or pants that sit higher."

 

I would also recommend reading through the Modesty Survey results with them so they can see what affects boys and why their decisions are so important.

[MamaSheep]

My daughter isn't a teen yet, but we feel it's important to set the same modesty standards when she is little that we will expect from her when she is a teen. If she's covered up her whole life it will feel strange to her to be more exposed (among other things).

 

Clothing must come to the knee, it must have sleeves, no low-cut fronts or backs, tummies must be covered, and not too tight.

[Carol in Cal.]

My rules are:

1. No spaghetti straps unless layered with other tops.

2. No showing of bra material at all.

3. No tank tops (unless layered), but sleeveless shells are OK. For in between styles, the main criteria is whether an errant bra strap shows with motion.

4. No midriff tops.

5. No short, tight, shorts. Tight longer shorts are OK, as are loose shorts that are pretty short but not THAT short. Bottom line--it's a judgment call, and I am the judge.

6. No blue jeans in church.

7. No writing on the behind area. None at all. I HATE that.

8. Graphics are fine, but gory stuff or skulls are not.

9. Just because a skirt is a skort doesn't mean it can be very, very short. If it looks like a skirt, it should be just about long enough to function as a skirt.

10. No halter tops.

 

I hasten to add, I do want my DD to be able to feel good about her looks and clothes. To support that I encourage her appropriate self-esteem, compliment her, and buy her nicer clothes than I wear myself. I wish to teach her that she can be elegant and attractive without being revealing, and I think that she is getting the message. She feels unfairly restricted because all of the other children in our church have looser standards than she does. I believe that she knows, though, that I'm really not trying to make her look ugly or frumpy; and that I do recognize that there is nothing wrong with wanting to look attractive.

Edited July 31, 2009 by Carol in Cal.
Want to put in the positive side

[LibraryLover]

I never though of having rules.

Edited August 5, 2009 by LibraryLover

[Jugglin'5]

My rules are:

1. No spaghetti straps unless layered with other tops.

2. No showing of bra material at all.

3. No tank tops (unless layered), but sleeveless shells are OK. For in between styles, the main criteria is whether an errant bra strap shows with motion.

4. No midriff tops.

5. No short, tight, shorts. Tight longer shorts are OK, as are loose shorts that are pretty short but not THAT short. Bottom line--it's a judgment call, and I am the judge.

6. No blue jeans in church.

7. No writing on the behind area. None at all. I HATE that.

8. Graphics are fine, but gory stuff or skulls are not.

9. Just because a skirt is a skort doesn't mean it can be very, very short. If it looks like a skirt, it should be just about long enough to function as a skirt.

10. No halter tops.

 

I hasten to add, I do want my DD to be able to feel good about her looks and clothes. To support that I encourage her appropriate self-esteem, compliment her, and buy her nicer clothes than I wear myself. I wish to teach her that she can be elegant and attractive without being revealing, and I think that she is getting the message. She feels unfairly restricted because all of the other children in our church have looser standards than she does. I believe that she knows, though, that I'm really not trying to make her look ugly or frumpy; and that I do recognize that there is nothing wrong with wanting to look attractive.

 

 

Very similar standards here. I do allow tank tops as long as the bra straps are completely covered and it is not low cut. DD usually layers them, which is even better.

[Rebecca VA]

We don't have modesty issues here; we have vanity ones, LOL. I've always splurged in the clothes area for my daughter, since she's my only girl, and now she's become a little too accustomed to many beautiful outfits every season. When she threw a fit last spring because she only had two church outfits to last all summer (she wears church clothes three hours per week), I knew it was time for a change.

 

Her clothes this fall and winter are new, plentiful, comfortable, but BORING. Long skirts in khaki, denim, black, and brown. Attractive but dull tops and sweaters. Her church and cotillion dresses are (gasp) hand-me-downs. I've told her that if she wants trendier clothes, she'll have to sew or knit them herself.

 

I wouldn't be this restrictive normally; I like to see girls looking their best. However, vanity is more unattractive than the most boring of clothing, and we need to deal with that. Plus, I really want her to get creative and use her skills to design and make her own clothes!

[TxMama]

Shirts must cover a regular bra and not show a midriff/low back with arms above the heads or cleavage if bending over.

 

Shorts/skirts must not show underwear while sitting.....either up top in the case of low-rider jeans or below in the case of a shorter skirt.

 

By these rules I'm totally ok with a tank (with wide enough straps for a bra strap) and a tighter thigh length short.

[ncmomo3]

3 dds here (ages in sig).

My girls are actually more conservative than I would require of their clothing. They always have been this way, and I have never needed to make any specific rules about clothing (fortunately). They kind of check out each other and make suggestions or ask for opinions. My biggest problem would be with cleavage showing, but no issues so far.:tongue_smilie:

[Veritaserum]

I plan on having the same rules my parents had:

 

• shorts/skirts must be to the kneecap or longer
  
• no tanks/straps/halters/sleeveless--must have cap-sleeves or longer
  
• no cleavage (wear a cami with deep V-necks)
  
• nothing skin tight
  
• shirts must cover waistband of pants/shorts/skirts
  
• underwear must be covered
  
• bathing suits must cover torso
  

ETA: My girls already dress by these standards. My oldest is 9. They are used to dressing this way, which will make it easier in the future, I think. :) I'm another one who dislikes the writing on bums or bratty phrases. Ugh. I stick to more classic styles--which makes it easier to hand the clothes down the line as well (I've got five dds).

Edited July 31, 2009 by Veritaserum

[Jill- OK]

I'm curious how others set limits.

 

Underwear is meant to wear under clothing.

 

Not too short, not too low, not too tight.

 

No belly buttons if you're not wearing a two-piece bathing suit. (Yes, two piece bathing suits are fine, as long as they have more material than string. :D)

 

Honestly, that's about it. But, my oldest daughter (teen, and the only one likely to make choices that would be questionable) is generally pretty conservative.

[lgm]

I go by the school dress code and add:

1) no gang labels, styles, or colors (this would be in 'we don't need trouble' category)

2) no flash (sequins, etc)

3) nothing ripped or with holes

4) must be daytime attire - nothing that looks like party wear or for the bedroom

5) only 1 peice of attire with a store name

6) swimsuit for gym is a modest one piece

7) no grungy jeans

[Tammy]

and I didn't either when I was a teen.

 

.

[Hoggirl]

does this mean that your daughters will be in a school? If so, is there not a dress code for the school? Even our public schools have some fairly stringent requirements for dressing. Even if you just mean clothes for home schooling, you could use another school's standards.

[Perry]

does this mean that your daughters will be in a school? If so, is there not a dress code for the school? Even our public schools have some fairly stringent requirements for dressing. Even if you just mean clothes for home schooling, you could use another school's standards.

 

They're going back to ps this fall. :sad:

Here's the dress code.

Dress Code

(Reference: Board See Policy 502.9)

Students are expected to adhere to standards of cleanliness and dress that are compatible with the requirements of a good learning

environment. The standards will be those generally acceptable to the community as appropriate in a school setting.

Students are expected to wear clothing appropriate for a public high school which does not disrupt the school or educational environment.

Clothing or other apparel promoting products illegal for use by minors and clothing displaying obscene material, profanity, or reference to

prohibited conduct are disallowed.

While the primary responsibility for appearance lies with the students and their parents/legal guardians, appearance disruptive to the

education program will not be allowed. When, in the judgment of the principal or designee, a student’s appearance is inappropriate, disrupts

the educational process or constitutes a threat to health/safety, the student may be required to make modifications.

Clothing should not show an inappropriate amount of bare skin. Shirts and shoes are to be worn while in the school building. Hats or any

head coverings are allowed in the hallway only. Hats are not to be worn in any classroom, study hall, commons, media center, auditorium or

any other instructional area during the school day. Coats should be kept in lockers during the school day. Gang “colors†or associated clothing

are prohibited.

 

We've never had "rules", and I had hoped I'd never need to. I don't like to micromanage. But I'm uncomfortable with some of the choices they've made recently, so I guess I have to come up with some limits.

 

Thanks to all for the ideas.

[LinRTX]

We have a fairly simple rule here. It must pass the Daddy inspection. This starts fairly young around here. The girls model for dad and if he thinks what they are wearing is too suggestive then it goes back to the store.

 

They love to model the clothes. And he explains why it is a problem if it is.

 

My girls are 20, 16, and 9. The 20 year old still values dad's opinion and likes to model, but she really can make her own decision. The 9yo likes to imitate sisters. This is just for the 16yo and after several years of doing this and seeing sisters do this, the girls make very good choices.

 

Linda

[readwithem]

My girls are pushing it when it comes to clothing. This hasn't been a hill I wanted to die on in the past, but if I don't set some standards we're going to be in trouble. We're going shopping for school clothes today and I need some guidelines.

 

I'm curious how others set limits.

 

You're probably back from your shopping trip but I like this article - lots of food for thought.

Women once complained about being reduced to sex objects. Now, their daughters are volunteering to be sex objects.

 

Also I like my dd's dance teachers' rules - they don't want to see the "3 b's" - boobs, belly buttons, and bottoms. :)

[readwithem]

My girls are pushing it when it comes to clothing. This hasn't been a hill I wanted to die on in the past, but if I don't set some standards we're going to be in trouble. We're going shopping for school clothes today and I need some guidelines.

 

I'm curious how others set limits.

 

You're probably back from your shopping trip but I like this article - lots of food for thought.

 

Also I like my dd's dance teachers' rules - they don't want to see the "3 b's" - boobs, belly buttons, and bottoms. :)

[Perry]

You're probably back from your shopping trip but I like this article - lots of food for thought.

 

Also I like my dd's dance teachers' rules - they don't want to see the "3 b's" - boobs, belly buttons, and bottoms. :)

 

Thanks! I think I'll have my dd read that.

[sassenach]

My rules (and I don't seem to be as strict as some here) are,

 

If you lift your arms up and I can see your belly, your shirt is too small.

 

If you put your hands down at your side and your shorts don't go past your fingertips, your shorts are too short.

 

I'm not super strict about tightness, it just hasn't been an issue yet. I also haven't had to cut down on cleavage because 1) dd doesn't have any, and 2) if I think through her shirts, I don't think she has a single one that dips at all. I'm sure we'll have to cross that bridge eventually. Dd is pretty modest, so most of our battles are about stuff that she's outgrown but still loves. The new stuff we have bought hasn't been a battle.

[Imprimis]

I don't care for pants or shorts with text across the rear. That's about my only rule. I have no problem with spaghetti straps, shorts, or skirts above the knee. My daughters have their own sense of style and I generally allow them to choose what suits them.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

By Tap, Tap, Tap

I have a 10yo but here are a few friends rules:

 

No spaghetti straps...straps must be 1" or wider and cover all parts of a bra. The only exception is a tank designed to be worn under something else or to create a layered effect. Violations of this rule mean the shirt goes in the garbage.

 

 

Shirts must cover all skin when the arms are lifted over the head.

 

Shorts much come to the knuckles on the hand, when put on and the arms laid straight down.

 

Skirts, in the same position as above must come to the finger tips (since there is no fabric between the legs).

 

Shoes must not have soles smaller that the heal. (no pumps, wedges etc unless it is for dress)

 

Coats must come to the waist line of pants when arms are lifted up. (colder climates may have diff rules.)

 

No designs with words like Diva, Princess, Hottie, Kiss... anything that signifies a bratty attitude, sex or inappropriate behavior. A general guideline is 'would you be embarrass for the pastor, grandparent, ect to see you in it, then the answer is no'.

 

No prints that have scary looking designs (mainly boys t's with skulls or the like).

 

No dry clean only fabrics.

 

No hang to dry fabrics.

 

No sun dresses for school.

 

Nothing with pre made holes.

 

No gang colors if you live in a heavy gang area.

 

It must match with something to buy it. Don't figure something will come along and go great with purple pants. Put them on hold if you want to, and look at other stores to find the perfect top. But don't just buy random things and hope that you will find something later.

 

Winter shoes must be appropriate for winter. Just because you are willing to only own flip flops in Montana doesn't mean we are buying 5 pair and no winter shoes.

 

Must be able to put your hand under a shirt and not see the knuckles of the hand. (Speaks to the tightness of the shirt)

 

Bras/underwear must be neutral colors or not Ever be seen.

 

Pants can be low rise (only with a belt)...but not ultra low, micro, or so low that you can see low rise panties. Have them wear the lowest rise panties you will allow to see where they fall in the store. Have them face away from you and squat down to see the pantie area and then have them stand.

 

Socks can not be hand wash. Angora socks are cozy but not practical.

__________________

 

 

:iagree:I don't have a girl, but these sound like sensible, modest rules. I think reasonable modesty is a must for all, boys and girls as well as adults. I am also a fan of reasonable dress codes:).

[Loupelou]

6 girls here, all in different stages. We start at birth with our rules, then they aren't really rules.

 

- Nothing sleeveless, tanks are okay if they are being used as a layer

- If you raise your arms and expose your belly the shirt is too short

- shorts and skirts need to be knee length or longer, mostly we choose capris.

- one piece swimsuits, no big openings on front, side, or back

most of my girls like to wear them with shorts

- dresses should not have a plunging neckline front or back

- no undergarments showing

- no words across the bum or crazy slogans on the tees

- nothing too tight, I hate the poured into them look

- pants that aren't lowrise are hard to find, but we avoid the ultra low look.

 

I have noticed that girls tend to wear what their mothers wear, if mom wears tight revealing clothes so do the daughters. You can fit in and not be hanging out all over. I don't get the trend these days of leaving nothing to the imagination, a little TMI going on. I happen to think modesty is very underrated.

[angela in ohio]

- Nothing sleeveless, tanks are okay if they are being used as a layer

- If you raise your arms and expose your belly the shirt is too short

- shorts and skirts need to be knee length or longer, mostly we choose capris.

- one piece swimsuits, no big openings on front, side, or back

most of my girls like to wear them with shorts

- dresses should not have a plunging neckline front or back

- no undergarments showing

- no words across the bum or crazy slogans on the tees

- nothing too tight, I hate the poured into them look

- pants that aren't lowrise are hard to find, but we avoid the ultra low look.

 

 

This sums up our guidelines as well. They aren't rules per se, though I would make them rules if I had to, they are just what I have modeled and purchased and discussed, and now dd agree on them naturally.

[jenn-]

My daughter knows what I will allow her to wear, it's my MIL that has the problem :glare:. I am not super strict. I prefer longer shorts and something with more than a spaghetti strap. At 9 DD will comment if her shorts are getting too short (and we are talking mid thigh here), and only tries the spaghetti strap when it gets really hot. She owns spaghetti strap shirts only because of MIL buying them. The most recent shirt I had an issue with said "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me". Yeah, that went back to MIL's house told never to let me see her in it again. I am about to put MIL on a clothes purchasing freeze, but it is so hard to turn down free clothing.

[HiddenJewel]

I don't have girls, but all of my friends do. I am close to some of their daughters as well, and what I've seen is that when the daughters understood the effect of clothing (or the lack of it), the daughters were mature enough in their teen years to shun certain styles because of their effect.

 

This is how we approach the clothes issue here.

[LG Gone Wild]

no cleavage anywhere

underclothes are to be completely covered no matter the body position

shoes need to be tied if applicable

NO LOGOS - blech

hadn't thought about it until now but clothes should not be tattered

no skinny jeans without a midthigh tunic

no fur boots with shorts, skirts, or in the spring/summer

micro minis are out

[Jill- OK]

I don't care for pants or shorts with text across the rear. That's about my only rule. I have no problem with spaghetti straps, shorts, or skirts above the knee. My daughters have their own sense of style and I generally allow them to choose what suits them.

 

I'm with you. Spaghetti straps, etc., don't bother me the same way writing across the rear does, and that actually is something I've made a "proclamation" about.

 

And I don't make too many of those.

[s.z.ichigo]

My daughter is only eight but I can't imagine I'll change my clothing requirements by much. For now this is a rule list for me, as she barely cares what she wears and finds clothes shopping to be the most boring chore imaginable.

 

No...

bikini style underwear

low-cut pants

shirts that show any belly when the arms are lifted (though she can wear shirts she's outgrown a little as play clothes around the house)

sleeveless shirts in public unless it's REALLY REALLY hot and we're going someplace really informal (like a playground)

really tiny shorts except under skirts or just around the house

ABSOLUTELY no shirts advertising tv shows or something like hannah montana or high scool musical or something similar. She doesn't know anything about these so that's an easy one, they're just everywhere when we shop.

pants with words across the butt

shirts with smart-ass words on them

shirts with something like "princess" written on them or faux athletic shirts like "little angel sports". I find them demeaning, as if girls couldnt possibly be involved in a sport and instead just had to mimic the style.

 

For swimwear I let her wear a two-piece cause I can get 2 or 3 summers out of one suit that way. one-pieces tend to get small fast and give wedgies. The two-piece is always "tankini" style though, the longer the top, the better and always with little shorts instead of an underwear-style bottom.

 

The only other rule I have is to sit like a lady in a skirt. This is a hard one as she rarely wears skirts and doesn't notice when she's sitting with her legs open.

[Tami]

I don't have any written out "rules," other than we must both agree on the clothing, and I need to see it before I buy.

 

I don't have a problem with grunge, holes, tank tops, skinny jeans, or any ONE thing. If I have an issue with the overall Hoochie Factor of any outfit, it will have to be modified, and if an item becomes an issue, we toss it out.

 

For example, skinny jeans are fine with a long tunic, but not with a tank top. Tank tops that don't show cleavage are fine for 90 degree heat, but not at an indoor event with climate control. I don't find grunge styles or "weathered" jeans immodest or objectionable. I think punk styles are cute, and I initially didn't have a problem with skirts layered with colored leggings/fishnets and boots. However, my hubby thinks fishnets have a high "Hoochie" factor no matter what the context, so I deferred to him on that one!

 

Basically, if a parent thinks the outfit is "Hoochie" it needs to be modified. We must all agree on clothing choices, or it doesn't fly. I find this easier than a list of rules that will always get pushed and bent. :D

[Guest Katia]

I don't care for pants or shorts with text across the rear. That's about my only rule. I have no problem with spaghetti straps, shorts, or skirts above the knee. My daughters have their own sense of style and I generally allow them to choose what suits them.

 

This is where I fall. My girls don't wear anything with text across the rear OR across the front. I have one 20yo girl and one 17yo girl.

 

But, we love tank tops and spaghetti straps. I can't understand the reasoning behind not wearing these? My girls wear those stick-on bras (cup-like things) when they wear tops/dresses like this and nothing ever shows. They are comfortable and cool. Shoulders do not, for our family, fall into the 'unmentionables' area, nor do knees.

 

We don't bare boobs (although small cleavage is 'ok' when over 18yo), or tummy or bottoms (or bottom cracks). Everything else is ok as long as they look good and feel good in the outfit. Nothing 'tramp-ish'. Ever.

 

IME, the fewer the rules; the better.

[BigMamaBird]

My dd is still very young and just recently graduated from the toddler to girl section. Whoa! I can already tell this is going to be a problem! Most of the back to school clothes I looked at in JC Penny today were "mini hooker" outfits.

 

Our rules -

Bellies must be covered

No accentuating the bust area

No writing on the behind

No "brat" "princess" "attitude" messages

No branded characters

No backless, halter dresses

 

She's a cute, sweet, innocent, little girl, she must look like one!

[camibami]

NO rules here, really. I am not a fan of writing on the bottom, come to think of it, but no one here wanted such an item, so it hasn't come up.I guess my one rule would be that clothes need to be appropriate for the activity.

 

No twirly dresses or skirts with nothing under them but panties if you are going to play outside. Church, where you are sitting? Ok. No high heels or weird clog type shoes ever, because you will break your neck, no matter the activity, LOL. No grungy jeans when going out to eat with Grandma. That type of thing.

 

Younger DD wears incredibly tight and short tanks and shorts for gymnastics. But there is no AC in the gym (fans, but they are kept on the coaches!!) and I'll be darned if I am going to make the poor kid wear anything but booty shorts and a cropped tank! Its all girls anyway- most of the girls change right out in the gym, though DD being from the US is more self concious about that and goes in the back. I have no problem with the barest of clothing on girls if that is for function, as in this case. We don't go anywhere but the gym with her dressed like that, though!

 

There are a few girls on older DD's swim team who swim in baggy tops and skirted suits, that are to the knees. Add the 20 pounds of hair (its to their knees!) and the poor girls are dragging a whole lot in the pool. They aren't exactly the best swimmers either, but I can't see how they are going to improve much in get ups like that. It seems awfully unfair to put a kid on a swim team, which by definition means you want to go *fast*, and then add a handicap like that. Just do swimming lessons or put your poor girls in something that fits the activity they are doing! Which illustrates my one rule: clothing must fit the intended activity!

[Karen in CO]

The rule I go by is that If I wouldn't look good in it, then they don't either.

[Hsmomto4]

With 4 girls this is something we have thought a lot about and we have some set rules that the girls know not to cross. We do compromise because of where we live so we do allow spaghetti straps as long as it is a higher cut baby doll looking top because it's HOT 8 to 9 months out of the year with 3 to 4 of them being in the upper 90's everyday. We allow shorts, but they can't be skin tight and super short, they need to fit the hands to the side rule. We don't allow mini skirts because kids are kids and something is going to get shown. We also don't allow super tight clothes except for dance and other exercise related things and no see through clothes. I also never want to see your under clothes so if you are wearing a spaghetti strap top you better have a strapless bra on. And if I see your belly the clothes go in the trash. That's it and we have never had any trouble.

[s.z.ichigo]

I don't find grunge styles or "weathered" jeans immodest or objectionable. I think punk styles are cute, and I initially didn't have a problem with skirts layered with colored leggings/fishnets and boots. However, my hubby thinks fishnets have a high "Hoochie" factor no matter what the context, so I deferred to him on that one!

 

I gotta agree with your husband on the fishnet thing. But I also agree with you that the punk styles are adorable on little girls. My daughter really likes wearing the bright colors with black items (a la the 80's) and I think they look great on her. You don't have to dress like a deep south uber-conservative. You can wear cute and fun clothes without dressing like a tramp.

 

Another thing my daughter likes (and I do too) is school uniforms. The little navy blue pleated skirt with the white shirt, long white socks and dark mary-janes. So cute!

[Peela]

I just havent had to instigate actual rules. Dd15 definitely pushes the limit at times, but really, she doesnt want to go over the edge herself...every now and then I say to her, hey, are you really trying to advertise that? Is that the message you want to give out? Or, I discuss with her whether it is appropriate to wear THAT to THAT place. For example, I insist she be a little more modest when we are going to be around her more conservative Christian friends who dress modestly....partly so as not to offend, partly because it has got really nasty in the past with a lot of *****iness from mothers toward a girl a couple of years older than my daughter who was wearing a singlet top which wouldnt be considered out there to me, but was to them. The effect on this girl was devastating when she found out what the mothers were saying. I want to protect my daughter from that, while allowing her to express herself. I am not conservative, but am sensible about what she will attract, whether from boys, or from conservative women who insist on gossipping.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think I'd figure out what COUPLE things you can put into place. You shouldn't need 5 or 15 rules for this! Think broad. Then let them know that you have veto power.

 

From there, I'd be working on issues such as why they feel the need to be inappropriate and reaching their hearts encouraging them to WANT to be appropriate.

 

I can't answer your title question though. I just don't have rules. My daughter is even more conservative than I am (and I am more conservative than my mother). We're a mess when the 3 generations go shopping!

 

Anyway, I would want their choices not to be rule based and legalistic, but "from the heart." I know it takes time to get there and rules may be necessary but I'm back to suggesting those rules be broad and few.

[JFSinIL]

I do not want to see to see your belly button or bra straps, cleavage or butt crack. If it jiggles you need support. And no rude/vulgar stuff on your t-shirt.

[Loupelou]

I don't think most posters mean rules by - "We've sat them down for a lecture and made a chart that sits by the front door". I think it begins with what you wear, and the clothes you buy for them from the time they are little. Light discussions over the years about how we can be perceived if dressed this way, or what clothing is appropriate where lead them to be able to make the right choices when they are older.

[cin]

there's a lot of good insight in this thread! I've learned alot from the suggestions. And I'll add my 2 cents too.

 

We follow most of the basic rules, although, since our girls are still young, it's not neccessarily a rule, it just happens. Wow, you've grown, look how short these shorts (shirt, dress...) are. right now, it's just like highwater jeans.

 

We have a pool in our backyard, so we have several bathing suits. Our girls are SKINNY, so our 8 yr old can actually wear a size 5 2 piece, and it looks fine, but a size 5 one piece would be horrendous! So what we do is we have family bathing suits and company suits. They each have 1 tankini from lands end, and that is the suit they wear in 'public'. If it's just me and the girls playing during the day, they wear one of their 2 piece suits. I want to teach them modesty, but I also want them to understand that there's times and places when modesty is neccesary and when it's not.

 

I grew up in a VERY conservative home and found the adjustment to married life, um, difficult to say the least. I want my girls to be comfortable enough with their body to know they look good, and know that when it comes time to share, they can do it well. Does that make sense?

[dirty ethel rackham]

My daughter is only nine, but this is something I have been thinking about based upon what I see and what bothers me.

 

1. No cleavage - at all.

 

2. Clothing must not be so tight that I can tell what kind of undergarments are being worn and whether one has an "innie" or an "outie."

 

3. Casual shorts should be at least an inch below the cheek. On the more curvaceous girls, a little longer is even better. Shorts worn to church (many people in our church dress casual) should be bermuda length at least.

 

4. Shirts must be long enough and/or bottoms must be high enough so that no skin shows, even when arms raised.

 

5. No undergarments showing outside of clothes.

 

6. I am not a big fan of spaghetti straps. Perhaps on a looser, woven fabric, it can look less revealing than on knit shirts, leaving nothing to the imagination.

 

6. Basically, the more curvaceous the girl, the more effort must be taken to be more modest. Some curvy girls thing that is unfair, but there is more to attract the eye, so more care should be taken. Clothing that looks modest on bean pole type figures can look very immodest on one with more curves. I don't think this will be a problem with my daughter based upon our family history (bean poles until the first baby:)).

[KidsHappen]

Luckily, the teens are naturally pretty modest and the two the go to PS have very strict dress codes so this really hasn't been a problem in my house. The only problem that I have had in my house is not really a modesty issue so much as a question of taste. My dds will wear their bra, and the a tank with speghetti straps and the sometimes another tank with spaghetti straps or just a regular tank so that by the time they are done the have at least three sets of strap showing. At that point most of the skin is covered by straps but I personally happen to think that it looks very white trash and I wish they wouldn't do that. However, since everything is covered and most everyone else dresses this way this is one of those things that I just bite my tongue over, compliment them on whatever really does look good and move on. Not a hill I am prepared to die on and I am just thankful that this is the worse thing we have to deal with.

[amy g.]

Fortunately, my girls have never wanted to wear anything inappropriate.

 

Okay, I take that back. I do have one rule: Don't go outside in only a pull-up on.

[Nestof3]

I grew up in a VERY conservative home and found the adjustment to married life, um, difficult to say the least. I want my girls to be comfortable enough with their body to know they look good, and know that when it comes time to share, they can do it well. Does that make sense?

 

I respectfully disagree that there is a necessary correlation. Modesty means that your body is saved for your spouse, and that actually creates more excitement. Our young adults need to be brought up knowing that sex is a great thing, that looking sexy for your spouse is a great thing, and that finding out how to pleasure each other is a great thing.

 

I think it helps if children see their parents enjoying one another and know that their parents have a physical relationship. I'm not talking about anything inappropriate in front of them, but from my experience, the way your parents treat sex affects the way you treat it -- unless you find the freedom to break from it.