JAWM...pre-k Christmas concedt

[violamama]

Don't have time to read all this, but I will say this: 

 

If your child were to have a melt down at age 4 in the middle of a big performance, and my kids were standing next to him, I would feel nothing but empathy and would hope they could help him calm himself and have the best experience possible. Wouldn't most of the other kids' parents just smile knowingly and give him a high-5 after he calmed down, or whatever? Geeze. 

 

Also, I've seen plenty of "typical" 4 year olds freak out in a performance. (I'm a music teacher and have literally helped hundreds of little ones with their first performances.) At that age, it's anybody's game. The teacher should have at most chatted with you about how to make it work and what to do if he has a hard time. And she/he should have had that conversation months and months ago. 

 

I would be so ticked. I hope you can make a special performance day with your family if the school holds to this ridiculous decision. 

[violamama]

Okay, it's wrong to now wish that like seven of the kids they are allowing to participate do one of the following things:

Start crying

Throw up

Start pushing each other and devolve into a mini-wrestling festival

Sing the wrong song

Forget all the things they practiced

 

Because HELLO they are 4! and are performing for family! and are part of a class! And I don't like your school!

 

[Guest]

It is almost like they don't even know any children. Unreal!

[Angie in VA]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

 

MedicMom, you might want to edit your OP or the subject line to say "Update in post #102 and #136".

 

Any reader who stumbles upon this thread for the first time can still be outraged w/ all of us, but he/she will know the good news. 

 

:D

[violamama]

Well, DUH! Yay for the update. 

Merry Christmas every one. 

[Chris in VA]

This is the first year they have full time preschool, and the music teacher's first year. So it is their first pre-k concert.

 

We are pulling him out after Friday. I found a three morning a week play based preschool that specializes in sensory disorders. He can go there and play and we will homeschool from there. Both grandmothers homeschooled for a combined 52 years(30 for my mom, 22 years for my mother in law) and they have offered to help homeschool until we are in a position for me to quit my job.

 

So happy for you.

 

I think you are doing the absolute right thing.

 

We had our preschool nativity concert thing today. We had jumping, excited, nose-picking, shouting, dancing, lovely children. As it should be.

 

I don't really agree with preschoolers performing, but if they must, just honor them by accepting them.

 

Hugs to your boy. He sounds like an amazing little one.

 

[Lisbeth]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

Whatever works! Good for you!

[ktgrok]

Time to call the principal and get mama bear on their butts. I would be asking for a meeting etc, etc so fast it would make their heads spin. I would be in the office today. And I really would. I've seen what one person can mess up and I have seen a school scramble to make it better. All it takes is one parent to push back.

 

Do not let her push you around. Stand up for him, and stand up for the kids that come after him.

 

This is really, really not ok. Really not ok.

 

this. Go to the office, and don't leave until this is fixed. Period. Not ok. Not even a little bit. 

[ktgrok]

My son is on the spectrum. HFA with sensory issues along with a genius level IQ, which means he understands everything. And takes it all very personally.

 

From what I'm gathering from his classroom teacher they think the sensory stimuli will be too much. And it may be, but he wanted to try and is so very excited about singing. I thought if he struggled he could just come sit with me. I mean a pre k concert is what, 15 minutes?

 

the school psychologist is the one who called. I really just want to pull him out of school right now. He is academically far ahead of 4, which annoys them anyway, but socially behind. I feel like a crappy mom because he was lonely and I can't meet his social needs with my work schedule and I can't quit work right now. I really was just trying to do the right thing for him.

 

You say, Ok, you are worried he will melt down during the show. How are you addressing this to help him succeed? Because he WILL be in the show.

[kiana]

OP, you might want to update your first post so people know it's resolved.

[catz]

What?!?  That's unbelievable!  I think I'd be raising holy h*ll over this.

 

This is the first response I got to and h*ll yes .. if this is something HE is excited about, I'd be going all momma bear on this situation.  If he melts down, oh well.  It is a bunch of 4 year olds.  Not broadway or Carnegie hall.  Good grief.  I'd like to kick someone in the shins for you!

[catz]

Whoa - just read this whole thread.  That was a 10 minute rollarcoaster!  Thanks for the wonderful update - so glad for your boy. 

 

When you have a quirky, sensory issue, GT kid, sometimes success at these types of events can be a HUGE DEAL.  Both my kids have some of these kinds of quirks and I totally get it.  If he's excited, of course he should be allowed to try.  The music teacher and the psych both need a reality check and a slap on the hand.  A$$hats.

 

And I'm pretty sure my like quota is done for the day!

[Caclcoca]

Your update made my day. I am so happy that he gets to sing!

[goldberry]

Mom, you are awesome and handled this totally correctly.  Music Teacher is a nutcase who obviously knows nothing about 4 year olds.  She needed to be put in her place.  You did a service for all the children there, not just yours.  

 

I am glad this was resolved by the time I got to this thread, or I would have spent the whole morning in outrage!

[Lisbeth]

I have the sinking feeling that SN moms end up needing to be (psycho lady from h) I mean, firm, direct, clear, and inflexible... From time to time for a lot of long years. Keep her in your back pocket. This is probably only round one.

 

Yep.  You really have to develop a thick skin.  Some people are cruel about SN, some are clueless, and the worst are both.

 

There are people who get it but can't ever get it like a SN mom living it.  Some get it but can't be bothered.

 

If they think you are the psycho lady from h, you are probably doing it right.

 

[Angie in VA]

Clearly I'm still obsessed with interested in this child and his concert. Tomorrow's the big day, right, MedicMom? I can't wait to hear all about it. I hope he enjoys it and you will give that teacher and school psychologist smug looks as you leave. I'm sure you're nicer than I am and won't do that, though.

 

My dd is a sophomore in college majoring in music education. I asked her what she would do in this situation. She gave me a disclaimer that she's not specializing in special ed, but said that she must include ALL students, gifted, special needs, physical limitations, etc. I asked her this b/c of her major, but also b/c she is a perfectionist. Even she knew not to exclude this child or any child. She has babysat and been around children her whole life. She's very maternal. She knows the right thing. I knew she did, but I had to ask her anyway. 

 

My kids were in a violin studio with a little boy on the autism spectrum. He took a long time to progress, but progress he did. I cried at every single recital when he played, remembering where he was at the last concert and rejoicing in his advancement, however small. His mother told the violin teacher that music helped him cope better w/ things. Did it solve all his issues? No, but it helped a lot. I mean, there is a entire career dedicated to music therapy. I know it has several forms, but denying a child from singing? I will never get it and would love to take that teacher out for coffee and a big piece of my mind. 

 

Enjoy the concert. You know we Hive aunties can't wait to hear all about it! :D

[SKL]

Well, even if he does have a meltdown, it is still the right decision to let him participate.  And don't let anyone give you any crap about it.

[ErinE]

Clearly I'm still obsessed with interested in this child and his concert. Tomorrow's the big day, right, MedicMom? I can't wait to hear all about it. I hope he enjoys it and you will give that teacher and school psychologist smug looks as you leave. I'm sure you're nicer than I am and won't do that, though.

 

My dd is a sophomore in college majoring in music education. I asked her what she would do in this situation. She gave me a disclaimer that she's not specializing in special ed, but said that she must include ALL students, gifted, special needs, physical limitations, etc. I asked her this b/c of her major, but also b/c she is a perfectionist. Even she knew not to exclude this child or any child. She has babysat and been around children her whole life. She's very maternal. She knows the right thing. I knew she did, but I had to ask her anyway. 

 

My kids were in a violin studio with a little boy on the autism spectrum. He took a long time to progress, but progress he did. I cried at every single recital when he played, remembering where he was at the last concert and rejoicing in his advancement, however small. His mother told the violin teacher that music helped him cope better w/ things. Did it solve all his issues? No, but it helped a lot. I mean, there is a entire career dedicated to music therapy. I know it has several forms, but denying a child from singing? I will never get it and would love to take that teacher out for coffee and a big piece of my mind. 

 

Enjoy the concert. You know we Hive aunties can't wait to hear all about it! :D

 

This whole post, but especially the bolded. I worked with children, special needs and NT, on a few dance productions. The idea of denying them the opportunity to perform, because they might not be perfect, boggles my mind. And makes me wonder at the casual cruelty of some adults, especially those working daily with children. I think that's why this thread has stayed with me. Who make a four-year old feel this way when the child's joy could be so great?

[Okra]

Well Trained MInders want to see a You Tube video of the concert!!!  Already we love your little boy!

[gingersmom]

I'm so shocked and in tears for your poor son.

 

My son was a handful at that age (that's being kind) and would have totally risen to the occasion.

 

Shame on them.

[Angie in VA]

Clearly I'm still obsessed with interested in this child and his concert. Tomorrow's the big day, right, MedicMom? I can't wait to hear all about it. I hope he enjoys it and you will give that teacher and school psychologist smug looks as you leave. I'm sure you're nicer than I am and won't do that, though.

 

My dd is a sophomore in college majoring in music education. I asked her what she would do in this situation. She gave me a disclaimer that she's not specializing in special ed, but said that she must include ALL students, gifted, special needs, physical limitations, etc. I asked her this b/c of her major, but also b/c she is a perfectionist. Even she knew not to exclude this child or any child. She has babysat and been around children her whole life. She's very maternal. She knows the right thing. I knew she did, but I had to ask her anyway.

 

My kids were in a violin studio with a little boy on the autism spectrum. He took a long time to progress, but progress he did. I cried at every single recital when he played, remembering where he was at the last concert and rejoicing in his advancement, however small. His mother told the violin teacher that music helped him cope better w/ things. Did it solve all his issues? No, but it helped a lot. I mean, there is a entire career dedicated to music therapy. I know it has several forms, but denying a child from singing? I will never get it and would love to take that teacher out for coffee and a big piece of my mind.

 

Enjoy the concert. You know we Hive aunties can't wait to hear all about it! :D

Forgot to add dd's proposed solution, verbatim: "Have someone ready to take *any* child who had a meltdown off the stage."

 

Uh, huh. That's my girl.

[Guest]

Yes, MM, please let us know how it goes.

 

Is it wrong to hope a kid in the front row picks his nose??

[Tsuga]

My husband says I have left out the best part of the conversation.

 

The concert is at 12:30 on a school day, so I asked what they planned to have my disappointed son do while his classmates sang. The school actually told me that they would make him sit in the audience for it.

 

I then asked the psychologist if she was smoking crack.

 

Probably not my best mom moment, but DH thinks it's hilarious.

 

I think it was nice of you to be so concerned about her mental health, personally.

 

Obviously anybody who would think that a child who could present such a problem for a concert that he wanted to be in, could sit there in the same space with the same stimuli and not present the same problem, has serious issues, intellectual or otherwise. Since she has made it this far in life, the possibility of drug addiction seems like a reasonable explanation for her lapse of judgment.

[MedicMom]

So.

Today they called me at 11 to come pick him up. The principal told me he is just spoiled and I need to parent better.

 

So here is the story:

We baked cookies last night. He specifically wanted to bring two to school so he share one with his best friend C. So they are at school and DS gives C a cookie and another child, A took the cookie. C shoved A who then started hitting C. DS then jumped in and pushed A off and she fell to the floor.

 

DS was suspended for the day. the other kids were not. We feel that it was probably just scapegoating because of how I went off on the school psychologist the other day, and we are afraid they will try to send him home tomorrow before the concert.

 

Tomorrow is his last day.

[itsheresomewhere]

So.

Today they called me at 11 to come pick him up. The principal told me he is just spoiled and I need to parent better.

 

So here is the story:

We baked cookies last night. He specifically wanted to bring two to school so he share one with his best friend C. So they are at school and DS gives C a cookie and another child, A took the cookie. C shoved A who then started hitting C. DS then jumped in and pushed A off and she fell to the floor.

 

DS was suspended for the day. the other kids were not. We feel that it was probably just scapegoating because of how I went off on the school psychologist the other day, and we are afraid they will try to send him home tomorrow before the concert.

 

Tomorrow is his last day.

 

A few bad parent tshirt holder here-   :grouphug:.  

[happi duck]

That stinks!!!

 

It must feel good to think "only one more day, only one more day..."

 

(Hugs)

[Guest]

So.

Today they called me at 11 to come pick him up. The principal told me he is just spoiled and I need to parent better.

 

So here is the story:

We baked cookies last night. He specifically wanted to bring two to school so he share one with his best friend C. So they are at school and DS gives C a cookie and another child, A took the cookie. C shoved A who then started hitting C. DS then jumped in and pushed A off and she fell to the floor.

 

DS was suspended for the day. the other kids were not. We feel that it was probably just scapegoating because of how I went off on the school psychologist the other day, and we are afraid they will try to send him home tomorrow before the concert.

 

Tomorrow is his last day.

Is there any way you can stay in his classroom until the concert? No telling what these a-holes will say to keep him out of the concert.

[AMJ]

ETA: I finally raised holy h#ll and they will let him participate. If it's too much sensory wise I will be there and he can come sit with me.

We are pulling him out of school and going to do lots of reading and cuddling and drawing and finger painting and trips to the sciencenter and art museums and play museums. They told me he struggles to conform to the classroom, and I don't quite think that's necessary at 4, so we are chucking the classroom all together.

 

Good for you!!!! 

[MedicMom]

Is there any way you can stay in his classroom until the concert? No telling what these a-holes will say to keep him out of the concert.

The school's policy is no parents in the classroom. I am so, so tempted to keep him home tomorrow and do the sciencenter instead. He is a typical, boisterous, active little boy, but he is not bad. I don't see any kind of violent behavior at home, on play dates, and his Sunday school teacher says they don't see it there. I told the principal maybe they needed to figure out why he is so frustrated and upset only at school.

[Mommy22alyns]

This is the first year they have full time preschool, and the music teacher's first year. So it is their first pre-k concert.

 

We are pulling him out after Friday. I found a three morning a week play based preschool that specializes in sensory disorders. He can go there and play and we will homeschool from there. Both grandmothers homeschooled for a combined 52 years(30 for my mom, 22 years for my mother in law) and they have offered to help homeschool until we are in a position for me to quit my job.

Apparently their first time dealing with 4 year olds too?

 

In any event, GREAT news that it worked out for you guys.  I'm glad to hear he's going to go play/be homeschooled.  I was heartbroken when I read your OP.  And how wonderful that your family is stepping up!  That makes me  :001_wub: .

[purpleowl]

Can you keep him home until about 15-20 minutes prior to the concert tomorrow?

[AmandaVT]

Just read through the whole thread and man, have any of the people in that school worked with children before?? I'm glad your son gets to sing tomorrow and I'm very glad you have a "not this school" plan for after the holidays. And yes, post a little video!! :-)

[Luanne]

Wow!  You would think the audience would be understanding of small children and all the unpredictable things they do.  I took my mother and daughter to my mother's church's Christmas program last week.  There were 125 children on stage at the same time singing.  One little girl (probably around 4) spent the entire time they were up there either pacing back and forth in front of the group of children or standing with her back to the audience.  No one cared.  Everyone understood that she isn't an adult. 

[*Lulu*]

Is there any way that you can bring him in close enough to the concert that they can't do anything about it?

 

Or will breaking the routine cause a bigger mess emotionally? ( routine changes are a huge problem for both of my kids on the spectrum.)

[MedicMom]

Messing with routine just makes things worse.

 

However, my husband texted(I am working tonight) and said DS sounds like he's getting laryngitis. That would ruin tomorrow anyway.

 

My SIL is a music teacher at a local Christian school. She has talked to the administrator today and they have agreed DS will be allowed to sing one or two songs in their Christmas concert next week if he is not able to participate tomorrow for whatever reason. She's taught him a few of their songs anyway and feels confident he would do fine with them.

[Ausmumof3]

I am so glad to see your update. That is absolutely ridiculous!

[*Lulu*]

Messing with routine just makes things worse.

 

However, my husband texted(I am working tonight) and said DS sounds like he's getting laryngitis. That would ruin tomorrow anyway.

 

My SIL is a music teacher at a local Christian school. She has talked to the administrator today and they have agreed DS will be allowed to sing one or two songs in their Christmas concert next week if he is not able to participate tomorrow for whatever reason. She's taught him a few of their songs anyway and feels confident he would do fine with them.

That sounds like a much better plan.

 

Personally, I would be fighting the urge to give the administration of that school a lesson in child development and vocabulary. Spoiled my eye.

 

(((Hugs))) momma. You've done well. If they have expectations that aren't even reasonable for NT 4yos you are doing your son a HUGE service by keeping him away from their "help".

[MedicMom]

I was trying to attach a photo but I will have to wait...

[Heatherwith4]

If I were you, I wouldn't even take him tomorrow, and just let him sing with the other group. JMO.

[Valley Girl]

So.

Today they called me at 11 to come pick him up. The principal told me he is just spoiled and I need to parent better.

 

So here is the story:

We baked cookies last night. He specifically wanted to bring two to school so he share one with his best friend C. So they are at school and DS gives C a cookie and another child, A took the cookie. C shoved A who then started hitting C. DS then jumped in and pushed A off and she fell to the floor.

 

DS was suspended for the day. the other kids were not. We feel that it was probably just scapegoating because of how I went off on the school psychologist the other day, and we are afraid they will try to send him home tomorrow before the concert.

 

Tomorrow is his last day.

 

I'm sure you just want to get him out of there and into a better environment at this point. I'd be really tempted, though, to go back and ask them what kind of message it sends that they are only punishing the child who tried to stop the problem instead of the children who did the hitting, shoving, and cookie-snatching. I feel so bad for your little guy.

 

[idnib]

I know it has several forms, but denying a child from singing? I will never get it and would love to take that teacher out for coffee and a big piece of my mind. 

 

You're so sweet to want to take her for coffee. I probably would have spilled it on her concert outfit right before the show.  ;)

[*Lulu*]

You're so sweet to want to take her for coffee. I probably would have spilled it on her concert outfit right before the show. ;)

Or given it to the other darling 4yos and smiled at the ensuing calamity.

 

But my evil streak is deep- so my kids keep telling me!

[SKL]

Yes, I agree they seem to be retaliating against your son because you had the audacity to advocate for him.

 

Ugh.

 

Don't be surprised if they try to set him up to fail tomorrow.  But nevertheless I would bring him to sing if he is well (assuming he still wants to).

[Slartibartfast]

They are going to let him sing.

I will be there if he has a meltdown and he can cuddle Mommy.

 

Also I am fairly certain the school now thinks I am the crazy psycho lady from h*ll.

 

 

All the best moms are.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

I am so glad he gets to sing. :)

[Susan in TN]

Well bless their evil little hearts. Is it wrong to hope for a multitude of the worst kinds of meltdowns during the program?

[Denise in IN]

My husband says I have left out the best part of the conversation.

 

The concert is at 12:30 on a school day, so I asked what they planned to have my disappointed son do while his classmates sang. The school actually told me that they would make him sit in the audience for it.

 

I then asked the psychologist if she was smoking crack.

 

Probably not my best mom moment, but DH thinks it's hilarious.

 

:hurray: Love your response!

 

I'm so glad you have found a better option for him, and hope that works well for him and for your family.  Kudos to you for fighting for what is best for your child!

[Tanaqui]

I am so glad you're able to get him out of that school. I feel sorry for the other kids stuck in that toxic environment - and any place like that can't be that good for any of the kids.

[jelbe5]

Ugh - I am so sorry. These people should not be working with children.

 

I recently attended a high school winter concert at a local public high school. The new choir director included a group of special needs students. This was the first time the school has done this. The special needs students joined the first song with the entire choir, then sang "Let It Go" by themselves. They received a standing ovation. I was in tears (I have a son with autism). It was so nice to see the love and support. After their solo song the special needs students were dismissed and could leave with family or sit and enjoy the rest of the performance, depending on their need at that time.

 

I just wanted to share an inclusive concert done right. Hugs to you and your little one.

[Angie in VA]

Waiting, waiting, waiting...

 

Does he have laryngitis? Did he go to school? At this point I am more interested in hearing how it went when you pulled him out of school today than the concert. I am so glad he can sing at ypur SIL's school next weel!

[idnib]

Best update ever here.