StaceyinLA Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 she might be pregnant?? Yes, it would be THAT 17yodd - the one that has been giving me so much grief and was planning that big move to CA. She will be 18 this summer. Well, she's been seeing a guy now (and he is really nice and treats her very well) and, apparently, has had intercourse with him and has had some oops moments with a condom. Yeah, it was TMI for me and I almost threw up at the thought. I mean, who really wants to think these things about their babies? Anyway, I know that there are plenty of people who try for months and years to conceive so there is certainly no guarantee that having s*x once or twice at a fertile time would mean pregnancy, but she said she "feels" different. She's not due to start her period for a week or so. I have had her take some vitamins just in case, and, of course, warned her against doing anything else that could be harmful. WWYD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 12, 2009 Share Posted February 12, 2009 (HUGS) :grouphug: I was thinking about her today as I read one of your other posts. No advice really, just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I have no long-term or "big picture" advice, but I would be hustling on down to the drug store and buying a pregnancy test. Some of them are very sensitive, and may show a positive already (if, of course, she's pregnant), especially if she might already be having physical symptoms. A negative test would not be trusted for a little while yet, but a positive test would enable you to begin the process of deciding how to help her (or get her help). ETA: I'm so sorry you're continuing down this rocky road with her, and will be praying for your family's well-being during these hard times! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danybug Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I am sorry for how stressful this must be for you! May God fill you with strength and the words to handle this situation! I do not really know anything else about what has been going on with your dd, but it seems to be she is screaming for attention or investment from you. I only say this because I feel like she would not tell you about this unless she was positive that she was really pregnant. Again, I do not know anything about your dd or your relationship and I am not trying to be judging. I just know that if I was 17 I would not even mention to my mother that I might be pregnant unless I absolutely was, unless I was "screaming" out for her love and concern. This is just my 2 cents. I will pray for you and your dd, that things work out for the best! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 like Paula, I was thinking of you both earlier today when I saw you had posted about something else, and I was wondering how you two were doing. Now I know to redouble the prayers for you both--for peace, understanding, and for God's protection of her and the (possible) little one. If she is pregnant, you all will, of course, make a decision about what steps to take as you face the future together, but I wanted you to know that my family has been blessed beyond anything I could put into words because a precious young woman named N___ carried a r*pe baby to term and put him up for adoption. We were lucky enough to receive him, and 38 years later to get to know N. She is a dear friend to our family now and means the world to us. Just sayin' that out of the most impossible situations, God brings beauty and healing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 A blood test would give you immediate results if you need to know right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I would keep her under lock and key until I knew for sure (if that was possible...I know it might not be) - the reason being, she might throw caution to the wind after dropping her little bombshell. As soon as possible, I'd have a blood test done. If it was negative, I'd get her to a doc and put on the pill, or have her get a shot of depo provera. You are in my prayers, my dear. I know this is hard for you (major understatement) but your dd is still talking to you. Even if she's trying to shock you, she's talking. Where there's talk, there's always hope. Hugs to you... Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I would make an appointment with her doctor ASAP, get a serum pregnancy test, and if she's not pregnant, get her started on a reliable birth control method. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in AUS Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I don't know your history but my sister did this to my Mum, fell preg at 17 and had bub that was 7 years ago. The only advice i can give is to try and be supportive. See a good Dr that will give her non biased advice on all her options let her make up her mind what she is going to do. She is almost an adult and certainly engaging in adult activity she needs to step up and take responsibility for those actions so the decision should be hers. You need to encourage her to stand on her own feet now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherryTX Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I would call my pharmacy and ask if they carry "Plan B" and have her take it asap. And also call her doctor and make an appointment. I would also do my best to suppress my urge to kill her boyfriend. I have to say that this is a very VERY tough thing you are going through! I have 4 daughters myself, and although we hope they listen to us and delay sexual activity until they are mature adults, we are doing our best to make sure (as they get older and they are an appropriate age to discuss it), that they are aware of all the precautions. I am sure you did make her aware - it just goes to show that you can be the best parent in the world, but kids make some mistakes regardless. I hope the test comes back negative, and I feel for you. Although this hasn't happened to me, I had my first child a few months before I was 20, and I know it was hard on my family. One thing that has impressed me though: your daughter came to you to tell you about it. I know may seem like a little thing right now, but the fact that your daughter is comfortable telling you something like this is huge. Many girls don't. They wait too long hoping they are not pregnant and don't take care of themselves or make any decision about what is the right thing to do until it's too late. She came to you because she knew she could trust you to help her figure out what she needs to do, and now that you are aware she is sexually active, she may be more careful in the future and take heed of your advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I would call my pharmacy and ask if they carry "Plan B" and have her take it asap. Plan B can only be used up to 3 days after unprotected sex. And then there are the moral issues... Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macrina Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I would thank her for coming to me so early, for not trying to hide it, for being honest and for not going to Planned Parenthood behind my back. Then I'd be on my knees in regards of what to do next and I'd be very careful not to chase her off inadvertently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macrina Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 A blood test would give you immediate results if you need to know right now. Not 100% accurate. I had a blood test (baby #2) when I was a week late and it was neg. A week later still no period and an ultrasound showed I was 4wks along. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherryTX Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Plan B can only be used up to 3 days after unprotected sex. And then there are the moral issues... Ria Yes..that is why I was wondering how long it was - sorry if I missed the time frame. I was just responding what I would do - but I do respect that it wouldn't be the right choice for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 I really appreciate it. Honestly, I think this dd may be WANTING to be pg. And, in my heart I think it's because she feels that she will have the love that she wants. I know she has that from me (and I know she knows it), but I can't even comprehend the loss she has felt from not having it from her dad. He has treated her so horribly over the years; ignoring her, not acknowledging her b-day, etc. Though he hasn't lived with us, and she never really had a relationship with him anyway, I know there is hurt deep down. I also know, of course, a baby won't really fill that void, and will change her life permanently. She does know she can talk to me. She was open and honest about how it happened. We talked about it. She had already starting taking vitamins, etc. I'm the baby of my family so my girls have been around a LOT of pg people and they do love babies. They do know, in this situation, what is right and wrong. We would not support ANY decision to use abortifacient or abortion-inducing meds. I am 100% pro-life. She knows that and agrees with it - she wouldn't want to do anything of that sort anyway. As I said, I am not sure this wasn't purposeful. Also, though I'd like to be angry with the boyfriend, it certainly isn't all his fault. I'm not going to be thanking him, but, she knows right from wrong and it takes 2. He's not quite 17 himself. God knows it's not a good situation, but there are worse things than bringing life into the world. I will support her through this if it comes to pass. And I have thought about the serum pg test. We may head down for that on Monday, just to be able to have a game plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I'm sorry. I agree with many of the others. Get tested, and hope you have the opportunity of putting her on better birth control. I know of other young people that were quite devastated when they found out they were not pregnant. This will take some time whatever the outcome. We are with you in prayer!!! Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherryTX Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I really appreciate it. Honestly, I think this dd may be WANTING to be pg. And, in my heart I think it's because she feels that she will have the love that she wants. I know she has that from me (and I know she knows it), but I can't even comprehend the loss she has felt from not having it from her dad. He has treated her so horribly over the years; ignoring her, not acknowledging her b-day, etc. Though he hasn't lived with us, and she never really had a relationship with him anyway, I know there is hurt deep down. I also know, of course, a baby won't really fill that void, and will change her life permanently. She does know she can talk to me. She was open and honest about how it happened. We talked about it. She had already starting taking vitamins, etc. I'm the baby of my family so my girls have been around a LOT of pg people and they do love babies. They do know, in this situation, what is right and wrong. We would not support ANY decision to use abortifacient or abortion-inducing meds. I am 100% pro-life. She knows that and agrees with it - she wouldn't want to do anything of that sort anyway. As I said, I am not sure this wasn't purposeful. Also, though I'd like to be angry with the boyfriend, it certainly isn't all his fault. I'm not going to be thanking him, but, she knows right from wrong and it takes 2. He's not quite 17 himself. God knows it's not a good situation, but there are worse things than bringing life into the world. I will support her through this if it comes to pass. And I have thought about the serum pg test. We may head down for that on Monday, just to be able to have a game plan. With the open communication that you have with your daughter, whether she is pregnant or not, it sounds like she will be able handle this better than girls that are not able to communicate with their mothers. Again, I wish you the best, and I hope the test is negative, but if it is positive - from what you have written, it sounds like you will be able to guide her in being a good mom. I went through this myself (not being the parent - but the kid!) and there was no way I could have dealt with the first few years being a young mother without my family's support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I would make an appointment with her doctor ASAP, get a serum pregnancy test, and if she's not pregnant, get her started on a reliable birth control method. This is what I would do too. In my dreams. IRL I'd panic and let my partner handle it. But the teenager we had was his, and did not share my views about abortion. Mine are still little and so far do share my views, so I wouldn't have to worry about potential heartbreak surrounding touchy political subjects. If you do, I recommend that you talk about what you'd do if she were to get pregnant, even if the test is negative. Seeing a long-term plan, and contrasting it with her current long-term plan, might help her remember to use birth control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Governess Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 How long has it been? From what I remember, a blood test won't show a positive until implantation occurs, which usually takes 7-10 days. I would wait until at least 10 days have passed just to be sure.... :grouphug::grouphug: I'm so glad she confided this in you! I hope that somehow the situation, however it ends up turning out, can bring you closer to each other. Hang in there.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CactusPair Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I would be so glad and relieved that she felt she could trust me enough to tell me her situation. I would love her and hug her and give her the support that she needs **no matter what**. She's probably feeling a tremendous amount of anxiety right now. I would count myself blessed that she confided in me. Being able to confide in your mother sometimes means the difference between life and death. Even though she's made some very grown up decisions, ones that you don't agree with, she's needs her mother more than ever during this time. I would also give her more information on using birth control responsibly and accurately, since she has made the decision to become active. I would also explain why I felt she shouldn't be active at this time (young, unmarried, etc), but I would respect her as an adult woman who ultimately needs to guide her own moral choices. You were right to listen to her without judging and get her started on vitamins. Keep her on the vits. and get a test kit. Some allow you to test up to 5 days before your missed period, though for most accurate results waiting until the day of the expected period is recommended on the box. Keeping you both in thought:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Personally, given my way of communicating, I would tell her this was a *very* stupid way to see "how much the fellow likes her", and in the back of my mind think that it was also to get a rise out of me. I wouldn't give her the thrill she seems to be looking for in yanking Mama's chain. Then I would wait. Sounds like she is a little early for a test to be certainly negative. If she is preggers, I'd look realistically at the situation, tell her where to find out about her options (if she wants to know), be very honest about what I would and would not help out with and let her go on with her life. I'd stick to my guns, too, and be as unflapped as possible, as well. I am, however, very aware that other people do it differently. I come from buck-up-and-hoe-your-own-row stock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imeverywoman Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Stacey, Hugs to you and you will be in my prayers....:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I'd be asking what they needed me to do to support them in maintaining their relationship (assuming they wanted to) and learning to parent. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted February 13, 2009 Author Share Posted February 13, 2009 >>Personally, given my way of communicating, I would tell her this was a *very* stupid way to see "how much the fellow likes her", and in the back of my mind think that it was also to get a rise out of me. I wouldn't give her the thrill she seems to be looking for in yanking Mama's chain. Then I would wait. Sounds like she is a little early for a test to be certainly negative.<< One of the problems we have had is her feeling like I put her down all the time. I tend to be one who jumps on them when they make mistakes. I have been trying to steer away from that with her because it obviously really affects her. She hasn't gotten a rise out of me. I have been very calm about the situation. >>If she is preggers, I'd look realistically at the situation, tell her where to find out about her options<< As far as options, I certainly have no intention of sending her off anywhere to find out any options. The only option in our family is for her to have and keep her baby, and learn to be a good, responsible parent, no matter how much irresponsibility got here there. Should she ever decide NOT to do so, we would raise her baby as if it were our own. I will certainly take her to her doctor and make sure she gets proper care, and, if she isn't pregnant, we will be at the doctor taking some precautionary measures... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Hi Stacey, My dd's situation was a bit different because she was older (barely 20) and her boyfriend was close to 26. When dd told me that she was expecting, they had already had a test. I was not excited (no congratulations), but I did try to be as calm as possible. My Mom was the type to get really emotional and upset, so I guess I was trying to do the opposite. I asked my dd fact based questions: Have you seen a doctor? When did you have your last cycle? Are you feeling sick yet? I tried to be supportive even though I was disappointed (from our religious perspective). If your dd isn't pregnant, I think it would be great if she would agree to take birth control. And then, you might want to have her hang out with a friend who has a newborn...for at least 24-48 hours. She may see that she isn't ready quite yet. I think "yet" is the important point. Let her know that you aren't saying "don't have kids" but that you are encouraging her to wait a little while longer and to spend that time preparing. My dd did not want to have a baby at her young age. She loves her daughter, but she has been honest that she wasn't ready to be a mom. She didn't get to finish college or do a lot things that she wanted to. Her DH (they are married now) spent years having a great experience at the university, yet my dd will never have the chance to do those things. Good luck Stacey! My heart is with you. Polly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 >>Personally, given my way of communicating, I would tell her this was a *very* stupid way to see "how much the fellow likes her", and in the back of my mind think that it was also to get a rise out of me. I wouldn't give her the thrill she seems to be looking for in yanking Mama's chain. Then I would wait. Sounds like she is a little early for a test to be certainly negative.<< One of the problems we have had is her feeling like I put her down all the time. I tend to be one who jumps on them when they make mistakes. I have been trying to steer away from that with her because it obviously really affects her. She hasn't gotten a rise out of me. I have been very calm about the situation. >>If she is preggers, I'd look realistically at the situation, tell her where to find out about her options<< As far as options, I certainly have no intention of sending her off anywhere to find out any options. The only option in our family is for her to have and keep her baby, and learn to be a good, responsible parent, no matter how much irresponsibility got here there. Should she ever decide NOT to do so, we would raise her baby as if it were our own. I will certainly take her to her doctor and make sure she gets proper care, and, if she isn't pregnant, we will be at the doctor taking some precautionary measures... I do believe it's possible to show disappointment without "put downs", but I also think it's important to define "support". The last thing I would personally want would be for my 17yo to think the hardest part of the situation will be physical pregnancy, labor and delivery. Especially before knowing whether or not she's really pregnant. Knowing that Mom will make sure all is well isn't exactly a major deterrent for a teenager who was already willing to take risks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom26 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Do you have a local Crisis Pregnancy Center you can go to with her?? They offer free counseling, pregnancy tests and really are a bright light in the midst of what could be a dark situation. Hoping things start to turn around for her:grouphug: Blessings, kathi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 You are very lucky she is talking to you. Now, this is going to be strange question, since it seems she is being open with you. You said you thought she might "want" to be pregnant. Is there a possibility she deceived her bf and told him she was on birth control and then told you they tried to use condoms. This won't change your long term plan, but it can seriously affect how you, your dd and the bf will interact on the issue for a while. The other thing (in the even your dd is pregnant) is I saw you feel strongly that if your dd for some reason will not be able to raise the child, you will do it. You need to converse with your dd and make sure this is what she would want. I recall someone on the this board, saying they had encountered this and having the grandparents adopt was a very negative situation. It may be the best way for your dd to handle it, but it may help to consider all the alternatives and come to the conclusion that this works best. I will pray for peace for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AudreyTN Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 No advice, but I wanted to say that my mom was 17 when she got pregnant with me. She got married (to my adoptive father) when I was 18 months old. I turned out just fine. :001_smile: (I hope. :001_smile:) If she is, it will all work out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I was older, 19, but still dependent on my mom and still totally clueless about life. I felt trapped, like I had no choice but to terminate the pregnancy. My mom did not say much at all to me but tried to just accept my decision. And then one day she just broke down and got honest with me. She said "From the time you told me that you are pregnant I have been dreaming of holding my grandchild in my arms." I broke down crying and admitted that I wanted the baby and from that moment on everything changed. It was still so hard. And I married the dad but it was terrible circumstances to get married under. We struggled financially, emotionally, we had some awful, awful years and during that time we added another baby to the mix. But God is faithful and so were we. And He blessed our faithfulness (or stubborn refusal to give up, whichever you want to call it) We got through the uglies and healed and learned to love each other and made 4 more babies together! Today I love him more than life itself and I am pretty sure he likes me pretty well too.;) But it started with my mom saying that it was okay. That I was okay. That I could have this baby and she would help me and that the baby was worthy of life and love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret in GA Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 >>Personally, given my way of communicating, I would tell her this was a *very* stupid way to see "how much the fellow likes her", and in the back of my mind think that it was also to get a rise out of me. I wouldn't give her the thrill she seems to be looking for in yanking Mama's chain. Then I would wait. Sounds like she is a little early for a test to be certainly negative.<< One of the problems we have had is her feeling like I put her down all the time. I tend to be one who jumps on them when they make mistakes. I have been trying to steer away from that with her because it obviously really affects her. She hasn't gotten a rise out of me. I have been very calm about the situation. >>If she is preggers, I'd look realistically at the situation, tell her where to find out about her options<< As far as options, I certainly have no intention of sending her off anywhere to find out any options. The only option in our family is for her to have and keep her baby, and learn to be a good, responsible parent, no matter how much irresponsibility got here there. Should she ever decide NOT to do so, we would raise her baby as if it were our own. I will certainly take her to her doctor and make sure she gets proper care, and, if she isn't pregnant, we will be at the doctor taking some precautionary measures... Really? You wouldn't consider adoption? Honestly asking here. I am in the 'support your daughter no matter what' camp (I've always been since you began posting about her issues). I have a strong willed 15 yo dd and it is so easy for me to say to you when I struggle with this myself. But, just because they didn't turn out the way we wanted doesn't mean we shouldn't be there (in a non critical fashion) when they need us. Again, easier said than done. But, we should be working toward that goal-- non judgmental and loving. Hugs to you!!!! Margaret Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary in VA Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Does he know she thinks she might be pregnant? If she isn't pregnant, just the fact that there was a scare might be a deterrent for him in the future. Especially if, as you said, she might have actually wanted this. I'm praying for you. I have two dds and I feel heartsick for you. :grouphug: Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 First off, ((HUGS)) So with all the drama in this situation I missed how this came up...did she come to you and say she thinks she's pregnant? As a teen that would be so scary to open up like that to a parent who they have been fighting with lately. she must really trust your reaction to be one of love :001_smile: What does she want if she is? I have no idea what I would do in your situation...mine are still so young...but I would like to think I would take my dd to a Dr to get the blood test. She's under your care until she's 18 so you can insist. But I also think I would be real firm about the rules/expectations at that point and be a real strict mom about things since she didn't exactly go about things the way she was raised :tongue_smilie: but who knows what crazy thing I would actually do..... praying for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mari Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 You know, my heart really goes out to you right now. I can't help but wonder, though, if maybe this might be what your daughter needs to understand the reality of her rebellion and her relationship with you. Obviously it is not the ideal but you need to find the little good things that can arise from bad situations. It's wonderful that she is confiding in you right now. That means she still needs you and values your opinion despite her recent actions. If she is pregnant, my advice...don't over react and definitely don't give the impression that you will solve her problems even by raising the child. She has to deal with the reality of growing up too fast and making adult decisions and you must not enable her. The decision must be hers and the fathers' alone to make, even if it's not what you want. You can (and should) ask questions about how they will provide for their growing family's food, clothing and shelter not to mention caring for the child. Do not give the impression that you will be the "safety net." Tell her she has your love and encouragement but she and the father share the responsibility alone in raising the child. Since you have a pro-life view on the matter, explain to her how the baby is developing inside her at this very moment. Tell her when the heart begins to beat, when the arm and leg buds start to protrude, etc. Help her fall in love with her baby so she will not want to abort it. Nurture and guide her, but let her and boyfriend make all the financial decisions. By the way, how old is he? How much in love with her is he? Enough to man up to his reponsibilities? What does his family think of your daughter? Have you met them? If she's not pregnant, tell her she still has your love and encouragement but since she is making these types of adult decisions, she should plan on the right way to move out as soon as possible. Give her the life lessons of helping her find an apartment, vehicle, insurance, etc. that she can afford WITHOUT your help. Be supportive and loving all the while, making her realize you will not help her financially. Right now she has the luxury of you handling her problems. Taking yourself out of the equation may give her the rude awakening she needs. It's a tough situation. I know it's difficult but if you can honestly stand before God and tell him you did your best in raising her then maybe it's time to realize your work is done. Let God do the rest but do continue to pray that she makes wise decisions for herself and her future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 I wouldn't post it on a public message board. I'm very sorry you are facing this. But I think you should ask the moderators to delete this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsingscrapper Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Stacey, First off, :grouphug::grouphug:. Secondly, my boys are still young yet but I know stuff happens. In light of that, I've come up with a tentative plan for any "pleasant surprises" as I don't believe in abortions, either. I've lost 3 of my 5 pregnancies to miscarries. Anyway, I figured I would work it like this if they were still in school. Being boys, I would expect them to work at least part-time and finish school! I would be willing to babysit for free if my ds and his gf were either working or going to school. Things to better their lives, kwim? But on the other hand, if they have money to play, they have money to pay! I'd probably sock the babysitting fees into an account for my grandkid and not say anything until he/she turned at least 21. That's what I would tentatively do. Anything to prevent an abortion or giving my grandkid up for adoption. Heck! I'd even take up homeschooling the little one when he/she gets old enough to do so! I hope my idea helps. I wouldn't want to miss out on my dgc (dear grandchild) for nothing or nobody. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Hey Stacey, I just want to jump in and let you know that our first was born the day after my 17th bday. You've had a lot of responses, so I'll leave it at this- if it turns out that she is pregnant, drop me a line. Every situation is different, but I believe I can give you a little ray of hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ekarl2 Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 My mother got pregnant when she was 20 years old. She gave the child up for adoption. Her name is Marie and she found my mom when she was 24. She's a big part of our lives now. I think what mom did was the most unselfish decision she could have made. A child should never be a burden; it's a gift. Marie had a wonderful upbringing with a wonderful mom and dad who loved her and provided for her. I am ardently pro-life, but I am also ardently in favor of giving up children for adoption if the mother is incapable of providing for the child. Not incapable even, but not capable of providing the same emotional and monetary support that adoptive parents (statistically, BTW, couples of have long strong marriages because they've gone through the pain of not being able to conceive) could. I strongly urge any woman/girl (and her parents) to not think of themselves (how they would feel about giving the child up) but think of the child. What's honestly best for the child ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 And then one day she just broke down and got honest with me. She said "From the time you told me that you are pregnant I have been dreaming of holding my grandchild in my arms." I broke down crying and admitted that I wanted the baby and from that moment on everything changed. But it started with my mom saying that it was okay. That I was okay. That I could have this baby and she would help me and that the baby was worthy of life and love. I love this post Kelli. I had a very similar experience, including the marriage stuff. My moment with my mom was when she said to me, "You only get to be pregnant with your first baby once. I want this to be special for you." It made me feel like a legitimate mom and really encouraged me to put on my big girl pants and become the mother that our baby needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 Well, what can you do, after all? You just love her as best you can. Making her feel guilty is pointless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 (((Stacey))) I know you love her unconditionally. Just be as supportive as you can, I know you will. I just want to say that I think it's great that she felt she could come to you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 13, 2009 Share Posted February 13, 2009 She didn't get to finish college or do a lot things that she wanted to. Her DH (they are married now) spent years having a great experience at the university, yet my dd will never have the chance to do those things. After 6 kids and 26 years with a preschooler underfoot, my mother went back to college and LOVED it. She wore more youthful things and just loved her classes and classmates. She even wrote a Sci-fi novel in Spanish. Please encourage your daughter to go back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
apCrazy4Jesus Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Embrace her and love her even more. Let her know you are praying for God to give her the strenghth to endure whatever God has for her future. Let her know that you are there for her but even better is that Chirst is there to take her by the hand. I wouldn't go put her on birth control that only tells her that pre-marital sex is fine. I will be praying that God give you wisdom in all things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Well, I got pregnant at 19. It wasn't fun, nor was I really porud of it. However, the one thing that really helped me was my family and friends who were THERE for me. That is all you really can do. You can do that, and you can thank GOD she trusted you enough to tell you at all. Honestly, you want her not to go to CA. Hmmm...if she is pregnant, she very well may not be making that trip. All you can do right now is pray for her (as I am sure you do if you are of faith) and be there for her. Like I said, thank God she came to you and told you at all. I was not on such terms with my mom when I first thought I was pregnant and your daughter is showing a really volunerable side of herself by letting you in on this. She must be scared and she needs here mama right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 for your kind words and responses. We still know nothing (her doctor said she felt even a blood serum might not give us really positive results until this Friday). I will clarify a couple of things: First, to the person who told me I shouldn't have posted here - sorry. I have no one to turn to IRL right now while waiting. I want to have some positive thoughts and ideas in my head if, indeed, the test is positive, but also if it is not. I figured I'd get some good feedback here, and I have. Secondly, the boy does know. He did not believe she was on birth control. He is just turning 17. His family does like her, and he wants to marry her. I know - it's all so ridiculous because they are SO young, and they really probably don't have a clue what they want. By the same token, my sister and her husband eloped when they were 17 and have been married 41 years! So who's to say it can't work?!? Thirdly, I have already talked with them about what they need to do if this is, indeed, the case. We've talked about school, work, etc. Finally, about adoption, and to the person who asked if I didn't agree with it. I wholeheartedly agree with adoption. It just isn't for our family. Though, at this point, my daughter has every intention of being a mom and keeping her baby, if something were to happen and she didn't want to, or changed her mind, we would definitely adopt it. There is no reason for a baby to be adopted outside its biological family when there are relatives who WANT to raise it, and can give it a loving home. And I have to make one point about an adoption comment that was made - about people giving babies up to families and that being better for them if they are more able to care for the babies. I have to disagree that just because a family is better off financially means they will give a baby a better life. I have seen many adoptive parents take babies from "poor" moms and let nannies raise them - it sickens me. And the fact that the marriages are strong is also not a given. There are many people who adopt children and divorce later. Adopting out your child does not guarantee it a great life. PLEASE don't get me wrong with this - I am 100% FOR adoption. We wanted to adopt ourselves. But I do not believe that adoption is always the right answer, nor that adopted children are always better off than they would've been with a committed, biological parent, even if that parent is poor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Honestly, getting married that young is a huge risk. I know a lot of couples that sailed along for 7-10 years and then it all fell apart. Usually one parent takes off altogether. Then they had 3-4 kids that were in the middle of it. I know one couple that are still married, but are still doing a horrible job of raising their kids. It can work out but I just hope everyone involved knows that they don't have to, and if they do, it can still wait until later, maybe like they had initially planned. A young, immature, selfish person may be better off adopting out the baby, regardless of finances. I am not saying this is your daughter... I just wanted to point out that it isn't always about being single or poor. Their are more factors at play. I didn't think you were wrong for posting it here.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I saw a litttle bit of the interview with the Palin's last night. I don't know if it is available online somewhere, but the governor made such a strong case for families supporting one another. Best of luck and you can do this, together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StaceyinLA Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 You are right. There are times when a young person should indeed adopt out their baby. Maybe I misread the original post on that subject and jumped the gun. I guess my point was that just because the situation isn't great, and the person is young doesn't automatically mean the baby needs to be given up. A LOT of young girls do commit themselves to doing a good job with their babies. This isn't ideal, and it might not even be the case at all. There is still a chance we are worrying about nothing. However, I think, if she is pg, we will make sure she gets proper health care, takes good care of herself, brings a healthy baby into the world, and raises it with our loving support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 A LOT of young girls do commit themselves to doing a good job with their babies. This isn't ideal, and it might not even be the case at all. There is still a chance we are worrying about nothing. However, I think, if she is pg, we will make sure she gets proper health care, takes good care of herself, brings a healthy baby into the world, and raises it with our loving support. :thumbup1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Stacey, I just want to offer a you a hug :grouphug: I can only imagine what a difficult time you must be having. I wish you and your family the best. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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