Baby shower, is this a normal thing?

[Loowit]

I got invited to a baby shower for my cousin's wife, whom I have never met.  I haven't seen my cousin in years, but I thought it might be nice to go meet his wife and celebrate their baby.  His mom threw a baby shower for me when I was pregnant with my first.

However, the invitation requested bringing a book with a note written inside instead of a card, bringing a package of diapers for some sort of raffle, and then a gift from their registry.  That seems like a lot to expect someone to spend, especially on someone I don't really know and am not close to.  Is this a normal thing to request?  Am I just horribly behind the times?  I don't want to be a scrooge, but that just seems a bit over the top for requests.  I think maybe I am just getting old.

After reading the expectations, I thought maybe I would ask my mom to just take a present from me with her to the shower, but she isn't wanting to go either.  She feels like they are asking too much.  Her current plan, which could change after she talked to my sister, is to just drop off a present with my cousins mom.

[itsheresomewhere]

The book thing is common around here.  Personally, I like it.  The diaper thing is odd to me.  

[BusyMom5]

I like the book suggestion, but you don't have to bring anything you don't want to.  I do see Diaper showers for second babies, where mom doesn't need as much- but that's instead of a gift.  I only did one shower with my first 👶  The others, close friends and family still brought gifts as they visited.  The shower should be about celebrating,  not getting gifts.

[Loowit]

5 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

The book thing is common around here.  Personally, I like it.  The diaper thing is odd to me.  

I think the book thing is cute, although writing a note would be difficult as I would have no idea what to say.  And honestly with the cost of cards, a book isn't that much more.  I think it just threw me with the amount of requests.  I have heard of just diapers showers, or just book showers, but not everything together.

[mlktwins]

I would probably do the book (I like this idea) and a gift.  I wouldn’t participate in the diaper/raffle thing.  

[Ting Tang]

11 minutes ago, Loowit said:

I got invited to a baby shower for my cousin's wife, whom I have never met.  I haven't seen my cousin in years, but I thought it might be nice to go meet his wife and celebrate their baby.  His mom threw a baby shower for me when I was pregnant with my first.

However, the invitation requested bringing a book with a note written inside instead of a card, bringing a package of diapers for some sort of raffle, and then a gift from their registry.  That seems like a lot to expect someone to spend, especially on someone I don't really know and am not close to.  Is this a normal thing to request?  Am I just horribly behind the times?  I don't want to be a scrooge, but that just seems a bit over the top for requests.  I think maybe I am just getting old.

After reading the expectations, I thought maybe I would ask my mom to just take a present from me with her to the shower, but she isn't wanting to go either.  She feels like they are asking too much.  Her current plan, which could change after she talked to my sister, is to just drop off a present with my cousins mom.

I think the book thing originated somewhat from cards being so expensive, why not spend it on a book instead? thinking.  I could also understand requesting diapers perhaps in lieu of gifts.  But requesting three gifts during these economic times seems to be in bad taste, in my opinion.  

[Arcadia]

Book isn’t unusual but since a note would be written inside, it would make sense to supply a book list with the invitation or have the book list on the baby shower registry. I ended up with three copies of Chicka Chicka Boom Boom which I could give the extras away since none had a note written in them.

Diapers is odd though. Any diapers that were given to me and my relatives were given after our kids were born so that my relatives could get the preferred brand and size. My kids didn’t like the Pampers newborn diapers for example and luckily ours were samples. 

[itsheresomewhere]

3 minutes ago, Loowit said:

I think the book thing is cute, although writing a note would be difficult as I would have no idea what to say.  And honestly with the cost of cards, a book isn't that much more.  I think it just threw me with the amount of requests.  I have heard of just diapers showers, or just book showers, but not everything together.

Keep the note generic.  Something like welcome to the world little one .

Another popular way is to get one of those post it sticky notes that stick on all sides and write the note in it.  That way if they receive multiple copies, they can remove the note and give the book away. 

[Arcadia]

Just now, itsheresomewhere said:

Another popular way is to get one of those post it sticky notes that stick on all sides and write the note in it.  That way if they receive multiple copies, they can remove the note and give the book away. 

I was thinking of making a bookmark and writing on it. My kids kept their bookmarks as mementos. 

[Lillyfee]

For my baby showers I got a book all my friends got together and each wrote a little note in it. That was really cute.

I personally would never request any gifts and especially nothing specific. I would feel rude asking for stuff and assuming everybody wants to spend a lot of money. I grew up that way. 

However, it is different everywhere.

 

[Kanin]

I really can't stand it when people require certain gifts for events. Like... a book and a note is sweet, but.... mandating that plus other stuff is a bit much for me, personally. Did the invitation say, "If you would like to bring a gift, then we'd love to have X?" or, "Please bring a book with a note, diapers, AND another gift?

[kristin0713]

I was just at my cousin’s shower and the invite said the same thing. I did include a book with her gift but stuck a paper note inside so she could exchange it in case she got duplicates. I didn’t bring diapers for the raffle and, actually, most people didn’t, either.   

[happi duck]

I think both are normal but I've never seen both at the same time

[gardenmom5]

They are either out of touch wtih reality -

or greedy.  Maybe they've been reading too many baby mags of what people with lots of discretionary money are doing.

what is it with diapers for a raffle?  what is being raffled?  are the diapers supposed to be your ticket to enter the raffle?

If you want to send a gift, you could do that and not go - or diapers, or whatever. (you do NOT have to buy from the registry.  that is never mandatory - no matter what mom-to-be or grandma-to-be say)

 

[Loowit]

1 minute ago, Kanin said:

I really can't stand it when people require certain gifts for events. Like... a book and a note is sweet, but.... mandating that plus other stuff is a bit much for me, personally. Did the invitation say, "If you would like to bring a gift, then we'd love to have X?" or, "Please bring a book with a note, diapers, AND another gift?

The request for the book was on a separate insert, with a poem for the request.  The invitation said to bring an unwrapped package of diapers (no brand or size request) for a raffle (what are they raffling?) and then listed where they are registered for gifts.

I am always a bit wary of getting diapers for a few reasons.  My middle was so large at birth he didn't fit into newborn size diapers.  I used mostly cloth diapers, and was picky about the brands of disposable I used.  Some babies do better with different brands.  I get it is nice to have a big supply, but IME it is better to wait for the baby to see what brand and size you need.

[MercyA]

This is very typical for shower invitations I've received lately. It seems rude and demanding to me. I have several loved ones who would *not* be able to afford all that. Usually the diaper raffle is phrased as an optional thing on the invitations I've received, but still.

I love buying baby stuff and especially children's books, so it doesn't bother me too much, but, yeah. I don't agree with it at all in principle.  It's very impolite to specify what gifts to bring to any event--or actually to request them at all.

There are nice board books on Amazon for under $5, but that's still more than I'd spend on a $0.50 card at Dollar Tree. 😉 

Edited May 13, 2022 by MercyA

[Red Dove]

I went to a baby shower once that was like that.  I’m pretty sure it was all good intentions.  The book thing: buy a $5 book instead of a $5 card.  Money better spent.  

The diaper raffle: This seems to be a popular “game” for the baby shower.  People love raffles, right?  Why not overload the person with diapers (which are super useful).  

Then they have a gift registry, because people will ask what “theme” or what you want…

When I went to that baby shower, I just skipped the diaper raffle.  The thing about baby showers is that usually someone else is throwing it for you.  The recipient of the baby shower may not want to tell the person throwing the shower for her what she thinks (that that’s asking for too many things) and risk hurting feelings.  When I had a shower thrown for me, the hostess asked that no children come, which hurt some of my friends‘ feelings. But that was the hostess’s decision, not mine.  Likewise, the baby shower that asked for a book, diapers, and a gift was for a good friend of mine.  She was very embarrassed about the amount of gifts being asked for, but it was thrown by her MIL, so she didn’t want to hurt MIL’s feelings.  From the perspective of the MIL, she was probably over-zealous about “showering” her daughter-i-law with gifts.  

[kristin0713]

I don’t think it’s rude or demanding or out of touch with reality. The point of a shower is to shower the new parents with gifts. I’m always happy to shop from a registry so that I know I’m getting what they need. I’m sure they don’t want a gift from someone who buys it begrudgingly so I’d say that anyone who is annoyed by the request should not go. 

[MercyA]

3 minutes ago, kristin0713 said:

I don’t think it’s rude or demanding or out of touch with reality. The point of a shower is to shower the new parents with gifts. I’m always happy to shop from a registry so that I know I’m getting what they need. I’m sure they don’t want a gift from someone who buys it begrudgingly so I’d say that anyone who is annoyed by the request should not go. 

First of all, not everyone has the disposable income to spend $10 on diapers, $5 on a book, and $15-$20 on a gift. That doesn't mean they are giving begrudgingly. 

Secondly, anyone who wants to do so is very welcome to shower the mother with gifts! That's wonderful and I know I appreciated all the beautiful gifts I received at my own shower. But it shouldn't be *demanded*. People should bring what they afford and not made to be feel unwelcome if they can't bring everything requested. 

[Lillyfee]

Oh, that's where the name comes from 

I did not know about baby showers before I came to the US and assumed it was to celebrate the expecting mom.

When we just came here my neighbor threw one for me. We were all pretty poor and we had some folding chairs and smores (the first time I had them). The neighbors that showed up all gave me something small like a chocolate or some diapers and some did not bring anything. It was super fun.

The other ones were fancier then but I honestly liked the first one the most and it was such a wonderful surprise thar my neighbor did that for me even I did not really know her that well.

[Katy]

I think it’s normal but not super polite. Get the smallest package of Pampers baby dry in size 3 or 4, and if you only have $10 left in your gift budget you can always give cash or a gift card for wherever they are registered. If they are registered multiple places, choose Target. 

[kirstenhill]

I've seen either the book OR the diaper thing but usually not both in the same shower.  Honestly not everyone who attends chooses to participate - I went to a baby shower last year where there was a "diaper raffle" (bring a bag of diapers for the baby, get entered into a prize drawing).  Out of 20 people at the shower, only 5 or 6 brought diapers.  Some people will buy what they want to buy and ignore the suggestion.  You can get a small generic pack of diapers for $5 and a board book for $5-10...you could do that and spend less on the other gift(s) you plan to bring.  I usually spend $30+ on shower gifts, but end up spending less overall if $5 goes to a book or diapers. 

[Lillyfee]

If it would say to bring these gifts I would feel obligated to bring them. I don't know if other people feel the same way.

That is why I would never write down to bring gifts. Even if people ask I tell them first that there is no need to bring anything. If they insist that they want to get something I say what we would like to have.

I feel it's less awkward to ask which gift to bring than showing up with less gifts than expected.

[HS Mom in NC]

That's weirdly specific and unreasonable if they mean book + diapers +gift registry item. If they meant all of that to be a menu-type list of different types of gifts they'd particularly like and only mean for people to select 1 from that list, then they should've used clearer language. 

If they mean all that, they're clueless. Not every invitee will have the money to spend on all of that for a baby shower set of gifts.  Many people buy a card at the dollar store, so requesting guests buy a book instead of a card isn't necessarily the same price as a card. It all seems controlling and greedy, whether or not it was intended that way. 

Now, if they mean a note written on a separate piece of paper and tucked into the book, that's fine. If they mean they want notes written on the inside of the book cover for a keepsake to read to the child as they age, that's weirdly unrealistic. What will they do with 4 copies of Good Night Moon, two copies of The Very Hungry Caterpillar, and 2 copies of Chick A Chick A Boom Boom with written notes on the inside covers?  Few people keep baby/toddler/preschooler books when their children are older, which is when reading keepsake comments would be most meaningful. It's entirely possible I misunderstand, but the request sounds strange.

I've only been in 2 baby showers in the last 6 years (one last month, one 6 years ago) and plenty before then and I've never heard of anything that specific except for a few cases where the parents were financially struggling, got baby item hand me downs from friends and church members, then asked for specific formula and diapers in a variety of sizes. (Baby was already born because she came early in one case and were 2nd and 3rd babies in a place with weather that relatively constant year round.)  That seemed reasonable to me.

If it were me, I'd send 1 gift of either a book or diapers and not bother attending.  It sounds like a potential minefield of resentment if people don't follow orders. And as stated, the OP isn't close to them. Ain't got not time for that.

[teachermom2834]

I think everyone gets all these cute and fun ideas from Pinterest and TikTok and blogs and all that and everything is just so *extra* nowadays it can be hard to participate it what seem like basic things without alot  of money to spend. I think the intentions are good it is just a little clueless sometimes.

I know when my kids were in the stage of going to birthday parties it was hard because I would feel like they were coming home with party favors that were more expensive than what I had sent as a gift. Expectations just have really exploded and I don’t even live amongst well to do people. 
 

So I doubt the intent was to be rude or greedy but it does come off that way and make it hard to participate. I think the most graceful way of handling this is to go in on a gift with someone else and then conveniently forget about the diapers. I think people can be clueless and rude and inconsiderate but I do think the number of people that would truly want someone to stay home if they weren’t fully participating is tiny. So I would just do what you can and make the best of it. Perhaps an auntie or trusted wise relative will be able to clue the hosts in on the tone of the invitation. 

Edited May 13, 2022 by teachermom2834

[vonfirmath]

1 hour ago, Arcadia said:

Book isn’t unusual but since a note would be written inside, it would make sense to supply a book list with the invitation or have the book list on the baby shower registry. I ended up with three copies of Chicka Chicka Boom Boom which I could give the extras away since none had a note written in them.

Diapers is odd though. Any diapers that were given to me and my relatives were given after our kids were born so that my relatives could get the preferred brand and size. My kids didn’t like the Pampers newborn diapers for example and luckily ours were samples. 

I got a ton of diapers at my baby showers. They were various sizes so I held onto them and used them as I went. The diapers in the diaper Cake were Target brand, which was what made me realize I liked those so much

 

[Red Dove]

This reminds me of weddings…. Gifts for the guests to bring home, gift for the groom from the bride and also in reverse, gifts given to all the bridesmaids and groomsmen, and on and on.  Then the gifts expected from the guests…gift for the wedding, bridal shower, and oh, are you going to the bachelorette party, and on and on and on.  

The amount of money spent racks up for the guests AND the host/hostess on obligatory gifts and events.  I have a feeling both sides would appreciate a simpler celebration with less obligations.  

[Carrie12345]

Years ago, my cousin’s wife’s shower was book+diapers+registry.

Do I think it was a demand? Of course not. Do I feel it creates pressure to do all the things? Absolutely.
I did all the things (looked like most others did, too), and I felt icky about it.

[ktgrok]

1 hour ago, itsheresomewhere said:

The book thing is common around here.  Personally, I like it.  The diaper thing is odd to me.  

book plus gift from registry, or just book? I've seen book showers, but not ones that request a book AND another gift. 

[J-rap]

I kind of like the idea of bringing diapers -- kind of boring but that's a necessity and costs add up!

I personally would never ask anyone to bring anything -- that feels rude, even if it's silently expected.  I guess if anything, I'd state "If you'd like to bring something, please bring a favorite book with a note inside."  Or, "If you'd like to bring something, please bring a package of diapers so we can help keep the new parents supplied for awhile."  I would never state to bring all three, and I haven't seen that anywhere either.  (Although I haven't been to many baby showers lately!)

People are probably savvy enough to know that there's a baby registrar somewhere, and if they want to choose from that, they can ask about it.

The main reason I'd go is to keep up family ties.  Maybe the cousin is thinking it'd be nice to introduce his wife to other extended family members.  Sometimes those are the only events that bring extended families together.  I was super close to my cousins growing up, but since we've become adults with our own families we rarely see each other.  Now we just gather once every few years for a wedding or special birthday or funeral or high school graduation.  I'm glad we've been able to have those excuses to see each other now and then!

If I were you, I'd go in on a gift with your mother.  

I'm tired of celebrations getting bigger and pricier and more out-there.  I also don't think people are trying to be greedy;  they just so easily follow the trends without thinking.   But, I've started seeing wedding celebrations going the other direction now -- simplifying -- since Covid.  People I've talked to have decided they really like it simple!  Hopefully that's a trend that will keep up.

 

Edited May 13, 2022 by J-rap

[ktgrok]

I've been to regular showers, book showers, and diaper showers. I have been to one that was a regular shower, but you could also bring diapers to enter into a drawing. But Not ones that request all three. 

[katilac]

1 hour ago, Red Dove said:

The book thing: buy a $5 book instead of a $5 card.  Money better spent.  

I have never in my life spent $5 on a card. I don't think it's valid or fair to assume that everybody does, as a matter of course. 

7 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

book plus gift from registry, or just book? I've seen book showers, but not ones that request a book AND another gift. 

I have never seen it NOT be book and regular gift. The most common wording is, book instead of card. Here's a poorly rhymed example: 

Just one request, we hope it's not hard 

Please bring a book instead of a card. 

By signing the book 

We will remember and share 

This special gift from you

Even when you're not there 

Or they just say, Please skip the card and bring a book to fill baby's shelves!

 

[katilac]

I meant to add that these requests don't keep me from going to baby showers; I just ignore them and show up with my gift, my cheap card, and no diapers, lol. 

[ktgrok]

27 minutes ago, katilac said:

I have never in my life spent $5 on a card. I don't think it's valid or fair to assume that everybody does, as a matter of course. 

I have never seen it NOT be book and regular gift. The most common wording is, book instead of card. Here's a poorly rhymed example: 

Just one request, we hope it's not hard 

Please bring a book instead of a card. 

By signing the book 

We will remember and share 

This special gift from you

Even when you're not there 

Or they just say, Please skip the card and bring a book to fill baby's shelves!

 

What happens when they end up with 6 copies of Goodnight Moon, all signed with special notes? 

Also, books are not cheap! 

[Forget-Me-Not]

I’ve seen both the book thing and the diaper raffle thing. To expect both of those, plus a registry gift seems excessive, even for a baby shower where the whole point  is gifts.
 

Honestly, I’d say just bring what you want to bring and decline the other suggestions. They aren’t going to have a bouncer at the door turning away people who didn’t bring a book or a pack of diapers (unless showers have reached a whole new level of crazy since the last one I attended LOL).  I know I’ve certainly ignored those requests in the past and just turned up with the nice gift I’d planned to give all along. Also nothing wrong with a polite decline if you want to opt out altogether. 

[Farrar]

It feels like any one of those requests is totally good, but all three together feels like a lot.

Board books are about the cost of a card. I mean, they're both about $5. So I think that's fine.

As for the diapers, I figure it's low risk even if it's hard to game out. As long as they have space, you can always get some size 1's instead of NB. They'll keep. And if it's somehow "wrong" then they can always just donate them to the local diaper bank.

[WildflowerMom]

20 yrs ago, my cousins threw my baby shower. This was in the time of TLC's 'A Baby Story' (remember that show??) and I had one particularly overbearing cousin who was especially influenced by an episode where the couple had a book shower.   My cousin absolutely *insisted* on including a note in my shower invitations asking each guest to bring a book *along with* their wrapped gift.  I was mortified.   She came over to my house with a stack of invites and I helped her address them and she had this little note she wanted me to write in my half of the invites.  Sooooo, I told her I wrote it and I really didn't.  So half my guests got the invites she addressed with the request to bring a book and half didn't.  I didn't care, I didn't feel like I could stand up to her (I was 22 and hadn't perfected my RBF at that point).   I just could not imagine dictating that people buy me two separate gifts.  I still don't like it.    However, now when I give baby gifts I usually give a stack of books and a pack of diapers, usually a size 3.  

[Guest]

I like the book thing, although I don’t like writing a note in it. I did participate in the book thing but that was mostly my gift. It was a nice book I really loved with my kids and a package of dipes. 
 

When the baby arrived, she also got a hand-loom-knit blanket, so…that’s not nothin’. 

[katilac]

Wow, this lady is not playing. Notice that guests are instructed to bring a book in the invitation, and it's explicitly called an extra gift (snipped for brevity:

Everyone is instructed in the invitation to bring their favorite book from when they were a child.

For a game, each person can show their favorite book, tell what it is about and why they loved it as a child.

Then they can present the books to the mother as an extra gift for the baby.

1 minute ago, ktgrok said:

What happens when they end up with 6 copies of Goodnight Moon, all signed with special notes? 

Also, books are not cheap! 

idk, and you know it has to happen! 

Totally agree that books are not cheap. I just bought 3 books for an upcoming baby. The bath book, the kind with plastic-pages that can get wet, was $6. Each of the regular board books were $7.  Those aren't even books you can write in, anyway. Many of the sample invites I've seen seem to be implying a nice childhood book, not a board book. 

[WildflowerMom]

And since I was too busy talking about myself in my above post, I didn't answer your question. 😆😆😆

👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽

I would just go along with it, IF I had the means.  If I didn't, if it was going to be any kind of strain financially, I wouldn't feel any sort of pressure whatsoever to bring 3 gifts at all.   Just do what you can and that's it. 

[WildflowerMom]

10 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

What happens when they end up with 6 copies of Goodnight Moon, all signed with special notes? 

Also, books are not cheap! 

I always wondered this, too.   I always get books that aren't the popular everyday books.   

[Clarita]

I've only been to showers where it's books/used things/diapers in lieu of the usual gifts.  Then the MIL or mother of the pregnant woman may contribute to some elaborate gift like a stroller or crib or whatever.

Do keep in mind though the pregnant person may not be the person making the requests. A lot of times close friends do a lot of the deciding in these things and it's not clear which requests come from the guest of honor and which are from their friends.

The book thing can be cheaper than a card because you can give a used book, whereas you can't really give a used card. A lot of people with young kids have the odd package of diapers sitting around because their kids out grew that size. So if a lot of the invitees also have young kids maybe they thought it'd be a nice way to get rid of and gift these things to the new mom.

Just providing another perspective. Although, I do agree if everything has to be new it's a bit much.

[katilac]

6 minutes ago, Farrar said:

Board books are about the cost of a card. I mean, they're both about $5. So I think that's fine.

Color me surprised that so many people routinely buy $5 cards! Me and @MercyA will just be at the dollar store if you need us 🤣

 

2 minutes ago, Clarita said:

 The book thing can be cheaper than a card because you can give a used book, whereas you can't really give a used card. 

The vast majority of the invitations I've seen do not mention used books. I like that idea way more, but it should still be presented as an option, not a full-on request. Something like "If you'd like to bring a book instead of a card, we welcome old favorites from your bookshelf" is so much better, imo, than, "We request that you bring a book instead of a card." 

[teachermom2834]

3 minutes ago, katilac said:

Color me surprised that so many people routinely buy $5 cards! Me and @MercyA will just be at the dollar store if you need us 🤣

Well...if I really want to make a good impression I'll hit the dollar store. If we are close it is just "hey that one is from me!" 😆 I also find if you have a little kid you can get by with them making a card and it is cute and you get to be cheap.

 

[Annie G]

6 minutes ago, katilac said:

Color me surprised that so many people routinely buy $5 cards! Me and @MercyA will just be at the dollar store if you need us 🤣

 

 

I’ll be the lady standing in the dollar store card aisle with a big list- June brings four birthdays in our family and several graduations, plus Father’s Day.  I’m not spending $5 on cards!

[vonfirmath]

21 minutes ago, katilac said:

Wow, this lady is not playing. Notice that guests are instructed to bring a book in the invitation, and it's explicitly called an extra gift (snipped for brevity:

Everyone is instructed in the invitation to bring their favorite book from when they were a child.

For a game, each person can show their favorite book, tell what it is about and why they loved it as a child.

Then they can present the books to the mother as an extra gift for the baby.

idk, and you know it has to happen! 

Totally agree that books are not cheap. I just bought 3 books for an upcoming baby. The bath book, the kind with plastic-pages that can get wet, was $6. Each of the regular board books were $7.  Those aren't even books you can write in, anyway. Many of the sample invites I've seen seem to be implying a nice childhood book, not a board book. 

I tend to get SAndra Boynton books, whether or not the invitation requests it.

I do not buy a card -- for almost anything. I make my own cards. but I really appreciated getting sandra Boynton books when my son was little -- an author I'd never heard of. So I pass it along now.

 

[catz]

I think that is OTT and rude, especially for a shower that is inviting a broader circle of family and this is literally someone you haven't met or kept in touch with the spouse for years.  If it were nearest and dearest that were all in on the planning, maybe I could see it.  I could see doing books or diapers in lieu of a registry gift. 

Honestly, I usually decline shower invitations like this unless this were a group of family or old friends I really wanted to catch up with.  Smells like a gift grab to me.  Somehow I managed to have 2 kids without having a shower at all.  They both got tons of gifts anyway.  

Edited May 13, 2022 by catz

[katilac]

7 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

Well...if I really want to make a good impression I'll hit the dollar store. If we are close it is just "hey that one is from me!" 😆  

yes, I definitely do that too!

4 minutes ago, Annie G said:

I’ll be the lady standing in the dollar store card aisle with a big list- June brings four birthdays in our family and several graduations, plus Father’s Day.  I’m not spending $5 on cards!

I guess not! Even assuming that 'several' means just three, you'd be $40 in before you got started on gifts. 

[Harriet Vane]

Same exact scenario, minus the diapers. My niece's shower is this weekend. Their book request says it's great to give a used OR new book. I like books instead of cards, personally. 

I think it's fine to do whatever you want, quite frankly, because they are gifts. Give a book if you want. Give diapers if you want. Or not. Give whatever gift seems right to you and treat the other requests as suggestions.

[ktgrok]

I sometimes buy $5 cards, but only if I ran out of time and cant sort through to find good cheaper ones. And even then, I'm mumbling about the downfall of society under my breath when I do.