So sick of promposals!!!!

[Grace Hopper]

DD came home from school very glum. She was approached in the hall at school by a classmate with flowers and candy and a sign, and asked to prom in front of a lot of people. This guy is someone she knows only casually in class and he does not hang out with her friend group. 
 

She was put on the spot and realized it would totally embarrass him to say no in front of a crowd. Now she is in her room crying louder than I think I’ve ever heard her cry.

I am angry and sad for her. I told her that she should contact him tonight and privately explain that she’d rather keep the plans she had to go with her friend group. She is already a bit of a pariah in her class for standing up regularly to a group of misogynistic boys in her class, and she is weary weary weary from them spreading hate about her because she doesn’t tolerate their bs. She knows if she rejects today’s promposal, they’ll have more ammo, will tell everyone how mean she is. She just feels like she can’t win. I told her I was surprised she said yes, but she said she is so tired of being the only one standing up for girls against this sort of thing, and she really didn’t want to embarrass the poor guy asking. 

But having to call him and deliver such news upsets her just as much. And I am so sad for her to have felt pressured to be in this situation where there’s no happy path in either direction.

Anyway, it’s time to end this sort of tradition that puts girls in this situation. Or guys, if the tables were turned. Public asks just suck. 
 

ETA I didn’t make this a JAWM because I honestly could use some advice on how to counsel her through this. I just know she’s going to now be miserable either way. 

Edited April 11, 2022 by Grace Hopper

[Carrie12345]

I am genuinely sorry. No person should EVER feel coerced into a date they don’t want. And the entire “tradition” (if you can call it that this soon) is insane.

[fraidycat]

Ugh. That sucks. I'm sorry for your DD and you for having to see her hurting.

Can your DD have a conversation with the boy to find out exactly what the prom-posal was about. Like does he only want a date for the prom, or is this his way of saying he would like to date her regularly because he's had a crush on her for awhile and he finally found the gumption to ask her because it was a "now or never" type of thing?

I agree that public asks just suck. 
 

 

[Grace Hopper]

1 minute ago, fraidycat said:

Ugh. That sucks. I'm sorry for your DD and you for having to see her hurting.

Can your DD have a conversation with the boy to find out exactly what the prom-posal was about. Like does he only want a date for the prom, or is this his way of saying he would like to date her regularly because he's had a crush on her for awhile and he finally found the gumption to ask her because it was a "now or never" type of thing?

I agree that public asks just suck. 
 

 

I don’t think the answer would matter, she is not interested in a level of friendship with him more than the current one (polite acquaintances), regardless of what he’s thinking. 

[Dianthus]

I would tell my daughter to tell him the truth. "I didn't want to embarass you by saying no in public, but I just want to go with a group of friends."

[teachermom2834]

Ugh. I agree. I know a boy who orchestrated with the school office staff to ask a girl to prom over the loudspeaker in front of the whole school. She was like “um no. I have a boyfriend.” He didn’t even know her well enough to know she had a boyfriend and none of the adults involved could think better of it and not facilitate it?

I agree with you. I’m sorry for you and your dd!

[Melissa Louise]

Just now, Spirea said:

I would tell my daughter to tell him the truth. "I didn't want to embarass you by saying no in public, but I just want to go with a group of friends."

I'd change this slightly 

"I didn't want to embarrass you by saying no in public, but I'll be going to prom with a group of friends."

 

[Grace Hopper]

7 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

Ugh. I agree. I know a boy who orchestrated with the school office staff to ask a girl to prom over the loudspeaker in front of the whole school. She was like “um no. I have a boyfriend.” He didn’t even know her well enough to know she had a boyfriend and none of the adults involved could think better of it and not facilitate it?

I agree with you. I’m sorry for you and your dd!

Good grief. I am always surprised by how many people don’t see a situation past the end of their own nose. 
 

I guess I’m glad this is just a school dance. I think a lot of girls end up engaged like this. 

[fairfarmhand]

Does she know him well enough to invite him along in her friend group, just to give him a way of sort of saving face?

[Corraleno]

I'm so sorry this happened to your DD, it's so unfair to put someone on the spot like that. I agree with others that she needs to tell him ASAP that she only said yes to avoid embarrassing him publicly and that she plans to go with friends. Then he can ask someone else (privately!) if he chooses.

[Grace Hopper]

12 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Does she know him well enough to invite him along in her friend group, just to give him a way of sort of saving face?

I kind of suggested that to her. I think it’s too “hot” at the moment but we will talk later tonight, after an event we are attending this evening. Maybe she can call him and amend his promposal by suggesting just that, that he join he existing friend group.
 

I did recommend contacting him as soon as possible so he would have the opportunity to ask someone else. Just knowing her, I think she would be mortified over the whole traditional guy come to pick her up and she’s stuck in a car alone with him, kwim? I don’t want that for her, so he’s at least going to have to agree to just meet her there. 
 

She is very kind hearted and may go for this, but honestly, this guy has never hung around the same group as her and I bet she’d feel responsible for making sure he’s entertained all night. 
 

Edited April 11, 2022 by Grace Hopper

[HS Mom in NC]

Yep, someone needs to tell these askers that liking the whole promposal stupidity is personality specific.  Many people hate hate hate it. Not everyone is the "Look at me!" type.  I really feel for those being asked, and I do kind of feel sorry for the oblivious askers who have no idea how awful they're being.

[mom2scouts]

Your poor daughter. I have sons and I cringe whenever I see those stupid promposals. I think they started with dating couples who knew the girl was going to say yes, but there's a LOT of pressure on other guys to make asking a girl to prom into a big event. It's hard enough for some guys to get up the courage to ask someone to prom, but then he has to decide whether to do it quietly and have the girl upset that she didn't get the big themed proposal or do a promposal and risk being turned down in public. Then, as with your daughter, the girl might have to decide whether to embarrass the guy in public or agree to something she doesn't really want to do. Soon my FB page will be full of parents gushing about how a guy showed up (usually with friends in tow) carrying a stupid sign, candy, balloons or whatever and then many of their friends gush about how it's all SO exciting. UGH! I think it ends poorly more often than we know.

[KSera]

17 minutes ago, mom2scouts said:

I think they started with dating couples who knew the girl was going to say yes, but there's a LOT of pressure on other guys to make asking a girl to prom into a big event.

I think much of this is social media. People want to create an event to photograph/video to share on their social media feed. A private ask doesn’t provide that. Same reason for gender reveal parties. 

[Katy]

I would tell her to do whatever she thinks best, but I would probably go with him and convince him to hang out with her friends that night. It’s possible he’s a cool guy who genuinely likes that she stands up for what she thinks is right and he genuinely likes her in more than a shallow way. Also, just because it’s a date doesn’t mean it has to be romantic.

[PaxEtLux]

While I usually advocate that teens find their own solutions to problems the world throws at them, I feel badly for your DD.  Would you consider calling the boy's mom yourself, and explaining the situation, so that she doesn't have to?

[Guest]

You’re right! They totally need to GO. In the “me too” era, it’s crazy to me that such a thing is proliferating. 
 

Im so sorry for your dd, @Grace Hopper. Seeing my son cry over the recent social kerfuffle at my home makes me…stabby. For real, with each of my kids, their crying over socially stressful things hurt me so much. I’d rather deal with the worst strep throat or ER visit than teens who feel rejected, unloved or outcast. 

[Grace Hopper]

2 hours ago, mom2scouts said:

Your poor daughter. I have sons and I cringe whenever I see those stupid promposals. I think they started with dating couples who knew the girl was going to say yes, but there's a LOT of pressure on other guys to make asking a girl to prom into a big event. It's hard enough for some guys to get up the courage to ask someone to prom, but then he has to decide whether to do it quietly and have the girl upset that she didn't get the big themed proposal or do a promposal and risk being turned down in public. Then, as with your daughter, the girl might have to decide whether to embarrass the guy in public or agree to something she doesn't really want to do. Soon my FB page will be full of parents gushing about how a guy showed up (usually with friends in tow) carrying a stupid sign, candy, balloons or whatever and then many of their friends gush about how it's all SO exciting. UGH! I think it ends poorly more often than we know.

I also have boys, and they were the quiet ask type. Maybe bring some flowers, but not a big deal in front of a crowd. You’re right, though, in this culture it’s hard for the boys, too, they have to play a guessing game. Something I also think odd is the big ask for a couple that’s already going steady. I mean, what’s to ask? Don’t they just *know* they’re going together? That imo just sets a performance model for the relationship, one that’s likely expected to escalate with each event. But maybe I’m just a boring old lady. 

1 hour ago, Katy said:

I would tell her to do whatever she thinks best, but I would probably go with him and convince him to hang out with her friends that night. It’s possible he’s a cool guy who genuinely likes that she stands up for what she thinks is right and he genuinely likes her in more than a shallow way. Also, just because it’s a date doesn’t mean it has to be romantic.

He may be cool and genuinely like her, but I wish his first out of the blue expression of it wasn’t for something as high stakes as senior prom, kwim? Like, meet her for coffee or something and see if there’s potential before bringing out the big guns. 

1 hour ago, PaxEtLux said:

While I usually advocate that teens find their own solutions to problems the world throws at them, I feel badly for your DD.  Would you consider calling the boy's mom yourself, and explaining the situation, so that she doesn't have to?

Well when my daughter was in her room crying you gotta know I went through a mental list of ways I could FIX IT. That idea was probably one that flashed through my mind. But my rational stance is to examine with her the several possible courses of action, and then to affirm and support *her* decision on the matter. 

1 hour ago, Quill said:

You’re right! They totally need to GO. In the “me too” era, it’s crazy to me that such a thing is proliferating. 
 

Im so sorry for your dd, @Grace Hopper. Seeing my son cry over the recent social kerfuffle at my home makes me…stabby. For real, with each of my kids, their crying over socially stressful things hurt me so much. I’d rather deal with the worst strep throat or ER visit than teens who feel rejected, unloved or outcast. 

#stopthepromposal 

I might have to make that go viral. It’s probably safer than getting stabby. 😂

She’s out with friends right now, hopefully they will give her some sound advice. 

 

Edited April 12, 2022 by Grace Hopper

[Melissa Louise]

I hope she knows that being kind' also includes being kind to yourself, and that changing your mind is ok, particularly when a yes was obtained under pressure. 

[kirstenhill]

I'm so sorry that happened to her.  My DD17 was asked to prom this year by a boy she hardly knows.  She didn't even know his name, only that they have a class together.   Luckily it was just a casual ask, and she was able to tell him that she didn't feel comfortable going to prom with him since she hardly knows him.   A week or so later a boy she's been friends with for a couple of years (and knows well enough to have hung out together a couple times) asked her, and I think she was very glad he just texted her to ask, because she even wanted to think that through before saying "yes."    

[Ting Tang]

I hate promposals, too. Can we save elaborate proposals for marriages instead? I like the advice of telling him she didn’t want to embarrass him but she is going with friends. School staff participating in this type of thing sort of rubs me the wrong way, too. These are kids. 

[Grace Hopper]

7 minutes ago, kirstenhill said:

I'm so sorry that happened to her.  My DD17 was asked to prom this year by a boy she hardly knows.  She didn't even know his name, only that they have a class together.   Luckily it was just a casual ask, and she was able to tell him that she didn't feel comfortable going to prom with him since she hardly knows him.   A week or so later a boy she's been friends with for a couple of years (and knows well enough to have hung out together a couple times) asked her, and I think she was very glad he just texted her to ask, because she even wanted to think that through before saying "yes."    

I’m glad it worked out for your dd. I’m regretting that I didn’t anticipate prom ask season and help her prepare a reaction for this kind of situation.
 

To me this is a sad thing for my girl. I know for sure that if she does tell promposal guy that she’s changed her mind, she wouldn’t then feel comfortable saying yes if someone she actually would enjoy going with were to ask in next week or so. 
 

 

[busymama7]

Around here the girl (or boy in the case of girls choice or just sometimes they do it that way) the one asked is to also reply in an elaborate way.  They don't respond in the moment. So sorry this happened and hope she has to courage to call it off. 

[Grace Hopper]

Just now, busymama7 said:

Around here the girl (or boy in the case of girls choice or just sometimes they do it that way) the one asked is to also reply in an elaborate way.  They don't respond in the moment. So sorry this happened and hope she has to courage to call it off. 

Oh my goodness. I wonder how many times has the response been a giant flower and candy coated NOPE. 

[KSera]

19 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said:

 I know for sure that if she does tell promposal guy that she’s changed her mind, she wouldn’t then feel comfortable saying yes if someone she actually would enjoy going with were to ask in next week or so. 
 

I feel like this is really a consent lesson for boys (and for the girl as well). They need to learn that it's always okay for a girl to say no, even if she says yes to someone else. If she tells him she changed her mind and then later gets asked by someone she really does want to go with, that's totally okay; she gets to go with who she wants.

[Grace Hopper]

13 minutes ago, KSera said:

I feel like this is really a consent lesson for boys (and for the girl as well). They need to learn that it's always okay for a girl to say no, even if she says yes to someone else. If she tells him she changed her mind and then later gets asked by someone she really does want to go with, that's totally okay; she gets to go with who she wants.

Thank you, I will try to express this to her. 

[2squared]

I don’t like the promposals either, but at our school, both parties agree yes before the promposal happens. 

Our school requires a two personal couple for the grand March, so everyone is paired up. No one attends solo or solo in a big group. 
 

I hate making the promposals. We’ve done two so far with many more in our future. 

[Frances]

55 minutes ago, 2squared said:

I don’t like the promposals either, but at our school, both parties agree yes before the promposal happens. 

Our school requires a two personal couple for the grand March, so everyone is paired up. No one attends solo or solo in a big group. 
 

I hate making the promposals. We’ve done two so far with many more in our future. 

Both things seem so strange. What’s the point of a promposal if they’ve already agreed to go together and requiring two person couples just seems wrong on so many levels. Now I’m curious where you live.

Edited April 12, 2022 by Frances

[Farrar]

I get the agreed to promposal thing - that's like how you're talking with your SO about marriage and you're both basically on board, but nothing's super official, and then someone stages a proposal. Same thing but for a high school couple. Like, duh, of course you're going to prom with your romantic partner, but the ask is meant to be fun. That seems fine. I mean, silly, but it's teenagers.

But are there really proms where people have to be paired up to even attend! I've never heard of such a thing.

[kristin0713]

7 hours ago, 2squared said:

I hate making the promposals. We’ve done two so far with many more in our future. 

What do you mean by *you* hate making the promposals? 
 

[DawnM]

I think promposals are dumb, but whatever......but they should ONLY be done when you are confident the other recipient is interested, that is my opinion.   He didn't know if she was interested and that is on him.   

Is there any chance this was a set-up by the boys saying she was mean?

[2squared]

2 minutes ago, kristin0713 said:

What do you mean by *you* hate making the promposals? 
 

Well….my son came up with his idea and helped a lot with his promposal, but there’s no way my boys have the creativity or skills to make decent promposals on their own. The goal is to have a fun promposal, not an embarrassment for giver and receiver, lol. Also, it’s a lot of work!

My 13yo and I just made a promposal for my son’s best friend. He had the idea, he was here while we made it, and he offered to help, but the outcome was much better without his help. 

I think the promposal thing is over-the-top in many ways, but the kids are doing it. If my kid (or friends) ask for help, I’m not going to turn them down because I think the concept is silly. The would be a jerk move, at least in our family. 

[2squared]

16 minutes ago, Farrar said:

I get the agreed to promposal thing - that's like how you're talking with your SO about marriage and you're both basically on board, but nothing's super official, and then someone stages a proposal. Same thing but for a high school couple. Like, duh, of course you're going to prom with your romantic partner, but the ask is meant to be fun. That seems fine. I mean, silly, but it's teenagers.

But are there really proms where people have to be paired up to even attend! I've never heard of such a thing.

Exactly. I don’t think anyone should do a promposal without knowing the other person is going to say yes. That’s way too much pressure and social risk. The promposal is supposed to be a fun surprise, not an actual question. 

I think the same about engagements. No one should pop that question if the couple hasn’t already discussed marriage. 

Students at our high school can attend prom without dates, but they cannot participate in the grand march without a date. The grand march is a BIG DEAL, so everyone is pressured to find a date. I really wish going to prom with a group of friends was a thing. Most/many of the dates are friend agreements, so I guess the kids figure it out.

[Danae]

13 minutes ago, 2squared said:

Well….my son came up with his idea and helped a lot with his promposal, but there’s no way my boys have the creativity or skills to make decent promposals on their own. The goal is to have a fun promposal, not an embarrassment for giver and receiver, lol. Also, it’s a lot of work!

My 13yo and I just made a promposal for my son’s best friend. He had the idea, he was here while we made it, and he offered to help, but the outcome was much better without his help. 

I think the promposal thing is over-the-top in many ways, but the kids are doing it. If my kid (or friends) ask for help, I’m not going to turn them down because I think the concept is silly. The would be a jerk move, at least in our family. 

I still don’t understand “made a promposal.”  What, exactly, did you make?  (Promposals are something I have no experience with, I thought the word meant elaborately asking someone to be your date for prom, so you talking about it as a physical item makes me think I’m missing context.)

[plansrme]

38 minutes ago, Danae said:

I still don’t understand “made a promposal.”  What, exactly, did you make?  (Promposals are something I have no experience with, I thought the word meant elaborately asking someone to be your date for prom, so you talking about it as a physical item makes me think I’m missing context.)

Not Ksera here, but "make a promposal" means to make the prop that goes with it, e.g., a poster, a bucket of chicken wings + a poster with a punny caption about wings, a Squishmallow dinosaur with a poster about helping save the promasaurus from extinction, that kind of thing. It is very common for sibling, moms, friends, friend's girlfriend, etc. to help implement a promposal. The young man does the asking, but he likely does so bearing a prop that was a more collaborative effort.

[JustEm]

Sorry your dd has to deal with that and felt pressured to say yes. I hope she finds a way to change her answer without any backlash from people. 

Shoot I would have hated if my dh proposed marriage in front of a bunch of people,  and we had already talked about marriage quite a bit so he knew the answer would be yes. But a elaborate proposal surrounded by people would have made me second guess things since it would be a huge sign that he didn't know me as well as I thought.

 

[HS Mom in NC]

Not a promposal, but similar public pressure to respond with yes:

When I was in high school I was out to lunch at a local crowded fast place with a group of friends (open campus.) One of the guys was a very casual acquaintance. Everyone was chatting and having fun.  Very casual acquaintance who I liked ok, but not in a romantic way, asked me in front of everyone if I had his number, I said a matter of fact no. Hoping it wasn't going where it seemed to be going. He then followed up with, "Do you want it?" I was not happy about being asked in front of everyone, so I answered a matter of fact no again which was a much more generous version of what I was thinking. Everyone reacted as if I were heartless with things like, "Ouch!" and "Harsh!" and "Oooh, burn!" and "Oh! Heartless!"  No, it wasn't.  Was I supposed to say yes when I thought no?  Was I supposed to stroke the fragile ego of some moron teenager too stupid to realize how incredibly obnoxious he was being? Again, no.

I've never taken a scientific poll, but I'm betting the percentage of teenagers willing to say no out loud under that kind of social pressure is very very low. I can't think of anyone in my friend group who would've done it.  Imagine how many teens are pressured to accept in like circumstances.

[JennyD]

57 minutes ago, plansrme said:

Not Ksera here, but "make a promposal" means to make the prop that goes with it, e.g., a poster, a bucket of chicken wings + a poster with a punny caption about wings, a Squishmallow dinosaur with a poster about helping save the promasaurus from extinction, that kind of thing. It is very common for sibling, moms, friends, friend's girlfriend, etc. to help implement a promposal. The young man does the asking, but he likely does so bearing a prop that was a more collaborative effort.

Thanks for this explanation.  I had not heard of promposals before this thread, either.  

[Home'scool]

We had a bad experience with promposals, but in the opposite way.

My youngest daughter had been dating a boy for about 3--4 months. When prom season approached she was expecting a promposal. All around her they were happening .... she even helped some of his friends come up with cool ideas, etc.

But not her boyfriend. He kept dragging his feet for whatever reason, and the night before the final day to sell tickets they got into a fight about it and broke up.

The next day I texted her in school to see how she was doing.

It turns out he woke up early, went to some store and picked up poster board and balloons, etc., and ASKED ANOTHER GIRL TO THE PROM.

My poor daughter. She was so devastated. 

It turned out well though. She went with her best guy friend and had a blast. She started interacting with a new group of people and found new friends. She looks back now on that prom as a good turning point.

Oh, and the boy? He was booed in the hallways and booed in the cafeteria for being such a jerk. 

[vonfirmath]

2 hours ago, 2squared said:

Exactly. I don’t think anyone should do a promposal without knowing the other person is going to say yes. That’s way too much pressure and social risk. The promposal is supposed to be a fun surprise, not an actual question. 

I think the same about engagements. No one should pop that question if the couple hasn’t already discussed marriage. 

Students at our high school can attend prom without dates, but they cannot participate in the grand march without a date. The grand march is a BIG DEAL, so everyone is pressured to find a date. I really wish going to prom with a group of friends was a thing. Most/many of the dates are friend agreements, so I guess the kids figure it out.

This is what I did my senior year.

My junior year I worked the prom. But I decided I wanted to actually attend my senior year.  But I was not in a relationship or anything. So I asked a guy I was casual friends with if he was interested in going as friends and he said yes.  He was a junior and not driving yet so his parents drove. We even went out to eat first and then to the prom and had a fun, low pressure night together.

[Grace Hopper]

17 minutes ago, Home'scool said:

We had a bad experience with promposals, but in the opposite way.

My youngest daughter had been dating a boy for about 3--4 months. When prom season approached she was expecting a promposal. All around her they were happening .... she even helped some of his friends come up with cool ideas, etc.

But not her boyfriend. He kept dragging his feet for whatever reason, and the night before the final day to sell tickets they got into a fight about it and broke up.

The next day I texted her in school to see how she was doing.

It turns out he woke up early, went to some store and picked up poster board and balloons, etc., and ASKED ANOTHER GIRL TO THE PROM.

My poor daughter. She was so devastated. 

It turned out well though. She went with her best guy friend and had a blast. She started interacting with a new group of people and found new friends. She looks back now on that prom as a good turning point.

Oh, and the boy? He was booed in the hallways and booed in the cafeteria for being such a jerk. 

That’s so sad for your dd! But that situation had less to do with promposals than about spineless ex boyfriends. He should have broken up with her weeks prior. 

16 minutes ago, vonfirmath said:

This is what I did my senior year.

My junior year I worked the prom. But I decided I wanted to actually attend my senior year.  But I was not in a relationship or anything. So I asked a guy I was casual friends with if he was interested in going as friends and he said yes.  He was a junior and not driving yet so his parents drove. We even went out to eat first and then to the prom and had a fun, low pressure night together.

DD has circumvented school relationship hassles in the past by inviting a date from outside her school. Sadly this year her reliable guy friends’ own school prom is on the same night as hers. That’s why she was planning on just going with friends. 

[JustEm]

2 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said:

 

DD has circumvented school relationship hassles in the past by inviting a date from outside her school. Sadly this year her reliable guy friends’ own school prom is on the same night as hers. That’s why she was planning on just going with friends. 

Has she considered telling the guy that her plan originally was to just go with friends and she'd still like to do that and if he wants to come too (assuming she is ok with that) he can, but she isn't interested in going just with him. 

[Dianthus]

26 minutes ago, Home'scool said:

We had a bad experience with promposals, but in the opposite way.

My youngest daughter had been dating a boy for about 3--4 months. When prom season approached she was expecting a promposal. All around her they were happening .... she even helped some of his friends come up with cool ideas, etc.

But not her boyfriend. He kept dragging his feet for whatever reason, and the night before the final day to sell tickets they got into a fight about it and broke up.

The next day I texted her in school to see how she was doing.

It turns out he woke up early, went to some store and picked up poster board and balloons, etc., and ASKED ANOTHER GIRL TO THE PROM.

My poor daughter. She was so devastated. 

It turned out well though. She went with her best guy friend and had a blast. She started interacting with a new group of people and found new friends. She looks back now on that prom as a good turning point.

Oh, and the boy? He was booed in the hallways and booed in the cafeteria for being such a jerk. 

I'm sorry, but glad it was a turning point for her.

That is really weird. Did the other girl go with him?

[Grace Hopper]

5 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

Has she considered telling the guy that her plan originally was to just go with friends and she'd still like to do that and if he wants to come too (assuming she is ok with that) he can, but she isn't interested in going just with him. 

That’s an option she is considering. 

5 minutes ago, Spirea said:

I'm sorry, but glad it was a turning point for her.

That is really weird. Did the other girl go with him?

Oh yeah, I would like to know if the other girl went with him. Of course there’s always the possibility that none of it was a surprise to the other girl. 

[happi duck]

I really dislike these things.

I can't help but remember that there are kids who'd love to go to prom but they'll never be asked or have someone to ask.  The public shenanigans must just make it even harder for those kids.

Then adding in either being publicly rejected or publicly pressured to say yes adds in much more "ick".

If these things are mostly about well established couples why do they even need to exist?  Duh, of course a long term couple will go to prom.

[deBij]

Would you daughter consider having him hang out with her friend group before the prom?   If that doesn't work out, he can just ask someone else to the prom.  If she finds him likeable, then he can join the friend group for the prom.

[Farrar]

One of mine boys is supposedly going to a prom. I was like, will you go with someone? He was aghast. Who would do such a thing as attend a prom WITH someone!? 😂 So I assume there's no promposal in the works.

[PaxEtLux]

In the dark ages, when I was in High School, no guy would ask a girl to prom without having a pretty good idea that she would agree.  Often there was an intricate secret web of communications before the actual ask, via friends, friends-of-friends, etc. to negotiate such things like "I'll go, but just as friends", "We can go in a big friend group", or "No thank you", or whatever.  Is this not done anymore?  As we talk about about consent, seems like this is a good way to get to consent without a lot of embarrassment on the part of the asker or the askee.

[KSera]

4 hours ago, plansrme said:

Not Ksera here, but "make a promposal" means to make the prop that goes with it,

Not sure why my name was invoked here, but just to make clear, I definitely have never had anything to do with making a promposal prop for anyone 😬.

 (Though honestly, I would have found a sign done in crooked teenage boy lettering more endearing than one beautifully made by his mom, but that’s me 🤷‍♀️.)

[teachermom2834]

When did all this start? I feel like the first time I saw this stuff was on that MTV show Laguna Beach. I remember telling my oldest “you don’t live in Laguna Beach” and he thought I was insane 😂

My boys were homeschooled so they went to proms at the high schools of their girlfriends. One girlfriend pretty much had to have the promposal so her mom worked out something with my ds so she would be happy enough and have an IG pic. Second ds’s girlfriend did it (because it was her prom so she was asking him which is how I think it should be) and it was cute because of course they were going together. They used to watch The Office together so it was something silly- like an invite in a jello mold. Third ds had a girlfriend was super no-nonsense (actually wore a dress she had worn several times before  etc) so there was no promposal. The third couple is still together even after a year of college. I have high hopes for a low key wedding if that one makes it!

My boys stink at this stuff. I’m super low maintenance so they didn’t grow up with a model of a dad that pulls out all the stops for my birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I’m glad they are out of high school.