Scarlett Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 My 34 year old cousin killed himself this weekend. His mother found him……and she is apparently wanting to keep it ‘on the down low’. Not sure if she is referring to his death or that it was suicide. But they live in small town AR so I am not sure how it will be kept quiet. My brother told me….and then I heard that the mom wants to keep it quiet….. So so sad. Not sure what was going on with him lately….I have not seen him in years. He always suffered from mental health issues. 39 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 I am so sorry Scarlett. So very very sorry. My cousin committed suicide at 17--20 years ago. He was a lot younger than I, but it still makes me sad--tearing right now. Many hugs and prayers for you as your family navigates this. Lots of love to your aunt. You are right, she won't likely be able to keep it quiet. Be patient with her. As you know, she is devastated and probably bouncing emotionally all over the place. 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 I’m so sorry for your loss, Scarlett. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 I'm so sorry. Deepest sympathy to you and your family, Scarlett. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 I’m sorry for your loss. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 I'm so sorry. My grandfather who I never knew took his life before I was born. Most people do not know that he took his own life ... It was a lot easier to keep things private back then. Anyway, even though I never even knew him, just knowing that it happened like that causes me to stop and reflect about other people who take their lives, and my heart goes out to them and how despairing they must have felt. I can't imagine being the parent finding their child. I hope your aunt has lots of support to help her get through something so devastating. 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 I'm sorry 😢 praying for your family 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 I'm very sorry. She probably wants to hide it was suicide, she can't hide his death. Even today - there is a lot of stigma. My father OD'd in 1975. 1 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 I’m sorry 😞 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 I'm so sorry. Suicide is still very stigmatised; she is probably feeling shame and anxiety about it being known. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
importswim Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 I'm so sorry for your loss. His mom has every right to proceed however she sees fit. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 (edited) I’m so sorry for your loss. Also sorry that suicide and mental illness are still not talked about as openly as heart attacks and cancer. His mom definitely has the right to privacy, but so many times that desire comes from feeling that mental illness and suicide are shameful. I feel so bad for her. Edited September 20, 2021 by Annie G 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted September 19, 2021 Share Posted September 19, 2021 I'm so sorry, Scarlett. Suicide is so very sad and tragic. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 So sorry Hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 I'm sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 I'm so sorry. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 Nobody can judge her for what she wants ATM. She found her son dead. However she wants to handle it is how it should be handled. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 (((Scarlett))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 20, 2021 Author Share Posted September 20, 2021 28 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said: Nobody can judge her for what she wants ATM. She found her son dead. However she wants to handle it is how it should be handled. I don’t think I am judging her…..but I do recognize the futility for her attempt. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa Louise Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, Scarlett said: I don’t think I am judging her…..but I do recognize the futility for her attempt. Yeah, news will probably get out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTVKath Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 I'm sorry for your loss. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R828 Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 So sorry. 😞 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, Scarlett said: I don’t think I am judging her…..but I do recognize the futility for her attempt. In a small town, news would probably get out eventually. A friend attempted suicide twice and had a permanent scar from one of the attempts. We lived in a densely populated big city and it was easier to keep everything hush hush. ETA: wrong word use as gardenmom5 mentioned Edited September 20, 2021 by Arcadia 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Arcadia said: In a small town, news would probably get out eventually. A friend committed suicide twice and had a permanent scar from one of the attempts. We lived in a densely populated big city and it was easier to keep everything hush hush. I don't want to be tedious - but no one can commit suicide *twice*. If someone commits suicide - they're dead. at least one of those times - all your friend did was **attempt** suicide. there is a big difference. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 A not close relative had a family member commit suicide in a small town. The first time I heard the story from my grandmother right after it happened, it was a terrible tragic suicide. The second time, a year or so later, when I was like, oh, that's so-and-so, didn't their spouse commit suicide, how sad. But no, now it had become a terrible accident. If enough people change the story, people start to believe it. Which is almost easier in a small town sometimes, I think. I have honestly wondered if insurance was a part of that change in narrative as well, honestly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 I'm sorry for your family's loss. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 (edited) I hesitated to post this but I feel like I need to share: Why You Should Stop Saying ‘Committed Suicide’ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/mental-health-language-committed-suicide_l_5aeb53ffe4b0ab5c3d6344ab Edited September 20, 2021 by Kassia 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wathe Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 (edited) Yes, "died by suicide" is the standard term here. Please don't quote, will delate later: deleted I'm sorry Scarlet. It's very hard. Edited September 21, 2021 by wathe 1 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 (edited) I am sorry for your family's loss. I'm going to edit the details in a bit, so please don't quote, but below is my experience: Edited September 21, 2021 by prairiewindmomma 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 (edited) On 9/20/2021 at 8:43 AM, prairiewindmomma said: grief is often selfish. This. And can manifest as obliviousness to the needs of involved children. <It was then publicly put out that he died of heart disease. > I'm sorry you had to deal with that. That's what my mother did. the medical personnel didn't have to deal with the fiction. I did- and no one sat me down and told me the truth - or cared how I felt about it. they just stopped lying. Edited September 26, 2021 by gardenmom5 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 22, 2021 Author Share Posted September 22, 2021 It appears the mom only wanted to keep it quiet long enough to secure his residence as she does not trust his friends to not rob him blind once they heard he was dead. My mom called and talked to her for an hour…….the mom does not believe it was suicide. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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