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Trigger warning…suicide

Scarlett

By Scarlett,
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Scarlett

Scarlett

Posted
Posted

My 34 year old cousin killed himself this weekend.  His mother found him……and she is apparently wanting to keep it ‘on the down low’.  Not sure if she is referring to his death or that it was suicide.  But they live in small town AR so I am not sure how it will be kept quiet.  My brother told me….and then I heard that the mom wants to keep it quiet…..

So so sad.  Not sure what was going on with him lately….I have not seen him in years.  He always suffered from mental health issues. 

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freesia

freesia

Posted
Posted

I am so sorry Scarlett. So very very sorry.  My cousin committed suicide at 17--20 years ago.  He was a lot younger than I,  but it still makes me sad--tearing right now.  Many hugs and prayers for you as your family navigates this.  Lots of love to your aunt.  You are right, she won't likely be able to keep it quiet. Be patient with her.  As you know, she is devastated and probably bouncing emotionally all over the place.

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J-rap

J-rap

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry.  My grandfather who I never knew took his life before I was born.  Most people do not know that he took his own life ... It was a lot easier to keep things private back then.   Anyway, even though I never even knew him, just knowing that it happened like that causes me to stop and reflect about other people who take their lives, and my heart goes out to them and how despairing they must have felt.   I can't imagine being the parent finding their child.  I hope your aunt has lots of support to help her get through something so devastating.

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gardenmom5

gardenmom5

Posted
Posted

I'm very sorry.   She probably wants to hide it was suicide, she can't hide his death.  Even today - there is a lot of stigma.  My father OD'd in 1975.

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Annie G

Annie G

Posted
Posted (edited)

I’m so sorry for your loss. Also sorry that suicide and mental illness are still not talked about as openly as heart attacks and cancer.  His mom definitely has the right to privacy, but so many times that desire comes from feeling that mental illness and suicide are shameful.  I feel so bad for her. 

Edited by Annie G
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Scarlett

Scarlett

Posted
  • Author
Posted
28 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Nobody can judge her for what she wants ATM. She found her son dead. However she wants to handle it is how it should be handled. 

I don’t think I am judging her…..but I do recognize the futility for her attempt.

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Arcadia

Arcadia

Posted
Posted (edited)
4 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I don’t think I am judging her…..but I do recognize the futility for her attempt.

In a small town, news would probably get out eventually. A friend attempted suicide twice and had a permanent scar from one of the attempts. We lived in a densely populated big city and it was easier to keep everything hush hush. 
 

ETA: wrong word use as gardenmom5 mentioned 

Edited by Arcadia
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gardenmom5

gardenmom5

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Arcadia said:

In a small town, news would probably get out eventually. A friend committed suicide twice and had a permanent scar from one of the attempts. We lived in a densely populated big city and it was easier to keep everything hush hush. 

I don't want to be tedious - but no one can commit suicide *twice*.    If someone commits suicide - they're dead.  at least one of those times - all your friend did was **attempt** suicide.  there is a big difference. 

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Farrar

Farrar

Posted
Posted

A not close relative had a family member commit suicide in a small town. The first time I heard the story from my grandmother right after it happened, it was a terrible tragic suicide. The second time, a year or so later, when I was like, oh, that's so-and-so, didn't their spouse commit suicide, how sad. But no, now it had become a terrible accident. If enough people change the story, people start to believe it. Which is almost easier in a small town sometimes, I think. 

I have honestly wondered if insurance was a part of that change in narrative as well, honestly.

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wathe

wathe

Posted
Posted (edited)

Yes, "died by suicide" is the standard term here.

Please don't quote, will delate later:

deleted

I'm sorry Scarlet.  It's very hard.

Edited by wathe
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gardenmom5

gardenmom5

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 9/20/2021 at 8:43 AM, prairiewindmomma said:

grief is often selfish.

This.  And can manifest as obliviousness to the needs of involved children.

<It was then publicly put out that he died of heart disease. >

I'm sorry you had to deal with that.   That's what my mother did.   the medical personnel didn't have to deal with the fiction.  I did- and no one sat me down and told me the truth  - or cared how I felt about it. they just stopped lying.

Edited by gardenmom5
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Scarlett

Scarlett

Posted
  • Author
Posted

It appears the mom only wanted to keep it quiet long enough to secure his residence as she does not trust his friends to not rob him blind once they heard he was dead.  
 

My mom called and talked to her for an hour…….the mom does not believe it was suicide.  

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