what do you feed a kid who only wants to eat junk food?

[caedmyn]

My 11 yo has been absolutely awful lately.  A lot of his meltdowns seem to happen shortly before meal time.  I think he needs to eat more, and eat some filling snacks in between meals, but he’s pretty picky.  He was NOT a picky eater when he was younger.  We’ve always eaten a Whole Foods diet supplemented with whatever junk food DH brings home.  DH has bought more and more junk food the last couple of years and DS11 has gotten pickier and pickier about anything that’s not junk food.  He won’t eat any sort of granola bar (which includes Larabars, Nature Valley granola bars, and Kind-type bars).    He won’t eat yogurt unless it’s a Gogurt.  He won’t eat plain cheese.  I don’t really have any snacks he will eat other than bananas (and he won’t eat them with peanut butter). He doesn’t like any “healthier” chips (ie only wants to eat Lays).   He mostly wants to eat nachos and corn dogs for lunch.  He throws a fit about any meal one of his siblings makes because he says it was overcooked, undercooked, or not made to his exact specifications.  I buy gluten free bread because some of us have problems with gluten.  He will no longer eat sandwiches made with gf bread.  He doesn’t like the “natural” lunch meat I buy.  The list goes on and on.  I don’t know what to feed this kid.  I’m not willing to buy a bunch of pre-packaged lunches for him to eat, because then I’d have to feed them to everybody.  I’m not willing to cook him a separate meal.  If I let him make his own lunch every day, I have to let everybody make their own lunch, which results in about 4x the mess that I then have to clean up or spend half the afternoon trying to get them to clean it up.  

[Pen]

 

Is he on the ASD spectrum? 

Will he eat healthier food eventually if he gets hungry?

 

[fairfarmhand]

Will he eat tacos? Because for lunch, I might make a huge batch of tacos and let him have them several times a week.

[mommyoffive]

Sounds like it is time to cook and make his own food.   My kids make their own lunch and breakfast and have for years.  They clean it all up too.  Sure do you have to make sure they are doing a good job, yes.  But it is worth it.  No complaints.   Real life skills.   The youngest at 4 gets help, but is starting to make her own things.  I am not doing 5 separate meals for every meal.

Smoothies are always my go to for get a healthy boost. 

Fill the house with good options and let the kids feed themselves.   The often make their own dinner too on fend for themselves night.   They also make dinners for the whole family on their own.

[fairfarmhand]

Also, my 12 yo gets pickier and more contrary the hungrier he is. So your ds might be more cooperative to trying different things if he's not starving at meal times. Will he nibble on snacky things during between meals? Because if he will that might help.

[Junie]

I have a picky eater who needs to gain weight.

If she does not want to eat the lunch or dinner that was prepared, she is allowed to make her own sandwich.  If she does not eat a meal or a sandwich, she loses screen privileges until after the next meal.

My kids are not allowed to snack between meals.  They do get a bedtime snack each day.

[bensonduck]

I let all my kids make their own breakfast and lunch. They all sort of graze at different times. One doesn’t clean up as well as the others but they are remarkably good in general - they kind of hassle each other in a joking way about leaving plates and spoons out, etc. 

I also don’t restrict junk food. For my kids, sometimes they eat a lunch of salami and chips but on other days it’s like carrots and celery and hummus. In our house it all balances out. 

[Bootsie]

When you say nachos what is that?  Can you do corn chips with melted cheese; that can be fairly healthy and easy to fix.  Even a nacho bar with some taco meat and tomatoes would add some variety and nutrition.  Have you tried plan yogurt with fruits or mixed with jam?  Are the problems such that you cannot have gluten in the house, or is it an option to have gluten bread for some?  Are yogurt based smoothies an option?  What about black bean dip or humus to have with chips?  I would try to find something that I could fix and have ready, pull out easily and include with other offerings without having to cook a completely different meal.

[fairfarmhand]

What about those charcuterie platter things? For awhile, my pickiest kid would cut cheese, meat, and fruit into slices and prepare it on a pretty plate with crackers and stuff. For whatever reason, she liked it; I think it reminded her of a lunchable.

Will he eat frozen fruit? My kids like eating frozen sliced peaches and strawberries and blueberries better than fresh. And they're cheaper and easier to find frozen than fresh anyway so that works.

[Noreen Claire]

9 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

Smoothies are always my go to for get a healthy boost. 

 

Yes! I do this, too. Bananas, frozen berries, cut apples, whole fat greek yogurt, whole milk. I've been known to throw in some shredded kale, if no one is looking...

3 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Also, my 12 yo gets pickier and more contrary the hungrier he is

Yup. This makes it so much worse.

 

OP, I could have written your post about my own DS11. From getting pickier, to wanting more junk, to behavior issues when he's hungry. I also *hate* it when he makes his own, because he makes such a mess! But, I have to remember that it is good for him. We have set aside days where we make individual pizzas (homemade dough or french breads from the market), sauce and cheese. We make two weeks' worth and I wrap and freeze them. He can pop one in the oven himself, and often makes one for DS6 as well. He will sometimes make his own grilled cheese, and has roped DS8 into helping him and sharing. 

My only other advice is that we have a set "replacement meal' for any kid who doesn't like what's for dinner...it's a spoonful of peanut butter or hummus (depends on the kid), wheat thins, and a piece of fruit. They have to get it themself.

[Pen]

15 minutes ago, Patty Joanna said:

I wish I had read this thread about 12 years ago.  You all have such good ideas.

I gave up worrying about whether hot dogs were junk food or not, and just got the healthiest ones I could afford.

My son still hasn't had a glass of milk (he's 25).  He doesn't eat ice cream or yogurt.  He's practically made of cheese, though.  We figured it up one time and it is at least as much as would fill a semi-trailer.  He at apples and cheese every day until he was about 17.  He didn't like cake so we stuck birthday candles into blocks of cheese or pans of polenta.

I did a lot to sneak fat and protein into his diet--EGG noodles with real butter and and parmesan (or other) cheese on it.  He would eat scrambled eggs, so I made them with real butter and half-and-half; DH could manage to slip in some cheese as well.  I never got by with it.  I made polenta which he liked a lot.  Many polenta recipes call for water; I used whole milk.  

He'd eat sausages and bacon, so I got the best non-sulfite versions I could.  He liked steak, so guess what.  We got steaks.  He liked toaster waffles so we got those, and taught him how to make a sausage sandwich with them.  

My goddaughter was another picky eater.  I think she ate tortilla/melted cheese sandwiches for about 80% of her diet until she was in her early 20s.  Now, she has become a wonderful cook and an excellent baker.  One time when we were on the road, we HAD to eat at McDonald's and she was having NONE OF IT.  Even my son would eat chicken nuggets.  Well, her AUNT was a genius and told her that they were "chicken cookies."  And she ate them!

My son is still skinny but within healthy ranges.  Picky tho--oy.  He didn't eat a hamburger (with bread and the fixin's) until he was 21 years old.  My friend gave me a way to laugh about it though:  Picky? My son's not picky--give him one of the 5 foods he likes and he'll eat it every time!

I do feel for you.  Keep looking, trying things.  Slip the calories in where you can.  

 

Apples and cheese and not liking cake sounds basically healthy though!

 

Way different than wanting Lays potato chips as a main food item.

 

 

[Pen]

If 11yo complains about everyone else’s cooking, Could he be responsible for cooking for everyone?

or how about the healthiest foods he will eat—bananas?  Corn dogs? And don’t have things like Lays chips in the house so it isn’t a temptation. 

 

[Pen]

1 minute ago, Patty Joanna said:

True.  He did like a few healthy things and that was good.  I should add that there was a ton of gummy candy and tortilla chips involved here, as well.  And sugared-to-choking-level packaged oatmeal.  :0)

 

Oh!  I guess he survived though! 

[Arcadia]

My picky DS15 has survived on:

plain cheese pizza (or melt some shredded cheese on tortillas), 

saltine crackers with brie (There is two chunks of brie in my fridge mainly for him),

sourdough baguette with garlic spread,

spagetti and meatballs (the meatballs are from Trader Joe’s),

Reiser potato salad,

salmon

He is as seldom sick as DS14 who isn’t picky. He has been cooking for himself since elementary school and makes less mess than me in the kitchen. Besides my husband is happy to clean up kitchen mess as long as someone else does the cooking.

[kbutton]

My suggestion is to ask DH to store his junk food elsewhere and eat it when the kids are in bed. I would try to *sometimes*tie access to junk food to eating something healthier first. If he truly was willing to eat a broader diet prior to the junk food, I would slowly try to regain what was lost but not make food a battle or be sneaky about what you feed him. I was a picky kid, but almost all of it was texture or smell (super smeller here). 

39 minutes ago, Patty Joanna said:

The only time my son ever melted down in a store (I WANNNNNNT IT!) was at the grocery store when I wouldn't buy some broccoli.  A nearby customer overhead the tantrum and said, "For heaven's sake, buy him the broccoli!"  I laughed -- "We have a bunch at home already."  

It was a pretty classic tantrum with an unusual object of desire. 

My kids are good eaters; only one is slightly picky, and both of them LOVED broccoli. They would cradle it like a doll throughout the store and even sang songs about their love for it. 🤣

[Carol in Cal.]

I’d try for high protein dips to go with the chips—Mexican bean dip, clam dip, that homemade Rondole cheese dip, that gooey yellow cheese stuff, that kind of thing.  Also I’d have celery sticks out with these.  Maybe carrot chips, too.  The dips would make the chips more filling. 

I would make nuts and bolts for a between meal snack, but I’d double the nuts for more protein.  I mean, it’s still snack food but it’s got whole grain Chex and nuts—lots of good stuff there.

Personnally I dislike most granola bars—they always taste burnt, stale, or too sweet to me.  But I love granola.  Maybe he would like granola on yogurt.  Re the bread, if he doesn’t need gluten free, I don’t think it would be all that hard to have two kinds of bread available.  

I’d have a big variety of cheeses available as well.  Cheese keeps for a long time, and Gouda is very different from Gorgonzola.  That would keep things more interesting and also be fairly filling.

I would take him aside and put the kibosh on complaining about the food his sibs make.  He can eat it or not but it’s very rude to complain like that.  Not OK.  He can say no thank you, and not sit there and sulk either.  Flat out.  

 

[Frances]

58 minutes ago, kbutton said:

My suggestion is to ask DH to store his junk food elsewhere and eat it when the kids are in bed. I would try to *sometimes*tie access to junk food to eating something healthier first. If he truly was willing to eat a broader diet prior to the junk food, I would slowly try to regain what was lost but not make food a battle or be sneaky about what you feed him. I was a picky kid, but almost all of it was texture or smell (super smeller here). 

My kids are good eaters; only one is slightly picky, and both of them LOVED broccoli. They would cradle it like a doll throughout the store and even sang songs about their love for it. 🤣

I agree with asking DH to either store his junk food elsewhere or just stop bringing it in the house. The fact that he used to not be picky and now is and it corresponds to increasing amounts of junk food available, makes it seem like the junk food is the primary problem.

Growing up I was a very picky eater. My mom was a great cook and made most things from scratch. Nonetheless, it was easy at meal times to fill up on the tasty carbs and protein and ignore most of the vegetables. Also, since my dad had a sweet tooth, we always had homemade sweets and ice cream around. Of course tons of fresh fruit and vegetables were also available, but I really think in general the more sweets, processed food, simple carbs, etc a person eats, the more they crave the same and it also diminishes the taste for healthier food. I think some people are especially sensitive in this area and it can also greatly affect mood and emotional regulation. As long as there are no sensory issues involved, I would strive to have little to no junk food available so he can reset. I think helping him establish healthier eating habits now will lay a good foundation for his adult years. And it sounds like you are already doing a good job by having a primarily healthy, unprocessed diet for your family.

Edited September 30, 2020 by Frances

[Carrie12345]

Assuming no serious health issues, my MO is to roll with it, for the most part. 

I had a very picky eater (ASD) for many years. I’d say from around 3/4 to 14/15ish. Technically, he’s still kind of picky, but NOTHING like before. 
Now I have another picky eater. (Not enough criteria for ASD, but quite a few similarities.). I push the healthiest things on his will-eat list and pretend he isn’t eating a ton of what I consider pretty junky stuff.

The only thing I’ve ever done was to continue to have them taste things every so often. Not EVERY time.  It was like a “check in” with their taste buds.  The younger one isn’t “fixed” yet, lol, but he’s made baby steps.

[Katy]

I would demand DH hide the junk food from the kids or keep it out of the house.  Especially sugar.

I try to only do snacks for kids under 5, and no dessert unless you eat at least 3 bites of everything on your plate. Sometimes that low blood sugar attitude thing is from eating too often.  If you never go without food, especially sugar, your insulin levels never get low enough to easily slip into fat burning mode, so you get a hangry kid.  Eating solves the symptom but not the problem.

In a few cases when I was sure an older kid did need a snack it was only healthy options like apples and nut butter or vanilla yogurt with fruit.

Beyond that, when kids are a little older and get pubescent controlling of food I demand they help cook once a week at a minimum.  That might mean something they choose that's relatively healthy (spaghetti with homemade sauce, etc), a side dish, a dessert.  Generally kids are more inclined to eat something they had a hand in making.

[Btervet]

My 10yo is similar. I focus only on meals, and let snacks be whatever they want. He makes his own breakfast and lunch, and I can't imagine trying to make something for those meals to please everyone, so for us, it is worth the mess and cleanup time. It's also a life skill, if that helps you manage the stress of the mess. The rule here is you have to satisfy each meals requirements to get snacks or dessert after that meal. 

For breakfast I require a protein and a carb.

For lunch I require a protein and a fruit or vegetable (almost always fruit.) Must be different protein than breakfast, and cannot repeat carbs (no bagels for breakfast and lunch, etc).

For dinner they get whatever I make, and they either eat it or get a PB&J (no dessert if they choose this route). Dinner always has a protein and a vegetable.

Easy proteins include: peanut butter, hummus, hot dogs, eggs, salami, and occasionally I'll let them count cheese/yogurt, but not always.

Fruit can be either fresh, frozen, or a smoothie (made with real fruit). 

These meals often don't look healthy, but I figure it's good enough, if he gets protein it dampens the hangry issues, and my pickiest eater will suffer through scrambled eggs and an apple if it means he gets chips or cookies for snacks. I don't limit snacks, and we have dessert available every night, but my kids are also underweight, I might choose to limit if weight was also an issue. 

[domestic_engineer]

Can he tell you why he doesn’t like the different food items?  That might help you to define the problem, and then work towards a compromise. 
 

You could try a collaborative, logical approach ..... so for example, I’m not a big fan of GoGurt because of the high sugar content; see how much sugar is there?  I’d prefer you to eat XYZ yogurt which only has x grams of sugar. But I realize that’s a big change, how do you think we can still have tasty yogurt as a snack option?  .....  hopefully he’ll see that the added sugar is a problem. And maybe you guys can brainstorm a solution ... one week of gogurt followed by one week of XYZ yogurt, or mixing the two extremes to get a compromise yogurt, or whatever. 

you could do that with chips too - mix lays with Terra chips or buy baked lays or make kale chips or have him make his own potato chips. (There are microwave chip holders.)

maybe he’s wanting food with crunch?  Would you be willing to buy more raw veggies?  Sometimes I’m smart enough to put out raw veggies and hummus while I’m prepping dinner, so if they are hungry they can fill up on that.  Roasted chickpeas?
 

maybe compromise on lunchmeat sandwiches?  Maybe natural lunchmeat on regular bread or more processed lunchmeat on GF bread. 

Cooler weather is coming; would he be happy with a big pot of soup that from which he can heat up a portion each day?

More realistically, I might also strongly tell him that he can cook the entire family’s lunch if he keeps complaining.  😛  (if this happens, maybe you could let him use paper plates just to cut down on the clean up - just for this season of life  )

I hope you find something that works. Food complaints are so hard to take!

[Ausmumof3]

Haven’t read the whole thread but we love nacho bowls here!  I put out chopped cucumber, grated carrot and grated cheese, diced tomato, fried corn if we have any, avocado, salsa, and corn chips.  If I have meat we have that but if we don’t that’s ok.  Then kids can just choose whichever bits they like.  
 

obviously not every day but could be one option that might work if he likes corn chips.  It sounds like a ton of work but I chop and grate enough for a couple of days then I just have to get it out the second day.

another lunch which is easy and modular is baked potato if he’ll eat that. You could also offer baked potato type toppings with potato gems or something if that goes down easier.

[Bootsie]

Would he eat a grilled cheese sandwich on the GF bread?  Or, a quesedilla made with GF corn tortillas--it could be just tortilla and cheese , or you could add salsa, chicken, black beans, or corn.  Or open faced grilled sandwiches, perhaps with cheese, ham, and a pineapple ring?  I have found that sometimes kids will eat bread they wouldn't have eaten otherwise if it is toasted. 

[Susan in TX]

The way you describe his behavior sounds to me like he is just spoiled. I was a picky eater as a child so I tend to be sympathetic to a child's tastes and I don't make them eat things they really don't like, but there comes a point where you just need to say, "I'm sorry but this is the food that you can have right now and if you don't want it then I guess you aren't that hungry."  I would stop allowing any junk food. It does seem like he might benefit from less sugar/carbs and more protein and fat. I wouldn't worry about finding snacks that he will eat since eating between meals isn't necessary. 

One of my kids does not do well at all if I allow junk food. The more sugar and artificial ingredients he gets, the worse his behavior gets. 

Susan in TX

[MercyA]

Have you tried Hormel's Natural Choice lunchmeat? It's very similar to standard lunch meats, except without the nitrates/nitrites.

[caedmyn]

6 hours ago, MercyA said:

Have you tried Hormel's Natural Choice lunchmeat? It's very similar to standard lunch meats, except without the nitrates/nitrites.

That’s the type I buy that he’s decided doesn’t taste good.

[BookMamaLade]

None of our kids have sensory issues, so we make very few exceptions.

Lunch is fend for yourself (except the one who is too young for that) and start with the leftovers.

They do get the opportunity suggest dinners, but snacking instead of eating meals is not allowed. We've been having problems with our 14 yo on this lately. He has impulse control issues (ADHD), so we know where it stems from for him. However, since we only have the older kids every other weekend, he has 2 very different food environments, and there isn't much we can really do.

[caedmyn]

13 hours ago, Frances said:

I agree with asking DH to either store his junk food elsewhere or just stop bringing it in the house. The fact that he used to not be picky and now is and it corresponds to increasing amounts of junk food available, makes it seem like the junk food is the primary problem.

.

DH buys junk food just for the kids.  Apparently he feels childhood isn’t complete with “real” food (he doesn’t like the foods I buy/make and tells me they aren’t real food/taste bad).  I think part of the problem is that he complains about what I buy and says the kids don’t like it, and then they pick up on that and want different food.  There’s not much I can do about that.

[skimomma]

3 minutes ago, caedmyn said:

DH buys junk food just for the kids.  Apparently he feels childhood isn’t complete with “real” food (he doesn’t like the foods I buy/make and tells me they aren’t real food/taste bad).  I think part of the problem is that he complains about what I buy and says the kids don’t like it, and then they pick up on that and want different food.  There’s not much I can do about that.

If that's the case, I'm afraid there is nothing you will be able to do to solve this issue.  Turning around a picky eater who craves junk food is difficult enough in the best of situations.  If half of the parenting team is actively and purposely undermining the effort, there is little chance of success.  This is not a picky-eater parenting issue.  This is a partner issue between you and your dh.  

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

39 minutes ago, caedmyn said:

DH buys junk food just for the kids.  Apparently he feels childhood isn’t complete with “real” food (he doesn’t like the foods I buy/make and tells me they aren’t real food/taste bad).  I think part of the problem is that he complains about what I buy and says the kids don’t like it, and then they pick up on that and want different food.  There’s not much I can do about that.

 

That is a whole issue in and of itself.  I wonder if you could negotiate with your DH.  Let him take the kids to McD or similar 1x a week, but remove junk food from the daily diet (for the kids).  It could be their "thing," while you stay home and relax.  Sometimes a food log can be a weke-up call as well, to show that these "little, occasional treats" are actually constant, large, and displacing nutritious food.  I'd suggest a language choice such as nutritious/not nutritious to replace real vs fake, as it is a more objective distinction.  

But if he won't budge, then you'll need to cut yourself some slack and your ds as well.  Teach him nutrition as a separate subject, don't try to enforce the lessons in the kitchen, and when he reaches adulthood, he can reap the benefits of those lessons as he accepts responsibility for his own health.  And for the record, the situation you are in would make me angry and frustrated, too, so I don't mean to sound like I'm blowing off your concerns.  

[73349]

Every night, I make DS a smoothie to drink in the morning - typically a banana, strawberries, orange juice, almond milk, vanilla protein powder (Orgain), baby spinach, maybe some water. If Daddy lets him have pudding or something with it, I'm not going to fuss.

We've found a yogurt compromise: fresh fruit (such as berries) on the bottom of the bowl topped with Stonyfield's whole milk vanilla yogurt. We can make several at a time using little containers with lids that we put in a designated spot in the fridge.

I remind myself that I don't appear any the worse for wear after a childhood diet that looked like Froot Loops with milk for breakfast, school lunch pizza and milk (Did anybody *ever* eat those canned green beans?), afternoon snack of cookies and Kool-Aid, and dinner of Shake and Bake pork chops, white rice, and microwaved broccoli.

Edited October 2, 2020 by Carolina Wren

[Tanaqui]

I'm suddenly reminded that I don't think I like your husband very much. I hope I'm confusing you with somebody else and this is a one-off for him.

But putting him aside, just how restricted is your kid's diet? Is it possible that his increased "pickiness" (a term I despise, for reasons I'll get into if you ask) is due to any combination of puberty, anxiety, depression? Is this something that is best addressed by speaking to a specialist - usually an SLP?

[EKS]

I think that you won't solve the problem you're having with your son until you solve the problem you're having with your husband.

[kiwik]

On 10/1/2020 at 2:46 AM, caedmyn said:

DH buys junk food just for the kids.  Apparently he feels childhood isn’t complete with “real” food (he doesn’t like the foods I buy/make and tells me they aren’t real food/taste bad).  I think part of the problem is that he complains about what I buy and says the kids don’t like it, and then they pick up on that and want different food.  There’s not much I can do about that.

I would say that is the real problem you have.  Until or unless you get him to at least behave neutrally there is probably nothing you can do.  Could you compromise on limited junk food?  Also if the kid isn't gluten free buy him real bread.  My gf 13 year old refuses to eat gf unless toasted although he would eat sandwiches when younger.  Every I know who is gf says the bread is disgusting untoasted.