what to do about obnoxious relatives??

[JennyL]

Hello. We are going to be with my husband's family this year for Thanksgiving. And while our immediate family totally supports us in homeschooling, I know there are others we will see on Thanksgiving that do not. Here's my question, what do you do when someone "tests" your child, you know to make sure they are actually learning. :tongue_smilie: I just know this is bound to happen. What is the best response without being snarky? Thanks so much!

[teamturner]

I'm only coming up with snarky comments! :tongue_smilie:

 

"Want to see dc's report card? What, isn't that how you know your dc is learning?" ;)

 

I'm in a snarky mood so I'm obviously no help! :D

[newlifemom]

Why don't you go on the offensive and start testing their dc. That way you can find out just how poorly ps is doing?

 

Ok, so I'm in a snarky mood too.:blushing:

[Parrothead]

Other than giving the annoying relation in question "the look" and removing my child from said relations presence I've got nothing.

[Garga]

If you don't want to be snarky (and it would be so much FUN to be snarky) then you can say something along the lines of (in a nice sweet voice): "It's a vacation day! No school work today!"

[newlifemom]

DustyLizard, you are too nice. :tongue_smilie:

[tricia]

Yep, I can only come up with Snarky too.:confused:

[Just Me]

Sorry - this is a holiday, no thinking allowed! :D

[JennyL]

Ok, give me snarky. You know I would love to respond that way anyways.:smilielol5: Lol, that is my immediate reaction!

[Jean in Newcastle]

"Oooo. Are we playing Trivial Pursuit?" Then ask them something about the Byzantine Empire. (Oh. Did you say we couldn't be snarky? :D )

[elizabeth]

I have always told dd to engage ...with abundant enthusiasm . If someone is determined to inquire regarding her education I have taught her to list all her classes and what specific idea, book or skill we worked on . Latin works well here-10 minutes of her declining nouns and their eyes glaze over. Serves them right I say. It is a constant problem at our house as two relatives are educators at the university level at colleges of education.They really used to irritate me until I discovered that they knew nothing about most of the subjects we are studying or if they do it has long since been forgotten. It works every time and it impresses upon dd that her efforts are important and something to be proud of ,not hidden as if hsing were a shameful or covert thing. I believe in "flying your freak flag" because we are adults and surely past needing the approval of others. It is annoying but she just takes charge and prattles on about everything from geometry to her favourite comic book characters and why the term antihero applies..yada yada yada. They seriously duck and hide when she approaches it's kinda cool. Ninja -Latin -that's the ticket.

Edited November 21, 2008 by elizabeth
ooops grammatical snafu -retentive here

[Parrothead]

Ninja-Latin! Love it!

[Ellie]

You don't have to actually *say* anything snarky, as you gently take your dc by the arm and guide him from the room whilst said relative is midsentence. I'm thinking a couple of times doing this should be enough.

[SonshineLearner]

Maybe have an interesting fact or small poem or song and teach them to say it and then say, "I learned that for YOU!" :-) Very sweetly! My mom says that got me an A. or something like that:-) And then maybe ask the person what they learned last week to share! Or, ask for your child to give a short presentation on something....:-) Take the lead and they won't get you mad...cuz you'll be in charge! We do presentations at our homeschool group and it's great. They would just have to whisper..."How sweet." We've had songs with sign language...Books of the Bible....karate lessens...etc.

I understand that they're trying to be snoopy...but take charge...and try to enjoy:-) It might be the turning point. And of course, you could always ask their children, like it's normal, "So what did YOU learn last week?"

You'll probably get that, "Nothing" answer that kids are famous for....:-)

[Rosie_0801]

I have always told dd to engage ...with abundant enthusiasm . If someone is determined to inquire regarding her education I have taught her to list all her classes and what specific idea, book or skill we worked on . Latin works well here-10 minutes of her declining nouns and their eyes glaze over. Serves them right I say. It is a constant problem at our house as two relatives are educators at the university level at colleges of education.They really used to irritate me until I discovered that they knew nothing about most of the subjects we are studying or if they do it has long since been forgotten. It works every time and it impresses upon dd that her efforts are important and something to be proud of ,not hidden as if hsing were a shameful or covert thing. I believe in "flying your freak flag" because we are adults and surely past needing the approval of others. It is annoying but she just takes charge and prattles on about everything from geometry to her favourite comic book characters and why the term antihero applies..yada yada yada. They seriously duck and hide when she approaches it's kinda cool. Ninja -Latin -that's the ticket.

 

Ah, both fun and effective. Much better than the "bugger off" response that came to my mind, but I'm having in-law trouble of my own at present. I think you are right, there is nothing more intimidating than enthusiasm!

Woohoo, enthusiastic academia as a terrorist technique! (Apologies if anyone thinks that comment is out of line, in wouldn't be in Aus, but might be in the US. Like I said, I'm having inlaw trouble at the moment and would like to stick sharp things in their heads. This sort of tactic seems much nicer.)

 

Rosie

[Danestress]

Unless your kids sort of enjoy it. I have one who would be delighted to endure quizzing. It would never occur to hiim that it was anything other than a delightful challenge.

[Kim in TN]

I would say, "Sorry, they don't perform tricks on command.".

 

Ok, I wouldn't really say that.. :001_smile:

[Mama Bear]

Take along a stack of things like The Aeneid, Plato's Republic, a copy of the Constitution, haul along a portable DVD player and the SOTW cds for "when they get bored." I've found that the best weapon when dealing with doubters is and overwhelming pile of information -- relevant or no. You might want to get all excited when someone commences to quiz your little Suzie and offer to discuss the theories of education from the last fifty years. Or the finer points of selecting Junior's high-school science curricula. Or maybe one of your offspring could just randomly spout another language?

 

I was reading Genevieve Foster's George Washington's World aloud in the pediatrician's waiting room yesterday. Hey, we needed some more read-aloud time and the doc was running late -- perfect opportunity for car-schooling (gone haywire) to take place and keep the munchkins from running amok. The place was packed and stone silent as I read. :lol:

 

We'll be with some obnoxious folk on the same day. I'll be packing that same book along, plus Skip-Bo and Uno and a healthy sense of humor. And my invisible light saber for when they -- the adults, that is -- get out of line.

 

Perhaps we should meet back here for debriefing? :D

Edited November 21, 2008 by Mama Bear

[JennyL]

I will definitely let you all know how it goes. Thanks, you have made me smile. Enthusiasm goes a long way, and I do think that my son would enjoy answering their questions. I just know their motive behind them. If I thought they were really paying attention, or sincerely interested I wouldn't mind as much.

 

I'll keep you all posted. :001_smile:

[Guest janainaz]

If I knew they were doing this, I would not be able to sit there without saying something that would put a stop to it.

[Tap]

"oh, look everyone Uncle Bob is showing his mad 3rd grade math skills! Now can you do 2nd grade spelling? How about the word Ball? Can you spell Ball Uncle Bob?" Then I would toss in a "I am sure the kids don't want to be quizzed today anymore that you do." I would walk away, with child in hand, and throw a smile back on the uncle. Kinda a playful smile, but one that lets them know they messed up.

 

 

 

 

I am sorry, I tend to toss rude comments right back on the lap of the offender.

[LNC]

I've had this happen, and I've been a little too snarky.

Edited November 22, 2008 by LNC

[lllll]

Hello. We are going to be with my husband's family this year for Thanksgiving. And while our immediate family totally supports us in homeschooling, I know there are others we will see on Thanksgiving that do not. Here's my question, what do you do when someone "tests" your child, you know to make sure they are actually learning. :tongue_smilie: I just know this is bound to happen. What is the best response without being snarky? Thanks so much!

 

 

 

Maybe it would help you get hold of it if you could get past the fact that they are 'the relatives'. Imagine they are acquaintances or complete strangers. How would you handle it? I've had all kinds of people try to quiz different dc at various times in our hs'ing journey. When one ds was 12, the 12yob across the street kept trying to quiz him on his multiplication tables! And I always consider it to be just plain rude - and that's my starting point with the whole lot of them.

 

When dc were the small, I always stepped in immediately. I'm not very good with quick retorts, so I changed the subject and directed the offending person's attention towards me vs the child. Sometimes I would even physically step between them, if the person was persistent, keeping my eyes glued to the quizzer, and making some kind of physical contact with dc to reassure them everything is OK. I would also suggest something for dc to do elsewhere. In other words, I 'hijacked' the conversation. ;) I usually warned dc ahead of time about these potential 'quizzers' in order to prepare them for any sudden strange behavior on my part.

 

As they got older and were able to understand what was going on, we discussed various techniques for handling the quizzer. I taught them things like changing the subject, responding with questions of their own, running off (great in outdoor situations involving sports and such), telling them bluntly they don't want to be quizzed about their school, etc.

 

Currently, when people quiz them about school, they tend to do what someone already suggested here. They begin listing all the various things they do (a long monologue, in minute detail - a must!;)) until said quizzer's eyes glaze over and they begin looking about frantically for an escape route. This technique never fails, and dc actually think this is kind of fun, now. (our youngest dc is now 15yo) :)

 

I've also tried to help them learn to discern between a quizzer who may be truly interested in hs'ing in general, and the drive-by quizzer only out to soothe his ego for some personal reason (and we don't care about the reason, usually). And if they want to answer questions from the truly interested quizzer, they can ... or they can not. It's up to them. But this is only for much older dc than I think you had.

 

Anyway, gotta run. HTH.

 

PS - I just had a thought. If these are your dh's relatives, maybe it would be best if he dealt with them. That's generally how it seems to work best for us - I deal with mine and he deals with his. That way, the opposite set of relatives is less likely to turn you into the bad guy and vice versa. FWIW

[Remudamom]

Just gently guide your children away from the offending relative while telling them (in a very loud whisper), "Come along dear, Auntie @$$h0l3 has had a bit too much rum in her eggnog."

[Mad Jenny Flint]

We have dealt with this, but thankfully very rarely. I told them that any time an adult in a casual social situation begins to quiz them, they can just tell them "I'm sorry, I just don't feel like answering quizzes right now..." and then they can either a) leave the presence of the offender, or b) suggest another game.

 

LOL

[hillfarm]

I usually prep my 10yo dd with a few fun facts to dazzle the uninitiated. She usually responds with, "I don't want to talk about boring multiplication today. But did you know that Napoleon's military tactics against Prussian General Marchal Gebhard vonBlucher were considered to be...., and also I've been thinking about science--did you know (insert some bit of deadly dull and technical stuff here), and also, that it is considered poor grammar to (commit some obscure and technical language violation). We have also been busy with our friends making a charted enlargement of the Mona Lisa on their driveway and I have moved up into the advanced archery group! (to take care of the socialization and physical activity crowd) What have you been thinking about and doing lately?????

 

This is our time to shine and I can add any other achievements that I would never tout among my homeschool friends as it would be considered outrageous bragging.

 

Usually this is met with stunned silence and the offending adult slinks from the room. Then I have to field questions about whether homeschooling is making dd into a modern day Doogie Howser. At which point I mention the vast number of kids that homeschool in just our county and glibbly say that she fits in very well with her peer group and that her level of learning is not uncommon among them. Then I change the subject and everyone heaves a sigh of relief as they go about their day, worried about this new race of super-brains who will soon take over the nation:lol:.

[PinkInTheBlue]

I'd laugh and say "We don't do pop quizzes in our school; especially not on the holidays!" and then change to a serious face and say "Seriously". Then move on.

 

Or just simply say "We're out of school today and we don't have substitute teachers.". That's just an uncomfortable situation for your kids to have to be in.

[mamaof2andtwins]

I would just ask, "Why do you feel the need to quiz the children?", and let them work their way out of that.

 

Jennie

[TXMomof4]

All of my in-laws are teachers. English, Math, and Spanish. While the parents aren't quite so bad about quizzing my kids, their kids seem to need to *prove* how much more they learn in PS. (I'm certain their parents have explained how inferior HSing is.)

 

I think the best defense is a good offense. One round of the history of the middle ages, or how to do mental math, or one explanation of photosynthesis really goes a long way to shutting the traps of the doubters.

[Tracey in TX]

Best way to deal with my obnoxious extended family is to out-do their obnoxious behavior. Snarky is as snarky does. Most relatives realize the humor and pull in their awful behavior. FIL just gets angry, but at least I am in control of situation and not him.

Children: don't try this at home. This is a closed course with professional relatives!:D

[OnTheBrink]

I don't really have any suggestions. I've found, ironically, that the ps teachers in our family are very impressed with dd in general and don't quiz her (or, they're scared of me; one or the other. LOL)

 

But, I do have a funny story. My EXBIL, the most bitter, angry, know-it-all, self-righteous, donkey of a human being tried this once with each child. He started with DS, who was in high school and was studying formal logic, reading Plato, learning Latin. BIL started in on him about something and DS shot him down by pointing out that BIL's comments were not only just wrong, but they were illogical, too. BIL had absolutely no comeback and decided to gain a victory over DD, who was in 1st grade at the time. So, he starts in on her about phonics. He quizzed her on some phonic rule and he (surprise) got it wrong and Dd innocently corrected him by getting her phonics books and showing him! THEN, not willing to go down easily, decided that he'd quiz her on geography. So, he says to her, "Me and auntie live in another state. Do you know what state and where it is?" DD, "Yes! YOu live in Louisiana! It's the boot!" and she drags him to the US map poster and shows him exactly where Louisiana was.

 

He finally gave up. And, he's the only relative who's ever done that. He did, at other times, attempt to quiz DS on various topics, but was shot down each and every time. Now he won't speak to me or the kids at all, but that's another story.

 

(I typically wouldn't allow DD to be made to feel uncomfortable and had she been, I'd have cut BIL off at the knees. But, she took his quizzing as sort of a game and handled it herself beautifully, never really knowing his true intent. And, it came to bite him. DS was old enough at the time to express himself whether he wanted to carry on the conversation with BIL.)

[Dirtroad]

 

• LATIN is top of the list (no prayers or songs - just words & derivatives)
  
• Start naming the KINGS of England or Presidents
  
• Recite the Bill of Rights or Gettysburg Address
  
• Discuss the continental shift
  
• Do they play Violin - revisit Twinkle, Twinkle & don't rosin the bow
  
• Little ones can list a vowell & then give all the sounds (slowly, an little louder than needed & in a Ben Stein accent):D
  
• Practice little things now that they can deliver easily & efficiently.... and with a subject that will give non-thinkers or arrogant elite types the glazed eye effect.:ack2:
  

Just ideas. However, I am blessed and do not have to deal with such situations. Our families are not very supportive of homeschooling but they do not give us lectures or grief about it. It also helps that the cousins envy them in regards to how much they have read or can talk about.... wahoo! They also have NO difficulty helping out and conversing with people of all ages. Great impressions made with these 2 traits alone.

 

I get the most grief from retired teachers or current teachers (at church or in public arenas). I am so tired of socialization & "one day they will have to be in the real world" comments. Give me a break. But, these obnoxious know-it-alls are not in my family.

Edited November 21, 2008 by Dirtroad

[6packofun]

"Aww, the public schooled kids don't have to take quizzes on holidays and neither do ours! " in a cheerful tone and then move on to another topic or another room.

[Apiphobic]

what to do about obnoxious relatives??

 

Don't you wish there were such a thing as obedience training for obnoxious relatives? ;)

[Hoggirl]

I would just ask, "Why do you feel the need to quiz the children?", and let them work their way out of that.

 

Jennie

 

I wish I had the nerve to say this! And, there is no reason why I shouldn't have the nerve, 'cause there is absolutely nothing wrong with it 'cause it isn't even snarky. It is direct, and it is PERFECT! So, I'm going to attempt this if it comes up!

 

Great advice!

[Tracey in TX]

Don't you wish there were such a thing as obedience training for obnoxious relatives? ;)

:lol::lol::lol:

[brehon]

Just gently guide your children away from the offending relative while telling them (in a very loud whisper), "Come along dear, Auntie @$$h0l3 has had a bit too much rum in her eggnog."

 

 

***cleans up bits of chewed up food from the County issued monitor***

[LauraGB]

Once, this sort of thing happened w/us. Once. I'm rather, um, no-nonsense, I guess. My answer when I saw this questioning taking place was to look at the culprit in shocked disbelief and say "Are you really wondering this? Or are you just a jack***?"

 

:D

 

Now, they must just discuss this subject amongst themselves because I no longer hear ANYTHING from this part of our family about hsing. Anything at all. Oh, and we all still get along swimmingly.

 

Editing to say that this did open a brief and fairly healthy discussion about children and why we homeschool. And about whether or not it is fair to quiz children (culprit's one child had serious reading difficulties and the other had math difficulties). I think the whole thing was *understood*.

Edited November 22, 2008 by LauraGB

[Titus.Two.Five]

:lurk5:

 

Great answers ladies! :lol:

[Desert Rat]

We usually say, "No dog or pony shows today, please." My kids tend to get really introverted when quizzed and well, you can imagine how THAT looks! Talk about antisocial! LOL But I really like the "It's a holiday" responses and will probably use this one. If not next week, definitely Christmas! :o

[JennyL]

I have a pretty great arsenal now. Thanks for your responses.

[FO4UR]

I am :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: at all of these responses! Taking notes.:tongue_smilie:

[JennyL]

Well, it was a whole lotta fuss for nothing. It's almost like someone told the relatives before hand to behave. I am happy to report that we had a great time, no quizzing of the kids was involved. :thumbup:

I hope all was equally well for all of you. Any reports? Thanks again, I am definitely saving your responses.:)

[Jean in Newcastle]

LOL - isn't that always the case?! I bet you were disappointed that you didn't get to use any of our lines!