Your best tips for surviving a high-needs toddler without (too much) drinking?

[Mergath]

I don't know if you guys remember my last post about my younger dd, but I could really use some tips/advice/commiseration from those of you who have survived having a high-needs toddler. She's eighteen months old, and I think I might actually lose my mind. I know this isn't all toddlers because I've got a ten-year-old, plus I've seen other people with toddlers actually, you know, not acting like crazed demons. 😂

I covered some of this when I posted before, but she's just so EXTRA. She's going from the minute she wakes up until the minute she crashes at night, with maybe a half hour nap if I'm lucky. She still wakes up at least six or seven times a night. She needs stimulation constantly. She never, ever, ever sits and plays by herself. Never. She wants me to read to her and then she wants me to play blocks with her and then she wants me to carry her around the house to look out all the different windows because just one window isn't good enough and that's just the first fifteen minutes of the day. The worst part is that she's huge and freakishly strong, the size of a normal three-year-old, so it's really hard to contain her. She can reach the front third of the kitchen counters and the table and will pull everything down. She's not allowed to use them but she knows how to turn on every electronic device in the house. We have to keep the computer chair in the hallway behind a tall childgate because otherwise she turns on the computer and messes it up. (It's a touch screen all-in-one so we can't just put the keyboard away.) When she can't reach it because the chair is put away, she grabs the edge of the computer desk and shakes the entire thing until the computer wobbles within reach. If I hold down the desk so she can't shake it, she crawls underneath and yanks on the cords. I had to move all the furniture away from the computer desk because she was climbing it and then jumping to the desk. And no matter how many times I remove her from it, she keeps going. It's not just computers, she's like this with anything she wants.

If I give her a bath, she's trying to walk on the edge of the tub like a balance beam and then she's climbing the built-in shelves to get the adult shampoo and then she's turning on the water and the showerhead and opening the drain and so on. I almost have to pin her to the side of the tub to wash her hair and by the time she's clean I'm soaked from head to toe and exhausted. 

Homeschooling my ten-year-old is ridiculous. Younger dd thinks it's funny to stand there and scream like a siren whenever I try to do a lesson with older dd. I have to hold her the entire time I'm teaching. I can't wear her in the Ergobaby because she thrashes around so hard she almost knocks me over and I'm worried she'll rip the seams or break the buckle. If I try to put her in the high chair she slams herself against the back of it so hard it almost breaks the adjustable seat. There is zero way to contain her beyond the gate in the hallway, and even that's becoming iffy because she's almost strong enough to pull it out of where it's wedged.

She doesn't seem to have any kind of developmental disabilities that I can see. She says over seventy words, occasionally puts words together, is able to follow instructions easily (if she's in the mood) and understands every word I say to her, so it's not that she's angry because of an expressive or receptive delay. And really, she's rarely ever mad. She's pretty happy while all this stuff is going on. It's the rest of us who are stressed and upset. She thinks it's all tons of fun.

Oh, and if you remember my last post, it no longer takes two people to change her diaper because she now keeps herself busy by kicking the wall hard enough to knock the pictures down. 🙄 

She's awake now so I'm typing with one hand... tips? Advice? Normal toddler techniques are NOT working. At all. 

[Terabith]

This doesn't sound like a developmental DELAY to me (at all), but it definitely sounds outside of the norm.  Perhaps a developmental difference?  She sounds likely to have ADHD, if nothing else, although I have no idea how you treat that in a toddler.....  I would definitely be asking the pediatrician for a referral to a developmental ped?  

Is there any way to be outside 90% of the day?  Is she safe at a park?  

[Lady Florida.]

20 minutes ago, Terabith said:

  She sounds likely to have ADHD, if nothing else, although I have no idea how you treat that in a toddler.....  

That was my thought too. She sounds exactly like ds was at that age and he was diagnosed at age 5. My niece was also like that but wasn't dx'd until she was in school and had a teacher who couldn't stand her activity level (3rd grade). 

As for suggestions, I don't know. I didn't realize at the time ds had ADHD. I just thought he was a highly active child. I also thought it was because he was an only (dss has 20 years on him so they were both raised as onlies) and had older parents. Has she shown any signs of hyperfocus? Something she's really interested in that could keep her occupied long enough for you to breathe and maybe get a lesson in with your older dd?

[Innisfree]

Could she have sensory issues, and be seeking sensory stimulation?

[Ottakee]

I had one just like this, plus the developmental delays.  She started meds at 3 and it was found that she was hypomanic.....a total energizer bunny.  I had her evaluated just before her 3rd birthday and the neuropsychologist came out exhausted after an hour and asked me if I knew she did not attend to any one thing for longer than 15 seconds at a time......YEP, that is why we were there.  Meds made a huge positive difference but treating a child so young takes an expert and close monitoring.  I have said over and over again, "If I knew then what I know know we would have started those meds at 18 months old"....and I am serious.

Can you get an Early Intervention or Child mental health eval done?   Our county does them free in home until they are 3.

[kbutton]

What is bothering you the most right now? Sleep? Safety? I know it's hard to prioritize, lol! 

Can you have her shower with you vs. doing baths? I had to do that with my high-needs kiddo. 

Does she flit from one thing to another if you stay with her? For instance, will she accept more intense or longer activities if you stay with her? My son would read with me for quite long periods of time, and that helped a lot. If she's wanting to read, but wriggling down after one or two books, that is harder than sticking to one thing for a while, IMO, but maybe that part doesn't bother you as much. If she flits, maybe you can set up several similar things to do at once in one area (I am sure you are laughing crazily as you read these suggestions because you've probably done all of this).

I will say that up to 2 was terrible, and then it got better for a little while. We had a blip on the radar for becoming a big brother, and then at 5 or 6, it ramped up again. 

Do you have a long hallway, perchance? We had one, and we could close the doors to the bedrooms and bathroom, and it became all kinds of things--bowling alley, a place to roll a ball and fetch it, a place to run back and forth, etc. I am wondering if you have an area like that you can use for a certain amount of entertainment/containment. 

Will she "work" with you? My son liked running his pretend vacuum cleaner (it was super realistic), dusting, wiping off counters, etc. at that age. He also got a play kitchen. He wasn't as large as your DD, but my parents searched for one that was his size, and it helped a lot. 

We made a dirt pit with Tonka type trucks in the front flowerbed. Sand wasn't really great because we couldn't keep it contained. He liked to dump it compulsively (ditto for bubbles), and he didn't care about playing in it. Dirt was great though. We got him little garden tools, and he dug and dug. He spent a lot of time turning over rocks and picking up bugs and worms at that age too. 

We had a plastic slide that he would use indoors. I developed severe allergies to basically all pollens known to mankind when he was about this age, so my ability to get outside was very limited, and if I did go out, I had to wear a monster mask, shower head to toe, change clothes, etc. Do you have a place for an indoor swing? I think they sometimes have to be reinforced in doorway or something, but that might be something that gets some mileage. Even if you get outside a lot, she sounds like she'd be stressful outside too, and solving the indoor issues might help get more school done.

Oh, we inherited a wagon at this age. My son would fill it with all kinds of crap and drag it everywhere. The heavier, the better.

I think an evaluation is an excellent idea if you can do it. My kiddo did have some developmental issues, but he was also globally gifted. Among other things, he has ADHD, had major sensory issues, and he had convergence issues with his eyes.

Baby swim? A lot of sensory/active kids like the pressure of the water and are more likely to also get tired out with swimming than a lot of other activities.

Symptom-wise if vision issues are a possibility: The convergence was super subtle, and it was life-changing to get that fixed many years later. He compensated well, but one of the big signs was that catching a ball was nearly impossible, and when he would try to hit a ball, he could do it off a tee, but not so much when it was pitched. He had to bat wrong-handed, and he was too stubborn to do that--it turns out that batting the other way around helped him track the ball as it came closer, but he was too personally rigid to want to do it that way because no one else was, and he didn't do anything else left-handed. Anything face-to-face coming at him was lost in his vision at some point--his brain would try to alternate which eye focused on it, and it would look like it was a strobe. Poor kid. 

[Lori D.]

SOO so sorry! I had a wild child with DS#2, but not to the violent/aggressive level you are dealing with.

(In retrospect, I would say he was "low-level on the spectrum of Autism/ADD" -- an under-developed nervous system and lacked the "filters" to deal with all the sensory stimulation coming at him. He screamed for the first year of his life (only way a baby has to throw off stress), was a very poor sleeper -- did not nap at all for the first year of his life, and slept fitfully at night. He had no "filters" or ability to deal with any strong internal emotion or outside event -- whether happy, excited, angry, or scared he reacted physically by coming at you with his fists to pound you. He did that until about age 3 -- also, the only way he seemed to be able to deal with a build-up of stress or over-stimulation was to bite. He was impulse-driven up until at least age 4, and was hyper sensitive to touch and hearing until about age 6-8. Also high energy, but not to your DD's level. Once we started schooling we also discovered some LDs -- extremely visual-spatial learner)

Agreeing that this is definitely outside behavioral developmental norms, so seeking medical diagnosis would be worthwhile, which could lead to helpful therapies, calming treatments, etc. (Example: possibly 5-10 minutes of swaddling in a blanket, or putting her in a sleeping bag or autism sensory sack or body sock, can be calming and "re-set" the out-of-controlness back to a lower level.)

I, too, was wondering about the possibility of sensory issues

Also wondering if some of the wild behavior might be food-triggered -- food sensitivity / intolerance / reaction (gluten, dairy, food dyes, sugar, and corn tend to be the most frequent culprits, but there can be others), or even due to (DD's) sleep deprivation. Perhaps look in to black out curtains and a pink noise generator to help her sleep through the night??

Or a persistent low-grade infection causing her wild behaviors? Or PANDAS? Or Hyperadrenergic POTS? 

In the meanwhile, as you search for what's going on, I would also seriously consider investing $$ for day care or in bringing in some outside help to give YOU a respite! And also prevent this constant level of wildness from negatively stressing your older DD.

This must be physically exhausting and keeping this up is going to put so much pressure on YOUR mental health that it would be easy to snap. I know that finding someone who can deal with a strong, wild child will be difficult, and I can't even think of where you would find that person -- my usual suggestion of a teen mother's helper or a retired "grandma" would probably not be able to cope. Perhaps an athletic college student who could physically wear her out?? A health care facility that can safely and calmly care for her for a few hours a day to give you and your older DD respite?

I totally empathize; this really takes a toll -- DS#2 really stressed out the other 3 of us in the family for years, and it took years more to build to the place where we could feel relaxed with him -- always waiting for him to erupt again. Profoundly grateful that he did finally outgrow whatever was the issue, but it wasn't until he was about 8-9 that we all really began to enjoy things again and feel like we could do things as a family. SOOO sorry you're dealing with this, and hoping you can quickly find what helps. Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited March 11, 2019 by Lori D.

[itsheresomewhere]

If it helps, I am finding that the toddler who aged me now is the most easy going one as a teen.  

Find a exercise class for toddlers.   Honestly, the most exercise he got the better he was to deal with.  DS gave up naps after 1 year old.  He was moving from the time he was up to when he crashed.  I ended up with a trampoline and other small sized exercise type stuff all over the house.  His toddler years I admit took me a while to recover from.  I think I just recovered fully from it recently. 

[Guest]

Well for one thing, I’m betting she’s very, very intelligent. Additionally, she sounds like my child with ADHD. When my son was that age, I thought something was seriously wrong with him. He was evaluated at Kennedy Kreiger and had alllergy testing twice. Nobody could tell me much except, “Compared to your other kids, he’s very active” and “He has been observed being deliberately naughty.” 

Large muscle play helped my son some, though IIRC, you’re up north and maybe that’s hard to get right now. My son jumped on the trampoline many times a day as soon as he could walk. He could do tricks by three. He could swim and ride a bike at four. And his scaling ability gave many playground moms heart failure. 

I do remember a period when I thought I would go straight out of my mind trying to homeschool my big kids with this maniacal nutball who couldn’t play with toys, but could only use them as projectiles. I’m not sure how I survived, but it did get much better at age 4. He’s still impulsive sometimes, fidgets all the time, and can stop people’s heart on a trampoline, but somewhere along the line he did become a human being. He is not on any medication. (Not saying I’m opposed or that you won’t ever need it, just disclosing - we got to now without meds.) 

I did deliberately train him in more things than I had done with my older kids. Like, for instance, I trained him to not go ballistic over being strapped into the car seat because - we have to go places. I pretty much used animal training theories for things like this. I know some people are very opposed to that, but he had to learn to accept certain limitations. It was just a must. I don’t know if you can work on something like that or if you even are willing, but I’m throwing it out there. 

[kbutton]

6 minutes ago, Lori D. said:

In the meanwhile, as you search for what's going on, I would also seriously consider investing $$ for day care or in bringing in some outside help to give YOU a respite! And also prevent this constant level of wildness from negatively stressing your older DD.

This must be physically exhausting and keeping this up is going to put so much pressure on YOUR mental health that it would be easy to snap. I know that finding someone who can deal with a strong, wild child will be difficult, and I can't even think of where you would find that person -- my usual suggestion of a teen mother's helper or a retired "grandma" would probably not be able to cope. Perhaps an athletic college student who could physically wear her out?? A health care facility that can safely and calmly care for her for a few hours a day to give you and your older DD respite?

We did end up doing part-time daycare for a little while. The herd effect was oddly helpful. I had kind of forgotten that cuing from other kids helped. He was a different child in some ways at daycare--just be prepared for the possibility that she lets it all hang out at home and is great at daycare and don't take it personally. I had a lot of negativity in my life at that time from other people, and it was demoralizing for me to realize he was different for other people. I now know that the novelty of being out of the house for a couple of hours once or twice a week went a long way all by itself to give him stimulation.

Montessori preschool was a godsend when he was old enough (also PT for just two afternoons). It was seriously a miracle that we found one that was affordable. I drove twenty minutes to take him, and it was worth every drop of gas. 

[kbutton]

4 minutes ago, Quill said:

I did deliberately train him in more things than I had done with my older kids. Like, for instance, I trained him to not go ballistic over being strapped into the car seat because - we have to go places. I pretty much used animal training theories for things like this. I know some people are very opposed to that, but he had to learn to accept certain limitations. It was just a must. I don’t know if you can work on something like that or if you even are willing, but I’m throwing it out there. 

I wish I had known about ABA for stuff like this. It's for autism, but I think it would work for any difficult child that needed constant attention to learn to be safe. 

[73349]

DS was not quite that intense, but along those lines, yes. (Mine doesn't have ADHD. He was just born with very limited self-regulation abilities.) So here's a commiseration post. 🙋‍♀️

We did not try to bathe him without 2 parents--one to "swim" (i.e., be in the tub with him), the other to "wrestle" (dry him off and dress him afterward).

Consider changing your goal from containing her to exhausting her (e.g., a morning run, then depositing her in a nest of pillows and blankets to snuggle in, with engaging toys/objects at hand to reach for when she's done, before trying to teach your older child anything--try this a few times a day). If you're doing containment, you're always playing defense.

Make sure to reward her for doing hard things you want her doing (sitting down long enough to use the potty, playing without interrupting you before a timer changes color--yeah, you will work up to five minutes eventually!).

Prioritize sleep and surrender to the reality that nothing works until it works, even as you keep doing anything that seems like it might help some. DS got better at 2 and by 4 could sleep through the night. He is still not an easy kid by anyone's standards.

 

Edited March 11, 2019 by whitehawk

[MercyA]

I do remember your last post, and I'll say again when I said there--she's probably very smart. But that doesn't help much at the moment, does it? Others have mentioned almost everything I would suggest--an indoor trampoline if you don't already have one, water play, cutting out food dyes if you haven't already. I might try a Rody Horse or an indoor swing as well. 

And honestly? I would absolutely have her watch TV a few times a day, to give yourself a break, if she'll sit still to watch it (or jump on a trampoline, or bounce on a ball while she watches!). There are plenty of perfectly healthy things for her to watch. We *loved* Curious Buddies here at that age.

Edited March 11, 2019 by MercyA

[Lori D.]

Echoing others -- water play, physical activity, running around outside (which might let you homeschool older DD on the back porch), digging in dirt or sand, wagon / "big wheel" / tricycle / etc for large muscle exercise), the long hallway activities (we had one of those big bouncy balls with a handle you sit on and bounce up and down the hall) all helped burn some excess energy for DS#2. Outside activities like a toddler gym class, swim lessons, or other physical activity.

Also consider practicing left-right activities to help her develop brain connections so she has more access to her logical left hemisphere and isn't functioning solely from the instinctive/emotional right hemisphere. (Many of those in that link are for older children, but you could do a search for activities geared for toddlers.)

I didn't know what ABA was (kbutton's above post), so looked it up at the website I linked -- if you can find someone certified in these techniques in your area, that might help give you some tools for esp. in a year or two to help your DD#2 learn self-control and "scripts" for dealing more appropriately with her emotions/wants and with others.

Edited March 11, 2019 by Lori D.

[kbutton]

I know ABA probably sounds out there for your situation because it's so strongly associated with autism, but if you are open, here are some suggested starting places. I was exposed to this stuff after my kids were older, so most of my information is ABA "lite." Also, while a high degree of structure characterizes ABA, it's not just about structure--there are practical ways to evaluate and figure out what the behavior means that are helpful. I feel like a structured parent has a leg up on this already, but ABA just gives more ideas, support, and context to the good things a structured parent is naturally going to do. 

There are some parents here who did ABA stuff with their young children. If you are interested, they might answer ABA questions on the Learning Challenges board. 

These are some links that look encouraging regarding ABA with ADHD, since most resources will discuss autism:
https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/behavior-therapy.html   This one is specifically about ABA with young children who have ADHD.
https://www.appliedbehavioranalysisedu.org/add-and-adhd/  

If you live near a children's hospital, you might sign up for mailing lists for autism or ADHD or even special needs and just see what comes your way. If you find classes, posts, or events that sound appealing, it might connect you to a group or to resources that would help. For instance, where I live, I heard about a day-long seminar about executive functioning that was really good. It was inexpensive, and it was accessible to parents while being providing CE hours for professionals too. 

[Mergath]

3 hours ago, Terabith said:

This doesn't sound like a developmental DELAY to me (at all), but it definitely sounds outside of the norm.  Perhaps a developmental difference?  She sounds likely to have ADHD, if nothing else, although I have no idea how you treat that in a toddler.....  I would definitely be asking the pediatrician for a referral to a developmental ped?  

Is there any way to be outside 90% of the day?  Is she safe at a park?  

 

Once the snow melts, yes. But right now everything is buried under like three feet of snow. And I'm not even exaggerating. The snow at the end of the driveway on either side is over my head.

I mentioned this stuff to her ped at her eighteen-month checkup, but he just nodded and said something about toddlers being a handful. I think he assumes I've forgotten what they're like because it's been so long since the last one. I think if I want a referral I'm going to have to get a second opinion.

[Mergath]

3 hours ago, Lady Florida. said:

That was my thought too. She sounds exactly like ds was at that age and he was diagnosed at age 5. My niece was also like that but wasn't dx'd until she was in school and had a teacher who couldn't stand her activity level (3rd grade). 

As for suggestions, I don't know. I didn't realize at the time ds had ADHD. I just thought he was a highly active child. I also thought it was because he was an only (dss has 20 years on him so they were both raised as onlies) and had older parents. Has she shown any signs of hyperfocus? Something she's really interested in that could keep her occupied long enough for you to breathe and maybe get a lesson in with your older dd?

 

Watching Spirit on Netflix, lol. That's the only thing that she'll sit quietly for. I've broken down and let her have one or two cartoons a day for the sake of my sanity. Otherwise, it's a complete crapshoot as to what might occupy her for more than a few seconds. 

[Terabith]

Just now, Mergath said:

 

Once the snow melts, yes. But right now everything is buried under like three feet of snow. And I'm not even exaggerating. The snow at the end of the driveway on either side is over my head.

I mentioned this stuff to her ped at her eighteen-month checkup, but he just nodded and said something about toddlers being a handful. I think he assumes I've forgotten what they're like because it's been so long since the last one. I think if I want a referral I'm going to have to get a second opinion.

My kids weren't even a quarter that active, but I found a good solid three hours of exercise was necessary for our survival.  I definitely second the indoor trampoline/ Rody horse, climber/ slide/ wagon/ whatever works.  We went to church gyms to run around in relative safety.  We also did lots of swimming and toddler gymnastics.  

Yeah....the pediatrician doesn't get it.  Do you have an online messaging system?  I would try messaging him with what you've said here, including how difficult daily routines are.  But he does sound condescending.  I'd definitely get a second opinion if that's what it takes.  

Will she engage in activities if you fully engage with her?  Listen to a full board book?  That kind of thing?  Or is it just constant flitting from one activity to another?  

[Mergath]

3 hours ago, Innisfree said:

Could she have sensory issues, and be seeking sensory stimulation?

 

It's possible. She certainly seems more sensory-seeking than the other way around. She has a variety of toys and general stuff to play with, but I don't know much about how to provide more sensory input for her without doing some research. Which I'll probably have time to do in about five years, lol. I've got dh wrangling the baby right now, but he can't handle much of her without getting really frazzled. 

[Mergath]

3 hours ago, HeighHo said:

Since you mentioned drinking, are you set up for water play?  It sounds like its been a long winter and she's ready for a playground., a trike, and a sand pit.   

 

I let her play with water in her high chair tray, and that will occupy her for a few minutes sometimes, but I don't have an actual sensory bin thing with water. With all the snow we have though, soon the yard is going to be underwater so I'll just bring her outside in some galoshes and let her have at it. 😁

[Mergath]

3 hours ago, Ottakee said:

I had one just like this, plus the developmental delays.  She started meds at 3 and it was found that she was hypomanic.....a total energizer bunny.  I had her evaluated just before her 3rd birthday and the neuropsychologist came out exhausted after an hour and asked me if I knew she did not attend to any one thing for longer than 15 seconds at a time......YEP, that is why we were there.  Meds made a huge positive difference but treating a child so young takes an expert and close monitoring.  I have said over and over again, "If I knew then what I know know we would have started those meds at 18 months old"....and I am serious.

Can you get an Early Intervention or Child mental health eval done?   Our county does them free in home until they are 3.

 

We just started ECFE (like a playgroup thing for toddlers through the local school) so I'll probably mention to the educator that I'd like to talk to someone about that. I've known them for ten years now so it shouldn't be too hard to get someone to set it up for us.

[kbutton]

4 minutes ago, Mergath said:

Watching Spirit on Netflix, lol. That's the only thing that she'll sit quietly for. I've broken down and let her have one or two cartoons a day for the sake of my sanity. Otherwise, it's a complete crapshoot as to what might occupy her for more than a few seconds. 

Do you think she understands it? I got the impression this is for older kids. If she is that interested in a show for older kids, she might do some audio books, particularly ones that ding when you need to turn the page. Our library had a lot of those, and my son loved them at about her age or maybe just a little older. He would even do some audio books without pictures--he would listen to Magic Treehouse as a toddler (a whole book in one sitting and then start it again, lol!). I know he didn't get it all, but I think he actually liked having to puzzle it out. 

He also loved informational-ish shows on PBS, like Ruff Ruffman. 

I really thought I would be rotting his brain if he watched TV that young, but he liked shows that really helped him understand the world. Thomas was one of his favorites. Caillou was actually therapeutic, like a social story would be. It helped him realize that not everything that was unexpected would kill him, and he learned to tie his shoes via that show as well. You just never know what will interest an intense kid or what leaps in cognition they've made unassisted. These kids self-teach so many things that they often associate things they have to unlearn later, lol! 

[Mergath]

2 hours ago, kbutton said:

What is bothering you the most right now? Sleep? Safety? I know it's hard to prioritize, lol! 

Can you have her shower with you vs. doing baths? I had to do that with my high-needs kiddo. 

Does she flit from one thing to another if you stay with her? For instance, will she accept more intense or longer activities if you stay with her? My son would read with me for quite long periods of time, and that helped a lot. If she's wanting to read, but wriggling down after one or two books, that is harder than sticking to one thing for a while, IMO, but maybe that part doesn't bother you as much. If she flits, maybe you can set up several similar things to do at once in one area (I am sure you are laughing crazily as you read these suggestions because you've probably done all of this).

I will say that up to 2 was terrible, and then it got better for a little while. We had a blip on the radar for becoming a big brother, and then at 5 or 6, it ramped up again. 

Do you have a long hallway, perchance? We had one, and we could close the doors to the bedrooms and bathroom, and it became all kinds of things--bowling alley, a place to roll a ball and fetch it, a place to run back and forth, etc. I am wondering if you have an area like that you can use for a certain amount of entertainment/containment. 

Will she "work" with you? My son liked running his pretend vacuum cleaner (it was super realistic), dusting, wiping off counters, etc. at that age. He also got a play kitchen. He wasn't as large as your DD, but my parents searched for one that was his size, and it helped a lot. 

We made a dirt pit with Tonka type trucks in the front flowerbed. Sand wasn't really great because we couldn't keep it contained. He liked to dump it compulsively (ditto for bubbles), and he didn't care about playing in it. Dirt was great though. We got him little garden tools, and he dug and dug. He spent a lot of time turning over rocks and picking up bugs and worms at that age too. 

We had a plastic slide that he would use indoors. I developed severe allergies to basically all pollens known to mankind when he was about this age, so my ability to get outside was very limited, and if I did go out, I had to wear a monster mask, shower head to toe, change clothes, etc. Do you have a place for an indoor swing? I think they sometimes have to be reinforced in doorway or something, but that might be something that gets some mileage. Even if you get outside a lot, she sounds like she'd be stressful outside too, and solving the indoor issues might help get more school done.

Oh, we inherited a wagon at this age. My son would fill it with all kinds of crap and drag it everywhere. The heavier, the better.

I think an evaluation is an excellent idea if you can do it. My kiddo did have some developmental issues, but he was also globally gifted. Among other things, he has ADHD, had major sensory issues, and he had convergence issues with his eyes.

Baby swim? A lot of sensory/active kids like the pressure of the water and are more likely to also get tired out with swimming than a lot of other activities.

Symptom-wise if vision issues are a possibility: The convergence was super subtle, and it was life-changing to get that fixed many years later. He compensated well, but one of the big signs was that catching a ball was nearly impossible, and when he would try to hit a ball, he could do it off a tee, but not so much when it was pitched. He had to bat wrong-handed, and he was too stubborn to do that--it turns out that batting the other way around helped him track the ball as it came closer, but he was too personally rigid to want to do it that way because no one else was, and he didn't do anything else left-handed. Anything face-to-face coming at him was lost in his vision at some point--his brain would try to alternate which eye focused on it, and it would look like it was a strobe. Poor kid. 

 

I really just need some time to myself, to relax and get things done. If I try to clean while she's awake, she starts shrieking and she'll get between me and whatever I'm cleaning and push me away. So I end up either trying to clean while I carry her around and talk to her, or cleaning after she goes to bed around nine, and I don't have a dishwasher, which is craptastic. So I'm up every night until like midnight cleaning, and the whole time I'm running back and forth to her during that time when she wakes up almost every hour. 

Oh yeah, she loves reading. She'll sit forever if I read to her, but I have to be reading constantly, and she wants the same book read over and over again, sometimes ten times or more. Drawing is a good one too. No long hallways, our home is only like a thousand square feet. And it's a duplex, so I have to try to keep her somewhat quiet, god help me. Our duplex neighbors have probably taken a hit out on us by now. 😂

Right now she's climbing up the back of the couch, flinging herself backwards onto the cushions, and yelling, "Happy!" as she falls backwards, lol. But she has to have someone right there with her, watching her and talking to her, or she gets mad and starts screaming until she gags. 

[Mergath]

3 minutes ago, kbutton said:

Do you think she understands it? I got the impression this is for older kids. If she is that interested in a show for older kids, she might do some audio books, particularly ones that ding when you need to turn the page. Our library had a lot of those, and my son loved them at about her age or maybe just a little older. He would even do some audio books without pictures--he would listen to Magic Treehouse as a toddler (a whole book in one sitting and then start it again, lol!). I know he didn't get it all, but I think he actually liked having to puzzle it out. 

He also loved informational-ish shows on PBS, like Ruff Ruffman. 

I really thought I would be rotting his brain if he watched TV that young, but he liked shows that really helped him understand the world. Thomas was one of his favorites. Caillou was actually therapeutic, like a social story would be. It helped him realize that not everything that was unexpected would kill him, and he learned to tie his shoes via that show as well. You just never know what will interest an intense kid or what leaps in cognition they've made unassisted. These kids self-teach so many things that they often associate things they have to unlearn later, lol! 

 

She understands that Spirit is a horse and Lucky is his friend and they ride around and have adventures, lol. I'm sure the more intricate plot points go way over her head, but she loves that horse and now every time she sees a horse anywhere she starts yelling "Spi-it!" and freaking out. Pretty much anything with animals in it will keep her glued to her seat. She loves animals.

[Mergath]

3 hours ago, Lori D. said:

SOO so sorry! I had a wild child with DS#2, but not to the violent/aggressive level you are dealing with.

(In retrospect, I would say he was "low-level on the spectrum of Autism/ADD" -- an under-developed nervous system and lacked the "filters" to deal with all the sensory stimulation coming at him. He screamed for the first year of his life (only way a baby has to throw off stress), was a very poor sleeper -- did not nap at all for the first year of his life, and slept fitfully at night. He had no "filters" or ability to deal with any strong internal emotion or outside event -- whether happy, excited, angry, or scared he reacted physically by coming at you with his fists to pound you. He did that until about age 3 -- also, the only way he seemed to be able to deal with a build-up of stress or over-stimulation was to bite. He was impulse-driven up until at least age 4, and was hyper sensitive to touch and hearing until about age 6-8. Also high energy, but not to your DD's level. Once we started schooling we also discovered some LDs -- extremely visual-spatial learner)

Agreeing that this is definitely outside behavioral developmental norms, so seeking medical diagnosis would be worthwhile, which could lead to helpful therapies, calming treatments, etc. (Example: possibly 5-10 minutes of swaddling in a blanket, or putting her in a sleeping bag or autism sensory sack or body sock, can be calming and "re-set" the out-of-controlness back to a lower level.)

I, too, was wondering about the possibility of sensory issues

Also wondering if some of the wild behavior might be food-triggered -- food sensitivity / intolerance / reaction (gluten, dairy, food dyes, sugar, and corn tend to be the most frequent culprits, but there can be others), or even due to (DD's) sleep deprivation. Perhaps look in to black out curtains and a pink noise generator to help her sleep through the night??

Or a persistent low-grade infection causing her wild behaviors? Or PANDAS? Or Hyperadrenergic POTS? 

In the meanwhile, as you search for what's going on, I would also seriously consider investing $$ for day care or in bringing in some outside help to give YOU a respite! And also prevent this constant level of wildness from negatively stressing your older DD.

This must be physically exhausting and keeping this up is going to put so much pressure on YOUR mental health that it would be easy to snap. I know that finding someone who can deal with a strong, wild child will be difficult, and I can't even think of where you would find that person -- my usual suggestion of a teen mother's helper or a retired "grandma" would probably not be able to cope. Perhaps an athletic college student who could physically wear her out?? A health care facility that can safely and calmly care for her for a few hours a day to give you and your older DD respite?

I totally empathize; this really takes a toll -- DS#2 really stressed out the other 3 of us in the family for years, and it took years more to build to the place where we could feel relaxed with him -- always waiting for him to erupt again. Profoundly grateful that he did finally outgrow whatever was the issue, but it wasn't until he was about 8-9 that we all really began to enjoy things again and feel like we could do things as a family. SOOO sorry you're dealing with this, and hoping you can quickly find what helps. Warmest regards, Lori D.

 

Thanks for the ideas! If I can find someone I'd love to get a break, but she's so strong and quick it makes me nervous even leaving her with dh. And poor older dd is highly sensitive, so this has been a struggle for her, too. She gets really upset about the noise and not having enough time with me. 😞 

[Mergath]

3 hours ago, Quill said:

Well for one thing, I’m betting she’s very, very intelligent. Additionally, she sounds like my child with ADHD. When my son was that age, I thought something was seriously wrong with him. He was evaluated at Kennedy Kreiger and had alllergy testing twice. Nobody could tell me much except, “Compared to your other kids, he’s very active” and “He has been observed being deliberately naughty.” 

Large muscle play helped my son some, though IIRC, you’re up north and maybe that’s hard to get right now. My son jumped on the trampoline many times a day as soon as he could walk. He could do tricks by three. He could swim and ride a bike at four. And his scaling ability gave many playground moms heart failure. 

I do remember a period when I thought I would go straight out of my mind trying to homeschool my big kids with this maniacal nutball who couldn’t play with toys, but could only use them as projectiles. I’m not sure how I survived, but it did get much better at age 4. He’s still impulsive sometimes, fidgets all the time, and can stop people’s heart on a trampoline, but somewhere along the line he did become a human being. He is not on any medication. (Not saying I’m opposed or that you won’t ever need it, just disclosing - we got to now without meds.) 

I did deliberately train him in more things than I had done with my older kids. Like, for instance, I trained him to not go ballistic over being strapped into the car seat because - we have to go places. I pretty much used animal training theories for things like this. I know some people are very opposed to that, but he had to learn to accept certain limitations. It was just a must. I don’t know if you can work on something like that or if you even are willing, but I’m throwing it out there. 

 

The more I read, the more I'm inclined to think she probably does have ADHD.

DD is deliberately naughty too, lmao. And she thinks it's hilarious. She'll find something she's not supposed to have, wait for me to catch her with it, and then she gives me this sly smile and laughs hysterically. 🙄 

Yeah, it's not easy living here in MN sometimes. We have an indoor playground complex, but it's mostly geared for older kids, and the toddler area is really dull. I'm anxiously awaiting being able to take her to the playground and the state park. We have a YMCA with a child watch area, but there's no way the teens they have running it could handle dd. 

Edited March 12, 2019 by Mergath

[Mergath]

2 hours ago, kbutton said:

We did end up doing part-time daycare for a little while. The herd effect was oddly helpful. I had kind of forgotten that cuing from other kids helped. He was a different child in some ways at daycare--just be prepared for the possibility that she lets it all hang out at home and is great at daycare and don't take it personally. I had a lot of negativity in my life at that time from other people, and it was demoralizing for me to realize he was different for other people. I now know that the novelty of being out of the house for a couple of hours once or twice a week went a long way all by itself to give him stimulation.

Montessori preschool was a godsend when he was old enough (also PT for just two afternoons). It was seriously a miracle that we found one that was affordable. I drove twenty minutes to take him, and it was worth every drop of gas. 

 

We have one of those nature preschool things here, but I think the kids have to be three before they can go. I'd send her to that in a heartbeat if she was old enough. 

[Mergath]

2 hours ago, MercyA said:

I do remember your last post, and I'll say again when I said there--she's probably very smart. But that doesn't help much at the moment, does it? Others have mentioned almost everything I would suggest--an indoor trampoline if you don't already have one, water play, cutting out food dyes if you haven't already. I might try a Rody Horse or an indoor swing as well. 

And honestly? I would absolutely have her watch TV a few times a day, to give yourself a break, if she'll sit still to watch it (or jump on a trampoline, or bounce on a ball while she watches!). There are plenty of perfectly healthy things for her to watch. We *loved* Curious Buddies here at that age.

 

I actually do keep your post in that thread in mind and try to explain things to her more in depth and talk to her more like an older child, and it has helped quite a bit, so thank you! She's still crazy-busy, but it helped a lot with some of the rage she seemed to have before. She doesn't get mad quite as quickly now, if that makes sense. 

And I did break down around fifteen months and let her start having a cartoon each day. It was literally the only thing left to help me maintain my sanity. And of course I feel guilty about it even though I know it's pretty much necessary at this point.

[Scarlett]

Boy I feel for you.  Others mentioned it too, but as I was reading your first post I thought, ‘ I bet this kid is a genius or something’, 

 

😂 probably doesn’t help you much right now though does it. 

[Mergath]

31 minutes ago, Terabith said:

 

Will she engage in activities if you fully engage with her?  Listen to a full board book?  That kind of thing?  Or is it just constant flitting from one activity to another?  

 

Yep. But I can't half-ass it or she knows and gets mad. Like, I can't just read her a book not paying attention while I plan out my grocery list in my head. I have to be reading her the book with voices and discussion questions. If I do that, she'll sit in my lap and read books forever. And she has a long attention span for things that are dangerous that she's not allowed to do. 🙄  She's super focused when she's trying to climb up a bookcase or something like that.

[lovinmyboys]

I don’t know if this is possible for you, or if it agrees with your parenting style, but around 18 mos is when I started enforcing an hour of time in his room each afternoon for my high needs toddler. His room literally had a mattress on the floor, a small bucket of toys, and a small basket of board books. He didn’t take to it right away, but then he started loving it and I definitely needed it. I started with 15 minutes and worked up to an hour. If you don’t have a place you can childproof though, I know it won’t work. 

My crazy toddler got a lot better at 2, but boy ages 3-5 were rough. Now he is a totally cool 8yr old. 

[Zinnias]

This entire thread is describing my first child.  I had nothing to compare him to, and when I told people about him, I got that, "yeah, toddlers are busy!"  I internalized it a lot, and I thought I was a terrible mother for a long time.  I mean, if other mothers could handle toddler-hood, WTH was wrong with me for mucking it up so badly?!?

Then I had a few more kids, and I realized that it was just him.  :D

He is 12 now, and he is seriously just a great, great kid.  He has had some developmental/emotional leaps along the way that the entire family (even him) can name because they were so dramatic.  And 11 has been the best leap of all.  I really like him so much.  And like other people have said, wicked smart, crazy ADHD, and he needs an XL coffee before we expect him to sit still (like at a funeral).  But an awesome kid.  There is hope.  Lots of hope.  

 

[chocolate-chip chooky]

Oh my. I'm exhausted just reading this thread.

I second, third or fourth the idea that this whirlwind of yours is super-intelligent and is seeking stimulation any way she can.

A couple of ideas:

- gross motor 'jobs' that you can set up for her eg scrubbing chairs, cleaning windows, scrubbing floor

- scrubbing vegies, peeling vegies

- to let her know that this is real and valued help, maybe take photos of her doing them, so you can show Daddy.

 

 

Full disclosure: Montessori 0-3 and 3-6 teacher 🙂 

[Ausmumof3]

I have a friend who had a toddler like this.  She suspects add but no diagnosis as yet.  She does really well with days at the toddler pool, lots of outdoor play.  Maybe consider a kinder gym type class although that doesn’t always work if they aren’t good at following rules.  

These kids often turn out to be awesome people with tonnes of energy it’s just surviving the toddler years that’s nuts.  

[Innisfree]

37 minutes ago, Mergath said:

 

It's possible. She certainly seems more sensory-seeking than the other way around. She has a variety of toys and general stuff to play with, but I don't know much about how to provide more sensory input for her without doing some research. Which I'll probably have time to do in about five years, lol. I've got dh wrangling the baby right now, but he can't handle much of her without getting really frazzled. 

So, if sensory issues seem likely, you could see about getting an evaluation with an occupational therapist who could confirm that suspicion, get you a diagnosis of at least that part of the picture, and-- most importantly-- help you figure out how to satisfy that need for sensation.

There's equipment you could get, like spinning platforms for vestibular input, or soft weighted balls to throw, or all kinds of other stuff. It's at least partly a matter of being able to figure out, "oh, she needs *this* sort of input." Then if you can provide that, in a way that's safe and planned, maybe she can calm down a little. Or maybe not, lol.

I agree she sounds super smart. 

If you get any sort of diagnosis at this stage, that might open the door to early intervention, which might get you a little help. Around here there are special preschool options which are fully funded, like public school. That might be good for her and give you a break.

 

[CindyH in NC]

My wild child is now 18 and has ADD, but not as severe as her older sister who was much calmer as a toddler.  Go figure.  My difficult one has been an angel as a teenager though.  

We dealt with not sleeping through the night until the age of three, sensitivity issues ( socks were a nightmare until we found seamless socks), speech issues, giving up naps at 18 months, etc.  it makes me want to cry just thinking about it.  I understand, I truly do, and I hope it will get better in a year or two for you as it did here.  As she neared the age of 3 it was like a light switch flipped and although she was still super active, she began to behave better -less climbing the shelves in the library and fewer stunts like using her little chair to get on to the stove and then dragging the chair on the stove to get on top of the refrigerator - that was right around 18 months on a day I was having tummy trouble and spending more than the 30 seconds I usually allowed my self in the bathroom without her.  I aged that day. 😉 

  My parents would keep both girls for a weekend, and they would be completely exhausted with a trashed house at the end of it and my mom would always say she'd put her up against any set of twin toddlers in the world. (My parents were great sports about it - their only 2 grandchildren were my dds, and 3-4 times a year they begged to have them so we could have a break. )

Your little one sounds extremely intelligent and like my daughter it sounds like she can figure out ways to get whatever she wants.  No outlet protectors or cabinet locks could stop our little one for long.

Our house is less than 1000 square feet, and I think we must have always lived in chaos those years.  She would cry when we picked up toys and pull them out as fast a possible.  My Tasmanian devil mouthed things way past the time we thought she should - but once the worst of that was over we had rice in tubs with toy scoops and cars and funnels.  I'd take an old sheet or blanket and put it on the floor in an attempt to keep the mess contained.  We spent her first few summers without ac so I'd plop her in a cool bath once or twice a day  with a multitude of bath toys and sing along with Wee Sing cassettes or whatever she liked best while I attempted to clean the other areas of the small bathroom.  If you have a dual sink and she's stable enough to stand in a chair fill on side with a little water and a lot of dish soap so you have lots of foamy bubbles let her wash her play dishes or tea set while you wash your dishes in the other side.  Yes it's messy and we used too much water, but I tried to justify it with cloth diaper use and using the bath water to water plants when practical.   Since you are stuck indoors, I encourage you to use the cartoons or shows she enjoys when necessary - for mine it was The Magic School Bus because that was her older sister's favorite.  

Coloring on a large dry erase board, bouncing on an small trampoline in the house, playing in forts built with the living room furniture with her sister and our cats,  are all things that we did often when stuck in the house in cold or rainy weather.  

Remember you are a great mom, and this will pass, but pursue any appointments or specialists you feel you need to refer with because I think an attentive mother is usually right about theses things.  I had to push for hearing and speech intervention for ours.  Her hearing was fine only selective. 😉  But we were glad we pushed because early intervention was crucial for her speech progressing so quickly.  So pursue what you feel is necessary, doctors only see them for a few minutes at a time and these are cases where momma usually knows best.  

 

[Mergath]

13 minutes ago, HeighHo said:

 

Do you have a swimming pool available?  I am a bit lucky in that our Title 1 public school has a pool with a very shallow part so toddlers can use it an be very very happy all winter.  Well worth the $3 per session.  

 

We have a zero-depth entry pool with a kid area and waterslides at the Y, a waterpark, and a free splash outdoor pad (obviously not something I can use now, but it'll be nice later). We're kind of spoiled here when it comes to water-related activities. I really should get a Y membership and start taking her in the pool. I know they have a lot of open gym times for little kids there, too. I've been so exhausted and stressed out and kind of depressed, it seems like such a monumental effort to get out of the house and do stuff like that, but it would probably be good for both of us.

[itsheresomewhere]

1 hour ago, Arctic Mama said:

They’re going to try a neoprene compression vest on my preschooler who is a bit like this.  The thought is that the sensory pressure may help calm him a bit.  That’s something a therapy team could help you evaluate 🙂

Slightly funny- when DS was younger, they tried this and decided to add weights to it to see if it would help.  Let’s just say that when they went to a high amount for his body weight, he was leaping around the therapy room from one thing to another.  His therapist looked at me and said” have you thought about lead boots?” 😂

[Katy]

I just want to give you a hug. I have one about that age who's not quite so manic but otherwise of similar temperament.  I ended up buying a sectional so huge it divided the great room and closed off the one open area with an arm chair.  The entrance is blocked by a high baby gate.  I call it "baby jail" because I couldn't take stuff like turning my back for a second to find this child belly flopping into the pool created by overturning the dog's water bowl. But mine is small for the age and as of yet hasn't figured out climbing.  When I get desperate I put in the crib, in a playpen with very high sides, or try babywearing.  I have to talk constantly and pull my hair up into a bun and it still gets pulled a fair amount, but it's the only way I get anything done. I also do stuff like unload the dishwasher while toddler is strapped into the high chair eating.  I can usually get an extra 5-10 minutes without a meltdown if I'm talking or doing silly dances constantly.  Mondays are always the worst because with Daddy back at work everyone needs my attention.

[MercyA]

Wow, my 10-year-old loves Spirit! As you know, it's not a flashy or fast-paced show and it's so cool that it holds her attention. NO GUILT!!! You're doing a fabulous job and your children need a sane mother. I would have lost my mind without those tv respites. 🙂

My DD dropped her nap before 2 as well and instituting the "quiet times" someone mentioned upthread were sanity-saving. She could do what she wanted as long as she stayed in her room and was relatively quiet. Maybe try starting at 10 minutes and gradually increase the time, if you have a safe place for her? I'd try to give her novel or high-value toys during that time. 

I wish I could come read to her for you! I'm not very good at playing with kids but I can read to them. 🙂Maybe that's something you could hire a teen to do, if you can swing it, or if someone asks if they can help, maybe you could say, "Come read to my child!"

This too shall pass. My busy girl has grown up to be sensitive and passionate and smart, and I'll bet yours will, too!

 

Edited March 12, 2019 by MercyA

[Storygirl]

13 hours ago, Mergath said:

 

Once the snow melts, yes. But right now everything is buried under like three feet of snow. And I'm not even exaggerating. The snow at the end of the driveway on either side is over my head.

I mentioned this stuff to her ped at her eighteen-month checkup, but he just nodded and said something about toddlers being a handful. I think he assumes I've forgotten what they're like because it's been so long since the last one. I think if I want a referral I'm going to have to get a second opinion.

We had a pediatrician who did not listen, and I ended up self-referring to Help Me Grow, our county based early intervention program. You can self refer.

Once we got the pediatrician's attention by showing him what other specialists said, he was great to work with. I think that his normal mode was to reassure mothers that most things fall in the realm of what is typical. My son tended to shut down and clam up while at the doctor's office, so the doctor didn't see the behaviors for himself and assumed that I was a typical mom who needed the reassurance talk.

I think if you print out and give the pediatrician your first post in this thread, that it will spark a more appropriate response from the doctor. If you like the ped generally, I would give that a try before switching to someone else. I had a good rapport with our doctor otherwise, so I didn't want to switch.

[PeterPan]

You might watch what is calming her body or what types of activities she's drawn to and then do more of that. Some people enclose a porch or garage and turn it into a sensory room. If she does better with climbing, gross motor, burying herself, deep pressure, etc., then that would be the way to get it. Like figure out what kind of input she's seeking.

She does sound very ADHD, fwiw. If you can get some l-tyrosine into her, there are some studies showing it can be as effective as Vyvanse. Pumpkin seeds can improve dopamine levels and attention. You would grind them up and maybe put them in halvah or something she can eat. 

Can you hire someone to work with her while you work with your ds? My kids had that 9 1/2 year gap and my ds was pretty astonishing. Ok, I'll tell you the truth. I confined my ds to a high chair and trained him. Like we started at maybe 2 minutes and increased the time, and it was mandatory. And after he outgrew the high chair, I bought a booster with a tray to LOCK HIM IN. In that way, with some effort, we were able to build up to maybe 20 minutes. I don't remember now because those years are a BLUR. 

I suggest you do some reading on systems like How Does Your Engine Run and using some terminology to get that woven in. Like you could have magnets up with turtle speed and rabbit speed and say we're gonna have rabbit speed 5 minutes more and then we're going to cocoon swing to calm our bodies down and transition to turtle speed.

It's ok to use clear structure and expectations. So having a time or two each day where she sits in a booster sit and plays with toys you funnel her (even if the other dc has to be 20' away, lol. can be clear structure. Or put her in a preschool and let them keep up with her. This summer there will be daycare at the Y with SWIMMING every single day! I didn't know about it but so totally should have done stuff like that. 

She has enough energy to eat up all the interaction you and others can provide. Look for areas that are imbalanced developmentally and try to do more of them to use up some of that energy. Like if it's age-appropriate to color with those grasp hold crayons but she shies away from them, then do that more. If it's age-appropriate to do a certain type of puzzle and she's like no I only CLIMB, then do those puzzles. So then you're not doing more randomly but targeting areas that aren't using up brain energy like they should. My ds had areas of precociousness because other areas weren't developing the same and slurping up that brain power. He would actually noticeably slow down after we would ramp up using those weaker areas.

I agree with the suggestion to call in EI. They may find something, you never know. There are all the areas to look at, not just language. It would be worth a try.

[wintermom]

My 4th dc (a son) was a lot like your dd. It was a huge challenge homeschooling the older 3 dc when ds was 18 - 30 months. We used to do a lot of read-alouds, but had to put them on hold as ds would constantly grab the books and try to rip them to shreds. He was the first of my 4 dc who would open the fridge, and pour out milk for himself (and eventually all the other kids). None of the others had tried to do that, and with all his pouring he got a lot better than they did!  I had 2 kitchen cabinets of pots/pans and plastic containers that ds would pull apart everyday. It would give me about 15 minutes of time to work with the older dc. It was worth that time, even though I had to clean up those cabinets. 

Once ds reached about 2.5, things changed quickly for the better. He was able to sit and draw/scribble at the table and feel part of homeschooling. He did go through 6 months or so of constant monotone whistling, though, which was annoying for the rest of us but read-alouds did march on through. 

While all this was happening, I was reminded of a few comments my own mother had said about me as a youngster. I was kicked out of pre-school for constant whistling, I was all over the place, I was a challenging child. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 😅    

I have no more advice than, "This season will pass." Then you'll have a new season to weather. You can do it! This child will keep things lively and interesting. My own ds is 13 now and still keeps us all entertained, annoyed, and excited to see what new things he will master.

Edited March 12, 2019 by wintermom

[wintermom]

12 hours ago, Mergath said:

We have a zero-depth entry pool with a kid area and waterslides at the Y, a waterpark, and a free splash outdoor pad (obviously not something I can use now, but it'll be nice later). We're kind of spoiled here when it comes to water-related activities. I really should get a Y membership and start taking her in the pool. I know they have a lot of open gym times for little kids there, too. I've been so exhausted and stressed out and kind of depressed, it seems like such a monumental effort to get out of the house and do stuff like that, but it would probably be good for both of us.

Before you buy a membership try out swimming once. With my "wild child" as a toddler the swimming pool was a huge hazard. He wanted to run around the pool deck the entire time. It's slippery, I had to try and keep him contained, and I couldn't do anything with the other dc. You may have to wait until your dd is a little older.

[PeterPan]

Our Y has swim classes for that age that are with the parent. They also have gymnastics for little ones that is basically running and tumbling and the trampoline and games. Gymnastics attracts ADHD, so she'll fit right in.

The reason to work on that motor speed and self-regulation is so she *can* participate in those things without getting kicked out. We had that happen, where a boy was very ADHD (in a gymnastics program that was incredibly friendly to disabilities including ASD and ADHD) who got kicked out because he couldn't regulate his motor. Just working on that self-awareness and terminology can be a big win.

Edited March 12, 2019 by PeterPan

[LMD]

I know this is probably not helpful, but we ended up buying 20 acres of land for our crazy kid. He used to literally bounce off the hallway walls, like he felt trapped. Once we got him out on the land, he would spend hours just spinning/jumping/making up stories in his head out in the sun, he must have been 3-4 by then.

We stopped going places because he would just scream and run (from 10 months old), the library was the worst! Something about those tall aisles and the quietness just set him off, I had to carry him out screaming and sobbing over my shoulder. He escaped from my in-laws' gated and locked property, twice.

The computer thing you describe reminds me of him. I eventually figured out that it took about a month of strict, absolutely no exceptions boundaries before he'd leave the thing of his focus alone. So yes, multiple times a day, every. single. day, I'd have to go through the whole deal of discipline. After that month of me being consistent he seemed to believe me that there was a boundary there and move on to something else. Exhausting.

He also turned into the sweetest, loveliest kid at around 6. He's 8.5 and people who meet him now have no idea. He loves animals and babies, is polite and clever. Still impulsive with a short temper and always moving - even in his sleep he bumps into the wall - but he's actually a real joy 90+% of the time.

Edited March 12, 2019 by LMD

[rebcoola]

Ugh sounds like my 2nd at that age globally gifted and ADHD.   Activites everyday swimming, gymnastics etc.  Housework with me or near me scrubbing walls, carrying laundry baskets (doubled as heavy work) she had her own little swiffer and used the hand held vacuum.  The jumping and climbing I just tried to make safe by keeping landing areas clear nothing stopped that. Also all the outdoor play we could get she would be so  much calmer outdoors. Oh I would get a weighted blanket or sleeper I wish I knew about them sooner we have them now and it helps so much.  She is an awesome 10 yr old but man when I look back I am amazed that we got here.

Edited March 12, 2019 by rebcoola

[Jaybee]

I haven't experienced this, so my only comment will be about the TV watching. I sure wouldn't feel guilty, if it gave me a little time! It sounds like her brain constantly needs things to work on, as well as her body. Of course, you're going to make sure it's decent material, but I wouldn't worry about it as long as it's not hours at a time. I'd see if she's interested in animal documentaries, or builders, or sign language (Signing Time), foreign language videos for kids, etc. Our former library had all kinds of kids' DVDs that were educational.

[BooksandBoys]

She she sounds so much like my now 7.5 year old, it’s eerie. He’s on the spectrum, but because there were no obvious delays just EXTRA (until later), we missed the diagnosis until he was 6. At 5, we started treating the (very obvious at that point) ADHD with an alpha2 agonist (an atypical med for ADHD, tackles the hyper part not the attention part). A week after he started the med, he sat down and built a 24 piece puzzle. He had never sat down to do anything independently before that. It was remarkable. 

The autism diagnosis came a year later. And given how helpful ABA has been, lifesaving really, for me, I wish I had known to push for evals when he was younger.

I'm certainly not diagnosing your DD on the Internet, but I’ll suggest evals. And PM if you want more info/stories. One thing that helped, even at that age, was time in the swimming pool. Something about the pressure of the water on his body has always calmed him. Not IN the water, mind you, that was just crazy making, but after the fact. He was calmed by a weighted blanket too. I’d drape it over him while I carried him around because he wouldn’t sit still/lay still with it. 🙂 

edit: that should have said “not while we were IN the water”

i mean: taking him swimming was hard. So, so hard. But it was worth it. 

Edited March 13, 2019 by BooksandBoys

[Pippen]

Been there, done that. I agree to push for a multidisciplinary evaluation, including OT and speech. So many things that weren't obvious to me at the time were obvious to trained professionals. 

You probably have as little time right now as you did when you had an infant, so give yourself a break and stock up on paper plates, disposable silverware, etc. Anything you can do to lighten the daily load like you did back in those days will help you.