Does a messy house = out of control life?

[Lovedtodeath]

The Oprah special on clutter and episodes on "Clean House" seem to think that if your house is messy than your life is out of control. So... does this apply to you?

 

Me? YES. I feel like my house is messy and my life is out of control. My house is not as messy as one on the show and it has been improving. We get rid of clutter. $1000 yard sale? No way we have that much. Really.

 

I am only allowing 4 options because any more will be of no help. Pick the one that you feel suits your situation the best.

[Guest Katia]

I feel just the opposite. When there are things you can't control in life, then you control the things that you can.

 

Life might suck and I might not be able to anything about the messy life, but I most certainly can find a place for everything and put everything in it's place in the house. Then, at least something in my life has order.

[Lovedtodeath]

Well, so far the majority of night owls have messy houses. I am glad I am not alone, but maybe we should all be getting to bed? :D That's the problem. :lol:

[joannqn]

My house is messy, in part, because it isn't my top priority. The other part is because I tend to get distracted and not finish things. I have all of the classic signs of ADHD. : )

 

I would like to get my house in control again. It's been neat and tidy before...but that was before I was put on bedrest with my second child almost 7 years ago. That's when it was last clean. A month of being stuck on the couch while the house was being used but not cleaned ruined it. Then I had a newborn and a toddler who turned into a preschooler and a toddler who turned into a homeschooler and a preschooler I had to drive to school 5 days a week for special ed classes who turned into two homeschoolers and a newborn who turned into two homeschoolers and a VERY active tornado of a toddler.

 

Add to that the fact that my husband just quit work to start his own business. Now I have to be very frugal until he starts making enough money to pay the bills again. So, now I'm making my own cleaners, couponing and menu planning, and cooking three meals from scratch 7 days a week. Oh, and blogging and writing content articles, and social networking to promote blog and articles to help contribute some income.

 

Who has time to keep up with cleaning?

[Lovedtodeath]

My house is messy, in part, because it isn't my top priority. The other part is because I tend to get distracted and not finish things. I have all of the classic signs of ADHD. : )

 

I would like to get my house in control again. It's been neat and tidy before...but that was before I was put on bedrest with my second child almost 7 years ago. That's when it was last clean.

 

I could have written that!! With my life though, it seems I never do anything. I attend less than half of my religious meetings and I keep intending to get together with friends but never find the time/energy. And one of them died. I really regret not taking time for her. I do not do what I intend or what I would consider a priority 90% of the time. I am so sick of it. Is it just the ages of my dc?

[helena]

My house is messy(except the classroom). I always think my life is out of control, but really it's not. Everything always works out more or less, everyone here is happy, and comfy. There is also a difference between messy and dirty. We are messy......in an artsy kind of way.

[joannqn]

I think part of it is the ages of the kids. It's really hard to be scheduled with a 1 year old.

 

I also don't do what I intended. Usually that means I let myself get distracted by something. I tend to open up my laptop for "just a minute" which runs into an hour. Or I think of something else I need to do and don't get back to what I was doing.

 

The thing that has helped me the most is to have a school bell program (my blog post about it w/link to program) that is programmed to ring at certain times to signal changes in activities. It helps me keep on track better, especially with getting school done. I need to get back to using it but the trial is over and I have been waiting to decide if I can afford the $20 to buy it. I think it is worth the money but I'm afraid to spend anything that isn't absolutely essential right now.

Edited November 16, 2008 by joannqn

[Annie Laurie]

My house is usually fairly neat, but not because I feel together. I actually find that I get a very bothered feeling when it starts getting messy because it's one of the few things I can control. So the life and house are opposites for me right now. Sharing more personal info than I would normally because I'm tired and need to go to bed. :tongue_smilie:

[Renthead Mommy]

My house is messy, but it's because we're busy! I've got better things to do than dust! And yes, my husband says I could drown under my post it notes and other notes. But it's usually a quick clean up.

 

Part of our problem is we are in base housing. It's only about 1200 square feet, so there's no family room, no office, no school room, no music room. Currently the living room/dining room combo serves as all of the above.

 

But I know where everythign is at any giving time (provided my husband hasn't been 'straightening' - that turns things into a search!)

 

But I do admit i'm bad about papers. I tend to throw papers that have a blank back, or just lost of room on them into the scratch/recycle bin by my desk. I pull out papers for lists and book marks and to sketch something to explain it better, make scrath marks for math or whatever. So we just end up with a lot of papers. I'm bad abotu that.

[newlifemom]

My house is messy because that is a lower priority, my life is out of control b/c dh hasn't had a job in over a year. So unfortunately I skewed your poll. Sorry.:D

[siloam]

I would rather organize my life than do housework. :D My life is very orderly, my house is...not horrendous, but nor does it qualify to be in Better Homes and Gardens. I do what is necessary to keep things sanitary and regularly ignore clutter, dusting, stuff like that...until company is coming, then I finally take care of it. ;)

 

Heather

[fivetails]

I voted for "messy and out of control" - but we're moving across country in a week, so I've got an excuse. Right?? :lol: ...ask me again in a few months and we'll see if I've tamed the beast. :tongue_smilie:

[chaik76]

I voted messy and out of control. I wouldn't say totally out of control...things are getting smoother and I'm decluttering the house. Don't know if the two or related or not!

[Donna]

I actually find that I get a very bothered feeling when it starts getting messy because it's one of the few things I can control.

 

I am the same way. When my house is messy, I begin to feel bothered and like I am not in control. I am, perhaps, a bit OCD about having a neat house, though, with kids at home all day, it is not something I can control like I did without kids. I can usually go for a day or so before I have to whip the house back into shape.

 

I have had to try to keep it neat because we are trying to sell, though no one is even looking at it but just in case.

We did a lot of removal of clutter/organizing when we put the house on the market and that has helped to make cleanup easier.

[elegantlion]

I voted messy and my life is in control. My version of messy may be different as dh is a neat freak and I'm not.

 

My house and my life goes through stages. We de-clutter as needed and try to utilize the one thing in, then one thing must go rule. Except books, I'm obsessed with books and love having a large personal library.

 

Getting school done is higher priority than cleaning house.

[amy g.]

My house is a wreck right now, but I really think it is just because we have been so busy.

 

I never got this house unpacked, and organized well because I was very pregnant when we moved in, then I broke my ankle. By the time I recovered, I had a newborn who is now a toddler. She is more important to me than housework.

 

We used to just take a day off of school and clean house, but now the big kids have a bunch of outsourced classes, and it is important to them that they do well in them. Our time is not our own any longer.

 

The good news is that Dh is taking my 3 youngest to his mother's house for 4 days next week. I'm going to spend 40 hours organizing and cleaning my house. I'm so excited.

 

I've been collecting boxes so I can put a bunch of stuff in the attic, and we won't be so cluttered.

 

I have seen people whose lives and houses are out of control, but I don't really think that is the case with me. I decide what is the highest priority for me to spend my time on, and give myself a break about everything else.

 

My house has finally risen to the top of the list after living here 2 years. That's just how it is.

[TraceyS/FL]

My house is currently a disaster..... and my life feels like it. But they aren't tied together at the moment.

 

We've had $1000 yard sales - but that is only because my parents or grandma always had "good stuff" to contribute to the sale! LOL!! (and we lived in CA)

 

We need to have one here - i'm not guessing we will have another $1000 one though.

[TraceyS/FL]

My house is a wreck right now, but I really think it is just because we have been so busy.

 

I never got this house unpacked, and organized well because I was very pregnant when we moved in, then I broke my ankle. By the time I recovered, I had a newborn who is now a toddler. She is more important to me than housework.

 

:iagree: Oh and this - only, add in (since it's been almost 5 years now - and i still have boxes) that my parents moved in 6 months after we did, into my school/guest/scrap room and stayed for 3 years. It was upheaval. As if moving cross country and being pregnant wasn't enough.....

 

DH is going out of town for a week at the end of the week - i feel like we can get more done when he is not around so we are going to attempt that.

[Peela]

What is messy? No room is more than 10 minutes away from very presentable, but no room looks like a magazine room, either. I dont feel the house is out of control though. Nor do I feel overwhelmed by my life at present.

 

For me, yes, there is some sort of connection, but I find housecleaning therapeutic. When I clean the outside, my insides feel cleaner too.

I am sure there is another extreme- people who cant relax unless everything is absolutely in control and perfect- I am not like that, and my house isn't usually THAT tidy, but just kind of relaxed tidy :)

[Danestress]

For me, when I am under stress or feeling the need for more control, I put the kids to bed and start cleaning. I don't do it a lot (and I am definitely a night owl, but prefer to use my night times for reading, knitting etc). I can clean the house pretty well between 9:00 and 12:00 and feel WAY better about my life in the morning.

[lulubelle]

I guess it depends how you define control? I think many women define control as having a clean house. If I had a nickel for all the times an older woman told me "I wish I had not spent so much time cleaning and just enjoyed my kids". I try to take that to heart and not worry about a clean house. It takes a lot of time to keep a house clean. I don't even bother folding laundry - we have a large table with a pile of clean clothes on it. The most I try to manage every day is a load of laundry to clean, a load in the dishwasher and keeping the toilet clean. Control is a very strong word for women - it is the thing we cling to the most and the thing we need to let go of the most.

[ereks mom]

I am the same way. When my house is messy, I begin to feel bothered and like I am not in control. I am, perhaps, a bit OCD...

 

When my house is out of control, it feels like my life is also out of control. I think it's the OCD talking... I'm trying to overcome those tendencies, but it has been very hard. Right now, my house is not REALLY messy, but it's not really CLEAN either. I don't get as worked up about a messy house as I used to; I am learning that there are more important things in life.

[TXMomof4]

For me, when I am under stress or feeling the need for more control, I put the kids to bed and start cleaning. I don't do it a lot (and I am definitely a night owl, but prefer to use my night times for reading, knitting etc). I can clean the house pretty well between 9:00 and 12:00 and feel WAY better about my life in the morning.

 

This is exactly me. If it's messy enough to bother me, I clean after the kids go to bed. Then I'm not disturbed and no one walks on my freshly mopped floor.

 

But like Peela said, no room is more than 10 minutes away from company presentable. It drived dh nuts - he's a little OCD about cleaning, but I'm content.

[Nestof3]

I voted neat/tidy and under control. My house will never be as neat as I would like it to be nor my life as under control as I'd like it to be -- serious Type A. We do have so very much stuff (bookshelves, crafts) in a small house, so it's full, but people always comment on how organized it is. There really is a place for everything. I would go crazy if I had to look around for everything b/c I couldn't find it.

 

When I want a bird book, I know exactly where to go for it. When I want to know what color we painted the living room in, I go to the paint sample folder in the home repair folder. When we sell something, I can locate the paperwork immediately. I like this.

[Lovedtodeath]

I think part of it is the ages of the kids. It's really hard to be scheduled with a 1 year old.

 

I also don't do what I intended. Usually that means I let myself get distracted by something. I tend to open up my laptop for "just a minute" which runs into an hour. Or I think of something else I need to do and don't get back to what I was doing.

 

The thing that has helped me the most is to have a school bell program that is programmed to ring at certain times to signal changes in activities. It helps me keep on track better, especially with getting school done. I need to get back to using it but the trial is over and I have been waiting to decide if I can afford the $20 to buy it. I think it is worth the money but I'm afraid to spend anything that isn't absolutely essential right now.

 

Me too! Do you have Microsoft Outlook? It will set off an alarm when you have something scheduled. You can even hit snooze and it will wait 5 min to an hour and set off the same alarm then. It worked pretty well for the 3 days I tried it.:lol: I really need to set it up everyday, I think.

[Harriet Vane]

I have never understood why people equate the skills for housekeeping to our emotional health. Housekeeping requires a certain set of skills--as with anything else, some people have those skills and others may not, or some may have only some of those skills.

 

Emotional distress can result in a messy house--or emotional distress might result in a rigidly clean house, or it may manifest in some other area of your life. I do believe an out-of-control life will exhibit itself somehow. However, it's just not logical to always, automatically, correlate sloppiness to being out of control.

[LisaKinVA]

There are rooms in the house that are worse than others -- but we've been doing some major re-arranging and re-modeling of a very small space, so it's temporary.

 

In general, everything has a place that at least once a week, it finds it's way home too. However, now that the month-long remodel of the downstairs bathroom is almost completed, we're about ready to clean-up and clean-out, and unpack the boxes that were holding the contents during the re-model.

 

I can only do so much right now -- full time job, homeschooling and pregnant, but I can only "stand" so much as well. There is a certain "clutter threshold" in which I cannot function. For me, the tidyer the better -- but with 4 children in a VERY small space, I've had to lighten up a bit more.

 

We have 8 weeks to get everything ready for the baby -- and that is TOP priority.

[Parrothead]

My house is messy because I have too much stuff for this house. The next time we move we will (hopefully) have a bigger house and the house will be tidy again.

 

I'm not willing to get rid of anything because this is a temporary situation.

[Haiku]

I voted that my house is messy and my life is under control. My house is not dirty. We do not live in squalor. It's just kinda cluttered and not neat as a pin. I choose to spend my time on other things than housework. My kids are little for a short amount of time. Soon they will grow up and I will have lots of time to clean. :001_smile:

[Tree House Academy]

In my personal case, yes...the messier my house is, the more out of control I am and my life feels. When I can focus on the house and keep it neat and tidy (not spotless, just clean), then I feel better and it is obvious that my mental state is better. One of the ways you can tell my depression/anxiety have hit is when my house starts getting "let go." It is one of the first signs for me. I suffer from severe (and at times almost disabling) health anxiety and depression. I am also OCD, so the OCD side of me wants a clean house while the anxious/depressed side can't seem to get it done. I definitely don't think this is the case with everyone though. My best friend totally has things together most of the time and her house is a wreck. Just her personality. And honestly, she could care less.

[KAR120C]

But it's not rare that my house is messy. LOL

 

The messiness seems to be mostly a function of how busy we are, but "busy" isn't the same as "out of control", and barring really extreme circumstances, I feel like most of our busy-ness, even when it's really REALLY busy, is under control.

 

When things do start to feel out of control, I tend to respond with kind of obsessive behavior, but it's not efficient... so the house doesn't get any cleaner! LOL But I might end up with a freezer full of pies, or one room spotless, or rearranged furniture or something.... it's an outlet, but it's hyperfocused so the end result isn't really that noticeable in a general sense. Last time it was scrubbing the cookie sheet. It's really really shiny now... but I'm sure I'm the only person who cares. ;)

 

Right now the house is messy because we're cleaning DS's room. We basically emptied it out and we're putting it back (not all of it!) in an orderly manner. So the guest room is full of his stuff, the family room is the "staging" area for sorting, and the dining room has boxes to take to the thrift shop. Messy, but temporary. We should be done in a day or two.

[HRAAB]

For me a messy house does indicate my life is getting out of control. I need neat and tidy. My kids don't seem to need it at all, but I do if I'm going to function. I really wish I were different but a tidy house makes all the difference in the world for me.

 

Janet

[Crissy]

When there are messes, everything feels a bit out of control.

I say 'a bit' because my home is never actually that messy. No piles of laundry to be done or dishes heaped in the sink. Floors and counters are always clean.

We do have one clutter issue, though. My husband is a saver of all things, and when his piles of paper start growing, it feels hectic and messy.

 

My mind just functions better when the space around me is clean and uncluttered.

Edited November 16, 2008 by Crissy

[newbie]

I dont know, it all depends on the circumstances. A clean house does make me feel more in control. More feng shui. But, my old house was a wreck and things were out of control.

 

New house is tidy, but things still out of control. Conclusion would be its just me. AAAAAH.

[AuntieM]

and I suspect I never will.

 

I can echo what others have said along the lines of I'd rather be living my life, not just dusting it. A spotless house is not my chief priority (unless I am having sleepover company).

 

School is a priority. Yes, the kids have chores, but I don't run Miss Hannigan's place, either.

 

A toddler/preschooler is a random factor... often a phenomenal one.

 

And the contrary-to-Oprah-logic response missing in the poll options: sometimes I take control of the things I can control, because the bigger things I have no control over are driving me bonkers!

 

Then there's the fact that we've relocated 8 times in 17 years with my husband's career. Some items just take a long time to find a new resting place. We declutter, we obtain clutter, we rearrange and declutter again.... there's an ebb and flow.

 

Is my house messy? Many days, quite so. Is my life out of control? That's an interesting question; as a Christian, I understand that it's never really been under my own control anyway. I am just learning - still - to roll with the punches. And not to fret over any of Oprah's "wisdom."

[kalanamak]

Okay, what does "out of control" mean?? If I said my life was out of control, I would be near suicide or murder. What do others mean by it?

[buddhabelly]

you obviously aren't homeschooling! Or you certainly aren't having enough fun doing it. I'm thinking here about the time we brought our earthworms from the yard inside and put them on aluminum foil to hear the little scritchy scritchy sounds of those...um....little feathery things on their bodies that help them gain traction. You know, so they aren't so slippery that they can't move through the earth. Ahem.

 

Nest of 3 is exempt from this theory because I remember that she has a whole different HOUSE for homeschooling. Not a big house, but 'cmon, fess up Nest!

 

My house is so small that I finally got rid of the couch and matching overstuffed chair so that I have some room for sprawling on the floor with books and maps and globes. Or for practicing yoga without moving the furniture. Or for practicing tai chi without moving the furniture. Yes, yes, I do practice much more now, thank you for asking! But........the floor is still covered with Legos, so there's still that step to take care of first.

 

I will take the poll, but it's hard because I'm very CLEAN but UNTIDY. There is a big difference. Dust makes me wretch because I know all the living beings and skin pieces in there (my son is allergic to mites). Even though I can't see the "mess" I'm cleaning off the bathroom floor, I have to clean it a few times a week with vinegar because I have studied biology. Ew. And I've studied viruses, so I know how hardy they are. But I have piles of papers and catalogues everywhere, and books lying here and there. (The books lying around is actually my secret plan. He always reads them all eventually, and what do you know, they are all about the early 1800's!) But I realize I couldn't live this way if I had a toddler, or even more than one or two children.

 

Julie

Edited November 16, 2008 by buddhabelly

[Crissy]

Well, I think that if your house is ALWAYS neat and clean, then you obviously aren't homeschooling! Or you certainly aren't having enough fun doing it.

 

I disagree with this.

Other than my husband's occasional stacks of papers on the entry hall table and on his bedroom desk, my home is always clean. I assure you that we are homeschooling. And loving it.

 

:D

[Jenny in Atl]

I disagree with this.

Other than my husband's occasional stacks of papers on the entry hall table and on his bedroom desk, my home is always clean. I assure you that we are homeschooling. And loving it.

 

:D

 

:iagree:

Mine also tends to be pretty clean and we are very busy and do lots of schooling. I just can't function with a house in chaos. It's far from spotless, but it's clean.

[Annie Laurie]

When my house is out of control, it feels like my life is also out of control. I think it's the OCD talking... I'm trying to overcome those tendencies, but it has been very hard. Right now, my house is not REALLY messy, but it's not really CLEAN either. I don't get as worked up about a messy house as I used to; I am learning that there are more important things in life.

 

That's where I'm at: trying to learn not to let it bother me so much, intellectually I know that a messy house isn't the end of the world; emotionally, it affects my mood a lot and I wish it didn't. I get totally crabby when my house gets really messy and feel so much better when I clean it. When I can feel myself on a downward spring with depression issues, I clean, and it helps my mood.

[Tracey in TX]

Much of my house is a mess. Kitchen, master bedroom, and downstairs living areas are neat and organized b/c DH requests it. The rest of the house is mayhem personified. We spend more time schooling and doing sports, playing outside--living life than cleaning rooms. My home will someday be spotless, and I will be so lonely. Give me chaos and crazy kids until then!:D

[Mesa]

I'm not sure how to answer. My house is for the most part tidy. My life is pretty comfortable... I have young kids so things are often chaotic and we are always running here to there for various kid activities.

I'm getting grouchy today because I feel like my house is a wreck. It's getting messy now and that just bugs me. I guess I need to get off the computer lol.

[sagira]

Define "under control" :D

 

I think my life is pretty under control, nothing majorly disruptive, except now that were going through bouts of sickness that are messing up our schedule :glare:

 

And my house is a mess. A complete and utter mess. Where's that picture on Oprah? I want to see it and compare.

 

It does make me feel good that the lady down the street has an even messier house, though :blushing:

[Jumping In Puddles]

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk?†Albert Einstein :p

 

A Perfect Mess: The Hidden Benefits of Disorder - How Crammed Closets, Cluttered Offices, and on-the-Fly Planning Make the World a Better Place. Interesting read for us mess apologists. :lol:

 

My life is in control, my house is messy but I am working on it. Part of the problem is the mess doesn't bother me. Really. I don't mind if there is a pile of laundry or dishes in the sink or beds not maid but I know that it is better for the kids and my husband and I want to set a good example.

[Sharon H in IL]

Can't speak for anyone else, but for me it certainly does. You can tell the state of my life by looking at the piles of stuff: if they start sneaking back, it's because I can't spare the emotional energy to deal with making the decisions required to deal with them.

 

"Clutter is postponed decision-making."

[Tammyla]

My house is for the most part neat and tidy, but not spotless and sanitized. I've learned to go for a balance. There are days when the floor needs to be vacuumed (mostly shampooed) or the bathrooms need a serious scrubbing, but I have a routine and it works. You could drop in in me and I wouldn't be embarrassed. I think once you reach the point of embarrassment things begin to feel out of control. That said, my kids are not littles and keeping the house up is easier.

[Lovedtodeath]

Okay, what does "out of control" mean?? If I said my life was out of control, I would be near suicide or murder. What do others mean by it?

 

I do not fulfill my priorities (spiritual or personal), or my plans. I am late everywhere I go, (if I go, which is not often). It is rare that I make plans to see friends (like once every 6 months or so). I am embarassed to have company almost all of the time. And I think the phrase "I hate my life" at least once a day. I do find that I can sometimes change my attitude, it's just bad more often than not. All that, and I am tons better now than I was a year ago.

[laughing lioness]

No.

1. The house I grew up in was NEVER messy- life was very controlled and very emotionally chaotic. We've settled for: we live here- relationships are priority. Mess can be cleaned up later, kids grow up and leave FAST.

2. Clutter really irritates me and we do try to keep it to a manageable level. Otoh, I can keep a really clean house or really homeschool. We opt to really homeschool.

3. It depends on our schedule and seasons (literal and figurative). The week that we canned over 100 quarts of garden produce the house was trashed. The week that we had a going away party with inlaws here the house was pristine.

4. If my kids were gone 8 hrs a day to school and activities my house would be a Better Homes and Gardens type of house. I like beauty and neat but kids are better and we have loved the years of mess-generating homeschooling. :001_smile:

[Nestof3]

Nest of 3 is exempt from this theory because I remember that she has a whole different HOUSE for homeschooling. Not a big house, but 'cmon, fess up Nest!

 

 

Oh, how I wish! We are 5 living in an 1,100 sq ft house -- my homeschooling stuff is all over the house.

 

I just happen to love organizing, but I am always self-conscious when people come over, because we have so much stuff in such a small space.

[bumbledeb]

I voted my house is neat and tidy and my life is under control, then I walked through the house and every room is untidy! I was laughing out loud at the sight of it.

 

Generally, if my house was untidy I'd be feeling my life was out of control, but I don't feel bad tonight because I know it's only surface and it won't take long to tidy - we'll do it tomorrow before we start school.