S/O family values re: sex

[st_claire]

I noticed on the teen dating thread that many people on these boards seem to follow the idea of "courtship", which as I understand it from what they have posted, is getting to know someone you intend to marry. Are there any reasons for this besides religious ones? It also made me wonder what sort of family values people here had regarding sex.

 

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children? Only before marriage? Is divorce ok? Common-law? Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person? Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok? What about masturbation? Sex toys? Porn? Strip clubs? Do they expect sex will feel good or bad? Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection?

 

Obviously, only answer what you feel comfortable talking about. I'm very interested to hear what sort of different answers we get on here. Different points of view always give me things to reflect on.

 

Thanks in advance :)

[amy g.]

Well, I don't tell my children that sex is only for before marriage.

 

I imagine they'll figure that out for themselves.

 

 

Just joking-I don't really mean that.

[kat19]

Our kids know that s*x before marriage is not acceptable.

[texascamps]

Funny, you posted that because we just recently had the big talk with one of our kids. Partially because he found and read a book about Talking to your kids about sex beside my bed.

 

"Is that all really true" he asked, in disbelief.

 

So here is the family sex talk. We are religious and have a deep belief that sexual pleasure is a gift from God for married men and women to share.

 

"Sex is the most awesome experience thing that brings a man and a woman together. It creates a physical and mental feeling that is so amazing its indescribable. But it also can create life, a baby. So, a man and woman need to be committed to each other so that they will take care of that child together. Sex is not just for making children, its a special bond between husband and wife that they don't share with anyone else."

 

"Someday you will have that same great experience with your wife."

 

Then of course, there were lots of questions. I had my Anatomy and Physiology book out and he got the full biology lesson about where the sperm comes from, from a cutaway illustration and then the explanation of where the eggs are and how they get together.

 

We got into erections and some other stuff.

 

Abortion has come up and I gave him the full Anatomy and Physiology lesson on that,too, and he was mortified that anyone would ever choose that, especially since some of the most wonderful and talented people we know were adopted. We know a bunch.

 

We are pretty open about sex and biology in our family and my A&P book sits out for constant viewing.

 

But, ultimately, sex is a gift, its a blessing to be able to create life and its a big responsibility to look forward to in a committed heterosexual marriage.

 

 

Viewing porn is considered a lack of self control, and will prevent you (son) from truly appreciating the beauty of your wife's body and will prevent you from enjoying fully the feelings of sex. (porn desensitizes men....remember a well turned ankle under a long skirt used to be enough to drive a man wild....now it seems like men need acoutrements, garters, big boobs, etc.....densensitizing.....):D

 

The need for sex toys are a symptom......see a doctor. there's Viagra now and thyroid tests, testosterone therapy, etc....

 

 

I know my opinionated nature will get me in trouble. This post here is probably reason #20,089 I'll never be able to hold public office.:confused::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::hurray::hurray:

[Pamela H in Texas]

I noticed on the teen dating thread that many people on these boards seem to follow the idea of "courtship", which as I understand it from what they have posted, is getting to know someone you intend to marry.

 

For us, yes. You know someone to some degree obviously and based on what you know of them, decide to spend more time getting to know their ideas, ideals, values, beliefs, behavior, etc with a view to marriage. However, most of the people we know DO call it dating. The couple is just never completely alone for various reasons, temptation only being one of them.

 

Are there any reasons for this besides religious ones?

 

Sure. I believe it's healthier than "dating around." It's, imo, more sound physically, sexually, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

 

It also made me wonder what sort of family values people here had regarding sex.

 

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children? Only before marriage? Is divorce ok? Common-law? Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person? Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok? What about masturbation? Sex toys? Porn? Strip clubs? Do they expect sex will feel good or bad? Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection?

 

Sex isn't just for having children. Like you said in the other thread, it is also for recreation. The big difference is that we believe it was a gift God gave to man and woman within the confines of marriage. So no, ideally they won't be sleeping around. We also don't consider homosexuality, bisexuality, masturbation, pornography, strip clubs and the like appropriate. Sex toys and positions and such would be based on the consciences of the married couple. My kids are also well aware of the positives of sex done appropriately and the negatives of doing so inappropriately. They also know it's the decision of the individual couple on whether or not to have children though they may need to weed through some protection (*I* personally find some against MY conscience, but my kids may feel differently) and protection may or may not work.

 

As for divorce. The scriptures say there is only one ground for divorce with the possibility of remarriage. There are a few other reasons a couple may need to separate (possibly including a legal divorce). For none of those reasons is remarriage a possibility, however, a lot of times when people separate or divorce, SOMEONE commits adultery by being with someone else which would THEN free the other partner for remarriage.

 

I think I touched on everything :)

[tibbyl]

-

Edited November 15, 2008 by tibbyl

[nmoira]

My oldest is 6. We have talked about sex in science, but she understood what mating was wrt animals from David Attenborough, etc. long before this.

 

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children?

I will not. Though it's something that can, with a little planning, happen in spite of having children.

 

Only before marriage?

Neither exclusively before or after. :)

 

Is divorce ok? Common-law?

Children? Pets?

 

Everything we do has consequences. I don't think divorce or cohabitation is inherently moral or immoral. How we treat people can be.

 

Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person

Simultaneously? Sure, though I'd be disappointed if there was deception or breaking of promises. What my adult children will do is up to them.

 

Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok? What about masturbation? Sex toys?

Yes.

 

Porn? Strip clubs?

I don't consider either to be immoral in principle. Sometimes in practice.

 

Do they expect sex will feel good or bad? Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection?

My children will be well informed.

[hsmamainva]

I wasn't one of the courtship posters (we allow dating here...haven't put an age requirement on it, simply because it isn't an issue for my younger ones; my oldest started dating at 17)

 

We've told her that sex is something to be shared with someone that you love and that it's a sign of commitment; it's not something to be passed around like a pack of gum. She should show respect for herself and for her body, and she should find a partner who has also showed the same respect for himself and his body.

 

I haven't told her that sex is only for marriage or only for the purpose of having children. (As for my younger ones, they've only learned puberty issues...and haven't yet expressed an interest in hearing anything past that.) Divorce is something that is misfortunate, because of the pain it can cause, not only to those whose marriage is ending, but to their family members and children; so we have emphasized the importance of getting to know someone for a long time before making such a commitment.

 

We're accepting of homosexual relationships and have members of our extended family who live alternative lifestyles, and my children have been raised to accept people as they are. (So spending Thanksgiving at Grandma's means sharing the table with Aunt Joanne and her partner, Aunt Heather...to my kids, she's Aunt Joanne's partner...end of story).

 

I've had numerous discussions with my oldest daughter about numerous topics, including many you listed in your post. She also knows all about birth control, contraception, pregnancy, abortion, adoption, STDs, AIDS, etc.

[abbeyej]

*

Edited November 16, 2008 by abbeyej

[mktkcb]

Well, we're Christians, and I've tried to handle things very matter of fact'ly with my kids (dd 17, dd15, ds12). Between the bible and Dr. Laura it sort of shakes down like this:

No sexual intimacy of any kind before marriage (yes, kissing included).

No dating till you are ready to get married. (I don't know that I would do a whole courtship "thingie", but I like the basic principle)

Group functions that are highly supervised are totally fine.

Marriage (per Genesis) is 1 man and 1 woman - no group stuff, no homosexuality (per Romans 1 and elsewhere)

Sex is amazing, fun, pleasurable, and certainly NOT just for procreation. Thats why so many teenagers like doing it (duh!!). But the joy that sex + committment brings FAR outweighs just plain ole "do me" sex of today's culture.

Divorce to be avoided as much as possible. As Dr. Laura says: Choose wisely, treat kindly. Divorce allowed for the 3 A's....abuse, addiction, affairs (or at least separation allowed)

STDs and Pregnancy are the direct result of not heeding rule #1. If you follow rules 2 and 3, #1 is no problem.

 

You know, bottom line, even though I'm obviously "religious" in my views, there are an infinite number of practical reasons for the same views, imo. So far I've kept my girls busy enough, and brainwashed enough, that they agree with me. We don't have a television (although we watch movies), and they have never done the "calling friends just to chat/gab" thing. No IM'ing or texting going on in this house. They see lots of friends every week, and are very involved in lots of activities, not to mention that few subjects are conversation taboos, so we have lots of interesting discussions on various topics of this nature. So far, so good :o).

[Parrothead]

Are there any reasons for this besides religious ones?

For us it isn't a religious consideration. I'd never heard of the courtship-thingy until very recently here. It sort of boggled my mind at first, but now I think it is a good idea for those awkward teen years. Once dd is out of the house I really have very little say-so. So for us, I think we will go the courtship route until dd is either married or on her own.

 

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children?

We haven't had that talk yet, but no, I won't be telling her that sex is only for having children.

 

Only before marriage? I will try to get dd to see that sex is something one must be emotionally ready for along with physically. Like a lot of things in life, just because one can, doesn't mean one should.

 

Is divorce ok? In some instances yes. I don't agree with divorce until all other avenues are exhausted or if there is abuse of the spouse or children.

 

Common-law? Sure if the relationship is committed. I've known several common-law couples that have been together for 20 years or more.

 

Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person?

I sincerely hope dd doesn't sleep with more than one person at a time - you know, like a threesome. I see nothing wrong with going on a date with Joe on Friday and then Jim on Saturday if it is only an outing type or a getting to know you type thing. Stringing several people along isn't something I'd condone.

 

Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok? In order to answer this honestly without prejudice, I've just had to decide how I feel about it without being wishy-washy. If it is a committed relationship, to each is own. I think I have the biggest problem with "in your face" activists. But that is another thread for another day.

 

What about masturbation? What I don't know won't hurt me.

 

Sex toys? See above.

 

Porn? See above - in moderation or in a committed relationship

 

Strip clubs? I'm weird about those. I don't care one way or another. i've given dh permission to go if he wants. I've been to one with a group (long story). I think along the lines of "innocent" fun is okay, but like porn not an every day occurance.

 

Do they expect sex will feel good or bad? I hope it is good. Dd is too young for this type of conversation yet. I'm not going to tell her to lie still and think of God and country while it is happening though.

 

Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection? There again, a bit too young, but when the time comes, you betcha.

[kewb]

Dh and I were having a conversation about this recently. I do like the idea of courtship. However, I also believe that a couple does need some time alone. We have taught our children that the purpose of dating is to get to know someone as a potential life partner.

 

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children? No. They know that do adults who love each other also enjoy sex. They also know that our ideal is that they wait until marriage but they will be free to make their own decision.

 

Is divorce ok? Yes. Life is too short to be stuck in a bad relationship. If after making every effort to save the marriage and it is still not working then sure, get a divorce. Exception: Abuse. Leave immediately.

 

Common-law? I would not be thrilled with it but it is not my choice to make.

 

Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person? Ideally, no. I can not make this decision for them. I can only hope that they embrace the values we gave them.

 

Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok? Yes. We don't care what sex you are as long as you treat our children with love and respect.

 

What about masturbation? Perfectly normal.

 

Sex toys? Why not.

 

Porn? Strip clubs? I am not a fan but again, not my choice.

 

Do they expect sex will feel good or bad? They expect that it will feel good.

 

Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection? Yes. I do not want my children to die or have an unplanned pregnancy because they got carried away in a moment.

[Jennifer3141]

Are there any reasons for this besides religious ones?

I have no idea what is considered "courtship" in religious terms and I have NO desire to find out. We'll discuss dating when my kids are ready for it.

 

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children?

Uh, no. I've told my kids that sex rocks! I've told them that it's a private thing mommy and daddy do and that someday I hope they fall in love with someone else enough to share this part of life with them.

 

Only before marriage? I hope NOT. If my children are getting married young, I will consider myself a failure as a parent. If they aren't having sex in their ealry thirties, I'll consider myself the parent of geeks. :D

 

Is divorce ok? Since this is my second marriage, yes.

 

Common-law? I don't know anyone in a common-law relationship. I thought that only happened in the deep south in history. Does Michigan even have common-law? DH and I lived together before getting married but in no way were we "common-law married."

 

Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person? I hope my kids have respect for their bodies and respect for the bodies of those whom they love. I also hope they have the guts to have open hearts, even after an important relationship ends and they need to move on.

 

Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok? It is absolutely ok.

 

What about masturbation? I hope to heck they enjoy the bodies I made them.

 

Sex toys? Sure. I just don't particularly need to see it, nor do I want it left on the dining room table. Buy a nice satchel, like I did. ;)

 

Porn? If it turns them on and isn't an addiction, sure.

 

Strip clubs? I've had a blast in a few throughout my life.

 

Do they expect sex will feel good or bad? I hope that when they are older, they will demand that it feel good. What the heck is the point if it doesn't???

 

Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection? Abso-freaking-lutely. toned down for very young ones. We have also started talking about cigarettes and how disgusting that is too.

 

Jen

[Mx5]

I noticed on the teen dating thread that many people on these boards seem to follow the idea of "courtship", which as I understand it from what they have posted, is getting to know someone you intend to marry. Are there any reasons for this besides religious ones? It also made me wonder what sort of family values people here had regarding sex.

 

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children? Only before marriage? Is divorce ok? Common-law? Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person? Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok? What about masturbation? Sex toys? Porn? Strip clubs? Do they expect sex will feel good or bad? Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection?

 

Obviously, only answer what you feel comfortable talking about. I'm very interested to hear what sort of different answers we get on here. Different points of view always give me things to reflect on.

 

Thanks in advance :)

 

Pastor Mark Driscoll has a big huge banner on his church's website which reads:

We labor to replace Christian porn, adultery and divorce with HOT HETERO COVENENTAL MONOGAMY.

 

Dig around on the resurgence website - you might be surprised. Some fabulous audio and video. Enjoy!

[jamnkats]

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children? Only before marriage? Is divorce ok? Common-law? Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person? Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok? What about masturbation? Sex toys? Porn? Strip clubs? Do they expect sex will feel good or bad? Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection?

 

We tell them that sex can make a baby if you don't use protection but that it is also to express your love to your partner. We'd prefer their first experience be with someone they are partnered with, in a relationship with and I have pointed the 14yo to the scarleteen website for more emotional sexual relationship information. I really don't care how they self-identify or if their sexual identification is fluid. It is really not any of my business unless they want to involve me. I would support them in any (other than predatory) sexual connotation they desire. Masturbation is the BEST! We are big supporters of self satisfaction for a number of reasons - satisfying that sexual urge and getting to know you and your partner's body and how to please them. Porn is ok too. Not my first choice, but again, their sexual life, not mine. I would hope they expect sex to feel amazing. :) We've talked about protection and pregnancy but not yet about STDs. The 14yo is just not there yet, but we also don't do one BIG talk, but keep talking regularly, just like with everything else.

[tibbyl]

I'll second the scarlet teen website for accurate, realistic information. Teens often find it less awkward to read to learn for themselves instead of asking the parent all the questions.

[Peela]

Fairly liberal here. Most important to me is that they understand how the hormonal attraction thing works, understand the issues with disease, don't fall in and out of relationships because they feel inadequate in themselves- it is important to me that they value themselves highly enough to behave sensibly. But after a point- I feel they are free beings, not for me to control or to strongly impose my values upon. They need to work out their own, and I see my job as giving them a broad education and exposing them to many values, including my own, so that they can make up their own minds. Of course I will have my biases.

 

Marriage is not an issue for me- I don't care if my kids marry or not or if they have many relationships in their lives, whether they turn out to be homosexual, or have sex out of marriage. I hope they find partners they can grow with and who they are compatible with, especially if they choose to have children.

 

I don't see it as my parental duty to pass on my values to them, or my spiritual beliefs, or my sexual beliefs. I have a very liberal background- it would be hypocritical to teach that which I havent lived myself. But I will and do share my ideas, and the wisdom I have gathered in 41 years. And I do impose boundaries I feel are appropriate at every stage.

 

My experience contributes a lot to my approach. I left home at 16 to live with an older man who actually just took care of me till I left school. My parents were divorced, with new partners, one an alcoholic- it was him I was escaping. I was hitchhiking over Australia at 18. Living on the streets at times in the next few years- yet I come from a normal middle class family. Their values didnt work for them, let alone for me. I had a mind of my own in my teen years. My kids values are already different from mine, and that's ok.

 

I want to respond to each situation as it comes, and keep the communication channels open with my kids at all times. I don't want to come from a pre-planned formula on how we are going to deal with things. I want to stay open to my own growth and journey as a human being so they feel they can speak their true minds as well.

Anyway, we will see how it lives out.

Edited November 15, 2008 by Peela

[Karen in CO]

Fairly liberal here. Most important to me is that they understand how the hormonal attraction thing works, understand the issues with disease, don't fall in and out of relationships because they feel inadequate in themselves- it is important to me that they value themselves highly enough to behave sensibly. But after a point- I feel they are free beings, not for me to control or to strongly impose my values upon. They need to work out their own, and I see my job as giving them a broad education and exposing them to many values, including my own, so that they can make up their own minds. Of course I will have my biases.

 

Marriage is not an issue for me- I don't care if my kids marry or not or if they have many relationships in their lives, whether they turn out to be homosexual, or have sex out of marriage. I hope they find partners they can grow with and who they are compatible with, especially if they choose to have children.

 

I don't see it as my parental duty to pass on my values to them, or my spiritual beliefs, or my sexual beliefs. I have a very liberal background- it would be hypocritical to teach that which I havent lived myself. But I will and do share my ideas, and the wisdom I have gathered in 41 years. And I do impose boundaries I feel are appropriate at every stage.

 

My experience contributes a lot to my approach. .

 

:iagree:

I answer their questions in age-appropriate ways. I make sure the girls are strong and capable so that hopefully they will not be victims in their relationships. I make sure that I teach all of them that respect in a relationship is important. Children are always a blessing. We discuss creating a culture that respects life and values people and differences.

[Murphy101]

I noticed on the teen dating thread that many people on these boards seem to follow the idea of "courtship", which as I understand it from what they have posted, is getting to know someone you intend to marry. Are there any reasons for this besides religious ones?

 

Depends on how one views dating in general doesn't it? Isn't dating about getting to know someone, maybe well enough to marry? Or is it just to have a fling? Or just to make a "friend"? (I wonder how many guys think it's just to make a new friend? Betting none!;))

 

To me, I see no purpose to dating a guy one wouldn't even consider marriage with. That doesn't mean they should only date if they want to get married next week. It just means knowing what one is getting into with dating and taking that into consideration when deciding to date someone.

 

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children?

 

No.

 

Only before marriage? Is divorce ok? Common-law? Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person? Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok?

 

No to all of the above. Sex is for marriage. Divorce is not ok, but annulment in some situations is understandable.

 

What about masturbation? Sex toys? Porn? Strip clubs?

 

No. There's no healthy point to any of that and many unhealthy results.

Aside from that, if one has a spouse, they shouldn't need any of that stuff. I have a man. I don't need anything or anyone else to fulfill my desires.:D

 

Do they expect sex will feel good or bad?

 

Good.

 

Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection?

 

Yes.

I teach that STDs spread b/c people are not faithful to one another.

I teach that STDs can also happen because someone made a mistake before they found someone to be faithful to.

Protection from STDs is to avoid sexual encounters outside marriage, get tested prior to marriage, and to stay faithful once married.

 

Sex causes babies. If one doesn't want babies, they shouldn't risk sex because any time one has sex, they could get pregnant.

 

We don't feel a need to seek protection from babies. Their just wee little helpless babies and we're not scared of them at all.;)

[texascamps]

 

We don't feel a need to seek protection from babies. Their just wee little helpless babies and we're not scared of them at all.;)

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::iagree:

 

Teeeeheeeee heeeeeeee

 

There are worse things in life then being cursed with a baby.......

 

liver......

dust bunnies....

late night TV....

static cling....

[Rosie_0801]

Well, what I tell them and what I want to tell them will be two different things, I know that!

~I don't believe sex is only for creating children.

~There would be no use talking against pre-marital sex, since their dear Mamma and Daddy aren't married.

~They will be told that divorce is acceptable, but only as a last resort unless the situation is abusive. In abusive situations, divorce is a much better idea than sticking around. In my opinion, a marriage is over when one or both people are no longer actively interested in making it work, in that they are not willing to actually do anything about it. We will encourage the idea that counselling is a good idea when you run into problems. If you don't know how to solve a problem, you find someone to help you. That's sensible, not a weakness (and I learned that by experience!)

~It'd be nice if they would restrict themselves to one sexual partner, but we are not part of a community that supports that, so "serial monogamy" will be promoted. No cheating, you must break up with the first before getting involved with anyone else. Promiscuity will be heavily frowned on. Dc's godfather is an interesting character and knows many more *really* interesting characters. He will have some of those chats that prudish mammas don't really want to know too much about when they are of a suitable age. Once he has had those chats, I will be having some too, so they know where I stand and I know where their thoughts are. I think most of those alternative sexual lifestyles are destructive for most people, but from the reading and talking to people I have done, I have to feel that they are right for some, a *very* small amount, of people. I hope that if their interest in these things can be satisfied by reading and talking to their godfather, they won't feel the need to jump in and learn by experience. I'm crossing my fingers they turn out a bit on the prudish side, but dh is not prudish, so I'm not holding my breath.

~The kids will learn very early on that homosexuality and bisexuality are normal places on the sexual spectrum. Their godfather is gay and not at all shy about it.

~Sex toys are their own business. I don't think I need to say anything about that.

~I don't mind porn in theory, providing they are quite aware that they are not real people, they are pixels, and that is not an accurate portrayal of loving sex, anymore than Hollywood is.

~I have more problems with strip clubs, because those people look real. By the time they are of an age to go to such places, they'll be out of my range of influence though.

~They'll get the whole talk on sexual health. I don't like the pill, but I would recommend my daughter and my son's girl are on the pill and using condoms until they are at a stage where they would be able to handle pregnancy. No giving up condoms until they see results from a recent STD test, and it has nothing to do with trusting your partner.

~"Do they expect sex will feel good or bad?" It's important that it feels good, so I'm going to have to go into far more detail than I want to! Lucky dh isn't so prudish as I am, or I don't think I could do it! We spent 8 months in sex counselling, so I wouldn't dream of neglecting this area of their education. Even though I'd really like to!

~There will also be plenty of chatting about appropriate choice of partners. "Leave any guy who hits you, and don't look back" and "Don't marry a scrooge" were only two pearls of wisdom given by my mother. The other tidbit was "don't get into any situation where you might do more than you intended to do." That was useful only for stunting our sexual development. My sister and I wound up thinking that being in the same place with someone we liked could have us in bed together in a split second! She definately presented it all as "all or nothing" which wasn't helpful. My father's advice was to date lots of people before settling down. My sister has, and has had a variety of fairly crappy boyfriends, though she seems to have settled on a good one finally. According to Dad, she's the 'good' one. I looked very carefully, and discounted nearly everyone without having to date them. I picked right the first time ;) yet I'm the 'bad' one. I'm all for dating, but don't think you have to go through strings of obviously unsuitable people. You could pick people who do seem suitable, even if you find out later they weren't.

 

Rosie

[Veritaserum]

I will not. Though it's something that can, with a little planning, happen in spite of having children.

 

This made me laugh because we, uh, have struck out a few times this week due to sick kids. ;)

 

We're ok with dating (and kissing) but teach that sex is something for emotional, not just physical, maturity. We also teach that it's such a special relationship that it is best shared with someone you love and are committed to (and they are committed to you). We are Christian so we teach that marriage is the best setting for a sexual relationship.

 

My parents did not teach me anything, which was a mistake. It conveyed a message of shame which is something I hope my children NEVER get regarding such a healthy, natural part of their humanity.

 

I teach childbirth education, so my children are already familiar with the basic mechanics of pregnancy/birth and the older ones know that babies are made when men and women share this special, physical relationship.

 

Even though I hope that they will choose to wait until marriage before having sex, I will teach them about contraception, STDs, etc. because if any of them did choose to have sex before marriage I would certainly hope they'd do so as safely as possible. :)

[dirty ethel rackham]

Funny, you posted that because we just recently had the big talk with one of our kids. Partially because he found and read a book about Talking to your kids about sex beside my bed.

 

"Is that all really true" he asked, in disbelief.

 

So here is the family sex talk. We are religious and have a deep belief that sexual pleasure is a gift from God for married men and women to share.

 

"Sex is the most awesome experience thing that brings a man and a woman together. It creates a physical and mental feeling that is so amazing its indescribable. But it also can create life, a baby. So, a man and woman need to be committed to each other so that they will take care of that child together. Sex is not just for making children, its a special bond between husband and wife that they don't share with anyone else."

 

"Someday you will have that same great experience with your wife."

 

Then of course, there were lots of questions. I had my Anatomy and Physiology book out and he got the full biology lesson about where the sperm comes from, from a cutaway illustration and then the explanation of where the eggs are and how they get together.

 

We got into erections and some other stuff.

 

Abortion has come up and I gave him the full Anatomy and Physiology lesson on that,too, and he was mortified that anyone would ever choose that, especially since some of the most wonderful and talented people we know were adopted. We know a bunch.

 

We are pretty open about sex and biology in our family and my A&P book sits out for constant viewing.

 

But, ultimately, sex is a gift, its a blessing to be able to create life and its a big responsibility to look forward to in a committed heterosexual marriage.

 

 

Viewing porn is considered a lack of self control, and will prevent you (son) from truly appreciating the beauty of your wife's body and will prevent you from enjoying fully the feelings of sex. (porn desensitizes men....remember a well turned ankle under a long skirt used to be enough to drive a man wild....now it seems like men need acoutrements, garters, big boobs, etc.....densensitizing.....):D

 

The need for sex toys are a symptom......see a doctor. there's Viagra now and thyroid tests, testosterone therapy, etc....

 

 

I know my opinionated nature will get me in trouble. This post here is probably reason #20,089 I'll never be able to hold public office.:confused::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::hurray::hurray:

 

I agree with everything you have to say except about the toys. They can be an asset in a marriage if used appropriately. For some people, the problems are a result of aging, childbearing, side effects of other medications, etc and not fixable with drugs, surgery, therapy, etc. Some people find that it is they are the only solution that works (after trying dozens of other things) to keep that part of their lives satisfying.

 

Okay, running away in embarrassment ...

[ma23peas]

 

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children?

 

No, but it's reserved for the person you plan to spend your life with.

 

Only before marriage?

Not before marriage.

 

 

Is divorce ok?

It happens, but if you trust in God and honor Him He will lead you in the way you should go...

 

Common-law?

No

 

 

Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person?

It's their life, I can't tell them what they can or can't do but I can tell them the route that will honor God.

 

Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok?

No.

 

 

What about masturbation?

I see no problem with it unless it is tied to the next 3 things you mentioned..handle this from a physiological need point...God did not design us not to have pleasure.

 

Sex toys? Porn? Strip clubs?

No, No, No.

 

 

Do they expect sex will feel good or bad?

Good.

 

 

Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection?

All those things are related to folks who have sex outside of marriage...hence the preferred route of no sex before marriage...two committed people and none of the 3 things above will happen in such a way that it would be a burden.

 

Obviously, only answer what you feel comfortable talking about. I'm very interested to hear what sort of different answers we get on here. Different points of view always give me things to reflect on.

 

Thanks in advance :)

Tara

[Zelda]

 

We don't feel a need to seek protection from babies. Their just wee little helpless babies and we're not scared of them at all.;)

 

Oh my gosh, that just made me laugh so hard. :lol:

[HRAAB]

We don't feel a need to seek protection from babies. Their just wee little helpless babies and we're not scared of them at all.;)

 

That is priceless.

 

Janet

[Zelda]

*

[Zelda]

*

[RoughCollie]

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children?

 

No.

 

Only after marriage?

 

No, but ideally only after marriage. I tell my kids about the realities of having to pay child support or raise a child, and about STDs. I tell them I will not raise my grandchildren so they don't think they can have a dozen kids and palm them off on me. I also tell them about how having the emotional maturity to handle a sexual relationship is essential, and how sex can complicate a relationship emotionally.

 

Is divorce ok? Sometimes.

 

Common-law?

 

It hasn't come up, but a common-law marriage is valid in some states and requires a divorce to get unhitched.

 

Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person?

 

I hope they date more than one person at a time while they are single. I did, and I'm no worse for it. We haven't discussed having a sexual relationship with more than one person at a time. When it comes up, I will tell them why behaving like an alley cat is harmful to both themselves and their partners.

 

Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok?

 

I teach my children to treat other people with politeness and respect. I told them that if they were gay or bisexual, it would not change my love or acceptance of them one iota.

 

What about masturbation?

 

I told them it was something done in private, and that it would not cause them to go blind, grow hair on their palms, or otherwise have a deleterious effect. I look at it as being their business.

 

Sex toys? Porn? Strip clubs?

 

If my kids know about sex toys, that would be news to me. Porn and strip clubs -- I look at these as a being part of an industry that is demeaning to women. Not allowed.

 

Do they expect sex will feel good or bad? Good.

 

Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection?

 

Yes, of course.

Edited November 15, 2008 by RoughCollie

[pqr]

I am fairly conservative and will certainly encourage my children to be so as well.

Divorce.... last resort. If there are children involved absolutely the last resort. Children need both parents and the happiness of the child is more important than that of the parents. If however there is violence involved then one has reached the point of last resort. If the issue is my daughter and the violence is against her, divorce fast or her father may find out and then she may be a widow (just joking, I think?).

 

Educating them on issues....of course.

 

Common law...absolutely not. This is merely a way of putting window dressing on "shacking up".

 

Homosexuality, well this is where I disagree with many posters. It was stated

 

~The kids will learn very early on that homosexuality and bisexuality are normal places on the sexual spectrum.

 

using the definition of normal from dictionary.com, normal is:

1.conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

3.Psychology. a.approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.

 

 

It is part of the homosexual agenda to argue that homosexuals comprise 10% of the population but many would argue that these numbers are hugely inflated and that the truth is probably closer to or less than 5%.

 

1 in 20 is not an "approximately average in any psychological trait". It may be on the sexual spectrum, but it is in the abnormal part of the spectrum.

 

Given the above I will certainly teach my children, when they are old enough to know of such things, that it is not normal. This does not mean that they should be mistreated, but that their behavior is an aberration and deviates from the norm.

 

 

Of course when I say "I" will teach them, in reality I mean my wife as these types of conversations, regarding sex, just give me the creeps.

Edited November 15, 2008 by pqr

[Soph the vet]

We teach that sex is a great gift that God has given married couples. Our prayer would be that our dc would be pure at their weddings. We will fully discuss STD's, alternative lifestyles, etc. with our dc, we're not planning on shielding them from any of that. DD10 already knows most things. They will understand that marriage is a picture of Jesus and the church's relationship (Eph. 5) and that divorce is permitted is some extreme cases like abandonment or adultery, but it is never to be taken lightly, that both parties and their dc are wounded and need to be loved through those awful days.

[TxMama]

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children? Only before marriage? Is divorce ok? Common-law? Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person? Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok? What about masturbation? Sex toys? Porn? Strip clubs? Do they expect sex will feel good or bad? Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection?:)

 

When I was preggers with kiddo #3 I brought the older kids who were 9 &10 at the time with me to buy the pregnancy test. While we were there I also showed them where to locate the condoms. I remember telling them that if I walked in the store and saw them buying condoms that I would pretend that I didn't see them BUT if I walked in the store and saw them buying pregnancy tests expect to see a scene! :lol:

 

I've taught them that sex is an adult activity with adult consequences. Sex is a decision they get to make regarding the where, what, why ,who, and how but they need to be aware of the consequences of their decisions.....the babies, stds, emotional heartbreak, etc. We've had many frank conversations about sex. We even have a family definition of what sex is and what sex isn't so there isn't any confusion on the matter. :tongue_smilie:

 

I hope my kids have a healthy happy sex life and I hope they make whatever decisions needed to help them towards that goal. I will support them in whatever lifestyle they choose because it is their decision!

[Laura Corin]

I would prefer that my children wait to have sex until they are in loving and stable relationships. I impress on them that sex can result in babies, not to mention emotional and health consequences. My boys have a lot of information about sex, and it's something that we talk about quite freely. We hope to continue advising and helping them to make good decisions, but will be supportive, rather than condemnatory, if they don't follow that advice.

 

Whether their relationships are with men or women doesn't matter to me, nor would I disapprove of sex outside of marriage.

 

Laura

[Catherine]

While I understand the reasons for limiting a child's relationships to courtship and not dating, and even can agree that avoiding sex prior to marriage might be the right decision for some people (those who are very mature, thoughtful, have excellent family support and self-control, as does their future partner), I am forced to acknowledge that this is not the model I followed.

 

If I had, I'd have been married to someone who was not the right person for me, and would never have met and married my wonderful husband of 16 years. Ditto him for me. So at the very least, when I talk to my boys (one is 15 so we've talked plenty already) I encourage them to think carefully about sex, that it's not child's play and nor for children. We've talked about the pleasures and huge responsibilities of sex and consequences (pregnancy\diseases). OTOH, because of my own experience, because I am\was immature, had the wrong kind of family messages or whatever, I see dating as a means of meeting potential future partners for life so I support the concept.

 

Homosexuality is OK in my book. Luckily we know many wonderful people who are gay so it's not like we need to look for someone as an "exhibit" for my boys. I'd avoid telling them that being gay is "abnormal"-so many many of my gay friends have lost or limited contact with their families of origin over being told they were wrong or abnormal. I'd be heartbroken to lose a child over something that to me is a private matter and not a moral issue. Thus far, I see no indication that mine are gay, so I simply hope to help them see all people as worthy of love and respect.

 

I think porn is a little sad, and we've talked about the costs of regular consumption-desensitization, etc. However, I recognize that many normal people look at porn and I've encouraged them to be thoughtful, mindful of the fact that porn is images of real people who may have posed for the photo to get $$$ to feed their kids.

 

Toys? It's none of my business.

[Nakia]

I just wanted to say thank you to the OP and all the those who have responded. My oldest is only 8 so we haven't had to talk about this stuff in detail, but I am always interested in what others tell their children. I might print some of these answers for the future!! :grouphug: to all the wonderful parents here!!

[Cricket]

The other day we were driving to tae kwon do and saw a car with a blue ribbon on it that said "Support Strippers". My 10 yo ds read it and asked what a stripper was. We tend to talk about any issue openly so I explained that a stripper was a woman who took her clothes off because men gave her money. He sat there for a second and then said, "People do that? So if I was walking down the aisle with a woman to get married and she used to be a stripper then that guy over there and that guy over there could have already seen her naked?! That's stupid!" Then he just shook his head. :lol: Obviously, taking off your clothes for people other than your spouse is frowned upon in this house. We haven't gone into the nitty gritty details as to what sex is but our oldest knows it is something between a husband and wife. We don't talk about it as a bad thing. In fact, dh says quite a few things in front of the kids that I wish he wouldn't but I'm a bit more reserved that he is! My dad was very pleased with my mom and showed it often. I don't think she could walk by him without him patting her, kissing her, whatever. I think our kids are getting the same positive message about sex. Our kids are aware of homosexuality. It's almost impossible not to be in this culture. We've taught them that it is a sin. We hold basic conservative Christian views on sexuality.

[Joanne]

I noticed on the teen dating thread that many people on these boards seem to follow the idea of "courtship", which as I understand it from what they have posted, is getting to know someone you intend to marry. Are there any reasons for this besides religious ones? It also made me wonder what sort of family values people here had regarding sex.

 

 

Actually, there are several popular courtship models. I think of it as a continuum. It's a conservative approach, but on one side of courtship, there is a more liberal approach. One the other, a more conservative one. I think arranged marriage, for example, is on the extreme end of the conservative side. On the end of the liberal side are those who only allow group activities and present "dating" as only to be considered when ready to find a spouse.

 

It is mostly religious families who embrace courting, but I believe most of them would say the benefits are something to be considered for all teens/young adults.

 

There are risks of young, early, intense relationships (with or without sex) and courting minimizes those risks. Risks include heavy emotional toll, issues that challenge the child's developing maturity, an obscuring of focus from studies, service work, paid for work, etc. Let's be honest, teen relationships can be heavy, dramatic, consuming. Most parents would want their kids to avoid that.

 

All that said, I don't believe in parent imposed courting.

 

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children?

 

 

No.

 

Only before marriage?

 

I'm confused. Do you mean only *after* marriage? I think most sane people would think it's great after marriage. :D

 

Anyway, to answer what I think the question is.

 

I tell my kids that most Christians believe the Bible to be clear that sex is reserved for marriage only. It's what they hear from peers (mostly homescooled), from their youth groups (they are in 2) and the scripts in our family devotionals.

 

Personally, I am less.......convinced that "marriage" today is what the spirit of cited scripture represents of Biblical times.

 

 

Is divorce ok?

 

 

Yes. And I will *never again* offer a list of reasons for which *I* think it's acceptable. I have seen, heard of, read and been PM'ed about countless situations in which divorcing people have a much more complicated, usually awful story than what they offer publically.

 

I do not like the current divorce rate. I think it stinks for adults, children and our culture in general.

 

But my kids will grow up knowing that their Mom does not embrace "divorce is not an option" (anymore). "Divorce is not an option" nearly killed me - slowly.

 

Their Dad has been married 4 times. IMO, it's an insult and silly to call us all "wives" or call the string of relationships marriage, in spite of the paperwork involved.

 

 

Common-law?

 

Sure. I am all for long term, stable (happy and healthy) relationships.

 

 

Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person?

 

By the time this is possible, I have very little power and limited "say" even. By the time they can do this, my values have been communicated and they have made/are making their choices in this regard.

 

It's my hope (and I've shared this with my children) that they do not make common mistakes, some of the mistakes I made and that they make honoring to themselves and other choices.

 

We do and will continue to have dating rules that assist my children through the years when they are in my home as minors and are maturing. I do not expect them to wholeheartedly embrace my feelings on each of these subjects.

 

 

Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok?

 

Their Dad mostly does not.

Their stepDad mostly does not.

I do not know about their step mom.

 

It's is an ongoing debate, issue and huge contention in our denomination at large.

 

I think that homosexuality and bisexuality is ok.

 

 

What about masturbation?

 

 

Absolutely fine.

 

Sex toys?

 

I hope they haven't found ours. :lol:

 

Porn? Strip clubs?

 

 

Mixed feelings. I have concerns about the industry, the people in that industry. I do think, however, that while porn can be addictive and therefore carry great risk to the addict and those around him/her, I don't think it's automatically addictive or automatically an issue if a couple mutually accepts porn as part of their lives.

 

 

Do they expect sex will feel good or bad?

 

 

Wonderful, I hope!

 

Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection?

 

Yes to all the above.

[Heather in Neverland]

I don't generally use the term "courtship" but we do not believe in "one-on-one", unchaperoned, recreational dating. I am not going to arrange my sons' marriages :D but I am also not going to allow them to put themselves in situations where they would be unduly tempted.

 

We teach that sex is a wonderful gift to married couples from God, you can only give your virginity once so make sure it is Ms. Right, not Ms. Right-Now. And my oldest does know that sex will “feel good†which is why people want to do it even when they shouldn’t.

 

We teach sex is for procreation and recreation (inside a marriage). We have discussed a little about STDs and pregnancy but he is also young and will get more details as he gets older.

 

We teach porn is sinful and the devil's way of taking something good and twisting it (as are strip clubs). Sex toys? That's up to them (inside marriage).

 

Homosexuality is also the product of a fallen world, is a sin, and can be forgiven.

 

Divorce is contrary to God's will for us and should be avoided at all costs. But, like other sin, it happens and can be forgiven.

[emeraldjoy]

I was the out of wed-lock pregnant teenager AND I came from a conservative christian home. These experiences have made my opinions sort of unique.

 

Aside from the teaching that out of wedlock sex was a sin, it was never, ever, ever discussed in my family. What I knew, I knew from friends or books or stuffy school officials AND the 'boys' that eventually became my partners. I did not even know how to say no, which landed me in scary situations when I was too young to be in them without the ability to say no.

 

In fact, I was sexually active for more than six years and honestly believed that it was something done only for the purpose of men because I received no enjoyment out of it...I thought woman (or girls at this point) that claimed to like it were lying because I did not understand the pleasure part....(remember I was active during this time).....maybe too much info here but I feel strongly about this topic. I thought that it was impossible for women to enjoy because I never did....and... I never had anyone to ask or turn to.

 

An aside...our society, on one hand treats sex as a very taboo, sort of dirty topic yet glorifies it excesively in the media and other places on

the other hand...this is very confusing for teenagers...very ,and in my

opinion causes quite a lot of problems.

 

Anyway.....I am a living testimony of all the damage that occured to a the precious heart of soul of a teenage girl who had sex with too many people for all the wrong reasons. It has taken me years to forgive them and myself and my parents for this very dark time in my life....all the while knowing it was a "sin"...funny how that works. It didn't stop me, just made me too scared to talk to anybody about it....even my precious Creator. So....on this end of the issue I very much want my children to wait. My body was not ready to recieve the pleasure and my soul was not ready to be attached in such an intimate way to the partners and I had a long journey of healing that I would never want for my own children..

 

The other end is obvious...I needed more communication and I needed a safe place to go so this I will provide for my children. We openly discuss sex now and I will inform them of all the options when it is appropriate. I feel they need to be safe and protected and have the beautiful ammunition of information no matter what they decide. If they know the things that I never did then I trust that they will make good decisions and I will support them. I will not cause fear and will not discuss it in a way that involves the horrible s-word. (sin). I believe there are so many other natural consequences that can be rationally discussed that scaring them in such a way is not the best approach.

 

All of that being said; When my daughter asks, and she is the only one who has so far, about her future husband, kids, etc. I tell her (with the heartache of too many wrong partners lurking in my body) that I firmly, firmly believe in Destiny and that her Creator has also created someone else who is her perfect match. No stress, no worry, just excitement that someday she will find that perfect someone and she will know it when it happens...no questions, no wondering just an assurance that she can make it through that time in her life without soul ache. This I pray for my children.....

sorry it is so long.

emerald

[Pamela H in Texas]

nevermind

[Joanne]

Divorce is contrary to God's will for us and should be avoided at all costs. But, like other sin, it happens and can be forgiven.

 

Divorce is not a sin.

God hates divorce because the marriages that make them necessary are against His will, against His (wonderful) design for marriage.

 

The presence or absence of paper has nothing to do with whether a marriage is real, authentic, Godly or not.

 

I'm not in need of forgiveness by God for my divorce.

[Heather in Neverland]

Divorce is not a sin.

God hates divorce because the marriages that make them necessary are against His will, against His (wonderful) design for marriage.

 

The presence or absence of paper has nothing to do with whether a marriage is real, authentic, Godly or not.

 

I'm not in need of forgiveness by God for my divorce.

 

We all have to be at peace with our own decisions. I'm glad you are at peace with yours.

[Heather in Neverland]

 

 

Anyway.....I am a living testimony of all the damage that occured to a the precious heart of soul of a teenage girl who had sex with too many people for all the wrong reasons. It has taken me years to forgive them and myself and my parents for this very dark time in my life....all the while knowing it was a "sin"...funny how that works. It didn't stop me, just made me too scared to talk to anybody about it....even my precious Creator. So....on this end of the issue I very much want my children to wait. My body was not ready to recieve the pleasure and my soul was not ready to be attached in such an intimate way to the partners and I had a long journey of healing that I would never want for my own children..

 

 

 

 

This absolutely broke my heart. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[st_claire]

Thanks for all the great responses. I really enjoyed reading all the different opinions here. And yes, I did mean "only *during* marriage" lol sorry for the type-o.

[Carrie12345]

I noticed on the teen dating thread that many people on these boards seem to follow the idea of "courtship", which as I understand it from what they have posted, is getting to know someone you intend to marry. Are there any reasons for this besides religious ones? It also made me wonder what sort of family values people here had regarding sex.

 

Do you tell your kids that sex is only for having children? Only before marriage? Is divorce ok? Common-law? Can they date or sleep with more than 1 person? Does your family consider homosexuality or bisexuality ok? What about masturbation? Sex toys? Porn? Strip clubs? Do they expect sex will feel good or bad? Do you talk to your kids about STDs, pregnancy and protection?

 

Obviously, only answer what you feel comfortable talking about. I'm very interested to hear what sort of different answers we get on here. Different points of view always give me things to reflect on.

 

Thanks in advance :)

 

I have to say, I *like the idea of courtship. Or some of the aspects of it, at least.

As far as the other stuff, I plan to give my children my opinions and lots of facts and expect them to use the information wisely.

 

Sex is most certainly not just for procreation in my book. It also doesn't *have* to be just within marriage, though I do hope they will intend for it to be that way. I wasn't married when I had ds#1. I won't paint that situation as evil, though I do point out the difficulties that came with it.

 

Divorce is acceptable when the alternative is a loveless marriage, imo. Multiple, simultaneous partners is dangerous, physically and emotionally, but those are private ADULT choices.

 

Sexual orientation is somewhat meaningless to me. I've never been in love with a woman. That's made my life easier than it would be if I had. I would like for my children to have simple lives, but happiness and love is more important than simplicity. To me.

 

We've talked to the 10yo about STDs and other physical risks of sex. Porn and toys and the like are NOMB. Unless you're talking about mine.;)

[Desert Rat]

Thanks for posting this Rosie. I agree whole-heartedly.

[sunshine]

[

I know my opinionated nature will get me in trouble. This post here is probably reason #20,089 I'll never be able to hold public office.:confused::tongue_smilie:

 

 

IS THAT why no one voted for me?????

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[HRAAB]

All of that being said; When my daughter asks, and she is the only one who has so far, about her future husband, kids, etc. I tell her (with the heartache of too many wrong partners lurking in my body) that I firmly, firmly believe in Destiny and that her Creator has also created someone else who is her perfect match. No stress, no worry, just excitement that someday she will find that perfect someone and she will know it when it happens...no questions, no wondering just an assurance that she can make it through that time in her life without soul ache. This I pray for my children.....

sorry it is so long.

emerald

 

That is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

 

Janet

[emeraldjoy]

Thanks for for the kind responses to my post.

This is certainly something I have pondered quite a lot....

e

[percytruffle]

I was the out of wed-lock pregnant teenager AND I came from a conservative christian home. These experiences have made my opinions sort of unique.

 

Aside from the teaching that out of wedlock sex was a sin, it was never, ever, ever discussed in my family. What I knew, I knew from friends or books or stuffy school officials AND the 'boys' that eventually became my partners. I did not even know how to say no, which landed me in scary situations when I was too young to be in them without the ability to say no.

 

In fact, I was sexually active for more than six years and honestly believed that it was something done only for the purpose of men because I received no enjoyment out of it...I thought woman (or girls at this point) that claimed to like it were lying because I did not understand the pleasure part....(remember I was active during this time).....maybe too much info here but I feel strongly about this topic. I thought that it was impossible for women to enjoy because I never did....and... I never had anyone to ask or turn to.

 

An aside...our society, on one hand treats sex as a very taboo, sort of dirty topic yet glorifies it excesively in the media and other places on

the other hand...this is very confusing for teenagers...very ,and in my

opinion causes quite a lot of problems.

 

Anyway.....I am a living testimony of all the damage that occured to a the precious heart of soul of a teenage girl who had sex with too many people for all the wrong reasons. It has taken me years to forgive them and myself and my parents for this very dark time in my life....all the while knowing it was a "sin"...funny how that works. It didn't stop me, just made me too scared to talk to anybody about it....even my precious Creator. So....on this end of the issue I very much want my children to wait. My body was not ready to recieve the pleasure and my soul was not ready to be attached in such an intimate way to the partners and I had a long journey of healing that I would never want for my own children..

 

The other end is obvious...I needed more communication and I needed a safe place to go so this I will provide for my children. We openly discuss sex now and I will inform them of all the options when it is appropriate. I feel they need to be safe and protected and have the beautiful ammunition of information no matter what they decide. If they know the things that I never did then I trust that they will make good decisions and I will support them. I will not cause fear and will not discuss it in a way that involves the horrible s-word. (sin). I believe there are so many other natural consequences that can be rationally discussed that scaring them in such a way is not the best approach.

 

All of that being said; When my daughter asks, and she is the only one who has so far, about her future husband, kids, etc. I tell her (with the heartache of too many wrong partners lurking in my body) that I firmly, firmly believe in Destiny and that her Creator has also created someone else who is her perfect match. No stress, no worry, just excitement that someday she will find that perfect someone and she will know it when it happens...no questions, no wondering just an assurance that she can make it through that time in her life without soul ache. This I pray for my children.....

sorry it is so long.

emerald

 

:grouphug:emeraldjoy:grouphug: I am so sorry for your pain. There were tears running down my face as I read your post.

 

Isn't it amazing that the Creator can take such pain and suffering and use it to mold you into the precious, caring mother you are. Your children are blessed to have you as their mother.