Do you enjoy being around your kids?

[bethben]

I "know" this is a homeschool forum and we are all around our kids a lot.  But do you enjoy it?  I haven't thought about this for a while.  Today, while I was at my gym, I was noticing another woman's boys just being boys - arguing about something or other.  No big deal- brothers being brothers.  I asked her if she was happy when school started up again as I saw them arguing.  She said, "I LOVE summer vacation because I can be with them all the time."  I was happy for her but it struck me that I don't have that same reaction at all.  I don't enjoy my children for the most part.  My husband is even noticing this and has in some ways taken up the slack by being super dad and making sure the kids are having great times with a parent.  I will also be public school mom next fall as all my children will be attending school somewhere besides home.  I just have nothing left to make sure either of the two youngest get a decent education.  Yes, it would probably be in both of their best interest to homeschool them, but I've got nothing left.  I told my small homeschool group the other night to make sure they're taking care of themselves and their own souls because I didn't.  Since my oldest son was born, I have given and given and have completely lost "me" to the point I don't even know what emotions I'm having.  I want to make this better for at least their sake.  They deserve a mother who cherishes them.  I'm it.  How does one even fix this?

[Chris in VA]

Oh honey, I'm sorry. You are burned out. It's hard to enjoy ANYthing or ANYone when that's the case. 

I would say you can start taking care of yourself now. Is there a way to carve out some time for yourself? Can you hire someone to help once or twice a week for a couple of hours? 

You can get back your joy--you really can. As for now, you are just showing your kids that we need to live above our feelings sometimes--now show them how good self-care is imperative for those caring for others. ❤️

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yes.  Most of the time.  I think from all the sum total of your posts over the last year that counseling might be helpful to you. 

[Rosie_0801]

"You can have too much of a good thing."

^There's a reason for that saying.

 

Kids deserve a mother who gives their best. They don't deserve a mother whose best is perpetually on "domestic goddess" setting. No one is perpetually on domestic goddess setting. Sometimes our best isn't very good right now, but when you think about it, you don't want to train your kids that they or their spouses will be on domestic goddess setting forever. They need to be trained that people are people and sometimes people, even mums, burn out. 

The cure is probably distance. Distance yourself from rigorous education and watch a lot of documentaries for a while. Distance yourself from the pressures of well balanced meals and feed everyone microwaved frozen veggies and cheese on toast. Say "go play outside" more often. Say "I can't care about inter sibling relations right now because I'm painting. Or do you want me to paint a picture of you guys arguing?" Then paint it. Heh. Stuff like that. (Actually, all your kids are old enough to make microwaved veggies and cheese on toast.)

 

((hugs))

[Xahm]

Not all the time, for sure! I love them and I'm glad I get to spend so much time with them, I just wish it was a bit less time, sometimes, or that I could carve out some time for myself in a reliably regular manner. The older ones will give me "alone time" if I ask (for a bit anyway), but my toddler thinks that when I leave the room I must be playing hide and seek. He bursts in with "here you are" just as I was about to fall asleep or right in the middle of the chapter I was reading. It's adorable, I know, but not something I always enjoy in the moment. I'll remember these days fondly, but I'm looking forward to a little more independence as well.

[HomeAgain]

I love my kids.  I like being around them.  Do I enjoy every aspect of the day?  No.  Do I enjoy the hard days? No. 

I love my kids enough to know that I need to take care of me first, then them, or else I am lost and resentful.  I am not a good mom when I am "justa" mom and not a person in her own right.  You talked to a mom who is enjoying that time, right then.  You didn't talk to a mom who has 4 children at home all the time, one with special needs, and is busy keeping up with the day-to-day demands.  I think you would have gotten a different answer from a mom who needed a break instead of one who had breaks built in. 

[scholastica]

I agree with previous posters that you need some counseling and self-care. 

[Mimm]

Oh you sound depressed. Like, see your doctor depressed.

I enjoy spending time with my children yes. Even my oldest who I have a pretty difficult relationship with, I mostly enjoy spending time with. My middle has so much her own life and I miss her. My youngest, I cherish our time together.

Please take care of yourself.

[bethben]

23 minutes ago, scholastica said:

I agree with previous posters that you need some counseling and self-care. 

I don't disagree.  Dh and I have talked about it.  The timing is not great during the summer as I usually have at least two children (my oldest and my youngest) trailing after me.  I call it my kid circus train.  My oldest is pretty chill during appointments and my gym time and the youngest gets her netflix fix so she's good.  It's just carting around people and not getting a moment to think because dd talks constantly.  My ds who is 17 can usually watch my oldest for about two hours so I can get some stuff done such as doctor appointments. He works during the summer now and his job schedule is pretty sporadic so I can't count on him in advance.  I usually am still taking the youngest with me for very good reasons I can't discuss.  And still - after three years in a new location, are trying to find people to help and figure out the screwy system for someone to watch my oldest.  He's not 24/7 nursing care which disqualifies him from one system for more than a two hour shift, but still needs that type of care randomly during the non nursing shift which disqualifies him from another system.  The state professionalized the system so it doesn't work for more than a one to two hour window of time as far as we can tell.  It's just easier to take him with me everywhere.

My friend, as part of her supports for the full time ministry she is in, was able to talk several times with a life coach who helped her figure out how to balance her life better.  It sounded heavenly.   I do need that.  Part of the reason my two youngest are going to school full time is that I just didn't have anything left in me to continue.  AND, we found a school where the education they will hopefully receive is almost exactly what I would have done if I had the energy to do so.  So, I am making changes (like joining a gym and excercising which I enjoy) slowly but I agree, I most likely need someone to help me find "me" again.  Most days, I just want to sit on my back deck all day and let the children have the house.  

[lavender's green]

I do. But I like it better when I have an extra pair of hands around, and when I've had adequate me-time. I'm prone to burn-out of all sorts (not just kids), and it is absolutely essential that I take steps to combat it. My physical and mental health suffer, otherwise.

Is it possible for you to go on a retreat or get a helper for your special needs child? I know a family whose lives improved a whole lot when both parents went on separate quarterly multi-day retreats, plus they hired a college student to do most of the after-school care of their special needs teen.

I just re-read the OP before hitting submit. Not knowing what emotions you're having sounds like very deep depression. Please take care of yourself and get find some help.

[Ravin]

I love my kids, but definitely feel more balanced when not with them 24/7/365. We are taking a vacation this summer, just the kids and I, and I'm sure I will feel the need for a break a few times in there at least. That said, I do miss them quite a lot when I'm at work, even though I appreciate the break!

[BlsdMama]

I can honestly say I do.

I can also say I honestly have been where you are now.  
Can I ask - is it just them or are you finding your life to be overwhelming and essentially all give and you get little joy out of it?
I couldn't see then, but I can see clearly now, I was in a low swing of depression.  I've never had depression before and never again anything like it since, thank God in Heaven, but wow, I couldn't see my way out of the fog.  I'd wake up in the morning determined to be thoughtful, kind, generous, and cheerful...  And lose it after ten minutes of being awake, totally overwhelmed and wanting to check out.

You can get on the other side of it, but I suspect will is simply not enough to get you there.  And, without miracle or intervention for you, school won't do it either, because it doesn't fix the root of the problem, kwim?  ((((Hugs))))

[LucyStoner]

Yes and no.  

There are challenging moments (both sons are autistic) and any parent needs non-kid time.  But yes, I find a lot of my time with my kids to be pretty enjoyable.  Still, catch me on a morning where the 14-year-old is glued to his bed and is making us all late or when they are screaming bloody murder at each other over something pointless and no, I don't enjoy that.  Who the heck would?  

 

[PeterPan]

3 hours ago, bethben said:

How does one even fix this?

Have you been to the doctor lately to work on anything physical going on? It does sound like you've got some depression going or a physical slump or both. It's also normal for mothers of kids with SN to see a counselor. That might be a thing to put on your list. You don't even have to know why. You can just say it's self-care, find someone, and start going weekly for a while till you talk through it and figure out what all is contributing to the slump and what you need to do. That's what they do. I went to a counselor. Lots of people have done it. Me, I'm not really a stay talking every week kinda person. I went to sessions, figured out what I needed, and I was done. But you could go as long as it was working for you. It might be a safe way to sort things out and figure it out.

I don't remember if you're christian or not, but Focus on the Family maintains a list of counselors and practitioners that they have screened to some extent. You can filter that list to search for counselors who have experience with SN. We were able to find a counselor who had experience with my ds' specific SN, which was a real help. He didn't have to wonder what was going on, because he had enough experience to know how it affected the dynamics and all the rabbit trails. And they have lots of filters, so you could look by anything you wanted to. 

[Liz CA]

The part that worries me the most is the statement that you cannot identify having any emotions anymore. I think you put it very aptly stating you have "lost yourself."

Can you arrange for summer camp for your youngest two? Are all others except oldest with SN able to take care of themselves for the most part? Can you discuss with your husband to carve out at least one week - better yet two where you only have oldest son to take care of so you can get in to a counselor and also have some time at home to hear yourself think? If you go to a counselor there will likely be some kind of "homework." This is not something to dread but this is the work you do between appointments and it's not really "work" in that sense but steps to take to get to a better  place again. Also one or two weeks is just like a decompression chamber for the soul; emergency care. You will likely need to see someone for a bit longer.

This is not really optional or a luxury anymore. Can you work on something like this to be able to get to some counseling? Because taking care of the caretaker is essential. 

Adding to Peter Pan's excellent suggestion regarding Focus on the Family....another place is New Life Live. They also have a licensed counselor network throughout the US but there is nothing wrong with seeing someone you select or someone who comes recommended by a friend.

 

[SKL]

I enjoy being with my kids when they aren't being a$$holes.  ?

But hey - they learned it from me.  Or so they say.

[Pawz4me]

I always enjoyed my kids, but I enjoyed them much more once they became teens. I loved it when we could discuss more complicated subjects in depth, and a wider range of subjects. And when they didn't *really* need me for everything. And I could say "Bye, I'm going to X. Take the dog out after while" and I knew they would do it and I could do whatever I needed to get done w/o worrying about anything. Those were the best years. I don't do babies or little kids w/o a lot of stress.

OP, it does sound like your issues go deeper than just the typical mom burnout. I hope you can get some help.

[ktgrok]

First, talk to your family doctor. Call today to schedule an appointment and lab work, including vitamin D and thyroid. 

Second, I do like my kids, but dear lord not every freaking minute of the day. there is NO ONE I want to spend 24 hours a day with, every day. Not sure I even want to be around MYSELF that much, lol. Women were never meant to parent like that, in isolation. We just weren't. We were originally tribal, with large extended family networks so children could be cared for by multiple people. Mom could make dinner and know that aunties were supervising the kids, etc. Then we eventually had schools, etc to pick up a bit of the burden. Homeschooling moms without a tribe or extended family next-door are doing something incredibly hard. 

I really found a lot of wisdom and inspiration regarding all this in a book I read recently, I can't remember if you are Christian but if you are, even nominally, you might find some joy and hope in it. It talks about preserving who YOU are even while meeting the needs of your family. If nothing else, it's fun to read about someone else dealing with poop catasrophes and broken car doors instead of actually living it, lol. https://www.amazon.com/One-Beautiful-Dream-Rollicking-Personal-ebook/dp/B072TKGFHZ/ref=sr_1_2_twi_kin_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1525177408&sr=8-2&keywords=one+beautiful+dream+jennifer+fulwiler

[Katy]

Usually, yes.  But there are times when I'm thrilled DH is home and I can hand off the littles and, as DH calls it, "Have some adulting time."  This happens more often when DH has been working long hours, or there's a teething baby, or when I haven't had enough sleep.  It's a big sign for me I need to take some time and focus on myself. Even if that means declaring it's a pajama movie day, school's out, we're ordering pizza instead of making dinner, because mom needs a day off and an extra nap and early bedtimes.

If you really need a break, is there a summer day camp or classes you can get the 10 & 12 year olds into?  Are they responsible enough you could leave them home with a videogame and go do something by yourself for a while?

If this feeling has gone on for a while, I'd seriously consider putting them in school.

[KrissiK]

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I do not disagree with the previous posters, but I will add my two cents. My kids can be pretty intense and difficult and one thing I do to “like them” is to try to do things with them that can be enjoyable by all. For example, my oldest can be a real ding-dong, especially when he’s around his siblings. But if I can get him by himself, he’s nice and intelligent and pleasant. And i’ve Started loving to do things with just my girls .... going to the nursery, or other shoppping trips. My girls, especially my oldest daughter who is 12 are really quite fun, I am discovering. The older they get the more I enjoy them and I try to look for ways to enjoy them. A lot of the time, if we are just stuck at home then they drive me crazy and I look for ways to get away.

[katilac]

You might want to check out online counseling. You can do a mix of whatever works for you - email, chat, and live sessions. One great thing about it is that you can pour out your thoughts and feelings in the moment (email) and the counselor will read and respond. Sometimes our feelings do not wish to conveniently wait and be expressed at a scheduled time. 

One example: https://www.talkspace.com/

[chiguirre]

Hugs, Bethben.

While you sound depressed, I don't think it's because you're physically depressed, it's because your life is depressing. I say this as someone in a similar boat. If I'm recalling correctly, your oldest aged out of school this last year and you now have to have him home all the time with very little respite available. That's a hard, hard situation and I don't think your life will get appreciably better until you sort it out. I'm lucky that GW still goes to school for 6 hours a day so that we get a break. If we didn't, I'd sound like you do in about 4 to 6 weeks.

The crushing reality of caring for a disabled adult that's aged out of the school system and doesn't qualify for any day program is soul sucking for the caregiver. You have to find either respite care on a regular basis (and for more than 2 hour shifts!!!!) or you need to find a residential placement that you can live with. This day was going to come eventually and it's here now. It's time to sit down with your county or state's Adult Protective Services and work something out. If you don't do it soon, your own body may give out from all the stress and then your family will be in an even more impossible situation. So, for the good of all of your children, yourself and your dh, you will have to find your oldest a permanent placement. I wish you all the emotional and physical strength you'll need to navigate this.

[bethben]

5 minutes ago, chiguirre said:

Hugs, Bethben.

While you sound depressed, I don't think it's because you're physically depressed, it's because your life is depressing. I say this as someone in a similar boat. If I'm recalling correctly, your oldest aged out of school this last year and you now have to have him home all the time with very little respite available. That's a hard, hard situation and I don't think your life will get appreciably better until you sort it out. I'm lucky that GW still goes to school for 6 hours a day so that we get a break. If we didn't, I'd sound like you do in about 4 to 6 weeks.

The crushing reality of caring for a disabled adult that's aged out of the school system and doesn't qualify for any day program is soul sucking for the caregiver. You have to find either respite care on a regular basis (and for more than 2 hour shifts!!!!) or you need to find a residential placement that you can live with. This day was going to come eventually and it's here now. It's time to sit down with your county or state's Adult Protective Services and work something out. If you don't do it soon, your own body may give out from all the stress and then your family will be in an even more impossible situation. So, for the good of all of your children, yourself and your dh, you will have to find your oldest a permanent placement. I wish you all the emotional and physical strength you'll need to navigate this.

Couldn't do it - it would literally crush my heart.  I know that will have to happen someday because my body gives out, but honestly, it would crush me.

[elegantlion]

((hugs)) I agree with the others, that you sound overstressed. 

As to the title question, yes, I enjoy my son. In fact, he's easier to live with than his father ever was. Ex was drama, intensity, and more drama ALL.THE.TIME. It wasn't until after we divorced that I realized that 95% of our trials came from his choices, beliefs, and personality. 

It sounds like you have a lot of things going on. I know I kind of lost myself in the midst of my challenges. I needed time to figure out who I was again. Serving others was easier when I felt like I knew who I was - if that makes any sense. 

[chiguirre]

2 minutes ago, bethben said:

Couldn't do it - it would literally crush my heart.  I know that will have to happen someday because my body gives out, but honestly, it would crush me.

The only stopgap I can think of to get you through this summer at least is to schedule your dh for days where he's responsible for your oldest and you get away for a day. I used to do this when GW and Geezle were little. It was very hard on dh and it wasn't really enough time for me to feel better but we managed to limp along through the worst years. Another option is to train your 17 year old to care for his brother. I know that opens a whole other can of family dynamic worms, but a crisis is a crisis. If you can afford to make up his lost wages, it may be worthwhile for him to quit his other job and help you out more. It will not look bad for college admissions, in fact, it will make an excellent topic for his personal essay or interviews.

Keep in mind that your younger kids will grow up soon. You only have a couple of years where you'll have dependent kids besides your oldest. You need to get through another 1000 days and you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[bethben]

DS 17 doesn't want to change his older brother's diapers.  I get that.  When he turns 18, he can actually get paid to watch his brother, but I told him he would have to learn how to diaper change.  We shall see. DS is a great 17 year old for the most part and I do understand his reluctance.  He can totally take care of him otherwise.  

I did notice that when ds17 was gone at camp for two weeks, it did tone down the atmosphere of the house a bit.  I know sending everyone to school won't totally solve the issues I have going on inside of me, but it will give me a little freedom in that I'm not totally responsible for everyone's education and I will have a "team" in a way.  Sending my ds 13 to school will cause another sort of issues (he was just diagnosed with mild autism -- can we all see a bigger picture of what's happening with me?) in that I will have to make sure he's getting the supports he needs, but I won't have to be the only one pulling him through school.  

I've been taking some Saturdays and getting away for the whole day and it has helped a little, but I'm still living in the muck during the week.  DH is great and will give me the breaks I need, but I have started realizing that I need so much more and I don't even know what that is.  

[Katy]

Have you looked into adult day cares for your oldest?  Not every area has a good program, but many do, and some have part time options just for caregivers who need a break.  Those that don't coordinate part-time might do a space-sharing situation so you could take mornings and another family take afternoons of the same slot, or you take Tuesdays & Thursdays while the other family takes MWF.  There are often multiple CNA's and one RN, as well as some activity aides.  So the physical and medical needs are cared for and there is someone knowledgeable enough to know when to call you vs 911, and you can get a break without burdening your 2nd son.

If DS is in a good program he might enjoy it and eventually want to move into a nursing home where he would have a bit of independence and you would still be as involved as you want.  That's assuming there's a good one in your area. When I was in nursing school and did rotations I saw a wide variety - from those I would move myself into when the time came. Those I liked had better round the clock care than two relatives could possibly provide, tailored to the level of the patients to maximize their independence (apartments with independence for some, full-time round the clock care for others), better on-site activities and entertainment than a disabled adult would have access to on their own when caregivers are in survival mode, stable CNA assignments so that in any given shift your loved one is likely to be working only with someone who already knows his quirks and your whole family and how to best keep him happy. There were also those I wanted shut down.  If/when you decide to explore that, read local google reviews and check with your state for violations and complaints BEFORE you start to visit places.  If it's already an emotional struggle, you don't want to happen into seeing one of the worst in your state first just because it's a couple of blocks from your house.  There really are places that are better than home, but they can be difficult to find. I worked at some with multiple young adults (18-25) in residence. Some had been ill, some were born with a disability, others had never fully recovered from a brain injury.  In those cases most of their parents maintained the same routines they'd had for years, they just left the round the clock care for the CNA's.

[chiguirre]

27 minutes ago, bethben said:

I know sending everyone to school won't totally solve the issues I have going on inside of me, but it will give me a little freedom in that I'm not totally responsible for everyone's education and I will have a "team" in a way.  Sending my ds 13 to school will cause another sort of issues (he was just diagnosed with mild autism -- can we all see a bigger picture of what's happening with me?) in that I will have to make sure he's getting the supports he needs, but I won't have to be the only one pulling him through school.  

I've been taking some Saturdays and getting away for the whole day and it has helped a little, but I'm still living in the muck during the week.  DH is great and will give me the breaks I need, but I have started realizing that I need so much more and I don't even know what that is.  

I found that just a day off wasn't enough to recharge either but it did help get me through the weeks. Just keep your eye on your back to school date. Having a finite goal in mind helps get through any situation. On the bright side, both GW and Geezle love their schools (GW goes to a private ABA based program for young adults with severe ASD and Geezle is in the applied skills program at our local public high school.) The structure and the time with peers makes both of them happy. It also gives them a place to practice their social skills within a finite time frame. They have to be adults in public but then they get to come home and let their freak flags fly. I get peace and quiet for 6 hours a day, 9 months a year. I've finally refilled my inner introvert tank and can be happy to see them when they get home. Trinqueta gets her peace and quiet while her brothers are at school and can concentrate on her school work without the noise, noise, noise. We've been in a good groove for the last couple of years. Hopefully, you'll be able to get some quiet time to once school's back in session.

[Guest]

I love to be with my kids, but I need time alone, too. I do opt out of things that would otherwise be family time, like everyone but me is watching a movie, or everyone but me is playing cards, because those things happen in the late evening and I am done with people. Plus I don’t like playing cards with DH; he is too rowdy and it drives me nuts. 

You sound like you’re struggling, bethben. 

[Liz CA]

2 hours ago, bethben said:

Couldn't do it - it would literally crush my heart.  I know that will have to happen someday because my body gives out, but honestly, it would crush me.

 

Have you considered this from your son's angle? Many years ago, I worked as a practicum in a facility where people of varying disabilities (intellectual challenges) were working. Each one was evaluated and assigned work according to ability. This focused on their ability instead of dis-ability. I was a little hesitant before my first day but I met happy people who were having a sense of contributing and accomplishing something. And I want to emphasize there were all levels of challenges and even the most severely challenged group was doing something - even though it took most or all of the day for one very simple task to complete.

Perhaps think on this for a bit. You are not "getting rid" of him but you are providing a different environment with different people and stimulation for him. He will not be gone out of your life; you will be able to see him any time and you can pick him up to spend time at home. 

[Wheres Toto]

I do, most of the time.  Sometimes I find them exhausting and sometimes I can't stand to hear another 30 minute monologue about Pokemon, or FNAF, or Minecraft, or whatever this weeks obsession is.

What helps is that dh has always been great about making sure I had time off.  When the younger kids were little and oldest dd was an active teen, I would drop her off at her activities and then hang out at Panera with a book until she was done (and that could be 2-3 hours sometimes).  He would take them to his parents about one weekend a month and I'd stay home all by myself.    I've gone away a few times to a great used bookstore with dd or my mother.   

It also helps that we are all extreme introverts here.  We all like being in our own spaces doing our own thing.  The kids will be in their rooms reading, playing games or drawing while I'm in the living room on my computer or reading.   I make sure I take the time to read or do something else I enjoy and that relaxes me.  Dh helps with this by not getting upset if the house is a mess.  

I also keep school pretty simple.  We've always used resources where we could just "do the next thing", and at this point the kids can do much of their work independently.  I have found I need to check it every day or at least every other day to make sure they aren't getting off track, but they don't need me sitting with them the whole time, and pretty much haven't since they learned to read.   I mostly work one-on-one with them for math.

There's nothing wrong with putting the kids in school to give yourself a break while you figure out what you need.   School could end up being a wonderful thing for them and you, and if not once you take the time to see what you need, you can bring them home again.

[Teacher Mom]

Yes, I really enjoyed her until she hit sixteen -- then aliens starting eating her brain. At 20, she is just not as the person I thought she would be. I no longer enjoy our conversations; it is all a litany of what I did wrong as a parent, the wrongs of the world, etc. She has no plan on how to change her woes; she just really likes to complain. She wasn't like this until she left home.

[Mimm]

58 minutes ago, Teacher Mom said:

Yes, I really enjoyed her until she hit sixteen -- then aliens starting eating her brain. At 20, she is just not as the person I thought she would be. I no longer enjoy our conversations; it is all a litany of what I did wrong as a parent, the wrongs of the world, etc. She has no plan on how to change her woes; she just really likes to complain. She wasn't like this until she left home.

I'm so sorry. I can see my oldest turning out this way. She can be very hateful and vicious toward me.

I spent time in my 20s blaming my mom for a lot, and working out who I was. I eventually outgrew it and realized my mom is like most moms, just doing our best. I hope your daughter comes to the same realization.

ETA: I posted above that I enjoy being around my kids but I don't think anyone enjoys it all the time right? Everyone needs a break, and OP, you sound like you desperately need a big one. ? I can't imagine all that you're dealing with.

[bethben]

My son is in the severely disabled category.  As in, he has about 10 words or phrases he can use.  "Stay home", "Daddy home", and Mama are his main words.  Every time he went to school in the past two years, he proclaimed loudly that he wanted to "STAY HOME".  When it was time to look into day programs, he had three choices.  One was horrible - 10 to 1 client to staff ratio for a group of disabled adults most of whom needed feeding and toileting.  Another was a pretty good distance away and the third that we actually liked that was closer to home was not taking "medical" clients at the time of which my son is.  I'm not sure we can access any of these programs now anyway.  I will be talking to his social worker in a couple of weeks so we'll see what options he has.  I'm not an extrovert so it's not a big deal that I'm at home a lot.  

Yes, I've had all my vitamin levels taken and my thyroid checked with the advanced thyroid panel - I am amazingly healthy.  I think that if I could sleep on a regular basis and get someone to help me figure out "me" again, I could deal with the rest of my life.  My kids aren't awful.  

[Liz CA]

1 hour ago, bethben said:

My son is in the severely disabled category.  As in, he has about 10 words or phrases he can use.  "Stay home", "Daddy home", and Mama are his main words.  Every time he went to school in the past two years, he proclaimed loudly that he wanted to "STAY HOME".  When it was time to look into day programs, he had three choices.  One was horrible - 10 to 1 client to staff ratio for a group of disabled adults most of whom needed feeding and toileting.  Another was a pretty good distance away and the third that we actually liked that was closer to home was not taking "medical" clients at the time of which my son is.  I'm not sure we can access any of these programs now anyway.  I will be talking to his social worker in a couple of weeks so we'll see what options he has.  I'm not an extrovert so it's not a big deal that I'm at home a lot.  

Yes, I've had all my vitamin levels taken and my thyroid checked with the advanced thyroid panel - I am amazingly healthy.  I think that if I could sleep on a regular basis and get someone to help me figure out "me" again, I could deal with the rest of my life.  My kids aren't awful.  

 

 

Exactly! Please talk to social workers and whoever else to get some assistance and options for your SN son...and also contact a counselor for an initial consultation. You may be surprised how helpful it can be.