sending a kid to 8th vs 9th for brick and mortar school (personal experiences appreciated)

[EmilyGF]

We're pretty set on sending ds12 to brick and mortar high school and we're thinking about the transition between now and then.

Where we live, kids' lives are pretty darn wrapped up in their schools. Despite a multitude of tries (church, Boy Scouts, math club, youth group, young bird watchers club, game day at the library, baseball, etc) DS12 doesn't have a set of friends, or even one good friend. The school kids have 7.5 hour school days plus bus rides and loads of homework. 

The schools ds could go to are very strong and rigorous academically (as well as super competitive). We considered sending him to school this year but didn't for a host of reasons, the biggest one of which is that we think 7th grade is probably the worst possible grade a kid could start school at.

 

Is there a strong reason we should go for 8th grade vs 9th? Even if it made life harder for us? I do remember 8th grade being a really lovely year at school for me personally.

 

Have you made this decision one way or another? How did it go?

 

Thanks,

Emily

[Alessandra]

I would get a copy of the course of study for middle and high school, especially if your ds is interested in advanced or honors courses in high school, in case placement depends on a certain grade in an eighth grade course. If academics aren't a major concern, i would suggest beginning in 9th grade. Everyone is doing new extracurricular so, sports, etc., so it's a good place to start. Also, there is usually much more choice in courses, so new students can blend in better.

 

In any case, I would make an appointment to speak to a middle school counselor soon, even if you are leaning to starting in 9th grade.

[Starr]

Here it is difficult to get proper placement in Highschool classes without them having attended eighth grade first.

[MEmama]

We decided to start with 9th.

 

Our 8th grade year at home wasn't the most ah....academic...it could have been, and I tortured myself all year wondering if we'd made the right decision (it was DS's choice). It turns out, we absolutely did. Staying home for eighth meant he could sort through the last (?? I hope) of the brain fog without major consequences. He LOVES high school and has completely embraced all of it. He has a terrific set of mates from cross country and other various sports, challenging and interesting courses, and inspired teachers.

 

DH and I laugh that the biggest transition has been for the two of US. Homework takes up nearly all of DS's free time, which definitely impacts family time; so far high school expectations are nothing like they were for us at that age (ie it's much, much tougher and academic for DS). But he is so happy and is learning so much....for us, it was the right time.

 

I should add that our summer helped with the transition too, I think. He gained a ton of confidence and autonomy, volunteering daily and holding down his first job, and getting himself to both independently. It was the first extended amount of time that our lives went in various, independent directions, and I think that helped the school transition enormously. We really lucked out I think, the way it all worked out for him.

[MEmama]

I would get a copy of the course of study for middle and high school, especially if your ds is interested in advanced or honors courses in high school, in case placement depends on a certain grade in an eighth grade course. If academics aren't a major concern, i would suggest beginning in 9th grade. Everyone is doing new extracurricular so, sports, etc., so it's a good place to start. Also, there is usually much more choice in courses, so new students can blend in better.

 

In any case, I would make an appointment to speak to a middle school counselor soon, even if you are leaning to starting in 9th grade.

I agree, talk to both the middle school and high school counsellors so you are covered regardless of which decision you make. It varies by state and district, but at our high school we didn't have any problem placing him in Honors courses. Our counsellor took me at my word as she would any out of district school. DS didn't need to do any testing in at all.

[Sneezyone]

Agreeing with the others. If Honors or AP placement is a goal, starting in 8th is a better idea since tracking can begin as early as 6/7th grade in high performing schools/districts. If DC hasn't had a bunch of outsourced classes or experience with other teachers, then 8th would give a year of grace to master the routines of school. I've already been in touch with the district we're moving to next fall and they want an A/high B in 7th grade course, test scores and a teacher rec. for Honors placement.

Edited October 9, 2017 by Sneezyone

[Alessandra]

I agree, talk to both the middle school and high school counsellors so you are covered regardless of which decision you make. It varies by state and district, but at our high school we didn't have any problem placing him in Honors courses. Our counsellor took me at my word as she would any out of district school. DS didn't need to do any testing in at all.

For us, decision was different, as dd was not going for Honors courses. But I listened in during 8th grade counseling, and heard that students from a neighboring district were not allowed in some honors courses, because their middle school had not covered prerequisite material to the standard our school wanted. So, I guess the take-away is to be very familiar with requirements, especially in math and science. Ds was in bricks and mortar middle school and was very conscious of what grades he needed for honors courses.

Edited October 9, 2017 by Alessandra

[KungFuPanda]

We did it the 2nd semester of 9th grade. It was a great experience for my daughter. She did take math and english placement tests. The school accepted my first semester transcript and dd went right into 2nd semester Biology, Spanish, etc. By this age, dd was going so many different places for chem lab and whatnot that a B&M school really was cheaper and easier. Her homework load was heavier than she was used to but she adjusted quickly. She thrived, but she's the sort of student that teachers adore.

 

The only curveball for her was that drama auditions for the winter play were held the year before. You'll want to consider this if your child does performing arts or sports. Also, volunteer hours are a graduation requirement that people around here knock out in middle school. I never even considered that possibility. She spent a few weeks volunteering at a summer dance camp to rack up those hours.

 

I don't recommend starting second semester, but anytime at the beginning of 9th is fine for an adaptable student. I'd probably do 8th for a more hesitant or immature kid.

 

ETA: Dd was always placed in honors or AP classes. I think she had ONE 'regular' class the whole four years. This is a pretty demanding school district too, so for her middle school was unnecessary.

Edited October 9, 2017 by KungFuPanda

[AppleGreen]

I think a lot depends on your district and local school. I heard our school made homeschoolers and private school kids jump through some hoops before allowing them to take honors/AP classes, but that was not our experience. It may have changed in the last several years, but I was told by the counseling department that ultimately it was the parents' decision (for better or worse) on those classes, so we had no trouble when my rising 10th grader transitioned to the school down the road (We also had 8th and 9th grade ACT scores to prove my child could handle the coursework).

 

If my child would be able to follow the track I wanted, 9th grade would be a nice time to transition, IMEandO. That is what my current 8th grader is planning on doing. Middle school can be difficult, especially if you are the new kid. I have met very few kids (and this could just be our middle school) that have had a positive experience in 8th grade, most said 9th was much better. 

[Hilltopmom]

We started dd at 8th as she needs a lot of support and has an iep and I wanted them to have a year to figure out what supports she needs in 9th to be in place when high school starts. ( the process is trial and error and takes months if not all year)

 

People say not to start in middle school because of social stuff. She is older though ( we red shirted) so she’s over all the social middle school junk that goes on and can call it like it is.

 

She’s making friends and although the academics are not quite right for her, we are very happy she started this year instead of waiting till 9th. She already knew a few people there and has met other girls new there this year too.

 

ETA- we don’t have a middle school here. Our jr high is grades 7/8 and in the high school building.

Edited October 9, 2017 by Hilltopmom

[Acadie]

Dd15 started school in 8th grade, at the small Catholic school associated with our church, then applied to private high schools from there. It worked out fabulously--she knew a few kids in her 8th grade class from sports and youth group, and the transition to a small school and class went well. She definitely benefitted from the year to adjust to the expectations and demands of B&M school, and really enjoyed class discussions and getting to know all the kids in her class. She was a minor celebrity, actually, joining a class where the majority of the kids had been together since K or first grade. They were happy to meet someone new. I also loved having support for high school tracking in math and Spanish, and applications (the last would not be an issue for public school).

 

High school has gone very well for her academically, and I think the year of preparation in 8th grade definitely helped. It went so well I'm thinking about starting dd11 in 7th grade. She can adapt to school the first year, and apply to high school the second. Doing both in one year was very intense for dd15, even though it was a great year overall.

 

Something just happens with my kids around age 11-12--they become more peer oriented and also start producing better work for other adults. We're still close, have great conversations, and fun as a family. It's just as a daily routine, they seem to do better when other adults are asking them to do things :P

 

Amy

[Lanny]

Your son might benefit from making the transition to a Brick & Mortar school, starting in the 8th grade, to get the "feel" for it.  There is a big increase in the workload, going from Middle School to High School, and not going into a Brick & Mortar school, the first time, starting in 9th grade, when everything counts, might be a plus. And, he might make friends in Middle School who then go to the same High School he goes to.  

[Miss Tick]

My local, academically rigorous, high school apparently teaches health in 8th grade and it "counts" for high school. I suspect that means it is a graduation requirement that they don't want to spend time on in high school - you don't want to discover this as graduation approaches.

[Alessandra]

Posting again here. In our district, prerequisites/required grades may be waived for students who may not qualify, but are truly motivated. It seems that motivated students do as well as 'qualified' ones. This applies to humanities courses though, not really to science and not at all to math. We don't have many homeschoolers in our area, but my guess is that school would be much more flexible with humanities than math. Ymmv, but I thought you'd like the comparison.

[Seasider]

If I had a do-over, the ones that went out, I'd have sent at 8th, to give them an adjustment year before grades start going on that high school transcript.

[Elizabeth86]

My friend sent her oldest for 8th grade and her youngest for 6th grade and they both did well. Her older enjoys school more, the younger is bored academically. Thats a personality thing though. Both have adjusted very well.

[Tanaqui]

In NYC, if you want your kid to be put in a more advanced level, you have them take the Regents (mandatory statewide exit exams) for certain subjects (like algebra, earth science, or American history) in June or August at the end of 8th grade. So then they just get placed in the appropriate classes. If your kid has a Regents or two done entering 9th grade, they're not going to lowball the other classes that they didn't test into.

 

So there is no way I'd send my kid to middle school for 8th grade, given that we're homeschooling specifically to avoid middle school, unless homeschooling was an absolute disaster for us. (We came close this year - she's just not happy with it - but we couldn't get her into a decent school, only our awful zoned one. So no go.)

 

Just start 'em in 9th, I say, unless those grades are REALLY REALLY IMPORTANT.

[EmilyGF]

If I had a do-over, the ones that went out, I'd have sent at 8th, to give them an adjustment year before grades start going on that high school transcript.

This, and the lack of a peer group, are my main two concerns.

 

For various personal/family reasons, I expect DS12 to go to a reasonably selective 4-year university and I don't want to screw that up with one semester of "adjustment" grades. But, also, he's just lonely. 

Emily

[Pen]

Ds transitioned in 8th.  It allowed him to make adjustments socially and get used to dealing with school demands, to some degree before the year when it really starts to "count".

 

If I had a do-over I think starting in 7th (even part way through 7th) might have been better mainly because the 7th graders got a study skills class that he missed out on.  And he was interested in being a class officer in 8th, but you had to have been there the prior year for that to be possible.  Also he was so into social life last year that he could not focus on much of anything else.  And we did not yet know how much we could manage (me too) in terms of extracurriculars on top of school and had to learn the hard way.

 

So now he is in 9th and I am glad that it is not his transitioning time.

 

That said, there were some kids starting this year, and I expect they are doing fine transitioning at 9th.

 

 

[Guest]

This is somehing I am on the fence about with DS12, currently 7th grade. My first child went to high school beginning 9th and then I did the same thing with my second child, but I very often regretted that with him. He struggled so much adapting to school in every way and it's hard to have that learning curve happen in 9th. He had a hard time understanding the social code and making freinds and adapting to expectations from several teachers. He is also inattentive and it was hard for him to get his act together, remember books, assignments, lunch, sports gear and so on.

 

SO...all that to say I think my youngest DS is more similar to my older DS than to my firstborn, who adapted fine. So I am strongly considering sending him for 8th grade so he has a year to get with the program, because I wish I had done that with older DS; it might have been a better transition had I done it that way.

Edited October 10, 2017 by Quill

[2squared]

Depends on your school district too. Our 7th/8th grades (jr high) are in our high school.  The local elementary school is in the same building as well. In 7th grade the local kids are joined by kids from a nearby town. Then in 9th grade the parochial students join.

 

My oldest homeschooled through 5th, went to the parochial school for 6th, and went public in 7th. She definitely needed the extra prep years before high school.

 

My second oldest homeschooled through 3rd, went to the parochial school for 4th-6th, and went public in 7th. As a gifted, organized student, he did not need the extra prep years. We do not have honors placement or any advanced academic options, but we were able to have him skip 8th grade math this year.  His consistent performance on the standardized testing is starting to open academic doors that other kids do not have access to. 

[sassenach]

We've put all 3 of my homeschoolers in for 8th grade and I'm happy with that decision. It's a low risk adjustment year that gives them a chance to sort through friends before high school.

[Sneezyone]

Ds transitioned in 8th.  It allowed him to make adjustments socially and get used to dealing with school demands, to some degree before the year when it really starts to "count".

 

If I had a do-over I think starting in 7th (even part way through 7th) might have been better mainly because the 7th graders got a study skills class that he missed out on.  And he was interested in being a class officer in 8th, but you had to have been there the prior year for that to be possible.  Also he was so into social life last year that he could not focus on much of anything else.  And we did not yet know how much we could manage (me too) in terms of extracurriculars on top of school and had to learn the hard way.

 

So now he is in 9th and I am glad that it is not his transitioning time.

 

That said, there were some kids starting this year, and I expect they are doing fine transitioning at 9th.

 

I originally wanted DD to go back in 7th or 8th but we were butting heads so much that I sent her in 6th. It turns out that was the best thing for her. DD got her 'adjustments' over with last year and has better grades this year (which is important because we're moving and the new district would have balked at unvalidated placement recommendations). DD was also able to take her school's version of a study skills class this year and it has helped her tremendously to take good notes, use a planner effectively, and stay organized. It's been the difference between a 3.2 and a 3.6 GPA. The former is not bad but the latter is much better.

 

I'd also beware of taking district placement tests for math too. The materials you use at home may not align well with the assessment the school gives in terms of terminology, scope or sequence. DD was burned by that last year. This is especially true with common core assessments.

[meganrussell]

I started my 12 year old son in 7th grade this year and it has been fabulous for him. He is playing football and starting wrestling, has tons of friends, has straight A's and is well liked but teachers and coaches. It has worked well for him.

 

My 14 year old daughter also started in 9th grade this year at the same school. She has one really good friend that is a girl, a few good friends that are guys, and that's it. She also has straight A's and is playing basketball, but she told me last night that she feels left out quite a bit. Many of the girls are mean to her and she only has one class with her best friend and not lunch. She likes going to school, but it hasn't been a great experience for her so far.

 

So I think it depends on your kid, the school, and a host of other factors. For my son, starting football practice before school started helped him to meet some guys and feel more like he belonged there. Football has given him a core group of friends that he really likes. They all goof off together and get along really well. Being part of a team has been good for him.

 

My daughter is playing basketball for the first time, but the girls shun her, ignore her, and laugh ay her when she makes a mistake. She is determined to play and not quit, which I admire.

[Hilltopmom]

I started my 12 year old son in 7th grade this year and it has been fabulous for him. He is playing football and starting wrestling, has tons of friends, has straight A's and is well liked but teachers and coaches. It has worked well for him.

 

My 14 year old daughter also started in 9th grade this year at the same school. She has one really good friend that is a girl, a few good friends that are guys, and that's it. She also has straight A's and is playing basketball, but she told me last night that she feels left out quite a bit. Many of the girls are mean to her and she only has one class with her best friend and not lunch. She likes going to school, but it hasn't been a great experience for her so far.

 

So I think it depends on your kid, the school, and a host of other factors. For my son, starting football practice before school started helped him to meet some guys and feel more like he belonged there. Football has given him a core group of friends that he really likes. They all goof off together and get along really well. Being part of a team has been good for him.

 

My daughter is playing basketball for the first time, but the girls shun her, ignore her, and laugh ay her when she makes a mistake. She is determined to play and not quit, which I admire.

I’m sorry your did is having a tough time with the girls. You might give the guidance counselor a call and chat with them what’s going on. I’ve found they’re pretty helpful with that sort of stuff.

 

There’s been some mean girl stuff going on for my dd too but she’s also has a good group of friends. One of the mean girls from the first few weeks apologized the other day and has been nice since, that’s interesting, huh. It’s hard being new.

Dd is good about calling out social bs when she sees it and I think the other kids aren’t quite sure what to make of her. ( plus she’s older for her grade which helps her to not be quite so caught up in it)

She had a new friend( who is also new to the school) over this weekend. And is going to a birthday party next weekend ( turns out they have a lot of friends of friends of ours). So, socially it’s going ok. Now if they could only get her IEP services sorted out correctly.

Edited October 10, 2017 by Hilltopmom

[PeterPan]

Total aside, but the way dd finally got her friends was in summer camps. We sent her away to university summer camps, and she made all kinds of friends that she keeps up with. And now that she's at that university (and some of those kids are too), it's even better.

 

I would just find out the academics and whether, for his situation and abilities and readiness, he needs to be there for 8th to be able to take the classes he'll want for 9th. I changed schools in 9th (actually twice, but who's counting) and my mother didn't catch that I was being told to REPEAT earth science from 8th again in 9th. And now math is pretty aggressive too, with kids taking algebra 1 in 8th or even 7th as the norm. So just see how it rolls in your area.

 

It sounds like the schools are fine in your area and you're satisfied with them. If you're not, that out of state camps based on common interests thing was how we finally resolved the friend thing. With Skype, you can have friends anywhere, mercy.

[Lawana]

We sent ds 1/4 into 8th grade. Looking back, 7th would have been better.

 

Our local middle school offers a number of courses in 8th grade that count for high school credit--physical science, math, English and health. Ds was able to get two, but not all 4. It made a difference in the end, because all the students who were ahead of him at graduation had had all 4 in 8th. So not having all those courses cost him the opportunity to graduate at the very top of his class (he ended up 7/240 with a 4.0 unweighted/4.4 weighted gpa). If ds were not so academically motivated, it probably would not have mattered that much.

 

Socially, it would also have been better for him to start earlier, but that was very likely individual to ds, as he was in the process of morphing from a shyer homebody to a highly social guy.

 

Edited for typo

Edited October 10, 2017 by Lawana

[MysteryJen]

I think this completely depends on your school district and how mobile the students are between high schools. In our district, each high school has different "magnet" programs and emphases, so the kids move around and the middle school groups get very shuffled. This makes it much easier to start high school in 9th because lots of kids are new to each other.

This is not the case for middle schools; it is a pretty straight line from elementary to middle schools. 

 

My dd2 who started in 9th told ds3 to start in 9th as well. She has friends who moved into the district in 8th and really struggled socially, and found high school much more congenial to making friends.

 

Mean girls, unfortunately, are everywhere. Middle school, high school, grown-up women...

[Pink and Green Mom]

I think this completely depends on your school district and how mobile the students are between high schools. In our district, each high school has different "magnet" programs and emphases, so the kids move around and the middle school groups get very shuffled. This makes it much easier to start high school in 9th because lots of kids are new to each other.

 

 

 

 

I was going to say something similar.  If the entire 8th grade class is going to make up the entire 9th grade class, I'd probably opt to send them in 8th to transition and get a good friend group going.

[EmilyGF]

Thanks for the perspectives. Our school system is really quite strange, and a private school is also a possibility, making everything very confusing. I'm not worried about placement, just about adjustment to outside schedules and due dates as well as to work load management. He's a pretty confident kid in some ways, who doesn't really follow the crowd, so I'm not worried about peer pressure. 

 

Emily

[Carol in Cal.]

I went with ninth, and it was definitely the right decision.

 

For one thing, around here high school starts with ninth grade, and high schools are fed from several middle schools, so everyone was dealing with new people together.

For another, there were specific things I wanted to finish with DD--Algebra 1 in particular.  That is so foundational and I wanted to make sure that she really got it. 

For another, it gave us the option of doing two years of 8th grade if we felt like it.  It would have been easy. DD was small and young for 8th grade, and if she had spent two years at that level we would have just moved forward with math, foreign language, and science and she would have been well prepared for high school.  She decided toward the middle of 8th grade that she really wanted to move on, and she was well prepared to do that, too.  So it would have worked out fine either way.  (Lots of people hold their kids back at kindergarten out here, and she would have been right in line with that group age wise.)

[Cinder]

This, and the lack of a peer group, are my main two concerns.

 

... But, also, he's just lonely.

 

This is part of why we sent ds2 to (private) school in 8th--we just couldn't find friends. Ds1 went in 9th but he was a bit of a loner back then and wasn't interested in what his peers were doing. Not ds2--he needed more time with other people his own age. We tried scouting, homeschool groups, sports; there wasn't even a group of friends to be found at church. He was happier at school.

 

The main difference for my sons--besides their personalities--was that their school gives credit for algebra 1 taken in 8th grade. So we had tons of paperwork to submit to get the credit for our homeschool course. Ds1 also had to take a math placement test; ds2 didn't.

[katilac]

No personal experience, but I vote for 8th. 

 

Going to school is a big adjustment. Moving up to high school is a big adjustment. I would not want to combine those things. Plus, let him make any potential mistakes before it goes on the dreaded Permanent Record. 

[cera2]

I would lean toward starting in 8th grade.  A lot of schools have requirements that have to be taken in 8th grade to be able to sign up for 9th grade courses.  Many also have transition programs that start shortly after Christmas of the 8th grade year.  Meetings with guidance counselors to become familiar with requirements and available options at the high school, reviews of post-graduation plans to help the kids map out their classes, tours of the high school, etc.  Also, if he might want to get involved with clubs or sports many have tryouts at the end of 8th grade for the fall seasons.

 

Also, if he hasn't been in school before there can be a bit of a learning curve.  It might be better to figure things out in 8th grade (where he will have more flexibility to make mistakes)  than in 9th (where everything counts and will end up on his permanent record).

[katilac]

 A lot of schools have requirements that have to be taken in 8th grade to be able to sign up for 9th grade courses.   

 

Ah, painful memories. I went to high school out of my zone, and most of the other kids had attended a junior high that started several high school classes in eighth grade. Accustomed to being in the "top" classes, I was not impressed to find myself surrounded by students a year younger than me. 

 

I never said I wasn't petty.