Young Adults living at home, cost/money/rent

[DawnM]

I am not there yet, and I am learning not to ever say never.

 

Things I have since had to eat my words on:

 

1. My kids will never attend our local public school.  

2. My kids will never go to a private college on our dime.

3. My kids will never have a game system or computer in their rooms.

 

And endless other things......yup, sad but true.

 

BUT,

 

I would like to hear from some of you who have grown kids at home.

 

I am not talking about kids who are having financial issues and can't currently work, can't get a job, etc....I am specifically asking about those kids who are into their jobs/careers and are earning a full time wage.

Edited September 4, 2017 by DawnM

[EMS83]

:bigear:

[Night Elf]

I voted because ds21 works 28 - 35 hours a week. We do not ask for rent. We pay his phone. He pays for half of his medical visits and prescriptions. He pays for his clothes and gloves for work when they need to be replaced. He pays for most of his meals out. The only time we pay for his meal is when all 3 of us go out and eat together, then we just put it on one check. 

 

I've talked to him about contributing towards the household and he didn't seem to be bothered by it. We didn't talk about how much so we obviously haven't started. If we do, it will be a small amount towards food. We don't believe in making our children pay to live in their home. We teach them about managing money. When my oldest dd moved out, she had no trouble transitioning from not paying much to paying for her share in all things in her new rented home. I'm sure my other two will be the same way.

[gardenmom5]

as for how much they pay (and for what), depends if they are a college student or not.

I currently have two full-time college students living at home (both work part-time) - they pay their insurance, car payments, and phone bills. (and entertainment)  we do not charge them room or board.   I might occasionally buy them a tank of gas, but there is no pattern to that.

 

when I had a college graduate working full time living at home - she paid a token rent, as well as all personal expenses.  

[DawnM]

as for how much they pay (and for what), depends if they are a college student or not.

I currently have two full-time college students living at home (both work part-time) - they pay their insurance, car payments, and phone bills. (and entertainment)  we do not charge them room or board.   I might occasionally buy them a tank of gas, but there is no pattern to that.

 

when I had a college graduate working full time living at home - she paid a token rent, as well as all personal expenses.  

 

 

I can see that.  My oldest is a college student and working part time, although it is a paid internship and he makes very little.  

 

I don't require anything from him and even pay his eating out and movies with friends and phone right now.  

 

Middle is still in high school but works at our local grocery store.  He buys his own video games, but we pay everything else, including gas and car.  The car is still ours, but it is an extra car he can use for getting to/from school and work.

[liber]

My 20 year old pays 200 mth for food and pays for all personal items.  My 23 pays 300/mth because he has his kids here every other week. He also pays for all his personal items.  Since we are not in the position to hand them a down payment for a house, they live with us and will bank for their money

[DawnM]

As we are looking at oldest going to a far more expensive school than we had originally planned for him to go to, we are going to have him get out the student max for loans.  We are *hoping* that he can pay them off once he graduates and starts working.

 

 

[gardenmom5]

I can see that.  My oldest is a college student and working part time, although it is a paid internship and he makes very little.  

 

I don't require anything from him and even pay his eating out and movies with friends and phone right now.  

 

Middle is still in high school but works at our local grocery store.  He buys his own video games, but we pay everything else, including gas and car.  The car is still ours, but it is an extra car he can use for getting to/from school and work.

 

how much, and what, they are paying does depend upon the expense and ability to pay.  1ds is thinking of taking this upcoming quarter off work (he has money in the bank, and his grants/aid should cover all school expenses) - and not working one shift (which he has done during school the last two years.).  his employer will hold his job and he can work full-time between quarters.  he will be taking the bus to school  (the uni requires all students to buy a bus pass- for a very good price.  it's also very convenient from where we live) - so his gas use will go way down.

2ds is in walking distance to both his college and his job - but he drives anyway.  we keep encouraging him to walk for the exercise.

 

2dd was really ticked at the uni's requirement for all students to buy a bus pass (no exceptions). . . her employer *gave* her one as part of her compensation pkg, but she still had to buy one from the university during her grad program.  so, she had two.   it's not like people will drive to uni if they don't' have to . . they charge $15 for parking.  on day's she worked, she'd park at the hospital where she worked - and take the bus to the uni. (she got off work after the buses stopped running.)

[Laurel-in-CA]

Our deal has always been that they are welcome to live at home without rent while in school but once they're out they pay us. I have one paying me rent now, plus paying me for his car insurance. He thinks I'm over-charging but I don't. 8-)  He pays for his own stuff and stops once/week or so at the produce stand for his own meals but I do buy groceries.

 

I have one almost-21 year old living at home and in school full-time (barely) and she's just paying her car insurance and her own snacks, clothes, etc. I charged her rent this summer, but it was a token amount.

 

I have a 25yo and she knows she is welcome to move home -- we'll make room somehow -- but she feels she's closer to career opportunities where she is, a 9-hour drive away. 8-(

[DawnM]

how much, and what, they are paying does depend upon the expense and ability to pay.  1ds is thinking of taking this upcoming quarter off work (he has money in the bank, and his grants/aid should cover all school expenses) - and not working one shift (which he has done during school the last two years.).  his employer will hold his job and he can work full-time between quarters.  he will be taking the bus to school  (the uni requires all students to buy a bus pass- for a very good price.  it's also very convenient from where we live) - so his gas use will go way down.

2ds is in walking distance to both his college and his job - but he drives anyway.  we keep encouraging him to walk for the exercise.

 

2dd was really ticked at the uni's requirement for all students to buy a bus pass (no exceptions). . . her employer *gave* her one as part of her compensation pkg, but she still had to buy one from the university during her grad program.  so, she had two.   it's not like people will drive to uni if they don't' have to . . they charge $15 for parking.  on day's she worked, she'd park at the hospital where she worked - and take the bus to the uni. (she got off work after the buses stopped running.)

 

 

That stinks!  

 

My son's college requires him to purchase a parking pass even though he doesn't drive!  I would prefer a bus pass.

 

But I imagine the bus pass is more $$.  His parking pass is $75 each semester but it is tacked on to some "security fee" for the semester, which is around $175 or so.  

 

This is just the local Community College.  

Edited September 4, 2017 by DawnM

[elegantlion]

Ds lives at home, full time college student. He does not pay rent, but we split utilities and he pays his own phone. He does not drive yet, but will probably pay some on insurance. We have two cars that are paid off.

[Jenny in Florida]

I don't have one in that situation right now. My son is 19 and living at home but is still in college (knocking on wood that continues) and working only part time. He does not pay us rent, we cover all educational expenses and provide a small weekly allowance for incidentals like lunches on campus and an annual budget for clothing. We buy basic groceries and some personal care items if he makes it convenient for me to pick them up when I'm already out and about. We also pay for his cell phone and about half of this car insurance.

 

Using a combination of the amounts we give him and what he earns (with contributions from his girlfriend, when they go places or do things together), he pays for gas and tolls for the car, the other half of the insurance, entertainment, any meals/snacks/groceries over and above what we provide at home, ditto with personal care items and any other extras.

 

In general, our understanding is that young adults who are in school full time get all their basic needs covered. Several months ago, we did discuss the possibility of having his girlfriend move in here, because they were talking about trying to get an apartment, and we were not excited about them taking on that much financial responsibility (mostly because I assumed that, when money got tight, my son would choose to leave school and work full time). We all agreed that, if that happened, that would change the equation here somewhat. At that point, he would transition from being a dependent we were supporting to an adult tenant (who just happened to be getting a good deal on the rent). The deal was that the two of them would pay us a token amount of rent, equal to about half of the least expensive rent they could find on an apartment that they thought would suit their needs, and would take over paying for their own groceries and personal care stuff entirely.

 

As it has turned out, he has not been working as much as he had hoped this summer, and driving has been more expensive than he anticipated. So, they have decided to put off moving in here indefinitely while both of them try to build up some savings.

 

My daughter, who has since moved out on her own, lived with us for about three years after she graduated from college. She is a naturally frugal person and so cost us very little even when we were, in theory, supporting her 100%. In the last two years or so that she was here, though, she was working full time or nearly so. Because she was working towards stashing money in savings for a long-term goal, we continued to pay all of her basic expenses for housing, food, cell phone, transportation to and from work, etc. Without prompting, she gradually took on covering her personal expenses for clothing and entertainment and other extras.

 

She had the special circumstance of having graduated from college while she was still in her teens. We didn't want to "punish" her for achieving by withdrawing financial support we would otherwise have provided until she was 21 or 22 and so made it very clear to her that she was welcome to stay with us without paying rent or anything similar at least until that age.

 

We've tried to apply some kind of consistent policy to our two kids, who are very different people taking very different paths through young adulthood. But the outlines are that, in our house, young adults who are full-time students and/or have finished college and are under the age of 21 can expect to have basic living and educational expenses covered. A person who has moved past that stage -- by leaving school, aging out or choosing to take on additional responsibilities -- opens the door to renegotiating the deal.

Edited September 4, 2017 by Jenny in Florida

[Caroline]

My oldest graduated college, has a full time engineering job and lives at home. He pays everything for his car. He is still on our phone plan. He eats dinner with us a few nights a week. He is welcome to stay here as long as he likes. He has a small amount of student loan to pay off, but will probably get that done within a year. He does help with driving his siblings to practices, etc. He helps with yard work and housework. Honestly, we just want him to be able to pay off the loans and save some money.

 

After years of reading posts by Nan in Mass about family working together, I really feel like that is what we are doing. And that's what my own family did (does) too. I will never be able to explain it as well as Nan does, but our family is like a co-op. We all do what we do best, help each other when we need it, and support each other.

[Murphy101]

My oldest lives at home and is expected to save half his income and use the other half to pay for any of his needs and one household bill that averages $400 a month, which is less than the cost of any on his own living arrangement. He has no car payment and we cover car insurance. So his personal needs are gas, clothing, entertainment, his charitable contributions to society, and any food he doesn't have me buy. All he has to do is ask and I'll add it to the grocery list, but 90% of the time he just buys it himself. My goal with an adult living at home is it should be mostly win-win for them and us. I don't want them living here *just* because it's cheap and I don't want them thinking *only* about themselves and what they want. We do tease him to leave his cave more often bc he tends towards being a homebody, but truely he works hard whether it's paid work or just helping others, so this seems to be goal met for now.

 

There for a long time it was more casual and if someone else checked the mail, they just paid whatever bill was in it for us if they could afford to do so. But that grew frustrating for me bc I constantly had to double check whether a bill was already paid so I didn't pay it twice, which was not a pleasant discovery after the fact. Also, they'd do that thing where you can deposit a check via picture on their phone? Which hey thanks, but then they'd leave the check on the desk and I'd take it to the bank to deposit and get hit with a fee because it had already been deposited. So anyways. That was nice, but not really working for us. Lol

 

I have two kids who live in an apartment off their college campus in another town. Their cellphones and car insurance are covered by us, they have a small car pmt that they have to manage on their own in addition to the expenses of college and rent. About 2x a year we cover their rent for them with no requirement to pay us back. There's two times in the school year where it is really hard to work enough hours to cover rent, bc they can't get enough shifts or because it's finals crunch time or some other type of scenario. In one case, he would have missed a great opportunity through the college if he'd had to work for rent instead. We had a family meeting about how we could make that happen and we all chipped in to send him the funds so he could go. Both of these young men work their butts off both at college and at work and are nothing but appreciative and happy to pay it forward whenever they can, so again, relationship goals met as far as we can tell.

 

I wouldn't say never, but for now, I'm very happy with how finances are handled in our relationships and how my boys seem to handle it personally too. I can envision several scenarios where we might change things. Namely our finances are getting worse every year and we might simply not be able to help whether we want to or not. Relatedly, if we have to move out of state, that could obviously affect them all. If an adult child was not being responsible in lifestyle or finance or becomeing toxic in relationships, that would also be a consideration in how we would handle things with that person.

[Guest]

I am not there yet, and I am learning not to ever say never. 

 

snip

This a hundred times.  

 

And a lot of it is because "these things happen to other people, not me."

 

Eye roll on me.  

[Sandwalker]

My 24-year old son and his wife live with us; they both work. We don't charge rent because they are very frugal and are saving up for a house. They use public transportation, do not drink at all or go to restaurants often; DIL loves thrift stores, etc.

 

We have a phone plan that is just $100/month for 5 phones, so we just pay that (dd lives in an apartment with one of the phones.) DS and DIL help out so much, and we are so happy to have them here. All our yardwork, housework, and most of the cooking is done by the two of them. We share in the groceries; we shop frugally and are vegetarian, so food is cheap. We pay utilities, and they pay for the wifi (no cable,we cut the cord).

 

Dh is disabled, so the help is very welcome; we love them, and we are happy to have them stay as long as they want.

[Prairie~Phlox]

as for how much they pay (and for what), depends if they are a college student or not.

I currently have two full-time college students living at home (both work part-time) - they pay their insurance, car payments, and phone bills. (and entertainment) we do not charge them room or board. I might occasionally buy them a tank of gas, but there is no pattern to that.

 

when I had a college graduate working full time living at home - she paid a token rent, as well as all personal expenses.

About the same here,

Dd is 19 (20 in Feb) going to school at cc full time & working part time. Pays for car insurance & part of her phone, also any other personal expenses.

[DawnM]

When you guys say your child pays his own car insurance, you mean his/her portion on your plan?

 

I think my middle son's personal portion is around $150-$200, and we pay it.   I personally thought he should pay half but DH disagreed, and thinks that until he is out of school, we should pay, so we do.  He will run errands for us when we ask.

 

 

[Caroline]

When you guys say your child pays his own car insurance, you mean his/her portion on your plan?

 

I think my middle son's personal portion is around $150-$200, and we pay it. I personally thought he should pay half but DH disagreed, and thinks that until he is out of school, we should pay, so we do. He will run errands for us when we ask.

My son is on our plan. He pays for the insurance on his car. It's cheaper than him having his own plan. Also, it covers him under our umbrella policy. However, when he was in school full time, he didn't pay for car insurance. He also didn't own his own car. He drove our 15 year old Explorer when he needed a car. But he lived on an urban campus and rarely needed a car--only for weekend trips.

 

I realize that all of this is possible for us because we can afford it. Not everyone is able to do that. And not everyone chooses to do what we do. I don't judge anyone. This is just what is working for our family right now. Maybe things will change.

[DawnM]

My son is on our plan. He pays for the insurance on his car. It's cheaper than him having his own plan. Also, it covers him under our umbrella policy. However, when he was in school full time, he didn't pay for car insurance. He also didn't own his own car. He drove our 15 year old Explorer when he needed a car. But he lived on an urban campus and rarely needed a car--only for weekend trips.

 

I realize that all of this is possible for us because we can afford it. Not everyone is able to do that. And not everyone chooses to do what we do. I don't judge anyone. This is just what is working for our family right now. Maybe things will change.

 

 

Yeah, I guess I am thinking more about if you can afford it, do you still charge thing. I fully get it if you need the person contributing and can't stretch your budget anymore.  

 

We are having to renegotiate college with one going to private......he will have to agree to contribute paying his loans off for the portion we deem appropriate after we sit down with any scholarship offers, etc....and see what we can agree to.   We will have 2 in college at the same time next year and possibly for a full 4 years.

[Murphy101]

Yeah, I guess I am thinking more about if you can afford it, do you still charge thing. I fully get it if you need the person contributing and can't stretch your budget anymore.

 

We are having to renegotiate college with one going to private......he will have to agree to contribute paying his loans off for the portion we deem appropriate after we sit down with any scholarship offers, etc....and see what we can agree to. We will have 2 in college at the same time next year and possibly for a full 4 years.

If I could afford it, I'd happily pay for them to all have a vehicle and apt while at college. I'd happily pay for college presuming they were sincerely working towards a degree.

 

My general family policy is contributing to anyone's good is a benefit to us all.

[DawnM]

If I could afford it, I'd happily pay for them to all have a vehicle and apt while at college. I'd happily pay for college presuming they were sincerely working towards a degree.

 

My general family policy is contributing to anyone's good is a benefit to us all.

 

Well, I am not sure we can afford for an apartment or anything, but we can provide a room in our house eating our food.

 

And we only have one driving, so, so far, we are ok.  

 

But we don't have endless supplies of $$.  And oldest isn't ready to live away from home yet anyway......we may even find that once he is finished with college, the best thing for him would be to get his own place and learn to live alone, but he is not there yet (Asperger's).

[Caroline]

Well, I am not sure we can afford for an apartment or anything, but we can provide a room in our house eating our food.

 

And we only have one driving, so, so far, we are ok.

 

But we don't have endless supplies of $$. And oldest isn't ready to live away from home yet anyway......we may even find that once he is finished with college, the best thing for him would be to get his own place and learn to live alone, but he is not there yet (Asperger's).

Knowing your own children, what they need, and what you can afford and what they will be able to afford is so important. You will do what's right for your family.

 

My second one doesn't leave for college for two more years. He also has a full tuition scholarship to the school he wants to attend, so we are in a very different position than lots of people.

[DawnM]

Knowing your own children, what they need, and what you can afford and what they will be able to afford is so important. You will do what's right for your family.

 

My second one doesn't leave for college for two more years. He also has a full tuition scholarship to the school he wants to attend, so we are in a very different position than lots of people.

 

 

NICE!  I would like some full rides.....but they aren't happening, at least nothing yet!  We do hope oldest gets some scholarship $$ but we don't know yet.

 

Yeah, like I said, we aren't there yet.....and our kids have been very good with money so far, but I am curious what others do.

[kiwik]

People I know who live at home as adults pay their share of bills and food but not rent. That seems fair as the mortgage/rent is the same whether they are there or not (unless the adult child was preventing downsizing). I paid for my own personal stuff and clothes from 13 so I don't expect as much help as some of your kids. However my mother did give me a car she couldn't use when she moved and keep the insurance until I finished university and in my last year of university gave me $100 a month which was so much help.

[Murphy101]

Well, I am not sure we can afford for an apartment or anything, but we can provide a room in our house eating our food.

 

And we only have one driving, so, so far, we are ok.

 

But we don't have endless supplies of $$. And oldest isn't ready to live away from home yet anyway......we may even find that once he is finished with college, the best thing for him would be to get his own place and learn to live alone, but he is not there yet (Asperger's).

 

Oh I can't afford to do that either. I was just saying that IF I could, I would. If we can't, then we can't.

 

My oldest is on the spectrum and not ready either. He is doing well enough at home, but we are all glad he is home. Rough at times, but mostly good these days. Finally. There were some years when he was younger I sure never thought I'd be typing that. Whew.

 

ETA: The only reason I mentioned apt rent at college is because, at least in MY boys' case, the rent on their apt is nearly $300 cheaper per month than the cheapest campus dorms. I know many people think dorm living is the inky way to get the full "college experience", but that's an expensive luxury we can't afford and I question the truth of that. Especially since so many campuses are switching to "suite apartment" styled dorms anyways.

Edited September 4, 2017 by Murphy101

[DawnM]

Oh I can't afford to do that either. I was just saying that IF I could, I would. If we can't, then we can't.

 

My oldest is on the spectrum and not ready either. He is doing well enough at home, but we are all glad he is home. Rough at times, but mostly good these days. Finally. There were some years when he was younger I sure never thought I'd be typing that. Whew.

 

ETA: The only reason I mentioned apt rent at college is because, at least in MY boys' case, the rent on their apt is nearly $300 cheaper per month than the cheapest campus dorms. I know many people think dorm living is the inky way to get the full "college experience", but that's an expensive luxury we can't afford and I question the truth of that. Especially since so many campuses are switching to "suite apartment" styled dorms anyways.

 

 

Yes to the apartment being cheaper sometimes.  My friend was just telling me that recently.

 

And haha on the "college experience."  My friend says, "I am not paying for 4 years of summer camp experience!"

 

And oftentimes those touting college experience are the same ones who complain later that their child is struggling with a bad roommate situation.

[Punks in Ontario]

My grown guy pays what I would call board.  It's about cost for his food, his share of utilities, and laundry.  Cleaning, cooking etc is basically free but he is expected to help out when he is home.  He pays for his own vehicle, clothing, entertainment, phone etc.

 

This is still much cheaper than living on his own, but ensures that my dh doesn't have to work to pay for his expenses.  Because this son seems comfortable staying home, we are slowly raising it so that other options may become more attractive in a few years.

 

My other ds did the same thing until he got married.

 

ETA:  When my guys were in school full time/part time board was adjusted accordingly so everything was affordable.  Full time school equals no payments.  

Edited September 4, 2017 by Punks in Ontario

[kroe1]

I picked the first option, but, really DS was the nanny for his little sister when we paid for his home, expenses, college, etc. But, as long as kiddos are in college, and we have the means, the agreement is we pay all expenses. Once they do not go to school or marry, we cut them loose.

[QueenCat]

Ds pays his car insurance, we pay for any repairs/maintenance. We pay for his phone (it's only about $13/month w/taxes/fees as a part of our plan). He pays to go out socially with others but if it's something special that he can't afford, we'll help. If he's out socially with us, we pay. We do not charge room & board for our children to live in their home. Oldest is on his own and pays for everything but his phone, as it's cheap, like his younger sibling's, so why bother taking it off the plan.

[Jenny in Florida]

When you guys say your child pays his own car insurance, you mean his/her portion on your plan?

 

I think my middle son's personal portion is around $150-$200, and we pay it.   I personally thought he should pay half but DH disagreed, and thinks that until he is out of school, we should pay, so we do.  He will run errands for us when we ask.

 

Our son is on our insurance; he pays half of the amount that the insurance increased when we added him.

[Prairie~Phlox]

When you guys say your child pays his own car insurance, you mean his/her portion on your plan?

 

I think my middle son's personal portion is around $150-$200, and we pay it. I personally thought he should pay half but DH disagreed, and thinks that until he is out of school, we should pay, so we do. He will run errands for us when we ask.

Mine pay their portion, dd's is $55/mo, almost 20

Ds's, almost 18 is $110/mo, his should drop a little in November. Both have 2001 cars.

They also both pay for all of their maintenance. Ds got his car for free & spen just over $1250 getting it running, doing all of the work himself. Dd spent $1850 on her car & has to do a few minor repairs, she's had it almost 3 years.

Edited September 4, 2017 by Prairie~Phlox

[Jenny in Florida]

Yeah, I guess I am thinking more about if you can afford it, do you still charge thing. 

 

We can afford to cover his insurance fully, although it would mean cutting other things. (In other words, we could do it if we had to, but it's not like we'd just take an extra few bucks out of a hypothetical trust fund.) We felt strongly that, once he started driving, we wanted him to have "skin in the game." So, although we charged him significantly less than any comparable vehicle would cost, we did have him buy my old car from us, rather than simply passing it down. And we do have him cover half of the insurance cost.

 

We want him to understand and value having the vehicle at his disposal and to feel enough ownership of it to be motivated to care for it properly.

[gardenmom5]

When you guys say your child pays his own car insurance, you mean his/her portion on your plan?

 

I think my middle son's personal portion is around $150-$200, and we pay it.   I personally thought he should pay half but DH disagreed, and thinks that until he is out of school, we should pay, so we do.  He will run errands for us when we ask.

 

they pay their portion on our insurance because it is cheaper than having their own policy. but they each do have their own car.   we helped them buy a car.  

 

we've also helped them get a credit card to start building a credit rating.   only one made us nervous in that regard - but the spendthrift instincts have been overcome.

 

a lot has to do with their attitudes towards money, our finances, what they're doing with their lives, etc

[foxbridgeacademy]

Also not there yet but the plan is that DC, after College, will continue to live at home pay all personal expenses (but no rent etc...) and save a bunch of $$ so they can have a big cushion when they go out into the real world... if they can find a job locally. This should be no issue for DS who is very tight with his money (just started a job last month and already has saved $450) and his chosen field is in need around us.  DD on the other hand will probably require us to practically hemorrhage money for the first few years after she gets out of College.  We'll likely be supporting her financially while she travels with Non-profit groups and I'm sure we'll end up being contributors to whatever her current "mission" is.  When she lives at home I'll expect her to pay for her own personal stuff. 

[Wheres Toto]

My oldest isn't living at home but she lives with my mother under the same rules she would here.  It's more because of space issues than anything.

 

When she graduated college, she started paying her own car insurance.  Her car was paid off and we signed it over to her.   She is paying for her own phone (when I remember to get the money out of her account, my bad).    She pays for all her other needs - most of her food, her personal items, clothes, gas, etc.

 

Although she technically isn't working full time, she works 25-30-ish hours a week and is planning to go to grad school next year.   If she wasn't saving for school, we'd probably have her pay rent.

 

ETA:  She is also paying student loans and payments to her school for a refund that they sent that they shouldn't have.  We called and confirmed it was legit and checked on it at the time, and were told it was good but now a year later, they figured out it wasn't so she has to pay it back.  

Edited September 4, 2017 by Where's Toto?

[goldberry]

DD is in college but not working, so not there yet. 

 

However, I like the way a friend of mine did it.  Once her kids were graduated, they could live at home without paying rent, but as long as they were working toward a goal.  Both girls saved for a house, and moved out when they had saved enough.  Her son, on the other hand, who had his own business and was making good money, spent every dime basically.  After a reasonable amount of time, she said he either needed to pay rent or find his own place.  She wasn't providing him a free place to stay *just* so he could have more money to blow on junk.

 

Another friend of mine, her daughter got a full time job right out of HS, and is perfectly happy staying there until something changes.  She started paying rent (a small amount) from the time she had the job.

[PrincessMommy]

I voted in the past-tense and then saw you had a "my adult children don't live at home anymore".

 

But, when we did have one who was gainfully employed and still living at home, we allowed her time to get on her feet and buy her own car.  Then we charged a nominal rental fee (1/2 of what the going rate is in our area).  Our plan was also to give it back to her when she did move out, which we did.

 

She was incredulous about it.  How could we??  Woe is me, none of my friends have to pay rent, etc. etc. etc.  But, she had a full-time job and had her own basement bedroom with full bath. After she bought her car she wasn't saving toward any particular goal and she didn't have any student loans.

 

She now shares an apartment with her brother.  It's much much closer to her work. 

[Crimson Wife]

I voted for myself when DH, oldest DD, and I lived with my parents to save money on rent while DH was in grad school. I was working FT and earning a decent salary.

 

We sat down with my parents to calculate how much it was costing them in extra utilities, food, and household supplies to have us there. IIRC it was about $250/mo. or so. The goal was to have it be a wash financially for my parents. They didn't keep a running tab so it may not have been exactly the correct amount each month but it was more the principle of it. They didn't want to profit off us by charging rent for rooms that would otherwise have stayed empty and we didn't want to mooch off of them by increasing their household costs.

 

I paid for our car insurance, gas, auto maintenance, a train pass for my DH to get to his school, all the health & dental bills, cell phones, clothes, food that only we ate, and other personal items. I cooked a couple dinners for the family (the 3 of us, my parents, and my youngest brother who was in high school at the time) each week when my mom had evening events. We all pitched in to help with household chores.

[Crimson Wife]

Reading through the responses, I don't understand the "we'll support you financially if you're single but once you're married you're on your own" attitude. To me, that just discourages marriage and encourages taking a casual attitude towards TeA (the opposite of what I would want for my children). If my adult son or daughter needs the financial assistance, it doesn't matter to me if he/she is married or single.

 

My parents made some bad choices in their attitude towards me getting married shortly after college graduation that harmed our relationship, but at least they didn't refuse to help us when DH decided to attend graduate school simply because we were married.

[foxbridgeacademy]

NM

  

Edited September 5, 2017 by foxbridgeacademy

[Χά�ων]

Working with adult step child and they are now paying their own cell phone and medical co-pays. What they do around the house has been a hard won battle that included cognitive testing to ensure expectations ans ability lined up.

 

DH pointed out that they are now refusing to take themselves to buy groceries and pet food and other essentials of life and are playing grandparents and other relatives to get rides rather than do it themselves. DH is planning to talk to his family to see if they can all work together to force this adult child to reach their full potential. This is not the normal situation. It is very abnormal behavior for a mid 20 something adult to spend so much energy to manipulate people to do stuff for them rather than walk less than a block to catch the bus that goes to the grocery store. It is interesting, they no longer ask me or DH to take them places they can easily reach by foot or by bus. I treat them the same way I treat my son. I insist on life skills being built as much as possible. The difference is how they react. My son takes the bus or walks or bikes to places he wants to visit as is age appropriate. My stepchild found someone to drive 30 minutes each way to drive them less than a mile so they would not have to walk 4 houses and catch a bus.

 

 

I am not there with DS 13, but our house is located in a neighborhood that is in high demand for short term rentals and students who just want a room. I may or may not be planning to rent out the bedrooms for a bit of extra income. Of course it will mostly go towards college but he will not be in college forever. I hope. I have no clue how it will really play out though.

[Hen]

my adult children can stay at our house rent free, as long as they are full-time college students or nearly full time. They have part time jobs and most pay for their own college books but we pay for their classes.  They buy most of their own personal needs/wants but I do buy them things I know they need or that they would like from time to time.  We provided cars but they pay the insurance and gas.  If they are not in college but are working full time, then the deal is that they would pay rent - it would be less than out in the real world, but enough that they'd have to work and not be at home all day sleeping... so far it is working well. 

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Reading through the responses, I don't understand the "we'll support you financially if you're single but once you're married you're on your own" attitude. To me, that just discourages marriage and encourages taking a casual attitude towards TeA (the opposite of what I would want for my children). If my adult son or daughter needs the financial assistance, it doesn't matter to me if he/she is married or single.

 

My parents made some bad choices in their attitude towards me getting married shortly after college graduation that harmed our relationship, but at least they didn't refuse to help us when DH decided to attend graduate school simply because we were married.

My parents quit paying for my college education because I got married. So I don't understand this either. I still don't understand their logic.

[Guest]

People I know who live at home as adults pay their share of bills and food but not rent. That seems fair as the mortgage/rent is the same whether they are there or not (unless the adult child was preventing downsizing). I paid for my own personal stuff and clothes from 13 so I don't expect as much help as some of your kids. However my mother did give me a car she couldn't use when she moved and keep the insurance until I finished university and in my last year of university gave me $100 a month which was so much help.

Just a note to say that while the mortgage is the same with or without offspring in the house, it's a little frustrating to me at this point. Maybe not at this point...but the thing us, we downsized a lot a few years ago and I lack space to engage in some hobbies I used to enjoy. When ds moves out--and he plans to--I can use the space to do things I enjoy, and so will my dh be able to do so.

 

I'm sure that when it comes to ds ' moving out, I will have a string mix of "Where do you think you are going?" And "don't let the door hit you."

 

But I do have plans for the space. DH and I are retired and have many interests and all the things that go with them.

[TABmom]

I only have littles, but when I graduated from college, I did not have a full time job the first year. I moved back home for a year. I was going to be a teacher, so I substitute taught and worked at the library in the evening. My parents did not ask for rent money, but I did pay for my own stuff. Honestly, I didn't help much around the house because I subbed pretty much every day and with an evening job too, I just wasn't there much. I didn't cause any problems or make extra work for anyone. The next year I got a job in another town and moved out. If the circumstances were the same with my kids, I would do what my parents did. If they were not working or going to school or if they were involved in unsavory activities - drugs or such- that would be a different story. It was hard on my self esteem to not get a job right away. My dad hugged me a lot and said he was so thankful for the extra time he had with me. He said he thought I'd never really "come home" after college and he was continually telling me what a blessing it was to them to have an extra year. That meant a lot to me. I would bet that if I asked them if they thought about charging me rent back then, they would say it had never occurred to them.

[SKL]

I'm not at that stage yet, but I have had many friends where the family chose to live together after the offspring were adults.

 

In many cases it was a two-way street, meaning the child was helping the parent as much as (sometimes more than) the parent was helping the child.  In at least one case, they bought the house together with this being the long-term plan.

 

Watching my friends and family age, I feel like this is a legitimate option.  Currently my hope is that my kids are good enough housemates that we will enjoy living together.

 

It's not that I want or need them to contribute financially.  But I feel it would be mutually beneficial if they are physically close.  I also don't see the point of them paying for living space when I have space for them here (unless they need to be far away or have other needs I can't meet).

[SereneHome]

I'll tell you how it was for me when I was young.  I might or might not do something similar.

 

When I was in college full time, I worked almost full time - I paid for my phone, my clothes, my car - buying and repairs my cell phone.  I paid for my college entirely from my job.  Never had financial aid or student loans.  My parents paid for food and car insurance and I was on their health insurance.

 

Once I graduated - I gave them $500/mo (totally arbitrary amount that my Dad picked, which they saved up and then paid for my wedding and gave us money as a gift), they still paid for food and my car insurance and  I paid for my stuff. 

 

That arrangement allowed me to not only save but be able to invest in RE.

 

Here is the thing - that I think will be the most determining factor for me when it comes to my kids - their expectations.  I never expected my parents to pay for anything since I started working at 16.  At the same time, they never expected me to pay for anything.  So I was willing to take responsibility for my life and they were willing to provide as much support as they could/I needed. 

 

The whole thing worked out beautifully :)

[Melissa in Australia]

Most of my adult children have left home

 

One of my son's just recently came home with a girlfriend ( he works 9 months of the year in extremely remote bush at least 1 1/2 hours drive from anything). Apparently they had come up with the idea that girlfriend would live here for the 9 months that he was working away. It would have been nice to have been involved in the discussions instead of finding out after she arrived. (She is 19) It lasted 3 weeks, then I got into a fight with her over finances, not me asking her for money- but me telling ( kindly) her that she needed to get a job or go on unemployment. She yelled back and back answered. So I am afraid to say that I yelled back at her. She shifted out the next day and I am not sure if my relationship with my son will ever be repaired.

 

My older children did pay board when they started earning money after the age of 16.

[Lizzie in Ma]

Oldest dd and her husband live with us.  We offered and wanted them to stay here while her dh finishes college.  It made no sense for them to rent in Boston or surrounds, it is way too expensive.  This way they can work and sock away a down payment on a house.  They pay for their vehicle, insurance and all car related and commuter expenses.  They also have their own health insurance, phones, etc.  They have two jobs each currently.  Her dh tok a semester off to settle in and put some money aside.