Boy Moms- question about growth and height

[VeteranMom]

Ds1 just turned 14 and has shot up in height.  He's 5'11".  Ds2 just turned 13 and isn't picking up height the way his brother did.  He's about 4 inches behind where ds1 was at his age.  I can tell it's causing some distress in younger ds.  I'd appreciate some boy moms sharing information about differing height in brothers.  Does the shorter height now possibly mean younger ds will be taller than his older brother?  Younger ds's feet and arms seem to be growing, but he is very slow growing in height right now.      

[Arcadia]

My DS10 is shorter than DS11 was last year. However DS11 growth chart has always been a steady gradual curve while DS10 has always grown in spurts from newborn. It is hard to tell what their final heights will be other than DS11 is taller than me and DS10 is catching up.

 

Once I show DS10 his growth chart, he was okay with being shorter because he saw he grew in spurts.

[maize]

I don't think there is any way to tell; kids go through growth phases very differently. Some grow early, some late, some in quick bursts and others more gradually.

 

Your boys may end up close to the same height or several inches apart, and either one could be taller.

Edited February 26, 2016 by maize

[MrsWeasley]

Younger siblings, statistically, tend to be slightly shorter than their same-sex siblings.

[catz]

I'd say it's impossible to tell at that age.  5'11" is very tall for 14 right?  My newish 15 year old has friends that tall and they seem giant.  My 15 year old is 5'8" and he's beaten expectations at this point (he was tiny tiny tiny all the way through, way bottom end of growth chart).  He was the same size as some of his friends that are like 5'-5'3" at the same age, so I think my DS is late on his growth spurts. I think he might have a couple inches left in him and that would get him close to DH's height.  I will also say my kid literally grew a foot in like 2 years time. 

 

I think for boys it's especially hard to tell.  I know some of had a growth spurt even after graduating high school.

Edited February 26, 2016 by WoolySocks

[maize]

Younger siblings, statistically, tend to be slightly shorter than their same-sex siblings.

Which says nothing about how things will work out in a given family. My four brothers are stair steps as adults--with the oldest the shortest and the youngest the tallest. My husband and his brothers go (oldest to youngest): shortest, tallest, second tallest, second shortest.

[VeteranMom]

The best thing moms of boys can do, absent any medical or hormone issue, is to not play the 'real men are tall men' game. Real men come in all heights. 

I think it's hard for ds due to the fact that he plays basketball and he wants to be tall for that reason.  

[myfunnybunch]

Ds15 is a bit of a late bloomer, and ds13 is a bit early, so they're actually going through their big growth spurts together. Ds15 is more of a slow and steady growing guy; his younger brother shot up practically overnight.

 

All that to say...who knows? Each boy's growth is different. They don't seem to care about comparing their heights, they're just excited to be taller and almost taller than me. :P

[marbel]

The best thing moms of boys can do, absent any medical or hormone issue, is to not play the 'real men are tall men' game. Real men come in all heights. 

 

Another is not to say to boys with tall fathers, "oh, you're going to be tall, like your dad!"  They  may not be.

 

My husband is 6' 4".  All his life, my son has heard that he is going to be very tall.    He is 18 and 5' 9".  He may grow more, you say?  Most likely not.  He has mild scoliosis and has had numerous xrays.  The doctor told him a couple years ago that he will probably top out at about 5' 10" based on his growth plates.

 

The kid was really shocked and dismayed to hear that - not because there is anything wrong with being less than 6 feet tall, but because so many people had put the expectation of height in his mind.

 

Now I cringe whenever I hear people say that to a little kid. 

 

(Just an aside, since we're talking about boys and height.)

 

Edited February 26, 2016 by marbel

[ChocolateReignRemix]

I think it's hard for ds due to the fact that he plays basketball and he wants to be tall for that reason.  

 

If his feet are still growing, then he will be as well.

 

13 can be a very wide range of development.  I was just at a basketball tournament for 6th, 7th, and 8th graders this past weekend and the 6th graders generally looked like boys, the 8th graders looked like young men, and the 7th graders were all over the map.

[Danestress]

My boys are fraternal twins. One grew earlier that the other. There was a long stretch between maybe 11-14 when one twin was between 1-3 inches taller than the other. And people would mention it. One guy selling us a Christmas tree heard they were twins and asked the slower grower, "why are you so short?" True story. Exact words.

 

At 18 they are the same height. The slow grower was always so stoic about it, and I really admired that. I think he deserves to be an inch taller as a reward for his graciousness. They are both 5'11, so not super tall but not short. I was worried for a while, though.

[jenn-]

My boys are fraternal twins. One grew earlier that the other. There was a long stretch between maybe 11-14 when one twin was between 1-3 inches taller than the other. And people would mention it. One guy selling us a Christmas tree heard they were twins and asked the slower grower, "why are you so short?" True story. Exact words.

 

At 18 they are the same height. The slow grower was always so stoic about it, and I really admired that. I think he deserves to be an inch taller as a reward for his graciousness. They are both 5'11, so not super tall but not short. I was worried for a while, though.

 

My frat twins will be twelve in May.  The younger of the two can rest his chin on his brother's head at this point.  He has always been 1-2 inches taller (since birth), but this hitting puberty first has had him shooting way up.  I will probably be looking him in the eye before summer.  Older twin doesn't seem to mind too much, but the fact that his little brother (23 months younger) is about to catch him might cause him more concern.  We are thinking that he is taking after DH's side of the family and will be a late bloomer, whereas his brothers take after my side of the family. 

 

I was 5' 6" at 11 and only gained .5" more after that (yep I was that really tall kid in 5th grade). Both my brother and my sister were also tall for their peers with my brother hitting 6" by 7th grade age (6th grade for him care of repeating 2nd).

 

DH hit is growth spurt closer to 15 though and he is now 6', so he just took a little longer to get there.

[gardenmom5]

1 & 2 dss grew differently.  1ds was 5'11 by the time he was 15.  made it really easy to pick him out of a crowd of his peers. but he was also done growing.

2ds . . didn't start growing until he was 14+. . . . he's now just shy of 6'1".

 

one of my favorite kid pix is 2dd (5'11"), 1ds (5'11 1/2") and a 10yo 2ds standing between them. the top of his head was barely past their shoulders.  he's now taller than both of them.

 

and dudeling . . . he's taller than everyone at the same age.  so, we'll see where he ends up.

 

- eta:  1ds has bigger feet by nearly two entire shoe sizes than 2ds. but, he's also the shorter of the two.

 

 

Edited February 26, 2016 by gardenmom5

[gardenmom5]

Younger siblings, statistically, tend to be slightly shorter than their same-sex siblings.

 

I'm taller than my sister by two full inches

my kids get taller the further down the line they go . . dudeling is still growing so he doesn't count. (but he's taller than everyone else at the same age.)

1dd is shorter than me (everyone else is taller than dh). 

[Starr]

Ds looks down on most of his friends who were taller at 13/14.

[luuknam]

My boys are fraternal twins. One grew earlier that the other. There was a long stretch between maybe 11-14 when one twin was between 1-3 inches taller than the other. And people would mention it. One guy selling us a Christmas tree heard they were twins and asked the slower grower, "why are you so short?" True story. Exact words.

 

At 18 they are the same height. The slow grower was always so stoic about it, and I really admired that. I think he deserves to be an inch taller as a reward for his graciousness. They are both 5'11, so not super tall but not short. I was worried for a while, though.

 

Really, I wish people would stop worrying about kids possibly being 'short' as grownups (with the exception of people whose kids have real growth disorders). Sort of similar to what Sadie was saying:

 

The best thing moms of boys can do, absent any medical or hormone issue, is to not play the 'real men are tall men' game. Real men come in all heights. 

 

My oldest will likely be about 5'5". I tell him he's less likely to bump his head (nice when touring medieval castles for example).

[luuknam]

I think it's hard for ds due to the fact that he plays basketball and he wants to be tall for that reason.  

 

Throw 3-pointers from halfway across the court. I did some of that in PE in high school. It was mixed male/female, and by Dutch standards I'm tiny (my mom even talked to me about seeing the doctor and possibly getting growth hormones - she's shorter than me (but, her generation is shorter than my generation), and not happy about it... I rarely even think about it, though I guess moving to the US made me a lot taller), so I was the shortest kid on the court. That said, basketball isn't as competitive in NL as in the US, but realistically, people in the US take it way too seriously because all those kids aren't going to go pro anyway so why freak out about height.

[Laura Corin]

What are the genetics in your family?  

 

Calvin is 5'11", which is actually beyond what the charts (based on my height and Husband's height) thought he should reach - I have a brother who is 6'2".  Calvin started into growth early and stopped growing at 18.

 

Hobbes is currently about 5'6".  He was late into growth but is physically like his father, so I suspect that he will not grow many more inches.

 

 

[eternalsummer]

Which says nothing about how things will work out in a given family. My four brothers are stair steps as adults--with the oldest the shortest and the youngest the tallest. My husband and his brothers go (oldest to youngest): shortest, tallest, second tallest, second shortest.

 

It says exactly that things are more likely to work out a certain way in a given family, precluding any other mitigating factors.  That's what statistics mean! :)

[Tenaj]

Really, I wish people would stop worrying about kids possibly being 'short' as grownups (with the exception of people whose kids have real growth disorders). Sort of similar to what Sadie was saying:

 

 

 

 

This!  I was  completely annoyed by our normally reasonable pediatrician when he told my 14 yods that he really hoped he grew a bit more because it just wasn't cool for a guy to be less than 6 feet tall!  He's only about 5'10" himself.  It really irritated me.

[Carrie12345]

We aren't there yet with the boys, but I'd put good money on the 5yo passing the 8yo in the next decade or less.  They're practically the same size in the waist and about 8lbs apart the last I checked.  Very different body types.

My 17yo is 6'3 or 6'4 now.  I don't think either of the little boys is going to get quite that tall, but we'll see!

 

My 13yo dd (closing in on 14) shot up earlier than her 12yo sister (13 this summer) and got all the other perks of puberty, too.  The younger was not thrilled with her delay (which hasn't actually been a delay, but more "normal") and is much happier, but I'm sure she's always going to be a smaller person.  They have very different body types, and that's just the way it is.

[marbel]

This!  I was  completely annoyed by our normally reasonable pediatrician when he told my 14 yods that he really hoped he grew a bit more because it just wasn't cool for a guy to be less than 6 feet tall!  He's only about 5'10" himself.  It really irritated me.

 

That is awful!  I guess that doctor had issues with his own height. 

 

I do believe it's true that in the US, taller men are looked on as "better." 

 

Like I said, my son was a bit upset when his doctor told him he'd reach about 5'10".  The doctor saw that on his face.  He was nice about it - said "hey you're going to beat me, I'm 5'7" and I'm doing OK!" 

 

[Danestress]

Really, I wish people would stop worrying about kids possibly being 'short' as grownups (with the exception of people whose kids have real growth disorders). Sort of similar to what Sadie was saying:

.

Why? i wish could change how people think, but the reality, like it or not, is that boys don't want to be short and find it challenging. Why wouldn't I worry about how my boy felt being 3 inches shorter than his twin brother and constantly dealing with comments?

 

I also wish I could change the world so that girls and women were not so valued and judged based on perceptions of physical beauty. But if I had twin daughters and one were considered far less attractive than the other to the extent that people commented and said, "why is your sister so much prettier?" I would worry. Surely no one wants that for a daughter.

Edited February 26, 2016 by Danestress

[Cinder]

Dh and I are tall--dh is 6'0" and I'm 5'10". So when we had kids people would always mention how they'll be tall like us. Well, maybe, we'd reply--while both our dads are over 6', both our moms are only around 5'3". So they could have been short. They aren't, but they could have been, and we often mentioned that when people commented.

 

You really can't tell how they'll grow. I always expected ds1 to be tall and really skinny; he was as a child. As an adult, he's tall--6'2"--but more medium build--slim but broad-shouldered. Ds2 was also expected to be tall but as a young child had a more medium build than ds1 and around 12yo he was slightly chubby. I guess he gained his weight first because at 18yo he's now 6'4" and 145 lbs. Their growth charts put them both around 6'3", so that part turned out as expected. But their build/frame turned out opposite of what I anticipated.

 

I have a friend whose husband is about 6'2" but their older son is only 5'8" and the younger son will likely be a similar height. He's 16yo now and had a big growth spurt at 15 that put him around 5'6"-7. She told me their dc got their growth genes from her side where the men are all short.

 

In my own family I'm the tallest of 3 dc. My brother is only 5'7" and sis is 5'2". You just never know how the genes will mix.

[rocassie]

I have four brothers.  Here are their stats in birth order.

 

1. 5' 11.5"  Achieved this height as a 10th grader

2. 6' 1.5"  Achieved this height by the end of 1st year in college.  High school he was on the scrawny side, but average in height

3. 5' 10"  Achieved this height by the end of 12th grade.  He shot up several inches his senior year.  Prior to that he was short (well maybe just short compared to my other brothers) and scrawny.

4. 6'2"  Achieved this height by 12th grade.  He was always on the tall, stocky side and steadily grew since toddlerhood.  By Kindergarten he was taller than brother #3.  He had growth spurts but they were at an inch at a time.  I think he entered high school at 5'9" or 5'10".

 

[edelweiss]

Why? i wish could change how people think, but the reality, like it or not, is that buys don't want to be short and find it challenging. Why wouldn't I worry about how my boy felt being 3 inches shorter than his twin brother and constantly dealing with comments?

 

I also wish I could change the world so that girls and women were not so valued and judged based on perceptions of physical beauty. But if I had twin daughters and one were considered far less attractive than the other to the extent that people commented and said, "why is your sister so much prettier?" I would worry. Surely no one wants that for a daughter.

 

 

I agree.  I worry about my 12 (almost 13) year old DD.  Right now she is 5'.  I am really hoping that she can eke out a few more inches, but I'm concerned that she won't.  She aspires to be a professional ballerina.  It is a difficult thing to attain in any case, but if she doesn't grow anymore, it pretty much eliminates any chance of that possibility.  I am certainly worried that her dream might be over even before it begins.

 

Hopefully she will grow a bit more.  I am 5'8" and DH is 6'0".  My mother is only 5'0" though.  My other daughter is 5'5".

[The Girls' Mom]

My dh is the "short" one in his family.  Most of the men on his side are well over 6'2".  He's barely scraping 5'11"  (He used to claim 6', but it just isn't there anymore..lol.)  He was always a LOT shorter than his older-by-two-years brother, who topped out at 6'4".  It hasn't really seemed to bother him much.  His mom is tiny, and he seems to have taken after that side of the family more in general.

Genetics are funny though.  BIL's kids are all shorter than our kids.  (most of them are past puberty) 

[catz]

Well my son has always been in the bottom 15% of the growth curve and we've always just normalized that some people are tall and some people are short.  We've taught him to deflect negative comments about his height.   All the anguish in the world isn't going to make you taller.  Confidence goes a long way as does the ability to not compare yourself with others. 

[Pam in CT]

The basketball thing is a bummer.  I have a nephew, now 16, who's always been really really good (only freshman on his hs team/co-captain by sophomore year, co-captain of his travel NYC team since middle school etc).  His father is 6'2 and his older brother is 6'4 and he always "ran tall" all through childhood and everyone always expected him to be tall.  Looks like he's topped out at 6'1 though, and that really will constrain his ability to play at the level he wants in college.  It's a bummer.

 

But 13 is too early to tell -- anything can happen in terms of growth spurts at that age-- and in any event, height is just one of those things you really can't do anything about... so to the extent you can (it's so hard to be an adolescent  :grouphug: ), I'd try to tamp down discussion about it.  It is what it is, KWIM?

[J-rap]

This is probably just a silly myth, but I always heard that doubling your child's height at age two predicts their full-grown height.  I can't remember how accurate the actual numbers were in our case, but when I did that, it was spot on according to ranking.  That is, the one who was tallest at age two was the tallest when grown up, the one who was second tallest when two was second tallest when grown up, etc.  Sometimes the heights varied quite wildly in-between, but it eventually all stabilized to their two-year-old rankings.   :)  (But I had mostly girls.)

Edited February 26, 2016 by J-rap

[BlsdMama]

What are the genetics in your family?  

 

Calvin is 5'11", which is actually beyond what the charts (based on my height and Husband's height) thought he should reach - I have a brother who is 6'2".  Calvin started into growth early and stopped growing at 18.

 

Hobbes is currently about 5'6".  He was late into growth but is physically like his father, so I suspect that he will not grow many more inches.

 

Height seems so random.   My grandmother was a shortie, my grandfather just a hair over 6'.  Their DAUGHTERS range from 5'1" to right under 6'.  Their sons are more moderate from 5'8"ish to 6'2".  

 

We never guessed our son would be tall-ish.  DH is 5'8"-5'9".  DS is just brushing the 5'10" mark but we thought he would be shorter than DH.  My side tends to be a little taller, but my MIL is 4'11" and that is a bit of a wild card.  Our dd is 5'2" when I'm 5'6".  Our second DS looks like she is tall, looks like she should be tall... super long limbs, willowy frame.  I think she really might top out at 5'.  But my mom is about 5'8".  Somehow it isn't compensating the same way.  MIL's genes just seem to dominate - both in her kids and in her grandkids.  I have one daughter that looks just like her too! :)  

[SparklyUnicorn]

Mine are 10 and 14.  The 14 year old is about 5 ft 2.  The 10 year old is around 4 ft 11.  So it seems likely to me that the 10 year old will be taller.  This does not really surprise me.  Half my family is very short and the other half about average.  Same with DH.  He's 5 ft 11 and I'm 5 ft 1.

 

 

[redsquirrel]

I am the eldest child in my family and I am the shortest person in the whole family. Well, now I am taller than my mom, which is weird because she was always several inches taller. She has lost a lot of height.

 

People, boys and girls, hit puberty at different times.  He will be who he will be and it's not something to spend much energy worrying about.

 

And people grow for different periods of time. My brother was of average height growing up and had a huge growth spurt his first year in college. He grew almost 6 inches his freshman year away.  He comes from a family of petite people and is 6'1". No one would have guessed that when he was 16, because he was quite average in height.

[wapiti]

There is no way to know.  My twins just turned 13; one of them is at least three inches taller than the other - actually, no, the difference must be greater than that because the tall one is taller than I am  :tongue_smilie: but the short one is far shorter than I am.  And ds9 is almost as tall as the shorter ds13.  I have a brother who is now 6 ft, the youngest of three boys and the tallest, but he didn't hit his growth spurt until around senior yr of high school/freshman yr of college - he was one of the shortest in his high school class until then.

Edited February 26, 2016 by wapiti

[luuknam]

Why? i wish could change how people think, but the reality, like it or not, is that boys don't want to be short and find it challenging.

 

Because not all boys care about height, and parental worrying about something they don't care about tells them that they should care about it. Basically, you're projecting negative feelings onto your kids. Just not a good idea. Especially since it's not going to make them taller anyway. Really, my mom was talking about seeing the doctor and possibly doing growth hormone injections for a couple of years to maybe end up 1-2 inches taller. I was like "are you crazy?". Nobody needs that kind of parental projecting. Just because she feels bad about being short doesn't mean I've got to feel bad about being short. Gah.

[Caclcoca]

I am 5'2", and I really hope that my dd ends up taller than me.  She is a competitive swimmer, so she really wants height.  She is about 0.5" shorter than me now, but I don't think she has much more in her.  She is only 12, but I have been the height that I am since I was 11.  I think just a couple of more inches would make life easier.  I have to rely on the kindness of strangers in the grocery store.

[LucyStoner]

My older brother went from unusually short for his age to 5'11" ish or so in about the space of 5-6 months between last part of 9th grade and first part of 10th grade.

 

My nephew is very small for his age and I really wish I could smack my brother upside his stupid face for making his son worry about his height. My nephew could end up being about 5'5" to 5'7" or so and my brother has made it quite clear that's not ok. What the heck? Disapproval ain't going to make him grow. I think he assumed dad's genes determine sons' size and mom's genes determine daughters' size and that is just so darn far from the truth.

 

I'm tall from a tall family (my older brother and I have different fathers, not that my brother is short at 5'11" but he's shorter than typical in my mother's Amazonian sized family) and my husband is 6'1" at the right time of day. We assume that our sons will be north of 6 feet but we've never really made height a big deal for them.

[GAPeachie]

My shortest brother ended up the tallest of the bunch and that says a lot because his mother is Asian and like 5' even.  The one that was tallest when you compared evenly age wise, is in the middle (and his mom is taller than 5'0.)  

 

Growing up, the slow but steady growers seemed to end up on top. 

 

I'm 5'2.  I was predicted to be 5'6.  No one told my genes.  LOL

 

I was the tallest for awhile in school and stopped growing sometime in middle school heightwise.  My daughter is nearly eye to eye with me and wears the same size shoe. We will see if she stretches some more or not.  

[Danestress]

Because not all boys care about height, and parental worrying about something they don't care about tells them that they should care about it. Basically, you're projecting negative feelings onto your kids. Just not a good idea. Especially since it's not going to make them taller anyway. Really, my mom was talking about seeing the doctor and possibly doing growth hormone injections for a couple of years to maybe end up 1-2 inches taller. I was like "are you crazy?". Nobody needs that kind of parental projecting. Just because she feels bad about being short doesn't mean I've got to feel bad about being short. Gah.

So are you talking about me or your mother? Because I have three actual sons who have feelings and cares I likely have more actual knowledge of and insight into than even the most well-meaning online poster. I worried about the one son because I saw what he was going through.

 

But we may just have different ideas about what 'worry' looks like. Worry means I felt something. It doesn't mean I took actions - talked about his height or other kids' heights, took him to the doctor, etc. I knew my boys were all likely to be average height in the end based on family history. But I worried for him because at the time, it was hard for him.

[Stratford]

I don't have a lot of experience with my own kids yet, as my oldest is only 11, but I anticipate having a lot of variation with my four boys.  DS#1 will be on the taller side of normal, the second will be smaller, 3 and 4 are unknowns at this point.  

 

I come from a tall family.  At 5'8" I am the absolute shortest person in my family, immediate and extended.  I have cousins in the nearly 7 foot range, my brother in 6'5", everyone is tall, tall, tall.  My husband, at 5'8", is one of the tallest people in his entire family.  They are a tiny group of people.  Most of the women come up to my chin.  It's going to be interesting to see how the genetics of it all play out with our kids.  

 

We're pretty careful about making "tall=good" statements.  My side of the family isn't as careful and it bothers me a lot (bothered me as a kid, too, being the "short one.")  My small kid has been in the 25th percentile his entire life and will most likely stay there.  His cousin (same age) is quite tall and gets a lot of positive attention from it.  It's a tough thing to be a small boy.  

[MamaBearTeacher]

Is height in boys related to what age they start puberty and how tall they are when they start puberty? Does growth start to slow down when a certain stage of puberty is reached? Ie. facial hair or chest hair?

[luuknam]

So are you talking about me or your mother? Because I have three actual sons who have feelings and cares I likely have more actual knowledge of and insight into than even the most well-meaning online poster. I worried about the one son because I saw what he was going through.

 

But we may just have different ideas about what 'worry' looks like. Worry means I felt something. It doesn't mean I took actions - talked about his height or other kids' heights, took him to the doctor, etc. I knew my boys were all likely to be average height in the end based on family history. But I worried for him because at the time, it was hard for him.

 

I was talking about your previous post in which you said that boys want to be tall (or something along those lines). You didn't say "my boys want to be tall"... you made it sound like that desire is an intrinsic part of being a boy. It isn't. It's part of our culture, and a pretty nonsensical part at that. There's no particular use to being 6'. If *everybody* woke up 6 inches shorter tomorrow the world would go on pretty much the way it has been going on (obviously, everybody would suddenly need to hem their clothes, but human society could just as easily survive if the average height was half a foot shorter than it currently is - in fact, if everyone were shorter it'd be better for the environment since a shorter body requires fewer resources to maintain - ceilings could be lower leading to lower heating/cooling bills, cars could be a little smaller, people would need to eat a little less, etc etc etc).

 

And yes, if my kid was struggling with something, I'd be concerned (or worried, if you prefer). But that doesn't mean I'd worry about his height... I'd worry about his worry about his height. We don't have to have the same values as other people. If other people worry about being good christians so they go to heaven, doesn't mean we have to worry about that, even if most people in this country are christians. If other people want to be famous for the sake of famous (think Kardashians), doesn't mean we have to value empty fame.

 

Unfortunately, statistically speaking, tall men are more likely to end up in leadership positions/make more money. But that doesn't mean that there aren't a lot of exceptions. Because of the cultural valuing of height, tall kids probably grow up with more self-confidence than short kids, and self-confidence is probably more strongly correlated with leadership/money than height (I'm assuming here, so I don't have evidence). So, I'd rather call BS on the value of height than erode my kid's self-confidence by reinforcing concerns about height.

[Mom-ninja.]

So are you talking about me or your mother? Because I have three actual sons who have feelings and cares I likely have more actual knowledge of and insight into than even the most well-meaning online poster. I worried about the one son because I saw what he was going through.

 

But we may just have different ideas about what 'worry' looks like. Worry means I felt something. It doesn't mean I took actions - talked about his height or other kids' heights, took him to the doctor, etc. I knew my boys were all likely to be average height in the end based on family history. But I worried for him because at the time, it was hard for him.

 

My ds is 5'2 at 15. He's the shortest in his group of friends....by a lot. Even the girls over age 11-12 are taller than he is. He once made a comment, "Mom, I'm the oldest kid at co-op and yet the shortest." I simply said, "Yep, you are. People are all different sizes. Everyone in my family is short on both sides. Your dad is tall compared to my family cause he's 6', but you darling, got your mama's great looks."

 

He's the shortest boy in his karate class, yet he's a black belt and doesn't in any way feel intimidated. Maybe it helps that the sensei is about 5'3 and he obviously can kick butt.   

 

He is not teased. No negative comments are made about his height by anyone. He doesn't feel bad being short. He's noticed he's shorter but it doesn't bother him. I strongly believe that's because it has not ever been discussed other than the above short conversation. It has never been discussed with a doctor. It is just a NON-ISSUE.

 

His younger brother is 3 years younger and is 5'. Doesn't bother eldest at all. Non-issue.

 

Kids internalize the attitude around them whether peers, parents, friends, family, etc. If people make height an issue then it will be an issue.  

[redsquirrel]

I am barely five feet tall. It doesn't bother me in the least, but it seems to bother other people a whole lot.  I have a SIL who can't have a conversation with me without mentioning it. She will always look for a way to 'tease' me (make a joke and then laugh at me) about my height. I really don't get it.  Why is someone's height something to joke about? That would be like me 'teasing' her for having brown eyes. What is the exact joke to be had?

 

But she's not the only one. As a child it never bothered me in the least until my doctor started talking to my parents about getting me growth hormone injections to "help me be normal".  Umm... I am normal, what I am not is average, and that's ok with me.

 

In mind's eye, I am the same height as everyone else. My boys aren't going to be tall. Their dad is of average height, and it is looking like my eldest is going to be the same height as his dad. But, they have known their whole lives that they might be on the shorter side because their mom is tiny. But they also know it's not something to spend any time worrying about because we play the cards we were dealt.

 

And I have absolutely met adult men who were not much taller than I am. They have all grown up to be perfectly nice people, moved out of their parents home, gone to college, met partners, got nice jobs or started businesses, had kids.... I mean, really, what are people worried about, lol. There are so, so many worse things a person could be than shorter than average. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

My ds is 5'2 at 15. He's the shortest in his group of friends....by a lot. Even the girls over age 11-12 are taller than he is. He once made a comment, "Mom, I'm the oldest kid at co-op and yet the shortest." I simply said, "Yep, you are. People are all different sizes. Everyone in my family is short on both sides. Your dad is tall compared to my family cause he's 6', but you darling, got your mama's great looks."

 

He's the shortest boy in his karate class, yet he's a black belt and doesn't in any way feel intimidated. Maybe it helps that the sensei is about 5'3 and he obviously can kick butt.   

 

He is not teased. No negative comments are made about his height by anyone. He doesn't feel bad being short. He's noticed he's shorter but it doesn't bother him. I strongly believe that's because it has not ever been discussed other than the above short conversation. It has never been discussed with a doctor. It is just a NON-ISSUE.

 

His younger brother is 3 years younger and is 5'. Doesn't bother eldest at all. Non-issue.

 

Kids internalize the attitude around them whether peers, parents, friends, family, etc. If people make height an issue then it will be an issue.  

 

He's cool in my book.  (My book contains a lot of short people....) 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I do sometimes have to chuckle at my sil. My dd was engaged to a fellow who was 6'4" (considering that his dad is 6'6", two other brothers are 6'5" and one is 7'2", he felt short in his family!) and is now married to lovely man who is an inch shorter than she is! He does request that she not wear 3" heels... 

 

LOL

 

Oh man I'd be like a midget next to him!

[luuknam]

I do sometimes have to chuckle at my sil. My dd was engaged to a fellow who was 6'4" (considering that his dad is 6'6", two other brothers are 6'5" and one is 7'2", he felt short in his family!) and is now married to lovely man who is an inch shorter than she is! He does request that she not wear 3" heels... 

 

He could just get high heels himself...

 

Here's a site with men's shoes that says "Our shoes will invisibly add 2-5 inches in height without losing any comfort". I have the model I linked to, and "without losing any comfort" is a bit of an overstatement (really, 5.2" heels are by definition going to be a little less comfortable), but sometimes it's fun to add some extra height and be taller than my wife (who is 3" taller than me). I think they recommend trying 2-3" extra first, which may be comfortable - I don't know, haven't tried, I've worn women's high heels before, but for a guy who's never worn high heels it might be a good idea to only do 3" at first). They have various different kinds of shoes, not just boots, though only the boots go all the way to 5.2" high.

 

http://www.tallmenshoes.com/elevator3.html

[theelfqueen]

My XH is quite tall 6'8" ... He's the father of my older two sons. Oldest is just under 6'2" at 20. Muppet Boy is just over 6'1" at 14. Little Guy is more average in height. My brothers are both on the shorter side.

 

One of my 14 yr old nephews is shorter than my 10 year old. He's struggling with it. It is really hard to see him struggle.

[Danestress]

 

So, I'd rather call BS on the value of height than erode my kid's self-confidence by reinforcing concerns about height.

I grew up with all sisters and few boys even in my extended family. I honestly had no idea how much some boys care about height until I had sons, or how much value society seems to place on being tall. It all seems ridiculous to me - especially when I learned how it affects job offers and advancement. It's just so stupid, and I agree with you that it doesn't seem like there is inherent value in being tall. I can't cite a study, but I do think I have read that tallness is associated with diminished longevity and I haven't read that tall people are more competent, reliable, or intelligent such that it ought to be relevant in who is hired or promoted.

 

So I don't disagree with your overall point here. I just disagree that I have projected negative feelings about height on my boys. I would have worded my post more carefully if it had occurred to me that someone would interpret my 'worry' about my son's pain over these comparisons to his brother as me having or projecting negative ideas about shortness/tallness on him. And for the record, it was hard for him for a while but not a huge thing - he was, as I said, very gracious about it. Privately he expressed frustration and hurt, but nothing extreme. My worry wasn't extreme either. I think a lot of parents feel their kids pain, even when they know that the pain is temporary or that they will learn from it.

Edited February 28, 2016 by Danestress