My dd is heartbroken and I am in a crisis!

[Mom to Aly]

I really don't know what to do, although I may not have a decision to make.

 

OK--single hsing mom--no money. Most of you know that. We recently found out about a sports program that is very cheap, and dd has always wanted to do this program, and a good friend has her children in it, which made it a big plus. We can ride there with her, which made it totally doable! It is a devout religious group, they say a prayer at the beginning of each practice, but we agreed we could just stand respectfully and it wouldn't be a problem.

 

We couldn't go to first practice today, because dd is ill. Friend called me to tell me, she spoke to the head of it, and the head has been rethinking it--considering the fact that we are not just not Christian, but that we are Hindu--apparently a bit too "off"--and is going to pray about it, and check with group, but, even though there is no requirement for a statement of faith, thinks it may be "too much to ask" of group to let us in.

 

Dilemma--I don't want in. A group that has to consider if they want us in or not in these circumstances is not one I feel comfortable in entering. Every single parent and child will be sure to know that we are different, and, even if they are not unkind to my child, I suspect they will treat her differently. We have had horrible, and I do mean HORRIBLE, experiences with betrayals and mistreatment in the "name of Christ", especially in the last year and a half, and I don't think either of us can take anymore.

 

I have grown up around all different religions, went to church for years in NY when I didn't have a Hindu temple near me, and, for the first time in my life, can see myself developing a problem with Christians if things continue as they have been going for us, this is the type of prejudice we have been coming up against. I know it isn't at all what Christianity is about, it is the opposite, but we have had so many problems, so much hurt, it makes me cringe sometimes when someone brings up their religion to me in person now.

 

My dd was absolutely crushed when I told her about this tonight. She said nothing at first, thought about it, then came to me sobbing, begging me to let her play. She said she was certain they will let her in, that I have always told her Christians are wonderful people, as Christ was, and they won't turn her away, they aren't like the people who were mean to us, and will see there is nothing wrong with us. I told her I'm worried the kids will treat her differently, but she thinks they won't, or it won't matter.

 

So, now, I'm terrified they will say no, and she will be crushed, and have yet another event, related to Christianity, that has hurt her, which I can't stand. Or she will be accepted into the group, which might be worse.

 

Help???

[Joanne]

{{many hugs}}

 

The homeschooling community culture has not caught up with the expanding needs of a *variety* of families. As a sub culture, we still act quote homogeniously.

 

I respect the right of people to dictate their social, peer and extracurricular groups but I've found and experienced quite ironic situations contrasting stated values and actual behaviors.

 

I'm outside the homeschool norm myself. I hope that this resolves well for your dd. :confused::grouphug:

[camibami]

Oh my gosh-I am just heartsick about this for your DD!

 

Thats just...just...wow.

 

Can you contact the leader and explain the events of the past year (ie persecution/exclusion by Christians), and explain the extremely tight financial situation you are in, and those things combined make this pretty much the only option for your DD? Maybe talking to her/him one on one will take away the "other"-ness of being (gasp!) Hindu, and make you and DD more "real", as in what their exclusion means to a REAL, feeling child?

 

I just want to cry for your DD! Its just not fair!

[Unicorn.]

:grouphug: for both of you. I hope for your dd's sake, that they act like true Christians, and let her play. Then you and your dd can educate these poor souls about what it means to be "Christ-like". Ugh, people like this just make me angry. :angry:

 

I would let her play though. It sounds like she really wants this.

 

I'm so sorry for both of you. :grouphug: :grouphug:

[paula j]

That is just so wrong!:glare: If you lived near me I would definately welcome you and your dd in our group. Christians are supposed to spread God's word to all the nations, not push all the other nations away. I hope that they will let your dd in and be kind to her, it sounds like she wants to join so badly.:grouphug:

[3lilreds in NC]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Not again, eh?

 

I hope if they let her in that you *do* let her play. I believe, once they get to know your daughter, that they will not treat her any differently. I really believe that. It's easy for me to assume things of someone I don't know, but once I get to know them, I realize I was wrong. I had a real tendency, for example, to develop a negative attitude towards anyone of the Muslim faith after the terrorist attacks on the US in 2000. However, God put such wonderful people in my path, I could not help but love them. I came to realize that I couldn't let my heart be ruled by fear, you know? Don't YOU let your life be ruled by the fear of being hurt again. Don't hide from the stupid people. Simply show them by your grace how stupid they really are.

 

I hope they let her play. What is WRONG with these people? They've hardly asked your dd to lead a religion class, for Pete's sake. ;)

 

I believe it is time for you to move near me, my friend. I will not let anyone treat you like this. You and Aly can hang out with me and my girls.

[Linda...inOwasso]

I'm so sorry. I feel horrible for you and dd. I'm a Christian who disagrees strongly with homeschool groups whose policies exclude non-Christians. It's just such an anti-Christian thing to do. If Jesus didn't exclude non-believers... why would a group of women in denim jumpers think it's "Christ-like" for them to do it?!

 

Okay, that was snarky, but I'm tired of the cliquish little groups of home-schoolers who think labeling themselves as exlusively Christian makes them better than God's other creations. Quite an evangelism program... NOT! I'll keep you and your dd in my prayers and hopefully this group of small-minded people will "see the light."

 

My heart goes out to you!

[Greta]

Ugh, that is a tough situation. My dd was heartbroken when we got turned away from the first homeschooling group that we found, because I wouldn't sign a statement of faith. But I was forced to keep looking for other groups, and we ended up in a wonderful, inclusive community. We have made such good friends, I can't imagine what we'd do without this group now! So I am very glad we got turned away from a group that wouldn't have fit us well anyway, because it led to something so much better.

 

But since your dd has had so much hurt over this already, I hope this group will work out for her. Maybe that way she can heal some of the hurt feelings, and they can grow from the experience of realizing that Hindus are wonderful people too! I don't have any advice to offer, but just wanted you to know that you and Aly are in my thoughts.

[Zelda]

:grouphug:

 

I have no words.

[Mom to Aly]

Oh my gosh-I am just heartsick about this for your DD!

 

Thats just...just...wow.

 

Can you contact the leader and explain the events of the past year (ie persecution/exclusion by Christians), and explain the extremely tight financial situation you are in, and those things combined make this pretty much the only option for your DD? Maybe talking to her/him one on one will take away the "other"-ness of being (gasp!) Hindu, and make you and DD more "real", as in what their exclusion means to a REAL, feeling child?

 

I just want to cry for your DD! Its just not fair!

 

Camibami, thank you for your suggestions. My friend has spoken to her--she knows me well (my friend), and I'm sure presented all of this; my dilemma is that someone would be of such a mind that they would feel this way in the first place, or that their group would feel that way, it frightens me. My friend is not at all like this--she is fundamentalist Christian, extremely conservative, but very open-minded when it comes to knowing other people and exposing her children to them. We keep our beliefs and politics to ourselves, and it works wonderfully (hmmm, now why didn't I think of that here? ;)). I know her hs group is extremely devout and conservative, I guess I just thought they would be as open-minded as she, or I never would have allowed my daughter to even have a whiff of something like this.

 

This is the only group thing my dd has going this semester. We had two other things in the works, but they both have pretty much fallen apart, and that just makes this even more disappointing.

 

<sigh> Time for a profound statement--ready for it? Sometimes--life just SUCKS!!!! :(

[Jill- OK]

...consider letting her go, if they say yes.

 

I'm not trying to excuse the hurtfulness of the situation, but I am asking you to think about their reasoning, objectively, and not hold it against them. (Not easy to do when it comes to our kids, I know).

 

They've set up a group for a particular reason. Now, the person in charge is faced with a scenario that he/she didn't really plan on, and needs to think about it. It's understandable. It might seem harsh, but...I'm just trying to help you hope for the best; that this might still turn out to be a good situation, and just because they're wondering if they shouldn't stick to their original purpose doesn't mean they're evil people.

 

Please give them the benefit of the doubt, and if they say 'yes'...give this a chance to be a good thing, still.

 

I don't personally belong to any exclusive homeschool groups, but I do respect the right of anyone who's trying to garner a certain type of support to do that. (In other words, if a Hindu group popped up, and happened to have a really cool activity, I'd understand if they wanted to keep it a time/place for their kids to be around others who were walking a similar path).

 

I hope it's okay if I pray for your daughter. I can't stand to think of little girls--or Mommies--crying over situations like this. :-(

 

:grouphug:

[TXMomof4]

Alright, I totally agree that this is completely wrong. If there is no statement of faith required, they shouldn't even consider not letting your daughter play.

 

However,

 

I also understand the reason for Christian only groups if it is clearly stated that that is what the group is. Many homeschoolers do so for religious reasons first and foremost. They think by keeping their children away from alternate influences, they limit the risk that their children might grow away from Christ. While I'm certain that it limits the risks in the short run, the reality is these kids will make their own decisions in the long run. I personally believe that my children need to learn that people of other faiths are still people and just believe differently than I do, but I do *get* their idea of waiting until they are older and more firmly grounded in their beliefs before exposing them to alternatives. It's the same idea behind many parents reason for hsing in the first place.

 

:grouphug: I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter. Have you contacted a YMCA about a scholarship program maybe? Or even a city-run league? If *you* are uncomfortable about continuing in this situation it might be an option. Hug your daughter tight and tell her I'd be glad to have her on my team (except that my team only sits hereon the computer and read the WTM boards...not too exciting).

[Kay in Cal]

:grouphug: That is just... awful! I wouldn't want in either.

 

You sure you aren't around here? We have a great secular/mixed religion homeschool group. Open arms all around!

[emeraldjoy]

From the bottom of my heart I would like to offer a sincere apology for the sick misrepresentation of Jesus that is far, far too often seen. I think he is grieving for your family is far greater ways than these individuals could ever possibly understand.

 

The ignorance of their actions leading to a innocent child's broken heart is something they certainly should be made aware of....care to give me any contact information???!!!!!

 

Granted she is "allowed" (I hate to even think in such a way) I would let her play and use it as an opportunity to add a depth to her character that sometimes can only come from such trials, if you know what I mean. Use the situation as a tool and never hestiate to be the momma bear as often as neccesary throughout it!

 

You are in my thoughts and I hope you keep in touch as to the outcome. I firmly believe in Justice and that, in the end, it will prevail.

 

blessings.

e

[Zelda]

...consider letting her go, if they say yes.

 

I'm not trying to excuse the hurtfulness of the situation, but I am asking you to think about their reasoning, objectively, and not hold it against them. (Not easy to do when it comes to our kids, I know).

 

They've set up a group for a particular reason. Now, the person in charge is faced with a scenario that he/she didn't really plan on, and needs to think about it. It's understandable. It might seem harsh, but...I'm just trying to help you hope for the best; that this might still turn out to be a good situation, and just because they're wondering if they shouldn't stick to their original purpose doesn't mean they're evil people.

 

Please give them the benefit of the doubt, and if they say 'yes'...give this a chance to be a good thing, still.

 

I don't personally belong to any exclusive homeschool groups, but I do respect the right of anyone who's trying to garner a certain type of support to do that. (In other words, if a Hindu group popped up, and happened to have a really cool activity, I'd understand if they wanted to keep it a time/place for their kids to be around others who were walking a similar path).

 

I hope it's okay if I pray for your daughter. I can't stand to think of little girls--or Mommies--crying over situations like this. :-(

 

:grouphug:

 

Very good points that I had not considered...

[dangermom]

:grouphug: Oh, I feel terrible for your little girl! I'm so sorry; it's not like you haven't got enough to deal with.

 

FWIW, I would feel the same about not wanting to attend. I don't join groups that want statements of faith, and I don't want to hang out with people who act like that (lucky for me I guess, since they don't want me either--I don't fit their definition of Christian). But in this case, I hope that she can play and that you can feel safe doing it. (I would have to seriously grit my teeth to do this-- I know it's asking a lot! I would be scared to death too.)

 

I really hope this works out for you and that your daughter can do something fun and cheap this year with some really truly nice people--if not these folks, then someone else.

[anissarobert]

First of all :grouphug::grouphug:.

 

I thought this was just something that happened around here. I'm sad for your dd. We have had similar things happen to us and our friends. I have a good friend who is Buddhist and she had had many similiar experiences during her homeschooling career.

 

I have been working hard in my area to bridge gaps between the Christian groups and the more inclusive groups. It makes me sad, because like your dd, sometimes it is the children who are hurt.

 

I hope you find a way to work things out. If you are able to participate, you could use it as an opportunity to show them that you are normal too! Although, I understand why you would not want to participate. It is far easier to deal with the pain of exclusion when we are the ones being excluded.

 

Good luck.

[Mom to Aly]

[quote name=Jill' date=' OK;534779I don't personally belong to any exclusive homeschool groups, but I do respect the right of anyone who's trying to garner a certain type of support to do that. (In other words, if a Hindu group popped up, and happened to have a really cool activity, I'd understand if they wanted to keep it a time/place for their kids to be around others who were walking a similar path).

:grouphug:

 

First, I have to say, all of your kindnesses and beautiful words have had me crying for the last little while here--and not pretty crying, by the way!!! Icky, nose blowing, red eye crying!!! Ick!!!! So, thanks a lot, guys!!! ;) (BTW, don't know what I'd do without that winking smilie! She's my fave!)

 

Secondly, I have to respond to the above statement--if there were a Hindu group and someone wanted to join--they would be welcome with open arms! That is one of the reasons I am Hindu--we accept every single religion, person, race, whatever! We believe anything is possible, we don't condemn any faith, and accept everyone!

 

Also, although I do respond to religious questions here, and I have gotten to where I do say that I will pray for people and make religious statements here, it is the first time I have ever done that, and it is so unusual for me! In Hinduism, there is no such thing as evangelism. It is firmly believed that when you are ready, you will seek God. You need to have an inner desire, an inner calling to want to find God and religion, and I believe that firmly. I do not believe in trying to convert people, I don't believe in teaching others about your faith, except your own children. To me, religion is extremely subjective; I would feel wrong in teaching someone about my faith, as I am not a priest, and would be teaching my view of it.

 

That is part of why this whole thing bothers me; as my friend explained to this woman, I am the last person who would ever mention my faith to someone else, nor would my daughter. She said the only thing that might come up is that we are vegetarian, and there are vegetarian Christians; besides, we are vegetarians for moral reasons, not religious.

 

So, that is the whole, Hindu question. Had to comment on that. :D

 

Anyway, I have to go to bed, but do feel better, and will look back tomorrow for more wonderful words (so keep them coming please :001_smile:). I think you guys are right, I probably will let her play if they do let her in (and I do pray they let her in!). Although I am nervous...

 

Thank you, as always, for the advice and kindness....

[NorthwestMom]

I think you need to directly speak to the coach. There may be an innocent misunderstanding. Don't react until you know for certain that there is problem. Screw up your courage and give him a call!

[Zelda]

First, I have to say, all of your kindnesses and beautiful words have had me crying for the last little while here--and not pretty crying, by the way!!! Icky, nose blowing, red eye crying!!! Ick!!!! So, thanks a lot, guys!!! ;) (BTW, don't know what I'd do without that winking smilie! She's my fave!)

 

Secondly, I have to respond to the above statement--if there were a Hindu group and someone wanted to join--they would be welcome with open arms! That is one of the reasons I am Hindu--we accept every single religion, person, race, whatever! We believe anything is possible, we don't condemn any faith, and accept everyone!

 

Also, although I do respond to religious questions here, and I have gotten to where I do say that I will pray for people and make religious statements here, it is the first time I have ever done that, and it is so unusual for me! In Hinduism, there is no such thing as evangelism. It is firmly believed that when you are ready, you will seek God. You need to have an inner desire, an inner calling to want to find God and religion, and I believe that firmly. I do not believe in trying to convert people, I don't believe in teaching others about your faith, except your own children. To me, religion is extremely subjective; I would feel wrong in teaching someone about my faith, as I am not a priest, and would be teaching my view of it.

 

That is part of why this whole thing bothers me; as my friend explained to this woman, I am the last person who would ever mention my faith to someone else, nor would my daughter. She said the only thing that might come up is that we are vegetarian, and there are vegetarian Christians; besides, we are vegetarians for moral reasons, not religious.

 

So, that is the whole, Hindu question. Had to comment on that. :D

 

Anyway, I have to go to bed, but do feel better, and will look back tomorrow for more wonderful words (so keep them coming please :001_smile:). I think you guys are right, I probably will let her play if they do let her in (and I do pray they let her in!). Although I am nervous...

 

Thank you, as always, for the advice and kindness....

 

I think CribChick's post just made me think, what if they said, 'We've talked about it and we've made a huge mistake in being exclusionary. We would be honored to have you." That might make a difference. But so much would depend upon the approach and it would take away none of the sting you're feeling (rightfully) right now. It just gave me pause. I hope you feel better in the morning.

[Amy in Orlando]

I hope things work out for you and dd. I can kind of understand the statement of faith thing when it's a coop situation and parents and children are involved. When it's a mostly kid group, I don't get it. My sons have been lucky enough to participate in activities with kids of nearly every faith and also those who follow no specific faith and I think they've become better because of it. For sure, we have a great group of friends (kids and parents) because of these activities.

 

We're excluded from many of the local homeschool groups here (we're Catholic) but it's ok because this is mostly coop classes, not social stuff. (And, to be honest, it's ok because we've been doing this eight+ years and I've given up on being included in the "big" groups.)

 

I have my fingers crossed and I'll say a prayer that this group does the "Christian" thing and allows your daughter to participate. ((((()))))

[RenayofRohan]

:grouphug: You and your daughter are in my thoughts, and prayers, if that's cool with you. ;)

[TN Mama]

I hope for your dd's sake these people will not only allow her to participate but recognize how un-Christian they are being. Being a Christian, and in the majority where I live, I cannot begin to comprehend what it is like for you & your daughter, but I am sorry and my heart breaks for you.

Keep us posted.

[OhM]

Alright, I totally agree that this is completely wrong. If there is no statement of faith required, they shouldn't even consider not letting your daughter play.

 

However,

 

I also understand the reason for Christian only groups if it is clearly stated that that is what the group is. Many homeschoolers do so for religious reasons first and foremost. They think by keeping their children away from alternate influences, they limit the risk that their children might grow away from Christ. While I'm certain that it limits the risks in the short run, the reality is these kids will make their own decisions in the long run. I personally believe that my children need to learn that people of other faiths are still people and just believe differently than I do, but I do *get* their idea of waiting until they are older and more firmly grounded in their beliefs before exposing them to alternatives. It's the same idea behind many parents reason for hsing in the first place.

 

:grouphug: I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter. Have you contacted a YMCA about a scholarship program maybe? Or even a city-run league? If *you* are uncomfortable about continuing in this situation it might be an option. Hug your daughter tight and tell her I'd be glad to have her on my team (except that my team only sits hereon the computer and read the WTM boards...not too exciting).

 

 

I agree with everything Jill said!

 

And I hope they come around - it sounds like this group was not set up specifically to be exclusive, and now that they are faced with someone "outside their comfort zone", I hope they will rise to the occasion. If they are able to do that, I hope you're willing to give them another chance. (Though I understand completely why you would want to just walk away at this point.)

 

I'll have to go back to re-read, but did you say that you weren't contacted by the group officially, but that your friend brought the news to you? Might she be speaking too soon - passing on their thought process but not the decision? Hopefully, they come to a favorable decision for you, and they are horrified to find that you know that they were even considering excluding you.

 

Best wishes,

Michelle

[Danestress]

I understand why they might have concerns. I would have concerns if I were in charge of this program. My greatest concern would be *for* you - that some members would just treat you as "witnessing opportunity" and that this could quickly become obnoxious for you.

 

And for some Christians, evangelizing is a command from the Lord, so who am I to tell them that they can't try to convert you? I would want to tell them, "This isn't the appropriate place for that." But could I say that? Who am I to tell someone that they can't share their faith when Jesus never said any time or place was the wrong? I just don't know how I would manage to protect you from what would, no doubt, be sort of annoying for you.

 

There is great value to inter-faith groups. I want my children to know people from other faiths and to respect those faiths and respect the people who adhere to them. But I don't teach my children that all faiths are equally valid, because I don't believe that. I believe that there is universal truth, and that Jesus is the truth and the way. I just also teach them to listen and learn and be respectful of others. In order to have a really good inter-faith group, the participants have to agree upfront that while they might individually believe that they have the "truth," they need to not try to convert other members. Sometimes we choose to be in that situation.

 

But other times we choose to be in groups where we can just freely admit that we believe in Jesus as a savior, and that we believe everyone needs that salvation. People coming into this group are assuming that it's the latter type of group.

 

I think you have to first decide if you even want to do this. If you do, I think you should email the lady in charge and tell her how much you want to participate, how little you want to challenge any one else's faith, and acknowledge that you realize this wasn't intended as an interfaith group - that most of those coming in haven't pledged to put aside evangalism, so that you understand that you might hear a lot about Jesus, and that this is okay with you. You won't pretend to believe, but you also won't be outraged by the reality that this is a Christian group.

 

Maybe if you just are really honest and kind in your email, her concerns will seem much less important? Or ask if you can at least try it and see how things work out.

 

But if you don't want to do it, then just honestly tell your daughter that this is a Christian group and that the people there are going to pray and witness and share the word, and that you aren't comfortable with that.

[ma23peas]

Please share with us the updates as this goes along..and please take to heart that every Christian out there loves you greatly...sometimes our humanity takes over and we let that side come forth more easily.

 

I see two issues here, it may/may not be the 'upper management' having a problem with this, it may be just one or two families and your friend is trying to appease them early on so as not to 'ruffle feathers'...but Jesus was all about ruffling feathers...consider the Pharisees shocked that children would be praising God and running in the streets...that just wasn't tolerated...but Jesus said otherwise.

 

The other issue is one of frustration. For too long Christianity has been abused in our society. This country was created on a Christian foundation, folks came here to avoid religious persecution...not of the right to worship any God but how they worshiped one God. With groups opposed to Christian theology or claiming separation of church and state...many Christians feel their freedom to express their faith in many avenues of their life have been muffled or silenced. I know in my area that there are many groups/clubs that say they're Christian at the core, but that ANYONE is welcome as long as they know ahead of time there will be prayer and there will be praise...I, as a parent, am always looking for ways for my children to express their faith freely...by action and/or by words.

 

You're not sure whose 'actions' these are that made this mom make that statement, you have a right to know and I'm praying she will be forthright and clear....your daughter will have a blast whether she's Hindu, Buddhist or Christian...she needs that!

 

But, please, don't shed any more tears over this, show your daughter that she can handle anything...and that your faith in humans is greater than your fear that they'll fail you as they have in the past. Tears of joy are different, let those roll! :)

 

Keep us updated!!

 

Tara

[Pata]

I'm so sorry, this breaks my heart.

[JFSinIL]

Where is this group held? If it is in a public place like the local rec. center they may not be allowed to discriminate on a religious basis. BUT - I also would not want to place my kid in a situation where the bulk of the other kids are made to feel she is different and needs "saving".

[lynn]

To be quite honest many in the church do not always treat others within their congregation with love and acceptance. I have been crushed many times by the church and I thought I was one of them. I truly hope this group is different and you do find genuine love and acceptance you desire for your daughter so she will be able to be part of this team.

[elegantlion]

I hope you are able to resolve this quickly. My heart hurts for you. They are forgetting to look at this teenage girl first and see her needs, not her religion.

 

I also agree this should be a none issue for them, especially since no statement of faith was required. :grouphug:

[Osmosis Mom]

away. This is not a place I'd want my kids in. And this goes for whatever the reason to have to second-guess whether they "want me in or not". No way, Jose.

 

As you said, you are at a point in your life when you don't want to deal with this sort of pettiness. If a public group has to consider whom to admit, then walk. The same way if it was even a formal "inclusive" co-op and you go there, week after week, your kids have no pals and you get to talk to the wall. Not worth it.

 

Find a place where you are welcome. They ahve got to be there. You are in NYC? Someone, somewhere must be there. Set up your own signs at the libraries.

 

Your dd is sad, heartbroken, but that's life. And better now, than feeling truly excluded in everyone's face or having her self-esteen go down when it starts feeling personal.

 

She wants sports....YMCA's usually have some scholarship programs as do some other places. Have you absolutely looked everywhere? What about looking into having her join the public school's RE program? Something. I feel abd about this sort of pitful situation where they have to "consdier" whether to admit you.

 

And for the record, then I have walked this line for years. I have blatantly been refused entry or ignored which was fine when I found out thpse were exclusive groups (fair enough). I was then in rural Upstate NY where there was nobody except Christian hs'ers. However, I also emailed back and forth with a Christian group that had no problem extending a regular open arm to us (but we never went as were then were moving). It is nasty to get mistreated due to your religion. I tried that at some other Christian places, thinking a publicly announced event was open to us all. It has made me a lot more cautious with me now even never considering going or going if getting a personal invite only. Perhaps this makes sense to the Christians, but I am relaly not trying to impede on others' spaces, just attend some fairly publc events (apparently public!!). So you learn, and start ebcoming very careful about ever joining other hs'ers if they are not explicitly inclusive (which usually means unschoolers in the Northeast!).

[laughing lioness]

:grouphug:I hope that your heart heals.

I have been a Chrisitan for over 20 years. The past 4 years I have led a lot of homeschooling activities, started them, poured my heart into them, created experiences and groups that did not exist. I have never led a group that has been exclusive but we have always had clear statements and expressions of faith. All people are welcome if they respect that. Frankly, my kids and I have both been treated horribly by some of the poeple that we have served. Served as in, we have poured our money, curriculum, time, and hearts into their children and families. Just this spring 2 very painful situations came up because of people's selfish, self-satisfied ideas. I don't think I'm over it yet. All of that to say; people are people, regardless of whether they are Christian, or Hindu or Pagen. We are all in the process of figuring it out, we are all on the journey. I know that God is going to use this experience to grow these other people as well as you and your dd. I hope that Love will prevail. :grouphug:

[Country Girl]

I am very sorry for what you are going through and the hurt is is causing you and your dd. :grouphug:

 

I also wanted to add that I am extremely impressed with your op and your ability to stay open minded about Christianity and Christians.... to see beyond imperfect Christians and realize that we don't always (very seldom) represent who Christ actually is. Thank you!

[8filltheheart]

If the group says yes, I would go. We have been in the exact same position numerous times. Bigotry exists from ignorance. Show up. Be respectful and polite. Let them witness silent dignity and silent witness to your own beliefs. You don't know the number of people that will re-evaluate their own beliefs inwardly simply b/c they have their own perspectives challenged by observation.

 

We have been in similar situations continuously. Anti-Catholic sentiment was extremely high where we lived (in the heart of 7th Day Adventists and many Baptist congregations. That may not mean anything to you, but 7th Day Adventists believe that the Catholic Church is the whore of Babylon and the mark of the beast. Billboards were plastered along the roads saying as much) We would go anyway. I am perfectly convicted in my beliefs. I don't feel the slightest bit threatened by theirs. Nor do I feel the need to share what we believe with them. We would go and simply participate in the activities. We would be friendly, and in return, they were friendly.

 

Over time we became friends with many families. To the point that eventually discussions of beliefs did take place. Bigotry was the only thing that had a demise. ;) Many of them would no longer participate in groups that restricted participation to the "like-minded."

 

If I had conceded before we even went, I would have been equally guilty of not respecting the fact that the different groups had functioned in the past in a certain way. I saw it more as members were being respected by the leader by having the discussion about and it ultimately protected our participation b/c it could not be made an issue of later on.

 

Honestly, from my perspective, if they say yes and are open, then the burden of being equally open and respectful falls on you. They are allowing for change within their group and you may open doors for lots of others to join. If they do invite you and you turn them down, they may not be as open in the future.

[Remudamom]

Well, if it's any consolation, we Christians can be just as ugly to other Christians. People are people. My girls came into contact with the nastiest little thing in a skirt they ever met in our Christian co op.

 

Doesn't make it right or easy though.

 

I can understand why some want a statement of faith signed. I guess they want a safe place for them where they can all be confident they're on the same page. But for you and your dds sake I hope this group will work out for you. Hugs to your dd.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

:grouphug:Mom to Aly:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It's painful. Unfortunately, a lot of people, including myself, can relate to this type of behavior. I'm so sorry.

 

If I were near you, your dd and my dc could play together and have a wonderful time! I would stand up for you being able to participate. There are other Christians out there who would do the same, but, unfortunately, they are sometimes bullied by those like the ones you are dealing with right now. It happens in the church as well as in other parts of life. It's not right no matter what.

 

If they wanted it to be exclusively Christian, they should have had a statement of faith. When it comes to sports, however, I don't see why it should matter. That's just my opinion, but, I know I'm not alone.

 

I hope you can find another group if this one doesn't work out. If they do allow you in, go and be your lovely self. Likely there are a few in the group who would welcome you.:grouphug:

[HRAAB]

I am so sorry for what you have gone through and what you are going through again. I have experienced more than my fair share of the same, and it is not pleasant. But it is hardest on the children. If they say OK, I would probably let my dd go and keep my eyes open. Give them a chance to realize how wrong they were, you know. I wouldn't stand for any proselytizing and condemnation, though.

 

Other than that, I wish you lived nearby and we could start our own group. We are in desperate need of an all-inclusive homeschool group in my area. I'm not much of a starter, but I'm a great worker.

 

Oh, and I didn't realize you were Hindu. My 'most favorite cousin' was Hindu. I loved her so much. She was the kindest, most loving and charitable person I've ever known. She, in my estimation, was Christian in the best sense of the word - for me anyway. (not speaking from a theological standpoint - just based on action) So I understand when you say a Hindu group would never turn anyone away. In fact, that is how she came to be Hindu. They welcomed her when her fellow Christians did not.

 

I hadn't thought about her in a while, and your post reminded me how much I miss her. You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Janet

[threetreasurs]

:grouphug:Sorry . . .

[*anj*]

K-

I don't know what to tell you about this situation. It is just really, really bad and mean. And I am so sorry. Please accept my apology on behalf of all "Christians" who treat non-Christians like they have the Plague and then wonder why people don't like us. I am in tears just reading your post. (Well, it doesn't take much for me to be in tears today, but this just makes it worse.)

 

I don't know what you can do for Aly as far as finding another team, but even if they say they'll take her, I wouldn't send her there. I think your internal thermometer is right when you sense that she'd be treated differently.

 

As for the feelings that she has about Christians, just please encourage her to think of us the way that we think of all other groups. There are kind pagans and mean pagans. There are kind Muslims and mean Muslims, nice Buddhists and not so nice. And on and on it goes. Unfortunately for you guys you've had to deal with an awful lot of mean-spirited "Christians", but you know that just as with any other group we aren't all the same.

 

I'm so sorry your baby has to deal with this. It's just more carp that you and she have to handle, and it's just wrong. :grouphug:

[Parrothead]

BTDT Not because we aren't Christians, but because we are the wrong kind of Christians.

 

I wish I had some words of advice or comfort for you and Aly. All I have is anger over these types of people. How dare they! Don't they realize that if What's-His-Face hadn't been told to go preach the Word of Christ to the Gentiles they would probably be dancing skyclad around a bonfire or worshiping many gods? (Depending on their family's origins of course.) What narrow-minded people stuck in their own insular world.

 

Okay, turning the rant off now.

 

:grouphug: I hope things work out to what is best for you and Aly.

 

My apologies to St. Paul. I was too upset to properly remember his name.

[Mom to Aly]

I found out this morning--I had to call my friend, I think she was avoiding me. And for those who thought it was perhaps that she wasn't being persistant enough, or something like that--simply, you don't know her. She is beyond honest, so thoughtful--all of the things a Christian should be. I know she would and did everything she could to kindly and correctly represent us. But the group gave us a "vehement" no (it took a lot of prodding to get that--but, as I said, my friend will not lie).

 

It took me all day to tell my dd. And, so you know, I have not let her see my tears. Since she has been ill, I have let her enjoy herself in her room, gamecube and reading, and if I don't mention school, she doesn't show her face ;). So I sat here crying all day, trying to figure out how to tell her. I finally did, and she burst into tears, saying "How can they think badly of us when they don't know us?". Now, my dd is so mature, so sensible, you would have to know her to understand how badly she feels to say things like that.

 

Anyway, I have been looking all day, finally found another sports club near here with the same sport on Sat, so my sis could take us, but it would cost over $145 for her to join and get the uniform, and there is no way--my sis said she can't lend us the money, which it would take us months to pay back. This does make me a bit angry, since my sis goes to Starbucks for a latte at least twice a day and blows money left and right, but I know that is unkind, but that is how I feel right now--quite unkind. But my sister has the view that I "did this to myself" when I decided to homeschool, and sees things like this as a "lesson" for me and my daughter, sort of an "I told you so". Some of you mentioned the Y--the prob is that I don't have a car, and my friend was going to take us with her to the other event.

 

I am just so stunned by all of this. For those who missed it, the first thing I asked was if there was a statement of faith, and there was none. I am just blown away. As so many of you said, this is the opposite of what Christ would have wanted, would have done.

 

When things like this happen, I always think of a quote, and know exactly how it was meant, although I am sure there are people who would misunderstand it. It is from Gandhi, when he first met Winston Churchill, and Churchill says something about Christians to him, and Gandhi replies, "I like your Christ, I do not your Christians, your Christians are so unlike your Christ, but I do like your Christ.". I know exactly how he felt, at least about some of them.

[Mesa]

Oh wow I am so sorry. Is there a homeschool group you could join? Our group has PE classes put on by the local boys and girls club 3 times a week. We cant wait for it to start back up here in a few weeks.

[elegantlion]

I believe Christ extended a hand to lift people up, not to push them down. I am sorry this has happened to you. :grouphug: I know your kind and loving thoughts and words will lift your daughter's heart in time.

 

In the end it doesn't sound like the group you'd want to be a part of anyway.

[HRAAB]

I am so sorry. I've seen this happen too many times. Actions like this seem fear based. Instead of resting surely in their faith, they're afraid of anything different. It makes me wonder if we've become more divided along religious lines?

 

As for your sister not approving of homeschooling, this could happen at school also. Granted, there were would be much more diversity, but there still would be pockets of this type of fear. Especially if you live in a highly populated Christian area.

 

Are there no secular groups in your area? We had one secular group and it died out within a few months due to lack of interest.

 

This has just made me truly sad.

 

Janet

[farmgirlinwv]

If you lived in SW Va I'd come and take her. :) I'm so sorry for you both. It's so much worse when your child is disappointed, than when you are personally. I'll pray that another path opens to you and your dd.

 

Lisa

[hsmamainva]

I'm so sorry!!!!! Please give your dd a :grouphug: from my family!!!!

 

And the Ghandi quote is very telling, isn't it? I have a good friend who lives in Maryland and she has a bumper sticker on her car that reads: "I love Jesus -- it's his followers that I can't stand".

 

What a terrible, terrible thing for them to do!!! Makes me wonder if that's why they're homeschooling....to shield their children from people who aren't like them. I feel sorry for their children. They'll have to grow up one day and go to work in the "real world", where there are Muslims and Hindi and Pagans and Athiests and Agnostics and Jews (I could go on and on and on) and they're not going to have a clue how to show respect to anyone who isn't like them.

 

Just sad, sad, sad. :(

[OnTheBrink]

I'm really sorry. :grouphug:

[TraceyS/FL]

I"m sorry that you and your DD have been subjected to this :(

 

I hope you are able to find something for her that works with the various issues going on. I'm sorry to hear about a group that would exclude a child without at least meeting with them. Our group is great (secular) - but i have to drive 60 miles to join in with them. That doesn't happen very often these days.

 

:grouphug:

[Unicorn.]

I feel the same way as Ghandi. I am so, so sorry, for you and your dd both. I wished you lived here. (((Aly and mom)))

[Dayle in Guatemala]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry. I prayed for you this morning that it would work for you all. It's sad that it has come to this. Unfortunately, that Ghandi quote is, at times, true. We are all human and don't always represent Christ the way we should. I'm sure he's sad at times by the way I represent him, but, I try.

 

I'll be praying that you find something else that works for you and your dd.:grouphug: