My dd is heartbroken and I am in a crisis!

[Jill- OK]

And, quite frankly, while I always say things to myself like what your sister said ("Well, you did it to yourself when you decided to homeschool/have so many kids/etc.")...it doesn't irk me any less when someone else says stuff like that. How in the world does that help anything?!

 

I'm sorry that making (IMO) a great decision for your daughter hasn't been given more support.

 

I know this is a great place to come, virtually, and receive encouragement...but this is one of those times when it would be neat for this interaction to be happening in real life, so that our kids could be shooting hoops while we chatted. :-(

 

I'm truly sorry it didn't work out.

[8filltheheart]

I think you should post to the local loop and ask for recommendations for cheap activities w/o statements of faith since it is secular. I know at least one atheist on that list personally as well as several members that are not Christian. Perhaps the best approach for you to take is to simply seek out activities associated with the secular group.

 

It does surprise me in some respects b/c this is the first place we have ever lived where I have yet to encounter even one religious statement of faith. (Hence my involvement with atheists, Jews, Catholics, Protestants, liberals, and conservatives all in the same location enjoying each others company.) It make take you some research, but I am sure you will find activities.

[sassenach]

Wow, that's just stunning to me. I am so, so sorry. Truly.

[magistramom]

I am so incredibly sad for you and your dd! :grouphug:

 

To evangelize is to spread the word out and into to the world through words and actions - not shut yourselves in and away from it. What are you suppose to do now? Go to the park (event, booth, etc.) and watch them "be examples" from the sideline?

 

I think you should lobby them. SoF are fine for leadership to have and to sign to have a word. It is the leadership that will keep the boat afloat through all the waves.

 

Members however, should be allowed to experience a ride one the boat. They don't have to captain it - just go along for the ride. Attrition will naturally happen if the boat is steered too tightly for some.

 

Remember CS Lewis and those rings... and the teachings of Aristotle on friendship. Peace, Aly.

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm sorry. That really stinks. :( :grouphug:

[Mom0012]

I would write a letter to the person who organized the group and let them know how much they have hurt your daughter. It is one thing if they wanted a Christian-only group for whatever reason, but to allow you to join and then push you out is absolutely obnoxious.

 

Lisa

[Mad Jenny Flint]

I'm sorry that anyone is treated this way at this time, in this country.

[Stacia]

:grouphug: for both of you.

[Mom to Aly]

Thank you all, so much. Yes, we belong to a secular group, and used to have activities. Unfortunately, the head of it recently took over a new thing that charges for everything, and she is turning this into a paying job for her, so we don't have free activities left anymore. I tried to get two going, but they didn't work. Plus, one of the big betrayals was a family in our homeschooling group, last year, a fam I did a ton for, that we later found out was using us, and talking behind our back, telling everyone how horrible we were because we were "****ed to hell" because we weren't Christian; we found out because one of the kids told my daughter she was going to hell! I let the woman have it, and she had been giving us rides to our co-op and group; she refused to let us ride with her, and we stopped going. She apparently told some people (who didn't know us well) a bunch of lies about why we stopped going, and I got an email, out of the blue, a few months later, from someone I barely knew, about how horrible we were, and we should just quit the group, no one could stand us. I emailed some friends, who said that wasn't true, and finally found out what had happened.

 

Anyway, I'm just getting involved a little in this group again, because it is the only secular one around, but it is really hard to.

 

Add to that, my best friend of 13 years suddenly, with no warning, called me up one day about a year and a half ago, actually, right after what had happened with that family (and she knew all that), and told her Christ was leading her away from me, she felt she couldn't remain friends with someone who wasn't Christian. She was my daughter's godmother, I am her daughter's godmother. This is a woman who is in bed a lot of the time due to back injuries. I had done her grocery shopping, all errands, taken her daughter to all activies for years and years. I had cancelled a free vacation with my fam the year before so that I could stay home with her so her husband and daughter could go on a vacation they planned just before I was supposed. You cannot imagine the number of sacrifices I made for this woman, which I never minded, because I loved her, considered her closer than a sister, and then she did this one day--I still feel, honestly, in a way, this was a worse betrayal than my xh. And, when I told my dd, she called up to say goodbye to her, and my friend said "Fine, bye," and hung up on her! I just thank goodness my goddaughter turned 18 a few months later so she could then see us. But my goddaughter says she still doesn't understand why her mom did it.

 

Anyway, that is my whole sad tale.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I'm so sorry. :grouphug:

[Twinmom]

...Gandhi replies, "I like your Christ, I do not your Christians, your Christians are so unlike your Christ, but I do like your Christ."

 

Well, I'm a Christian and I have to admit that there are some Christians that I don't like much, either. I'd have to include these folks in that assessment. Shame on them!

 

If it had been my decision or the decision of my hs group, it would have gone differently. In fact, I can definitively say that I/we would have viewed it as a ministry to you in your current financial situation...a way to be Christ to you, not just talk Christ! They/I would see it as a way to walk out our faith instead of just talk about it, evangelism not being a factor. The Christ that I know would also have been happy to have you. When He came to Jerusalem, the Christ that I know chose to sup with the "sinners" of the day (not calling you one...it was the Biblical term used to describe how the religious leaders felt about those who didn't do their bidding!) rather than sup with the Pharisees...see the story of Zacchaeus if you want to read proof! Christ would embrace you, welcome you and your daughter to the group and love you for who you are regardless of the label you've chosen for yourself. The Christ that I know was famous for snubbing the religious leaders of the day and reaching out to those in need regardless of their background. We are commanded to be like Christ, so as I said before, shame on them! :mad:

 

Ultimately, this comes down to a bunch of scaredy cats who are demonstrating a lack of trust in God...a lack of trust that the foundation they have laid for their children will bear fruit, a lack of willingness to be outside their comfort zone for the sake of Christ's name, a desire to serve self instead of others.

 

If I could slap them for you, I'd gladly do it. As it stands, I hope that you will accept hugs and prayers from this Christian for you, your daughter and your healing from this experience.

[unsinkable]

I found out this morning--I had to call my friend, I think she was avoiding me. And for those who thought it was perhaps that she wasn't being persistant enough, or something like that--simply, you don't know her. She is beyond honest, so thoughtful--all of the things a Christian should be. I know she would and did everything she could to kindly and correctly represent us. But the group gave us a "vehement" no (it took a lot of prodding to get that--but, as I said, my friend will not lie).

 

It took me all day to tell my dd. And, so you know, I have not let her see my tears. Since she has been ill, I have let her enjoy herself in her room, gamecube and reading, and if I don't mention school, she doesn't show her face ;). So I sat here crying all day, trying to figure out how to tell her. I finally did, and she burst into tears, saying "How can they think badly of us when they don't know us?". Now, my dd is so mature, so sensible, you would have to know her to understand how badly she feels to say things like that.

 

Anyway, I have been looking all day, finally found another sports club near here with the same sport on Sat, so my sis could take us, but it would cost over $145 for her to join and get the uniform, and there is no way--my sis said she can't lend us the money, which it would take us months to pay back. This does make me a bit angry, since my sis goes to Starbucks for a latte at least twice a day and blows money left and right, but I know that is unkind, but that is how I feel right now--quite unkind. But my sister has the view that I "did this to myself" when I decided to homeschool, and sees things like this as a "lesson" for me and my daughter, sort of an "I told you so". Some of you mentioned the Y--the prob is that I don't have a car, and my friend was going to take us with her to the other event.

 

I am just so stunned by all of this. For those who missed it, the first thing I asked was if there was a statement of faith, and there was none. I am just blown away. As so many of you said, this is the opposite of what Christ would have wanted, would have done.

 

When things like this happen, I always think of a quote, and know exactly how it was meant, although I am sure there are people who would misunderstand it. It is from Gandhi, when he first met Winston Churchill, and Churchill says something about Christians to him, and Gandhi replies, "I like your Christ, I do not your Christians, your Christians are so unlike your Christ, but I do like your Christ.". I know exactly how he felt, at least about some of them.

 

 

:grouphug <------ that's all I can do even though it seems so lamely inadequate.

 

I'm so sorry and I wish there is something I could do.

[Mekanamom]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[mysticamethyst]

I am very sad to hear your dd will not be allowed to play; very sad really. However, here in TX, there are scholarships for children whose parents cannot afford the fees, this means you will have to volenteer for something but your dd would be able to play. I am not sure if that happens in your area but something to look into anyway.:grouphug:

[8filltheheart]

Why don't you post and ask if anyone who lives near you is participating in the different clubs that are taking place at the libraries and might be able to give you a ride. Those activities are all free and secular.

 

ETA: Or you could ask the "paying to participate group" if you could do janitorial/cleaning services in exchange for allowing your dd to participate in one of the classes. Maybe they would barter for tuition.

[Laurie]

 

 

 

Anyway, I have been looking all day, finally found another sports club near here with the same sport on Sat, so my sis could take us, but it would cost over $145 for her to join and get the uniform, and there is no way--my sis said she can't lend us the money, which it would take us months to pay back. This does make me a bit angry, since my sis goes to Starbucks for a latte at least twice a day and blows money left and right, but I know that is unkind, but that is how I feel right now--quite unkind. But my sister has the view that I "did this to myself" when I decided to homeschool, and sees things like this as a "lesson" for me and my daughter, sort of an "I told you so". Some of you mentioned the Y--the prob is that I don't have a car, and my friend was going to take us with her to the other event.

 

 

When things like this happen, I always think of a quote, and know exactly how it was meant, although I am sure there are people who would misunderstand it. It is from Gandhi, when he first met Winston Churchill, and Churchill says something about Christians to him, and Gandhi replies, "I like your Christ, I do not your Christians, your Christians are so unlike your Christ, but I do like your Christ.". I know exactly how he felt, at least about some of them.

 

I don't think it's fair the way you're blaming other people from Christians to your own sister. If there's another sports club that your dd could join isn't there anything you could do to earn the money like babysitting in your home or something? I don't know where you live, but is there public transportation that you could use instead of expecting/relying on someone else to drive you?

 

I have to ask about your role in all of this as the parent? Maybe if you could look beyond what you expect from others and instead expect more from yourself you wouldn't have to disappoint your dd. I know this sounds very harsh, but this is my reaction to your post. (And if it makes you feel any better I feel insulted by the Gandhi quote--or I "misunderstand" it--- but you're entitled to express your feelings just as I have done. )

 

I've never been part of any "exclusive" groups, FWIW, but I'm not against them. As long as Christians have been vilified here , let me play the devil's advocate. Maybe it would be fair to question the sincerity of your motives in wanting to join the Christian group in the first place. Obviously you aren't interested in the Christian aspect of it, but you did mention that it's cheaper and you'd get a ride. I don't know the people involved or anything about this group, but I would honestly have some reservations about someone who rejects the religious part but wants to join because of economics/logistics.

[Greta]

Oh, Kiran, I am just so so so sorry for your precious dd that she is missing out on something she wants so much to do. I want very much to say something comforting, but everything that's coming to mind seems cheesy and cliche. So, inadequate though it may be, just know that my dd and I are sending hugs for you and your dd.

[kalanamak]

I know it is trite, but she's better off away from people like that....or perhaps just a leader like that. Isn't it amazing what people will do to children?

[Tammy]

I am going to have to agree with you, Laurie! I can't imagine 'expecting' the sister to pay because she 'maybe has extra money'. Why should she have to spend that extra money on your child? If you can't afford something....then you can't afford it....but....don't expect everyone else to pay your way.

[TN Mama]

:grouphug: I am stunned. I could tell from your post how your heart was aching for your dd and also how her heart was breaking. My hope is that something wonderful will come of this, what, I don't know. I'm just so sorry. :(

[dangermom]

I'm so sorry for what your daughter is going through. :( I'm afraid I haven't got great words of comfort, though. Just :grouphug:

[Zelda]

:grouphug:

[Murphy101]

count me in with laurie and tammy.

 

I don't get it.:confused:

 

It's a christian group and if one of the main reasons they formed a group is to offer support and fellowship for christian hs-ers - then it makes sense they'd only want christians in the group/team. It does not mean they hate her or her faith at all. They are just safe-guarding their haven of christian support. There's nothign unchristian about that.

 

Your sister can buy a latte if she feels like it with her money. Why should she have to budget for your dd's extracurriculiar activities? Trying to make her feel guilty might have a lot more to do with her negative attitude about your homeschooling than the actual homeschooling itself.

 

I'm sorry you are without a car and funds and thus your dd can't get on a team. My kids aren't on any teams or outside extracurriculiars this year. We just can't afford it. Even if we could afford the activity, I can't afford the gas. (It's not cheap filling up a 12 passenger van!) It's not the end of the world. We're finding plenty of other things to do. Inviting friends over for a movie/game night. Riding bikes to the park to feed the ducks. Making tents out sheets all over the house. And we have more family time and can get more academics done too. When our finances are better, we'll look into extracurriculiar stuff again.

[mcconnellboys]

I don't have any helpful suggestions. I just wish you lived near here and you could be in *all* the different group things we do. We don't disqualify anyone for any reason. I'm sorry. Sending good thoughts your way,

[lovemyboys]

So you learn, and start ebcoming very careful about ever joining other hs'ers if they are not explicitly inclusive (which usually means unschoolers in the Northeast!).

 

Yes. You're exactly right, along the East coast anyway.

 

We've been welcomed with open arms by Christians who didn't know anything about our affiliations and ignored by the "inclusive" unschoolers, in various circumstances. Strange.

 

Hoping that things will work out for your dd. She may be right in hoping for the best, especially since her friends will be there to help smooth the way with the group a bit. :grouphug:

 

ETA: I'm finding that as dss get older, it's been worth for us to search out the groups/activities that will be a good fit for us, even if it takes a little longer than we'd have liked.

[Mom to Aly]

To Martha, Tammy & Laurie:

 

I never made my sister feel guilty! I asked her if I could borrow the money, she said no, that was it! I was upset because she knows we have no other extra curricular activities, no real way to get to any, and my daughter and I have been isolated for more than a year, with no real contact with any children, so I was hoping this year would be different! And, yes, I was hoping for more from family, especially when I know that family does have plenty of disposable income!

 

 

And then you question my motives in wanting to go there? Well, not only was it affordable, which is essential, but also we could get there, which is also essential! I'm sure you find that is so for yourself as well--plus our friend and her children were in it! When I first found out about it, I didn't know there was any problem. Afterwards, my daughter was already counting on it. It seems you haven't been reading what I wrote, or ignoring it. I certainly had no ulterior motive in this, except to get my daughter into a sport activity, that I thought would be fun for her. We have done group activities before that were sponsored by Christian groups and not had a problem. I guess they were more open minded than the ones you are used to.

 

As for the Gandhi quote, yes, I believe you did misunderstand. The point is--people like this are not acting as Christ did, or would. And, so you know, I did not write this thread to villify anyone--I never criticized those people. I understood their right to do what they did--I was concerned about my daughter, and looking for support and help with that situation. Period. And I do so appreciate the support I have gotten from the rest of you. Given in a true Christian spirit :).

[melissel]

I've never been part of any "exclusive" groups, FWIW, but I'm not against them. As long as Christians have been vilified here , let me play the devil's advocate. Maybe it would be fair to question the sincerity of your motives in wanting to join the Christian group in the first place. Obviously you aren't interested in the Christian aspect of it, but you did mention that it's cheaper and you'd get a ride. I don't know the people involved or anything about this group, but I would honestly have some reservations about someone who rejects the religious part but wants to join because of economics/logistics.

 

So no one should be interested in doing anything with a group of a different faith, and if they do, their motives are suspect? I've been invited by Christians to join along in the activities of HSing groups that are primarily Christian. Should I suspect their motives as well? Are they planning to attempt to convert me? What a sad commentary you're offering. I guess we really should all just keep to ourselves then.

 

Also, if their primary goal is to include only Christians, then why wouldn't they have a statement of faith? I think that's kind of disingenuous, no?

 

I'm so angered by this thread, I can't even express it. I guess I'd better my inform my playgroup members that next week they'll have to be prepared to find a new, Christian-based playgroup farther away, since I don't want them to bring their religious views to my secular playgroup just because we're conveniently located for them.

[Murphy101]

To Martha, Tammy & Laurie:

 

I never made my sister feel guilty! I asked her if I could borrow the money, she said no, that was it! I was upset because she knows we have no other extra curricular activities, no real way to get to any, and my daughter and I have been isolated for more than a year, with no real contact with any children, so I was hoping this year would be different! And, yes, I was hoping for more from family, especially when I know that family does have plenty of disposable income!

 

I still don't see why you are upset with her. How "disposable" her money is to YOU might be far different than how disposable she thinks it is! Why are you upset that someone else doesn't want to pay for your dd's extracurriculiars? That's their perrogative. Sure it'd be nice if they did it. No argument there. But you are not justified in getting angry at someone for not giving you their money!

 

The point is--people like this are not acting as Christ did, or would. And, so you know, I did not villify anyone. I wrote here for some support and empathy--and I do so appreciate the support I have gotten from the rest of you. Given in a true Christian spirit :).

 

Apparently you think acting like Christ did or would means giving you money and doing what you want. :glare:

 

I don't think Christ would have a problem understanding christians needing to seek support from other christians and thus creating groups that meet that need for themselves and their kids. They are not acting unchristian by seeking and safe-guarding such a group.

 

To YOU the main reason for this team is just a cheap easy to get to sport for your dd.

 

To the christian group though, it may very well be the majority of the members join it because they want a group of christian fellowship for their children. The sport aspect might be far from the main goals/reason they are there. Therefore they rightly expect to not have non-christians in a group billed as being for supporting christians.

 

I can have complete sympathy for your situation and for being odd one out. Catholics aren't exactly welcomed with open arms either a lot of the time. But I totally disagree with the sense of entitlement you seem to have your family members' money, esp when it's for somethign that is not a need. I also think it's okay for some groups to feel a desire to be exclusive. If the goal is to focus on supporting a certain common aspect of members, then that's understandable. I don't think that just because a group has some activity that I want to to do, that they are unchristian just because they don't include me.:confused:

[melissel]

Apparently you think acting like Christ did or would means giving you money and doing what you want. :glare:

 

Wow, that's quite a stretch. Christ wasn't about sacrifice for others? That's news to me.

 

I don't think Christ would have a problem understanding christians needing to seek support from other christians and thus creating groups that meet that need for themselves and their kids. They are not acting unchristian by seeking and safe-guarding such a group.

 

Well, it's true, Christian homeschoolers ARE so few and far between that fellowship can be hard to garner.

 

Again, I ask, if your goal is strictly Christian fellowship in all aspects of your group, why NOT have a statement of faith? Why NOT answer Kiran accurately when she first asked if there was a statement of faith to be signed? Why allow them to join in the first place? Is a little compassion so hard to muster that they can't let the poor heathens just follow through with the one session they let them sign up for under apparently false pretenses? Good grief.

[Murphy101]

Also, if their primary goal is to include only Christians, then why wouldn't they have a statement of faith? I think that's kind of disingenuous, no?

 

Not neccessarily. they were billed as a christian group. enough that she knew it going in...

 

It is a devout religious group, they say a prayer at the beginning of each practice, but we agreed we could just stand respectfully and it wouldn't be a problem.

 

...and thus they may not have felt they needed a SoF. They were happy with just being a christian group. It may be that this is the first time they've had a non-christian ask to join? Maybe because of her, they will make a SoF or simply vaguely state that members must be christian. Who knows? There's is nothing wrong, certainly not unchristian, with them refusing membership for a non-christian to their christian group.

 

it doesn't mean they hate her, her faith, or that they want to live in a bubble. it only means focus of that group is support for christian homeschoolers.

 

I guess I'd better my inform my playgroup members that next week they'll have to be prepared to find a new, Christian-based playgroup farther away, since I don't want them to bring their religious views to my secular playgroup just because we're conveniently located for them.

 

If the main reason you formed the group was to create support for a playgroup for non-christians - then yes, that is what you should do.:confused:

[dangermom]

I think you're judging pretty harshly here, Martha. And I think it was absolutely wrong for them to do what they did. (But then, as I said, I'm opposed to SoF's. I find it strange and unkind to have such stringent rules about groups.)

[Greta]

Not neccessarily. they were billed as a christian group. enough that she knew it going in...

 

But what strikes me in this situation is that they also knew that she was non-Christian going in, and agreed to it. But when they found out she was Hindu, they then changed their minds. If their intention was simply support for Christian homeschoolers, that would be one thing. But why would some non-Christians be acceptable and others not? And why would they put her into the "not" category without even meeting her and her dd first?

[Murphy101]

Wow, that's quite a stretch. Christ wasn't about sacrifice for others? That's news to me.

 

Christ didn't walk around expecting anyone to give their money to him.

Neither was he a biblical Robin Hood either.:glare:

And I don't see him expecting anyone to sacrifice so he could play a sport. This is an extracurriculiar folks!! Not exactly on par with feed the hungry, clothe the naked, or bury the dead.

 

Well, it's true, Christian homeschoolers ARE so few and far between that fellowship can be hard to garner.

 

so they would only be justified in exclusive membership if they were a minority? :001_huh:

 

Again, I ask, if your goal is strictly Christian fellowship in all aspects of your group, why NOT have a statement of faith? Why NOT answer Kiran accurately when she first asked if there was a statement of faith to be signed?

 

Maybe they don't want a SoF? There's many differences amoung christians, somaybe they were happy with just being a christian group.

And they did answer her accurately. They don't have one. That's not the same as being open to anyone joining.

 

Why allow them to join in the first place? Is a little compassion so hard to muster that they can't let the poor heathens just follow through with the one session they let them sign up for under apparently false pretenses? Good grief.

 

Was the OP clear that she was Hindu from the very beginning? Did she say, "I'm Hindu, so I can't sign a christian SoF. Is your group open to non-christians?"

 

If so. Maybe the person she spoke to simply spoke that they were okay with it, but then found out they shouldn't have spoken for the group?

 

Who knows? It could have just been an honest mistake. I would think it more cruel to let the girl continue for the season knowing she couldn't come back and might not be a welcomed member.

[hsmamainva]

As I understand it, the OP asked about a SoF and she was told that there wasn't one.

 

Apparently, the group is more "closed" to non-Christians than she was originally led to believe.

 

There are different types of Christian homeschool groups out there.

 

There's one in our area that is VERY restricted...you have to have a recommendation / reference from your pastor to even get into the group. The membership application is 5 pages long.

 

The group I belong to is Christian, and their meetings are held in a church, however, they don't exclude anyone, no matter their faith. There's a brief prayer to open the meetings -- basically bless our families, thanking God for their ability to homeschool, keep us safe, etc., etc., -- and there's no SoF to sign. And it's never been a problem.

 

I just can't believe that Christ would exclude *children* from anything -- and that's what I don't understand! This is a child we're talking about.

[*anj*]

 

Who knows? It could have just been an honest mistake. I would think it more cruel to let the girl continue for the season knowing she couldn't come back and might not be a welcomed member.

 

Personally I think that if it were just an honest mistake they should have considered that they'd already told "the girl" that she could join.

 

I belong to a Christian-based homeschool group, but anyone can be a member and participate in our events. We ask that people who are in leadership be willing to assent to certain core Christian beliefs because we are a Christian group. But no one is excluded from participation because of not being Christian. We had a woman come and tell us that she is probably pagan and thought maybe that disqualified her from membership. It does not. And the Christians in our group aren't all of the same stripe either.

 

I think that we who have the audacity to call ourselves Christ-bearers or "little Christs" need to be always aware of presenting Him well, shining His light for all to see. We need to take care that our words and actions don't actually drive people even further away from Him. Many people hear the name "Christ" and think of us. We should be terrified of that.

[Tammy]

she said, (I am sorry I haven't learned how to do the quote thing)

 

"Friend called me to tell me, she spoke to the head of it, and the head has been rethinking it--considering the fact that we are not just not Christian, but that we are Hindu--apparently a bit too "off"--and is going to pray about it, and check with group, but, even though there is no requirement for a statement of faith, thinks it may be "too much to ask" of group to let us in."

 

Maybe Hinduism is one of those religions not acceptable to many Christians (although I have no idea....but just guessing). It seems to me....they spoke to the 'group' and the 'group' decided against her joining. I really see nothing wrong with that. If they don't want Hindus in their group....then they don't.

 

It is just like secular hsers joining Christian groups....I see nothing wrong with not allowing it....(and I am a secular hser).

 

Tammy

[Mom to Aly]

First, THERE IS NO STATEMENT OF FAITH REQUIRED WITH THIS GROUP!!!

 

Second, Martha, I honestly am not interested in hearing you criticize me anymore. I guess I did leave out the fact that, until my xh left, I gave my sister everything in the world, including having her live with me and my xh and fully supporting her while she got her masters, as well as for more than a year after her first husband died and she didn't work, never asking for anything in return, even though it put a big strain on my marriage, and even though she had savings, but didn't feel comfortable using it. She got remarried soon after my xh left, and I have not had a penny, but she doesn't seem to remember anything I have ever done to me, which I don't mind, I just wish she would want to do something for my child once in a while. And I asked to borrow the money, not be given it! I've never asked her for a hand out, not once!

 

And to the others who have been defending me, I'd really this rather not get into a quarrel or worse.

You guys have been giving me support and kindness when I needed it so much, and I do so appreciate it! Please, let's not let it get ugly! You guys are truly wonderful, I can't tell you how much you all mean to me! I've said before--my dd is my true hero in my life--some of you are coming in second lately :)!

[8filltheheart]

m

[Greta]

Maybe Hinduism is one of those religions not acceptable to many Christians (although I have no idea....but just guessing). It seems to me....they spoke to the 'group' and the 'group' decided against her joining. I really see nothing wrong with that. If they don't want Hindus in their group....then they don't.

 

It is just like secular hsers joining Christian groups....I see nothing wrong with not allowing it....(and I am a secular hser).

 

Right, I completely agree that I don't see anything wrong with forming groups (homeschooling or otherwise) on the basis of common religious (or lack of religious) belief. It just surprised me that they would consider some non-Christians acceptable but not others. I wasn't getting that at all. But I suppose that they would consider the beliefs of some groups to be more antithetical to their own than those of some other groups? I just didn't think about that possibility until your post.

[Mom to Aly]

she said, (I am sorry I haven't learned how to do the quote thing)

 

"Friend called me to tell me, she spoke to the head of it, and the head has been rethinking it--considering the fact that we are not just not Christian, but that we are Hindu--apparently a bit too "off"--and is going to pray about it, and check with group, but, even though there is no requirement for a statement of faith, thinks it may be "too much to ask" of group to let us in."

 

Maybe Hinduism is one of those religions not acceptable to many Christians (although I have no idea....but just guessing). It seems to me....they spoke to the 'group' and the 'group' decided against her joining. I really see nothing wrong with that. If they don't want Hindus in their group....then they don't.

 

It is just like secular hsers joining Christian groups....I see nothing wrong with not allowing it....(and I am a secular hser).

 

Tammy

 

Tammy: The way you put it, I certainly have a prob with it! You would say it is alright for them to exclude us, but not someone who was Jewish or another non-Christian faith? First of all, Hindus accept all faiths--we do not condemn any faith, which is one reason I love Hinduism. Secondly, how would that be right? We don't believe in Hell or the devil, so it can't be said that we promote worship of something that is anti-Christian, so how would it be right to exclude us but not a different non-Christian?

[Doran]

I am so sad for you - to the point of tears (which, admittedly, have been flowing far too easily today for a variety of reasons) - for I can't imagine how this must pain you and your daughter. The manner in which we humans treat one another never ceases to appall me - is it any wonder we've spent so much of our history at war!?

 

Here is a thought which I hope might carry you through this, and on to whatever lies ahead: A lesson has been taught. It may take the rest of this lifetime, and others to come (assuming you believe that) for the lesson to be learned, but you and Aly represented an opportunity for that group to open and serve. A message was sent, as the vote was taken, despite how the decision came back. Hearts were nudged. It's pitiful that you and Aly had to be the scapegoats for their trial and error in doing what might be right under the circumstances, but perhaps it will help you in some small way to believe that you and Aly were teachers in this circumstance. Sadly, your lesson fell upon students not yet mature enough in their hearts to heed the wisdom in the teaching.

 

I am truly sorry, and I hope you will be led to another wonderful opportunity for Aly.

 

:sad:

[Laurie]

 

 

 

I think that we who have the audacity to call ourselves Christ-bearers or "little Christs" need to be always aware of presenting Him well, shining His light for all to see. We need to take care that our words and actions don't actually drive people even further away from Him. Many people hear the name "Christ" and think of us. We should be terrified of that.

 

I still think a private group should have the freedom to be exclusive if they want to.

 

When my dc and I were at the PUBLIC swimming pool and saw the staff papering over the windows so that a group of Muslim women and their children could swim without anyone being able to see into the pool I wasn't upset. It didn't bother me that all-female lifeguards were provided either. I didn't feel any need to ask to join them because I respected their privacy/traditions. I could've asked if I could join them, but I don't know if they would've appreciated having me show up in a bikini or try to bring my dh along just because we would be comfortable swimming in a co-ed situation.

 

I think mutual respect is very important, but I don't believe that a PRIVATE Christian sports group (or a private swim session at a PUBLIC swimming pool for Muslim women/children) should be offensive to anyone. For me, this comes under the category of teaching my dc to respect others for their differences, not hating them or being resentful. Maybe I'm just more tolerant, but I can't control how other parents explain similar situations to their dc.

[Barb_]

Maybe Hinduism is one of those religions not acceptable to many Christians (although I have no idea....but just guessing). It seems to me....they spoke to the 'group' and the 'group' decided against her joining. I really see nothing wrong with that. If they don't want Hindus in their group....then they don't.

 

Ouch. Just replace the word Hindu with the word "Blacks" or "Asians" or "Hispanics" or even "single moms" or "stay at home dads" and think about how offensive that is. I'm not crazy about exclusive Christian groups, but accept them as long as they are upfront about their philosophy. But to disallow families on a case-by-case basis? It's repugnant.

 

Bareb

[Spy Car]

Sometimes I read things here and want to weep.

 

But, thank goodness, other times I'm really proud of the humanity expressed on these pages.

 

All the best to you Kiran. Please don't let your heart be hardened by the small-mindedness of a few. :grouphug:

 

Bill

[Mekanamom]

My goodness... on one hand I agree that private groups can and should have the right to be exclusive if they want to be, and that people have the right to decide what to spend (or not spend) their own money on. Absolutely.

 

But on the other hand, I think it's reasonable to feel upset when one feels discriminated against. The group discriminated against her on religious grounds, and she feels her sister is discriminating against her because she chose to homeschool. It's very stressful to have very limited resources and to feel as if every affordable/doable opportunity is unattainable due to discrimination. I'd want to vent a bit too, if it were me.

 

I hope the OP finds a solution that works for her current situation.

[*anj*]

I still think a private group should have the freedom to be exclusive if they want to.

 

 

I think there are times and places for that. I agree that it can sometimes be appropriate for groups to have private programs, especially those that are specifically spiritual in nature. But this is a sporting event, not a Bible study, and they had already told Aly that she could join and then they voted against a little girl and changed their collective mind. I can't stomach that.

 

Ouch. Just replace the word Hindu with the word "Blacks" or "Asians" or "Hispanics" or even "single moms" or "stay at home dads" and think about how offensive that is. I'm not crazy about exclusive Christian groups, but accept them as long as they are upfront about their philosophy. But to disallow families on a case-by-case basis? It's repugnant.

 

Bareb

 

Excellent points!

[paula j]

Ouch. Just replace the word Hindu with the word "Blacks" or "Asians" or "Hispanics" or even "single moms" or "stay at home dads" and think about how offensive that is. I'm not crazy about exclusive Christian groups, but accept them as long as they are upfront about their philosophy. But to disallow families on a case-by-case basis? It's repugnant.

 

Bareb

 

:iagree:

[Mom to Aly]

Maybe I'm just more tolerant, but I can't control how other parents explain similar situations to their dc.

 

Ummm, no, I don't think you have to worry about being more tolerant.

 

And, as I have stated before, the last thing I would ever teach my daughter is that these people were at fault, or that they didn't have the right to exclude us. I am disappointed, especially for my daughter, but I have never denied their right to exclude us.

[OnTheBrink]

Ummm, no, I don't think you have to worry about being more tolerant.

 

And, as I have stated before, the last thing I would ever teach my daughter is that these people were at fault, or that they didn't have the right to exclude us. I am disappointed, especially for my daughter, but I have never denied their right to exclude us.

 

 

Please check your private messages. :)

[HRAAB]

Yes, private groups have the right to limit membership. However, if for no other reason, their name alone is enough reason to have opened their doors to allowing a young girl to join their sports group. Besides theology, does not the name Christian mean we are to be Christ here on earth. To be his hands, his feet, his voice, his heart. How can we share the love of Christ if we can't let a young girl join in with our youth. How can we witness to His life giving love if we exclude people. If they came to our churches to join our services, would we say they weren't welcome? Does not God love us all equally? Didn't Christ come for all and die for all?

 

None of this means we compromise our beliefs or values. But I think we can extend some of the grace that God freely gives.

 

Janet