At what age would you allow

[momof4babes]

your children to go into a store alone?

 

My oldest kids are almost 9&11, and have been begging for more responsibility.

 

Twice now I have allowed them to go into the grocery store for a single item each time. While I waited outside the doors.

 

They shop in these stores with me at least once a week for the last 5 years, and know where things are. I started off letting them collect items a few isles over, and meeting up at the cash.

 

They are responsible kids, and they also have a cell phone when they have gone in.

I'm concerned that some " helpful" person will feel the need to intervene.

 

Today the cashier gave them weird looks, although DD told her how much the change should be. Lol

 

I'm curious what the hive opinion is.

[IfIOnly]

My oldest were 9 and 10 I think. They're 12 and almost 11 now. Buddy system at first but now they go alone. I hate running in the store, and they love it. Win, win. They usually use my debit card and go through self checkout. They're quite savvy and quick. I stay in the car, usually parked in sight of the door. Best thing next to them having their licenses, so I can stay at home. Haha!

[abba12]

Buddy system here too, I would avoid sending a child completely alone to do anything, and people are more likely to worry about a single 10yo alone than a pair of 10yos. 

 

I think my sister and I were allowed to go to stores alone when we were about 8 and 10. We would go off to the candy isle or the toy isle or pick up stuff mum forgot, or run in to buy something with pocket money while mum waited outside with the little ones. 

[momto10blessings]

I let my 8 year old run into Aldi for milk or bread or something easy to find. In a regular grocery store it would be a little later. Never with a cell phone.

[regentrude]

Elementary school age.

As soon as they have a basic understanding of money and can add.

[Tanaqui]

They were running small errands for me at the corner store at 7 and 8. The supermarket is a little further away, and they have to cross a fairly busy street, so I didn't let the older one do that until she was 11.

[KungFuPanda]

I think 9 and 11 are plenty old enough that they shouldn't be getting any funny looks.

[Lady Marmalade]

I think my Dd was 7 or 8 when I let her walk 3 blocks to the grocery store alone to get something for me. However, we lived in a small town and I felt comfortable with all the neighbors.

 

Living in a more urban area, I would probably have waited until 9 or so.

[Reefgazer]

I let mine go last year - they were 9 and 12.

[SKL]

I would not hesitate with a 9yo.  As long as he acts like he knows what he's doing and doesn't look very young for his age, most people would not bother him.  At worst they might ask "where is your parent" and he would have a good answer (if you are waiting outside for him).

 

Of course when I was a kid, children as young as 4 or 5 were allowed to walk to the store alone and nobody thought anything of it.  Even if they thought it was nuts, they would never call the police for that.  I don't know why people think of calling the cops on a kid who is doing nothing wrong, but alas, it happens.  :/

[gardenmom5]

too many variables to give a set age.

[SparklyUnicorn]

too many variables to give a set age.

 

exactly what I was thinking

[Junie]

The helicopter mom perspective ;)

 

I do not allow any of my children in a store without an adult.  That being said, our usual stores are large box stores.

[Orthodox6]

Some stores have signs posted that children must be accompanied by a parent.

[Sarah CB]

I've allowed this since they were maybe five?  I'm not sure why you're hesitating.  My kids have also walked on their own to the corner store (about a 10 minute walk) since they were pretty young - probably 9 and 7 (walking together).

[Sarah CB]

too many variables to give a set age.

 

This one seems like a no-brainer.  Mom is waiting outside the door and the kids inside have cell phones.  I'm trying to imagine a scenario where this wouldn't be reasonably safe? 

[Lisa3033]

This one seems like a no-brainer.  Mom is waiting outside the door and the kids inside have cell phones.  I'm trying to imagine a scenario where this wouldn't be reasonably safe? 

 

The biggest danger would be a "helpful" person calling the police about unatte.nded children.

[Sarah CB]

The biggest danger would be a "helpful" person calling the police about unatte.nded children.

 

I guess I wouldn't be concerned about that.  Especially if I was standing right outside the store.  

[luuknam]

This one doesn't say anything about going *into* the store, just about walking four to eight blocks to the store. I would assume the assumption is the kid will also go in.

 

http://www.chicagonow.com/little-kids-big-city/2011/08/is-your-child-ready-for-first-grade-1979-edition/

 

That said, I know it's not 1979 anymore (I wasn't even born yet back then). I do remember going to the store alone at 8 or possibly younger, including the "walking several blocks to get there" part - no cell phones, no mom waiting outside, which would've been in the '90s.

 

C just turned 8 and I've never sent him into a store alone. He's got high-functioning autism though, and I'd be concerned about whether he'd be well behaved. Plus, he looks like he's 6yo, and we pretty much do all of our shopping at big stores. I do send him to the restroom alone when we're at the library, a restaurant, etc.

 

But, to answer your question: assuming your 9 and 11yos are normal, then I see no problem sending them into a store together, even a bigger store. The waiting outside part might be an idea for the first one or two times, but after that is likely overkill. Sending the 11yo alone shouldn't be an issue either. Even sending the 9yo alone should be fine imo. But, as any "what age" question, it's all very YMMV.

[luuknam]

Some stores have signs posted that children must be accompanied by a parent.

 

I would take those signs with a grain of salt*. Like, what age is considered a "child"? Surely they don't mean 17yos need to be accompanied by a parent? If I saw a sign like that I might hesitate sending in a 9yo, but I'd probably still send in the 11yo. They might kick the 11yo out, but I don't think the police would care if called (they've got better things to do). I also think those signs are meant to prevent kids from loitering and possibly a liability issue.

 

*I haven't seen such a sign, iirc. I saw a sign at a diner that said something like "children left alone will be given an espresso and a free kitten". I did leave C alone at the table though while I took B to the restroom there.

[J-rap]

In general I think that's fine.  It all depends on your kids and the particular store/area.  We did the buddy system for a long time.  In fact, I even made them hold hands for a long time when they did that, which they hated -- haha.  As they got older they just held pinkies.

 

 

[zoobie]

The helicopter mom perspective ;)

 

I do not allow any of my children in a store without an adult. That being said, our usual stores are large box stores.

Until they're 18?

[zoobie]

In general I think that's fine. It all depends on your kids and the particular store/area. We did the buddy system for a long time. In fact, I even made them hold hands for a long time when they did that, which they hated -- haha. As they got older they just held pinkies.

I jokingly told mine (at 9 and 11) to do that, and they came out with their hands raised, singing Kumbaya through the parking lot. :P

[Serenade]

I jokingly told mine (at 9 and 11) to do that, and they came out with their hands raised, singing Kumbaya through the parking lot. :P

What fun kids!

[wendyroo]

Starting at 5 I would send Peter up to the counter at small, unbusy gas stations, camp stores, pet stores, etc. to pay for an item or two while I waited far enough away to be unobtrusive, yet close enough to be able to see and hear what went on.  He has autism, so he needs lots of varied, hands-on practice making eye contact, enunciating his words so people can understand him, not losing focus, etc.

 

This summer, now that he is 6, I have been sending him into the little Mom and Pop bait store near my parent's cottage all by himself to buy minnows.  I've been going in there to buy minnows from Lou since I was 6 years old.  Next summer we will probably graduate to Peter and Elliot (by then 5 and 7) together being allowed to go into the itty, bitty grocery store near the cottage to buy one or two items while I wait outside.

 

It will still be many years before they will be ready to navigate a larger store like Target or our normal grocery store by themselves.

 

Wendy

[catz]

The helicopter mom perspective ;)

 

I do not allow any of my children in a store without an adult.  That being said, our usual stores are large box stores.

 

?  Even a 14 year old?  I feel like with my 14 year old who I consider college bound, my days are numbered on teaching independence skills.  I had my 14 year old riding public transit in a public area alone (and there are plenty of kids younger doing that here).  I have no problem sending him to a big box store.  I let my 11 year old walk to the corner store on her own.  I'd be fine with sending her into a big box store to pick up something.  When we're shopping, I often send my kids off to gather things or to run back to grab something we forgot.  I live in the middle of a urban area, top 20 in the US for size, so it's not like we live in the middle of no where.  I guess to each their own. 

 

It actually took a while for oldest.  He was tiny(10%) for age until like 12/13, so I used to worry more about people thinking he was too young to be alone.  Now he does look like a teen.  he's like 5'6"/104 lbs now so not giant but blending with peer groups.  The same thing holds me back on my 11 year old now in terms of other people getting in her business.  She's under 5 feet and like 80 lbs.  So she still looks like a kid at this point. I suspect that will change over the next year. 

[MyThreeSons]

Just to show how times have changed:

 

By the time I was 9 years old, my Mom was sending me to the grocery store by myself to pick up a few things. I had to walk about a block. I would take a check that she had signed, and I had to fill in the amount when the total was rung up. Sometimes I even bought cigarettes for her. 

 

On another note, I started my oldest son going into Dunkin' Donuts by himself while I sat in the car with his younger brothers. The store front was all glass, so I could see him the whole time. It gave him confidence and experience in ordering, paying and checking for the correct change. 

[Junie]

Until they're 18?

 

No, I'll let go before that.  :)

 

?  Even a 14 year old?  I feel like with my 14 year old who I consider college bound, my days are numbered on teaching independence skills.  I had my 14 year old riding public transit in a public area alone (and there are plenty of kids younger doing that here).  I have no problem sending him to a big box store.  I let my 11 year old walk to the corner store on her own.  I'd be fine with sending her into a big box store to pick up something.  When we're shopping, I often send my kids off to gather things or to run back to grab something we forgot.  I live in the middle of a urban area, top 20 in the US for size, so it's not like we live in the middle of no where.  I guess to each their own. 

 

It actually took a while for oldest.  He was tiny(10%) for age until like 12/13, so I used to worry more about people thinking he was too young to be alone.  Now he does look like a teen.  he's like 5'6"/104 lbs now so not giant but blending with peer groups.  The same thing holds me back on my 11 year old now in terms of other people getting in her business.  She's under 5 feet and like 80 lbs.  So she still looks like a kid at this point. I suspect that will change over the next year. 

 

We live in a rural area, so no corner store or public transit.

 

I do let my older kids travel some in the store without me, such as "go grab some butter" while I'm at the milk case.  I never thought of sending my kids into the store without me.  I pay for almost everything with credit cards; I never have cash, so I couldn't really send them into the store without me anyway.

 

That being said, I don't remember ever seeing anyone in the checkout line who did not look old enough to have a driver's license.  Really, it seems that this just isn't done here.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Just to show how times have changed:

 

By the time I was 9 years old, my Mom was sending me to the grocery store by myself to pick up a few things. I had to walk about a block. I would take a check that she had signed, and I had to fill in the amount when the total was rung up. Sometimes I even bought cigarettes for her. 

 

On another note, I started my oldest son going into Dunkin' Donuts by himself while I sat in the car with his younger brothers. The store front was all glass, so I could see him the whole time. It gave him confidence and experience in ordering, paying and checking for the correct change. 

 

I'll one up you on that.  My mother used to send me to the store when I was younger than 9 with a note giving me permission to buy cigarettes for her.   And they sold them to me!!  LOL

 

But then again there were stores around that specifically prohibited kids under 14 being in them without an adult.  So there is and was all kinds of craziness even "back in my day". 

[wendyroo]

Just to show how times have changed:

 

By the time I was 9 years old, my Mom was sending me to the grocery store by myself to pick up a few things. I had to walk about a block. I would take a check that she had signed, and I had to fill in the amount when the total was rung up. Sometimes I even bought cigarettes for her. 

 

My grandmother used to send whoever was the oldest kid not yet in kindergarten to the corner store.  The 4 year old would walk the three blocks (my grandmother could see the whole route from her front porch) clutching the grocery list.  The grocer, who was a family friend, would help the child gather and bag the items and would charge the cost to my grandmother's tab to be paid the next time she was in.  

 

My grandmother says that in her neighbor almost all the moms were home with 3 or 4 babies/toddlers/preschoolers (plus their school aged kids not at home) and that it was considered perfectly reasonable to send an older preschooler to buy a couple groceries rather than carting a passel of kids to the store.

 

Wendy

[Wabi Sabi]

I let my 10 year old (who is very small for his age and therefore looks younger) go into stores and pay for items without me. If I don't have cash I let him use my debit card. 

[Junie]

This one seems like a no-brainer.  Mom is waiting outside the door and the kids inside have cell phones.  I'm trying to imagine a scenario where this wouldn't be reasonably safe? 

 

Stores with multiple entrances; store employees on the sex offender registry; interstate less than 5 minutes from the store.

[SparklyUnicorn]

This one seems like a no-brainer.  Mom is waiting outside the door and the kids inside have cell phones.  I'm trying to imagine a scenario where this wouldn't be reasonably safe? 

 

Not all kids have cell phones.

[SKL]

My older, smaller 8yo is very confident and was definitely ready to do this years ago (and did at times).  My only hesitation is that some people might think she is younger than she is.  But now at nearly 9yo, if they didn't at least have the sense to talk to my kid before they call the cops, I would be shocked.

 

My younger, larger 8yo is a wimp.  She needs to be doing these things, but she resists.  It doesn't help that she has aunties who tell her that horrible things can happen if she is out of our protection for 3 minutes.  :/

[SparklyUnicorn]

People have definitely gotten weird.  I had my two waiting outside the women's room at a store once. I ran in and was out in a couple of minutes.  Store employees were already flipping out over my kids being there.  They weren't little little (otherwise I would have brought them in with me).

 

 

[Plateau Mama]

I never thought of sending my kids into the store without me. I pay for almost everything with credit cards; I never have cash, so I couldn't really send them into the store without me anyway.

 

That being said, I don't remember ever seeing anyone in the checkout line who did not look old enough to have a driver's license. Really, it seems that this just isn't done here.

I hand my kids my credit card all the time and have them pay for things. They have never been questioned.

 

My kids are 7, 13, 15. 7 yo is in the training stage. I give him money and send him to the counter alone to pay for things. I'm still w/in earshot to help him if needed. My 13 yo is fully competent to go into the store alone. The 15 yo like to play naive so I have been making her go in alone more and find/pay for things. 9 & 11 together, I'd have no hesitation.

[Plateau Mama]

Not all kids have cell phones.

She was commenting on the original post which said they had a phone.

[SparklyUnicorn]

She was commenting on the original post which said they had a phone.

 

Ah ok...

[Mom22ns]

I would consider 9 & 11 old enough, but mine never went in alone at that age, they would go together. They were teens before they went in alone. If a store had a "children must be accompanied by an adult" sign I wouldn't send my kids in without me until they were teens. Less than that is a child in my mind and unless the circumstances were dire, I wouldn't ignore their request.

 

Did they go during the day? Maybe the clerk gave her a funny look because she thought she should be in school. I would probably have raised an eyebrow at being told how much change to give. As a cashier, I would probably consider that rude - not a big deal, but enough so to get a quirky look from me before I smiled and moved on.

 

[Lara in Colo]

Some stores have signs posted that children must be accompanied by a parent.

 

These signs always crack me up--- really my child will always be my child--even when she is 35-

 

They need to be more specific-- minors or under 12.

 

I shop at Goodwill and my children are pros at shopping there and I let them wander all over the store.  one day the store kept having announcements about "keeping your children with you at all times".  I finally asked the clerk and her answer was "no your children are fine- I've seen them-- its the other children"--

So I guess a lot of policies are sort of  "just in case they need them"  policies.

[Farrar]

The no kids policy is so annoying. One store near us just added one and it only applies to certain hours, which is even weirder. I get why they don't want kids in there - it's the Five Below and it looks like a perpetual disaster area, but I don't get why kids can go alone on weekends. But maybe it's how they're staffed or something. I was once kicked out of a store that I was alone and quietly browsing in as a middle schooler. They were really mean too. I had spent lots of my own money there... never again. And, I was gratified that they went out of business a couple years later. I'm sure it was unrelated, but being rude to buying people no matter their age can't be a great policy.

 

My kids went to the store alone first when they were about 8. We live in an urban area and shops are all within walking distance and there's a ton of pedestrian traffic.

[Sarah CB]

Not all kids have cell phones.

 

This was in response to the particular situation specified in one of the above posts which says kids and the mom had cell phones.  

 

My younger kids do not have cell phones and I do not worry at all about them going into stores.  My 13 year old walks to Tim Horton's (2 km away) and has a snack by himself and sometimes stops in the video games store on the way home.  I don't think I'd be comfortable with my nine year old going that far, but it won't be long before I'm not worried about him either.  I'm totally fine with going to the mall and having my nine year old meet me back at the food fair at a certain time.  No cell phone required.

[Laura Corin]

By age 11 I was taking two public buses across the city on my own every day to get to school.

 

As soon as they could manage cash, I was happy for my boys to go into shops. Calvin was exploring Hong Kong on his own by 11.

[Sarah CB]

I hand my kids my credit card all the time and have them pay for things. They have never been questioned.

 

My kids are 7, 13, 15. 7 yo is in the training stage. I give him money and send him to the counter alone to pay for things. I'm still w/in earshot to help him if needed. My 13 yo is fully competent to go into the store alone. The 15 yo like to play naive so I have been making her go in alone more and find/pay for things. 9 & 11 together, I'd have no hesitation.

 

 

My three eldest are pros at using my debit card.  I don't think I've had my youngest use it yet.  I've also had them do their own ordering at the food fair for a number of years.  I just hand them each money and they go and order and meet me back at the table.  I don't feel the need to watch them the entire time - I order my own food and then go find a seat and wait for the kids to find me.  

 

I had a lot of freedom to roam as a kid and I'd like my kids to have the same.  We've done so in a supported way - first they've been able to roam around in stores when I'm in the same store (they'd go check out the toy aisle in Wal-Mart while I shopped, for instance, and if they had purchases to make, they would go and make them themselves), then we graduated to having kids run in and buy something while I waited in the car - especially if I got to the car and realized I'd forgotten to get milk or something.  Then we had the corner store by our old house where they walked for 10 minutes to get to the store.  My next step with the older boys will be getting them to use public transit.  I've totally waited too long with my eldest boy - he's 15 (dd was using public transit on her own regularly by 13), but I seem to be available to drive them everywhere so we haven't had a real reason to learn to use it yet.

[Sarah CB]

Stores with multiple entrances; store employees on the sex offender registry; interstate less than 5 minutes from the store.

 

For real?  Do you actually find this a reasonable thing to worry about with your older kids?

 

I would find that kind of constant vigilance at those ages exhausting.

[bettyandbob]

I started teaching my dd how to make purchases at 6, I waited outside while she made her own small purchase at 7 and moved on from there. 

 

If I recall correctly this is something touched on in Protecting the Gift. The idea is to get your kids independence experiences early, so they start to develop an internal barometer of how situations should be and be able to sense when a situation is off. Honestly, I think doing this is very important. 

 

YMMV

 

 

[kewb]

I was late to the store alone. Mine were probably 12/13. I am pretty sure my dh was letting them do it long before I was.

I know I was riding my bike to the deli and picking up stuff at 9 but I wasn't ready for my kids to do it. They probably were but I wasn't.

Truly, I think it depends on the kid and the location of the store.

[bettyandbob]

Stores with multiple entrances; store employees on the sex offender registry; interstate less than 5 minutes from the store.

 

 

I guess I live in a different place. I find this kind of thinking paralyzing and I believe it would actually stunt the development of my dc. I live in a suburb with a variety of transit options (stores are accessible to young people/children without driving), I am aware there are sex offenders in my zipcode (there's probably not a zipcode without sex offenders), we have big box chains and small independent shops. 

[Bluegoat]

Stores with multiple entrances; store employees on the sex offender registry; interstate less than 5 minutes from the store.

 

 

Not all kids have cell phones.

 

I don't really get these issues. 

 

The likelihood of a child being kidnapped from a store is minuscule - significantly less than the chance of them being killed in a car driving there.  It's at about the same chance as a kid having a heart attack.  Parents whose kids do not have heart defects don't worry about them having heart attacks, even if they do a lot of running around.  The fact that a store is five min from an interstate hwy does not mean there is a significant risk to the child in the store.

 

I'm not really sure why having a cell phone is really an issue either - what sort of realistic problem do they really address?

 

ETA - I realize the context of the cell phone comment was from the OP.  I'm asking more generally - really, why its considered important - are kids really so unable to solve problems that a cell phone is necessary if they are away from parents.

[Dmmetler]

At 6, when my DD started piano, I started giving her some money and letting her pick a treat out at Walgreens after her lesson, while I waited by the door. At that time of day, NO ONE was in the store, and it was good practice for her. She graduated to my staying in the car, and then we moved to doing the same thing at the neighborhood market (grocery store, and not a huge one), and to her picking up some items for me.

 

Now, at 10, she picks out what she wants for dinner, comes home from her lesson, and cooks it (admittedly, it's usually some sort of pasta, French bread from the bakery, and a salad, and both boxed macaroni and cheese and frozen pizza have made an appearance on her night to cook, but at least she'll have some skills when she moves out into her first apartment or dorm room!) :).

 

In my experience, kids in smaller stores who are shopping are usually smiled at and given a lot of understanding. But in my area, you don't dare drop your tween and a friend off to pick out their own clothes at a mall store-because apparently the mall,has changed from being a good place to spread your wings to a "no unaccompanied kids or groups of teenagers allowed" zone. Which would have put a real cramp in my early pre-dating years, when usually a group of us went to a movie and the mall food court, often with some shopping involved for the girls as a regular weekend social event and a chance to get to spend time with the opposite sex without the 1-1 stuff.