Jump to content

Menu
Giving You and Your Child a Road Map to the Best Possible Education
The Well-Trained Mind Community

Angry on so many levels about minor incident at the supermarket

EmmaNZ

By EmmaNZ,
in The Chat Board

 Share

Recommended Posts

EmmaNZ

EmmaNZ

Posted
Posted

Today a lady walked past me in the supermarket car park making the sign of the cross over herself as obviously as possible. Whilst in earshot of me she said "may the good Lord protect me".

 

Why???

 

Because I am obviously Muslim. Today I am wearing a pretty floral abaya (long dress), a peach hijab and orange shoes. I am accompanied by my two littlest people ages 5 and 2. I think I look quite friendly, and quite normal.

 

 

I asked her how could she be so rude and she replied I should think about all those things "I" have done in the Middle East. For goodness sake. I told her to go home and read her bible so she could learn how to be a real Christian.

 

But now I'm angry. Because she was so ignorant and bigoted. Because I didn't do very much to teach her that Muslims in general really aren't that bad. Because some idiots calling themselves Muslim do things so that all of Islam gets a bad name. I wish I had just ignored her instead of wasting so much brain space..... Sigh

  • Like 20
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Cinder

Cinder

Posted
Posted

 Because some idiots calling themselves Muslim do things so that all of Islam gets a bad name. I wish I had just ignored her instead of wasting so much brain space..... Sigh

 

And some idiots calling themselves Christians do things that give Christianity a bad name. There are idiots everywhere. Sorry you had to run into one today. :grouphug:

  • Like 28
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Murmer

Murmer

Posted
Posted

I am sorry it makes me mad for you!  I am reading a book about Muslim history (my son's birthmother is Muslim) and she should go learn what the Muslims have done in the Middle East!  The incredible art, music, architecture, scientific discoveries and even the beautiful writings in your holy book.  I wish that I could meet you in the supermarket and show that the whole world is not against you merely because your beliefs have been excuses for politics, war and death (as many many others have including Christian beliefs).

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Denise in Florida

Denise in Florida

Posted
Posted

Do not worry about ... "Because I didn't do very much to teach her that Muslims in general really aren't that bad".  There is plenty of information out there already she is willfully and happily ignorant and bigoted.  

 

She is not interested in learning more, her heart is hardened. 

 

I used to think hate filled people could be helped with the truth.  They want to keep their hate, they love it and tend it carefully. 

 

Explain, loudly or not, to your little people that she is an idiot and to avoid her as they would poison.  

 

 

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

You should have started making strange sounds and dancing in a circle.

 

Sorry you had to deal with such a nutter. People can be so odd.

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites
3 ladybugs

3 ladybugs

Posted
Posted

I am sorry you had to deal with that. She was rude and had no place in saying that.

 

Having said that, I have family members that are scared of all Muslims. I used to work for a lady who was Muslim, ironically on 9/11, and I used to be friends with some Muslims, so I teach my sons that they need to judge by actions that the person has done and not to generalize. When I talk to my family about their fears they feel that not enough people have come out and said "all this stuff happening in the Middle East, is not in my name! I am Muslim, I am proud to be so, and those people that do that, are anything but Muslim."

 

I am not sure what you personally could do about that. I think at the end of the day, the lack of knowledge about a culture can lead to a fear of it. You couple that with the news saying that this faith caused this, and you can see that fear can take hold. Education is ultimately what is needed.

 

However at the supermarket, that is not the time nor the place to educate anyone, especially if they "think" they have all the answers.

 

Again I am sorry that happened to you!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
SKL

SKL

Posted
Posted

I think you did your part toward educating her.  You held up a mirror to her face.  If there is any hope for her at all, you've pushed her in the right direction.  If not, well, she sure isn't worth another second of your time.

 

:grouphug:

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Amira

Amira

Posted
Posted

I think part of the anger I feel in situations like these is that there is so little that can be done to right individual wrongs.  You can say all you want that you should have ignored it, but a lot of things should be fixed.  It makes you feel so powerless in addition to insulted and belittled.  I'm glad you said something.

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites
MercyA

MercyA

Posted
Posted

I make it a point to make eye contact and smile at Muslim ladies when I see them out. I hope it's not creepy. :lol: I'm just hoping to counteract some of the ugliness I know they get on a regular basis.

Me, too.

 

I'm so sorry that happened to you. (((Emma)))

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
HS Mom in NC

HS Mom in NC

Posted
Posted

Wow.  As a devout Christian myself I would've expected her to smile at you, hold the door for you, let you go ahead of her in line and such-like she should've with anyone else around. I'm glad you called her on it. So sorry that happened to you and your children.

 

I also feel sorry for Catholics.  I'm assuming she's Catholic as she was making the sign of the cross over herself.  I'm not Catholic but I can imagine how many Catholics would cringe knowing someone represented them that way.

 

  • Like 14
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Aelwydd

Aelwydd

Posted
Posted

Today a lady walked past me in the supermarket car park making the sign of the cross over herself as obviously as possible. Whilst in earshot of me she said "may the good Lord protect me".

 

Why???

 

Because I am obviously Muslim. Today I am wearing a pretty floral abaya (long dress), a peach hijab and orange shoes. I am accompanied by my two littlest people ages 5 and 2. I think I look quite friendly, and quite normal.

 

 

I asked her how could she be so rude and she replied I should think about all those things "I" have done in the Middle East. For goodness sake. I told her to go home and read her bible so she could learn how to be a real Christian.

 

But now I'm angry. Because she was so ignorant and bigoted. Because I didn't do very much to teach her that Muslims in general really aren't that bad. Because some idiots calling themselves Muslim do things so that all of Islam gets a bad name. I wish I had just ignored her instead of wasting so much brain space..... Sigh

Emma, I am so sorry for her treatment of you. Please, I am NOT mocking you at all, but I would have let out a full on donkey laugh in that woman's face.

 

Me: "I mean, really. Your brain...it's...I'm so sorry. Does crazy affect all your family this way??"

  • Like 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites
idnib

idnib

Posted
Posted

Salaams sister,

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. I would be angry, even more so if I had my kids with me. Luckily they are so young and missed the significance of the exchange.

 

Remember, she is driven primarily by ignorance and her behavior is a reaction to that. Be grateful you are not in her place and try to be merciful, that mercy will later be given to you.

 

:grouphug:

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites
poppy

poppy

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry.  I'd be absolutely furious if someone did that to me, especially when I'm with my KIDS.  Kids can internalize those messages- more damaging that a kick in the shin.

 

Everyone is free to hold onto whatever close minded bigotry they want, but there is zero excuse to act on it that way. 

 

Growing up, when a black family with a kid my age moved next door to my grandma's house,  I heard so many warnings and "jokes" and racial slurs.  I knew it was wrong because my parents taught me better, but some of my cousins still feel the same way. I think that sign of the cross is just like back in the day and it makes me mad to even think about it.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
PamJBA

PamJBA

Posted
Posted

Your children saw you stand up for yourself and for them. No one is going to change the mind of that woman, but your children will remember that you called her on her bad behaviour. They'll know that you are not ashamed of your beliefs or your history.

  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Meriwether

Meriwether

Posted
Posted

Oh, I'm so sorry. I make it a point to make eye contact and smile at Muslim ladies when I see them out. I hope it's not creepy. :lol: I'm just hoping to counteract some of the ugliness I know they get on a regular basis.

I also do this. I have a tendency to be distracted when out and about. I make a point to make eye contact and be pleasant to people that are more likely to be getting negative reactions from others.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
KungFuPanda

KungFuPanda

Posted
Posted

Today a lady walked past me in the supermarket car park making the sign of the cross over herself as obviously as possible. Whilst in earshot of me she said "may the good Lord protect me".

 

Why???

 

Because I am obviously Muslim. Today I am wearing a pretty floral abaya (long dress), a peach hijab and orange shoes. I am accompanied by my two littlest people ages 5 and 2. I think I look quite friendly, and quite normal.

 

 

I asked her how could she be so rude and she replied I should think about all those things "I" have done in the Middle East. For goodness sake. I told her to go home and read her bible so she could learn how to be a real Christian.

 

But now I'm angry. Because she was so ignorant and bigoted. Because I didn't do very much to teach her that Muslims in general really aren't that bad. Because some idiots calling themselves Muslim do things so that all of Islam gets a bad name. I wish I had just ignored her instead of wasting so much brain space..... Sigh

She has every right to be afraid and cautious. You know how dangerous young mothers with tiny kids are. They leave a trail of violence and destruction everywhere they go. You hear it on the news every night.

  • Like 22
Link to comment
Share on other sites
EmmaNZ

EmmaNZ

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Oh, I'm so sorry. I make it a point to make eye contact and smile at Muslim ladies when I see them out. I hope it's not creepy. :lol: I'm just hoping to counteract some of the ugliness I know they get on a regular basis.

No not creepy. And in fact I usually try and do the same thing in reverse. I know that people see me and the first thing they see is my hijab. I try my best to be a good ambassador - to smile and chat and 'be normal'. I'll admit to a bit of enjoyment when people are shocked by my name and by my 'posh' British accent! 

 

You should have started making strange sounds and dancing in a circle.

 

Sorry you had to deal with such a nutter. People can be so odd.

:lol: I'll try and remember that for next time

 

 

 

Emma, I am so sorry for her treatment of you. Please, I am NOT mocking you at all, but I would have let out a full on donkey laugh in that woman's face.

 

Me: "I mean, really. Your brain...it's...I'm so sorry. Does crazy affect all your family this way??"

I wish I was funny. I'm just too boring for a response like that!

 

 

Salaams sister,

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. I would be angry, even more so if I had my kids with me. Luckily they are so young and missed the significance of the exchange.

 

Remember, she is driven primarily and ignorance and her behavior is a reaction to that. Be grateful you are not in her place and try to be merciful, that mercy will later be given to you.

 

:grouphug:

Wa alaykum assalaam. 

 

What a weirdo.  You shoulda yelled "boo!"

 

So sorry that happened. 

:hurray:

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Anne in CA

Anne in CA

Posted
Posted

I really think someone acting like this is mentally unstable. Religion is the blanket that she holds onto. Just lie the Taliban uses religion for their heinous acts to terrorize women, she uses religion to make her feel superior to others, because that brings her comfort. I would definitely make sure that your kids understand the problem is with HER, and that most Christians are not afraid of Muslims. But most people are nervous when they are around people they do not understand. There is a difference between, say, a grocery clerk who doesn't know if she should interact differently with you or not and says something silly, and that woman who believes she needs to keep her spirit safe from all of Islam. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites
KungFuPanda

KungFuPanda

Posted
Posted

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Oh, for crying out loud. What a stupid woman. You should pray for her.

See THIS is why Ellie is our very own Miss Manners and I'm not. My first thought was that you should put a fake curse on her and freak her the hell out. Just wave your arms, shout something threatening, like "Bakdonis!" and see if she breaks into a sprint.

  • Like 11
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TranquilMind

TranquilMind

Posted
Posted

Today a lady walked past me in the supermarket car park making the sign of the cross over herself as obviously as possible. Whilst in earshot of me she said "may the good Lord protect me".

 

Why???

 

Because I am obviously Muslim. Today I am wearing a pretty floral abaya (long dress), a peach hijab and orange shoes. I am accompanied by my two littlest people ages 5 and 2. I think I look quite friendly, and quite normal.

 

 

I asked her how could she be so rude and she replied I should think about all those things "I" have done in the Middle East. For goodness sake. I told her to go home and read her bible so she could learn how to be a real Christian.

 

But now I'm angry. Because she was so ignorant and bigoted. Because I didn't do very much to teach her that Muslims in general really aren't that bad. Because some idiots calling themselves Muslim do things so that all of Islam gets a bad name. I wish I had just ignored her instead of wasting so much brain space..... Sigh

I would just have assumed it wasn't about me in the first place, and that she was talking about something else. 

 

Or if I knew it was, like you obviously did, I would have told her that *I* haven't been to the Middle East in X years, and that I hope she realizes not everyone is doing those awful things. 

 

I'm sure when she thinks about it, she might realize that her approach was less than effective or charitable!  (Or she has paranoia or mental problems - so many do these days, it seems!)  At least I hope she would realize her response was awful and ineffective for whatever she was trying to accomplish there.  I'm sorry that happened to you. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
zoobie

zoobie

Posted
Posted

See THIS is why Ellie is our very own Miss Manners and I'm not. My first thought was that you should put a fake curse on her and freak her the hell out. Just wave your arms, shout something threatening, like "Bakdonis!" and see if she breaks into a sprint.

Maybe in real life, Ellie is saying, "You should pray for her [because of the beat down I'm about to give her. Who's gonna hold her arms?!?!]" ;)

  • Like 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites
HS Mom in NC

HS Mom in NC

Posted
Posted

Oh, I'm so sorry. I make it a point to make eye contact and smile at Muslim ladies when I see them out. I hope it's not creepy. :lol: I'm just hoping to counteract some of the ugliness I know they get on a regular basis.

 

I have a homeschool mom friend here who has actually tested this and there's some good new on that front.  She looks and sounds African American (AA) because she grew up in the inner city in St. Louis, but is only 1/4 AA and is a Christian.  She has close long term friends who are Muslim and she wanted to see how her community (greater PHX area) is treating Muslims first hand. She has several head coverings, each covers a different amount of her (sorry, I don't know the correct terms for each.) She also has clothing that is typical of what different groups/demonimations/sects (again I don't know the correct terms) of Muslims would wear.  She would go out running her normal errands with her husband and walk behind like some do.  Each time she wore more and more conservative versions and observed how people treated them.

 

What she found was white and Hispanic Americans here tend to be extremely polite to Muslim women and children.  That's a good the good news.  AA women tend to openly eye roll, laugh, shake their heads and point.  According to my friend there's a cultural norm among AA women to be very strong and their perception of strong means being hostile to what they think it means to be submissive to men in Muslim culture and in Islam.  Now, keep in mind that AZ has an incredibly low number of AAs compared to other parts of the country, so it's a very small sample size.

 

What found some Americans to be openly rude to Muslim men.  By rude I mean nasty glares, eye rolling, avoiding eye contact or interaction entirely, not responding when spoken to and such.  So it appears we have a way to go on that front.

 

I had a personal Muslim interaction that I found positive.  There's a local restaurant we go to sometimes that serves different type of Middle Easter cuisines.  I like to eat lamb and goat, which are not usually popular among Americans.  They're the only restaurant I know of that serves goat.  They're down the street from the local mosque and last time we got there and ordered our food just before the after mosque crowd arrived. It never occurred to me. As they came in dressed in very conservative (or whatever term they would use) clothing  I became hyper aware of how contrary my clothing (strappy, short sun dress that hugs my curves)  was to their social norms.  They filled the place up and I was surrounded by people who might be offended by my clothing.  If it had occurred to me this would happen (we hadn't been there at the time the mosque let out before so I have never seen anyone dressed like that there) I wouldn't have worn that outfit out of respect for their cultural norms.  No one looked at me, glared at me, rolled their eyes, pointed or was in any way rude to me. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...