s/o girls and tangled hair

[maize]

Since it seems I am not the only parent with a young DD who has trouble with tangled hair, I'm hoping some of you have come up with good ways to handle the problem.

 

DD 7 has hair about to the bottom of her shoulder blades. It is fairly thick and not straight, and it tangles like crazy.

 

She HATES having it brushed. I have detangler spray and brushes designed to pull less, but if I get her to actually sit and let me work on it until I get all the tangles out once a month we are doing well. I've tried braiding but even brushing it out to rebraid is too much for her on most days.

 

She needs it long enough to put up in a bun for ballet. I've wondered if there is a haircut that would make it easier to brush while still leaving it long enough to put up? Any and all ideas are welcome!

[SparklyUnicorn]

If it is very thick you could have it thinned a bit. 

 

Frankly, I wish my mother would have just had my hair cut.  I hated it. 

 

 

[Beaniemom]

I have resorted to having dd8 brush her hair everytime she is in the bathroom. It started with me lettung her know that I would be brushing all the tangles out or her hair would be cut shorter. Then we sat and brushed with a detangling brush until it was smooth. Now her routine in the bathroom includes brushing her hair out after she washes her hands. This has cut down on tangles for us. I also remind her the brush must go through her hair all the way so that she feels it come out the bottom. I still brudh it out for her morning snd night but the contant msintenance has helped.

[Upward Journey]

Do you have to brush it?  Can you just comb it out after you wash it and leave it at that until the next washing?

 

eta, that curly hair really truly doesn't need to be brushed everyday.

[unsinkable]

Since it seems I am not the only parent with a young DD who has trouble with tangled hair, I'm hoping some of you have come up with good ways to handle the problem.

 

DD 7 has hair about to the bottom of her shoulder blades. It is fairly thick and not straight, and it tangles like crazy.

 

She HATES having it brushed. I have detangler spray and brushes designed to pull less, but if I get her to actually sit and let me work on it until I get all the tangles out once a month we are doing well. I've tried braiding but even brushing it out to rebraid is too much for her on most days.

 

She needs it long enough to put up in a bun for ballet. I've wondered if there is a haircut that would make it easier to brush while still leaving it long enough to put up? Any and all ideas are welcome!

No advice on the haircut...

 

Have you tried a silk pillowcase? And do you brush in sections from the BOTTOM up?

 

And 2 braids before bed work better than 1 to help with tangles, too.

[melbotoast]

Another vote for constant maintenance. I try to brush DDs hair before bed and in the morning. It takes much less time if we remember to brush frequently.

[MotherGoose]

You could go shorter than that and do a bun. Mine have to brush their hair in the morning or else I do it, which they dislike. I also threaten to cut it.

[SparklyUnicorn]

And who in heck wants something that is constant maintenance? 

 

BTDT..no thank you.

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

It hurts a lot more to have someone else brush one's hair than to brush one's own hair. 

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

TV has been my solution. DD9 has incredibly thick, kinky-curly hair. Those detangler brushes don't even touch it. She washes and conditions (Aussie moisturizing conditioner) in the shower. When she comes out, while it's still as wet as possible, she sits in front of the TV while I spray it wet again and work in some Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie. Then I brush it through while she distracts herself with a show of her choice. I either put it in pigtail braids or a ponytail. There's no wearing it down, because the snarls make it twice as difficult to get through next time. 

 

That's it. I don't expect her to be doing her own hair for quite awhile yet!

[maize]

Do you have to brush it? Can you just comb it out after you wash it and leave it at that until the next washing?

 

eta, that curly hair really truly doesn't need to be brushed everyday.

Unfortunately it is really not curly. Kind of wavy, but not nicely so. Her hair is like mine, and the best word to describe it is "intractable". I envy both straight and curly hair...

[mamaraby]

Most "detanglers" are a joke, imo. Make your own with 1T or so of your favorite conditioner ina spray bottle with water. Shake well and use as you do "detangler."

 

I also find that getting dd's hair completely wet helps more than a spray bottle. We also sometimes just "wash" her hair with conditioner (get hair completely wet in the tub, apply conditioner, and rinse out). Braiding at night helps. A wide tooth comb helps.

 

But hands down, what helps more than anything is daily detangling. Maybe with some screentime as distraction?

[maize]

No advice on the haircut...

 

Have you tried a silk pillowcase? And do you brush in sections from the BOTTOM up?

 

And 2 braids before bed work better than 1 to help with tangles, too.

I do do sections from the bottom up. I can try two braids at night instead of one.

[maize]

It hurts a lot more to have someone else brush one's hair than to brush one's own hair.

Unfortunately if I leave it up to her no brushing happens at all. She says she likes it tangled.

 

She does not want it cut short.

[unsinkable]

I do do sections from the bottom up. I can try two braids at night instead of one.

Good luck...and do try a silk pillowcase. It helps.

[Upward Journey]

Unfortunately it is really not curly. Kind of wavy, but not nicely so. Her hair is like mine, and the best word to describe it is "intractable". I envy both straight and curly hair...

 

Maize, my daughter has hair like yours.  We're on our way out, but I'll get back to you with how she deals with it :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

Unfortunately if I leave it up to her no brushing happens at all. She says she likes it tangled.

 

She does not want it cut short.

 

Oh I know!  My mother would not let me cut my hair.  She did help me take care of it, but I hated that.  And she was big into her looks so I was to be also.  So she'd get me up extra early to do crap like curl my hair with a curling iron and the whole nine yards.  Ugh..

 

My hair is shorter now.  Not super short, but it is SO much easier.

 

I will say that getting it thinned helps a lot.  I do have very thick hair.  They use special scissors to cut into the hair and not just to cut the length. 

[SKL]

I've seen young girls who had their hair put up on both sides, so they could sleep with the buns.  Would that help?

 

I also agree with combing more often.

Would it help at all if she combed it herself first, and then you go over it afterwards?

 

Combing is no fun, but I always just remind them that it's gonna be over quickly (more quickly if they sit still!) and then it won't need to be done again until ___.  :)

[SKL]

My mom used to have thinning shears also.  However, I thought I read that using thinning shears only makes the hair grow out thicker than ever.  Not sure if that is true....

[SparklyUnicorn]

My mom used to have thinning shears also.  However, I thought I read that using thinning shears only makes the hair grow out thicker than ever.  Not sure if that is true....

 

How could that even be true?  Hair grows from hair follicles.  It doesn't start sprouting off of hairs in various spots.  KWIM?  So I don't see how that could be true.

[SKL]

How could that even be true?  Hair grows from hair follicles.  It doesn't start sprouting off of hairs in various spots.  KWIM?  So I don't see how that could be true.

 

I'm not a hair expert.  But I know whole cultures cut / shave kids' hair so it will grow out thick.  I guess I'd ask a hair expert if we had that situation here.

[SparklyUnicorn]

If it were that simple to get hair to be thicker, oh well I think a lot of people would be trying it!

 

Thick hair is not as awesome as people imagine.

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

What finally worked here were three things:

 

1.  DD has to brush her hair while taking a shower or let me brush her hair while taking a shower (when she was still bathing that didn't help much but once she switched to showering it did).  Her doing it herself, while the water is pouring down, really, really helped.  We can slather her hair in conditioner and she brushes it through.  I help when needed.  Turned things around here because the pain factor diminished considerably.

 

2.  I don't make her do this anymore because she is much more willing and likely to brush her own hair without prompting now, but I used to insist she had to use at least a soft brush (not a stiff bristle brush) every morning when she got up and every night when she went to bed to at least smooth things out a bit since she only showers ever other day (she is a very unsmelly kid so daily showering just isn't necessary).

 

3.  Maturity to be able to handle the fact that if you have hair it needs maintaining and if you don't maintain it there will be issues and those issues are not mom's fault.   :)

[forty-two]

My girls and I all have long hair. When detangling hair becomes an issue for us, it's usually because the end of the hair have gotten dry. I deal with it by putting a bit of oil on the palms of my hands and gently running my palms over the ends of the hair a few times. After doing that once or twice, combing goes *much* smoother. (I use jojoba oil, which is light but pretty pricey; olive oil is a heavier oil but it can work so long as you use a very light touch.)

 

In addition to regularly oiling the ends of the hair before detangling, I do several other things to try to prevent dry ends and other sources of damage (I do the same things for both me and the girls). I use a very gentle shampoo and don't shampoo every day; plus I put oil on the ends of the hair both before and after shampooing, to help protect the ends and keep them from drying out (I use oil instead of conditioner, but either works - just need to do *something* to counteract the drying effects of shampoo). I also detangle with a seamless wide-tooth comb, instead of a brush - ime brushing works best once you've *already* got the majority of the tangles out. Also, you want to avoid brushing wet hair, as that's a big cause of damage, and damage to the hair is a big cause of tangles.

 

IME regular use of detangler spray can sometimes actually *increase* tangles. Detangler spray usually has silcones in it, and on some people (including me), silicone products used regularly end up causing more problems than they solve. After a few days of use, my hair starts sticking together more and tangling more and generally is a complete pain to deal with. It can take several washes before I get all the residue out.

[SKL]

IME regular use of detangler spray can sometimes actually *increase* tangles. Detangler spray usually has silcones in it, and on some people (including me), silicone products used regularly end up causing more problems than they solve. After a few days of use, my hair starts sticking together more and tangling more and generally is a complete pain to deal with. It can take several washes before I get all the residue out.

 

I agree.  I tried detangler and it was great for the first day.  After that the tangles were worse, and the hair was not as lovely.  Counterproductive in our experience.

 

[PeacefulChaos]

Well, Pink's hair is curly, not wavy, so we never ever brush it.  We only comb it straight out of the bathtub, when it's really wet, and even then that's after finger detangling it all in the bath.  Then I just spray it a little in the mornings between washes and run my fingers through it, if necessary - though that's usually not even necessary with Deva Curl products.  :party: 

 

I think my hair might be similar to what you're describing - I don't brush mine, either.  I do one of two things with mine: Either I 1. use shampoo and conditioner in the shower, get out, comb it when it's wet, and then never touch it again until I wash it again (2 days later) or I 2. use only shampoo in the shower, get out, put Paul Mitchell leave in conditioner in it, don't comb it, and don't touch it again until I wash it again (2 days later).  My second day I always put my hair up, so yeah, that's touching it - I just mean I don't detangle, comb, brush, etc, except for right out of the shower, ever.  

[Word Nerd]

Have you tried detangling while she's in the bath/shower? I only comb out my tangles with the help of lots of conditioner and a shower comb (you can also find shower/detangler brushes like this), and it works for my girls too. 

[maize]

Have you tried detangling while she's in the bath/shower? I only comb out my tangles with the help of lots of conditioner and a shower comb (you can also find shower/detangler brushes like this), and it works for my girls too. 

 

I haven't, but can give it a go.

 

Of course she hates washing her hair as well  :001_rolleyes:

[maize]

I had wondered if using thinning shears would help, since several people have mentioned thinning as an option I may try that.

[kewb]

When my dd went through an "I hate mom brushing my hair but I can't take care of it" phase I insisted she sleep with 2 braids and keep it braided during the day. Otherwise her hair was getting cut short.

[Closeacademy]

One dd has curly hair and the other straight.  What has worked for us:

 

braids at night

combing their hair after a shower and tight braids

if we take the braids out I gently brush

 

With the curls, we also do:

 

no shampoo, curly hair conditioner only (2 to 3 times max a week)

calming/combing crème while combing it out, then I braid it  (usually good for a couple of days)

If I leave it down, we use moose to keep the curls nice and not frizzy

If I take the braids out, I comb it out with my fingers  

[Guest]

Finger detangling is much less painful for the child and less damaging to the hair.

 

She can sleep in a protective style and detangling can be part of a pleasant, relaxed bedtime routine (detangle during after dinner screentime or while listening to relaxing music or audio books) instead of a rushed, hectic morning routine.

 

Coconut oil adds a lot of slip, but if it is severely matted you might consider conditioner with 'cones as emergency first aid.

[Pam in CT]

My girls are old enough now to (more or less) take care of their very thick and very curly hair themselves, but since my own is fine and straight, it took a while (and a consult) when they were younger to figure it out.  What works for them-

 

1.  They only wash it maybe once a week (I wash mine far more often).  Other times when they shower, they only condition, or just pile it all in a shower cap.

 

2.  They use a TON of conditioner, and comb it out in the shower with the water flowing.  A wide tooth comb like this, not a brush.

 

3.  They wear braids to bed.

 

4.  In the morning, they take out the braids, finger-comb, and let 'er rip (either down, or back with a clip/headband, or up in a loose ponytail or bun).  There are some tangles in there, but not too many.  They never went to a really-uptight ballet studio with really-tight bun requirements; this kind of loose finger-combed buns were good enough.

 

5.  With my 12 year old, maybe once a week or so, I work at it for maybe 20+ minutes until every last tangle is out, right out of the shower when it's dripping wet, again with the wide tooth comb, with the comb-in shea stuff if necessary.  Then braid for the night (and that's such a smooth tight braid that she usually leaves it in for the next day)

 

Neither of them uses a brush, ever, except when the oldest is *straightening* her hair.  Which is another whole operation with which I do not get at all involved.

 

 

ETA one year my younger one had corn rows for 6+ weeks.  Getting those out was a matted mess.  Everyone told me I had to cut it.  It took many hours, but shea butter and olive oil and lots and lots of patience eventually got it.

[MeghansMom]

knot genie.

 

www.knotgenie.com

 

This works wonders for both my daughter and myself.

[73349]

My hair is very tangly, but this is what works for me: Don't brush. Use an unbreakable wide-toothed comb only. Use a good conditioner at least as often as shampoo. Avoid using the hairdryer.

 

Pick the shortest length that you can still put up for dance.

 

 

[umsami]

I had tangled hair a lot as a girl.  My Mom cut my hair off in a Dorothy Hamill hair cut and that was the end of that. :)

 

I got DD this special brush for detangling.  She says it really makes a difference.  

[chiguirre]

I keep one of those detangling brushes Umsami linked to in the car. If T's hair doesn't pass my inspection, she brushes it out in the car before we get where we're going. It's eliminated our hair wars.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Since it seems I am not the only parent with a young DD who has trouble with tangled hair, I'm hoping some of you have come up with good ways to handle the problem.

 

DD 7 has hair about to the bottom of her shoulder blades. It is fairly thick and not straight, and it tangles like crazy.

 

She HATES having it brushed. I have detangler spray and brushes designed to pull less, but if I get her to actually sit and let me work on it until I get all the tangles out once a month we are doing well. I've tried braiding but even brushing it out to rebraid is too much for her on most days.

 

She needs it long enough to put up in a bun for ballet. I've wondered if there is a haircut that would make it easier to brush while still leaving it long enough to put up? Any and all ideas are welcome!

 

My daughter has curly hair that tangles VERY easily.  Here is how we have managed:

 

• Making sure that the ends are in good shape.  Dry, split ends seem to make the tangles worse.  Since she has long hair, I can trim it myself for her.
• I usually only detangled it when it was wet with conditioner in it.  The conditioner helps the hair strands slide against each other instead of clinging.  And it is so much less painful.  We take a section and start 1 inch from the bottom and get those tangles out.  Then we move up an inch at a time.  If you start too high up, then all you are doing is concentrating the tangles.  Then we move on to another section.  We carefully and gently rinse out the conditioner to prevent getting more tangles back in.  Then we wrap her hair/head in a towel and let that sit for a while to absorb the water.  Never, ever rub the hair - it just roughens the cuticle and adds more tangles.  Then we repeat the process of combing from the ends out.  This is much easier because the hard work was done with the aid of conditioner. 
• Frequent brushing/combing is important to keep the tangles out.  Again, starting from the bottom like described above.
• Braids and/or buns keep the hair from getting more tangled.  Dd used to wear 2 braids until it was long enough for one. 

 

My mom used to have thinning shears also.  However, I thought I read that using thinning shears only makes the hair grow out thicker than ever.  Not sure if that is true....

 

The problem with thinning shears is that it creates so many different lengths that, unless the hair is stick straight, it will grow out looking very fuzzy.  I don't recommend them. 

[imagine.more]

I had thick, long, and horribly tangled hair as a kid. I broke brushes on several occasions trying to get tangles out. Cutting it shorter honestly didn't make much difference and thick hair imo looks bad short. Even now I never ever go shorter than my shoulders. 

 

I wish my mom had treated my hair better but I think she didn't know how to take care of it. Here's what I do with myself and my girls (one has curly thin puerto rican hair and one has wavy blonde hair so kinda thin, definitely thinner than mine, but it gets tangled badly in the back).

 

- Shampoo + Condition every shower and only shower every other day for thick caucasian hair. Do not use combo shampoo + conditioners, they must be separate and of a good quality. Suave Naturals is fine, Herbal Essences is fine, Organix is ideal. Do not rinse all of the conditioner out, just be sure the scalp is clean but don't rinse too much off the ends.

 

- brush hair every single day with a wide toothed comb or wide bristle brush (this style: http://www.turbosquid.com/3d-models/hairbrush-brush-hair-3d-model/290725  not this style: http://www.luckyvitamin.com/p-187114-ambassador-hairbrushes-pure-natural-bristle-hairbrush-oval-dark-wood) Daily maintenance means it will never get too bad and it builds up head tolerance for a little tugging. My 2 year old sits and lets me brush and french braid her hair or put it up in whatever style I've chosen every day. She just knows it's part of life and never fusses. My 13 year old it's taken me over a year to undo some of her bad habits from not being made to do this with her birth family! And we still have a long way to go before I can let her independently take care of her hair without her resorting to ripping out the tangles like she was doing before.

 

- Use detangle spray liberally on damp hair or just do leave-in-conditioner

 

- Have your DD do morning showers and style the hair wet, way easier for all hair types! Before bed do 2 braids just like Laura Ingalls :) Seriously, those 2 pigtail braids were not just the style, they were essential for keeping hair tidy. If the hair gets tangled a lot during the day try alternating braids (especially dutch braids), buns, and sock buns to protect it while she plays. 

 

 

[imagine.more]

My daughter has curly hair that tangles VERY easily.  Here is how we have managed:

 

• Making sure that the ends are in good shape.  Dry, split ends seem to make the tangles worse.  Since she has long hair, I can trim it myself for her.
• I usually only detangled it when it was wet with conditioner in it.  The conditioner helps the hair strands slide against each other instead of clinging.  And it is so much less painful.  We take a section and start 1 inch from the bottom and get those tangles out.  Then we move up an inch at a time.  If you start too high up, then all you are doing is concentrating the tangles.  Then we move on to another section.  We carefully and gently rinse out the conditioner to prevent getting more tangles back in.  Then we wrap her hair/head in a towel and let that sit for a while to absorb the water.  Never, ever rub the hair - it just roughens the cuticle and adds more tangles.  Then we repeat the process of combing from the ends out.  This is much easier because the hard work was done with the aid of conditioner. 
• Frequent brushing/combing is important to keep the tangles out.  Again, starting from the bottom like described above.
• Braids and/or buns keep the hair from getting more tangled.  Dd used to wear 2 braids until it was long enough for one. 

 

 

The problem with thinning shears is that it creates so many different lengths that, unless the hair is stick straight, it will grow out looking very fuzzy.  I don't recommend them. 

 

I agree with all of this. And my mom once had the stylist thin my sisters' hair for this reason (my sisters hair was worse than mine, lol!) and it was awful. My sister cried for a week it looked so bad and it made her hair look frizzier somehow. Only very long layers work with our kind of hair. 

[Upward Journey]

So daughter has hair like you described.  She washes it once or twice a week, brushes it out before getting in the shower. Once she has conditioner in it, she finger combs it.  She does not brush or comb it again afterwards.  Instead she gets the excess water out and then piles it on the top of her head in a loose bun.  In the morning she lets it down.  It curls/waves nicely.  She usually wears it up/braided on the second and third day.

[Wheres Toto]

If it were that simple to get hair to be thicker, oh well I think a lot of people would be trying it!

 

Thick hair is not as awesome as people imagine.

 

I definitely agree with this. Youngest dd and I both have very thick, wavy hair that will actually look curly if it's allowed to dry naturally (almost like a scrunched look).  It has to be long or it just poofs out in every direction.  The length helps keep it under control from the sheer weight of it but then I get headaches if I wear it up.   Shorter and I'd have to straighten it or do something with heat every day to control it and I know better than to think I'll really do that.

 

What we do for dd:

 

It's always braided before bed.  99% of the time she wears it in a braid or in a ponytail during the day so it's not hard to braid it for bed.

 

She still takes baths so I help her wash her hair, then I put in conditioner (she uses a kid's shampoo that is a shampoo/conditioner/body wash/detangler in one but I use my conditioner after - right now I'm using Fructis Smooth and Sleek) and clip her hair up with a large claw clip so it stays out of the water. 

 

She sits in the bath for another 5-10 minutes then we drain the water and she stands up for a rinse with the hand-held shower.   Getting all the shampoo and conditioner out makes a HUGE difference it how easy it is to comb or brush. 

 

About once or twice a week I just rinse her hair thoroughly, wrap her hair in a turbie towel so she can get dressed, then she sits in my lap and I comb it out and may do something fancy with the front of her hair like little ties.  The rest of the time I rinse it thoroughly and then use a wide-toothed comb to comb it while letting the water run over it.  Then I braid it right there in the shower, squeeze the excess water out and she's off to get dressed.

 

Her hair is all one length and a little short of waist-length.

[sparrow]

My hair is to the middle of my back, thick, wavy, and very, very fine. I think breathing near my hair causes it to tangle. My mom did cut it all off when I was about 7 because I would brush the top of it and let the hair underneath become a massive dread lock.  When it grew out again, we always braided it at night.

 

What works for me now is using a wide tooth comb after showering and using Infusium leave-in conditioner. Still, my hair tangles throughout the day.

[Mom22ns]

My hair is just like your dd's. Are you conditioning it well or just using detangler? I can't brush or comb my hair if I shampoo and don't use conditioner. Detangler can help a little, but a good conditioner is the key. Combing it out in the shower with the conditioner in is a great step to being able to comb it after the shower too.

[Starr]

Wash, condition, detangler, threaten to cut it all off, wide tooth comb, start in sections from bottom up, french braid hair 6 days a week. 

[Guest]

I Love My Hair!

 

 

 

A young African-American girl describes the familiar mother-daughter nightly ritual of combing the tangles out of her hair. When she cries because it hurts, her sympathetic mother tells her how lucky she is to have such beautiful hair. Imaginatively, the woman goes on to say that she can spin it into a fine, soft bun or "plant rows of braids" along her scalp, prompting her daughter to think of other wonderful things she likes about her hair. The superb watercolor illustrations move from the intimacy and security of Keyana's bedroom to the neighborhood streets and finally to the whole world as her mother's imagery becomes reflected in the art. Keyana's hair is spun on a spinning wheel, becomes part of rows of plants in a garden, and merges with a globe of the whole world.

 

Caucasian curlytops would probably enjoy this too.

[Ausmumof3]

I invented a girl and a dog and told her a story about them. Now she sits still as long as she gets a story about them. And yes I am totally bored of them and they do the most ridiculous things but it's worth it.

 

Also it has to be daily. If you miss a day or two it's so much harder. If you have to, go to the hair dresser for a neaten up then you have a fresh start.

[unsinkable]

Just a word of warning about using conditioner often...my DD cannot use it on her scalp and the hair close to her scalp. It is just too heavy and it weighs her hair down and makes it look greasy no matter how thoroughly she rinses. She only conditons the middle and ends of her hair.

[hornblower]

my long haired tangly one is my son. he's 6'4" and hair way past his waist so that's a lot of hair.... He's had long hair for eons & we've btdt with the tangles. Constant vigilance. Good conditioner. He's currently loving Marc Anthony Oil of Morocco Argan. Always comb with wide comb when the conditioner is on, rinse, comb again. Braiding when doing lots of whacky flailing around stuff or going in windy weather etc.  He shampoos & conditions daily.
His sister or I still braid it for him when he wants a nice look. (well, I try to put it up in Victorian updos but I'm mean that way. He has the most amazing hair of all of us & won't let us play with it /pout/ )

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Just a word of warning about using conditioner often...my DD cannot use it on her scalp and the hair close to her scalp. It is just too heavy and it weighs her hair down and makes it look greasy no matter how thoroughly she rinses. She only conditons the middle and ends of her hair.

 

This is a good point. It didn't weigh my DD's hair down--it gunked up into a sticky, waxy mess! I used to work conditioner deep into her hair, which did make it easier to brush closer to the scalp...for a little while. But the more residue was left, the worse it got, and her hair is so thick it was hard to rinse out when it was that close to her scalp. Blech! That hasn't happened since she took over the conditioning herself though.