Hive, I need a friend

[clementine]

This is NOT the end!  You will come out stronger and be amazed at your resilience.  Prayers for job opportunities for your hubby - even something not perfect until the perfect one comes along.  You have my prayers!!   :grouphug:

[Lawyer&Mom]

Think about you and your family. I hope you are taking advantage of all government assistance you qualify for. You paid your taxes, you deserve it. Hugs and prayers!

[kiwik]

Hugs. You are entitled to be distraught though so don't apologise and dismiss it as first world problems.

[MeghansMom]

Tight hugs and fervent prayers.

 

This too shall pass. It will.

 

We had a bad time starting in November, 2013 and it just ended in January 2015.

This time included set backs for our special needs child, my mother having a heart attack, me having a stroke, an unexpected move and less than a week from homelessness, almost losing our only car, and on and on. I thought there would be no end in sight at times.

However my mother recovered, I am recovering, we have a decent place to live in the nick of time, our car is caught up and we have started a tiny savings and committed to regrowing it, etc.

I know the thought that the sorrow and stress will eventually end is not much help now while you are going through it all.

But cling to the fact that it will.

In the mean time, take our hands. We shall wait with you and you can lean on us.

[FriedClams]

((((Hugs)))) I wish that we could all be friends in real life. I'd bring you tea and we'd cry together. We've been through a layoff. It was hard. Please stay connected with dh. Hug your kids. Be kind to yourself. (Hugs)

[Chris in VA]

Tight hugs and fervent prayers.

 

This too shall pass. It will.

 

We had a bad time starting in November, 2013 and it just ended in January 2015.

This time included set backs for our special needs child, my mother having a heart attack, me having a stroke, an unexpected move and less than a week from homelessness, almost losing our only car, and on and on. I thought there would be no end in sight at times.

However my mother recovered, I am recovering, we have a decent place to live in the nick of time, our car is caught up and we have started a tiny savings and committed to regrowing it, etc.

I know the thought that the sorrow and stress will eventually end is not much help now while you are going through it all.

But cling to the fact that it will.

In the mean time, take our hands. We shall wait with you and you can lean on us.

 

What lovely wording.

 

[Annie Anne]

Praying for you and hugs! I've missed seeing you around here. I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I went through a period similar to this when my husband was so sick with MS he couldn't work.

 

Advice: sign up for all the government help you can right now and hold your head up high. It is there to help people get on their feet. Try to get food stamps as well. 

If you have a water bill or electric bill hanging over your head, try to ask for help from your church, or even a neighboring church. Most churches have a specific fund for those type of things. I know our church did and my dh (the pastor) helped many in need. 

Above all, take a deep breath. You can make it through. Hugs to you during this terribly low time for you.

 

I am so sorry. Praying for you and for hope to come back to you.

Please do sign up for what help you can.

[Mandylubug]

:grouphug:

[Truscifi]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[applethyme]

:grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  

[cjzimmer1]

I'm so sorry.  I've been through similar circumstances(well we didn't sell things off but only because I was pregnant with severe hypermesis and all my energy was spent trying to sip enough to stay out of the hospital but I did have to empty all of my kids savings accounts because we simply had no resources left and we still had to pay bills)..  It's so hard to get up every day get up and try to figure how to stretch things a little farther, cut another corner, make do without yet another thing, even simple luxuries like store bought bread were budget breakers.  But I do agree with others, is there any aid you could sign up for that you haven't already, WIC, foodstamps, state health insurance, it's winter a lot of places will have energy assistance programs, food pantries etc.  It was hard for to to utilize the those things at first because I was raised that those were negative things but they were hugely beneficial to us and I'm so very grateful those programs exist. 

 

CC content ahead (I'm not implying that anything after this applies to you but it helped in my situation and others I've shared with in the past have said it was helpful to them,  I hope you find it helpful as well)

 

I was an absolute wreck going through it the first time (sadly we had to do it more than once).  The second time around God spoke to me in prayer and ask me if I had enough for today?  And then reminded me of the verses in Matthew 6:25-27 about the plants and animals not worrying about their needs.I took it to heart and every day worked on my attitude.  Did I have enough for today? Then I wouldn't let myself get caught up in the worry about how to pay this bill and buy that food and fix this broken thing etc. It was a struggle, I'd remind myself many times a day.  Did I have what was absolutely essential for today?  Everyday I could answer yes it was just enough (not what I wanted and sometimes (frequently) I had to postpone things from when I wanted to have them done), but when a bill was due, there was always just enough to cover it.  We had a roof over our heads, we had clothes to wear and food to eat (even though it meant we ate turkey every day for 3 weeks straight because it was the only protein I had in the house until our foodstamp benefits kicked in).  When it came down to it, most everything else was "extra".  Financially the second time wasn't any easier to deal with than the first but I was more peaceful and I didn't have the horrible ache in my gut from constant worry.  I pray that you will find the strength that you need to get through this situation

[plain jane]

.

[Jenrae]

So many words of wisdom already spoken.....

 

We have been through unemployment and I certainly understand the feeling of panic. As others have stated, sign up for any and all aide you can get.

 

Feel free to contact me privately if you just need to chat. I will pray for your family daily. {{hugs}}

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Praying for you. :grouphug:

[MomtoCandJ]

Prayers and hugs

[Tap]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[SKL]

:grouphug:  Hug your kids!  It's probably the best thing you can do for them right now.

[8circles]

Oh that's so much more painful to be forgotten when you're in pain. I'm sorry.

[Cinder]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[chocolatechip]

I am so so sorry. Lots of hugs and prayers coming your way.  :grouphug:

 

Please do reach out to your church or other churches in the area. I know our church has a special fund for this purpose that is used weekly. 

 

[Reflections]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Barb_]

I don't know what to say, Jane. I'm so sorry you guys are facing this.

[Liz CA]

Praying :grouphug:

[Rosie_0801]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[StephanieZ]

I'm so very sorry for what you are going through. It sounds so incredibly hard!! (((hugs)))

 

I am a "solver", so here's some thoughts . . . 

 

1) Sometimes, when we are right in the middle of a storm, we are so overwhelmed that we can't even SEE any options. I have often been amazed years after the fact that I didn't even THINK of something obvious in retrospect. It's like when I wake up cold at night, but am too foggy headed to get up and get a blanket, so I just doze back off and repeat that several times during the night. Seems so stupid the next day . . . When my baby screamed for her first several months of life, I never thought to ask them to check her for a mild birth injury (skeletal, I think), but years later, I look back, and think, "How could I have not thought to suspect that?" (She stopped screaming and became a delightful kid right around 2. Seems too sudden to be a simple maturity thing.) Off chance either way, of course, but I never even thought to suspect it. I was too overwhelmed to think! For 2 years!

 

So, I go on the assumption that in crisis, I am likely missing options. If there are any people IRL who you could trust to seek advice and brainstorming, that would be really, really good. Ideally, someone who is pretty savvy financially, but at least someone who has their shit together and is trustworthy. Try to talk to a few people like that and see if they offer up any ideas for help you haven't already considered.

 

I had someone come to me in that spot once, and I walked her through the concepts of bankruptcy and foreclosure. I don't think she'd seriously considered it before, and it was absolutely the right thing for her family. They were in a bad spot through no bad acts of their own, and there was no good way out. The other options they were looking at were catastrophic (her dh reenlisting in the army for a sign on bonus . . . after having already gotten out of the military after his 5 years to earn his GI bill . . . he'd already done 3 tours in war, and really, had done more than his duty) Anyway, we only talked an hour or two a couple times, but I was able to share some perspective and reassurance ("No, you're not a bad person for going bankrupt. The laws are there to help people in just your spot. As your boss, I wouldn't think less of you. DO IT. Screw the bank(s), just like they are screwing you. They charge those rates and fees precisely to cover the risk of this happening. You paid the fees and rates (and will throughout your life) .. . etc." I'm not saying that I was some magically wise person, but obviously, I was more savvy about certain things than this young woman was, and my experiences were different from those in her normal circle/family, so I could offer some different ideas and reassurance. (Years later, they are happy, healthy, have a lovely 4 year old son, good jobs, good home . . . there IS LIGHT at the other end.)

 

2) Be sure to take advantage of ALL gov't and NGO programs that are available. Food banks. Energy company subsidies. Welfare. Unemployment. Food stamps. Free health insurance (Medicaid or CHIP?). Free health clinics. At each place you seek help, ask for any OTHER ideas that person at the desk has for you. Get numbers and names, and call another place the next day. When this is all over, you can donate, you can help, you can volunteer. Right now, go get any help you can.

 

3) Ask your family and friends for help. Anyone you love enough to help in their hour of need, ask them for help now. Ask for food or money or recommendations for work . . . whatever you need. Offer to barter (clean their house, babysit their kid, paint a room, whatever) if you have the ability to do so, but simply ask for food/electric bill/etc if that is what you really want/need. But, do ask. That is what community is about. You are desperate, and it is not shameful to ask for help. (It is shameful to turn down someone's reasonable request, IMHO.) 

 

4) Hang in there. There are no debtors prisons in the US. I've always found that reassuring, lol. Pay your taxes. Pay your family. Pay your friends. But, everything else is business, and bankruptcy is a viable option. If you own your home, get smart about protecting it in bankruptcy. 

 

(((hugs)))

 

 

[creekland]

What kind of work is your hubby looking for and in what part of the country?  Is relocating or retraining (community college) an option?  Many places/states have retraining options that come with help paying for them.

 

Definitely make sure you're signed up for absolutely everything available to you and don't forget food banks.  All of us contribute to these things (through taxes or otherwise) as we all know that someday we might be needing them ourselves.  They are meant to be used when needed.  Many churches and possibly some community (secular) organizations offer free counseling and/or just people to talk with sharing/venting the burden.  This would be a time to take advantage of that.  None of us need to keep everything bottled in.

 

:grouphug:

[nevergiveup]

Can you get a job while your husband watches the kids?

Are any of the kids old enough to work?

I know you don't feel like you have much to offer, but don't forget bartering.  

Sounds like you live on a farm?  Can you board animals for others?  Dog boarding, horse boarding?

If you could tell where you are located, perhaps someone on this board would have more specific ideas.

 

[fairfarmhand]

As for the ache in your gut and not having a safe place to unload....

 

Start journaling if that;s the only way for you to vent. I know, it's not the same as having a shoulder to cry on, but it might help you see things more objectively. When I've been in a low spot, journaling helps me organize my thoughts and see my fears for what they are.

[J-rap]

I'm very sorry you're going through this.  I'm sure it must feel very, very scary.  :grouphug: :grouphug:

A couple of thoughts.  Would it be at all possible to relocate?  Just in this past year, I've had two friends who seemed to be down on their luck for years.  After finally deciding to move and try a completely new area (after doing the research of course), things are finally coming together for them.  Sometimes putting yourself in a different place and making new connections puts you in the path of new opportunities.  (Although, we have learned that it helps if you know at least one person or family in the new area who can kind of help make those first connections for you.)

 

Also, about the friends not coming over.  I think a lot of times it's not because people don't care about what's going on, they just don't know what to do about it.  (That's not a good excuse, but I think it usually is the reason.) 

 

We had another friend who was able to retrain through a government program.  He was able to go back to school for up to two years.

 

Have you looked into local job recruitment offices?  One of my friends has gotten good temp jobs through local job recruitment agencies as well as online sites such as indeed.com.  Specifically search for "temporary event staff." 

 

You have probably done all of this already, and I don't mean to presume that you haven't.  Just wanted to throw some ideas out there in case anything clicks.

 

My prayers are with you and your family.

[shanvan]

Jane,  I will be praying for you.  We are facing unemployment for the 2nd time in 2 years after Dh took a job that paid almost half his former salary.  I understand where you are coming from.  I'm starting to look for things to sell too.  I have had the same thoughts about everything we worked to build coming crashing down.

 

Dh is haviing a hard time finding work and there is no unemployment extension.  He couldn't even get through to unemployment when he called.  He spent 5 days on hold all day only to have the system hang up on him after telling him to call back--while also reminding him that if he does not file within 10 days his claim will be denied.  He had to call the governor's office.  Someone there filed his claim immediately.  But, yeah, as we hear on the news, the economy is getting better, unemployment numbers are down.  

 

I just wanted to say, you are not alone.  I have never personally known so many families going through the same thing.  Quite a few local homeschooling families I know (besides my own) are in the same situation with long term unemployment.  It's a huge burden to bear and not have anyone to talk to.  

 

I have been thinking about journaling myself.  It might help a little.  Take advantage of the people here who have offered support via PMs.  That might help too.  

 

I wish I could offer more than prayer. :grouphug:   

 

[Lawyer&Mom]

Sounds like you could really use some social time. Could you ask a friend to bring her kids over and bring apples and peanut butter too? People don't always know how to help. I imagine you have friends who would gladly do something as simple and concrete as bringing a snack.

 

Thinking about you and sending hugs. You have so many people rooting for you!

[Ewe Mama]

:grouphug:

 

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Previous posters have given so much good advice. It is heart breaking to know that it has been accumulated through their first hand experiences. :grouphug: to all who are in this situation or who have ever been through it.

[BrookValley.]

:grouphug:

[idnib]

.

[ScoutTN]

Praying for you! For provision, peace, health and friendship.

[Storygirl]

I'm very sorry that you are going through this. I hope that hearing from the boardies makes you feel less alone.

 

I'd suggest that you do reach out to a real-life friend. It can be so hard to do that, but your friend will be glad that you did. People usually do not mean to let those in distress drop off of their radar; often they are just busy managing their own lives. It's really not that they have stopped caring about you. Choose someone that has been a good friend to you in the past and give them a call. Tell them you need a sympathetic ear. They may not realize the troubles that you are having. You may find some good support in real life if you take that first step and reach out.

 

And I am totally not good at this myself. I'm an extreme introvert who normally resists asking for any kind of help. I'm giving you the advice that I would give myself. Don't let yourself go through this alone.

 

:grouphug:

[Guest]

I am so sorry. That is terribly stressful and it is harder when you feel forgotten and left out. :(

[LMV]

:grouphug:  I'm hoping that your husband catches a break in his job search and you are able to get back on track.

[Joyoustxmama]

These things are so hard. I suffer to think of a friend or family member enduring financial pain and never saying a word to me of their immediate needs. Vague vast pain or unsolvable huge troubles do often make people avoidant/nervous, but I think it would give a good portion of people great joy to be able to do something that was simple, immediate, and concrete, to help someone they knew who was in a rough patch. I'd personally view it an honor and a sign of real, rare friendship to be trusted in that way. To be asked to bring a friend a bag a groceries or a meal once a week. To be requested to come by with drinks and snacks or a rented movie for my kids to share with their kids. It is a blessing to a lot of people to get to help others in these sorts of ways. It's also not that often, in my experience, that people - even your family - will ask you.

 

Humbly offering a sympathetic shoulder, a hug, and my prayers for y'all.