Burial plans

[Night Elf]

Do your loved ones, or even you, have fixed burial plans? Like a pre-purchased plot, or place for your ashes if you choose cremation? DH's and my will stipulate we want to be cremated, but nothing else. I was talking to my dd and told her I still want for DH and I to have our ashes buried side by side. I've thought about buying now before we need it so it's one less awful thing for our children to do when we pass on, but it's weird buying a plot in a cemetary I don't even know if we'll be near when we pass on. What if we move away? I don't know how that's handled.

 

My mom doesn't have plans. She said she doesn't want to think about it. That puts the pressure on me and my sister. My grandmother wants to be buried near her first husband, but I don't know if she has purchased a plot already. Hopefully so.

 

Just my morning thoughts. I've no clue what put this idea into my head this morning.

[Lisbeth]

My parents do: they have specified cremation with no funeral/visitation/fuss.

[wonderchica]

My great aunt wrote out what her funeral wishes, down to her dress and what type of flowers she liked. She may have even pre-paid but my memory is fuzzy on that. It was so helpful in a stressful time, and we know we did exactly what she would have wanted.

[Liz CA]

Our aunt had everything arranged with Neptune Society. Her dh had died before her, been cremated, and both of them had plans with Neptune to be taken out on the boat together.

[NorthwestMom]

My mother bought a plot next to my father when he died in 1978. She did not pass until nearly 30 years later, and was many states away from the plot. She was cremated and we sent her cremains home with the sibling nearest to the plot, with plans that we would meet and inter her later that year. As the time drew close to make plans, my sibling stated emotionally that she was not ready to let go of Mom and did not want to inter her, so my mom is currently on a shelf in my sibling's house.

 

If this outcome would disturb you, I encourage you to make all the arrangements you want NOW and spell them out clearly. My mom would have laughed if she had been told she'd end up on a living room shelf for many years, but honestly, at some point, my other siblings and I would like to see her rest in her plot, that she picked. We just don't want to fight about it, it's not worth the grief.

[marbel]

I wish my parents had had plans more detailed than that they wanted to be cremated. 

 

When my dad died my mom got his ashes in an urn.   She wanted her ashes to be put with his when she died.  OK, but then what? 

 

When she died, I took my dad's ashes to the funeral home and asked that hers be commingled in the urn.  That required a new urn, so the old urn was destroyed. That was fine, but, again, then what?

 

It took 8 years for my siblings to agree on what to do.  Bury the urn?  Where?  We are all scattered around the US.  No one lives anywhere near the city in which my parents were born, though that seemed like a reasonable choice.  My sister didn't want them to be "lonely" in a cemetery where no one would visit them.  Yikes, not getting into that conversation.  

 

I ended up finding a company that  takes the ashes in plane and scatters them; that was agreeable to all.  But it was a burden on me for too long.  My fault; I was too nice about it and should have forced a decision or sent the ashes to one of the sibs.  (I apologize to anyone who finds this disrespectful.  I don't mean to be.  I did want to handle it in a respectful way but my belief is that my parents were no longer present in those ashes and where they went didn't really matter.) 

 

So, yeah, it would be very  helpful to make arrangements and wishes known ahead of time.

[ksr5377]

I have helped to plan a funeral that was pre-paid and pre-planned (for the most part) and one that was wasn't.  The pre-planned one was a blessing.  When you are grieving it can be so difficult to make all those decision and it's terrible to have to be thinking about costs.  Even if you don't want to get as detailed as music and clothing, at least make it well known what your wishes are.  My dad had a terrible time planning his brother's funeral after his death.  My uncle didn't have anything written out or pre-planned and my dad was constantly wondering if he was making the right decisions. 

[zimom]

I really don't mean to hijack, but are most/many cremated remains buried?  I guess I just always assumed this was not done.  

[Ripley]

We have a family plot.

It's where I expect to be buried.

My kids and my ex-husband know this.

Better yet, my siblings and their kids know this ;).

(And will ensure I make it there.)

 

My family has always been cremated.

My only request is that I don't get placed next to one particular aunt.

Didn't like her in life, don't anticipate that'll change in death.

Don't really trust my siblings on that part, though.

Gotta do my best to out live a few of them LOL.

 

Everyone in my family has gone, and plans to go, in the family plot.

Even those who have moved away, no matter how little or how far.

But we place a strong emphasis on maintaining the family plot.

Because of that, distance isn't the factor it might be if we were buried here.

Different cultures, different expectations.

[peachskittles]

We haven't made official plans.  My grandmother, on the other hand, wants to be cremated.  Her ashes will go to her youngest child and when she can no longer care for them, they will come to me.  Her wish is to never be buried in the ground, so I fully intend to keep her as long as possible.  My father really wants to be buried near family, but my mother is a nut bunny and wants to cremate him and dump in the Pacific Ocean.  Yea, she's already made plans for him even though he is alive.  I intend to fight her about it when he passes.  As much as I want to kid myself into thinking he will live forever, he is slowly dying and this will become an issue sooner rather than later.  I really don't want to be dumped in the ground though.  I know of one family member of my SO's.  He passed when he was young, and the family chose a cemetery in the city they lived.  Then they moved away and no one visited his grave.  That is a bit depressing to us.  We've been visiting him and leave him flowers as a nice gesture, even though it's been a very long time since he passed.  My SO would love to have a family plot.

[DawnM]

My parents have planned everything, but they want THREE funerals.  It is ridiculous.  My mother wants a memorial in Arizona where they live, in SC where she is from, and a graveside in Iowa where they will be buried.  Dad wants a memorial in Oregon where he is from, a memorial in AZ, and a graveside in Iowa.

 

Truth be told, it is pretty much my mother making these plans.  My dad probably wouldn't care at all about any of it.  

 

I cannot spend the time or money flying all over the country for all of these and have tried to explain that to them.

 

ARGH!

[Jenny in Florida]

Neither of my husband's parents had anything pre-planned. My father-in-law was still here when my mother-in-law died and so was able to do most of the planning for her memorial. I wasn't able to attend because we had two young kids at home and no budget to fly all of us across the country. (I contributed a letter that was read during the service.) However, I understand it was very nice.

 

When my father-in-law died a few years later, the four sons had to make a lot of decisions, which was stressful and difficult for them.

 

At this point, neither my husband nor I have anything formal, but my family knows some things I definitely do and definitely don't want. (Yes to music and funny stories, no to embalming, for example.) I was actually thinking the other day that I should put some of this in writing. My son and I were in the car and listening to some music, and I mentioned that I love a particular old pop song and want it played at my funeral. I think he thought I was kidding, but I'm totally not. In any case, he was clearly very uncomfortable having me say anything about it. So, it's now on my to-do list to get some thoughts and wishes down on paper for them to have when it's time. I know it would make things a bit easier for them to feel like they know what I wanted.

[Pawz4me]

My MIL has an already paid for burial plot (right beside FIL).

 

My mother and father were buried at the churches they were members of, so that was easy.

 

DH and I have made no plans beyond telling each other and the boys that we'd like to be cremated and that I really don't care what they do with my ashes, but that I would prefer to not have any formal funeral or memorial service.

 

I wouldn't put funeral wishes in a will.  There's nothing wrong with it, but IMO you need to let people know ahead of time what your wishes are.  Wills often aren't looked at for several days or even weeks after a person passes away.

[Lisbeth]

As an only child I will have no siblings to argue with over arrangements. My parents think funerals are a lot of pomp over nothing. Important note: they are atheists. They are also introverts who hate attention...even though they won't be there in their view and/or aware of that attention.

[Guest]

Do your loved ones, or even you, have fixed burial plans? Like a pre-purchased plot, or place for your ashes if you choose cremation? DH's and my will stipulate we want to be cremated, but nothing else. I was talking to my dd and told her I still want for DH and I to have our ashes buried side by side. I've thought about buying now before we need it so it's one less awful thing for our children to do when we pass on, but it's weird buying a plot in a cemetary I don't even know if we'll be near when we pass on. What if we move away? I don't know how that's handled.

 

My mom doesn't have plans. She said she doesn't want to think about it. That puts the pressure on me and my sister. My grandmother wants to be buried near her first husband, but I don't know if she has purchased a plot already. Hopefully so.

 

Just my morning thoughts. I've no clue what put this idea into my head this morning.

Dh and I have a joint plot and headstone. We bought it when we buried our baby. It is the plot adjacent to dh's parent's plot. It sounds weird now, but I could not bear the thought of placing my baby in some random spot.

 

My parents did buy plots at a cemetery long ago, but it is somewhat awkward because it is not in the most logical location now. I do think that is a potential disadvantage of pre-buying, but of course, we don't know when it will come into use - could be next week, might be forty years hence.

 

I think it doesn't hurt to have a plot already, but in reality, it doesn't do much to make the mourning period easier, KWIM? There are so many difficult things to cope with when a loved one dies, having a burial plot ahead of time doesn't ease the time in any meaningful way.

[Lisbeth]

My parents have planned everything, but they want THREE funerals. It is ridiculous. My mother wants a memorial in Arizona where they live, in SC where she is from, and a graveside in Iowa where they will be buried. Dad wants a memorial in Oregon where he is from, a memorial in AZ, and a graveside in Iowa.

 

Truth be told, it is pretty much my mother making these plans. My dad probably wouldn't care at all about any of it.

 

I cannot spend the time or money flying all over the country for all of these and have tried to explain that to them.

 

ARGH!

Do they have someone appointed to arrange all of that? I would tell them I would attend and arrange one of those,and they should get other people to manage the other places.

I have never heard of that multiple site thing, but I am from "we hate ceremonies" people, as I posted already. ;)

[Lanny]

My mother had made arrangements and that made it much easier after she passed away. After my father died, she bought a place for 2 people in a Mausoleum (is that the word?) in a cemetery. My fathers ashes were placed in a container that looked like a book. She purchased another container like that, for her ashes to be placed in. There was a Memorial service after her death and her having made those arrangements made it much easier. I believe everything, or nearly everything, had been paid for in advance.

[Guest]

I really don't mean to hijack, but are most/many cremated remains buried? I guess I just always assumed this was not done.

Some are. I don't know in what proportion, but I definitely know of times when cremated remains were buried and marked with a standard gravestone.

[Night Elf]

I really don't mean to hijack, but are most/many cremated remains buried?  I guess I just always assumed this was not done.  

 

I'm not sure how popular it is, but DH and I don't have any interest in being a decoration in someone's home and there is no place we can think of to have our ashes scattered. I like the idea of a final resting place though. I also told my kids not to feel obligated to visit our remains unless they want to. I don't really see a point in it except for the person living and grieving. I never even think about my dad's remains, but he is buried in another state anyway.

 

[Guest]

As for preparation, the Orthodox Church gives pretty good guidelines:  fairly swift burial, plain box (perhaps made by a parishioner), simple body prep.  

 

As for funeral and burial, the Orthodox Church does that for me.  A specified funeral director will transport my body, and if the parish is for any reason unable to prepare it, the funeral director will do the minimal preparation.  

 

As for burial plot, we bought our "last real estate" about 6 months ago in an Orthodox cemetery.  If we move, we can sell it or donate it for those who cannot afford a plot there.  

 

As for the after-party, the parish takes care of that.  

 

I have written down what I wish to be buried in; one of the options is a baptismal gown, but at our parish we share ours among those adults who get baptized, so I specified my wedding dress.  It is plain white, silk-satin and beautiful.  The neckline is a modest square, but I think the cummerbund can be used to hide my already-wrinkly neck.  :0)  Vain at the last!  Anyway, this information is with three trusted friends.  Don't put this info in your will; that is a legal document that is OFTEN opened AFTER the funeral.  If nothing else, write down your wishes and put them in a freezer bag in the freezer.  Then tell people that's where to look.  

 

 

[Elisabet1]

We have it stipulated where we want to be buried. However, in recent times, I think I want to be cremated instead. The burial information is contained within our will and living will and all that that we have. I dread the idea of my family spending thousands for a casket and burial, and having the rest of their lives tied to a cemetery they feel obligated to visit. I have a place that is very special to me and would like to be scattered there (Black Hills-Sylvan Lake area). I do not want anyone to keep my ashes. I feel it just becomes baggage. 

[Danestress]

I have no formalized plan. I would prefer a Viking funeral. My family members are aware of strong feelings about keeping remains in a closet or on a shelf. They know that under no conditions is anyone to claim 'their share' of my cremated remains. I really object to my remains being divided as possessions.

 

I don't really care if I am cremated or buried, but I prefer there not to be a place where I am interred. I would rather have a burial at sea or my ashes scattered or something like that.

[Luckymama]

Speaking as someone who has a very, very difficult time going to the cemetery where my parents ashes are interred, I do NOT want to burden my children with similar feelings. Going to "visit" family members is not in our family culture. When I go to the cemetery I remember my parents at the end. I would much rather remember them healthy and happy...and I want my children to remember me the same way.

[hornblower]

Donate organs, donate rest to science (we have a med school here that will take bodies), cremate whatever the med school gives back, don't bury, scatter at sea (my last act will be littering LOL)

Would prefer no service/celebration of life but I leave that up to the living because the service is for them - so if they want one, they should do what they want.

BTW, livestreaming funerals is a thing now so all those who want services in various places, just go with livestream. http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/saskatchewan/more-families-using-live-video-feeds-to-share-funerals-weddings-1.2779547

 

[Maplinmum]

After my mother died my father went to the same funeral directors and preplanned his own funeral right down to the death notice for the newspaper. When he died 18 yrs later we just went to the funeral directors and got them to find it in their archives. It was really helpful as he had some specific things he wanted that we wouldn't of guessed. My sister subsequently took our elderly uncle to plan his funeral and again she was surprised at some of the things he choose that we would not have done.

[creekland]

I told hubby and my kids that I don't care what happens after I leave my body.  They can do whatever they wish.  I'm totally ok with being left out in a field for the buzzards to take care of the way they do best or being buried in the back field next to ponies that die here or in the back yard next to the deceased house pets.

 

I doubt any of that is legal in this country, but once I'm done with this body... eh, who cares!  They can do what they want.  There is no "right" or "wrong" answer as far as I'm concerned.

[Melissa in Australia]

We have in our will that we want to be buried at the local crematory. It is a very small country town and a very little cemetery. When one dies the survivor will buy a double plot and we will then eventually be buried side by side. We have stipulated that we DO NOT want to be cremated.

[Mary in VA]

We have in our will that we want to be buried at the local crematory. It is a very small country town and a very little cemetery. When one dies the survivor will buy a double plot and we will then eventually be buried side by side. We have stipulated that we DO NOT want to be cremated.

I don't know how it works in Australia, but here in the U.S. wills are often not looked at until after the funeral.  So it's a good idea to make sure any people who might be making the arrangements knows the plan too, i.e. spouse, parents, grown children.

 

My dh knows what I want, but he won't specify for himself.  I've told him what I would do for him if he went first and told him if he doesn't like those plans he'd better speak up ahead of time!

[DawnM]

Nope, no one else arranged.  My father is actually fine with ONE ceremony, my mother is nuts and just doesn't get it.

 

I am an only child......

 

BTW:  We know absolutely NO ONE in Iowa!  Not one person.  I am not going.  Period.  

 

I will do the ceremony here in SC for my mom and in WA/OR for my dad.  That is all.  I am just not telling them that.

 

The funeral home in Iowa is planning the picking up of their bodies from the airport and their burial plots are all set, so I see no good reason to go there.

 

The ceremony in AZ may not happen anyway......they live in a retirement community and all their friends are dying off.  If there is anyone left, I may just ask THEM to do  a little something, although I may need to go to AZ at some point to get their stuff anyway.

 

Dawn

 

 

Do they have someone appointed to arrange all of that? I would tell them I would attend and arrange one of those,and they should get other people to manage the other places.
I have never heard of that multiple site thing, but I am from "we hate ceremonies" people, as I posted already. ;)

 

[Lolly]

My parents have planned everything, but they want THREE funerals.  It is ridiculous.  My mother wants a memorial in Arizona where they live, in SC where she is from, and a graveside in Iowa where they will be buried.  Dad wants a memorial in Oregon where he is from, a memorial in AZ, and a graveside in Iowa.

 

Truth be told, it is pretty much my mother making these plans.  My dad probably wouldn't care at all about any of it.  

 

I cannot spend the time or money flying all over the country for all of these and have tried to explain that to them.

 

ARGH!

 

Btdt. Both of dh's parents. It was a nightmare. And expensive. Legally transporting a body is ridiculously expensive. It takes a huge toll on the family and drags the funeral process out to be weeks long. On the plus side, everyone was so tired after we finally got them in the ground that there was a tremendous relief felt that seemed to lessen the grieving process a bit. Maybe it was just the grieving process being so public, so long...

 

 

I told hubby and my kids that I don't care what happens after I leave my body.  They can do whatever they wish.  I'm totally ok with being left out in a field for the buzzards to take care of the way they do best or being buried in the back field next to ponies that die here or in the back yard next to the deceased house pets.

 

I doubt any of that is legal in this country, but once I'm done with this body... eh, who cares!  They can do what they want.  There is no "right" or "wrong" answer as far as I'm concerned.

I was surprised to learn that back field burial is allowed almost everywhere (in the country/not crowded neighborhoods). It is actually a growing movement. Google natural burial or green burial. 

[MomtoCandJ]

Cremate me and scatter me in some lake or in the woods. My mom still has my dad's ashes, he wanted to spread over the Keys in Florida and well we live in MI and getting down there is rather expensive. We are all saving money to get him down there eventually.

[DawnM]

Did they die at the same time?
 

My parents have prepaid for the body transport and all the expenses (other than my travel.)  I tried to tell them at buying a plot where they currently live would probably be cheaper, but they are set on being buried in this plot (long story.)

 

Dawn

 

 

Btdt. Both of dh's parents. It was a nightmare. And expensive. Legally transporting a body is ridiculously expensive. It takes a huge toll on the family and drags the funeral process out to be weeks long. On the plus side, everyone was so tired after we finally got them in the ground that there was a tremendous relief felt that seemed to lessen the grieving process a bit. Maybe it was just the grieving process being so public, so long...

 

 

 

 

[Lolly]

Did they die at the same time?

 

My parents have prepaid for the body transport and all the expenses (other than my travel.)  I tried to tell them at buying a plot where they currently live would probably be cheaper, but they are set on being buried in this plot (long story.)

 

Dawn

 

 

Nope. Five years apart. Had to make the same journeys and multiple funerals with each one. Everything was paid for out of their estate, but still...I just see it as a tremendous waste of money. Their money though. Dh had to write the checks.

[DawnM]

UGH!

 

And God help me if my father dies first.  My mother doesn't travel alone and will either be too old to travel and ask me to do ALL of it myself, or will ask me to come collect her and take her to all the places.

 

Dawn

 

 

 

 

Nope. Five years apart. Had to make the same journeys and multiple funerals with each one. Everything was paid for out of their estate, but still...I just see it as a tremendous waste of money. Their money though. Dh had to write the checks.

 

[Lolly]

UGH!

 

And God help me if my father dies first.  My mother doesn't travel alone and will either be too old to travel and ask me to do ALL of it myself, or will ask me to come collect her and take her to all the places.

 

Dawn

 

I do not envy you.

 

With fil, the kids were older. I felt like a heel when none of my girls made the traveling portion of the funerals. All the rest of the grandkids did the whole shebang. College dd just couldn't miss that much class, I don't care if the teachers excused it or not. Just too much time out of class! The twins were at the peak of their senior year of swimming right before their championship meet. I wasn't asking them to stay out of the water that long. So, I got dirty looks. Hey, they went to the first visitation and funeral service. I thought that was plenty! (Though fil would have turned over in his grave that they didn't miss their swim practices. Classes, he would have understood.) We were also in the dog house because we did not stay for the lovely after burial dinner that had been arranged. We headed home instead. Dh really is not a public person and the idea of even more being required of him was beyond his capabilities. You know, I really wish all those people had helped out a fraction of their concern when he had been alive. We got virtually no assistance from anyone before his death.

[mommaduck]

A simple Orthodox funeral. A plain pine box, no embalming, wrapped in white, preferably with my Eritrean coverings, and stefana. I am against cremation and embalming. I'm also against the expense and industry of caskets. Give me a simply lined coffin (traditional...the lid is not hinged). Whichever of us (my dh or I) go first, that is the person that will be buried with our wedding icon. We don't own plots and there are no Orthodox cemeteries here that I know of (guess I should look). However, there is a family cemetery behind a Baptist church whose property was donated by my ancestors. I would be fine with being buried there or the local Catholic cemetery (I don't know if that would be allowed). We don't do special singing or anything like that. However, we do have a bagpiper associated with one of our parishes and I would not mind bagpipes AFTER the funeral for family.

[Spryte]

We were just laughing about this over the weekend.  In-laws have everything planned to the most minute detail.  It's all pre-paid and written up in a special book.  Every last detail.  Over the weekend, we found out that they have already had their stones placed at the plots, with everything but the date of death engraved.  They haven't gone to see the stones yet, but plan to soon.  We offered to take their pictures lying in their spots, checking out the view.  :)

 

My mother plans only to be cremated, and wants our family to take a special trip to a beautiful place and scatter the ashes.  We will do a small gathering of her artist friends. 

 

 

[Orthodox6]

Standard Eastern Orthodox funeral for us.  No embalming.  Cremation is forbidden.  (I would not want that, anyway.)  The Slavic-style headband and an icon of Christ (probably of the Resurrection) will be in my coffin with me.   

DH and I have two plots in the Orthodox Christian section of a large cemetery.  Our baby already is buried in one of them; I shall be buried in that same one.

The "mercy meal" after the interment is hosted by the family, or by the parish, depending upon local practice.  After our baby's burial, DH and I hosted people at a restaurant.  We were too broken to prepare anything.   

 

My parents will be buried at the nearest military cemetery.  One may not "reserve" a spot, which is frustrating.  They are non-religious people, so will have no funeral.  My father has granted us permission to do whatever we (immediate family) wish to do, graveside, on our own.  As there are prayers for non-Orthodox dead, we shall pray those ourselves after his interment.  We have had some non-binding conversations with a funeral home regarding my parents, so do have an idea of what to do. 

[shawthorne44]

My mom's parents had everything pre-paid and all arranged.  It was the best thing they ever did for us.  This was the Evil Grandmother so the bar wasn't very high.  But, it was really nice to have everything taken care of.  

 

Unless you are over 70 years old, or plan to never move, I think specifying what you want is sufficient.  As still a relatively young person, I have a envelope called "Wants" next to the "Will" envelope.  It lays out my preferences.  Things like that I want to cremated in the cheapest way possible, and buried in a cardboard box as close to my home as possible.  I think I put more effort into specifying what alcohol for my Wake since DH is a heathen who doesn't like single malt or champagne.  

[mommaduck]

I think I should add that an Orthodox funeral is not the end. We also have a 40day memorial for the dead. The family or those assigned to the task will prepare Koliva, it is blessed after Liturgy, a memorial service is read after Liturgy, and the Koliva is passed out to the people during coffee hour (all must be consumed and leftovers given to the birds and squirrels, ime). Sometimes the family will put up pictures and a paper telling about the life of the reposed and they may even set out some trays of food during coffee hour that day. This varies parish to parish, I believe.

[kewb]

My parents had purchased plots with my dad's parents and his sister and her husband. My sister and I made all the arrangements to get him there and the funeral plans. My mother has decided that she will not spend eternity next to "that man" and has made arrangements to be cremated and her ashes scattered at sea.

[AimeeM]

My FIL already has a plot in his family's section of the Catholic graveyard where his parents and MIL are buried. I know my husband wants to be buried with them. I want to be buried next to my husband and my IL's. 

It is something I should talk to DH about. It's crowded there, and I'm not sure where or how many plots in the family area are still even available. When we went to visit MIL's grave, I noticed that the plot areas are separated first by parish (different areas for the different Catholic parishes, and next by family.

[umsami]

Both of my parents have plots where their parents are buried (plots were bought for all of the kids), but now they both want to be cremated.

 

For DH and I, typically in a Muslim burial the family will wash the corpse, and then shroud it.  Here in the States, people typically use sheets from Wal-Mart or Target to make a shroud.   Also, in the States, sometimes there are volunteers who wash the bodies if the families do not want to.  Then, if allowable, the body is placed directly in the ground.  If not, people tend to use either a simple cardboard box type coffin (often used for cremation) or a simple wooden one.  The Islamic center where we used to live provided a plot in the Muslim cemetary for all members.   Now that we've moved, we need to rethink.

 

For me, I'd like my kids (and hopefully grandkids by the time I pass) to decorate my cardboard box.  Paint on it, have fun.  I think it would be very healing.  As for the sheets, I'm pretty sure that DD would insist I have purple sheets.

[Orthodox6]

Thank you for sharing some information about Muslim burial practices! I am curious how your customs can be respected in the U.S. where cemeteries and laws do not permit burial directly in the ground, and also mandate coffin liners made of certain materials. I guess (?) you may use the preferred wooden coffin but one equipped with the legally required steel (I think) liner (?). The previous sentence is what Orthodox Christians are stuck with. We, too, prefer a simple wood coffin.

[shawthorne44]

My FIL already has a plot in his family's section of the Catholic graveyard where his parents and MIL are buried. I know my husband wants to be buried with them. I want to be buried next to my husband and my IL's. 

It is something I should talk to DH about. It's crowded there, and I'm not sure where or how many plots in the family area are still even available. When we went to visit MIL's grave, I noticed that the plot areas are separated first by parish (different areas for the different Catholic parishes, and next by family.

 

Well, if you are Ok with cremation, there is plenty of room!  My other grandparents had picked out two plots and a gravestone before deciding to be cremated.  My grandfather's ashes are buried in that plot.  I noted at the time, that if we use cardboard boxes, it could become a family plot and we'll never run out of room.  

 

A cousin of mine died when he was 30.  He was single but he'd had a dog he really loved.  A few years later the dog died.  My other cousins went to the cemetery at night and buried the dog 4 feet down, but in the same plot.  My cousin would be happy to know that.  

[umsami]

Thank you for sharing some information about Muslim burial practices! I am curious how your customs can be respected in the U.S. where cemeteries and laws do not permit burial directly in the ground, and also mandate coffin liners made of certain materials. I guess (?) you may use the preferred wooden coffin but one equipped with the legally required steel (I think) liner (?). The previous sentence is what Orthodox Christians are stuck with. We, too, prefer a simple wood coffin.

 

I can't speak of everywhere, but we do have some green cemeteries here in FL which allow direct burial (shroud).  I think it really depends where you are because I know that Jewish folks typically use an all wooden coffin too.  I think there is a requirement for a cement slab, though.

 

I found this:

 

"Yes. While most cemeteries require the use of a concrete or steel burial vault, no cemetery in the United States has any regulation regarding the use of a simple natural casket. The use of a natural burial casket is one way any funeral service provider can offer an alternative to conventional steel caskets that a shade greener than a conventional burial."

[mommymilkies]

I have told my family, but y'all are my witnesses. ;)

 

I am very against embalming or traditional funerals just from my past experiences. I would like to be an organ donor. Then I want buried in my family's 200 year old plot on a mountain in Kentucky in a plain wood box. Nothing fancy. Simple shroud and no body prep. As a headstone, I would prefer a tree be planted over me or a bench to be placed there. I would like to be buried near my family and pets. I want a cat figurine in with me, too. That's an odd request, I know. But that's it. Eat food and go on with life. No visitation or elaborate funeral.

 

The problem is we aren't in KY so I promised them I'd cross state lines before I die or they can smuggle me. Joking! Kind of.

 

If that can't happen, Viking funeral without sacrifice. :p

[Guest]

Oh, I have all kinds of info about direct burial, vaults and so on. I'll post when I get to a real keyboard.

[AimeeM]

Well, if you are Ok with cremation, there is plenty of room!  My other grandparents had picked out two plots and a gravestone before deciding to be cremated.  My grandfather's ashes are buried in that plot.  I noted at the time, that if we use cardboard boxes, it could become a family plot and we'll never run out of room.  

 

A cousin of mine died when he was 30.  He was single but he'd had a dog he really loved.  A few years later the dog died.  My other cousins went to the cemetery at night and buried the dog 4 feet down, but in the same plot.  My cousin would be happy to know that.  

I'm not okay with cremation, but goodness - imagining your cousins sneaking into the cemetery at night to bury the dog in the same plot as your cousin made me smile - both funny (that they did it) and heartwarming.

[shawthorne44]

I'm not okay with cremation, but goodness - imagining your cousins sneaking into the cemetery at night to bury the dog in the same plot as your cousin made me smile - both funny (that they did it) and heartwarming.

 

It was a 100 lb GSD, so definitely a labor of love.