countrymama70 Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Both my father & father-in-law mistakenly think I have a whole bunch of extra time on my hands, and that I couldn't possibly be busy much because I'm at home. Besides homeschooling, I also work at home 20 hours a week. I am also mom and dad all week long since DH works out of town during the week. I know I have little free time, thankfully my husband understands this as well. He even tries to explain that to his dad, who will argue "oh she is busy doing what? oh, well how long can that take - she has the rest of the day free" etc. Does anyone know of any articles that details the life of a homeschooling work at home mom? I would love to share a few of these stories with these relatives, maybe they'd believe someone else's account. Not really expecting that it would change their opinion, but I can at least give it a try! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ripley Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I sure don't, but I've read some very talented writers on this forum so maybe someone will take a stab at it! I retired last year. I didn't necessarily think the moms who stayed at home or "only" worked part-time had loads of free time, but I never did understand why they seemed to think they had hardly any free time. After all, I did everything they did but also worked out of the home; I was a single parent whereas they were partnered; and my job was often several states away so I traveled half of each month. I did think that, gee if I can find time to meet you for a latte or sneak in a movie, surely you can find pockets of time here and there? But wow, this past year was an eye-opener! I'm doing all the same as before, minus the travel and the job. But good heavens, when you are home all day the house sure does take a lot more attention to get her looking right again! It's, like, never ending! And there are a million little interruptions all day long! I think that's the killer, if I could focus at home the way I was able to at work - I'd be unstoppable! Who knew?! (The other moms did, that's who LOL.) And I know now ;). I think it's a life that is hard for other people to get sometimes, if they're not living it themselves. Sometimes things suck that way. I hope you find that article, or someone to be inspired by your need for it :tongue_smilie:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Does anyone know of any articles that details the life of a homeschooling work at home mom? I would love to share a few of these stories with these relatives, maybe they'd believe someone else's account. Not really expecting that it would change their opinion, but I can at least give it a try! dh has a favorite saying. "don't try and teach a pig to sing. it wastes your time, and annoys the pig". I doubt there is anything you can do to convince your father and father-in-law that you actually do anything other that sit at home watching soaps and eating bon bons. consider yourself fortunate your husband does think that is what you do all day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 You cannot really bust the attitudes of people like that. You might as well stop trying to prove yourself now. For the people who are like this, there is nothing you can do to change their minds, so you might as well stop trying. If he is expecting you to do things for him, the answer is no. If he is throwing stones, your dh needs to be the one to get him to stop. (((hugs))) I know it is frustrating. But, I do not think there is anything you can do to convince people like this of reality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 People who are not busy try to find someone else to pick on. Find their weak spots, make a few jabs, watch them get defensive and knock it off, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Unless you have reason to believe that information would actually have an impact on his attitude, I'm in the singing pigs camp. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Don't provide an article on how busy you are. Won't it just prove to him that you have spare time to look up stuff like that? ;) You must be one of the first homeschool families I've heard that the father and father-in-law complains to the daugher/dil. Are they on their own, maybe feeling lonely? Maybe they can do some child care for you to feel more part of things? Sounds like you could use a little time for yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Another one in the singing pig camp. You shouldn't justify your time to your FIL. It gives him the mistaken impression that his opinion holds control over you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Just say NO. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Another one in the singing pig camp. You shouldn't justify your time to your FIL. It gives him the mistaken impression that his opinion holds control over you. This. His opinion about your free times is completely irrelevant. Please don't give him the false impression that he has some say in how you spend your time by explaining. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 No article--singing pig camp here as well. Justifying yourself just makes you look weak. Simply say, "Can't. Already have a full plate," to whatever requests they're making. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Singing pig camp here, too. Unless you want to video tape your day and play it back sped up so they can SEE everything you are doing....maybe with some interesting music? :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 It's not quite the same, but it did make me think of this advice column, which I see making the rounds every once in awhile: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/22/AR2007052201554.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Aside from inviting them to come lend you a hand for a day, I don't think they will be convinced. Even then, if they did, they would likely criticize the way you manage your time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Besides homeschooling, I also work at home 20 hours a week. I am also mom and dad all week long since DH works out of town during the week. If they know all this and think you're not busy, they are completely hopeless. And they lack empathy. Give up now and enjoy your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 So, you are managing things alone during the week while your husband is out of town, and instead of offering to help you, your relatives are asking you to help them with things? You and your husband need to present a united front on this and let them know that when your husband is out of town, they are not allowed to ask you for anything. On the other hand, you would be happy for their help once in a while. I don't think they will care about reading an article about homeschooling. You don't need to convince them of anything. You and your husband just need to tell them how things need to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I'm another who wouldn't waste my time on these people. I have a SIL who has a similar attitude. I homeschool, work three part time jobs and am building our new house in my spare time. But she just made a snarky comment last week about how I do nothing all day. :huh: Ignore stupid people. They'll ruin your mojo. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Yep, I had people assume I do nothing all day. Friends of DHs even asked if I would work for them from home "since I had so much free time" (I had 6mo twins, a 4yo learning to read and a 1st grader....oh yeah I was ooozzing spare time)! Really where are my bon-bons people assume I eat all day..... :lol: ??? Do they still make bon bons???? But some friends learned when I moved to a condo walking distance from them. Their kids were in school all day and they would drop by to "have coffee" or get a couple eggs or whatever and be shocked when I opened the door and I was 1.nursing a baby (or two), 2. dictating phonics sounds for DD4 and 3. checking over DS's math all while trying to drink my breakfast coffee. Yep we homeschoolers do nothing :tongue_smilie: . They learned to stop knocking/dropping by. And like someone said if they are really looking for complaints they will just say you don't know how to manage your time even if you did provide a daily schedule. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Don't know if this will help, but: 1. I don't answer the phone during school hours (unless it's my spouse). Caller ID and voice mail are your friends. 2. I have a sign on my door during school hours: "Please do not disturb. Homeschooling in progress." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Seriously....they think you have free time??? :smash: I would enlist their help for a couple of weeks and just show them what it's like to homeschool/work and be mom and dad. Nothing speaks louder than actually doing what you have to do alone all week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Why do they care how long it takes to do xyz or how much free time you have anyway? Some people are more efficient at housework and planning to keep things running without as much labor. Just like some people can run faster and listen to screaming longer before beating someone ;). It's like every other talent. Moms are not all born to be super efficient home managers. And it's always much easier to tell other people what they are doing wrong when you're looking in from the outside. I'm sure there are things he does that you think you could do better. I would not give it another thought. If they say it to your face, say something like "why is that important to you?" I'm pretty efficient in the home. However, the more "free time" I have (that is, time when I'm not working at my professional job), the more I notice "opportunities for improvement" around the house. You could clean forever and still find something that could be better. I do think some moms are too reluctant to let little things go even though they aren't hurting anyone. I remember the day a Kirby salesman came and tried to sell me a vacuum. He demonstrated how much dirt there was under our carpet that the vacuum would pick up. I said, "why does it matter if there is dirt under the carpet anyway?" IIRC his answer was, "well, some people do care." Seriously, the house does not have to be perfect. If I have a little extra time to make things better than they need to be, I would rather spend the time trying to make myself a better person, because there is a ton of room for improvement there. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Both my father & father-in-law mistakenly think I have a whole bunch of extra time on my hands, and that I couldn't possibly be busy much because I'm at home. Besides homeschooling, I also work at home 20 hours a week. I am also mom and dad all week long since DH works out of town during the week. I know I have little free time, thankfully my husband understands this as well. He even tries to explain that to his dad, who will argue "oh she is busy doing what? oh, well how long can that take - she has the rest of the day free" etc. Does anyone know of any articles that details the life of a homeschooling work at home mom? I would love to share a few of these stories with these relatives, maybe they'd believe someone else's account. Not really expecting that it would change their opinion, but I can at least give it a try! I am so glad you posted this! I was fuming yesterday because, in the course of a phone conversation with my mom, I mentioned that I need to increase my income. Her response (as always) was that I will likely have to get "a real job." :huh: I already work three part time jobs (while homeschooling two kids as a single mom). Yes, I work from home, but they are still "real jobs." Real jobs that pay real dollars and make me real tired. :glare: But she is like a dog with a bone when it comes to me and work. I think she will only be happy when the kids are in public school and I'm going off to some job somewhere working 9 to 5. Of course, we'll ignore the fact that we were having this conversation at 1 in the afternoon on a school/work day, and if I were at a "real job," I wouldn't be chatting on the phone with her. Oh, and we'll also ignore the fact that I am available to her at a moment's notice for whatever problem she has around her house and have been known to drop everything and head over there at any given time, day or night. Couldn't do that if I were at a "real job." Grrr.... I have been needing to rant about this since yesterday, and I'm afraid your post gave me a platform. Sorry for the hijack, but thanks for the vent. Carry on. :rant: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Instead of your request, I recommend something in the spirit of: http://www.joanneketch.com/ParentingChoiceBoundaries.en.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 If someone is actually arguing with you or your DH about how much work you do, I don't think you'll convince him of anything. Clearly he knows more about your workload than you do and knows it all. Save your energy and refuse to engage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Strawberry Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 What was their parenting style? Did they leave it all to Mother, who lunched with the girls? I found FIL thought I did nothing all day in the baby/toddler stage...because MIL did nothing other than diaper change and set out meals on a schedule. The concept of conversing with the children, teaching them anything, getting outside daily, all of that was foreign and considered 'spoiling the child'. The amount of crib time was enormous. Similar thoughts as they grew older. My in-laws are like this. They think I'm insane because I interact with my kids beyond switching on the tv. I'm always hearing how much cleaner my house would be if my kids were in school. My house is clean, but not spotless because um, there are children here. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
m0mmaBuck Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 People are always going to think you don't do enough. Don't feed them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I think she will only be happy when the kids are in public school and I'm going off to some job somewhere working 9 to 5. Of course, we'll ignore the fact that we were having this conversation at 1 in the afternoon on a school/work day, and if I were at a "real job," I wouldn't be chatting on the phone with her. Oh, and we'll also ignore the fact that I am available to her at a moment's notice for whatever problem she has around her house and have been known to drop everything and head over there at any given time, day or night. it's time to cut her apron strings. sorry mom, can't talk now - I'm homeschooling/working. sorry mom, can't come over now, I'm homeschooling/working. (you're allowing her problems to become your problem. re: your putting your homeschooling/working on hold at her whim. that's part of why she thinks you don't do anything.) I'm available after ___ pm. or just get caller ID and allow it to go to VM then call her back when it works for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonFaerie Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 it's time to cut her apron strings. sorry mom, can't talk now - I'm homeschooling/working. sorry mom, can't come over now, I'm homeschooling/working. (you're allowing her problems to become your problem. re: your putting your homeschooling/working on hold at her whim. that's part of why she thinks you don't do anything.) I'm available after ___ pm. or just get caller ID and allow it to go to VM then call her back when it works for you. I can't. We just lost my dad a couple of months ago. She's all alone, and I'm the only one near by. She also has some health issues, and I'm afraid the one time I don't answer the phone will be the one time..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Don't argue with crazy. It's crazymaking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrookValley. Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 I am so glad you posted this! I was fuming yesterday because, in the course of a phone conversation with my mom, I mentioned that I need to increase my income. Her response (as always) was that I will likely have to get "a real job." :huh: I already work three part time jobs (while homeschooling two kids as a single mom). Yes, I work from home, but they are still "real jobs." Real jobs that pay real dollars and make me real tired. :glare: But she is like a dog with a bone when it comes to me and work. I think she will only be happy when the kids are in public school and I'm going off to some job somewhere working 9 to 5. Of course, we'll ignore the fact that we were having this conversation at 1 in the afternoon on a school/work day, and if I were at a "real job," I wouldn't be chatting on the phone with her. Oh, and we'll also ignore the fact that I am available to her at a moment's notice for whatever problem she has around her house and have been known to drop everything and head over there at any given time, day or night. Couldn't do that if I were at a "real job." Grrr.... I have been needing to rant about this since yesterday, and I'm afraid your post gave me a platform. Sorry for the hijack, but thanks for the vent. Carry on. :rant: :grouphug: So what you're saying is, we have the same mother?! Because really, that sounds just like mine. The phrase "a real job" sets my teeth on edge like nails down a chalkboard. I totally hear your frustration. (I worked at a small but successful retail establishment full time for many years--I can't count the number of times my mother told me to "get a real job." :cursing: Yeah. Because I was only pretending to drive to work every day and bust my tail for my paycheck.) ETA: back to the OP. Even though I now have a "real job" (a full-time in the office job that I was allowed to turn into a telework position when my eldest was born) *and* homeschool, I still get middle-of-the day requests. Like my mother asking me to babysit her friends' children. :huh: Um, no. I am working and homeschooling. Period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted August 30, 2014 Share Posted August 30, 2014 Another vote for the singing pig response. My in-laws have this attitude too, all of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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